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Act 1 Part 1

(Curtain opens; Harry is sitting on a trunk at center stage)


HARRY: Underneath these stairs
I hear the sneers and feel the glares of
My cousin, my uncle, and my aunt.
Cant believe how cruel they are
And it stings my lightning scar
To know theyll never ever give me what I want.
I dont deserve these
Stupid rules made by the Dursleys
Here on Privet Drive.
Cant take all of these muggles,
But despite all of my struggles,
Im, still alive.
Im sick of summer and this waiting around.
Man, its September, and Im skipping this town.
Hey its no mystery, theres nothing here for me now
I gotta get back to Hogwarts,
I gotta get back to school
I gotta get myself to Hogwarts,
Where everybody knows Im cool.
Back to witches and wizards, and magical beasts,
To goblins and ghost and to magical feasts.
Its all that I love and its all that I need.
HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, I think Im going back
Ill see my friends, gonna laugh til we cry
Take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky
NO WAY this year anyones gonna die, and its gonna be totally awesome
Ill cast some spells, with a flick of my wand
Defeat the dark arts, yeah bring it on!
And do it all with my best friend Ron, cuz its gonna be totally awesome
(RON enters)
RON: Yeah, it is gonna be totally awesome!
RON: Did somebody say Ron Weasley? (Greets Harry) Sorry it took me so long to get here. I had to get
some floo powder. Come on we gotta get going, get you trunk lets go!
HARRY: Where are we going?
RON: To Diagon Alley of course!
HARRY: Cool!

RON: Come on!


RON and HARRY: Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder power! Floo powder power!
RON: Its been so long, but were going back
Dont go for work, dont go there for class
HARRY: As long as were together
RON: --Gonna kick some ass
HARRY and RON: and its gonna be totally awesome!
This year well take everybody by storm,
Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm
(Hermione splits Ron and Harry)
HERMIONE: but lets not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLS!
RON: Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzzkill!?
HERMIONE: Because guys, its not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good
witches and wizards!
HERMIONE: I may be frumpy, but Im super smart
Check out my grades, theyre As for a start
What I lack in looks, well I make up in heart,
And well guys, yeah, thats totally awesome!
This year I plan to study a lot
RON: That would be cool if you were actually hot!
HARRY: Hey, Ron, come on, were the only friends that shes got!
RON: And thats cool
HERMIONE: and thats totally awesome
HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: Yeah its cool and its totally awesome!
Were sick of summer and this waiting around
Its like were sitting in the lost and found
Dont take no sorcery
For anyone to see how
We gotta get back to Hogwarts
We gotta get back to school
We gotta get back to Hogwarts
Where everything is magic-coooooool
EVERYONE: Back to witches and wizards, and magical beasts

To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts


Its all that I love, and its all that I need at
HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!
HARRY, RON, HERMIONE: --I think were going back

Act 1 Part 2
(Ginny enters)
GINNY: Ron! You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkins and use those sickles Mom gave you for
my robe fitting.
HARRY: Whos this?
RON: This is my stupid little dumb sister, Ginny. Shes a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry Potter.
(Ginny and Harry shake hands)
GINNY: Youre Harry Potter. Youre the boy who lived!
HARRY: Yeah, and youre Ginny.
GINNY: Its Ginevra.
RON: Cool, Ginnys fine.
RON: Stupid sister! (Claps in ear) Dont crowd the famous friend!
(Oriental music begins playing)
HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something?
HARRY: Music, what are you talking about?
RON: Yeah someones coming. Whoa!
(Cho Chang posse enters in a line. Lavender Brown in front, Cho Chang in back. Harry, Ron, Hermione,
and Ginny turn to them)
POSSE: Cho Chang
Domo arigato, Cho Chang
Gung Hey fat Choy Chang
Happy Happy New Year, Cho Chang
GINNY: Whos that?
HARRY: That Cho Chang.
RON: Thats the girl Harrys totally been in love with since freshmen year.
HERMIONE: Yeah but he wont say anything to her.

RON: You never tell a girl you like her. It makes you look like an idiot.
(Ginny walks to Lavender Brown and taps her on the shoulder)
GINNY: Konnichiwa Cho Chang. It is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.
LAVENDER: Girl, I aint Cho Chang!
(Ginny runs back to Ron, Harry and Hermione)
RON: Thats Lavender Brown! (Claps) Racist sister!
CHO: Its alright. (To audience) Im Cho Chang yall.
HARRY: Shes totally perfect!
RON: Yeah, too bad shes dating Cedric Diggory huh?
HARRY: What? Who the heck is Cedric Diggory?
(Cedric bursts onto stage, pushes Harry and Ron aside)
CEDRIC: Oh, Cho Chang
I am so in love with Cho Chang
From Bangkok to Ding Dang
I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang
(Chos posse and Cedric exit right)
HARRY: I hate that guy!
RON: Are were going to get those robes or not?!
GINNY: Okay, lets go!
(All exit left as Neville enters. Crabbe and Coyle enter right)
GOYLE: (To Neville) Present your arm nerd! (Neville shows Crabbe his forearm. Crabbe points wad at
arm) Indian Burn Hex! (Neville falls to his knees, yelling in pain)
(Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny enter left. Ginny runs to Neville and takes his away)
HARRY: Het, why dont you leave Neville Longbottom alone?
GOYLE: Well, well, well. If it isnt Harry Potter. You think all because youre famous, you can boss
everyone around?!
HARRY: No. I just dont think its cool for guys your size to be picking on guys like Neville.
GOYLE: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! (Crabbe takes Harrys glasses and
pretends to break them). We hate nerds!

CRABBE: and girls!


