New Jobs

By Corey Tate

Corey Tate
CoreyAllenTate@Gmail.com

CAST LIST
ABBI ABRAMS
ILANA WEXLER
LINCOLN RICE
MATTY BEVERS
TREY
TODD
RAUL
NICOLE
LADY / MRS SMITH

COLD OPEN
INT. SOULSTICE GYM BATHROOM AFTERNOON
ABBI is cleaning a really disgusting toilet.
ABBI
Oh my God.
ABBI holds her nose and gags.
ABBI
(Increasingly frustrated)
Okay, nope.
Not even gonna do it.
NOT. EVEN. GONNA. DO. IT.
INT. DEALS.COM OFFICE SAME TIME
ILANA is sitting at her desk.
ILANAs boss, TODD, walks through the office
and gives the team a pep talk.
TODD
Okay guys, lets make some deals happen.
DEALS, DEALS, DEALS!
Because, what do we do?
All the employees, except ILANA,
answer at the same time, in a team-like manner.
EMPLOYEES
We make deals!
TODD
You got it!
ILANA
(Whispers to self)
Are you kidding me?
ILANA continues doing work on her computer.
Suddenly, she has a vivid day dream.

CUT TO: ILANAS DREAM

ILANA is sitting at her desk.
Shes 80 years old now.
And so is everyone else in the office.
It looks like the office has been staffed by a nursing home.
The same scenario replays. ILANAs boss, Todd, is wheeled in on a
hospital bed by nurses, hooked up to a breathing machine.
TODD
(Talking slow)
Okay guys...
Lets. Make. Deals. Happen.
DEALS...DEALS...DEALS.
Because (Really nasty cough)
What do we do?
Once again, all the employees answer in a team-like manner.
This time, ILANA participates because shes given up hope.
EMPLOYEES
(Old and slow)
We. Make. Deals.
TODD
You got it.
Immediately after Todd responds,
His breathing machine flatlines and he dies.
ILANA wakes up from her daydream.
It was an epiphany to find a better job.
ILANA goes to the bathroom, occupies a stall and calls ABBI.
ABBI is still frustrated with the toilet.
She picks up the phone, holding her nose.
Split screen conversation.
ABBI
Dude, Im so over this day.
No, Im over my life!
I need to get out of this gym, before I go crazy!
ILANA
Tell me about it.
If I hear Todd talk about making deals one more time.
Ugh.

ABBI
Ilana, what we need to do, is find new jobs.
Were better than this!
Were young. And smart. And talented!
The world needs to witness our potential!
ILANA
(Pumped up)
Yas queen, yas!
I feel you harder than a big fat donkey dick.
ABBI
Its like check yourself, before you wreck yourself, ya know?
ILANA looks confused.
ILANA
Uhhh...
ABBI
Just meet me at my place later.
Were getting new jobs.
The call ends.
ABBI looks at the toilet with disgust and talks to it.
ABBI
You smell like shit.
INT. SOULSTICE GYM FRONT DESK MOMENTS LATER
ABBI approaches her boss, TREY, with hostility.
TREY doesnt sense it.
TREY
Abbi!
There you are.
Did you handle that situation?
ABBI
Oh, I handled it.
I HANDLED IT, ALRIGHT!
TREY takes ABBIs screaming as enthusiasm.
TREY
Oh, thank you Abbi.

TREY bows to ABBI.

ABBI
Okay, enough!
ABBI hands TREY the cleaning brush.
TREY
Whats this, Abbi?
ABBI
Something for you to go FUCK yourself with!
ABBI storms away from TREY.
TREY
Come on Abbi, it doesnt have to be like this.
TREY smells the brush and gags.
INT. DEALS.COM OFFICE SAME TIME
ILANA visits TODDs desk.
TODD is eating a bagel and looks confused,
as to why ILANA is standing there.
TODD
Ilana?
You need help with something?
Why arent you making deals?
ILANA
Todd, Todd, Todd.
Its been nice knowin ya, man.
TODD
Huh?
What are you talking about, Ilana?
ILANA stares off into space as shes giving a dramatic speech.
Dramatic music is playing.
ILANA
Well you see, Todd, there comes a time when...every baby bird,
must muster up the courage to leave the nest.
When...every lion cub must hunt for their own food.
When...every caterpillar must transform into a butterfly.
Soar little Butterfly. Youre freeeee.

The music stops.

