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THOSE DREADED LAWYER JOKES

& WHAT WE TELL THE CHILDREN
(A Corplaw Commentary)
by Barry J. Lipson, Esq.
Law is an honorable profession!
In what other profession, besides perhaps medicine, does its practitioners strive to resolve problems
and settle strife as early as practical; instead of letting them grow and blossom into "mega-matters" that
would produce immensely larger fees? What other profession devotes so much energy to pro bono
matters?
Yet, lawyer bashing remains the sport of the century, and lawyer jokes have replaced ethnic jokes
(which is probably, on balance, socially to the good). "Why," the newly deceased Pope asked St. Peter,
"did you treat that lawyer so royally, while you made me wait for days and then lodged me in a hovel?"
To this St. Peter promptly replied, "Well, you see we've seen Popes up here before . . . . ."
Even Jon Leibowitz, Esq., Chairman of the Federal Trade Commission, on June 14, 2010, told a
lawyer joke to the prestigious American Medical Association House of Delegates. It seems "a doctor
and a lawyer, driving toward each other on a remote country road, collide head on. They both get out of
their cars and stand by the side of the road to wait for the police. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is
shaken up, offers him a drink out of a hip flask. The doctor accepts and hands the flask back to the
lawyer who caps it up and puts it back in his pocket. 'Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?' asks the
doctor. 'Sure,' replies the lawyer, after the police leave'." He then goes on, he says, to distance himself
and his other FTC attorneys from the type of lawyer portrayed in this dreaded lawyer joke.
Yes, doctors and lawyers have much in common, they are always "practicing" their professions (but
do either of them ever become proficient?), they both need to carry ample malpractice insurance, and
they are both plagued by freeloaders seeking free practical professional advice. Indeed, after the police
left I took the doctor to my local bar (alcoholic not legal) where my friend the bartender, after I
introduced him as a practicing physician, asked him what to do about the shooting pain in his neck from
being rear-ender in a different accident that morning. The doctor answered, but as we were leaving the
bar he asked me why my friend didn't also ask me about the legal aspects of his whiplash? "He knows
it's my practice to always bill when I give professional advice." The doctor said "great practice," and
sent the bartender a bill. The next day the doctor received my bill for three times the amount of his [Just
practicing kidding!].
But enough humor, this subject is much too serious. Moreover, it can not be simply ignored or
dismissed on the basis of a pet theory of mine that society really has a love/hate relationship with the
legal profession. That is, the average member of our society actually admires and respects lawyers,
which engenders jealousy and then hate, which, of course, in turn, culminates in those dread lawyer
jokes.
To bring once again to the forefront a recognition of the ethics of the legal profession, and the
necessary and beneficial roles played by attorneys in our society, we must start with the children,

teaching them about what lawyers do, how they do it, how to become one, and the ethical nature of the
practice of law.
Over the past years, I have been asked to explain the job of the attorney to elementary, middle and
high school students. To help our youth better understand the true nature and role of the legal
profession, I developed the original version of the following presentation, borrowing freely from "Tips
to Prospective Law Students," by James I. Smith, III, former Executive Director of the Allegheny
County Bar Association. This presentation is, of course, to be tailored for the age group involved. You
will also note that certain concepts are intentionally left vague so as to inspire questioning. This then is
what "we tell the children:"

WHAT WE TELL THE CHILDREN

I bet many of you think that most lawyers are either criminal defense counsel, like Perry Mason; or
D.A.'s or prosecuting attorneys, bringing criminals to justice. These are both most important jobs as
everyone accused of committing a crime is entitled to have an attorney to vigorously defend him or her;
and "We, the People" are entitled to have legal counsel to endeavor to convince the jury (or sometimes
the judge) that there is at least a 90% probability that the accused committed the crime he or she is
charged with committing. But only a small part of the jobs that lawyers perform for society involve the
practice of criminal law.
Being admitted to the legal profession is a privilege and not a right. The Lawyer, also known in the
United States as an Attorney or Counselor at Law, in England as a Barrister or Solicitor, and in Spanish
speaking areas as an Abragado, is an Officer of the Court, and as such, he or she owes the highest duty
to the Courts, the public and the legal profession. To be admitted to the practice of law, a candidate
must have the necessary education, pass the state bar examination, and be of good character.
Nearly every lawyer will, at one time or another, be called upon to perform public service on a parttime or full-time basis. He or she may be appointed or elected to serve on the bench as a judge or to
hold public office; may be appointed to represent indigent defendants; may be enlisted to participate in
community affairs; or may be asked to assist the low income or disadvantaged with necessary free legal
counsel. Periodically, Allegheny County lawyers are called upon to respond to legal questions over the
telephone as a public service in a program called "KD, You and the Law." Anyone who desires to enter
the legal profession should be willing and prepared to accept their share of these pro bono
responsibilities.
In the executive branch of government, legal training is of great value for all kinds of policy-making
and administrative agency positions. Lawyers also have always been in demand as legislators and
elected officials. Thirty out of fifty-six delegates to the Constitutional Convention in 1787 were
lawyers. In recent times, nearly half of the members of Congress have been lawyers. The percentage of
lawyers in state legislatures has remained at a fairly constant 25% since 1900.
Did you know that at least 26 Presidents of the United States were trained in the law, and that the
great majority of the Governors of our 50 states have been lawyers?

