MartineandI,baffleduntilourlittlegirl'sAbsentSeizurewillbediagnosed,andequally

perturbingthroughyearstocome,Iwasn'tletinbyaforewarningofthisnearfatalincident.Mind
flirtingphotosyntheticinsectsswarmcycloramicspiderwebs,distillingamorningdewdripping
theknittedextrasensoryperceptionssilkspuppeteeringthebrainwithmovingimages.Visionsby
signalstrengthwaningtodreams,bydegreesuchcommonroutine,theexceptionbeenthe
flagrantabsenceofwarningsigns.InmypastIsearchedunresolvedmysteriesthejottingblock
ofmymind,andamongstnotes,thiscriticalincidentappearednowhere.Eveninthemost
absurdwarpingshapes,thecosmicangelofdarkness,theshadowsofawaveringveiltruncate
mybabyoffmoralscolorsfromtherealityreachingmymind.Themysteryoffateinstilledtoomit
visualizingtheincident,furtherafieldmyperception,sessionswiththeapparenttransparent
RoseDelbruyere,readingenlighteningtarotcards,thanthesubtleusageofwords,symbolofa
crossroadsindicatingalifechangingcourse.

AsIrodealongfromthepassengerseatoftheambulance,sightingSundaynightslumberbutted
bricktownhousesbouncingoffthecoldblueflashdissolvingthecadenceinthecabin.The
lamppostsreflectivemoonshinefacadeswithafeedingnotionandmysteriousawakingartificial
photosyntheticlightthroughthedesertedstreet.Soontarnishedandshadowy,asthedashboard
brightenedtoneonlitdialsovershadowingthedriversilhouetteatthesteeringwheel.Heading
towardachangingperspective,waysidebreakingupbuttedhouses.Atcruisingspeedanaccordion
unfurledbellows,asthebrushingheadlightsbeamsraisefromapitchblackcavernthedualcarriage
lanes.Whilewaysideapproachedcontourindividualhouses,thedarkhollow,lie
likeauniversal
vacuumbringswisdom,
bythevacatedlampposts.
Insuchamomentsofrelapse
alongtheway
like
theblueflashglidedunhindereddissolvingacrossaflatcountryside,
guiltcomesrappingmy
conscious
.

Henceforthin
yearstocome
,
mindniggledconsciousoflynchedemotions,meanwhile
developingthe
discreetwavelengthconnectingoursouls.Alerted,luredbyaninstinctivecuriosity
toglanceovermyleftshouldermyfiguretwistingintheseat.Eyesadjustingtothebrightcapsule
punchedbycontrastingdeepspatialglaresgluedtoresistantglazing.Nearbythelargedrooping
shoulderstwistedasideoverhislaptowardmybabyadmirableinherbeautysleepy.Hisfigure
stooping,obliteratedfromviewofherinnocentfacewatchedsincebirthimprintedtomind.Her
criticalhandicapnotatsight,unacceptable,themindelucidatingbyappearingdeliriantwith
intravenousmouthandnosetubes,andwiredchest.The'surgeon'raisedconcernovermonitoring
herbreathingbyaroutineimpartialattitude.
Insensible,ofmyproper
reflection,
whichordealin
theaftermathawakesandcatchesmyabdominalstoreboundtheexperiencewithaseismic
systemshock.

