How to Manage Emotional Energy

Be seated comfortably, keeping the spine upright, head straight, hands on the tights, and
gently close your eyes. For few moments become aware of your body, if there is
anything tight on the body then loosen it, if there is anything for of tension on the body
try to release it, and be comfortable in this posture for few moments. Focusing on the
feeling of stillness and silence in the body. Now take a deep breath in and chant the
mantra Om three times with me altogether. Breath in, Om, Om, Om. Repeat after me,
Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti, Hi, Hari Om. Hari Om Tat Sat. Slowly open your eyes and
move the body. Hari Om Tat Sat.
We meet here again today to discuss about yoga and the topic that has been given today
is the management of emotions. And this is possibly the least known component of
yoga, in the west as well as in the east. Because until now humanity in general, people
in general, have connected with their intellect, with their head, and not with their
emotions or with their heart. And everything that happens at the realm of emotional
experience is analyzed at the level of intellect. And therefore it becomes difficult or
practically impossible to understand the real nature of our emotions. And we are unable
to manage them when there is disturbance or imbalance in it. And emotions are the
least understood form of human expression in this planet. But let us begin our journey
from intellect. And then we come down to the emotions.
The entire life is an interplay of consciousness and energy according to Yoga, according
to Tantra and according to Vedanta. Yoga, Tantra and Vedanta represent the three
systems of human transformation as developed in India. But in the absence of
knowledge of their procedures, and techniques and principles, Tantra and Vedanta are
looked upon as philosophy only; but they are complementary topics, they are
complementary subjects to Yoga. Because whereas Yoga provides and understanding of
the process of self transformation, Tantra provides and understanding of the interplay
between consciousness and energy in our material life, and Vedanta provides and
understanding of developing a balanced attitude, a different attitude, a more universal
attitude to adopt in life. And these three systems when come together, when they come
together they become a very powerful tool of self transformation.
But this self transformation is not an intellectual self transformation, as many of you
who practice yoga, have come across various concepts and principles of knowing the
mind, of observing the thoughts, of guiding the desires, and aspirations and ambitions,
of managing ones own inhibitions and complexes. And when people come to spiritual
life they also believed that more they know the more advanced or spiritual they will
become. And people read volumes and volumes of literatures just trying to understand
something. But instead of understanding they go through a process of intellectual
gymnastics. And sometimes get even more confused. You know, one of the major
Upanishads of India has a statement in it, it says: knowledge definitely leads to
illumination but at the same time can lead to greater darkness if it is not converted into
wisdom. And therefore today, although we have the knowledge we do not have the
wisdom; we have the understanding but we are still in darkness, we do not know how to

apply that understanding in our normal day to day affairs, and behaviors and actions and
performance. And, Aurobindo, one of the greatest philosophers of the last century, made
a statement: that in the beginning intellect is always a friend, but at the end intellect
becomes the barrier which you need to transcend in order to establish yourself in
spiritual life. So here you see a process, of using the intellect, of using the intellectual
abilities, using the potentials and the processes of the mind, such as thoughts, and
desires and other faculties of the mind, the expressive natures of mind, to come to a
point of realization where knowledge is applied in life. And this process in yoga, is
known as Jnana Yoga.
Jnana Yoga does not mean as many people have believed, yoga of knowledge, although
the word, Jnana, denotes knowledge, and Jnana Yoga means Yoga of Knowledge
literally. But it is not the intellectual knowledge, rather it is the experienced knowledge,
an experienced understanding one has to develop and evolve in course of ones life. In
my journeys throughout the world many times I come across very peculiar Jnana
Yoguis, who follow the teachings of Ramaharananchi and others sages and seers. I met
a person once, who said to me: Swamiji I am a jnana yogui, I said, wonderful; because I
know how they function and I tried to cut him off. Wonderful. But he insisted on telling
me what he used to do. And he said: Swamiji I asked myself a question who am I? And
I try to give myself an answer. I said: Wonderful. He continued: Swamiji I meditate; I
said: wonderful. Swamiji I asked myself the question of who am I and what is my
relationship with the world. I asked him: Did you discover that? He said: No, it is easy
to think that I am something great and divine, but it is very difficult to experience it in
life. I said that is where the practical and the sequential part of yoga becomes important
in ones life. Dont be a book worm. Dont be a book worm. But follow a practice in
which you discover yourself, and not by asking yourself who you are, but by seeing
yourself as you are in present in reality. Because if you ask yourself who is going to
answer you? Is your mind that answers you back. According to its interpretations of life,
according to its experiences gained in life, and according to your conditionings which
we have inherited form our society, from our culture, from our religion, from our
civilization. And these interpretations and these ideas will only reflect a conditioning of
the mind and not identify the real self.
