Barnes

Zenzele Barnes
19 November 2013
Interpersonal COMM
Prof. Dunn
The Holiday: Romantic Relationships in Film
What makes for a good love story? Do audiences keep coming back because of
the moment the couple finally breaks the tension and kisses? Could it be people like
watching the conflict play out and the couple inevitably rising above? The Holiday
provides two different vignettes of love. Within each relationship, there are similar and
contrasting romantic backgrounds and the order and length of each stage of relationship
development. Most notably, the Holiday focuses mostly on the attraction stage of both
relationships. Attraction, similarity, and disclosure are heavily featured in the film. The
relationships in this movie both lead up to the kiss. The kiss is the pivotal moment in
the film where characters are forced into revising communication. In other words, they
hook up or split up. The Holiday, like most in its genre, cleverly works to play of the
feelings involved in romantic love but does little to show what happens after the kiss.
Even though some elements are predictable the Holiday keeps audiences coming back
because its fun to watch people fall in love again and again.
The Holiday is a 2006 romantic comedy written and directed by Nancy Meyers.
The film is about Amanda (Cameron Diaz) and Iris (Kate Winslet) who are two women
who cant find healthy relationships. Amanda at the start of the film is breaking off a
yearlong relationship because her partner cheated. Iris has spent three years hopelessly in
love with her co-worker Jasper who, at the movies start, becomes engaged to someone

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else. Both women are looking to escape their lives and end up swapping houses during
the holidays. Amanda goes to England and meets Graham, Iris brother when he
drunkenly wanders into Iris cottage. Iris goes to Los Angeles and befriends Miles, a
composer, and they become friends through Amandas neighbor.
Before delving into the relationships in the movie, it is important to note both
womens romantic histories. At the movies start, Amanda is in the middle of a bad breakup with her boyfriend, Ethan. He continuously denies his affair and states the fact that
theyve had problems for a while. What was most interesting about his scene was that
Ethan had a set schema for their relationship. To him, Amanda was an emotionless
workaholic whose relationship expectations were too high. His schema was evident when
he showed a lot of confirmatory bias during their break-up. It was pretty obvious that he
collected information about her to back-up his warped image of their relationship. One
example he used to explain her workaholic tendencies is that she is so busy that she
sleeps with her phone. To him, it was justified that he spend a lot of time in the office but
it was not okay for her. Additionally he was really bothered by the fact that she cant cry.
He used this as the reason for her being so cold in the relationship. Later in the fight
when she physically kicked him out, he even reverted to blaming her. The most important
piece of their fight was Ethan saying that she screws up every relationship shes ever
been in and that she doesnt want to be what he needs. He even says that his cheating is
not all his fault. These lines is particularly important because Amanda carries Ethans
expectations and negative schema of her throughout the entire movie. She cannot forget
what he said about her nature and it impacts the way she sees herself.

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Iris is a British journalist hopelessly in love with her co-worker, Jasper. She has
been involved with him for three years but he has never felt the same. Despite her desire
to get over him, Iris continuously helps him out. The dynamic in their relationship is that
he is constantly in power over her. Iris opens up emotionally and Jasper never
reciprocates. This is taken to the extreme when he gets engaged to his new girlfriend and
chooses not to tell her before it is publically announced. Iris later expresses how she
continuously beat herself up over the fact that Jasper never loved her. She rationalized
and internalized his lack of feelings and blamed herself. Similarly to Amanda, her selfesteem was at an all time low. These romantic pasts, like real relationships, come into
conversation when Amanda and Iris enter their new relationships.
When Amanda mistakenly meets Graham in England, the attraction between the
two is conveyed by body language and verbally. Both partners share long side-glances
and extended eye contact. At one point Amanda even comments on how attractive
Graham is. Another dynamic at play when they meet is that Graham is drunk when he
meets Amanda. Interestingly, both partners agree to have having no strings attached sex
upon first meeting but they have very different reasons for doing so. Amanda wants to
have sex because shes lonely and looking for a rebound. This goes against her
personality; throughout the film she mentions shes not normally spontaneous. Grahams
attraction to Amanda and his inebriation could have attributed to why he was also willing
to have sex with no commitment. He makes comments that suggest that he has a habit
drunkenly hooking up with women and never seeing them again. In essence, the base of
their relationship is founded on attraction and subsequently their short-term goals.