Thenursecrouchedunderthelowroofatthefootofthegurney,crawledfrommonitoringthe
digitaldisplay.Onoctopusarmssharingwiththe'surgeon'foracloserwatchofthelittlepatient.
Afterwhichinretrivewiththem,Iuncoiledinmyseat.Gazingthroughthewindshield,inastrange
reigningsilence,anotionrevivingfromfardistantlightsaswestalkedthedoctorinamoment
abandoninghisresuscitationattempt,withapageturntoapitchblackuniverse,alone,rapping
doorsformedicalassistance.Inthewakeofthelivingordeals,interiorlightsshutinourfaceand
alongourhopes.Isaid,"[Dutch]thanks!Wordswhichfelltodeafears.AsIwatchedtheheadlight
beamsbrushingandwakingtheleadingtarmacoutofapitchblackpool.Inanightwhistlingfears,
Iadded,"[Dutch]Thanksagain,you'vebeenfantastic."
Iheardthestoneofmyvoicefallinginawell,hitthebottomwiththedriver'sbriefandpolite,
reply,"[Dutch]It'smyjob."
Asthedarknessabsorbsthesilentbluerepercussiveflash,cruisingtowardanupcomingrailway
crossing,shyofarousinganinterjectionanxiety.Acrosstheopenrightofwayjumpoftheroadinto
ourpath,Irelaxedtothesoftblueswipingtalltree,emergingtheirshadowsfromstraightrowsof
trunksborderingtheroad.Thealleywayendedwithemergentgableapexesandchimneyscutouta
subtlerisinglightpollution.Then,facedaspeedbreakerbringingthewaysideshadowylandscape
toavirtualstandstill.leftbehind,acceleratingalongadistantsuburb,inthewindowportrayingthe
driver'silhouetted,Icontenteddroppingathought,saying,"[Dutch]Thatisnotveryusefulfor
you?"
"[Dutch]No,"repliedthedriver,"Itslowsusdownalot."
Attentivetoasuddenactivitybehind,Ifollowthroughtheinterleadinggaptotherear
compartment.Seeingrestraintthe'surgeon'andnursefigureovermylittlegirl.Amongstmoving
hands,nimblefingersmassagethelengthofthetransparenttube,Icallout,"[Dutch]Whatisthe
matter?
"[Dutch]Apiecesoffoodisstuckinthetube.Thepumpcan'tabsorbdirt.Wehavetohelptheclot
ofvomitfurtheralongreturndownthetube,thenursereplied.
Thestoopingfiguresshowedsignsofreliefmovinginretrieveeyesinfixationonthetubeemerging
frommybaby'smouth.Seatedandpreeningtheirthoughts.Beforelong,the'surgeon'andnurse
werebacksqueezingthemuckystuffdown,whilefluidsaddedfacilitatingtodislodgetheclot.The
figurescrawledinretreat,thenontheassaultwithawilderdetermination,inacaptivatingagitation
pinchedfingersstrokethetube.Frowningaraisedconcernasapiecestuckfromallattemptsto
dislocate.Thenurseasalastresort,detachedthetubeandheldthefreeendovertheremainingtube
andwireruns,andthelongestmomentkeptformregaintheirplace.Whentheydidmyfigure
uncoiledintheseattofaceuptoheadlightbeamsbrushingroad.

Asneongreeneyeswatchedourapproach,bysight,Ibrokeawayfromthesetoftrafficlightsina
townoutskirtdecor.Shiftingtomysideinthedarkerlowercabin,followingamovingshadow.The
apparentdriver'shandtotheundersideofthedashboardwithaweirdholdofapointingfinger.The
mischievouslightstoggledtored,andoffleftavehicledshadowboundtocrossourpath,slows
downforagradualhalt.Whilerightinthehorizontalaxisanegligibleshadowalongthewayleft
metoimagineanabsentmindeddriverhurlinginourtrajectorywithoutmeetingatthecruxofthe
intersection.Shortoftheanxiouscrossing,theparamedicdriverpromptedaflickoftheswitch.
Fetchtheevanescentblueflashwhiningsirenawakingthesleepingflatlandscape.Acrossthe
intersection,theblueflashsomberedinsilence,thedriverremovedhishandtograbthesteering
wheel.Upfrontinaorientativeheadlightbeamsasheenmirrorsthesettleddewofacoursemeeting
anupcomingsuburbanmedleyofshylitstreets.Suddenlyavoicearosefromtheradio,announcing
"[Dutch]Thenighttemperaturesareboundtofallunderfreezingpoint."Weirdthatwiththe
cautionaryadvicetheroadsurfacemetamorphosedanenclave,thefrontiercrossedasurface
extendedinadustedbakingpowder,ofasaltspreaderpassageahead.Thechosenmomenttobreak
thesilencefromtherear,the'surgeon'inareassuredvoicesaying,"[Dutch]She'sdoingwell.It's
overnow."
Astheunconceivabletothemind,mybaby'slifehungbyahair,andseekingdistractions,
emblematic,fastflitsthereflectivesignspelling"Leopoldburg."Interacting,bysettingupa
topographictriangulationofourearlierAudiride,spearheadingintotowntoricochetatanacute
anglefromthecenteroutbound.Thechildrenquietabsentontherearseat,toanabruptseizureona
lastlegatdroppingoffSteffybyhermother.Theleadingtenebraeperspectivethroughafew
villagesannihilateditselfinmind,togetheralongtheseveringhighwaytowardTheNetherland.
TheblueflashdissolvedtoanlonelynascentwaysidecloakoflightswakingtheadvertisingFrench
Fries.Wepassedbytheclosedstall,whenfurtheralongjuttedanemergenttranslucentgasstation
fasciapointingtowardourpath.Wepassedbythedesertedvolumeofafluorescentglow,cruising
distinctiveinaclockwisegreatercircleraisinganinstinctivebackroadapproach.
Trackingtheambulancecoveredride,recollectingthelureofacandlelightwindowshinetowrap
atthedoorofthebohemianhouseforassistance.Mappinginmindthepreventivewildgoosechase,
asdestinyassumed,bytheyoungstershuttingthedoorinourface.Ishruggedofftheculprittoa
nearfatalincidentendingourbaby'slife.Intheabsurd,Iaskedthedriver,"[Dutch]Howfaristhe
waytothehospital?
Henceforth,Iflirtedthroughtheyearswiththereconstruction.Watchingovertheevolutivetrailthe
sequenceofeventsinamatterofafewminutes,andcaretoquestion,
Howlongwasn'tshe
breathingfor
?StartingfromthemomentofpullingupwaysidetheAudi,endingenrouteand
counterwisefromthehospital,mymind'sconstantpreoccupation,timingtheleadingparamedic
arrivinginthedoctor'sroomstomybabygirl'sexaminationtableside.Inthebackgroundtoapile
upactivityofpeople,theartificialfootpumprestitutingbreathingtomybaby'slungs.Inthe
aftermathspeakingforsomeambiance.Thenursesurpriseme,byanobsoletethought,byher
revealingwords,"Thedoctor'swifehadtherightreflectionputtingtheemergencycallthrough."
Ontheleftindistinctivesketchinginthetenebrousdistancesuburbanhouses,whichfacedacross
ourwayanequaldistantwoodedpark.Inpursuitoflawncoveredrunsoftrafficislands,twistingin
myseatandwatchthe'surgeon'sterneyedinaswiftmovestandsup.Heswaysaboutwhileinthe
crisisthenursemovesinandbendingoverformingacurtainwiththeirfigures,obliteratingmy
babyfromviewinawildarmsandlegsconvulsiveshake.Afterawhileappeased,without
revealingthemysteriousincident,retrievedtorelaxedintheircorner,Iuncoiledinmyseatfacing

