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The stages of grief may help mobbing targets identify and heal their own losses.
Post published by Janice Harper Ph.D. on Mar 28, 2013 in Beyond Bullying
For targets of workplace bullying who suffer severe psychological and social
pressure, there are many resources and trained professionals to help them. But for
targets of workplace mobbing, which is a form of group bullying that can have even
greater impacts on ones psychological well-being and career, there are far fewer
resources. Moreover, few mental health professionals are trained to recognize
mobbing, much less address its impacts.
As someone who receives phone calls and emails from mobbing targets on a
regular basis, and having survived a particularly egregious case of workplace
mobbing (link is external), I have come to see that how a mobbing target heals and
recovers from mobbing varies, depending on the psychological stage of grief they
are in when they seek help.
An organizational leadership that is prone to mobbing will not waste any time
alerting the workforce that the worker they want out is a trouble maker, with a long
history of issues/problems/complaints/what-have-yous who will be better off in
another job. When this happens, even workers with stellar reputations and work
records quickly find their identities and work histories revised as management
discretely shares their concerns about the worker to the workers coworkers,
suggesting that opportunities for advancement or improved working conditions may
ensue once the difficult employee is gone. To limit this aggression, do not discuss
managerial abuses with coworkers or others associated with the workplace, and
keep any formal responses brief, factual, and non-threatening.
Another way that denial manifests itself is for the worker to become emotionally
numb if not shocked. This response is particularly likely the more harsh and
flagrant the managerial action. This response can be especially debilitating,
preventing the worker from focusing, and often plunging the worker into a state of
deep depression. Unfortunately, this response, while normal, can further erode the
workers standing because they are not performing to their best ability, and their
anguish and stress are often visible to coworkers, creating the appearance that the
worker is not up to par, if not mentally ill. If you find yourself in a state of shock or
numbness, get help from a mental health professional quickly so that you can
withstand the intensifying aggression to comebecause it will.
Anger Its completely natural to become angry when people treat us unfairly, and
its understandable that humans become enraged when their survival is threatened
which is what happens when someones job and career are at stake. But this is
precisely the stage that a mobbing manager most delights in, because this is the
point where workers, who feel powerless in the face of managerial attacks, look
crazy, if not dangerous. The angry worker is a scary worker, and coworkers will
avoid them. Gossip will shift from what management has done to the worker, to
what the worker might do to them.
Any threats of revenge, retaliation, or even a threat to see a lawyer and seek
justice, can quickly be viewed as threats of violence once gossiping tongues start
work environment, the more certain management will be that the worker is
deserving of the treatment.
Bargain at an early stage, or dont bargain at all, unless you are willing to take
whatever crumbs are tossed your way (which may be the best option, as I will
discuss in a future essay). If you arent willing to settle for crumbs, and didnt
bargain early enough, hold off on the bargaining until you are either out of the
workplace (but have retained your legal rights), or have fallen quiet and played
dead long enough for the tide of aggression to subside.
Depression The depression associated with mobbing can be debilitating, and it
can hit while still on the job, and commonly, becomes profound after job loss.
Severe depression is particularly likely if the shunning associated with mobbing
has extended to ones broader social or professional network. In addition to mental
health treatment, there are a number of coping strategies that can help prevent the
acute depression associated with mobbing from turning into chronic and serious
depression. Exercise, comedy, community service, travel, and cognitive therapies
are all excellent for alleviating acute depression, which in time can mitigate or
prevent chronic depression. Broadening ones support group outside the workplace
is also invaluable in helping to overcome the depression mobbing targets inevitably
suffer.
Acceptance The final stage of grief, acceptance, may be the most difficult to
achieve for the mobbing target who has suffered profound injustice and/or
professional, social and economic loss. Yet it is the first stage to true healing, and
thus the most important. The earlier one reaches the stage of acceptance and
removes themselves from proximity to the mob, the faster and greater the recovery
both psychologically and professionally.
By reflecting on these stages of grief, both mobbing targets and their coworkers
can gain insights into what is going on and respond accordingly. To coworkers, if a
worker who is being targeted by management for elimination acts strangely or
appears mentally unstable, consider these stages and how their behaviors might
appear strange, but are actually normal responses to abnormal stressors, and they
are temporary.
To the mobbing target, first identify the stage you are in, and then know that this
stage will pass. The external situation may remain adverse, and in most cases, will
even worsen in many respects. But the emotional state you are in is temporary,
and psychological recovery is possible regardless of the material losses.
For those who find themselves stuck in a stage, however, recovery may be distant.
The most common stages where the mobbing target freezes are anger and
depression. There is every reason to be furious if you have been mobbed, and
every reason to be profoundly depressed if you have lost your job and not found a
comparable new one, and especially if you have been shunned. But no matter how
justified your emotional responses, always remember that you cannot heal until
you address the stage that you are in, and reach the state of acceptance which
allows you to transcend the painful past and restore your mental and emotional
health.
Its not easy, its not fair, and its not fast. But for all who say that bullying and
mobbing destroy a person, I answer, only if you let it. Dont let yourself be
destroyed. Let yourself be healed so that you can give to the world your own
unique gifts, skills, and personality. To give into the rage or the depression, is to
join the mob against you. Dont treat yourself in the same way the mob has treated
you. Heal yourself. Only then will you begin to get your life back, and it may well be
a far richer and more rewarding life than you ever knew before.