I am starting with Jnana Yoga, intellect, for a specific reason although my subject is
emotions, heart. But you see one of the main problem that we face in our life, is to try to
analyze things which can not be analyzed. You know, many, many, years ago when
medicine was first discovered, and there were doctors who were experimenting with
medicines an chemicals, and trying to discover was the purpose of each one, the
chemicals, their interaction and response to the body, and sickness and death and
disease. My grandfather, he was a medical student, and this was in the early thirties I
will say. And a group of students got together; they were given the task of knowing the
taste of different chemicals, poisons, which used in medicine for medicinal purposes. So
they were going trough that experiment of discovering the taste, and the quality and the
consistency of the medicines and quemicals. So somebody had a brain wave, cyanide
was only recently discover. Somebody had a brain wave: let us try to find out what is
the test of cyanide. So they all looked at my father, at my grandfather, and he said: ok, I
will try to discover the taste of cyanide. And he was a student at that time not married.
So he sat down on his table with a glass of cyanide in one hand and paper and pen on
the other hand and got ready to sacrifice his life for the sake of science. He drank the
glass of cyanide wrote something on the piece of paper and kaput. He died on the table.

And off course all the doctors and students who were standing around him said: poor
fellow he died. But nevertheless he sacrificed his life for the sake of science, let us see
what is the taste of cyanide that he has taste it and written on the piece of paper. So one
doctor looked at the piece of paper and said the taste of cyanide is sweet. Dulce. The
other doctor standing besides the first one said: no, sorry the taste of cyanide is salty;
the third one said let me look at the piece of paper, looked at it and said: no, both of you
are wrong; the taste of cyanide is sour. And my grandfather, who was death on the table,
opens his eyes, lifts his head up, and says: look all three are wrong only I know the taste
and back down. And what was written on that piece of paper? A single letter, S, because
S can mean Sweet, S can mean Sour, and S can mean Salty. So you see when there is no
experience how the mind functions to discover something and creates an idea about it.
But when the experience comes, and this is only a story, because if my grandfather
would had died then I will not be here today. So that is a story, a joke dont mind it. So
the point is coming to the experience of your intelligence. Now there are two things one
is intellect and one is intelligence.
Intellect is association of mind with the world of senses and the objects the name and
form an idea. After all what is creation? It is nothing but different objects, forms and
names which we recognize. Each object has a form, each object has a name. Each form
is represented in an object, each form has a name; each name has an object, each name
has a form. And this is creation; creation is name, form and object. That is all. And is the
intellect, which associates, and which interacts with this dimension of names, form and
object; is buddhi in yoga. And the external objects or events or conditions play a major
role in altering the perceptions of intellect. Intelligence is a more vast and a more
broader concept than intellect, because intelligence can encompass the material or
physical and also the transcendental the psychic, the mystical. Intelligence has no
boundaries whereas intellect has boundaries. And intelligence can be experienced in
form of intuition as well, in form of a type of realization as well, a form of knowing, a
form of recognizing. And we as human beings identify so much with our intellect that
everything else is set aside, all other experiences are set aside, and if those experiences,
or those concepts or those ideas do not fit in the structure of our intellect are rejected.
They are simply rejected. Because we say it does not fit in my concepts it does not fit in
my understanding, it does not fit in my head, and therefore it is unnecessary. Intellect
goes through a process of maturity, intelligence is constant. A child has an intellect, but
that intellect is being trained and educated. And, there is, we can see the process of
maturity of mind as the child progress from one class to the other, to the other, to the
other, and as the child grows up with the inputs of the society, and the family and the
culture, and the traditions. That is the development of intellect. Maturity of intellect and
this intellect is actually a conditioning of mind, a conditioning of mind which can be
uplifting and which can also be static and stagnated. And all our expressions and
experiences and concepts and ideas we try to fit it, in this limited area of our intellect,
therefore in today society although we know a lot, we are not able to live what we
know. Although our aspirations are much higher, our efforts do not match the intensity
of our aspirations. One example if somebody has to come here at six oclock because
they have certain duties to do and they come at seven thirty or eight. Knowing fully well
that they are responsible for certain areas, and duties and commitments. Intellect knows,
they have the knowledge, they know, that they have to be here, that there is a program
happening. I am using this as a gross example please dont mind it; I am not attacking
anybody, I am not trying to find any fault, I am just trying to explain a natural process of
ones understanding. Knowing fully well that the program is happening that people are

coming at six, and I come at seven thirty. While you have the intellect, how come your
intellect is behaving in this manner making you totally unconcerned of your duties and
responsibilities and commitments? And then there is an excuse, oh I woke up early but
something happened that did not allow me to come here in time; I woke up early but
something happened which did not allow me to come here on time. You see my point?
Intellect is there, knowledge is there, but your participation and involvement in that
intellectual commitment is not there. Just a break.
