Characteristics of Children

CHARACTERISTICSOFTHE18MONTHOLD
CHILD
MuchofthefollowinginformationisbasedonthestudiesbyTheGesellInstituteofHuman
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourOneYearOld,byLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
includedisinformationfromPickUpYourSocksbyElizabethCrary.Aswithallsuchlists,weaddthe
disclaimerthateachchildisuniqueandwilldothingsinhisorherownuniquewayandinhisorherown
time,sosomewillbehavethiswayatthisagewhileotherswillexhibitthesebehaviorsearlierorlater.All
ofthesecharacteristicsarenotevidentineverychild.Parentsneedtotakeintoaccount eachchilds
temperament,situationalfactors,agerelateddevelopmentaltasksandmaturitylevel.Parentsbenefitfrom
understandingtherollercoasterofequilibriumanddisequilibriumthatmarkschilddevelopment.
Basicdescriptionof18montholds:Idoitmyself!
Typically,an18montholdchild:
doestheoppositeofmostinstructionsbyaparent
seldomobeysanyverbalcommand
usesNo!aschiefword
isnotmotivatedbywords
isnotabletowaitNOWisthetimethatisimportant
cannotstandfrustration
constantlyseemstofindwaystofrustrateself
treatspeoplelikeobjects(willstep
hasnoconceptofsharing
needsonewordcommands(whichprobablywontbefollowed
isverylimitedinwhatheunderstands,eventhoughhenowcanusewordstosomeextent
isextremelyimmatureemotionally;maytantrumeasilyandoften
hasboundlessenergyandneedsmanyoutlets
canbedistractedorluredawayfromaforbiddenobjectoractivity
on,push,hitothers,includingbabies,withoutremorse)
forit(especiallystairclimbing)
CHARACTERISTICSOFTHE2YEAROLD
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourTwoYearOld,byLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
ofthesecharacteristicsarenotevidentineverychild.Parentsneedtotakeintoaccounteachchilds
Basicdescriptionof2YearOlds:TerribleandTender
Typically,a2yearoldchild:
islessfrustratedthanbetween1823months
ismorewillingtodowhathecananddoesnttrytoohardtodothingsbeyondhisability
ismorecoordinated;lesslikelytofall
islesspreoccupiedwithkeepinghisbalance;runs,climbsmoreeasily
hasbetterlanguageskills,islessfrustratedbecausehecanmakehimselfmoreeasilyunderstood
canwaitafewminutesforwanthewants
canstandslightortemporaryfrustration
isbeginningtoliketheideaofpleasingothers
stillcannotshare,butcangiveanotherchildasubstitutetoy
islovingandaffectionate
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourTwoYearOld,byLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
Typically,a21/2yearold:
isinadifficultphase
isrigidandinflexible
hasalmostnopatience;wantswhathewantswhenhewantsit
cannotadapt,giveinorwaitalittlewhile
demandsthateverythingbeinitsproper(tohim)place
requiresroutinesbefollowedrigidly;inthesamesequence,wearsthesameclothes,eatsthe
samefood
isextremelydomineeringanddemanding:hemustgivetheorders,makethedecisions
issubjecttoviolentemotions;thereislittlemodulationofemotionalexpression(itisall
intense!)
isinanageofoppositeextremes;hefindsitalmostimpossibletomakeachoiceandstickwithit
findsitnearlyimpossibletochangegears,ishighlypersistent
isvigorous,enthusiastic,energetic
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourThreeYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
Basicdescriptionof3YearOlds:Friendorenemy
Typically,a3yearold:
lovestoconform
usesthewordYeseasily
likestoshare,likestheideaofWe
nolongerneedstheprotectionofrituals
feelsmoresecureinhisrelationswithothersandwithhimself
enjoyscooperating
likestomakefriends
hasincreasedmotorabilities
hasamarkedincreaseandinterestinvocabularyandlanguage
iseasilyinfluencedtobehavewhenexcitingnewwordsareused,suchas:secret,surprise,
different,guess
willinglygoesforwardtowardnewadventures
isinahighperiodofequilibrium;pleasedwithhimselfandwithothers
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourThreeYearOld,byLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
entersaperiodofmarkedinsecurityanddisequilibrium
canbeextremelyuncoordinatedmotorwise:stumbles,falls,mayfearheights,handsmay
tremble,cannotdrawfirmly
maybecomeuncoordinatedlanguagewise:mayseemtostutter(esp.ifwashighlyverbal
previously)itisasifthemouthcannolongerkeepupwiththemind[Note:Itisimportantfor
parentstostayrelaxedandacceptingandtonotmakeabigdealoverspeechstrugglesinorderto
preventalaterproblem]
maycomplaincannotseerightorhearright;maycrosseyesfrequently
usestensionaloutletsmorefrequently:nailbiting,eyeblinking,nosepicking,facialtics,
grabbinggenitals,thumbsuckingmayincrease3/12isapeaktimeforusageoftensional
outlets
isemotionallyinsecurewhichleadstoincreasedwhining,crying,frequentquestioningDoyou
loveme?andfrequentcomplaintsYoudontloveme.
maysay,Ihateyouwhenfrustratedbylimits
isextremelydemandingofadults:maydemandDontlook!Donttalk!Dontlaugh!