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Amanda and Graham do not stay in the attraction stage long. This is mainly due to
the fact that they know nothing about each other. There is no talk of their interests, only
Amandas breakup. They have no solid ground, no explored similarity. In just one scene
they skip from attraction to escalation. The main part of the escalation phase between
Graham and Amanda is invitational communication and eventually explorational
communication. Their invitational communication or flirting, is present between them
from the start. The passion between them was palpable on screen. The real challenge was
moving into explorational communication. The morning after they are forced to revisit
the no strings attached rule because Graham is interested in Amanda again. Both
partners move through the stages at different rates; Graham is more invested in
continuing what they have from the beginning. Amanda is interested in him but it not
willing to be quite as vulnerable after a one-night stand. When the two finally go on a
date they finally reach exploration communication and get to know each other. Their
relationship dynamic shows that relationships have stages but the order in which they are
done can be fluid. By sleeping together first, they sped through attraction and went into
escalation.
From their first date the couple spends a lot of time revising their relationship.
Both partners know that their relationship comes with an expiration date. Amanda is only
spending a few weeks in London and they originally agreed on no commitment. This
comes to a head when Graham tells Amanda that he loves her. He wants to make the
relationship work overseas but she is a lot more hesitant. This is really in or out moment
of their relationship, or the kiss if you will. Her decision is also made more
complicated because Graham reveals that he is a widower with two daughters. The

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commitment of no strings attached had become a serious long-term commitment.

Amanda ultimately decides that its easier to push back her feelings for Graham and leave
than stay and watch the relationship fall apart. I would consider this different rom
deterioration because their time as a couple was never officially established and they also
did not create a relational culture. The couple had no established rituals or culture
because they never defined what they had. Even though they try to stay away from each
other, by the films end Amanda decides to go back and be in a long distance relationship
with Graham.
Iris and Miles first meet at Amandas house. At the films start, he is in a
relationship and Iris is still hung up on Jasper. Even still, their body language suggests
that they are physically attracted to one another. The pace of their relationship is very
different from Amanda and Graham. Through Amandas neighbor they spend a lot of
time together and the proximity grows their attraction for one another. Research shows
that people chose mates they cross paths with frequently. Another element of their
attraction is that they have a lot in common. Specifically, they bond over their
relationship pasts. An example is their conversation on how in their past they have been
more invested in their relationships than the other person. They also have a common
friend, Amandas neighbor. Iris and Miles spend a lot of time in the attraction phase and
move seamlessly into explorational communication. This same intimate conversation
about being unlucky in love contributes to a lot of self-disclosure and builds trust
between the two. Unlike Graham and Amanda, they grown trust before jumping into sex.
Both Iris and Miles get out of their unhealthy relationships by standing up for
what they feel and leaving their partners. For Miles, his feelings for Iris are clear after his

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girlfriend cheats on him. He explores dyadic negation further than any other character in
the film. When his girlfriend apologizes and asks for his forgiveness, he has to make the
choice to take her back or break it off. He decides that he is tired of being the nice guy in
relationships and leaves her. Iris breakup is a little more complicated. She finally broke
things off with Jasper by acknowledging that he never treated her right and had her
believe it was her fault he was uncommitted. Her use of you messages breaks one of
the 10 commandments but was effective in the break-up nonetheless. One way she could
have improved her statements was by replacing the attacking claims and talked about
how she felt unappreciated in their relationship. After detaching themselves from their
previous relationships, both see how important they are to one another. As far as the
kiss Miles and Iris share, its a literal kiss. The whole film is spent focusing on the
buildup of their relationship from friendship. The clear turning point in their relationship
communication is when Miles asks Iris if they can spend New Years together. Iris and
Miles do not experience past the escalation phase of their relationship in the film.
Through the two relationship vignettes there are different types of love each
character embodies. Iris and Miles could both be classified as storges. Characteristically,
storges build their relationship on is based on friendship and common interests.
Additionally, it develops slowly over time. The evidence for this is very strong in the
film. Iris and Miles build their trust for each other through self-disclosure and hanging
out with a mutual friend. Both characters spend time bonding over music and old films.
Another thing they have in common is feeling like they werent good enough for former
romantic partners. They were seen more as friends than lovers. Another important
dynamic in their relationship is that they experience emotional intimacy before physical

