What is the Supreme Self ?

Dear Ram,
Thanks for your 'timely' email. I have come to realize (and trust) that Life brings things
along at the appropriate time. I have just been pondering this very topic of "the fire of the
yearning for the Truth" not being intense enough in myself as well. In fact, I was thinking of
the very same quote from Ramana -- that one's desire for Moksha needs to be as intense
and desperate as a drowning man gasping for air. Maybe this is a common issue for
sadahks who have been on the 'path' for some time.
I recently met a Baba along the banks of the Ganga who talked to me about this. Of course,
as is the way with awakened sages, he brought the subject up before I could even
formulate a thought about it. He says that Viveka and Vairagya are the two wings that
carry one inward to the truth, and intensify the flame of desire for Moksha. Viveka, as you
well know, is discrimination. He explains Vairagya as "divine discontent." This I like very
much, and it jibes with what you said in the satsang with Shankar. One needs to be
completely fed-up with this world, and its fleeting pleasures (and concomitant sorrow).
And to complete the synchronistic miracle, I just wrote a poem about this very subject a
couple of weeks ago!
When I turn the attention inwardly to the "I am" -- the palpable, nameless, universal sense
of existence -- a peaceful 'nothingness' is noticed. This has been my sadhana for some time
now, simply sitting in this space-less space. Recently, however, the question "who or what
is noticing this I am? naturally arises. Now, this feels like a natural occurrence, but when it
first happened, it felt like I was being tapped on the shoulder by God!!
Ram: Im with you so far. It all makes sense up to this point. The purpose of meditation is
to make contact with the space-less space. Would it be correct to say that it was as if the
something was conscious? It sounds like it was in so far as you used the word God to
describe it. Ill provisionally assume that this space-less space is the Self. There isnt much
else it could be and this kind of experience is a common occurrence for spiritual types with
reasonably sattvic minds. The arising of the question Who or what is noticing this I am? is
natural too.
Since questions dont ask themselves lets assume that you, Edward, asked the question.
Or, if you are not comfortable owing the questionthe way you stated it as an arising
suggests that it more or less came out of the blue and you are not interested in taking
responsibility for it. If that is the way it is then lets say that God or the Self caused that
question to arise since this it the only other option. If this is true why would God ask a
question to which It already knew the answer if it wasnt for the benefit of Edward? Now
lets see how Edward reacts to this question.

Edward: Of course, there is no answer to this question, nor is there a feeling that one is
needed.
Ram: Here we enter sticky territory. It doesnt make sense that spontaneous inquiry
happens for no reason, particularly since this is a conscious purposeful universe. The
purpose of inquiry is to get some kind of knowledgein this case Self knowledge since you
are in the spiritual world, associating with mahatmas and doing sadhana for a long time
and by your own admission above you have some degree of mumukshutva, desire for
liberation. And as Ramana and Sankara and the Upanishads and any mahatma worth his
salt says, by knowledge alone is the Self to be realized. So here we have you asking a
question (or the Self presenting a question to you) and you not only say that no answer is
needed you say it doesnt feel that an answer is needed. May I respectfully ask why? Its
probably related to you comment above about your lack of burning desire. If your desire
was burning you wouldnt be able to stop until you knew the answer. But wait a minute,
maybe you are sending this letter to learn the answer so perhaps your desire is hotter than
you think. Or, youre getting some help from God who is going to turn out to be you.
Anyhow, lets continue with your statement.
Edward: moreover, it has the sense of being, rather, a confirmation of pure Existence /
Awareness Itself, that is prior to even the formless "I am."
Ram: This is true. The I am is a thought in Awareness. It is the first thought, what is
called in Sanskrit as the jivatman. It is the first differentiation in the creation. The I am
thought is an object and you, the Self, are the seer, the knower of the thought. But there is
a third factor here and that is the person, Edward, who is writing me asking for my view
concerning his inner experience. If we look at it from Edwards point of view, the way the
question is formulated suggests that he needs confirmation of a subtle spiritual doubt: are
there two selves? And the answer, according to Vedanta, is yes and no.
The answer is no because this is a non-dual reality which means there is only one Self. But
when we take Maya into accountthe world of experiencethe answer is a provisional
yes. Why a yes? Because in duality the one Self appears to be two at this level of the
creation. Obviously the operative word is appears. This is why I used the word
provisional. It means that if you investigate this I am you will find that it is not different
from pure Existence-Awareness itself as you call it.
Edward: (if focusing on "I am" is a stepping back from "I am this or that;" the identification
with this pure Existence / Awareness Itself is a further 'stepping back' from the "I am." -this sense of a regressive 'stepping back' is just a metaphor that works for me).
Ram: This is correct. There is plenty of scriptural support for your view. In the Bhagavad
Gita Chapter 15 three selves are established. First there is the kshara Brahman. This