More routinely, lawyers assist in solving or avoiding legal problems by advising their clients what to
do, what not to do, and/or how to do it lawfully. They prepare written instruments, such as contracts and
deeds; they settle disputes for persons out of court, often with savings of trouble and expense; they
represent persons in court where disputes over property, money damages and family relationships are
determined; and they do a host of other things.
Some lawyers function primarily as judges, arbitrators, law professors, legal writers and editors.
Some limit their practice to trial work, either in the civil or criminal area, while others specialize in outof-court counseling, negotiations and legal research. A sizable number act as attorneys for Government
agencies and private companies.
However, many persons with legal training and degrees do not practice as lawyers. They enter
related fields which require or benefit from a knowledge of law, such as FBI agents, governmental
officials, business executives, insurance adjusters, tax auditors, probation officers, credit investigators,
accountants, claims examiners, etc., where their legal training proves to be of great value.
Nationally, roughly 65% of the members of the legal profession are engaged in private practice. Of
those so engaged, the far greater proportion are independent, non-salaried practitioners; the remainder
are, for the most part, younger lawyers employed on a salaried basis by law firms.
Of the lawyers not engaged in private practice, most are salaried attorneys, with the greater number
being employed by governmental agencies -- local, state and federal -- and the second largest group
being employed by private companies, corporations, real estate firms and public utilities as "in-house"
counsel. Of the remainder, many are teachers in law schools, or business managers and executives.
Lawyers enjoy the sense of security and confidence that comes from possessing skills, and a fund of
knowledge, that society will always need to call upon. Their experience and training are rarely rendered
obsolete by advances of technology. Lawyers quite frequently continue to practice successfully in spite
of most physical handicaps. There is normally no retirement age for lawyers in private practice. They
may practice as long as they are able, perhaps taking longer vacations and handling fewer cases in later
years. Moreover, age, with its added experience, can often be an asset, rather than a liability, as it often
is in other fields of endeavor.
Preparation for a career in the law should start early. Read books and pamphlets about law. Talk
with friends or relatives who are lawyers. Visit the Court House. Learn more about lawyers in the
community. Find out what they do. Visit their offices. Read the biographies of great lawyers of the
past and books on the purpose and function of the law in our society.
High school and college students should select courses which will give them a strong foundation
upon which to build a career. Important subjects in the academic preparation for the study and practice
of law are history, English, literature and composition, with special emphasis on writing and grammar.
Courses in business, accounting, computer research and word processing would be helpful. Debating,
student government and activities dealing with people can cultivate skills that will be useful to a lawyer.
The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania normally requires seven years of full-time study after high
school, which consists of four years of college, followed by three years of full-time law school work (or
four years of evening legal study) at an accredited law school. Requirements are more rigid now for
entrance into law school, usually requiring a 600+ LSAT score, and a top scholastic collegiate record.
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Generally, liberal arts, business or pre-law majors are considered to provide a good foundation for the
study of law. However, if you know you want to practice in a specialized area of the law, other majors
should be considered, such as engineering if you intend to practice patent law, or pre-med if you intend
to concentrate in the areas of personal injury or medical malpractice.
As each state has its own rules governing admission to the practice of law, persons desiring to
practice in states other than Pennsylvania should inquire of the State Board of Bar Examiners of the
particular states in which they are interested, for information concerning educational and other
requirements for admission to the bars in those states. Furthermore, admission in one state does not
mean you will automatically be admitted to practice law in another state or before the federal courts,
which all have their own rules and requirements governing admission.
When you enter the legal profession you become an Officer of the Court and an ambassador for your
fellow lawyers, for our legal system, and for our very system of government itself which is based on the
"Rule of Law." You most conduct yourself at all times as a guardian of our society and as a vigorous
and honest advocate for your clients. Remember, the vast majority of attorneys adhere to the highest
ethical standards and you will be expected to do the same. In Pennsylvania, in addition to being
required to take continuing legal education courses after you are admitted to the bar in order to maintain
and improve you legal skills, you are also required to take annual ethics courses. If our way of life is to
survive, you and your fellow lawyers will have to adhere to these ethical standards and by so doing earn
and maintain the respect of "We, the People" for the legal profession, for our legal and governmental
system, and most especially for the "Rule of Law."
After many decades of practice, I can honestly say that I am proud to be a member of the Legal
Profession."
Please address your comments, questions and suggestions for future Corplaw7 Commentaries
columns on marketing, business law, and other legal subjects, to Barry J. Lipson, Esquire, at
bjlipson@gmail.com.
Copyright8 1995-2011 by Barry J. Lipson.