RON: You asked for it! You dont mess with Harry Potter. He beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby!
HERMIONE: All right, everyone just calm down. (Walks over to Harry) Occulus reparo!
HARRY: (Puts glasses back on) Whoa cool!
HERMIONE: Now lets leave these big baby, childish jerks alone!
(Draco enters right and crosses to center)
MALFOY: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?
HARRY: What do you want Draco?
MALFOY: Crabbe. Goyle. Be a pair of dolls and go pay for my robes will you. So Potter, (circles group)
back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Maybe this year youll wise up and hang out with a higher
caliber of wizard. (turns sharply to group)
HARRY: Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. (Ginny tries to join, Ron shoves her
away) And I wouldnt trade them for anything.
MALFOY: Have it you way (sees Ginny) WAIT! Dont tell me Red hair, hand me down clothes, and
a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley!
RON: Lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, but shes my pain in the ass.
MALFOY: Well isnt this cute, its like a little loser family! (Harrys group exits) Hogwarts has really
gone to the dogs. (To audience) Luckily next year Ill be transferred to Pigfarts!
MALFOY: This year you bet Im gonna get outta here
The reign of Malfoy is drawing near
Ill have to greatest wizard career, (Crabbe and Goyle enter, join Malfoy)
And its gonna be totally awesome!
Look out world for the dawn of the day
When everyone will do, WHATEVER I SAY
And Potter wont be in my way, and then
Ill be the one who is totally awesome!
GOYLE: YEAH YOULL BE THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME!
(All enter)
HERMIONE: Come on guys! Were gonna miss the train!
ALL: Who knows how fast this years gonna go?
Hand me a glass let the butter beer flow
(All start moving hands as to imitate train wheels)

HARRY: Maybe at last, Ill talk to Cho,


RON: Oh no, thatd be WAY too awesome
ALL: Were back to learn everything that we can
Its great to come back to where we began
And here we are, and alakazam! Here we go, this is totally awesome!
Come on and teach us everything that you know
This summers over and were itchin to go
NEVILLE: I think were ready for
Albus Dumbledore!
ALL: Ahhhhhhh.
ALBUS: Welcome, all of you to Hogwarts
I welcome all of you to school
Did you known that here at Hogwarts
Weve got a hidden swimming pool?
Welcome, Welcome, Welcome Hogwarts
Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools
How that Ive got you here at Hogwarts
Id like to go over just a couple of rules
ALBUS: My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can call me
Dumbledore. I suppose you could also call me Albus if you wanted a detention. Im just kidding! Ill
expel you if you call me Albus.
ALL: Back to witches and wizards, and magical beasts
To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts
Its all that I love, and its all that I need at
HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!
Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends
To Gryffindors!
Hufflepuffs!
Ravenclaws!
Slytherins!
Back to the place where our story begins
Its Hogwarts, Hogwarts,
ALBUS: Im sorry whats its name?
ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts,
ALBUS: I didnt hear you kids!
ALL: Hogwarts, Hogwarts
HARRY: Man, Im glad Im back.

(Freeze and blackout)

Act 1 Part 3
(Lights come up to two rows of benches opening to audience. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are in the
first row on right. Draco, Grabbe, and Goyle are across from them. Albus is standing in the center.)
ALBUS: Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts, and a very special welcome to my favorite
student, Harry Potter. (Ron cheers obnoxiously). He kill Voldemort when he was just a baby. Hes even
got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it. Another very special welcome to our newest
member to Gryffindor, Ms. Ginny Weasley!
GINNY: Arent we supposed to be sorted by the sorting hat?
ALBUS: Well, a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of
enchanted, magical clothing. So, he and the scarf of sexual preference arent going to be back until next
year. Basically Ive just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy in Gryffindor, anyone who looks
like a bad guy in Slytherin, and the rest can go wherever the hell they want. I dont really care.
CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.
ALBUS: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?... Anyway its time now for me to introduce my very good friend,
our very own potions master, Mr. Severus Snape.
RON: Ah man, Professor Snape. I though they fired that guy.
GINNY: Why? Whats wrong with professor Snape?
RON: Uh, nothing. Hes just, uh, EVIL!
(Snape comes out from behind a pillar and creeps up to center stage, looking around with wide eyes)
HARRY: Come on Ron, hes really not that bad.
SNAPE: Harry Potter, Detention! For talking out of turn. Now, before we being, I will give you all you
very, very first pop quiz. Can anyone tell me what a port-key is? (Hermione raises her hand). Yes Ms.
Granger.
HERMIONE: (Fast) A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones
who touch it to anywhere in the globe decided by the one who created the enchantment.
SNAPE: Very good! Now can anyone tell me foreshadowing is? (Hermione raises her hand again). Yes,
Ms. Granger.
HERMIONE: (fast) Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point in mentioned
early on in the story in order to return later in a more significant way.
SNAPE: Perfect!
RON: Whats a port-key again? I missed that one.

HERMIONE: Oh! A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one anyone in
the globe.
SNAPE: And remember, a port-key can any seemingly harmless object, like a football, or a dolphin.
LAVENDER: Professor, Can like a person be a port key?
SNAPE: No! Thats absurd. Because then if a person were to touch themselves (turns to Ron and glares at
him), they would constantly be transported to different places. A person can, however, be a horcrux.
HARRY: Whats a horcrux?
SNAPE: Im not even going to tell you Harry, youll find out soon enough.
HERMIONE: Professor what is the point of this quiz?
SNAPE: Oh, no, no, no. No point in particular. Just important information that EVERYONE should
know. (Point to someone in audience) Especially you. Now, moving right along. There are four houses in
all. Gryffindor (Gryffindors cheer), Ravenclaw (Ravenclaws cheer), Hufflepuff
CEDRIC: --Find!
SNAPE: What?... And Slytherin (Slytherins makes hissing noises). No traditionally points are given for
good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor,
GRYFFINDORS: What?
SNAPE: For Ms. Grangers excessive baby fat.
HARRY and RON: Thanks Hermione.
SNAPE: Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the house cup.
However, this year were doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new Professor of the
Dark Arts, Professor Quirrell.
(Quirrell enters and moves center stage; Harry holds his forehead in pain)
QUIRRELL: The house cup. A time honored tradition. For centuriesDRACO: Go home terrorist!
QUIRRELL: For centuries the 4 houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding
the title of house champion. But where does this competitions come from, and what are the roots of the
tradition?
HERMIONE: The house cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.
QUIRRELL: (Aggravated) That was a rhetorical question.
ALBUS: Granger, quit interrupting. 20 points from Gryffindor.