And therefore, we in Yoga go through the practices , specially, more specifically in
Raja Yoga, we go through a process of seeing ourselves, experiencing our minds,
analyzing our thoughts, observing our desires, categorizing our expectations; deciding
the priority of expectations until we are able to manage our intellect and be in harmony
with that. And then we come down to emotions, and for the management of emotions
there is a different yoga; just as for the management of mind there is a different yoga
which is known as Raja Yoga; For the management of emotions there is another set of
yoga known as Bhakti Yoga. But before you attempt to understand what Bhakti is, you
have to understand the nature of emotions. What is an emotion? Energy in motion is
emotion. Energias en mocion son emociones. Energy in motion and emotions are the
outcomes or the reactions of an interactive process between the intellect and the object.
I see a flower, flower is an object, and the image which I am seeing of the flower is
being capture through my mind. But this association of mind and the object will give
birth to a feeling. And I will appreciate the beauty, the smell; the form of the flower,
there will be a feeling of happiness in that association. I see a person whom I have not
seen for many years; person is an object, I am an object, my association with mind with
that person will make me feel happy within, and a feeling of euphoria that the person is
coming. You know the sense of bubbling inside with love, with affection with desire to
go to that person. I see a person in front of me whom I classify as my adversary or
enemy, the moment I see that person, what I will experience in me will be anger, what I
will experience in me is hatred, what I will experience in me is dissatisfaction, a cut, a
disassociation. So what I am saying here, that emotions are the results, of an association
between persons, and objects, and ideas, and concepts, and situations and
circumstances. And these emotions can not be managed easily, because we do not know
what our associations are, to be very frank. I mean intellectually you think of your
associations to other people in terms of family and friends. This person is my husband,
my wife, this is my boyfriend, this is my girlfriend, this is my son, this is my daughter,
this is my brother, this is my sister, this is my uncle, this is my aunt, this is my
grandfather, this is my grandmother. And in each association there is a component of
that responsive emotion involved. Am I clear?
Now, if there is a positive interaction, the emotions will be positive. There will be a
feeling of love; there will be a feeling of happiness, sympathy, compassion. And that if
the emotion is negative, the mind will become negative, jealousy, anger, frustration,
anxiety. And this all because of association, association between the person and the
environment, the surroundings, the nature, the world, the people, entire thing. And
therefore we see emotions are nothing but energies in movement. Energies in
movement. And you look at yourself, when you look at your boyfriend, or girlfriend,
what do you experience? Passion. When you look at your children, what do you
experience? Affection. When you look at your adversaries, what do you experience?
Competitiveness and jealousy. When you look at a bag of money lying here in the
middle of the floor, what would you experience? Greed. When you look at something

different the corresponding emotions will awaken; when you look at something different
the corresponding emotion will awaken. And emotions are like clear crystals balls. A
crystal ball does not have its own colors, it is clear. But if you place that crystal ball in
top of a red cloth, red color will be reflected in it. If you place the crystal ball in a black
cloth, black color will be seen in it. No matter what different colors, are placed under
the crystal ball those colors will be seen reflected. And that is the nature of the emotion
too. Emotions are neither material nor spiritual; they are there. A force, a force; energy.
And that energy when comes in contact with different situations, or people, or objects,
or concepts, or ideas the color of that particular interaction is seen in the crystal of the
emotions and you experienced it. Am I clear? Do you understand this?
And it is when emotions are being diverted into the world of senses, they take us though
a million of experiences good and bath both: compassion, sympathy, love on one
extreme and hatred and jealousy and greed and desire to kill the other person on another
extreme. And this is happening continuously, this is happening continuously. Now Yoga
says that when you divert the externalize emotions inwards, when you are able to
redirect, when you are able to divert or redirect or channel the outgoing flowing
emotions inwards, then that becomes Bhakti. Although people think of Bhakti in terms
of devotion, although people think of Bhakti as a devotional practice and a process.
From yoguic perspective it is not so, from yoguic perspective it is the management of
these extreme emotions by harmonize and internalizing them by re-channeling them
which is the aim of Bhakti Yoga. Not to think about God, thinking about God is not the
purposes of Bhakti, is not the purpose of devotion, that maybe your inclination, that
maybe your desire, but is the management of human emotion that is the first
consideration of Bhakti Yoga. And there are nine stages of Bhakti Yoga. If you have
come across the principles of Raja Yoga you will find that there are eight different
branches, aspects of Raja Yoga. The Jnanas, the Nyamas, the Asanas, the Pranayamas,
the Prathyahara, the Harama, the Meditation and the Samadhi. And Raja Yoga is known
as the eightfold path of yoga. But Bhakti Yoga is known as the nine fold path of yoga,
because there are nine different components of Bhakti or systems of emotional
management.
