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By David Feddes
I do not know God nearly as well as I would like to know him. Sometimes my
sense of God can get so dim that I wonder whether I know him at all. Ive studied the
Bible a lot, and I know many things about God, but I still dont know God himself the
way I want to know him.
What I know of God can seem secondhand. God can seem more like a set of
concepts Ive picked up from others than a living, fascinating friend whom I know
personally. I wish I could say God walks with me and talks with me on a constant basis,
but sometimes I feel as though Im walking alone in silence. I believe that God is there
and that he is not silent, but all too often I do not hear his voice or perceive his
presence.
Oh, there are timesprecious timeswhen I do sense God close at hand, filling
me with his life and his love, but those times are not nearly as frequent or as intense as
I would like. There are timesprecious timeswhen my prayers seem to be really
connecting and I sense God listening and answering, but there are also times when my
prayer time feels like Im talking to the ceiling. There are timesprecious timeswhen
Gods Word in the Bible stirs my soul, and I sense the Spirit of God speaking to my
spirit. But there are also times when I cant even focus on the page in front of me. I get
drowsy or distracted, and reading the Bible seems like a toilsome chore, not a lively
conversation. Even when Im able to concentrate and really think about what the Bible
says, my head may just pick up more facts without my heart getting any closer to God.
The worst times of all are those terrible times when I willfully sin, when I think or
say or do something I know is wrong. If I truly sensed God beside me and within me,
how could I offend him to his face? When I sin, I am acting as though God is absent. I
am acting in unbelief. When I give in to temptation, its not just because of my weakness
or the power of the temptation. Its because in that moment Im not experiencing God
and dont have a clear, vivid sense of him and dont hold true to the fact that he is
present with me.
It hurts to admit that I experience less of God than I long for. It hurts when God
seems more like a distant concept than a nearby Father. It hurts not to know God as
well as Id like. Being a preacher makes it hurt even more. If I am beset by the feeling
that I dont know God as well as I should, how dare I introduce others to him? When I
speak about the joy and wonder of knowing Jesus, am I advertising more than what Ive
tasted myself? As a messenger for God, I want to speak from the overflow of my heart,
not from dryness and thirst.
Usually I keep such thoughts to myself. My calling is to proclaim Jesus and to
build faith in him, not to talk about my personal experience (or lack of it). You need
Jesus more than you need to know about the feebleness of my faith. The Bible is true
and the Lord is wonderful, regardless of what I happen to feel at a given moment. I
would not bother telling of my own thirst in relation to God, except that I know many
others are also thirsty and have much the same longing for God that I have.
I want to speak to you straight from my heart. I want to share the deepest desires
of my heart for myself and for you. My deepest desire is to know God and grow closer to
him. My name is David, and I echo my namesake, the biblical King David. In Psalm 27
David says, One thing I ask of he Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house
of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him
in his temple. Then David says to God, My heart says of you, Seek his face! Your
face, Lord, I will seek. For years that verse has been a guiding star for me: Your face,
Lord, I will seek. I urge you also to seek his face and his beauty.
Do you want to know God better? Do you crave a closer relationship with him? If
so, I speak to you as a fellow traveler, not as one who has arrived at the destination. I
am not way out ahead of you in my relationship with God, shouting back some
instructions on how you can get as close to God as I am. I do relate to God as my
Father, and I treasure my relationship to him more than anything in the world, but I still
dont know God nearly as well as I would like to know him.
Seeking More
If youre like meif you know just enough of God to want more of himthen
heres the question: How should we deal with this craving? Should we tell ourselves not
to want too much or expect too much? Should we try to get used to going through life
without knowing God much better than we presently do? Or should we desire more and
pursue more and expect more?
