CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS

It is an undisputable fact that unity or oneness is very important in relationships especially romantic
relationships. But conflict (disagreements) is natural and inevitable in marital relationships.
One major reason why courtships and marriages run into trouble is because of our inability to manage
conflict which could results from sex, money, jealousy or infidelity issues. Conflict, by itself, is not
bad but the way it is handled will determine whether or not the relationship will be successful.
When properly managed, conflict will help you to understand each other better. It teaches you about
the likes and the dislikes of the person you are in a relationship with and when properly managed, it
will draw you closer to each other. When handled poorly, it can be destroy your relationship. The
greatest attack we will ever face in our relationships in marriage is in the area of unity; because where
there is no unity, there is no power. This is why conflict management is crucial.
APPROACHES TO CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
1.
AVOIDANCE: This approach wants peace at all costs. Either one or both parties are deep in
denial and so they refuse to address their disagreements. But continued avoidance results in the
persons involved piling up anger and resentments in their hearts and they might eventually explode in
anger or withdraw from each other.
2.
SELF-DEFENSE: One or both parties see every conflict as an attack and automatically put up
a defensive posture when disagreements occur. The person is not interested in what the other person
has to say because he/she is only interested in being heard and justifying or defending him/herself. To
the person who uses this approach, there must be a winner and a loser and he/she is determined to be
the winner.
3.
YOU DONT COUNT APPROACH: This is a judgmental approach in which one person
talks down at the other and puts down his/her feelings and character. This approach shows disregard,
disrespect and insensitivity to the other person.
4.
ALL OUT WAR APPROACH: This approach involves verbal and sometimes, physical
abuse. It is the most damaging of the four deadly approaches because every time an abuse occurs, it
worsens the conflict and whatever is said or done can never be withdrawn. Even if you are forgiven,
your words and actions might still be recorded in the other persons memory.
GOOD CONFLICT MANAGEMENT TIPS
Effective communication has been discovered to be the most reliable resolution to any (marital)
relationship conflicts. The art of effective communication is mastered when you know when, how and
what to say whenever conflicts ensued. Both parties should be able to voice their opinions but it must
be done with respect, regard and sensitivity to your spouses feelings. Pick your words carefully
because words are very powerful and once spoken, can rarely be taken back. Insults, destructive
criticism and any form of verbal attacks should be avoided at all costs; they only serve to weaken the
relationship. Every act of aggression and unhealthy response to disagreements will chip away at the
foundation of the relationship and eventually destroy it.
Never insist on being right. Be willing to apologize and step down from the argument even if you
believe that the other person is in the wrong. Insisting on your way is an indication of pride and God
resists the proud. Therefore, you need to be humble enough to accept when you are right or wrong.
Also, learn the art of listening. Sometimes, conflict arises because one person did not really listen
patiently and attentively to what the other person was saying and thus misunderstood what was being
said. Or perhaps, he or she has a premonition or pre-conceived ideas that will not let go.
Communication is very important and it involves both parties speaking and listening that is, one
speaks while the other listens and vice versa. So develop your communication skills. Ask questions
when in need of clarification or in cases of doubts. Remember that, in true love, trust is given and not

earned. It is okay for you to get angry but you must deal with the issue at hand before going to bed
(Ephesians 4:26). Do not hold on to offences or grudges because the longer you do, the harder it
becomes to let go and forgive. When you do not forgive, you give the devil an opportunity to carry out
his schemes in your courtship, marriage, family and any other relationships in your life.