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CONWAY NOTES

Part IV Victims of Crisis: Men

Page 184:
Patriarchal Privileges: Men Pay the Price

Men live a mother dominated/father absent child care existence


for their children

Real men judge each others jobs in terms of pay, power and
control

Men define themselves vis a vis others

Ritualistic combat

Page 185:
Fears Due to Stress Cluster in Five Areas
1. Physical inadequacy
a. Always trying to workout and physically dominant
2. Emotional inexpressiveness
a. Afraid to crack, to show the feminine side, gentler kinder
man, feeling the removal of feelings
3. Subordination to women
a. To have a women boss, feeling vulnerable
4. Intellectual inferiority
a. Clever woman that are smarter then the male
5. Performance failures in the work and sex
a. If you dont get a promotion and also if the women says
that shes had better,
Page 186:

Men still enforce strong sex roles amongst children


o Women who was raising largely daughters, the piggy book,

Page 187:

Womens position in the traditional family is one of economic


dependence

Page 188:

Need for change/changing structure of the family and the family


are forcing it
o Dual career families bring on movements and policies in
the workplace, lending to the change

Page 189:

Ideal male definition in text page 189


o End of the myth , only the most willfully blind men will not
see that change is necessary

Role of the family = to make the male the king of the castle

Male experiences a lack of control in the outside world and


therefore controls within the family
o He wants control and the more he tries to assert himself
the more at risk the family is

Page 190 - 191

Single wage earner triples the risk of poverty in the family

Equity the pie of life fixed entity does not grow


exponentially

Young couple vulnerable to poverty


o If only one person is working
o Poorest families, are the male that are 35 years and
younger

Prediction = traditional family economically dependent on the


husbands income will virtually disappear early in the next
century

o Men cannot hope to be the sole provider, and it takes two


incomes and stress and sacrifice, challenge for everyone
Page 192

Divorce remarriage = man determined to continue to be the


sole provider, even one who earns a high income cannot hope to
fulfill his economic obligations without major stress and sacrifice

Poorest marriage in terms of the quality are those that bring


together a traditional male and an even moderately liberated
women
o Most at risk for violence

Page 194:
Men and Emotional Stress

Male children suffer from a serious cultural lag between the


sexist values they are taught and the feminist reality they must
face
o Children are mis-socialized

Men may feel successful but they also feel depressed uncertain,
trapped, lonely

Page 195:

The biggest change needs to be made by the men


o Men are at risk if a women leaves

He will have to cope with the new competition of women and the
consequences of his lost privileges

Page 196:

Women leaving not because men are not good providers and
hard workers and dedicated family men but because the
relationship was emotionally unsatisfying
o women now know there are choices, they wanted equality,
new world order no king of the castle

Men and marriage men through marriage are dependent on a


smaller circle of emotional ties
o As the women leaves, it becomes difficult for men

He becomes dependent upon his partner family then children


arrive he sought a more complex and rich emotional life

Page 197:

Marriage benefits men

Family benefits men

We need to understand how central marriage and family have


been to the traditional masculine identity

Divorce rate is up suicide rate up


o Divorce is also positively correlated to suicide among
children particularly adolescent boys
o Rapid rise in suicide rates among men especially younger
men, uncannily and almost perfectly tracks the
accelerating divorce rates
o Rates of suicide were therefore reflective of the weakening
ties of social integration
o As peoples social structural maps are disrupted, emotional
stress, then personal indices of social disintegration like
suicide or divorce will go up.

Page 203:

For example the Mark Lepine Syndrome**


A backlash men feel as failures
- traditional frame , mother and father divorced, only goal
to be professional in engineering and was denied, he goes to the
engineering in montreal and committed the massacre on the
engineering women, backlash for the women took his place
because he was being denied,

Their frustration in relationships and occupational attainment


and economic achievement are directed increasingly and more or
less consciously at women who are seen as the causes of their
failures

Backlash Organizations
Men and the Law
Father for Justice
More moderate group Canadian Council for Family Rights
It I easier to sell equality than rights for men
Men can avoid or rationalize the new economic reality, insulate
themselves from female economic competition but if in a dual
career family he must make some adjustment and concession

Page 213:
Double Burden
Men do seriously consider family impact when making work
related decisions
i.e. promotions

Belief in Principle
Men think they do more than women believe they do
Need to orchestrate domestic campaign
Correlation re: pay and amount of domestic work husband and
wife share
Mens sex role attitudes were reflected in their participation in
domestic work
1. Participant husbands = major share of childcare and domestic
responsibilities but still do less than women
2. Role sharing = husbands are more strongly committed to
doing a fair of the work and strive to do so [happiest family]
3. Traditional = helps out but leaves the major responsibility to
the working wife

Page 215 - 216:


Family and Job

25% of dads say childcare problems interfered with their


productivity
Single dads same problems as single moms only they usually
have more money
Self expectations affected reduce work travel, high frequency
of absenteeism, more lateness, early leaving, found raising
children difficult, fewer emotional coping resources
Find successful careers do not mix easily with the obligations of
primary parent

Page 217 - 220:


Costs and Trade Offs
Jobs come first he is breaking the first rule if he doesnt think
this and leaves meetings early, misses meetings, says no to
promotions
Due to dual career = lessen children, remain childless, less
leisure time, more time spent on household tasks, some envy,
jealousy vis a vis spouse
Benefits From Womens Oppression**
1. less pay for women more for men
2. fewer options for women and more for men
a. if keeping women as secretaries more men for other
positions
3. promotion granted a woman is a promotion denied a man
4. pay equity more for women means less for men

Dual career families dont benefit from the structure of male


privilege there is always a price
Men must be more flexible, co-operative, tolerant and
accommodating
Fair Dual Career Families In Which Responsibilities Are Shared
Girls in these families are more outgoing, independent, active,
highly motivated
In General Children Of Dual Career Families are:
1. more independent
2. more resourceful
3. more able to draw on a wide repertoire of role models
4. feel more self directed, score higher on tests of verbal abilities
5. more affective relationships with their fathers than peers
raised in relatively traditional households
6. more flexible and less rigid in their lives about sex role
behaviour