means Maya and the changing apparent reality and corresponds to the I am this and that
state of consciousness. It is a state of ignorance in which the subject identifies with the
objects. Because of the identification it is called bondage. It is a state of sufferingin the
sense of experiencing. The second self is called akshara Brahman. This is the I am.
Notice that both selves are called Brahman. Brahman means limitless. That is, they are
both fundamentally the same, both are pure Awareness. The akshara Brahman identifies
with itself and not with Maya. This is called liberation. It is a sense of complete
independence from all objects. It is so subtle that nothing in Maya can get into it to
pollute it. So it does not suffer. It is what human beings call enlightenment. As far as the
human realm is concerned this is the end of it.
But if you read that Chapterit is called Purushottma Yoga, the Yoga of the Supreme
Personyou will have to wait until the 17 th verse to find out that that is not the end of it.
In that verse it says, In addition to these two selves, there is another self. It is the uttama
purusha. Uttama means supreme. Supreme means there is nothing beyond it. This is
where the spiritual buck stops. And purusha means person. But it doesnt mean that this
is a person as we think of a person. Person is a word that carries the sense of awareness or
consciousness. It is a common symbol of the Self which is chaitanyam, or Awareness.
This all seems rather daunting from a spiritual point of view. You mean I have to work my
way out of Maya to discover that Im the free I am and then I have to get out of the I am
and become the supreme person? Sweet Jesus! When does it end? How do I know
there isnt another even bigger person sitting somewhere? How does God fit into this
whole picture? Etc.
Edward: Does any of this make sense, Ram, or do you think I am way off track here -- or
even worse, just blowing hot air out my bottom?! ? I am truly interested in your insights on
this. Thanks again for your email. I found it helpful and timely.
Ram: As you can see it makes perfect sense. However, there is something else that we
need to know about this situation. Lets look at it from the perspective of Awareness. We
have two very subtle objects, the changing self and the unchanging self. Now lets ask how
these selves are known. If we had only read it in scripture it would certainly seem like a lot
of spiritual hot air. But we know of these selves because you have observed them. Well,
you observed one, the I am and you inferred the existence of the other. And you will be
happy to know that inference is a valid means of knowledge. So we have established their
existence. And since your experience corresponds with scripture we can accept it.
Now, the only question left is how these selves are known. What is our means of
knowledge? It can only be Awareness because the intellect is out of the picture. It can
know the this and that world, the world of Maya up to a point, although it cannot know it
completely because it is a part of it. So Awareness knows this. If this is true then you must

be Awareness because you know it.

What you need to know about Awareness is that it is just simple Awareness. The
Awareness that knows these very subtle ideas is the same Awareness that knows the color
of a sunset or the touch of a woman. It is not some supreme or exalted Awareness, far
beyond the grasp of the mind, etc. (The word supreme is used to indicate that there is
nothing beyond simple Awareness although before the verse uses the word supreme it
uses the word anya which means other than which is good except that it suggests that
maybe all these selves are different which they arent. The non-dual Self is only presented
that way to help remove doubts that arrive from experiential situations like yours.)
Anyway, there is no reason to believe that you cant finish your search because you havent
become it or merged into the I am and then further merged into Absolute Existence
beyond even that.
Awareness is existence. It is what is. Is there any doubt that you exist, that you are? There
is not. The fact that you exist and that you are aware should be enough. If it isnt then you
have to keep on trying to get what you already have by doing some doings. And as we
know, the only way you can get what you already have is to understand what it is and that
you have it. This is why Ramana and the sages say that knowledge alone is liberation. So I
say call of the search and accept the fact that you are Awareness and Awareness alone and
live from that understanding.
Your own Self
Ram