QUIRRELL: As I was saying, when the tournament first began it was one of a completely different sort.
One champion from each of the 4 houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks. The winner would
not only win the cup, but also win eternal glory.
HERMIONE: Kind of like a tri-wizard tournament!
QUIRRELL: Yes, sort of like the tri-wizard tournament, except no not like that at all. There are four
houses, how can it be a TRI-wizard tournament with four teams?
HERMIONE: But professor, if I remember correctly, the house cup tournament was disbanded after one
semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.
QUIRRELL: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.
HERMIONE: I dont think you heard me. I just said somebody died.
ALBUS: Hermione shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, 20 more point. You know,
for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes!... (pleased) 10 points to
Dumbledore!
QUIRRELL: Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for
ages to come. And as the Professor for the Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that thispractical
application is exactly what the curriculum needs to(Voldemort sneezes).
ALBUS: Did your turban just sneeze?
QUIRRELL: What? No.
ALBUS: I couldve sworn I heard a sneeze from your direction but your mouth wasnt moving.
QUIRRELL: No. That was simply a fart, excuse me. (Quirrell begins to exit in front of Harry. Voldemort
sneezes more times. Harrys scar stings) I must be going. (sneeze) I simply farted once more. (Quirrell
exits right.
ALBUS: In accordance with the newly resurrected house cup a champion will be selected to compete.
Now Snape, will you do us the honors please?
SNAPE: Yes headmaster. (Snape moves to center stage with a large cup). First, from the Ravenclaw house
(Snape draws a card). Miss Cho Chang.
CHO: (Stands up in shock) Oh my God I won! Can you believe that yall?
SNAPE: Next from Hufflepuff (draws a card). Mr. Cedric Diggory.
CEDRIC: Well, I dont FIND this surprising at all.
CHO: I find it perfect that I get to spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.
CEDRIC: Im glad as well my darling (Kisses Cho on head)
SNAPE: Next, from the Slythereeen house. (draws card) Draco Malfoy.

MALFOY: (stand ups) Huh! Oh! (scuttles towards Harry) I finally beat you didnt I Potter? What do you
think of that, huh? (lays across Hermione, Harry, and Ron). Im the champion this time! (falls on floor
and moves back to bench stage right).
ALBUS: Draco, would you sit down you little shit! Champions just a title.
SNAPE: And finally from the Gryffindor house. (Draws card). Oh my, well isnt this curious. The one
person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where
he may very well lose his life.
NEVILLE: (Stands up). If its me ill just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing.
SNAPE: Sit down, you inarticulate bubble! Its Harry Potter!
(Ron cheers obnoxiously loud)
ALBUS: Well there they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. And I want all of you to start preparing
immediately because the first task is in 2 months and it could be anything. So lets get to it!
(All exit. Most people cheer Cho Chang. Malfoy cheers for himself. Blackout)

Act 1 Part 4
(Lights come up to the same set. Harry, Ron and Hermione enter from right).
RON: Harry, youve got this thing in the bag.
HARRY: I dont know man, that Cedric Diggory is pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks, were totally gonna
win, its in the bad!
HERMIONE: I dont know Harry
RON: OH MY GOSH Hermione shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybodys parade?
HERMIONE: Because Ron, this is dangerous.
HARRY: Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione how dangerous could it be? Especially for me?
HERMIONE: Youre not invincible Harry. Someone died in that tournament.
HARRY: Uh, Im the boy that LIVED, not DIED, come on. Whats the worst that could happen?
HERMIONE: And I dont known about that Quirrell character. First he resurrects some horrible ancient
tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts hurting, and you have to admit there is
something funky about the back of his head.
HARRY: Think about it. Professor Quirrell is a professor. And who hires professors?
HARRY and RON: Dumbledore.

HARRY: Whos the smartest, most awesomest, practical wizard


RON: Beautiful.
HARRY: beautiful wizard in the whole world? Why would he possibly hire somebody whos trying to
hurt me?
HERMIONE: Well, what about Snape?
HARRY: What about him?
HERMIONE: Hes hated you for years. And he as hated your parents too Harry, everybody knows that.
And he just so happens to pick you name out of the house cup out of hundreds, if not 5 possible
Gryffindors.
HARRY: Yeah, what a coincidence, I lucked out!
HERMIONE: No, Harry I dont think this is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot
of enemies, ones you might not even know about.
HARRY: Let me get this straight. So youre saying this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me.
HERMIONE: I mean, I dont know! Maybe! Anyway, I just think its dangerous and I dont think you
should do it.
HARRY: Alright Hermione. If it means that much to you, ill drop out.
HERMIONE: Thank you Harry. (Harry and Hermione hug)
RON: Wait, WHAT?! The House cup? Come on, think of all the eternal glory youd win!
HARRY: Hey, eternal glory? I already have that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion.
(Albus enters)
HERMIONE: Look theres Dumbledore. Now, you just go talk to him and tell him that youre dropping
out.
HARRY: (to Hermione) Hey listen, Dumbledore and I are really cool. Were really tight and I dont want
him to think that Im being lazy, so could you just tell him? Tell him I wanna focus on school or
something. You got this one. Youre the best. (Touches Hermiones noes)
HERMIONE: Okay. (Cross to Albus). Dumbledore?
ALBUS: Yes Granger?
HERMIONE: I need to talk to you about the House cup tournament. First of all, I think its an awful idea,
but second of all, I dont think Harry Potter should compete.