And Bhakti is lived and practiced in a meditative condition; because here you have to
manage your mind, and allow the emotions to sublimate themselves. There separation
has to take place between the emotional associations and the intellectual associations.
And until the separation does not happen, one does not progress in the path of Bhakti or
emotional management. And this is definitely a contradiction to the prevalent ideas of
what emotions are in the west. And emotions are seen as weakness, if somebody cries
the people will think the person is weak. I have seen parents tell their children, dont cry
be a man. You might have said that to your child too, some time or the other. Dont cry
be a man, which means that we do not allow the expression of our emotions. And that is
the most unfulfilled area of our lives. And there is a vacuum, a sense of emptiness when
these emotions are not developed. And this sense of emptiness which takes people
through crisis in life; it can be a family crisis, it can be a moral crisis, it can be a crisis
of values, it can be any kind of crisis. Because the modern society does not accept
emotions as strength of personality but as weakness of personality, and Yoga accepts
emotions as the strength of personality and not as a weakness.
And therefore, there are nine stages of perfection of Bhakti Yoga. And these nine stages
have never been thought in the west, not even by us. Because whenever the name

Bhakti is taken, people think: Oh religion, not for me, sorry. There is no concept, and
that concept does not exist in the western culture. The concept of emotional
management does not exist in the western culture. For them emotion is only an
expression of their desire. Love for example, is considered to be the emotion everyone
experiences but I challenge you that none of you have you experienced love at all in
your life. What you have experienced is sensuality. What two people experience
between themselves is not love it is sensuality. What two people experience between
themselves is not love but an interplay of their expectations. And love is something that
humans have never experienced in their lives; I challenge all of you. Only few had.
Only few had, Christ did. He felt love and that love was not conditioned for obtaining or
achieving his own goals. Rather it was without any condition, selfless. Other masters
have experienced and have awaken this force. And their love has been practical not
blind. Our love is impractical and blind, their love is practical and uplifting. Our
association of love is to fulfill our need; our association of love is to fulfill our need.
And giving someone all your love, giving someone all your love is never an assurance
that they will love you back. You have to allow love to grow in the heart of the other
person, you have to allow the love to grow in the heart of the other person, dont
demand it. I am diverting from my lecture point for a minute. And if the other person
never loves you at least you should be happy, that love was nurtured in you. Because
you have to experience that transformation not the other person. And if you are
expecting a return from the other person, then where is that love which is
unconditional? So be happy that love grew in you, and identify with that.
But coming back to the subject of Bhakti, that in these nine stages of Bhakti Yoga; in
the first practice of Bhakti, what do we do? Association with the appropriate and
uplifting environment is the first thing. Which means that now you have to decide on
your associations. You have to decide on your associations. You associate with
those who can transform your life, who can touch your life, and who can uplift your life,
through their optimism, through their positivity, through their clarity, and who can make
your heart sing. That is the first association of Bhakti Yoga. And off course it is very
difficult to find somebody in the outer world who can make my heart sing or anybodys
heart sing. So naturally the diversion is towards the cosmic self, God, because it is
Gods energy which makes our heart sing. So in this there are people who associate this
feeling, this experience with God. There are people who associate this feeling, this
relation with Guru. There are people who associate this feeling, this relationship with
somebody Santo, y sabio de nuestra casa, somebody who is knowledgeable and well
versed and wisdom to associate with. Whatever the appropriate approach we adopt
externally the main point is, the main idea is that you make a choice. You have to make
a choice of association. And I have to make a choice, and everyone has to make a choice
of association. And the connection has to take place with something, which always
keeps us connected with that energy the transformative energy. And that is the first step
of Bhakti Yoga, it begins in meditation.
In Bhagavad Gita one of the scriptures of India, spiritual scripture not religious
scripture, there is a very beautiful statement which talks about associations. It says, that
mind when associates with the objects gives birth to desire. Second line, we all make an
attempt to fulfill and to attend that desire which has come. Third line, when we are
unable to fulfill that desire frustration is experienced internally. Forth line, when
frustration is experienced the mind looses its clarity and becomes engrossed and
obsessed by what it has not achieved or gained. And there is a more intense drive to

fulfill that desire or ambition. When the drive becomes more forceful along with
frustration, along with personal self-oriented expectations; then it creates a split of
mind, the mental peace is destroyed. The discriminative abilities disappear. And the
materialistic obsessive nature becomes predominant. And eventually that leads to death
of human character and human peace. Now this is very true statement. It is very correct
statement, because we are not able to manage our associations and too much caught up
in our expectations and desires. Too selfish and not self-less, I am not saying that
everybody has to become self-less and ignore what our requirements and needs are. No,
but there has to be a balance in giving and taking. If fifty percent you are selfish, then
fifty percent you have to be self-less, as simple as that. And this is what you need to
achieve in life, balance between selfishness and self-lessness. If you renounce hundred
percent selfishness, then you become Swami Niranjan or Swami Satyanan, or Swami
Sivanan or anybody like that. But if you are able to renounce even fifty percent of your
selfishness nature and adopt fifty percent of self-less nature then you will become a
yogui. Then you will become a yogui. So in the first component of Bhakti Yoga this is
the balance which we try to achieve through meditation by reanalyzing and observing
our associations and our connections and allowing the emotions to express themselves
in the form of strengths and not in the forms of weaknesses.