TODD looks even more confused now.
TODD
What does any of this have to do with making deals?
ILANA
Um, I quit.
Thats basically what I was trying to say.
ILANA picks up TODDs bagel, takes a bite and walks away.
TODD calls out to ILANA.
TODD
Ilana, can I have my bagel back?
The bagel is seen being thrown back at TODD.
Upon leaving, ILANA goes to clean out her desk.
As shes putting her things in a box,
ILANAs nemesis, NICOLE wonders why shes packing.
NICOLE
What happened?
Did Todd finally get the balls to fire you?
Please tell me he did.
PLEASE!
ILANA walks over to NICOLEs desk.
NICOLE has a lit candle on her desk,
along with a teddy bear and other weird things.
ILANA
Um, ACTUALLY, I just quit.
This place can go suck it.
NICOLE raises her hands to the sky and does a
Thank God gesture.
NICOLE puts her hands back down.
Smoke is seen coming from her hair.
ILANA
I also thought you should know
NICOLE
Oh, more good news?
Come on, make my day.

ILANA
Your hair is on fire.
NICOLE jumps up and freaks out.
ILANA laughs and starts singing Wyclef Jeans 911.
ILANA
Someone please call nine-one-ooone.
TODD comes over and douses NICOLE with a fire extinguisher.
NICOLE is now covered in white frost.
ILANA is laughing hysterically.
ILANA
Hahaha!
Peace bitch.
ILANA throws up a peace sign and exits.
INT. ABBIS APARTMENT LATER
ABBI and ILANA are on their laptops, constructing resumes
and smoking pot through their vaporizers.
ABBI
(Sigh)
Dude, I dont even know where to start.
ILANA
Abbi, relax babygirl.
We got this.
First, need to write cover letters.
ABBI
Okay, how about this?
(Starts typing)
Dear company, please hire me.
I dont want to continually clean poop.
ILANA takes a hit from her vape smoker and blows out the smoke.
ILANA
Dear company, are you lookin for a boss-ass-bitch?
Well, look no further, bruh.
ABBI
Dude, this is not working out.
We need backup.

ILANA
Youre right.
Who can we call, that has their shit together?
ABBI & ILANA (Together)
LINCOLN!
ILANA grabs her phone and calls LINCLON.
She puts it on speaker, so ABBI can also talk.
LINCOLN answers.
Hes at home, in the middle of researching recipes for
The Al De Dentist blog.
The conversation is taking place split screen.
LINCOLN
Ilana! Hey!
Which pasta should I make next?
Peanut Butter Pasta Salad
Or Creamy Spinach Tortellini?
ABBI
Fuck!
They both sound so good!
ILANA
God. Im Hungry.
ABBI and ILANA are so high, that they begin to space out.
Cut back and forth between ABBI and ILANA.
Food is seen rotating around their heads.
Burgers, Pizza, Tacos, Ice Cream.
This occurs for about 10 seconds.
LINCON
Uh, hello?
ILANA
Oh.
Lincoln, we need your help.
Me and Abbi are making resumes for new jobs.
And we have no clue where to start.
LINCOLN
Oh, thats easy Ilana.
I can help you with that.

ILANA
Perfect.
LINCOLN
But I should mention,
theres an opening at my office for a receptionist.
Its yours if you want it.
I mean, it could be the perfect thing.
We can get stoned and eat Doritos on our lunch break.
We could bone in the bathroom.
I could show you inexpensive, makeshift methods,
for filling in your own cavities.
ILANA
Lincoln, are you shitting me?
Yes! Yes!
I want it!
LINCOLN
Cool.
You can start tomorrow at 9am.
Ill bring the Doritos.
ILANA screams in excitement then hangs up the phone.
ABBI feels bummed out.
ABBIs roommate BEVERS, enters ABBIS room.
Hes eating a sandwich. Mayo is on his beard.
He was eavesdropping the whole time.
BEVERS
Abbi, I may or may not have been eavesdropping but...
ABBI interrupts BEVERS.
ABBI
Oh my God, Bevers!
NOW IS NOT THE TIME!
ANY OTHER TIME, I PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT,
BUT NOT TODAY!
BEVERS
Whoa, whoa, whoa, chill, Abs!
BEVERS takes a bite of his sandwich.