ALBUS: Granger, why do you always have to be such a stick in the mud? Tell me, why should Harry
Potter not compete?
HERMIONE: Uh, because he wants to study?
ALBUS: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you. Why couldnt Harry have told me this
himself? He thinks Im cool, were tight.
HERMIONE: ProfessorIm a really bad liar. Okay, I think its a ruse, a setup, and I even think that
Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.
ALBUS: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met! Severus
Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just as much as he is trying to kill me!
(Snape enters)
SNAPE: Oh, why Professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this
delicious sandwich. (Snape reveals a sandwich with a pipe bomb in the middle).
ALBUS: Why thank you Severus. See Granger, how thoughtful!
SNAPE: Here you are Professor. Bomb-appetite I mean bon-appetite. (gives sandwich to Albus and
sets bomb. Sandwich begins to tick faster and faster)
HERMIONE: Is that sandwich ticking?
ALBUS: It looks like its licking, finger-licking good!
HERMIONE: Professor, I dont think you should eat that sandwich.
ALBUS: Why Granger, you should listen to Snape more often. You may even get a sandwich out of him.
(Hermione takes sandwich and throws it offstage and out of site. An explosion effect goes off.)
ALBUS: You dog gone exploded my sandwich!
HERMIONE: Im sorry sir!
ALBUS: Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete. You see that cup?
Its enchanted. Whoevers name comes out of the cup must compete or the results would be bad.
HERMIONE: What do you mean bad?
ALBUS: Try and imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body
exploding at the speed of light.
HERMIONE: Total protonic reversal.
ALBUS: Yeah, so you see he has to compete. It if makes you feel any better, the last guy that died in the
tournament was a Hufflepuff. Ill keep my eyes open and nothing is gonna get past old Dumbledore. Now,

Ive gotta go make a new sandwich. I dont know how it will be as good as the last one, the last one
ticked! (Exit)
HERMIONE: Because it was a bomb! (crosses) Harry, Im so sorry but I think youre going to have to
compete in the house cup tournament. But dont worry, I wont rest until I find out what the first task is.
RON: Ill sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.
(Draco, Crabbe, Goyle enter. Goyle is carrying Draco as Draco stares at Harry)
MALFOY: Well, isnt this touching?
RON: Oh my gosh just get out Malfoy!
(Goyle drops Malfoy and he starts rolling on the floor towards Harry, Ron and Hermione)
MALFOY: Goyle and I have a bet you know? He says you wont last 5 minutes in this tournament. I
disagree. I say you wont last five minutes at Pigfarts!
HARRY: Alright Malfoy what is Pigfarts?
MALFOY: Oh! Never heard of it? Huh, figures! Famous Potter doesnt even know about Pigfarts.
HARRY: Malfoy, dont act like you dont want to talk about it, thats like the ninth time youve
mentioned Pigfarts. What is Pigfarts?
MALFOY: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy. Its where Im being transferred
next year.
HERMIONE: Malfoy, Ive never even heard of that.
MALFOY: (Stands up) Thats because Pigfarts (turns to audience) is on Mars.
HARRY: You know Malfoy, were trying to have a conversation here. So if you could just leave us alone,
thatd be great.
MALFOY: Oh! No, Im not even here.
(Harry, Ron and Hermione begin to murmur then mention Dumbledore)
MALFOY: Dumbledore!? What an old coot! Hes nothing like Rumbleroar!
GOYLE: RUMBLEROAR!
MALFOY: Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts. Hes a lion who can talk.
HARRY: Malfoy, if you dont mind, were trying to have a conversation here, why are you even here?
Youre not even eating. Get outta here.
MALFOY: Well I cant help it if we can hear everything you say. Were the only ones in here.

HARRY: Just get outta here, please.


MALFOY: Where are we supposed to go?
HARRY: Uh, I dont know Pigfarts!
MALFOY: Ha-ha! Now youre just being cute. (begins circling group) I cant go to Pigfarts, its on
MARS. Your need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship, Potter?
(Malfoy breaks between Ron and Harry and starts to roll on them)
MALFOY: You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.
Look at this! Look at this! Look at rocket ship-Potter, Star kid-Potter, moon shoes-Potter, traversing the
galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts
HARRY: Thats it. This is the most misguided way to try to make me feel jealous. Sure, you can make fun
of me, but when you bring my parents into this its a whole other story. (Harry draws his wand and
advances toward Malfoy)
MALFOY: (scampers behind Crabbe and Goyle) Whoa! Not so fast Potter. Crabbe! Goyle!
GOYLE: Back off nerd!
HARRY: Whoa! Whoa! Im scared!
MALFOY: (hanging under bench stage left) Not so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang
out with someone better than that lolly-gagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend.
HERMIONE: Oh that is IT Malfoy. (To Crabbe and Goyle) Jelly-legs jinx!
GOYLE: Hey! No fair. My legs are jelly!
(Crabbe and Goyle fall on backs with feet shaking in the air. Hermione grabs Malfoys tie and point her
wand at his nose)
HERMIONE: Take it back Malfoy!
MALFOY: Take what back?
HERMIONE: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!
RON: Yeah, and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend. Thats not even a little bit true.
HERMIONE: And say youre sorry for calling me a you-know-what.
MALFOY: Im sorry!
HERMIONE: And you promise youll never do it again?
MALFOY: I promise!

HERMIONE: (let go of Malfoys tie as he falls on the floor) Alright! Now next time we tell you to leave
us alone you better do it! Come on Harry, Ron, lets get outta here. (To Crabbe and Goyle) Un-jellify!
RON: That was the most awesome thing Ive ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it. It was like an
outbreak of pent-up aggression like AHH, HERMIONE
(Ron, Harry, and Hermione exit. Crabbe and Goyle get up)
GOYLE: Wow. That sucked royal hippogriff. We got beat by a girl whos a nerd.
MALFOY: I didnt mean what I said, you know. Pigfarts is real. Am I Am I bleeding? Goyle (Goyle
goes to Malfoy and sniffs his nose)
GOYLE: NO!
MALFOY: I thought maybe maybe it was a little Wow. Ive never been pushed down like that by a
girl. Maybe I shouldnt call her a mudbl- whatever. (Gets up and dusts himself off)
GOYLE: I cant believe I couldnt figure out the counter-curse was just un-jellify!
MALFOY: Right, Im not surprised. Come on lets go watch wizards of Waverly Place!
(They exit. Blackout)

Act 1 Part 5
(Lights open to Quirrells chamber. Quirrell enters)
QUIRRELL: Fools! Theyre all fools. They think theyre safe. They think theyre back to another fun
year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger thats lurking right under their
noses. Or should I say on the back of their heads!
(Quirrell turns his back to the audience so that Voldemort is facing the audience. Quirrell removes the
turban to reveal Voldemort for the 1st time. Voldemort screams then being coughing.)
VOLDEMORT: I cant breathe in that turban!
QUIRRELL: Im sorry sir, but its a necessary precaution. If they know that you lived when Harry Potter
destroyed you, you soul lived on
VOLDEMORT: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the forbidden forest, eating
bugs, and mushrooms, and ugh, unicorn blood.
QUIRRELL: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.
VOLDEMORT: Yes, nobody must know of any of that. Now Quirrell, get me some water!
(Quirrell grabs a nearby water bottle)
VOLDEMORT: Now Quirrell, pour it in my mouth.