Second component of Bhakti Yoga is to always have positive and constructive thoughts.
And this relates with the first component of Yoga, the component of ahimsa, absence of
violence. Now violence is generally taken to be something external but in Yoga is not
so. Absence of violence from personality is ahimsa; not even in thought. Not even in
speech, not in action but always identifying with that positive and the uplifting quality,
identifying with the positive and the balanced emotions. Maintaining the positive
thoughts and basing those thoughts on righteousness and truth, basing those inner
expressions on righteousness and truth. Today as your task, as your homework, just see
yourself what kind of negative thoughts you get during the day and how many they are,
oh I do not like this, it is a negative though; or these people they are too difficult, is a
negative thought. Just analyze and observe what are the negative thoughts that you
experience during the day in your mind, and can you make them positive, and how will
you make them positive. Make and attempt today and see and after all, I am not only
lecturing of your intellectual satisfaction, I am also telling you the ways to comes to this
point of inner transformation, understanding and awareness. So try today, and in the
evening we shall do, as announced, during the mahamyamitra mantra a short meditation
so you can experience the transformation of the emotions. I am not going to define all
nine stages of Bhakti Yoga. They also have all names, maybe later on the screen you
will have all the nine names of Bhakti Yoga, techniques and the practices, but we will
we will not have time to see and discuss each one and their relevance in relation to our
lives.
But the third one, is to free oneself from ego. And how does one free oneself from ego?
You know, every moment of the day we wear a different mask on our face. And we look
at the world through that mask, and we look at ourselves through that mask. And we
have never seen our own faces in the mirror; I do not mean the mirror in the bathroom, I
mean the mirror inside. Because the different kind of masks that we put on, in relation
to our self-image, and self-projection are the masks that take us away from the truthful
nature. Is logical isnt it? If you put on a mask you cant see your own face. You see a
different face, the face of the mask. How we wish to project ourselves, and how we
want other people to see us is the effort which you make every day. That is putting on

the different masks. Do we have the ability to get rid of these masks and be natural, be
ourselves? No, because we identify too deeply with our egos. And ego is something
which is the identity of life, is not bad; ego is the identity of life it is not bad at all. But
what is bad is how we utilize that ego to project ourselves. In which there is sometimes
no consideration but of our own requirements. I have seen people driving the latter
stages of society and they pull the legs of other people who are drying to climb up with
them. And at the same time maintain a smiling face. No, as they say killing with a smile.
Each one kills another person with a smile, bang. Because we want to get on top. And
the drive to be on top, at the expense of values, at the expense of human component that
we all have within ourselves, it is the putting on the different masks in Yoga. And one
has to free oneself from that, and to be egoless. Egoless means to be free of the negative
ego identifications. To be free from the aggressive ego identifications. And to know who
you are as the true self, who you are as the true self. If somebody says, Oh you are
wonderful, you are such a nice person, so helpful, so amable, so gentil. That
suddenly, you know, we sit up more upright and be more straight with more smiles in
our faces because we have given a compliment. What has that compliment fed in our
life? It has fed our ego. What does an abuse feed in our life? It feeds our ego. So if
somebody says, you are bad, we feel bad. If somebody says you are a dog, I beging to
think that maybe I am really a dog, I begin to think that I must be a dog, because the
person is saying. So different associations take place, the ego associations. And the most
important component of Bhakti is to disassociate with this ego connection.
The negative, aggressive ego connection and come to a balances state. The sattvic ego.
And in the beginning we dont aspire to be egoless but we try to acquire the sattvic ego.
And that sattvic ego is important to survive in the world, and we you die, then the
sattvic ego is also dissolved.
But Bhakti in this manner, the nine systems of Bhakti, the nine components of Bhakti,
become the means to improve the quality of emotions, the energy in motion. And it is
Bhakti which brings about a balance between the attitudes of head and heart. Intellect
and emotions. And even in Yoga, Parahamsaji, our guru, has said many times, that Yoga
is nothing but harmonizing the function and the activities of head, heart and hands;
enhancing the qualities of head, heart and hands. Not only intellect, not only
performance but also the balanced emotion which leads to balanced intellect and
balanced performance. And emotions are not seeing, as a weakness of our personality,
but as strengths. Because they are the strengths which connect a human being with
another human being. They are the strengths that connect a human being with God.