BEVERS (contd)
I overheard you were looking for a job.
Maybe I can help.
ABBI
Bevers, do YOU even have a job?
Like, what do you do all day?
BEVERS reaches for ABBIs laptop.
BEVERS (contd)
May I?
ABBI
May as well.
You help yourself to everything else.
BEVERS enters a web address on ABBIs laptop,
and hands it back to her.
CLOSE UP on the computer screen.
Its a picture of BEVERS, smiling,
holding loads of cash in one hand and a donut in the other.
BEVERS sings out loud.
BEVERS (contd)
Money, money, money, monaaaay.
(Laughs)
Its my internet business, silly.
What do you think I do all day?
Im a businessman.
ABBI
OH MY GOD, BEVERS.
THAT IS CRAZY!
BEVERS
Right?
I decided a long time ago,
that I didnt wanna work for anyone else,
so I started my own business.
ILANAs mouth drops as she looks at ABBI.

ILANA
Omg, dude.
Why have WE never thought of that?
Were just two worker bees, workin for the man.
BEVERS
Anyway, I came in here to tell you,
that my assistant quit today.
and Im lookin for someone to replace her.
Its an easy job and it pays a nifty two-fifty buckaroonies.
ABBI
Two-hundred-fifty dollars a day?
ILANA
D-zam!
ABBI
You have an assistant?
Who are you? Bill Gates?
BEVERS
HAD...an assistant.
And please...dont bring up Bills name.
Last time we had lunch, it did NOT end so well.
ILANA
Who the fuck ARE you?!
ABBI
Bevers! Yes!
Ill be your assistant!
When can I start?
BEVERS
Tomorrow.
ABBI
What time?
BEVERS
Oh, dont worry about it.
Ill just call ya, when I need ya.
ABBI
Bevers, thank you so much.
Like, you dont even know how much this helps.

BEVERS
Pleasures all my mine, Aba-dab-dab.
BEVERS exits the room.
ABBI
Oh my god, Ilana!
Were a couple of boss-ass bitches!
We came. We saw.
ILANA
We muthafuckin conquered!
Gimme some!
ILANA and ABBI hi-five then begin celebrating by jumping up and
down in slow motion, smoking vape, dancing, and having a pillow
fight. Feathers are flying, excitement is on their faces
and techno music is playing in background.
This occurs for about 10 seconds.
INT. ABBIS BEDROOM NEXT MORNING
ABBI and ILANA are sleep and covered in feathers from the night
before. An alarm goes off. Its 8:30am.
A visual flashback occurs to ILANA of LINCOLN saying the line,
You can start tomorrow at 9am.
ILANA
Oh shit!
ILANA jumps up, grabs her things and hurries out.
INT. ABBIS KITCHEN MORNING
BEVERS is in the kitchen, looking in the fridge.
Hes shirtless and scratching his butt.
He yells out to ABBI but in a polite, but pestering manner.
BEVERS
ABBIIIIIII!
ABBIIIIIII!
ABBI wakes up annoyed and yells back.
ABBI
WHAT, BEVERS?

BEVERS
Ab, Im all out of my special drink.
Usually, I send my assistant to the store.
ABBI replies. Still annoyed but agreeable.
ABBI
Okay!
Ill be up in a sec!
INT. ABBIS LIVINGROOM MINUTES LATER
ABBI enters, fully dressed and ready to go.
BEVERS is sitting on the couch, playing video games.
BEVERS
Hey, Ab.
I left a note on the fridge with specific instructions on getting
my special drink.
ABBI
Bevers, what exactly IS your special drink?
BEVERS
Duh, silly.
Chocolate milk.
ABBI walks over
CLOSE UP on the
Its written in
Martys Bodega.
Ask for Raul.

to the fridge and grabs the note.

note.
red crayon and says,
Brooklyn.

ABBI whispers to herself.

ABBI
Seriously, dude?
Brooklyn?
ABBI grabs the note and walks out the door.

INT. LINCLONS OFFICE MORNING

ILANA is at the receptionist desk on a phone call.
ILANA
Okay, what time would you like to come in?
ILANA jots down the info as shes talking.
ILANA (contd)
Perfect.
Okay.
See you soon.
ILANA hangs up the phone.
ILANA
Damn, this is easy.
Makin. That. Mula.
A woman enters the office.
ILANA
Hi, can I help you?
WOMAN
I here for my appointment.
ILANA
Okay, whats your name?
WOMAN
Mrs. Smith
CLOSE UP on the womans teeth.
They are JACKED!
Yellow, brown, green, different shapes and sizes.
ILANAs eyes get wide as she becomes freaked out.
LINCLON comes out of his office and interrupts.
LINCLON
Oh, Mrs. Smith, you made it.
Go right in and have a seat.
Ill be right with you.
The WOMAN enters LINCOLNs office.

ILANA
Oh. My. God.
LINCLON
Thats the dentist business, Ilana.
People arent born with perfect teeth.
And thats why they come to the Luminous Lincoln!
LINCLON puts on a pair of latex gloves
and does a superhero-like stance.
LINCLON
Cover me!
Im going in.
INT. MARTYS BODEGA MORNING
ABBI arrives to the bodega in a cab.
She walks in, spots the cashier and walks over.
ABBI
Hi, Im looking for Raual.
The CASHIER doesnt say anything,
but points to the back of the store.
Theres a black curtain.
ABBI timidly walks to the back of the store,
and enters behind the curtain. The room is pitch black.
ABBI
Um...Raual?
Raul?
Suddenly, a light comes on.
ABBI jumps as RAUAL appears.
An old Asian guy.
RAUAL
Ive been expecting you.
Matty Bevers said you were coming.
RAUAL pulls away a sheet-like covering
and unveils a case full of gold bottles.
A heaven-like sound effect is heard.

ABBI
Oh my God.
What is that?
RAUAL
Specially imported chocolate milk from Belgium.
Specifically made for Matty Bevers.
ABBI
What the fuck.
Bevers is like some kind of secret God.
RAUAL
I cannot deny nor confirm that.
ABBI grabs the case of chocolate milk and prepares to leave.
ABBI
Okay, this is getting weird, so...Im gonna go.
ABBI slowly backs out of the room.
INT. LINCOLNS OFFICE STILL MORNING BUT LATER
Ilana is playing Tetris on her computer.
LINCOLN and the WOMAN from earlier, exit LINCOLNS office.
LINCOLN is giving her teeth care instructions.
LICOLN
Okay, Mrs. Smith,
dont drink any dark liquids for 48 hours.
Ill see you soon.
WOMAN
Thank you, Lincoln.
Upon leaving, the WOMAN smiles big and bright.
Her teeth look brand new.
ILANA
Whoooa.
LINCOLN
Thats why Im the man, Ilana.
Now when you see those teeth, you dont wanna queef.
Thats what I do.
I make queef-less teeth.

INT. ABBIS LIVINGROOM MID-MORNING

ABBI arrives back at the apartment.
BEVERS is doing yoga.
BEVERS
Hey, Ab.
Right on time.
BEVERS grabs a bottle of chocolate milk out of the case
And chugs it nonstop, then burps.
ABBI gags.
ABBI
Okay, Im gonna put these on the table and Ill be in my room.
BEVERS
Okay, Ill let you know if I need you.
Until then Im gonna be gettin my downward facing dog on.
INT. ABBIS ROOM MOMENTS LATER
ABBI sits on her bed.
Immediately, BEVERS calls out to her.
BEVERS
ABBIIIIII.
ABBI
(Sighs)
Yes, Bevers?
BEVERS
Can you come here for a sec?
INT. ABBIS LVINGROOM MOMENTS LATER
ABBI enters to see what BEVERS wants.
BEVERS is in downward facing dog pose.
ABBI
You need something, Bevers?
BEVERS
Could you place my feet a few feet apart?
I know it sounds crazy, but it was my old assistants job.
ABBI looks furiously annoyed.

ABBI
Sure, Bevers.
Why not.
ABBI starts to place BEVERS feet apart.
His butt is towards her face.
BEVERS farts in ABBIs face.
ABBI gets up immediately.
ABBI
PLEASE TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST FART IN MY FACE!
BEVERS
Im sorry, Abbi.
That just came out.
I cant control my flatulence.
ABBI
I QUIT!
I QUIT, I QUIT, I QUIT!
ABBI storms off to her room.
INT. LINCLONS OFFICE AFTERNOON
LINCLON and ILANA are getting stoned and eating snacks.
ILANA
Lincoln, thank you so much for this job.
This place is amazing.
LINCOLN
No problem, Ilana.
Its good having you around here to help out.
ILANA notices a red button by her desk.
She attempts to press it.
ILANA
Hey, what does this do?
LINCOLN
Wait, no!
Never press that red button!
ILANA jumps back before she can push the button.