Im convinced we should seek more. In some ways, it might be easier to settle for
less. It might be less frustrating not to get our hopes too high. It might be easier just to
settle for believing were forgiven, reading our Bible, and going to heaven someday. But
I want more. I dont just want forgiveness; I want friendship with God. I dont just want to
read Bible verses about the peace of God that surpasses understanding (Philippians
4:7); I want to feel that peace. I dont just want to read the Bibles words about being
filled with inexpressible and glorious joy (1 Peter 1:8); I want that joy to saturate my
whole being. I dont just want to read what the Bible says about Gods love being
poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5); I want to experience that
outpouring of love. I dont just want to read that the Lord is good (Psalm 100:5); I want
to taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8). I dont just want to someday enjoy
being with Christ in heaven; I want to enjoy his nearness nowas much as hes willing
to grant. It might be easier to settle for less, but I cant. My heart says, Seek his face,
so I cry, Your face, Lord, I will seek.
As I seek Gods face, theres a verse in the Bible that fills me with longing.
Exodus 33:11 says, The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks
with his friend. Thats what I want: to be face to face with God, to hear his voice clearly
and directly, to communicate the way close friends do. I know that Moses was unique
and that God revealed himself to Moses in stunning experiences that are duplicated
seldom if ever. The Bible says, Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses,
whom the Lord knew face to face (Deuteronomy 34:10). Even so, since the coming of
Jesus, there are many respects in which followers of Jesus today can know the Lord
better than Moses did. Moses did not have Jesus full teaching; Jesus had not yet died
and risen; the Holy Spirit had not come upon Gods people as fully as he would later do;
so there were some things that Moses could foresee only dimly. Living in the light of
Christ, why should we settle for having any less of God in our life than Moses had?
Theres a sense in which I already know the Lord better than Moses did. I may
not hear Gods voice audibly or have such direct visionand I do long for clearer, more
direct encountersbut I still know Gods revelation in Christ in ways that Moses did not.
The Bible says, No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only [that is, Jesus]
has made him known (John 1:18). After Jesus ascended to heaven, God gave his Holy
Spirit to his people in richer measure than he did in earlier times. Gods Word says,
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we
all, with unveiled faces, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being changed into his
likeness from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, who is the
Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:17-18 RSV).
God puts limits to what we can see of him and know of him in this life, but how
many of us are anywhere near those limits? Could our relationship with God be less
distant and more direct if only we wanted it more and prayed for it more urgently?
Seeing His Face
Jesus says, Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God (Matthew 5:8).
To see God, we must be pure in heart. What does it mean to be pure in heart? It means
to be clean of sin, but even more it means to have a single-minded, undivided desire for
God. When God is our supreme desire, when nothing matters to us compared to
knowing the Lord, then we are pure in heart, and we will see God. Before we see him,
we must want him.
If we are discouraged by how dimly we know God, let us seek him all the more
urgently. And when God blesses and refreshes us with a sense of his nearness and a
taste of his glory, lets not settle for that. Lets keep seeking and praying for more.
Lets seek for more already in this life, and lets pray more urgently for Jesus to
come again and form his perfect new creation. Already God loves us who belong to
Christ as friends and dear children, but when Christ returns, it will be even better.
When he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is (1 John 3:2). For
now, We live by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7), but we can ask God to reveal
much of himself to the eyes of faith, and each of us can pray, O Lord, haste the day
when my faith become sight.
So seek for God to display more of his glory right here, right now, and at the
same time pray that Jesus will come soon and display his full glory for all to see. What
we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know
now is only partial; then it will be completeas complete as Gods knowledge of me (1
Corinthians 13:12 TEV). In the Lords new creation, his people will see his face They
will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them
light. And they will reign for ever and ever (Revelation 22:4-5).
PRAYER
Father in heaven, make me pure in heart, that I may see you. Help me to know you
better, to taste more fully of your love, and to love you more. Lord, I long to see as much
of you as you are willing to show me in this life, and I ask you to come quickly that I may
see you face to face and live in your light forever. For Jesus sake, Amen.
Originally prepared by David Feddes for Back to God Ministries International. Used with permission.