(Quirrell does so with difficulty.)


QUIRRELL: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.
VOLDEMORT: Yes, yes, yes. Im done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight
in the Great Hall.
QUIRRELL: Im sorry my lord, you sneezed.
VOLDEMORT: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine!
(Quirrell gets Voldemort nasal spray then uses it himself)
VOLDEMORT: Wash that turban! It tickles my nose.
QUIRRELL: Yes, my dark king.
VOLDEMORT: Okay just relax with the dark king okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call
me Voldemort. Were there. Weve reached that point.
QUIRRELL: Yes, my my Voldemort.
VOLDEMORT: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter.
Tonight, in the Great Hall, he was so close. I could have touched him. Revenge is at my fingertips
Quirrell. (Quirrell rinses with mouthwash) I can taste it. It tastes like cool-mint.
QUIRRELL: Thats our Listerine, Voldemort.
VOLDEMORT: Yes, excellent. Well goodnight Quirrell.
(Voldemort is facing the bed. The two lean over the bed, Voldemort is laying with his head in the pillow,
Quirrell is on top of him. )
VOLDEMORT: Okay! Okay! I cant do this. We gotta roll over. I cant sleep on my tummy.
QUIRRELL: But I always sleep on my back. I have back troubles. Its the only way Im comfortable.
VOLDEMORT: Youll roll over or Ill Ill eat your pillow! You will be having a dream you are eating a
marshmallow, but you will wake up your favorite goose-feather pillow will be missing.
QUIRRELL: Fine, well compromise. We will sleep on our side.
VOLDEMORT: Okay, I guess I can do this.
QUIRRELL: Well goodnight.
VOLDEMORT: Good night Quirrell. (long pause). Hey Quirrell how long have those robes been on
that chair?
QUIRRELL: I think theyre from last night. I just put them there for now.

VOLDEMORT: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? Whats your plan?
QUIRRELL: I figured Id just leave them there for now and Id maybe put them away in the morning or
something. Okay?
VOLDEMORT: (aghast) No! No!.. No, thats not okay. I cant go to sleep knowing that there are dirty
clothes on that chair. The chair is going to start smelling like dirty clothes.
QUIRRELL: Look, I promise Ill put them away in the morning.
VOLDEMORT: You put them away RIGHT NOW! I COMMAND YOU TO GET UP AND FOLD
THEM AT LEAST MAKE IT INTO A NEAT PILE!!!
(The two sit up in bed)
QUIRRELL: Look, if were going to be in this situation for a while, were going to have to learn to live
with each other. Now Ive been single all of my life and I have some habits. Sometimes I leave laundry
around.
VOLDEMORT: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place Mudbloods have
their place And so do your clothes Namely, a dresser! (Stands up)
QUIRELL: Well arent we an odd couple?
(DIFFERENT AS CAN BE)
QUIRRELL:
You won't sleep on your tummy
VOLDEMORT:
You won't sleep on your back
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree
QUIRRELL:
We share some hands and fingers
VOLDEMORT:
And yet the feeling lingers
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
We're just about as different as anyone can be
VOLDEMORT:
You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill
QUIRRELL:
You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!
Sipping tea by the fires is swell
VOLDEMORT:

Pushing people in is fun as well


I like folding all my ties
QUIRRELL:
And you have no friends, hey thats a surprise
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
I guess its plain to see
when you look at you and me
were different,
different,
as can be
VOLDEMORT:
Youre a sissy, a fool, a girl! Im the darkest of lords!
QUIRRELL:
Im the brightest professor here, Ive won several awards
VOLDEMORT:
My new world is about to unfold
QUIRRELL:
You got beat by a two year old
VOLDEMORT:
Ill kill him this time through and through
QUIRRELL:
Or you might just give him another tattoo
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
You really must agree
when you look at you and me
were different,
different,
as canVOLDEMORT:
Ill rise again and Ill rule the world
But you must help me renew
For when our plan succeeds
QUIRRELL:
Prevails!
VOLDEMORT:
Part of that world goes to you
QUIRRELL:
When I rule the world Ill plant flowers

VOLDEMORT:
When I rule the world Ill have snakes
And goblins, and werewolves, and giants, and thestrals,
a fleet of dementors, and all my Death Eaters!
(QUIRRELL: And Jane Austin novels)
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
When I rule the world!! Hahahaha!!!!
(Quirrell grabs turban and exits. Lights fade)

Act 1 Part 6
(Lights open to Harry playing a guitar in a chair with a suitcase on the floor next to him. Hermione is
reading on a bench nearby. Neville is on the opposite side of the stage taking care of a plant)
HERMIONE: Harry, dont you think you should try to figure out what the first task is going to be? You
could actually die if youre not ready.
HARRY: What? Come on. Cant you just do it for me? Cant you just prepare all my stuff for me? I mean
what are you doing right now?
HERMIONE: Im writing your potions essay.
HARRY: Oh, well do that first cuz its due tomorrow. But after that can you prepare for the first task
please? Thank you! You are the best! (Touches Hermiones noes)
(Ginny enters right.)
HARRY: Hey, Ginny. Come here. I want to show you something.
GINNY: Hey, Harry Potter!
HARRY: Listen, I want to play you this song Ive been working on. I want to play it for this girl I really
like, so I just want to know what you think. Just for the purpose of now, cause Im still working out the
lyrics. Im gonna put your name where hers should be, but I dont think its gonna work out, but well
try
(CHOS SONG)
Harry: Youre tall and fun and pretty
Youre really, really skinny
Ginny
Im the Mickey to your Minnie
Youre the Tigger to my Winnie
Ginny
Wanna take you to the city
Gonna take you out to diney