maydemandallattentionbeonhim;isveryjealousofattentiongiventoothers
isinsecurewithfriends:demandsalltheirattention,showsemotionalextremesshyone
minute,overbearingthenext
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourFourYearOld,byLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
Basicdescriptionof4YearOlds:OutofBounds
OtherdescriptionsGeselloffers:
Expansive
Boasting
Joyous
Exuberant
Adventuresome
Energetic
Bossy
Enthusiastic
hasenergytoburn,seemstobeinperpetualmotion.Lovestorun,jump,climb.Ismuchmore
coordinatedthaninthelastyear.
hasdiscoveredthattheadultisnotallpowerfulasoncewasbelieved.The4yearoldlearnsthat
hecandobadthingsandtheworldwillnotstop.
wantslimits,wantstoknowtherulesandboundaries.CanunderstandsimpledirectionsYou
cangoasfarasthattree,Youcanplaywitheverythingontheplaygrounduptothatfence.
whenangry,willhit,kick,spit.Needstohaveadultsinterveneifhisbehaviorisgettingoutof
hiscontrol.
islessstressedandhaslessofaneedfortensionaloutlets
respondswelltopraise.
experimentswithlanguagetoanextreme.Thisisanageofbathroomwords4yearolds
delightintheshockvalueofwordsthatupsetorsurpriseparents.Expectphraseslikepoopey
headanddoodooface.Theyalsowilluseswearwordstheyhaveheardwithoutknowing
whattheymean,justbecausetheygetariseoutofpeople.
isfascinatedwithbodyfunctions,especiallywhatbodiesproduce.Oneresultisafascination
withbathrooms.
startstowantprivacywhenusingthebathroom
exhibitsintenseemotions:cangofromlovetohateinaheartbeat.Ispassionatelyinlovewith
mother,andhatesitwhenshechangesanythingaboutherself(anewhairstyle,newclothes).
Willloveorhatecertainfoods,people.
lovesanythingnewlovesadventures,lovestoexperiment.Useslotsofwhyquestions.Usually
isntasmuchinterestedintheexactmechanicsofsomething,i.e.,thehowitworkspart,but
ratherthepurposeofsomething,thewhyofit.Maynothavetheintellectualmaturitytofully
understandexplanations.
mayrepeatandrepeatawhyquestion,becauseheorshemaynotbeabletounderstandthe
explanationandmayfeelfrustratedwithyouandwithhimselfbecausehecannotmakeitmake
sense.Hekeepsaskingbecauseofthedesiretounderstandremainsbuttheabilityisnotthere
yet.
isbecomingaconversationalist:wantstohavediscussions,wantstousenewfoundvocabulary
andthepowerhehasdiscoveredinlanguage.Sometimesthechildaskswhybecausehewants
tohaveconversationswithparentandhaslearnedthatthisisawaytoachievethat.
lovesexaggeration:amillion,billionantsonthesidewalk,astallasthesky,asbigasmy
houseandlovessillylanguage.Lovestolaugh;cangetalmosthystericalwithlaughter.Loves
toboastaboutbeingthebiggest,strongest,best,happiest,meanest,etc.
hasaveryactiveimagination,mayhaveanimaginaryfriend.Hastroubledifferentiatingreal
frompretend.Becausethechildofthisageissocaughtupinimaginativethinkingandplay,
parentsshouldnotlabelbehavioraslyingwhenachildmakesupastory.Thechildisnot
lyinginthesamewayanolderchildmightlie.Childrenofthisageshouldnotbepunishedfor
tellinguntruths,norshouldtheybereadilybelievedwhentheytellstoriesthattheysweararethe
truth.Thewiseparentrequiresrealevidencebeforebelieving!
maylikeviolentstorieswithlotsofaction.Maydemandgorydetails,especiallyrelatedtodeath.
Whatsitliketobeinsideacoffin.Howmuchtimedoesittaketodigthehole.Doesnt
understandthatdeathispermanent;expectsthepersontomagicallybeabletoreturn.
lovestobespeedy.Islessinterestedinfullycompletingsomethingasbeginningitandmoving
onquicklytothenextthing.
lovestoplaywithotherchildrenandislearningtoplaycooperatively.Muchmorewillingto
shareandtaketurns.Likestodobigprojectswithagroup.Likestohavefriends,likestomeet
newfriends,liketoseehimselfasafriend.Curiousaboutbodilyfunctionsofothers.May
engageinsexplay,playingdoctor.
notreadytobetrustedaroundyoungersiblings.Maypromisetobegentlebutmaynotbeableto
followthrough.
withregardtofears,doesnothavealotoffears.Mayfearfire,thesoundofsirens,thedark,wild
animals,andmotherleaving,especiallyatnight.
healthwise,hemaygetfrequentcoldsandmayhavestomachachesinsocialsituations,may
needtourinateindifficultsituationsoratmealtimes.Mayforgettogotothebathroomwhen
intoseriousplay.
intellectually,haslearnedabouttimecanunderstandpast,present,future.Understands
conceptofdaystoday,everyday,yesterday,tomorrow,aweek,amonth,everymorning,
afternoon,evening.Canlearnseasonsandholidays.Canunderstandspatialconcepts:up,down,
in,out,over,around,under.Isoftenextremelyinterestedinwhatisbehindthings.Maywantto
checkbehindobjectsandpeople.
cancountthreeobjects,canrecitenumbersfrom1to10.Canskipononefoot.Canwashand
dryfaceandhands,canbrushteeth.Candrawamanwithtwoparts:headandlegs.Candress
andundressself.Canlaceshoes.Hasapproximately1550vocabularywords.