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intimacy. Compared to Amanda and Graham, it seems that their relationship lacks
passion. This is typical of a storge relationship.
Oppositely, Graham and Amanda are both eros. Eros is very much based in
romance and sexual love. It can also be sensitive to physical imperfections. They have a
heightened sense of passion from the first time they met. The clear example of this is
them sleeping together they met. Amanda is an interesting character because she has a
very defined sense of what a relationship should be in the film. She talks a lot being fully
committed to your partner and having passion. Her ideas of love could be influenced by
her career and her childhood. She makes movie trailers for a living. The film shows an
example of her work and the big Hollywood style love is present in the trailer. Amanda as
a character is probably influenced by the kind of romance she tries to sell to audiences.
Not to mention, her parents divorce showed her what happens when love goes wrong.
Though both are eros, evidence shows that Graham perhaps has a different
perspective. It can be assumed that he would classify himself as a ludis at times. Ludis
love is characterized by the excitement and entertainment of love. They can treat love like
a game and get bored when the chase is over. When he first meets Amanda he says that
hes a classic male with no follow through. He also hints that in the past he has had a
lot of one-night stands. Even though he made these claims, his behavior never shows that
he supports these claims. Throughout the movie he is very patient and loving, towards
Amanda. He also displays tendencies of pragma because he thinks in practical terms in
terms of his daughters. The reason he kept his daughters from Amanda was because he
didnt want them to get too attached and have her leave from their lives. He most
definitely has family oriented values and goals.

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There are more stages to relationships than just attraction and escalation.
However, romantic comedies as a genre fail to show couples after they start dating or
they are breaking up. One of the longest and most important stages of relationships is
navigation. In navigation a couple develops routines and creates their own relational
culture. There are also not a lot of scenes that show deterioration. Besides Amandas
dramatic break-up at the beginning of the movie, none of the other break-ups are heavily
featured. Another area of relationships that The Holiday doesnt address much are the 10
commandments. In fact, there is little to no conflict featured between the two couples at
all. The stress of trying to make a long distance relationship work would certainly come
with problems. The Holiday failed to address these struggles aside from one scene.
Amanda is sure her and Graham should break things off and voices her fear about their
relationship dissolving into fighting. He doesnt voice any worries himself, he just tells
her again that he loves her and that they could work out. This perspective is highly
idealistic and a real couple would have to have a serious revising conversation at this
point. Though this movie is high on entertainment value, it does little to address the
realities of relationships after the kiss.
The Holiday, while heavily slanted to relationship development, is a good story of
two women regaining their confidence by finding love again. A big take away from the
movie is that love is worth the risk. Both Amanda and Iris characterized themselves as
women who do whats expected and play by the rules. Still, they did something
spontaneous and found happiness because of it. The biggest difference between the two
relationships is how quickly the couple defined themselves as such. Amanda and Graham
were forced to have the defining talk early on while Iris and Miles did not define

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themselves until the end of the movie. Both couples also have different styles of love. As
far as similarities, Amanda and Iris went on similar emotional journeys throughout the
movie. They moved from dissatisfaction in their former relationships to re-building their
confidence and self-worth. Both women went through a restorative process and rediscovered themselves. Amanda and Iris constantly commented on how their actions in
each others homes werent typical. It can be assumed that falling in love made their
schemas a lot more flexible. This film shows audiences that in love, possibilities for the
future are unlimited.