Ginny
Youre cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg
Thats in Canada!
Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny
HARRY: This doesnt work with your name at all. How does it make you feel, emotionally? Dont you
think it could make a girl fall in love with me?
GINNY: I think it already has.
HARRY: Awesome! Cuz its for Cho Chang!
GINNY: Oh yeah she is beautiful.
HARRY: What, are you nuts!? Beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome hot! Shes far more
attractive, more appealing, and more interesting than any girl I know, in my immediate group of friends.
(Ron enters)
RON: Hey, Neville (hits Neville in the back of the head as head jumps over bench) (to Ginny) move,
move, move, move
(Ginny scoots over, knocking Hermione on the floor, Ron sits next to Harry)
RON: Hey! Harry, whats up? So I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid, and I saw these delivery
wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeon.
HERMIONE: Giant cages? I bet whatever is in those cages has something to do with the first task! Harry,
we have to find out what it is.
(Harry stares blankly at Hermione, then begins to play guitar again. Hermione walks over to Harry and
takes his guitar from him)
(Ginny and Ron simultaneously)
GINNY: No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
RON: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
HERMIONE: This is serious. This is a matter of life and death!
RON: Well it doesnt matter because its after hours. We cant leave the Gryffindor house, and well
probably get in trouble if we do. Even if we do, shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.
HERMIONE: Oh, Neville wont tell.
NEVILLE: Oh yes I most certainly will!
RON: So, what are we going to do?

HERMIONE: Simple you guys, the cloak.


RON: Of course (They stand up and face the audience)
RON, HARRY, and HERMIONE: The cloak.
GINNY: Wait, what cloak?
RON: Shhhhhhhhh! (Claps in ear)
(Harry begins to open suitcase, Neville begins to exit)
HARRY: I got a present last yearoh bye Neville. I got a present last year, my first year at Hogwarts and
it was left to me by my dead dad, (to audience) my fathers dead. I have a dad father (to Ginny) Its my
invisibility cloak!
GINNY: Oh wowee Harry Potter! Oh! Oh! Do you know what I would do if I had an invisibility cloak?
HARRY: I would kick wiener dogs.
RON: I would pretend to be a ghost and scare mean people.
HERMIONE: I would use it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror.
GINNY: Well actually I was gonna say, I would use it to take my own death and watch people cry at the
funeral!
HARRY: Ok, well lets get outta here.
(all begin to exit)
RON: (stopping Ginny) Whoa, whoa, whoa, where do you think youre going?
GINNY: With you guys?
RON: No way! No kid sisters allowed (claps in ear) Besides, theres only enough room under this cloak
for 2 people so uh, come one Hermione, come on!
(Hermione hands guitar to Ginny and exits with Ron.)
(HARRY)
GINNY:
The way his hair falls in his eyes
makes me wonder if hell
ever see through my disguise
and Im under his spell
everything is falling and I dont know where to land
everyone knows who he is but they dont know who I am
Harry, Harry,

Why cant you see


what youre doing to me?
Ive seen you conquer certain death
and even when youre just standing there you take away my breath
and maybe someday youll hear my song
and understand that all along
theres something more that Im trying to say
when I say
Harry, Harry,
Why cant you see
what youre doing to me?
(Blackout)

Act 1 Part 7
(Quirrell enters)
QUIRRELL: (to Voldemort) Master, the shipment for the first task of the tournament has just arrived!
VOLDEMORT: Yes, I know Quirrell. I hear everything that you hear!
(Quirrell takes off turban)
QUIRRELL: Isnt this wonderful? We have made sure that Harrys name was drawn from the cup and
soon he will be ours!
VOLDEMORT: Yes its really happening isnt it Quirrell?... You know, with the plan going so well, I
feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell, hows about we go out? I hear its karaoke
night down at the Hogs Head.
QUIRRELL: I dont know, I have all these papers to grade, and Ive been giving so much attention to this
revenge plan that Im really behind.
VOLDEMORT: Ahh come on Quirrell, youve been working so hard all year, you deserve a night off!
QUIRRELL: But the papers
VOLDEMORT: Oh, just give them all B-s and be done with it!
QUIRRELL: Now thats evil!
VOLDEMORT: Yeah, thanks. I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks. And well try to pick up
some chicks.
QUIRRELL: I wouldnt know what to say. Im no good at that.
VOLDEMORT: Come on, itll be fun. You just move youre lips and Ill do the talking.

QUIRRELL: Ummm
VOLDEMORT: QuirrellMan.Listen I may just be a parasite on the back of your head thats
literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that youre too good a guy not to
have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this.
QURRIELL: Well, if you put it that way, then sure, lets go wild tonight.
VOLDEMORT: Ahhhh! Thats the spirit Quirrell. Put on a fresh pain of wizards shorts and grab your
tunic. Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid.
(Quirrell begins to exit)
VOLDEMORT: Seriously man, back when I had a body, I had mad game with the ladies. Just ask
Bellatrix Lestrange!
(They exit stage left as Harry, Ron and Hermione enter with the cloak stage right. Harry is in front)
RON: This cloak isnt as big as it used to be.
HERMIONE: Shhhh! Someones coming!
(Draco, Crabbe and Goyle enter from behind them. Draco looks around in confusion)
DRACO: Did you just hear something?
GOYLE: No. Only quiet. Maybe one raindrop.
DRACO: No matter tell me, Goyle. Who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?
GOYLE: Uh (Draco turns to him impatiently) Oh, Buckbeak for sure. (Draco nods in contemplation).
Crabbe?
CRABBE: Uh, Winky the House elf.
DRACO: (Nodding) Good one Obscure You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That
Hermione Granger. You know whatd Id give her on a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 1 would be the ugliest,
and then 10 would be really pretty I would give her an 8. (long pause) An 8.5 Not-not over a 9.8,
because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone is perfect, like me. Thats why I am holding
out for a 10 because Im worth it. Come on, lets go.
(Draco turns towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione and sharply avoids them as he walks out. Crabbe and
Goyle follow, both dodging the group.)
RON: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.
HERMIONE: Forget them. Now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?
RON: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium, so they should be at the end of this hallway and
to the left.