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourFourYearOld,byLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
ismoreinterestedinfiguringoutwhatisrealandwhatispretend
isalittlelesswild
canstickwithataskalittlelonger
emotionsarestillquitevolatileanduncertain:helaughsandcrieseasily
morepersistentanddemanding,lesseasytodistract.Behaviorsmayseempurposelyobnoxious
hasanewawarenessofgoodandbad.Lovesreallifestoriesthatshowwhoisthegoodguy
andwhoisthebadguy
spiritually,mayliketheideathatthereisaGodwhoisstrongandafriend.Ifpartoffamily
routine,likestosayprayersandblesseveryone.Thiscanallaysomebedtimefears.
maystruggletogettosleep.
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourFiveYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
Basicdescriptionof5Yearolds:Agoldenage
enjoyslife
looksconsistentlyonlifessunnyside
usespositivelanguageSure!,Alright!,Fine!,Lovely!,Wonderful,Ijustlove!
isdeterminedtodothingsjustright
mayaskforpermissiontodoevensimplethings
livesinthehereandnow
adoresparentsandseesthemastheultimateauthorities
hasstrongfeelingsforfamily,includingpets
seesmotherasthecenterofhisworldandwantstopleaseherandbenearher
needsreassurancethatheisloved
caresalotabouthisownroom,home,street,neighborhood,classroom
isnotasadventurous
isquieterbynature
likesthesecurityoftriedandtrue
isabletojudgewhathecanandcannotdo;therefore,ismoreconfidentandsecure
islessresistant,notworkingonprovingthatheishisownboss
canprotecthimselffromoverstimulation,i.e.knowshisownlimits
isnotmuchofaworrier
isimpressedwithhisownincreasedabilities
lovestoread,learnnewfacts,practicewriting
mayascribehumanfeelingstoinanimateobjects(Itisrainingbecausethecloudsgotangry)
hasamoreaccurateanddetailedconceptofdeathhowever,sincetheymaystillthinkdeathis
reversible,theyareoftencanbematteroffactandunemotionalaboutdeath
mayhaveoccasionalnightmares
mayhavefrequentfrighteninganimaldreams
somemaystillwetthebedatnight(notaconcern)
maydobetterwithsiblings,butmayoverestimateabilitiestocareforyoungerchildren
getsalongwellwithothers,althoughplaysbetterwithtwofriendsthanwiththree
lovestoplayhouse
playswithblocks
lovestoclimb,swing,jumpandskip
haslessinterestinsexplay
maymakeupstorieswithviolenceasthemaintheme
Parentsmayneedtoconsiderwhethertheir5yearoldisreadytobeginfirstgrade.Somearenotreadyin
thedifferentareasofmaturity:emotional,social,physical,aswellastheoftenmoreemphasized
intellectual.
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourFiveYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
isnotaslikelytoobeyasage5
willrebelandgoagainstwhatheisaskedtodo
isbrashandcombative
ishesitantandindecisiveattimes
canbeoverdemandingandexplosiveatothertimes
canbeshyoneminute,boldthenext
defiesinordertodawdle
isinaconstantstateoftension,whichresultsinanincreaseintensionaloutletbehaviors
(chewingonloseclothing,bitingortappingpencils)
iscalmeratschoolthanathome
maythrowtempertantrums
experiencesanincreaseincolds,headaches,earaches,stomachachesfeethurt,facehurts
mayhavetoiletingaccidentswhenoverlyexcited
isrestlessandfindsithardtositstill
ismoreawkward
findsithardtomaintaingraspofpencil
mayreversenumbersorletters(thisisnotagoodagetoteachreadingorwriting)
Parentsmayneedtoconsiderwhethertheir5yearoldisreadytobeginfirstgrade.Somearenotreadyin
thedifferentareasofmaturity:emotional,social,physical,aswellastheoftenmoreemphasized
intellectual.
