ABCs of Narcissism

Abusive Cycle - This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive
behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.
Alienation - The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual's relationships with others.
"Always" and "Never" Statements - "Always" and "Never" Statements are declarations
containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.
Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and
a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or
abused.
Baiting - A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from
another individual.
Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem,
rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.
Bullying - Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social,
economic or emotional strength.
Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already
committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.
Denial - Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory
does not exist or did not happen.
Dissociation- Dissociation is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from
reality.
Domestic Theft - Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared
with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.
Emotional Blackmail - The use of a system of threats and punishments on a person by someone
close to them in an attempt to control their behaviors.
Entitlement - A "Sense of Entitlement" is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation
of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.
False Accusations - False accusations, distortion campaigns and smear campaigns are patterns
of unwarranted or exaggerated criticisms which occur when a personality disordered individual
tries to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else - usually a family member,
spouse, partner, friend or colleague.

Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment

to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers.
Frivolous Litigation - Use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic
advantage over an individual or organization.
Gaslighting - Falsely convincing an individual that they are losing their mind. From the 1944
MGM movie Gaslight.
Grooming - Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position
that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive
behavior.
Harassment - A sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior directed toward an
individual or group.
Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor, taken from the popular brand of vacuum
cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim, trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting
contact in a dysfunctional relationship gets "sucked back in" when the perpetrator temporarily
exhibits improved or desirable behavior.
Impulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical
reasoning.
Imposed Isolation - Actions taken by an abuser to discourage a victim from developing
supportive, external relationships.
Intimidation - Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.
Invalidation - The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to
believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic
or worthless.
Lack of Conscience - Individuals who suffer from personality disorders are often preoccupied
with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is
sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.
Lack of Object Constancy - A symptom of some personality disorders, Lack of Object
Constancy is an inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and
reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a
developmental skill which most children do not develop until two or three years of age.
Narcissism - This term describes a set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity,
self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or
consideration for others. The name comes from the Greek mythological character Narcissus, who

rejected love from others and fell in love with his own reflection in the water. These
characteristics are common in people who suffer from personality disorders, especially
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Neglect - A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are
disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.
Normalizing - Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or
inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to
get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their
own basic code of behavior.
No-Win Scenarios - No-Win Scenarios and Lose-Lose Scenarios are situations commonly
created by people who suffer from personality disorders where they present two bad options to
someone close to them and pressure them into choosing between the two. This usually leaves the
non-personality-disordered person with a 'damned if I do and damned if I don't' feeling.
Objectification - The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.
Parental Alienation Syndrome - A term used to describe the process by which one parent,
typically divorced or separated from the other biological parent, uses their influence to make a
child believe that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.
Pathological Lying - Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs
with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who
habitually lies to serve their own needs.
Proxy Recruitment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other
people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you.
Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Explosive verbal, physical or emotional
elevations of a dispute that are disproportionate to the situation at hand.
Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest,
provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Scapegoating - Singling out an individual or group for unmerited negative treatment or blame.
Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is
selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.
Self-Aggrandizement - A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness
designed to create an appearance of superiority.

Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you
that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.
Stalking - Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.
Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or
commitment to a relationship.
Thought Policing - A process of interrogation or attempt to control another individual's thoughts
or feelings.
Threats - Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.
Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts
with each other.
Tunnel Vision - A tendency to focus on a single concern, while neglecting or ignoring other
important priorities.
DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Five of nine criteria must be present/observed for the diagnosis
1.has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to
be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
2.is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3.believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should
associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
4.requires excessive admiration
5.has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or
automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6.is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7.lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8.is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9.shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes