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Foreword
This style handbook was commissioned by the former Official Languages Agency and
produced by the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology College of Lifelong
Learning. It is based on the needs of Official Languages Officers as determined through
personal interviews, a grade-wide survey and the analyses of samples of written
documents produced by officers from all ranks working in various government bureaux
and departments.
It covers the basics of layout and style for various types of correspondence, and
especially highlights the need for contemporary forms of clear, concise expression. Each
chapter contains tips as well as examples of faulty writing and model alternatives. Advice
on language use is drawn from samples of documents produced by Government
departments, and therefore should be relevant to the daily needs of working officers.
As language officers we take great pride in our services to the various departments of the
Government of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region. We translate, draft and
edit a wide range of documents that reflect the priorities of the departments which we
serve and the needs of our various readers. Nevertheless, every document we produce
should aim for consistently high standards of clarity and effectiveness.
English business correspondence has greatly changed in recent years. It offers many
choices and defies simple rules. This guide is not intended as a rule book and does not
cover detailed questions about grammar and mechanics. It should rather serve as a basis
for writing decisions that will improve the clarity and consistency of communications
coming out of your office or department.
Many colleagues and departments contributed suggestions and points of views to earlier
drafts of this guide. Our thanks to them, especially to the Director of Administration and
the Director of Civil Service Training and Development Institute for their patience and
time in helping to make this a relevant and practical reference.
Table of Contents
Layout Styles 1
Punctuation for Salutations and Addresses 2
Dates 4
Avoiding Jargon and Unnecessary Words 5
Talk to the Reader 6
Tips on Layout and Style 7
1.7 1.10
12
Introduction 12
Government, Legislators and Civil Service 12
Judiciary 13
Clergy 14
HKSAR Honours 15
Consular and Professional Titles 16
Foreign Honours and Titles 16
Addressing More than One Person 17
Complimentary Closes US and British Differences
18
20
3.1
3.1.1
3.1.2
3.1.3
3.1.4 3.1.10
20
22
3.2
3.2.1
3.2.2
3.2.3
3.2.4
3.2.15
3.2.5 3.2.14
3.3
Letters of Acknowledgement
3.3.1
3.3.2
3.3.3
3.3.4
3.3.5 3.3.15
34
44
3.4
3.4.1
3.4.2
3.4.3 3.4.7
31
48
62
62
63
Introduction 67
Language Use 67
Tips on Layout and Style
68
69
Opening Styles 73
Humour 74
Tips on Style 75
5.4
76
ii
6.2
6.4
A Sample Memo 81
A Sample Circular 84
Reported Speech 87
Tips on Layout 88
Reporting Verbs 89
Be Concise 90
7.3 7.4
Sample Minutes and Report 88
7.6
Table of Alternatives to Say 90
94
94
100
Index 104
iii
The indented style is the established form for Government letters. The first line of
each paragraph is indented. The date, complimentary close and signature are
either aligned to the right or start at the centre and move to the right. The writers
name and designation are usually positioned symmetrically beneath the
complimentary close. The subject line is centred. If no letterhead is used, the
senders address may be positioned either above the readers address on the left or
opposite the readers address on the right. All other text begins at the left margin.
The straightforward block style aligns the address, the date, the reference, the
subject heading, the salutation, the body and the complimentary close to the left.
The senders address is positioned on the left, above the readers address.
Sometimes the senders address forms part of the letterhead, spanning the top
length of the page.
The block style is a popular business style.
The modified block style differs from the block style in three respects: (1) The
senders address and the date are aligned to the right, (alternatively, the date starts
at the centre and moves to the right); (2) The subject line, if there is one, is
centred; (3) The complimentary close starts at the centre of the page and moves to
the right.
The readers address should remain on the left. Moving both addresses to the
right tends to upset the balance of the letter.
The simplified style is the same as the block style but it dispenses with the
salutation and complimentary close. This is a fast and easy format, ideal for
standard letters to several recipients.
Dear Mr Jones,
Dear Mr Jones:
Dear Mr Jones
Style Tips
Many people dislike following a full stop with a comma Ltd., as this can look
messy. It is common practice to omit the last full stop in an abbreviation if it is
followed by a comma or full stop.
In the body of a letter, you should spell out the full name of the company in
brackets after the abbreviation if it is not well-known:
ABC Ltd. (Associated Biscuit Company Limited)
Obviously abbreviation is unnecessary if you only refer to the company once in the letter.
Latin Abbreviations
The usual practice is to punctuate Latin abbreviations, unless the abbreviation is followed
by a full stop. Often these are placed in italics, although this is not a rule.
e.g.
i.e.
viz.
et al.
for example
in other words
namely
and other people
cf.
v.
etc.
compare
consult
and so on
Latin abbreviations should be avoided in a letter. Writing for example looks much nicer
on a page than e.g.. Generally, these abbreviations should only be used in footnotes.
Postscripts (P.S.) should also be avoided. If your letter is drafted correctly, all relevant
information should be contained in the body.
Other Abbreviations
Without punctuation
yr (year) / cm (centimetre) / mm (millimetre) /
oz (ounce) / ft (foot) / lb (pound) / m (metre) /
kg (kilogramme)
With punctuation
in. (inch) / no. (number) / a.d. (anno Domini) /
b.c. (before Christ)
Either
a.m. / am p.m. / pm PS / P.S. cc / c.c.
Measurements
For measurements, use abbreviations only if they follow numbers and not words:
Three inches or 3 in.
You should always have a space between the number and the abbreviation: 8 ft.
1.3 Dates
Spell out the month fully and position the day either before or after it. In the UK, it is still
common practice to write th after the day. A comma is only required if the day comes
before the year.
January 20, 2003 (US/UK) 20th January 2003 (UK)
Your letter will be clearer if you keep the language simple. If presented with the choice,
always opt for the shorter, more common word.
Avoid
The proposal of this project has been appendixed herewith for your
consideration
Thank you for your invitation inviting me to the annual dinner.
At this point in time
We have made a decision
Enclosed herewith
Replace with
Please refer to the attached project proposal
Thank you for your invitation to the annual dinner
Now
We have decided
Enclosed
Because/ Due to
Regarding
We have considered
If
Often you dont need aforementioned or above-mentioned at all.
Use language that talks directly to the reader. Avoid making grand statements about your
departments plans or policy. This can appear pompous and may alienate the reader. In
the example below, compare the we statements in Sample One and the you references
in Sample Two.
Sample One
Dear Mr Wong,
The Fire Safety Council has been planning to produce a booklet on fire
safety for primary school children. We see this meaningful project as an
opportunity to serve the community and I would like, on behalf of the
Hong Kong Fire Service, to invite you to join us in a partnership to
produce the booklet.
Sample Two
Dear Mr Wong,
If the letter is long, allow an inch for your left and right margins. If the letter is
short, make your margins bigger and start the body of your letter further down the
page. For short letters, it is a good idea to double or triple space your lines.
A letter looks more balanced if the paragraphs are about the same size. A recipient
is more likely to read your letter if the paragraphs are short. As a general rule,
they should be no more than six lines long.
Your sentences should be short. Long sentences are always capable of being
reduced or split into two. A sentence of about 20 words is easier to digest.
If your paragraph is complicated, or you need to refer to a list of items or tasks, it
is a good idea to use bullet points.
If you need to quote anything longer than one line, you are advised to indent it on
a separate line and create one line of space above and below it.
Get to the point in the first two lines. An exception to this applies when you have
to convey bad news or persuade someone. In these situations, it may be more
effective to build up your case, or prepare the ground, before getting to the point.
Each paragraph should contain one main point, presented at the beginning of the
paragraph rather than at the end.
Always be courteous. Never order anyone to do something. Use please and
thank you wherever possible.
13 January 2003
Mr Joseph Barnes
15 Tai Ting Rd
Anon Town
New Territories
Dear Mr Barnes,
2003 Quality Building Management Competition
I would like to ask your permission to use your company logo on
our promotional posters for this years Quality Building Competition.
We plan to hold the competition on Tuesday 3 July to promote
effective building management among local companies. This is the
first time the event has been staged in Anon Town.
As the winner of last years Clean Buildings Award, your
company is well-known for its environmental efforts. Lending your
name to the competition would certainly help to boost its profile as
well as generate some good publicity.
Please let me know if you are interested. I can be contacted by
phone on 21234567.
Yours sincerely,
Michael Wong
Chairman of the Housing Committee,
Anon District Council
13 January 2003
Mr Joseph Barnes
15 Tai Ting Rd
Anon Town
New Territories
Dear Mr Barnes,
2003 Quality Building Management Competition
I would like to ask your permission to use your company logo on our
promotional posters for this years Quality Building Competition.
We plan to hold the competition on Tuesday 3 July to promote
effective building management among local companies. This is the
first time the event has been staged in Anon Town.
As the winner of last years Clean Buildings Award, your company is
well-known for its environmental efforts. Lending your name to the
competition would certainly help to boost its profile as well as
generate some good publicity.
Please let me know if you are interested. I can be contacted by phone
on 21234567.
Yours sincerely,
Michael Wong
Chairman of the Housing Committee,
Anon District Council
13 January 2003
Mr Joseph Barnes
15 Tai Ting Rd
Anon Town
New Territories
Dear Mr Barnes,
2003 Quality Building Management Competition
I would like to ask your permission to use your company logo on our
promotional posters for this years Quality Building Competition.
We plan to hold the competition on Tuesday 3 July to promote
effective building management among local companies. This is the
first time the event has been staged in Anon Town.
As the winner of last years Clean Buildings Award, your company is
well-known for its environmental efforts. Lending your name to the
competition would certainly help to boost its profile as well as
generate some good publicity.
Please let me know if you are interested. I can be contacted by phone
on 21234567.
Yours sincerely,
Michael Wong
Chairman of the Housing Committee,
Anon District Council
10
1.10 Letter
13 January 2003
Michael Wong
Chairman of the Housing Committee
Anon District Council
11
2.1 Introduction
This chapter reviews the correct forms of address of those in Government, the civil
service, the judiciary, the professions, the diplomatic corps, the clergy and those with
honorific titles.
This is by no means a definite list and further particulars can be found in The Government
of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region Staff List; The Government of the Hong
Kong Special Administrative Region Civil and Miscellaneous Lists; the Central Cyber
Government Offices Precedence List; Whitakers Almanac and Whos Who.
Post
Salutation
Address
Sir/Madam
Sir/Madam
Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Mr etc. + surname
Dear Sir, Lady + first name
Dear Dr. etc. + surname
12
Post
Salutation
Address
Official:
The Honourable the Chief
Justice of Hong Kong.
Semi-official:
The Honourable Mr Justice
NAME, Chief Justice
Sir/Madam
Permanent/Non-Permanent Judge
of the Court of Final Appeal
Sir/Madam
Sir/Madam
Sir/Madam
Sir/Madam
Magistrate4
Dear Sir/Madam
Note
Certain non-permanent judges of the Court of Final Appeal hold honorific titles such as
Sir or Lord and for those who have sat on Britains Privy Council, The Right
Honourable. However, while sitting on the Court of Final Appeal they should be
referred to in the normal way: The Honourable Mr Justice
Address in Court for all judges above District Court level: My Lord, My Lady, Your Lordship/Ladyship
Address in Court for District Court Judges: Your Honour
4
Address in Court for Magistrates: Sir/Madam
3
13
Post
Anglican Archbishop of Hong
Kong5
Salutation
Dear Archbishop
Your Grace
Most Reverend Sir
Your Excellency
Dear Bishop NAME
Address
The Most Reverend NAME,
Archbishop and Primate of
Hong Kong
The Most Reverend the Bishop of
the Roman Catholic Church in
Hong Kong
The Most Reverend NAME (less
formal)
Dear Dean
The Pope
Your Holiness
Most Holy Father
Cardinal
Your Eminence
Archbishop
Your Excellency
Your Grace
Bishop (Catholic)
Bishop (Protestant)
Catholic Priest
Anglican Priest
Nun
Dear Sister
Dear Sister NAME
Sister NAME
Rabbi
Dear Sir
Reverend Sir
Dear Rabbi NAME
Buddhist Monk/Nun
Rabbi NAME
The Reverend NAME
Ven. NAME
Venerable Sik NAME
Venerable NAME
Complimentary close for Pope, Cardinals, Archbishops, Bishops: I am, Sir/Madam, Yours faithfully. All
others: Yours faithfully.
14
When writing to those awarded honours under the HKSARs official honours system,
you should use the initials of the award after their names. Recipients of Hong Kongs
highest award, the Grand Bauhinia Medal, may use the title The Honourable before
their name.
Awarded Honour
Salutation
Address
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir/Madam
15
Post
Salutation
Address
Foreign Consul-General6
Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Mr/Mrs etc.
NAME, Esq.
Consul-General of COUNTRY,
Hong Kong.
Your Excellency,
Sir/Madam
Dear Ambassador/High
Commissioner
Physician
Dr. NAME
Prof. / Professor
College Dean
Academic Doctorate
Dr. NAME
Dentist
Surgeon
Veterinary Surgeon
Post
Salutation
Address
Duke/Duchess
Dear Duke/Duchess
Earl/Countess
Dame
Baron/Baroness
Knight
Wife of Knight
Lady NAME
Complimentary close: I avail myself of the opportunity to renew to you, Sir/Madam, the assurance of my
highest consideration or I take the opportunity of renewing to you Sir/Madam, the assurance of my
highest consideration.
16
Plurals
The plurals of Mr, Mrs and Dr. are Messrs, Mmes and Drs. respectively.
Address:
For salutations to a group of people, you are advised to find the noun that identifies them
as a group. For example: Dear Doctors, Dear Occupants, Dear Tenants, Dear
Association Members, Dear Staff, Dear Guests, Dear Visitors, Dear All.
Alternatively, you can address the group collectively and then use the singular, generic
salutation: Dear Sir/Madam.
Address:
Salutation:
Dear Sir/Madam,
For a group of men, Dear Gentlemen or Dear Sirs are equally acceptable.
There are no reliable ways to address a group of women. Dear Ladies is acceptable for
special female-only events or social functions. It would not, however, be appropriate to
address a group of people at work, who just happened to be female, as Dear Ladies
because drawing unnecessary attention to gender may be regarded by some as mildly
offensive. In these situations, it would be better to write: Dear Staff or Dear Colleagues.
Couples
If you need to address a married couple, then you can either write:
Mr and Mrs David Howard or
Mr David and Mrs Jean Howard
If either spouse has a title, then use the title first:
Dr. Jean and Mr David Howard
Your salutation should be:
Dear Doctor and Mr Howard
17
Gender Unknown
If you are unsure of the names of those you wish to address, To Whom It May Concern
followed by Dear Sir/Madam would be appropriate.
If the readers gender is unclear, dont guess. Write out their full name or use their initials
and surname, omitting the gender specific title.
Address: A.B. Mahoney. Salutation: Dear A.B. Mahoney, or Dear Dr. Mahoney.
In Britain, the general rule is fairly simple. If the persons name is used in the salutation,
close with Yours sincerely. If the name is not used (e.g. Dear Sir), then close with
Yours faithfully.
In the United States, Yours faithfully is rarely used. Typical American closes include:
American Closes
Business:
Social:
Best wishes
Faithfully
Very truly yours
Love
18
In the UK, Sincerely, Yours truly and Cordially are rarely used. More common
closes are:
British Closes
Business:
Social:
Yours sincerely
Yours faithfully
Regards
Kind regards
Best wishes
All the best
Love
Lots of love
Warm regards
In both British and American styles, complimentary closes end with a comma not a full
stop. In all cases, only the first letter of the first word is capitalised.
19
3.1
This category covers everything from press releases and public notices to routine
correspondence. The style should be concise, straightforward and not overly descriptive.
In most cases, the tone should be fairly neutral. That said, press releases can be more
descriptive and upbeat and declining letters more understanding in tone.
3.1.1 Public Notices Tips on Layout and Style
Public notices should be easy to read and kept to one page, with all the important
information at the top. A quick glance at the first few lines should give readers the gist of
the message.
20
These are similar in layout to public notices but written in the form of letters. For large
audiences, it is advisable to use a simplified block format. If your letter responds to
queries or suggestions, you should acknowledge this at the beginning.
3.1.3 Press Statements Tips on Layout and Style
The opening paragraph of a press statement needs to contain your basic message.
Additional information follows in order of importance. Background information, history
and references are presented last. The tone is neutral and the first person singular is
avoided.
If your language is concise, simple and to the point, an editor is less likely to re-work
your opening paragraphs. Putting background information at the end allows the editor to
cut less important material from the bottom up. Long, complicated sentences and flowery
language should be avoided.
Always ask: How can I make this interesting to my audience? Consider what will make
them want to read what you have written.
21
OLYMPIC BRIDGE
It should contain a
single idea along
with a brief
outline.
Details about the
HHD City Project
should be
explained later.
Instead: was
received with great
enthusiasm by the
people of Hong Kong.
The opening
paragraph is too
long.
Language Use:
(2) To beautify is a
little vague. Instead:
a new design to
improve/enhance the
look of the bridge
22
OLYMPIC BRIDGE
23
The first
paragraph is
too long and
difficult to
read. It does
not grab
attention or
sell the
competition
effectively.
Avoid
repeating the
whole name.
Either: the
Competition
or the
competition.
Dear Sir/Madam,
Use bullet
points to list
the
organisations
and do not put
them in the
first
paragraph.
Remember to
capitalise
The if it
forms part of
the name of an
organisation.
24
Language Use
Raise awareness among workers, their families and employees at large. This is
technically correct but at large also means on the loose and is often used to
refer to people or animals who escape captivity! Employees in general is safer.
Avoid repeating names in full. The Safety Slogan Competition only needs to be
stated in full at the beginning.
Always put people first. If you are addressing a company or organisation, refer to
them directly. Instead of: We need the support of your catering establishment, it
is more personal and direct to say: We need your support.
Follow any with the plural: any suggestions, any enquiries, any ideas, any
remarks, any complaints.
25
DATE
Attention: All Caterers and Restaurant Owners
Catering Industry Safety Award Scheme (2002/2003)
Safety Slogan Competition
We would like to invite you to participate in a Safety Slogan Competition that will run
from 2 July 2002 to 20 July 2002, as a prelude to this years Catering Industry Safety
Award Scheme.
The aim of the competition is to reduce the number of work related accidents by
enhancing health and safety awareness among workers, their families and the wider
community.
The event is being organised by the Anon Department together with:
As in previous years, there will be other Award Scheme competitions including the
Safety and Health Assessment on catering establishments. Details of these competitions
and their enrolment procedures will be announced later.
A poster and an entry form for this competition are enclosed. If you have any enquiries,
or would like further information, please contact Mr Chan (telephone no).
I sincerely hope that you will all participate in this important, awareness-raising contest.
NAME
DESIGNATION
DEPARTMENT
26
I would like to invite you to participate in a Safety Slogan Competition that will run from
2 July 2002 to 20 July 2002, as a prelude to this years Catering Industry Safety Award Scheme.
The aim of the competition is to reduce the number of work related accidents by
enhancing health and safety awareness among workers, their families and the wider community.
The event is being organised by the Anon Department together with:
As in previous years, there will be other Award Scheme competitions including the Safety
and Health Assessment on catering establishments. Details of these competitions and their
enrolment procedures will be announced later.
A poster and an entry form for this competition are enclosed. If you would like to find out
more, please dont hesitate to contact Mr Wong (telephone no.)
The success of this competition really depends on the willingness of everyone to get
involved, so I do hope that you will participate in this important, awareness-raising event.
Yours faithfully,
NAME
DESIGNATION
DEPARTMENT
27
Include a
heading, title,
release date
and END
(at the end of
the
statement).
It is unlikely that
readers will be
particularly
interested in who
organised the
event. Do not put
this at the
beginning.
(Press Statement)
To celebrate the meaningful moment of the 5th
Anniversary of the Unification, the Anon District
Celebration for the 5th Anniversary of the Unification
Carnival co-organised by the Anon District
Celebration for the 5th Anniversary of Unification
Committee and the Anon District Office will be held at
the Main Atrium of the Anon Town Plaza on 30 June
2002 (Sunday).
A Flag Raising Ceremony cum Opening Ceremony is
scheduled for 10 am that day and will be followed by a
variety of onstage performances, which include
marching band performance, lion and dragon dances,
symphonic band performance, Chinese orchestra
performance, Chinese dances, Oriental dances, Western
dances, modern dances, Para Para, Jazz dances, choir,
Chinese operatic songs, popular band performances.
Game booths will be set up from 2 pm to 4 pm, while
performance and free instruction on group dance will be
arranged at the same time. All members of the public
are welcome to the Celebration Carnival.
Admissions for all the above programmes are free.
Game booth tickets are available at ADDRESS. For
enquiries, please call NUMBER.
28
Language Use
To celebrate the meaningful moment of the Anniversary. Unnecessary and
unusual word use. Suggestions: To celebrate the anniversary, To celebrate the
significance of the anniversary, To celebrate the important anniversary.
A common convention for letters is to write out numbers if they are ten or below.
For example: The fifth anniversary. It looks nicer. Exceptions include titles and
headlines or a number forming part of a name: The 5th Anniversary Committee.
Avoid capitalising words excessively. It reduces the impact of the words you need
to highlight. A flag raising ceremony, Fifth anniversary of the unification do
not need to be in capitals.
Avoid words like cum in letters. It is not very contemporary, especially in a
press release.
The event is scheduled for 10 am is shorthand for scheduled to begin at 10 am.
Missing verb: All members of the public are welcome to the celebration.
Instead: All members of the public are welcome to join in (or another verb) the
celebration. Alternatively: All members of the public are welcome.
Admissions for all the programmes are free. Admission is singular. The
preposition which follows is: to not for. The correct version is: Admission to
all programmes is free.
29
3.1.10
This press statement puts the most important information in the first paragraph. It
describes the event, indicates the date and location and informs you that it is free. It is
also relatively short.
PRESS STATEMENT
DATE
THE 5
A free carnival to celebrate the fifth anniversary of the reunification will be held at the main
atrium of the Anon Town Plaza on Sunday, 30 June 2002. Events include a flag-raising
opening ceremony along with a variety of multicultural musical and dance performances.
The Opening Ceremony begins at 10 am and is followed by a series of colourful events from
marching bands, lion dances and Chinese operatic songs to pop shows, orchestral
performances and a host of oriental and western dances from jazz to Para Para.
For those interested in dancing, free group dance instruction will be provided from 2 pm to
4 pm and game booths will open at the same time.
The carnival is jointly organised by the Anon District Celebration for the 5th Anniversary of
Unification Committee and the Anon District Office. For further information or enquiries,
please call NUMBER. Admission to all programmes is free and everyone is welcome.
END
30
31
There are occasions when stating a request in the first paragraph is simply too direct. This
applies to difficult or sensitive situations, where persuasion is important.
In these cases, it may be wiser to build up arguments first and then make the request.
This approach works best if it takes the reader by surprise. If the reader already expects
the request, a long preamble may prove counter-productive.
32
3.2.3
These letters are usually sent after earlier requests have failed. The tone is firm, direct but
always polite. Usually they begin with a reference to earlier correspondence. Reminder
letters do not belong in this category. They follow the normal layout for letters requesting
information.
Express your concern (refer to previous requests if applicable).
State the action that needs to be taken. Use bullet points for clarity.
Explain the consequences if they fail to comply (if applicable).
Provide any information to help the reader comply more easily.
Restate your demand politely.
Thank the reader for his cooperation, if appropriate.
The layout and style of invitations are similar to those of letters of request. The tone is
personal and friendly. It is important that the reader senses a genuine desire for
acceptance.
33
Overall
structure:
Grateful.
This is a
shorthand
style that is
inconsistent
with the rest
of the letter.
Sentence
structure:
who will not
be given
refers more
clearly back
to those staff.
Subject
headings should
be kept to one
line wherever
possible.
All of the
heading should
either be
underlined or
set in bold.
The paragraphs
and sentences
are too long.
Each paragraph
should only
contain one
main point.
This is your
request. It
should be at the
top of the letter
and restated
towards the end.
Language Use
Avoid capitalising words excessively. It reduces the impact of the words you need
to highlight. While Anon Bureau should be capitalised. The generic civil
service does not require capitalisation.
Herewith Forthwith Hereto etc. This is old-fashioned, turgid language. Its
use in letters should be avoided. However, it is still widely used in legal and more
formal correspondence.
34
A consultancy study on the retirement benefits system for new recruits on permanent
terms has been carried out. The Anon Bureau has issued an Executive Summary and a
Consultation Document on the proposed reforms. I would appreciate your comments on the
proposals, especially your views of their likely effect on staff recruitment and retention.
The study proposes a more flexible retirement scheme to meet the needs of the present
and future civil service appointment system, comparable with the best practice in the private
sector.
The attached Executive Summary sets out the consultants findings and their
recommendations on the design options for the proposed CSPF scheme, along with a
Consultation Document.
Please note that staff appointed before June 2000 are not eligible to join or transfer to
the proposed scheme.
I would be grateful for your comments on these important proposals before March 31,
2001.
Dear Mr Wong,
Attached are three articles for next months newsletter. Id be
grateful if you would print and prepare several hard copies of these for
next weeks meeting.
Thanks again.
35
Dear Mr Callaghan,
Language Use
Talk about your future plans of work. This is not incorrect but it is more
common to say: your future plans at work or your plans for the future at work.
Talk about your personal feelings. This is not incorrect but it is more common
to talk about your personal thoughts or views. Only if the subject is genuinely
personal (e.g. relationships) does one normally speak of feelings. Feelings are
always personal.
We should be grateful. This is correct but We would be grateful is more
contemporary.
36
Dear Mr IP,
I hope you will be able to find the time in your busy schedule to
meet us. Your early reply would be greatly appreciated.
Yours sincerely,
37
The demand
should be restated at the
end.
Dear Sir,
Correction:
...instead of
its total
replacement,
is not
acceptable to
our endusers, the
Hospital
Authority
Style:
totally unacceptable.
It is more
common to say:
compensation
or financial
compensation
Corrections:
(1) Abiding
by
(2) contract
(3) create an
unnecessary
workload
(4) ...clinical
staff
(5) has been
dragging
on...
38
Language Use
39
I am returning the latest defective product for your inspection. Should you have
any questions about this, or if you require further clarification about our requirements
or your contractual obligations, please contact Mr Chan on extension 3333.
As hospital staff and their patients depend on these goods, we would appreciate
your prompt action. We are reluctant to take this matter further and look forward to
receiving your reply before 11 July 2002.
Thank you for your cooperation.
40
Require that you pay to the Government the costs of such works
41
The Pharmacy Association takes a very serious view of these offences and is concerned
about the effect this may have on the reputation of the industry as a whole.
We would therefore like to remind all authorised sellers to redouble their efforts to
abide by the code of practice for Authorised Sellers of Poisons and strictly adhere to the
provisions of the Dangerous Drugs Ordinance. Copies of the code and relevant provisions are
enclosed.
Any seller convicted of contravening the Ordinance or the Code of Practice may be
required to appear before a disciplinary tribunal and have their license to sell such poisons
revoked.
If you have any queries about these regulations, please contact Mr Wong on 21234567.
NAME
POSITION
42
Date
Dear
43
3.3
Letters of Acknowledgement
These letters must sound sincere. Avoid flattery but never shy away from a genuine
compliment. You should begin with an expression of thanks or congratulations, then:
Explain your reasons. Be complimentary and enthusiastic (where appropriate).
End with a final compliment, warm wishes for the future, or look forward to a
future meeting or event.
Never say once again, thank you or repeat a compliment as this reduces the
impact of your message.
Always keep the tone personal and informal.
You should acknowledge the event promptly. It is pointless to send a message of
thanks several months after the event. Any positive message is countered by your
obvious failure to acknowledge earlier.
Letters of acceptance follow the same format but the ending usually points to a future
event or meeting e.g. I look forward to seeing you there. If the invitation is routine,
your reply can be brief and your reasons do not need to be detailed: It sounds like an
excellent idea. I look forward to seeing you there.