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourSixYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
BasicDescriptionof6YearOld:LovingandDefiant
isexpansiveandoutofbounds
isdramatic
isloud
likestoshowoff
isdemanding,contraryorcombative
iscompetitiveneedstobethefastest,best,thewinner
maybeviolent
mayremindparentsof21/2yearold
canbeambivalent,mayhavetroublemakingchoices
isstubborn
canbeveryaffectionate
seesself,notthemother,asthecenteroftheuniverse
goesfromhatingmothertolovingher;canfearthatshewillgetsick,die,notbetherewhenhe
comeshomefromschool
maythinkfatherknowseverything
isathisbestandworstwithprimarycaregiver
iseasilyhurtemotionally
crieseasilywhenhurtphysically
hasahardtimedealingwithanyfailure
cannotbeartoloseorbecriticized
lovestobeflatteredandpraised
canbeextremelyenthusiasticandadventuresome
asksalotofquestions
tendstoflingclothesalloverthehouse
oftenlosesshoes
suddenlyseemsclumsy
maygothroughparentsprivatestuff
Parentsmayfeel:
incompetent
outofcontrol
angryandlosingtheirtempersalot
School/learning:
likestolearnandbereadto
frequentlyreverseslettersandnumbers
wantstobegoodatschool
likestoconform
maylikeastrictteacher
cangetconfusedifschoolrulesdifferfromhomerules
relationshipwithteacherisnotasintenseasitwillbeinanotheryear
Siblings:
canbeveryjealous
canbeverybossy,especiallywithyoungersiblings
argues,bullies,torments,hits
Friends:
canmakefriendseasily,butrelationshipstendtobestormybecauseheissostormy
aggressive,quarrelsome,belligerent
excitable,emotional
willcheattowinandwillaccuseothersofcheating
Eating:
uncoordinated
stuffsmouth
talkswithmouthfull
grabsforfood
knocksovermilk
fallsoffchair
wantsbiggest
Bedtimeiseasierthanat51/2
likestotalkbeforebed
mayrebelatbedtime
sleepswell
Elimination:
occasionallyhasadaytimeaccident
willbeveryashamedaboutsuchaccidents
Tensionaloutletsincrease:
restless,handsalwaysbusy,wiggles,kicks
tempertantrums
bitesfingernails
chewsonhairorpencils
picksnose
Manyhealthcomplaints:
legshurt
armshurt
backofneckhurts
scalpisverysensitive
Increasedillnesses
mucousmembranesareeasilyirritated
peakofearinfections
complainsthatitistoohotandperspireseasily
increasedallergies
moreaccidents
hatesthesightofbloodandanythingthatpenetratesthebody
makesabigfusswheneverhurt
Suggestionsforparentingyour6yearold:
Offerfrequentpraise
Givethreechancestocomply
Usecounting(LetsseeifyoucandothatbythetimeIcounttoten)
Useofclock(Seeifyoucandothatby3oclock)
Sidestepversusconfrontissuesi.e.changesubject,ifpossible
Limitdirectcommands
Bargainwheneverpossible
Ignoreunlessitislifethreatening,morallywrongordangerous(B.Coloroso)
Usetimeouts
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourSixYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
isalittlecalmerthanatsix
lovesintellectualchallenges
showsoffaccomplishmentsproudly
lovesjokesandguessinggames
ismorewarmandloving
lovesmotheragain
hasboundlessenthusiasm
lovestoexplore
issympathetic
ismoreappreciative
hasahugecapacitytoenjoylife
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourSevenYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
Basicdescriptionofa7yearold:AgeofWithdrawal
iscalmerthanatage6
ismoody,morose,melancholy
broodsandsulks
isthoughtfulandagoodlistener
lovestothink,observe,andreflect
isabsentminded
procrastinates
iseasilydistracted
isselfabsorbed
lovestoarguebutgoesalongwithsolutions
oftenasks,WhydoIhaveto?andWhyshouldI?
islessselfishandmoreforgiving
ishardtosatisfy
iseasilydisappointed
doesnotrespondwelltohumor
thinksothersaremean,hateful,unfriendly,alwayspickingonhim,notlikinghim
maytellstoriesofmaltreatment
mayjoinseveralpeerstogangupononechildormaybecometargetofotherchildrenganging
uponhim
doesnotwantotherstolaughathim
worriesabouteverything,including:
o
notdoingwellinschool
hurricanes(oranynaturaldisaster)
war
thatfamilywonthaveenoughmoney
peopleheloveswilldie
thatanypainordiscomfortisasignofafatalillness
hasmanyfears,including:
beinglateforschool
thedark
hasovercomesomepreviousfearssuchasofthedentistorswimming
wantscontrolandprivacy
likesaroomofhisowntowhichhecanretreat
doesnotliketobetouchedorseenwithoutclothes
likestoplanhisowndays
hasincreasingcontroloverbody,thoughtsandtemper
maytalktohimselfinfrontofmirror
Parents:
getsalongratherwellwithmother
wantshersupportandsympathy
believesparentsliketheotherchildreninthefamilymorethanhim
admiresfather,especiallyboysmayworshipthem
Siblings:
fightswithsiblings
isbestwithmucholderandmuchyoungersiblings
withsiblingscloseinage,thingsarejustnotfairenough
enjoysfamilyoutings
lesstattling
maynotnoticesexdifferences
aremushy
some,especiallyboys,aremorehostiletowardstheoppositesex
Sex:
School/learning:
enjoyslearning
canidolizeateacher
mayhaveacrushonateacher
frequentlyasksforpermissiontodotasks
wantstobespecial
athome,cancomplainalotaboutschool
notagoodmessengerforbringingpapershomefromschool
maygiveagifttotheteacherthatactuallyissomethingthatbelongstomother
enjoysreadingasskillsimprove
understandstimebetter(whichmaybewhythereisanincreaseinworryingaboutbeinglate)
setshighstandardsforself,wantsperfectscoresandpapers,erasesalot
perseveresoncestartsanactivity
Physicaldevelopment:
hasmoreheadaches,rubseyes
complainsofpain,especiallykneepains
ismorecoordinated
ismorecautious
Play:
notasadventuresome
canstickwithoneactivityforalongtime
canplaycompetitivegamesbetterbecausewinningisnotsoimportant
likescomputerplay
likestocollectthings
lovesnature
lovestoparticipateinsports
Frequentuseof:
Icant
Thisisserious
Ifeelembarrassed
alotofselfcriticism
Ethics:
triestoliveuptostandardsforbeinggood
triestotellthetruth,butisquickwithexcuses
believesfairnessisveryimportant
maycollectthingsthatreallydontbelongtohim
Useagentleapproach
Showappreciation
Providereasonableamountsofsympathy
Donottotakereportsofunfairnesstooseriously
Staycalm
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourEightYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Also
Basicdescriptionof8YearOlds:Livelyandoutgoing
Typically,an8yearold:
ishighenergy,speedy,walksquickly,talksquickly,eatsquickly,readsquickly
canshifteasilyfromoneactivitytothenext
likesroughandtumbleplayandloudgames
isbettercoordinated
wantstoexpandboundariesofpersonalspace
ismoreselfaware
canexpresshimselfthroughemotionssuchasamazementandcuriosity
lovestotalk
canbeverydramatic
oftenexaggerates
canapproachstrangerswithmoreconfidence
caresaboutrelationships
heightenedcuriosityinlearninghowrelationshipsaroundhimfunction
curiousaboutallthatisgoingoninthefamily
wantstobesureparentsrelationshipisworking
isquicktopickupparentsattitudesandvalues
isdemanding
isevaluative
hardonselfregardingmistakes
extremelysensitivetoperceivedcriticismofothers
canshiftblamequicklytootherswhenheattackssomeone(verballyorphysically)
iscareless,sloppy,andaccidentprone
daydreams
tendstomissinstructionsandmayfrequentlysayWhat?
cantelltimebetterbutmaybemorecarelessthanthemoreanxioussevenyearoldstage
eagerlymeetschallenges
canoverestimateabilities
oftenboastsandthencomesupwithalibis
notagoodselfstarter,butoncestarted,needssomefreedomtodoithisownway
hungryforpraise(mayputhimselfdowninordertogetit)
likestobargain
Mother:
hasamoreintenserelationship
ishighlypossessive
isveryintunewithher
wantsallherattention,includingconstantconversations
wantshertoplayboardgameswithhim
wantstopleaseMother
wantstohelphersatisfyherneeds
Father:
therelationshipisnotasintenseaswithmother
maybelessopenlyaffectionate
maymindfatherbetterthandidpreviously
maymindfatherbetterthanmindsmother
Siblings:
wantshisfairshareandallprivilegesthatothersiblingshave
needsspecificinstructionsandlotsofpraisewhencaringforandplayingwithyoungersiblings
canbetoostrictifcaringforayoungersibling
maytakeouthisfrustrationstowardsotherswithhisownsiblings
Friends:
hasmorefriendsthanhepreviouslyhad
wantsagoodtwowayrelationship
ismorewillingtocooperateandconform
maypickonanychildconsideredtobeanoutsider
playsmorewithsamesexchildren
beginningofsecretclubs
someeightyearoldshavemanyfriends,othersonlyoneortwo
Eating:
increasedappetite
willeatmorenewfoods
Clothes:
sloppy
throwsclothesonfloor
isincreasinglyinterestedinbrandnamesandinbeinginstyle
Health
tendstobehealthier
whensick,recoversrapidly
whenupset,maygetstomachaches
whenoverlyexcited,maygetheadaches
mayhavenumerouseyecomplaints
Extremelyinterestedinandconcernedaboutpossessionsandcollections
likestoacquire,barter,arrangeandgloataboutpossessions
lovesmoney
Ethics:
hasabettersenseofgoodandbadandrightandwrong
betterabletolistentoreason
cansometimestakeresponsibilityforhismistakes
truthfulnessisstillnotastrongpoint,especiallyduetohistendencytoexaggerateanddramatize
increasedinterestinbabies
increasedcuriosityaboutlife,sexandmarriage
Sex:
shiftedinterestintheoppositesex
boyscanrecognizeandadmireprettygirls;girlscanrecognizeandadmirehandsomeboys
somesexplaymayoccur
boysespeciallymaybecomeinterestedindirtyjokesandsmuttytalk
Thinking:
thebeginningofabstractthinking
canapplysimplelogictoaarriveatconclusions
canreasondeductively
canclassify
Givespecific,descriptivepraiseoften
Provideprotectionfromtryingtodotoomuch
Provideprotectionfromexcessiveselfcriticism
Mothercantrytospendaspecificdedicatedtimeeachdaywheresheisfullyengagedwiththe
child
ThefollowinginformationisbasedonthestudiesbyTheGesellInstituteofHumanDevelopment,with
theprimarysourcebeingYourNineYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,Ph.D.Alsoincludedisinformation
fromPickUpYourSocksbyElizabethCrary.Aswithallsuchlists,weaddthedisclaimerthateachchild
isuniqueandwilldothingsinhisorherownuniquewayandinhisorherowntime,sosomewillbehave
thiswayatthisagewhileotherswillexhibitthesebehaviorsearlierorlater.Allofthesecharacteristics
arenotevidentineverychild.Parentsneedtotakeintoaccounteachchildstemperament,situational
factors,agerelateddevelopmentaltasksandmaturitylevel.Parentsbenefitfromunderstandingtheroller
coasterofequilibriumanddisequilibriumthatmarkschilddevelopment.