thelightbeamsarousingtheleadingroadfromthetenebrea,equivokemedics'ongoing
attentiveness.
Offourrightoutlyingwoodsinamarchthroughdarkfieldscameliningupalongthewayside
headlightbrushingbeams.Brightandstrokingafarinpursuit,untiltheforeststopped.Clearingan
opendisappearinglandscape,accruingacrossabindintersectiontoarisingsilverhaze.Leadinga
highsecurityfence,lawnsbleedingthroughthereflectivewiremeshagirdlestoafarawaysingled
outfivestorycubicstructure.theblockendedtoarisingreflectiveroadpointer,andthebrusque
screenturningoffright.Wesloweddown,swerved,andedgingalongtowardmidwayupabright
medicaldirectory,inourapproachorientatedtheentryintothegrounds.
Engagedupthedrivewaytothedistantbuilding,theunattendedchevronpatternboomliftedto
standuprightalongsideaswepassedby.Twoinarow,beforeleavingrighttheheliport,bringing
intofocusacreamymetalgiganticindustrialboxprotrudingfromthebuildingfacade.Thedriver
ignoredthedrivewayedgingoffleftspreadingbroadaparkinglot,asweheadingfortheupfront
faceofthebox.Inprecisiontimingastheboomsbefore,ahorizontalfluorescentlightgashedfrom
underneath.Theslitwidenedtoanopeningsluicetothedistinctivefullwidthpanelsrollingup.
Divingintothehighandbroadblindinglighttovisionaworldenteringfromthetenebreatolandin
avirtualdockingspacestation.Pullingupataramprisingtowardslinedupplateglass.Extending
anunhinderedviewofthewidecorridor.Portrayingawhiteslendersentinel,asawellrounded
figuresinamatchinguniformstormedfortheexit.
Togetherwiththedriver,Isetfootdown,losingsightofhisenergeticbackwithaslamofthecabin
closingdoor.Ataslowpace,Isteppedalongtheambulancetowardtherear.Againsttheevanescent
industrialloweringgateshuttingthelightintrusivenightout,thehospital'matron'flitacross.Atthe
tailgateinbriskswingstheobesefiguresandtheparamedicdriverbringthedoubleleafambulance
doorstoobscuremyviewtotheinterior.Hesitant,inanoutofthewaystance,tomysurprisewhen
offrightinthegateway,awindowglazedwaxedMartinefaceinfromthetenebrea.Interruptingmy
viewthegurneystretcherdroppedwheels,movingonfortheemergencyentrance.Intheglitchof
time,projectedashortdistancefromthebackgroundoutlinedpedestriandoor,Martine'sbeamed
figurebathesinfluorescentlights,fromwhichsheawakesandstepsup.
Martineeyesmovedtowardsherbabydaughterlyingunconscious.Shecatchesuptoleanover
thoughtlesshangingontothemovingstretcher.Thenurseshovedheroff,whichdidn'tsufficefor
Martinetoletgo.Inabarkingtoneofvoice,thenursesaid,"Dutch]Wehavetoperforman
examination!"Martinerosetoadetachingstretcher.Sheisleftwatchingbaffledherdestitute
expressiononherdaughterjoinedbythemanfromtheleftwingoftheslidingpairofplateglass
doorsandtakenalong.Acceleratingwhitedynamicsghostlyfigureswheelingthegurneyacrossthe
gleamingwhitefloorthroughaperspectiveshapencorridoratagivenablindingdistanceswerves
inadisappearingactbehindtheblindcorner.
Wearrivedatthetrickleofourstepsinthedesertedemergencyhall,tojoltMartinewitha
questioningexpression.Astherewasn'tatracetotrackourdaughterdown.Searchingonourlefta
fewdeepemptysampleofalcoves.Furtherontoawallofdeepfolddrapes.Inrowsofcurtains
drawnacrossthatleftmecount
Eeny,meeny,miny,moe
,tothealcovewhichabsorbedawhole
changingteaminwhiteuniforms
,
whichvanishedmomentsearlierbeforeoureyeswithour
daughter.
Atamoment,aman'sblackshoeheelsappearedbeneaththeseamofdancingpleats.Nextbreaking
outedgingtheagitatedlinenfoldsoffsideflitsaghostlydissociatedblondnurseamongstthe
ephemericspellofstrangersearlierinthedoctor'srooms,tothishospitalnotbeforeclearingthe
alcoveexposinginthedepththe'matron'attheheadbyourbaby'sgentleface.Suddenlyaghostly