They are the strengths that connect our civilization as a family. And Bhakti Yoga is
possible the most important Yoga, but the most misunderstood Yoga as well. And since
we have had the topic of discussing emotions, we shall look into the various
components and practical approaches to manage our emotional personality and the
traumas that we face in our life. So we shall have a short break for ten minutes and then
we continue with the subject in form of questions and answers and conver more topics
and more grounds that way. Hari Om Tat Sat.
We have some children questions. First is the mothers love an unconditional love? and
second is there away, a method for parents who have young children, or adolescent or
pre-adolescent children to help them manage their lives and emotions in a more
constructive way? I will ask Rishi Vivekananda to begin with this question.

Rishi Vivekananda: Probably the closest we can get to unconditional love is the love of
a mother for her child. Oh, the translation is going on, I have spent the last six weeks
around South America with a translator. And off course this, this is just the natural thing
a mother feels, it is not something she tries to feel, is not something she expects to feel,
is just something that flows quiet naturally and with the developing pregnancy, the
childbirth, and her very intimate relationship with the child. Off course the more a
mother has her love free up, the more the freerer the mothers love then the more she
can give to the child. When our children were growing up we, Rishi Hridayananda and I
have three sons, and I always remember a little statement that I heard one time, and that
is the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. I think that
here too the husband is important. And because if he really loves the mother then that
really frees her love up to give to the children. So the other interesting thing about it is
this, there is a whole hormonal factor involved. And the hormone is prolactin, is
interesting that prolactin is a hormone that develops in the breasts, it develops the milk
production, and as well as that it has an effect on the emotional aspects, affects the
feelings, affect the emotional feelings of the mother. And during the pregnancy the
prolactin levels in the blood rises like this, and towards the end of pregnancy they are
very high. It is interesting also to know that in some species, including some humans, if
the husband has a very intimate relationship with the wife, his prolactin levels also rise
towards the end of the pregnancy. So this is a real partnership, their hormones are in
rhythm as well. And so that aspect of this unrequited love or unconditional love is very
much a part of the relationship between the mother and her child.
The second part of the question was? How to help them manage their lives and
emotions in a more constructive way? Oh, I think when it comes to the children the
contribution we can make to their emotional welfare; it is really, specially, the emotional
welfare of the parents, who give the example to the children. People sometimes ask me,
when is the best time for a child for instance to start Yoga? And I say at conception.
The best time for a child to start Yoga is at beginning of the mothers pregnancy, and the
whole development of the child and the positive emotional development of the child is
formed within the womb of the mother. The brain wiring for instance is going on all the
way through pregnancy, specially towards the latter part of the pregnancy. If the mother
is very tense and anxious then that is the kind of wiring that is going to be built into the
child. Off course wiring is not permanent but certainly to get a good start, let the mother
practice Yoga during pregnancy. And then the wiring will become positive, the wiring of
the brain will become positive. And then off course after the child is born the intimate
relationship with the mother and the child, and the intimate relationship between the
father and the mother, and the father and the child, will foster that positive emotions and
feelings within the child. And you do not do anything is just an automatic process that
grows through. And then if the parents are actually involved in yoga, practicing yoga
then the offspring will naturally gravitate towards it. Or they will go the opposite way.
They will say, oh look at these two old these days they are doing all that yoga stuff, that
is not for us. But by that time the positive emotions and feelings are within the child,
growing child, are already established. And even if they do not do yoga they will still
have a very ethical and good relationship with the people around them. So my
recommendation do Yoga. And if you plan on getting pregnant definitely do it.
Sw. Niranja: Swami Shivamurti

Swami Sivamurti: The second part of the question I off course agree with what Rishi
Vivekananda has said.
Sw. Niranja: if you can speak louder so I can hear you.
Swami Sivamurti: I am looking at the second part of the question in relation to children.
I agree off course with what Rishi Vivekananda has said. Just one point came to mind
when I was listening to him, and that was that I think is very important for parents not to
tell their children how they should feel. I have seen in many cases, children expressing a
certain feeling, or certain emotion, and as Swamiji was saying before, when someone, a
little boy cries, they might said well boys dont cry. And we grow up with that feeling
inside us saying we are not going to become a man if we cry. In the same way they are
many tufts the children feel that we feel we need to take care of. But we need to let me
feel it, let them express it whether they are right or wrong. Maybe at another time they
will feel that the emotion needs correction, the mother or the father can correct it in their
own way, using here, I will suggest, reason, explaining what this wasnt perhaps the
way to feel, or maybe there is another way, another approach on seeing, things like that.