Basicdescriptionofa9yearold:Unpredictable
Thisisanagemarkedbymoreindividualdifferences.Therefore,itisamoredifficultagetodescribeand
predict.Forexample:
Somehavestrongfeelingsaboutfamily;othersseemindifferent
Somelovemoney;othersdontseemtocareaboutit
Somespendalltheirmoney;othershoardit
Somearedexterouswiththeirhands;othersarenot
Somelovesports;othersarenotinterested
SomearefascinatedwithviolentTVshowsandgames;otherarenotandsometimesareeven
offendedorupsetbythem
Somearegoodeaters;othersarenot
Somehavelittleornosleepproblems;othershavemany
Somegothroughactivitiesortaskswithgreatspeed;othersmuchmoreslowly
isdescribedbyparentsasinafog,inadaze,inanotherworld
ismorethoughtfulthanatageeight,butnotasunhappyattheywereatseven
canhavewidemoodswings
maybeimpatientandshorttempered,mayhaveangryflareups,butgetsoverthemquickly
ismoreeagertoplease,wantstobeliked,lovestobechosen,willworkforafavor,thriveson
praise
ismoreindependent,selfmotivated
ismoredependableandtrustworthy
isbetterabletoreasonthingsout
worriesmore,ismoreanxious,morewithdrawn,lesscertain,lessspeedythanthetypical8year
old
isrestless;boysletoffsteambywrestling,girlsaremorelikelytowanderaroundthehouse
hasvariousandnumerousinterests
lovestocollectthings
cankeepcollectionsneatandorganized
likestomakechecklists,likestoclassify,identifyandcategorizeinformation
likestounderstandhowotherthingsareclassified,suchasthevariousranksinthemilitary,car
brandsandmodels,typesofairplanes
likestoknowwhatthingscost
iswillingtoattacknewanddifficulttasks
canthoughtfullyplanhisapproachtoaprojectoractivity
likestocompleteeverylastdetail
sometimescanexhausthimselftryingtogeteverythingfinishedsatisfactorily
mayhavetroublefindingthetimetodoeverythinghehasplanned
iswillingtodosomethingoverandoveragaininordertobecomeproficientatit
boyscanseemalmostobsessedaboutachievingtheirgoals,especiallyifthereisatimepressure
makesfiner,moredetailedevaluationsofthings,noticessubtledifferencesinthingsandin
emotions
showsalotofselfcriticism.Wontacceptacomplimentifhethinksitisnotfullydeserved
mayignorerequestsunlesstheymakesensetohim
complainsandgivesexcusesfornotdoingtasks,suchashavingsomesuddenphysicalailment
(eyeshurtsocannotread,stomachhurtssocannotcleanupamess)Thesecomplaintsmaybe
legitimate,i.e.,thepainisreal,butusuallyitistemporary
blamesothersless
showsthebeginningsofconscience
ismoreabletotakeresponsibilityforhisactionsandmistakes
isveryinterestedindeterminingwhattrulyisfair
isespeciallyinterestedinWhostartedit?
lovestotalkaboutthings;islesstalkingforthesakeofhearinghisownvoice
tellslesstalltalesandwildexaggerations
believeslessinfairytalesandmagic,althoughmaybeverysuperstitious
tendstobematteroffactaboutdeath
Friends:
canbealoyalanddevotedfriend
iswillingtooverlooksmallerrors
doesntwanttohurtothers
exhibitsmoreintensedisdainanddisgustforoppositesex
boysliketodashabout,shouting
girlsarequieter,liketogiggleandwhisper
likestotobeamemberofacluborgroup
Familyrelationships:
islesswillingtosharedetailsofhislifewithparents
mayquestionparentsalwaysbeingrightandhavingallthepower
mayquestiontherules
mayseemtobedrawingawayfromthefamilycircle
mayobjecttobeingcalled,Myson,orMylittlegirl
maynotliketotalkaboutwhenhewasyounger
maynotwanttoberecognizedinpublicbyaparent
appreciatesgrandparents
Mother:
ismovingawayfromearlierpreoccupationwithmother
haslessinterestinhercommentsorcompany
Boysareoftensulkyaroundherandfrequentlyfindfaultwithherandcanresenthereffortsto
makethemneatandclean
Father:
maybeagrowingrespectforfatherandforfathersoccupation
entersanewrelationshipwithhisfatherbasedonsharedinterests,especiallyboys
Siblings:
maygetalongbetterthanpreviouslydidwithsiblings
isproudofoldersiblings
abletorespondnicelytoyoungersiblings,especiallyifgivensomeresponsibilityforcaringfor
them
School/Learning
practicingandrefiningskillslearnedinthefirstthreegrades
replaceslearningtoreadwithreadingtolearn
lovestosoakupinformationandmemorizefacts
hastroubleparaphrasingandexplainingtherealmeanings
canrecognizeviewsofothers
cancorrectincorrectfirstimpressionsbyusinglogic
mayfindithardtositstillatschool;oftendrumsfingers,hums,sings,whistles,whispers
CHARACTERISITICSOFTHE10YEAROLD
Development,withtheprimarysourcebeingYourTentoFourteenYearOldbyLouiseBatesAmes,
Ph.D.AlsoincludedisinformationfromPickUpYourSocksbyElizabethCrary.Aswithallsuchlists,
weaddthedisclaimerthateachchildisuniqueandwilldothingsinhisorherownuniquewayandinhis
orherowntime,sosomewillbehavethiswayatthisagewhileotherswillexhibitthesebehaviorsearlier
orlater.Allofthesecharacteristicsarenotevidentineverychild.Parentsneedtotakeintoaccounteach
childstemperament,situationalfactors,agerelateddevelopmentaltasksandmaturitylevel.Parents
benefitfromunderstandingtherollercoasterofequilibriumanddisequilibriumthatmarkschild
development.