LINCOLN
Ilana, whatever you do, never press that button.
I cant go into to detail, but just know,
that button is serious business.
We can still get stoned.
We can still bone in the bathroom.
We can still do all that stuff I promised,
just dont press that button.
ILANA
Dude, you have my word,
I will never press that button.
Scouts honor.
INT. ABBIs APARTMENT DAY
ABBI is in her room, pissed off.
BEVERS enter with a cupcake.
He wants to make peace with ABBI for the earlier incident.
BEVERS
Abbi?
Im sorry about earlier.
BEVERS hands ABBI the cupcake as a peace offering.
ABBI
Are you serious?
Its gonna take more than just a cupcake.
You farted in my FACE!
Like, I have to wear this face for the rest of my life
and it now has your fart on it.
BEVERS
Youre right, Abbi.
I messed up.
You know what, never mind the two-fifty.
Ill pay you DOUBLE!
ABBI
500 hundred a day?
BEVERS
All yours.
ABBI
Yeah, it better be five hundred! Thats more like it!

BEVERS
Oh, thank God!
ABBI
But FIRST, I wanna lay some rules, man.
BEVERS
Sure.
Anything, Abs.
ABBI
First, absolutely, positively,
NO MORE FARTING IN MY FACE!
and second, every day at 2pm,
I want an hour break, so I can watch my soap operas.
BEVER
Done.
Anything else?
ABBI starts thinking of more things she can ask for.
She draws a blank.
ABBI
Yeah theres more,
but Ill let you know at a later time and date.
BEVERS
Whatever you need.
Take your time.
Im just happy to have you back.
BEVERS forcefully hugs ABBI and leaves the room.
ABBI starts feeling powerful because her demands have been met.
She starts strutting around the room and talking to herself.
ABBI
Damn right.
Im the goddamn boss around here.
Who da boss?
Im da boss!

INT. LINCOLNS OFFICE EVENING

ILANA is sitting at her desk, doing work while drinking a can of
soda. She spills the soda all over the desk.
ILANA
SHIT!
ILANA panics, grabs paper towels
and begins wiping furiously.
While wiping, she mistakenly hits the forbidden red button.
ILANA looks to the sky and screams in slow motion.
ILANA
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
An alarm goes off.
LINCOLN comes running out of his office in a frantic manner.
LINCOLN
Ilana, what happened?!
ILANA
(Speaking frantically)
It started off so innocent.
I was just sitting here, drinking a soda,
I spilled it and thats when shit got real.
LINCOLN
Ilana, please tell me you didnt press that button.
ILANA
I did.
Im sorry.
LINCOLN
Okay, we got 20 seconds.
ILANA
20 seconds for what?
Are we gonna die?
LINCOLN whips out his phone and
calls someone whose identity isnt revealed.

LINCOLN
HEY, ITS AN EMERGENCY!
I NEED YOU TO SHUT DOWN THE OPERATION.
THE PASSWORD IS SHOOBY-DOOBY-SCOOBY DOOBY.
YES...ITS SPELLED EXACTLY HOW IT SOUNDS.
ILANA starts crying and talking about things shes never done.
ILANA
Theres so much I never got the chance to do
Ive never been to a Kanye West concert.
I never got the chance to smoke weed with Snoop Dogg.
For God sakes, I never made out with Abbi.
Abbi, I love you.
Ill miss you.
The alarm shuts off.
LINCOLN
(Sigh of relief)
Whew.
That was a close one.
Ilana, are you okay?
ILANA
Wait...
So were not going to die?
LINCLON
Not anymore.
ILANA
Oh my god.
That was too close.
Okay Lincoln, like, thank you so much for this job
and thank you for saving my life, but I quit.
Im not cut out for this.
LINCLON
I understand, Ilana.
Not everyone is cut to be a gatekeeper in the
wonderful world of dentistry.

INT. ABBIS BEDROOM EVENING

ABBI is watching TV.
She overhears BEVERS on a phone call. Hes crying.
She mutes the TV and walks closer to the living room,
so she can hear better.
BEVERS
What do you mean its all gone?
This cant be happening.
No, say it isnt so.
Okay, okay, fine. Bye.
BEVERS ends the call.
ABBI hears BEVERS coming toward her room,
so she jumps back on her bed and unmutes the TV.
BEVERS enters ABBIS room. ABBI tries to act normal.
ABBI
Hey Bevers, whats going on?
BEVERS
Abs, I have some bad news.
Like, really bad.
ABBI
What happened?
BEVERS
Please dont be mad.
ABBI
Bevers!
Spit it out!
BEVERS
Its gone. Everything.
I lost all of my money.
ABBI becomes increasingly furious with BEVERS.
ABBI
YOU. LOST. EVERYTHING?
SO WHAT YOURE TELLING ME IS, YOU WONT BE ABLE TO PAY ME.
BEVERS
Ill make this right, Abbi! I swear!

ABBI
Make it right? How Bevers?
Youre Broke!
And now since YOURE broke,
that means, IM broke!
BEVERS
Im so sorry, Abbi.
Please forgive me.
ABBI
I went to a bodega in Brooklyn for you
and dealt with some creepy old dude just to retrieve your
(air quotes) Special drink.
Then, you had the audacity to fart in my face!
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!
I SHOULDVE KNOWN!
BEVERS
Um, Abbi?
ABBI
WHAT, BEVERS?
BEVERS points to the cupcake that ABBI never ate.
BEVERS
Are you gonna eat that?
ABBI picks up the cupcake.
ABBI
Oh, you want THIS cupcake?
BEVERS
Yes, please.
My blood sugar is running low.
I could possibly pass out.
ABBI
Oh, really?
Pass out huh?
With this knowledge,
ABBI drops the cupcake on the floor and steps on it.
BEVERS begins licking the cupcake off floor.

ABBI
You disgust me!
INT. DEALS DEALS DEALS - MORNING
ILANA is back in the office to get her job back.
She walks in on a team meeting.
TODD
Ilana, what are you doing here?
I thought you quit.
ILANA
Look, Im sorry.
I feel like I left on bad terms.
Can I have a do-over?
I mean, not a do-over, as quitting again
but a do-over as in working here again.
TODD
Sure, Ilana.
I mean, I love having you around.
You dont make a lot of deals,
but when you do, you come through for us.
ILANA
Thanks, T-O-Double D.
You da man!
ILANA has a seat and joins the team in the meeting.
She takes a seat next to NICOLE.
NICOLEs head is bandaged up from the previous hair fire.
ILANA
Hey, Nicole.
Sorry about what happened to you.
NICOLE gives ILANA an evil eye.
NICOLE
Dont talk to me.
ILANA
Thats fair.
But I just wanna say that
nobody can rock that head bandage like you.
You look hot, girlfriend.

ILANAs mouth drops.

ILANA (contd)
Oh my God...that was a fire pun.
You know what, Im just gonna stop talking.
NICOLE
Good call.
INT. SOULSTICE GYM SAME TIME
ABBI is back at the gym to get her job back.
Shes wearing her uniform shirt that says Cleaner.
TREY spots ABBI.
TREY
Abbi?
I thought you quit.
ABBI
Yeah, about that...
I...
TREY take his finger and shushes ABBIS lips.
TREY
Its okay, Abbi.
We all get frustrated sometimes.
And when you quit, I had to do some self-reflecting.
I realized that youre a great cleaner,
but I dont make you feel important.
I knew youd be back, so I have something for you.
ABBI
You do?
TREY pulls out a Black T-shirt.
It looks similar to ABBIS Cleaner uniform shirt.
TREY
This is for you Abbi.
Congratulations.
ABBI doesnt look at the shirt but has confidence that it says
Trainer. She becomes ecstatic.

ABBI
Finally!
Thank you, Trey!
I will not let you down.
I have waited and waited for this opportunity.
LETS DO THIS!
TREY
Good Abbi, because we have a situation.
TREY pulls out a toilet cleaning brush and hands it to ABBI.
ABBI
Wait, what?
I thought...
ABBI takes a look at what the shirt says.
The shirt reads,
Best Cleaner In The World.
ABBI immediately feels deflated.
ABBI
You know what, hey, I guess we have a situation.
Im on it, Trey.
TREY bows to ABBI as she walks away.
INT. LINCOLNS APARTMENT EVENING
LINCOLN and ILANA are eating Peanut Butter Pasta and Creamy
Spinach Tortellini.
ILANA
This is SO good.
Im glad you decided to make both pastas.
LINCOLN
Thats why they call me the Al De Dentist.
I fix teeth and make eats.
ILANA
Im so glad we didnt die back at your office.
By the way, what exactly wouldve happened
if you didnt shut the alarm off?
Would we have like, exploded or something?

LINCLON
A million tons of chocolate pudding wouldve fell from the
ceiling and drowned us.
Little known fact,
Pudding is the number one killer among American dentists.
LINCOLN and ILANA laugh and eat pasta, as the scene fades out.
END.