Cubic Hair

This column isnt about the much anticipated title of

this years conferences newsletter DAILY BEEF. Neither
is it about how this ridiculously tiresome and
exceptionally wannabe title came into being (although
the columnist will talk about it in minor details). Now that
I have made clear what the column is not about, I would
further make a request to the readers to not to ponder
over what it is about. The priority reason being that the
columnist himself has not the faintest clue about it!
As a first year student in the college English department I
have been bestowed with free French fries, samosas and
tea at least twice during my eternal presence for the preconference preparatory meetings! And now when I look
at the tile of this first edition of the newsletter I cant but
feel ecstatically and honourably useless at my
contribution. But no! I have already declared this column
isnt about the newsletter title. So well the progenitor is
left with nothing but to make it about the title of this very
column:
CUBIC HAIR.
The progenitor, at this point, would like to declare that
resemblance of the title to the genital strands of any
person or animal dead or alive whatsoever, is purely
deliberate and not at coincidental!
What does CUBIC HAIR stand for?
Well it stands for the Annual National Conference of
English organised by the pointless collaboration of
Ramjas and Sri Venkateswara colleges of Delhi University.
Loaded with under budgeting and the occasional bouts of
hysteria vehemently pulled off by the teachers and

students in equal proportions, the conference, in the eyes

of at least a first year student (as that is the only
population for whom I can speak) stands for moments of
self questioning and their roles in the wilderness of
intelligentsia surrounded with words outwardly
pronounceable but inwardly utterly incomprehensible! All
the while one might still be questioning In what fashion does Cubic Hair stand, even opaquely,
for this highly classed and audibly sophisticated
conference?
Here is the answer Cubic hair is as double meaning as the discussions in this
conference are going to be. Double meaning not in the
sense of being Vulgar but in the sense of how DAILY
BEEF, as I presume, is going to show them to be. Which
is well, inappropriate and boring!
Coming to the minor details of how Daily Beef (and
even Cubic Hair for that matter) came into being.
There had been a round table conference, with tea and a
couple of discrete cigarettes in action. Much had been
pondered over the title of the godforsaken newsletter but
the vain efforts righteously complied with the uniform
norms of anti-productivity logistics. Finally, wordassociation came to our rescue. A game followed by the
birth of meaninglessly disassociated sentences including
words that are beyond the ordinary sense of relevance.
Ranging from articles such as of and an to the ones
that give you a soothing sense of bodily gratification like
masturbation, the words that were hot favourites were
beef (obviously), chicken, pork, booty followed by call,
poppy followed by cock (not chicken), and other forms of
disgustingly appealing syllables that were given a green

card followed by an orderly meticulous discussions

pertaining to theirs details, without much objection.
Right now I am reminded that while writing this piece I
occasionally zone out as I am now and lose track of what
I have been talking about. Forgive me for I, by no means,
intend to put a lot of thought into a column that cannot
and absolutely cannot, even by its power of soothsaying,
talk about what is going to become of the forthcoming
National Conference . But what I do know is that giving
my readers a vague idea of its preparatory arrangements
(which also includes Venky students working their
eyeballs off while Ramjas students retiring for an
unproductive department trip) will make it a little more
looked forward to, if not by anyone else then at least by
the preparatory paraphernalia itself.
Anyway, where was I?