nursesaidinapassinghurry,"[Dutch]Wehavetoperformathoroughexaminationofthechild."In
herongoingnotion,writhingoff,sheretractedonsecondthought,adding,"Willyouhaveaseatin
thewaitingroomtilltheexaminationisover?"
OnthespotrollsinagentlenewfacetohaltaddressingMartineandI.Atstance,thediligent
traineenursereturns.Leftusinconfusionwatchingherlightbrownponytailcoif.Weturnedtothe
whiffofanephemericexit.Headingofftofetchnoapparentpointersthroughtheextending
corridor.Inplightfordirectionechoingoffheavenlywallstheguide'swordsdowntheslightramp
stretch.Martine'sbreakawaynotion,eyesightattachedtotheblindinneralcove,cravingtolaysight
onherbaby.Progressive,shebouncesonarubberband,lingeringonbehindme,repeatedlyasking,
"Doyouknowwhereitis?"
"No!I'mnotyetthere,"Iceasedtorepeat,asIchasedbysightthroughhazyglasspartitionsa
labyrinthineofapparentcubicles.Churningtomind,thealltoooftenlocalandfamiliar,
unconsideredtowardforeignerscaughtinchangingenvironmentalperceptions.Byahandpressure,
upfrontIreachedatangiblewaterwalltoanotherworld.Astheplateglassdoorleafceeded,witha
swirlofsightaround.Halfwaydownthecorridor,tothecallsoftheponytailcoiffednurserushing
andbringingamessage,Martinestoppedinhertracks.
Inanapparentreprimandbytheseniornurseoveraninnocenttraineenurse'searlierexplanation,
thePonytailgirllendagesture.Inacrossoverbasicchachachastep,dancedspeakingtoMartine
hesitantdownthecorridorapproachingthroughtheglazedwall.Acrossthethreshold,theglazed
cubicleclearedaroom,andvoluntaryMartineandI,steppedin.Theponytailnurserepeated,
"[Dutch]Youmaywaithere.We'llcomeandcallyouwhenyoucanseeyourchild."
Install,wherethetraineenurseroundusup,tovanishedfromsight.Tworowsofbrightstaring
orangeparallelchainlinkedchairs,graciouslyofferedtheiremptyseat.Shortlydigging,andwiggly
changingposition,torelievetheproddingmeshliningfrommypelvicbones.Standingupanddried
upeyeballs,seekingdistractivematter,itemergedtableandmagazineless,tomoveonandexit
fromtherestrictivecrystalroom.Timeonstandstill,MartineandIatourproperpacesteppedinthe
nurse'svision.Roamingandmappingaroundthecornerdiscoveringnothingmorethanfacingan
apparentmaindaylightentrance,whichplacedthetraineenurse'searlierwildexplanation.
Returningtimeandagain,onthelookoutthroughthewaterwall,andbackthoughtlesscontentedto
gazeatthesnoozeprooflinedupchairs,tirednesshadcreptinataslowwalkingpaceforforamere
sit.