Basicdescriptionofa10yearold:Relaxedandeasygoing
isfrank,unselfconscious,acceptslifeandtheworldastheyare
iscloselyattachedtofamily;motherhasspecialprestige,butstillgetsalongwellwithfather
canbeverynurturingtowardsyoungersiblings,evenpets
isfondoffriends
likestobeingroups,clubs,gangs,whichtendtobeinclusiveintheirmembership
likesschool,likestolearnandacceptsareasonableamountofhomeworkwithoutresentment
isgoodatmemorizing
lovestotalk
delightsinphysicalactivitiessliding,running,climbing,jumping
hasastrongmoralsenseofrightandwrongemphasisonfindingoutwhatiswrong
hasamatteroffactattitudeaboutphilosophicalissueslife,death,deity,time,spaceissues
isnotselfcenteredbutbecomingawareofaconscience
Summaryofadolescence:
10isreminiscentof5selfcontained,relaxed,direct,easygiveandtake
11istense,questioning,searchesandtestsselfthroughconflictswithothers
12isbetterbalancedacceptsothers,moreobjective,fluctuatesfromchildishtomature
attitudes
13withdrawsreminiscentof7
14moreoutgoing,comparesselfwithothers
15ismoreintrospectiveexploresselfinrelationtoideas,ideals,opinionsofothers
16moreatease,independent,selfreliant
development.
Basicdescriptionofan11yearold:Fluctuatesbetweenextremes
Typically,an11yearold:
istalkative,outgoingandfriendly
isselfassertive,althoughmaybecalledrudeanddifficult
experienceswiderangeofmoodsandemotionscanflyintoarageorburstoutinlaughter
canbeloudandexuberant
hasatalentforgaietyandlaughter
interruptsinsistently
isimpulsive
ishighlycurious
isstillemotionallyimmatureandunawareofhowothersseehim
wigglesalot
isincreasinglyhungryhasappetiteforexperienceaswellasfood
fatiguesreadily
canfeeltoohotortoocoldaseventhebodybecomesunstableasheentersadolescence
exhibitsbestbehaviorwhenawayfromhome
stillhasastrongattachmenttohome
quarrelswithsiblings
rebelsagainstparents;findsfault,argues,callsnames,yells,talksback
ismorecriticaloffather
resistsimposedtasks
needsparentstobalancereactionsandnotbetoosensitiveortoolenient
attitudes
development.
Basicdescriptionof12YearOlds:Thecalmbeforethestory
showsmanychangesforthebetter
islessimpulsive,morereasonable,morecompanionable,andshowsbetterselfcontrol
wantstowinapprovalfromothers
canbemoreobjective
hasagrowingsenseofhumor,morecheerful,sociable
canbeexcellentconversationalcompany
isfriendly,outgoing,cooperative,readytoplease,spontaneous,positiveandenthusiastic
ismoreinsightful
doesntwanttobeseenasababyworksatbeinggrownup
acceptscorrectionanddiscipline
canatoneforguiltfelt
islessnaiveinsocialrelationships
getsalongbetterwithallpeers
isinfluencedbytheattitudesandinterestsofpeergroup
showsempathyandcanviewsthingsfromthestandpointofothers
showsincreasedtactwhencaringforyoungersiblings
hasimprovedmotherdaughterrelationship
likestolearn
showswarmadmirationforfirm,wellinformedteacherwhohassenseofhumor
canworkindependently,butdesiresgroupactivity
seizesopportunitiesfordiscussionordebateofpoliticalandcivicissues
showsincreaseinconceptualthinking,inabstracts
showsinitiative(example:mightstartownnewspaper)
attitudes
development.
Basicdescriptionof13YearOlds:Introspective
isnotasopenorcommunicativeandmaylapseintospellsofsilence
ismoreserious,lessspontaneous,morereflectiveandmoreselfcritical
exhibitsoccasionalmoodiness
ismoreadaptableanddependable
hasastrongsenseofduty
musesaboutfuture,wishes,ambitions
ismoreguardedmayhesitatebeforeexpressingself,maybemoreshywithstrangers
isverysensitivetocriticismandkeenlyperceptiveoftheemotionalstateofotherpersons
isintriguedbythewidearrayofinterpersonalrelations
needsalotofsympatheticunderstanding
atschool,respondswithintenseinteresttoassignmentsanddiscussions
hasagreatcapacitytoacquireknowledgethroughreading,listening,looking
showsincreasedresistancetoauthorityfigures
makesdetailedcriticismsofparentsGirlsmaybeverycriticalofmother,especiallyherdress,
clothes,makeup
seemstowithdrawfromfamilycircleandfromcloseconfidentialrelationshipwithparents
fightswithsiblings,particularlythosebetween6and11yearsofage
statespropositionsandquestionsideas,thinksintermsofhypotheticalconditions
enjoysmatchingwitswithacooperativeadult
becomesawareofabilitytoreason
searchesfortherightwordorphrase
ismorediscriminatingaboutcompanions,hasfewerfriends
iscontemptuousofkidstuffof12s
attitudes
development.
