Ali M.

– “Travelling with others”

Writing feedback
Criteria Comments
Task Very nice! You made your point very clear and supported your argument with solid points and
Achievem examples.
ent
Be careful with your conclusion. You don’t want to say ‘Two of the reasons that made me agree…’ –
this is not appropriate for a conclusion. You can restate the reasons but very very briefly, and use
them to make your position clear one last time.

An appropriate conclusion would be like this:

In summary, travelling with others prevents loneliness, helps you save money and is safer than
travelling alone. For these reasons, I believe that having others with you when you take trips is the
best way to enjoy your time. [Then you’ve restated the reasons but very very briefly, and you’ve
restated your position.]

Coherenc Your essay is very clear and logical. You used some good expressions for linking:
e and -first of all, secondly, finally, in summary,for example
Cohesion
Try to use some more linkers within your paragraphs, such as:
-In fact… In my experience… A good example of this is… Because of this… As a result…

For example, you wrote: “For example, I remembered when I visited New Zealand, I was so lonely
because I didn’t know anybody. I was very homesick.” Try to link those sentences. Like this: “… I was
so lonely because I didn’t know anybody. As a result, I became very homesick.”

Also, when you present different arguments like this:

“Many people prefer to travel with others…”
You can also try using an expression like this: Some people argue/believe/think that…

Also here are some useful expressions for presenting your own opinions:
-I tend to think that… -In my view… -I would argue that…

You wrote:
“Travelling alone is not a good idea at all.” Be careful! You are writing it as though it’s a fact. But some
people disagree with you, and they love to travel alone. So present it as your opinion!

For example, you could write:

“Some people believe that travelling alone is more enjoyable than travelling with others. However, I
strongly disagree. As far as I’m concerned, there are significant benefits to taking trips with others.”

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Lexical Your words are generally well-chosen and spelled well. But there are very few idiomatic or uncommon
Resource words and expressions. Try to take a few more risks with vocabulary.

Also, note the following:

 Travelling in general around the world is the best thing to do.

Be careful. Don’t present opinion as fact. This is a useful expression: “It is generally understood
that travelling around the world is a good investment and positive way to spend time.” If you use that
expression, you admit that most people agree that world travel is a good thing.

 it’s way cheaper [‘way’ is very informal! Don’t use this in your essay]
 it’s much cheaper (Another good word is ‘significantly’)
It’s significantly cheaper
or it’s noticeably cheaper

Try to use ‘also’ only once. You can use ‘furthermore’, ‘in addition’, ‘as well’, etc.

Grammar Most of your sentences are grammatically error-free. This is good and very important!
Range &
Accuracy Here are a couple of your complex sentences that are really good:

The point of travelling with others is to make it more enjoyable and full of fun.

When I traveled to Panama with my friends, we saved a lot of money by sharing the costs of our
groceries for cooking.

Please note the following:

 Having someone with you when you are away from home will make you like you’re in home.
 Having someone with you when you are away from home makes you feel like you’re at home.

 To be a traveller is enjoyable.
 Being a traveller is enjoyable. [Use a gerund at the beginning of a sentence, not an infinitive]

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Practice your speaking online with an IELTS tutor, or get professional feedback on your IELTS writing.
Visit www.better-ielts.com for free IELTS tutorials and articles, practice cards, and other resources.
©Better IELTS 2010 – Better IELTS materials may be freely copied and distributed subject to the inclusion of this copyright notice, and credit must be given to better-
ielts.com.