(They walk in place while the pillars move upstage in order to give the idea of walking forwards. A sheep
in a cage is set on the right side of the stage.)
HARRY: Hey look!
HERMIONE: A goat?
HARRY: Oh my gosh, I have to fight a goat? I dont know if I can do that morally.
(Snape and Albus enter)
SNAPE: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, headmaster.
ALBUS: Feeding time? Dragons dont want to be fed, they want to hunt!
HARRY: (to group) Did he just say dragons?
SNAPE: (to Albus) Did you just say Did he just say dragons?
ALBUS: I must have, because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut upPotter!
SNAPE: Headmaster, do you really think its wise to have children fight dragons?
ALBUS: No, Snape I dont think its wise to do anything anymore. Here I am alive and well today, but I
could very well be killed by you, tomorrow.
SNAPE: Why thats absurd!
ALBUS: Lets go to bed. Have you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kickin posters on my wall.
(Snape and Albus exit towards the group. When they reach them they reach over the group and continue
on)
SNAPE: I am rather tired.
(Harry takes off cloak after Snape and Albus exit)
HARRY: Man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, Im just a little kid?
RON: Well maybe it wont be that bad Harry. Maybe youll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or
Puff the Magic Dragon.
HERMIONE: Ron, this is serious! Harry could die. Alright, theres still time. We just need to figure out a
plan.
HARRY: Lets get back to the commons.
(They exit)

Act 1 Part 9
(Voldemort and Quirrell enter, obviously drunk. Voldemort is giggling)
QUIRRELL: I though walking home drunk was hard before
VOLDEMORT: We shouldve realize that with both of us drinking into one belly, wed get twice as
drunk. Hey Quirrell, do you remember that girl you were talking to? Well I was talking to her sister.
QUIRRELL: Oh, so thats why she freaked out when we stood up!
VOLDEMORT: Because she didnt know that we were the same person! Hahahaha!
QUIRRELL: You know, I havent had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nicks death day party of 91.
VOLDEMORT: I havent had this much fun since well, I cant remember ever having this much fun.
QUIRRELL: You never had fun ever? Doing anything? Maybe thats why youre so evil.
VOLDEMORT: Yeah maybe. I definitely nothing to do with the fact that muggles and mudbloods make
me feel sick to my stomach, but yeah I guess you could be right
QUIRRELL: What is it Voldemort?
VOLDEMORT: Oh, its just that I never really ever considered there was another reason for me being so
evil. Because normally I just I just kill people that try to get me to open up, you know? Oops. Its
kinda nice to just talk.
QUIRRELL: Yeah, you know, I have to admit I was kind of nervous when you first demanded that you
attach yourself to my soul.
VOLDEMORT: Yeah, I could sense that.
QUIRRELL: But like now I think its kind of cool. Its like having a really close roommate or even
VOLDEMORT: Yeah, like a slave like a death eater.
QUIRRELL: No man, its like having a friend.
VOLDEMORT: Ive never had a friend before.
QUIRRELL: Well it looks like youve got one now.
(DIFFERENT AS CAN BE REPRISE)
QUIRRELL:
I guess its plain to see
When you look at you and me
Were different
different
as can be

VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:


We simply guarantee
When youre looking at you and me
were different
different
as can be
QUIRRELL:
Its a comedy of sorts
when youre bound to Voldemort
VOLDEMORT:
And Im happy as a squirrel
Long as Im with Mr. Quirrell
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
Well lead em to the slaughter
and well murder Harry Potter
Were different
Different
Different, different
As can be!
(Blackout)

Act 1 Part 10
(Snape is center stage. Oriental music is playing)
SNAPE: The Hogwarts champions must now enter the Champions tent in preparations of the first task.
(Exit)
HARRY: (Enter with a luck sack) Man, I cant believe I have to skip lunch period for this stupid task.
(Hermione enters)
HERMIONE: Okay Harry, today is the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes I made
for you on dragons?
HARRY: No, but at least I have my wand
(Searches for wan, Hermione pulls wand out of her cloak)
HERMIONE: Here.
HARRY: (Taps her nose) Youre the best.
HERMIONE: Harry, please dont die today. I dont want to see my best friend get eaten by a dragon.
(They hug, Draco and Cedric enter)

CEDRIC: So, tell me more about this Pigfarts. I FIND it to be very interesting.
DRACO: Well, while youre there you have to wear a spacesuit at all time, because theres no atmosphere
on Mars. So if a single docking bay door opens, youll probably die.
CEDRIC: How dreadful!
DRACO: But the good news is if youre a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his
back.
CEDRIC: And hes the headmaster lion?
DRACO: Who can talk!
CEDRIC: Well hello Harry, how are you feeling today?
HARRY: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.
CEDRIC: Well good! Im happy to FIND you in good spirits. Ms. Granger.
HERMIONE: Hello.
(Cho is heard offstage then runs to Cedric)
CHO: Sugar pie!
CEDRIC: My darling!
HARRY: I hate that guy.
(Albus enters)
ALBUS: WOAH, Gosh Granger, I thought you were a Bogart. And what are you doing in the
Champions tent? Get outta here! Ten more points.
HARRY: Thanks Hermione!
(Hermione exists)
ALBUS: Now are you kids ready to fight a dragon? Of course not youre just children, what am I
thinking? Now, outside this tent there are thousand upon thousands of screaming fans. They are either
going to be cheering for you, or the dragon, but either way they are going to be making some kind of
noise. So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am randomly going to select a cardboard cutout
size version of the dragon you will be facing. Cedric, for you Puff the Magic Dragon. ChoFigment
the Imaginary Dragon. Draco the reluctant dragon. And for you Potter The Hungarian Horntail, the
most terrifying thing youve ever seen in your whole life! Anyway, if three are no more complaints
HARRY: Wait a second! This is terrifying, and those are the cutest things Ive ever seen.
(Albus picks up Figment)

ALBUS: This thing is horrifying! Just use your imagination. Diapparate!