Basicdescriptionof14YearOlds:ComingintoHisOwn
isrobust,vigorous,expressive,gregarious
enjoyslife
laughsalot,hasagoodsenseofhumor
isfriendlyandoutgoing
isoptimistic
hasanewsenseofcontentmentandrelaxation
ismoreselfassured
isreasonable
preferscompanyofpeers
canperceivehowothersfeelandcanseeselfasothersseehim
istolerantofdifferencesinpeople
wantstobepopular
hasahighinterestinbeingmemberofformalclubs,teams
communicateswithfriendsatallhoursofdayornight
showsamorematureattitudetowardsadultsingeneral
showsgreaterrespectandconfidencebasedonincreasedunderstanding
isinterestedinpeopleandawareofpersonalitydifferences
lovestotalkanalyzingotherpeopleandtheirmotives,confessing,denying,disputing
canlookatallsidesofanissue
likestoreasonandiscapableofindependentthinking
hastheverbalcomprehensionandwordfluencyequalto4/5sadultlevel
triestoberealisticandobjectiveinjudgments,notasimpulsive
mayovercommit
canbeobjectiveaboutowndevelopmentthusfarandcanbegintoconsiderlongrangeplans
feelsembarrassedbyparentalconduct,yethomerelationsaremoregenialandlesstense
getsalongwellwithyoungersiblings
isexuberant,energeticbutreasonable,hasafairmeasureofwisdomandphilosophy,often
expressedinwitandhumor
attitudes
Development.Aswithallsuchlists,weaddthedisclaimerthateachchildisuniqueandwilldothingsin
hisorherownuniquewayandinhisorherowntime,sosomewillbehavethiswayatthisagewhile
otherswillexhibitthesebehaviorsearlierorlater.Allofthesecharacteristicsarenotevidentinevery
child.Parentsneedtotakeintoaccounteachchildstemperament,situationalfactors,agerelated
developmentaltasksandmaturitylevel.Parentsbenefitfromunderstandingtherollercoasterof
equilibriumanddisequilibriumthatmarkschilddevelopment.
Basicdescriptionof15YearOlds:AVeryComplexAge
maybeseenasindifferentorapathetic
ismorethoughtful,serious,introspective,andquietevenspeakswithasoftvoice
maybemorewithdrawn,slowtowarm,unwillingtorevealself
isseriousmindedbutdoesnotindulgeinheavymoods
haslessenergy,whichmayappearaslaziness
haslessinterestinfood,evensweets
showsincreasedselfawarenessandperceptiveness
canbeconfusedaboutownpotentialandresponsibilities
respectsthespokenwordandworkshardtoaccuratelystatethoughtsandideas
focusesattentionondetailsofthoughtandfeeling,noticessensitivities,irritabilities,resistances,
aversionsandsuspicions
usesexaggeratedlanguagetoexpressscorn
isasticklerforprecision,attimes,isaperfectionist
ismoody,butnotasintenseandpiercingasat13
isveryvulnerable
iscapableofharboringfeelingsofgrudge,revengeandviolence
issensitiveaboutownlimitationstasksthataretoohardsendhimintoaslump
isreconcilingloyaltytohome,schoolandcommunity
resistslimitsandisstrivingtobemoreindependent
ismorebelligerentanddefiant
isgregariousingroups,likesgatherings,willfollowacrowd,andenjoysspontaneousinformal
groupings
feelsconflictedoverissuesofattachmentanddetachment
virtuallysecedesfromfamilyomitsorskimpsongreetings,keepstoself,wontsitwithfamily
atfamilyfunctions;familyunityatalltimelow
getsalongbetterwithsiblings
analyzesthepersonalitytraitsofparents
lovesorhatesschool
canenjoycompetenceinschool,whichcanserveasanoutletfromsubservienceathome
cravesguidancefromoutsidethehome
attitudes
Development.Aswithallsuchlists,weaddthedisclaimerthateachchildisuniqueandwilldothingsin
hisorherownuniquewayandinhisorherowntime,sosomewillbehavethiswayatthisagewhile
otherswillexhibitthesebehaviorsearlierorlater.Allofthesecharacteristicsarenotevidentinevery
child.Parentsneedtotakeintoaccounteachchildstemperament,situationalfactors,agerelated
developmentaltasksandmaturitylevel.Parentsbenefitfromunderstandingtherollercoasterof
equilibriumanddisequilibriumthatmarkschilddevelopment.
Basicdescriptionof16YearOlds:ASenseofIndependence
ismoreselfpossessedandunderbettercontrol
hasgreaterselfreliance
showsadeeperselfcontentedness
ischeerful,friendly,outgoing,welladjusted,selfassured
likestobanterandenjoyslaughterteasingisgoodnatured
ismoretolerantofworld,takeslifeasitcomes
isnotasselfcritical
islessimpulsiveandshowsbetterjudgment
isnotasmoodyorruledbyemotions,notastouchy,criesinfrequently,cancurbanger
doesnotworryandtellsothersDontworryaboutme
isinterestedinhumannature
ismorewillingtoseeanotherspointofview
isinterestedinpeoplelikestobuildupmultiplefriendshipsmuchcompanionshiponanon
romanticbasis
islessinfluencedbypeergroup
likestomeetfriendsinownhome
hasfewerargumentswithfamilymembers,includingsiblings
maygetsummerjoborattendspecialcampseparatefromhome
ismoreorientedtowardsthefutureplansforcollege,cantalkaboutmarriageinseriousvein
attitudes

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