I remember in my own experience, with my own mother, she allowed to us to express
what we felt, how we felt it. And at a much later time, she would add a few guidelines
or corrections when we were ready to hear it. Because at the time we were young, and
expressing the emotion, we are not really ready to have it chopped up, we are not ready
to hear it that is not something we should be feeling.
And the first part of the question was? Do you think that a mother love for her child is
unconditional. Does that qualify as unconditional? Yes and no. I would also have heard
that is the grandmothers love that sometimes can be more unconditional. I think that
children can form a very deep relationship with their grandparents because there is
certain distance between the grandparents and the child. That does not mean that I feel
that a mothers love can not be unconditional. I have two minds about it, yes and no,
could be or couldnt be, it depends. Definitely the mother is closest to the child, and the
child depends totally on the mother for nurturing and sustenance, and for love, for care
and for affection. And the mother gives that freely but modern mothers as seeing in
todays life, they also want to live their own life, and even before the child is very old,
even when the child is two, or three they want to get on with their lives, go back to their
work and fulfill their careers. This to my understanding is not unconditional love,
because I feel that the child needs to be with the mother, especially until he reaches up
the age of seven having a lot of contact with her. And having her attention when he
needs it, or when she needs it. So I think perhaps the generation we are facing up, the
modern mothers, they want to be more independent, they want to be more free, they
want to do their own thing, they want yes to have children, but they also want to get on
with their lives. So perhaps the unconditional aspect of love that Rishi Vivekananda
found with his relationship with Rishi Hridayananda is a generation past, that is
passing, something that we can admire and aspire for.
Swami Niranja: My turn, first question whether mothers love is unconditional or not, I
do not believed it to be unconditional. No, I agree that there is a specific kind of
relationship within mother and child. A very intimate relationship between mother and
child. Which makes the mother sacrifice many things for the welfare of the child. But
that love is not unconditional love. It is a special variety of love. It is a specialized
version of love. But not unconditional. Because the affection that you feel, the love that

you feel is only for your child, nor for any other child. If your child is sick you are
willing to sacrifice your time, to stay up all night sitting besides the bed, but the same
feeling you do not have for somebody else who is sick. Your mother love is only
restricted to your child, no one elses. So how can your love be conditional
or unconditional? I agree that it is a special variety of love which contains sacrifice in it,
there is consideration in it, there is feeling in it, but I will never agree that is
unconditional. Because is only limited to your offspring and to no one else. It is not
unconditional love, mothers love is not unconditional love. But for her child can be
unconditional, it is conditional because you are expecting something there. Even in
relationship with your child is not unconditional, rather it is conditioned because there is
an expectation. Maybe not for today but for tomorrow there is. Maybe not for tomorrow
but after one year there is. And your have in your mind already a vision of how the child
is going to grow and how your relationship is going to be with that child. So sorry, try
again next time. But what I can suggest, is that yes, you cultivate the purity of your
love. If you can cultivate the purity of your love, then one day it may become, I am not
saying it will become, it may become, unconditional. And the purity of love is the
outcome of your wisdom in life. It is not something that you can say, I suppose my love
is pure and I am pure, that is bullshit. The ultimate expression of love, the ultimate
expression of love, is the purity of your nature. In which you see yourself, reflected in
other people, which is known in Sanskrit as atmabhava the ability to see yourself in
anothers person. If there is an accident of car, and five young kids have broken their
legs and arms and are bleeding, and end up in hospital. And you get a phone call
that your son is laying in hospital bed along with his other friends. You go to the
hospital and you come in to your child first. You go to your child who has only suffered
minor bruises, and cuts, but your care and concern at that moment is only limited to
your child. And not to the other fellow, the other passenger, who is bleeding and may
die at any time. So would you call that love unconditional? If you would then you
know more than me and I do not have to answer it. And therefore my opinion is
clear. There is no such thing as unconditional love in the life of anybody who is unable
to see themselves, their own image in other person. You are attracted to your child,
because you see in that child your reflection. And therefore your association and
your relationship is different and more specific with your people. And it is very broad
based and general with other people. So even in relationship with ones own people and
family, the love is always conditioned.
And as for the second part of the question is concerned, there is no need to teach
children emotional management. Have you taught them how to be angry? Have you
taught them how to be jealous? How you taught them how to hate? Have you taught
them how to love? Have you taught them how to be compassionate? No, you have
never taught them these things, they have learned by themselves. Their emotional
expression is their own, untainted by your influence. But what you can do is to provide
the right way for them to express their feelings and emotions. And for that you have to
stop being a parent to your child, because as parent you are the judge, you are the jury
and you are the executioner. You tell your child, dont do this do this; dont do this do
this; dont do this do this. There is always no, no, no, no, no. Every type of relationship
the people have with their children is negative and there are very few parents who
support their children achieve their aspirations in life, their goals in life. And each
moment, each step of the way we try to enforce our condition on the child. Forgetting
that they come with their own karmas and their own destinies. And therefore dont be a
parent to your child if you want a proper development of your child, rather be a friend

to him. If you can be a friend and not father, if you can be a friend and not mother, if
you can be a friend and not a judge, if you can be a friend and not the jury, if you can be
a friend and not the executioner, then you give the children the right opportunity and
environment in which they can grow as a balanced person with confidence, of your
support and help. And with confidence of the inspiration they receive from the family,
and therefore be a friend to your children and not a parent to your child.