(Albus exits. Ron enters holding a box of Double-Stuffed Oreos)
RON: Oh my gosh, this competition is gonna suck! All these dragons are wimpy, Accio double-stuff.
(takes a bite of Oreo then glances at Harrys dragon) OH MY GOSH, MONSTER! Is that yours?
HARRY: Yeah.
RON: Its awesome, I wanna hold it. Oh my gosh this thing is terrifying. I hope the real thing is smaller.
RAWR! Ferocious. What are you going to do?
HARRY: I dont know, Im not cut out for this kind of stuff
(Hermione enters, followed by Snape)
HERMIONE: Ron, you cant be in here. This is the Champions tent
SNAPE: Ms. Granger, what the devil are you doing in the Champions tent? Ten points from Gryffindor.
RON and HARRY: Thanks Hermione!
RON: Hey, good luck buddy. Bye Snape!
SNAPE: Bye!
(Ron and Hermione exit)
SNAPE: Cedric Diggory, now is you chance to face your dragon.
CEDRIC: Alright fellas, wish me luck.
CHO: I believe in you.
CEDRIC: Thats all I need to hear.
(Snape and Cedric exit)
HARRY: Hey Malfoy, tell you what, Ill let you switch dragons with me. Ill give you the chance to
switch dragons with me. Ill give you that opportunity.
DRACO: Um lemme think about--no.
HARRY: Come on, Ill give you my Gushers.
DRACO: (Looking in bag) Oh. No, no. I have a Fruit-by-the-Foot, I dont need that garbage.
(Snape enters)
SNAPE: Ms. Cho Chang, your dragon awaits.

CHO: Well I cant IMAGINE that this will be very hard.


SNAPE: Then I IMAGINE it wont be.
(They exit)
HARRY: Tell you what, Ill throw in my Teddy Grahams WITH the Gushers and you can make little
gusher teddy graham sandwiches.
DRACO: Alright, throw in that pack of Bugles and youve got yourself a deal.
HARRY: Absolutely not!
(Snape enters)
SNAPE: Draco Malfoy.
(Draco exist. Long pause)
HARRY: Professor Snape, is there any way I can forfeit, or change dragons or something?
(Snape pretends to pour Ketchup on Harry)
HARRY: What are you doing?
SNAPE: Im protecting you, Potter. Welsh Greenbacks cant stand the taste of Hunts Tomato Ketchup.
HARRY: But Im not fighting a Welsh Greenback, Im fighting a Hungarian Horntail.
SNAPE: Oh, well silly me. Hunts Tomato Ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love most of all. Out you
go Potter. (Snape pushes Harry to center stage)
ALBUS: And now Harry Potter will fight the Hungarian Horntail. The most terrifying thing youve ever
seen in your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon has not been fed in 2 weeks.
(Cheers for Harry. Dragon comes out from offstage and attacks Harry)
HARRY: Accio guitar! (Harry gets a guitar from one of the crowd members.
(THE DRAGON SONG)
HARRY:
Hey dragon
you dont gotta do this
Lets reevaluate our options
throw away our old presumptions
cause really
you dont wanna go through this
Im really not that special

the Boy Who Lived is only flesh and bone


the truth is in the end
Im pretty useless without friends
In fact Im alone
Just like now
but anyhow
I spend my time at school
trying to be this cool guy
I never even asked for
I dont know any spells
Still manage to do well
But theres only so long that can last for
Im living off the glory
of some stupid childrens story
I had nothing to do with
I just sat there and got lucky
so level with me buddy
I cant defeat thee
so please dont eat me
All I can do
is sing this song for you
HARRY:
Lalalalala
DRAGON:
Rarararara
HARRY:
Lalalalala Lalala
HARRY: (speaking) Thats right Dragon
HARRY:
You never asked to be a dragon
I never asked to be a champion
We both just jumped on the band wagon
But all we need is guitar jamming
HARRY:
Lalalalala
DRAGON:
Rarararara
HARRY:
Lalalalala Lalala
HARRY: (speaking) Goodnight Dragon
(Dragon slowly falls to the ground. Harry goes over to it and pins it down)

HARRY: 1, 2, 3 I beat the dragon!


(All cheer. Blackout)

Act 1 Part 11
(Snape is seen holding a wreath center stage with a spotlight on him)
SNAPE: Attention all Hogwarts student, tonight is our annual Yule ball, so please remember to pick up
your Yule ball wreath and give it to that special someone.
(Lights rise, Ginny enters)
SNAPE: AHH GINGER!
(Snape throws wreath at Ginny and runs offstage. Cho and posse enter right. Harry enters left, carrying a
guitar.)
GINNY: (Hides wreath behind her back) Hey, Harry Potter.
HARRY: Hi Ginny.
GINNY: Fancy seeing you here.
HARRY: Well it is the cafeteria, so yeah.
GINNY: So um the Yule Ball is coming up.
HARRY: Yeah, I know. It is, its coming very soon.
GINNY: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?
HARRY: I was. I was just waiting for the right time to ask somebody. (looks towards Cho) I think that
time is about now, so if you got something to say, just say it now.
GINNY: (Show wreath to Harry and screams in excitement.)
HARRY: Oh, is this for me? Oh, Ginny how did you know that I needed a wreath so that I could ask Cho
Chang? Youre the best!
GINNY: (saddened) Oh, Harry Potter. Just, forget it! (Storms offstage)
HARRY: Alright I will! (Moves to Cho) Hey, Cho Chang. Listen, um, I know the Yule Ball is coming up
and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go with me. But just in case youre kind of on the fence
about it, you should know that I play guitar. I conquered that dragons heart with it and I thought maybe I
could conquer yours.

(CHOS SONG REPRISE)

HARRY:
Youre tall and fun and pretty
Youre really, really skinny
Cho Chang
Im the Mickey to your Minnie
Youre the Tigger to my Winnie
Cho Chang
Youre cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg
Thats in Canada!
Cho Chang, Cho Cho Cho Cho China
Ching Chong Cho Chang!