The following question is often we find ourselves in very difficult situations, situations
where there is family conflict, situations where we are surrounded by individuals or
environment that have negative energies. Frequently we feel, often we feel, crossed
emotions within ourselves, emotions that are crossed ends. How can we handle this?
Are there any practices that can be useful in this respect?
Sw Niranaja: Rishi Vivekanda
Rishi Vivekananda: This is a whole question about conflict with the people around us.
Off course there is ways to get out of the situation, but with so many people around this
week, we do actually have karma and we have to resolve this karma. Which is often
experiences from a relationship that comes a long way back, and we do have to find
ways of resolving this situation. Certainly as we can develop ourselves we are
projecting less of ourselves on to other people. What I am getting at, is this, if we have a
lot of negative stuff down in our unconscious mind, we will be projecting a lot of that
onto the other person, and creating within the other person a situation that is more
difficult to deal. As we can resolve that, as we can eliminate that, and a lot of the work
of Yoga is eliminating these negative stuff down in our minds, then that clears our
relationship with the other person; and we are actually seeing the other person as they
are, rather than the way we project onto them. So once again off course in dealing with
people the less baggage we have within us the more able we are to deal with them. The
more positive we are with love and concern for other people the more we are able to see
the goodness within them, and to manage our relationship with them in a better level.
Sw Niranja: Let us try to get an Italian perspective of the question. Swami Anandananda
Swami Anandananda: To my understanding in such situations, it is very easy for an
individual to get caught in the negativity. It is like there is a majority and there is one
individual who is confronted with this, and it is very easy to get caught within the circle
of emotions, of negative emotions or negativity. And that is where, the awareness and
the, I will say also, a certain kind of intelligence, to deal with these situations where
eventually when the environment or the situation is cooled down a bit, then a relax
confrontation. Because is only matter of egos, because in only matter of confrontation.
Then, the process of awareness, or awareness of the positive aspects, of the positive
components which are within us, then it could be brought into the scenario. And with
that attitude which should be that each of us should have the opposite of that negativity,
whether it is jealousy, whether it is anger, we should be able to have the opposite of that
negativity. And with that in base, and with that in our personality been able to
understand, to create the possibility of a confrontation, with a dialogue, with a
discussion where the negativity, the outcome, or emotions or energies within each
different individual they can be pacify, or they can be understood, or they can be
accepted as part of personality. This is one, how I will think about this.

Swami Niranaja: I head the answers, now what was the question? The question is we
often find ourselves in the middle of difficult situations, family conflict, negative
environments we sometimes feel torn with opposing emotions within us. How can we
deal with these? And are there any practices that we can use?
Well, answers have been given to you, the only thing I need to add in this, is that yes,
there are different situations, and difficult situations in which we find ourselves from
time to time. And we react and respond on those situations, but if also gradually we are
able to develop a nature which is non reactive, then situation can improve a lot. How to
develop a non-reactive nature, so to avoid the clash of egos? There is a very simple
technique. When you go to sleep at night before you close your eyes, do a short practice
of five minutes. And what is that practice? See the events of the day as they have
occurred, in sequence. From the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. What has
happened, how you have interacted with people, what have you thought, how you have
behaved. And just see your entire day, as a movie, objectively. See what kind of
conflicts, of problems of confrontations you have had. And how you have responded in
those situations. And then if you find the same situation happen again, how will you
respond in a better way? How will you respond in a different way? So that you are able
to convey your view points, rather than clash against the view points, you are able to
congenially convey your view points. So the improvement has to be in you, not in the
external environment, or in another people. If you can develop the ability to take a step
back and look at the situation before taking other step forward you will be in a better
position to handle different and difficult situations. So begin with yourself, rather than
trying to change the outer change the inner. To which you have reacted and to which
you are still reacting. And the moment you are able to change that inner, the outer will
sort itself out. And this is the practice, every night; five minutes for one month just
observe the entire event of the day from the time you woke up to the time you go to
sleep. And within a month, you will notice a difference in your own approach of
managing things, dealing with things. In your own attitudes in your own perceptions
and thoughts. And where you are able to do that you know you are going in the right
direction.