44
Typical apology letters at work relate to administrative errors, delays and complaints
against staff. If you have to write an apology, it is normally because a mistake has been
made. There is little point in trying to defend the action in an apology letter. This defeats
the object. Instead, apologise sincerely and explain the reasons for the error.
State your apology at the beginning. Dont exaggerate or understate.
Explain the reasons for the mistake. Keep it short.
Explain what is being done to prevent it from happening again.
End your letter on a positive note, such as an assurance of better service in the
future. You may repeat the apology but try to use different words.
Some Apology Lines:
Please accept our apology
We are sorry for the inconvenience we have caused you
45
It is always hard to write a condolence letter and what you write really depends on your
relationship with the grieving family. If you know the family well, you may:
Express your shock and sadness at the news.
Explain briefly the impression the person made on you.
Refer to something that you miss about the deceased: I will miss her charm and
generosity.
Never try to cheer up the grieving person or refer to other matters in an attempt to
distract them from their grief.
If youre unsure about saying something, dont say it.
Keep it short.
In cases where you dont know the family well, be brief and honest.
Suggested Lines:
Our thoughts are with you at this sad time
We were deeply shocked and saddened to hear the news (personal)
I am so sorry to hear the news / about your loss / tragic loss
We are truly sorry to hear about your father
May I express my deep sympathy to you and your family
Some people, particularly Americans, find words like death or deceased a little strong.
Your loss or your sorrow are acceptable alternatives.
Suggested Endings:
Our thoughts are with you
We will miss him/her (personal)
Our prayers are with you (personal)
With sympathy / deepest sympathy
Yours sincerely
46
I was extremely delighted to see your clients helping the less fortunate lives.
Our units will treasure any insights you have on the rapid development of the Pearl
Delta region
I am writing to thank you for your new book, Skies, published by your esteemed
company
I was pleased / so
pleased / very / most
pleased.
I was happy / so happy /
very happy.
I was delighted / so
delighted / absolutely
delighted
I was thrilled: this is
fine for personal letters,
since it expresses strong
emotion.
I was overjoyed: this is
very strong. Only use
such an expression if you
are genuinely
overwhelmed with
happiness!
Esteemed is used to
describe people of
impeccable character or
associated with highly
reputable organisations.
This is old-fashioned,
formal English and is not
used much today. It would
rarely be used to describe a
company.
highly regarded
renowned
respected
reputed
47
Avoid mission
statements.
Overall:
Use fewer words;
make each
sentence more
concise and direct.
Example:
We were all
greatly
encouraged by
your kind words
about our
services.
This paragraph is
too inward
looking. Use you
language and talk
to the reader.
Language:
undoubtedly,
shows us that our
efforts on
providing
customer-oriented
services have
borne fruit
The language is
too convoluted.
The tone is selfimportant. Also,
the use of the
present perfect
suggests a
completed job.
Be more modest:
Yours sincerely,
shows our
continuing efforts
to provide a good
service are being
recognised /
valued.
48
Dear Ms Wong,
Thank you very much for your kind words about our work at Old
Market.
We rely on comments from the public, be they good or bad, to
improve the range and quality of the services we provide.
It is a
Yours sincerely,
49
Dear Ms Laurie,
What a lovely surprise! Thank you so much for the gift and
your kind words.
50
Extract One
Thank you very much for your letter of 2002 inviting me to take part at
the above Opening Ceremony to be held 2002. I am delighted to accept your
kind invitation. I look forward to seeing the fruits of your programmes.
Language Use
Give the full date when referring to a letter. In a letter of thanks, it is not
necessary to mention the date at all.
Correct preposition: Take part in. Above should be avoided.
Only remind the reader when it will be held if it is necessary. If the event is
already described in the subject heading, this is unnecessary.
The fruits of your programmes. The usual phrase is: fruits of your work or
fruits of your labour. Other associations sound a little odd.
An Alternative
Thank you very much for inviting me to take part in the Opening
Ceremony. I am delighted to accept and I look forward to seeing the result of
all your hard work. Im sure it will be a spectacle.
51
Extract Two
Thank you for your generous donation towards the Lucky Draw Annual
Dinner. It is indeed a pity that you could not join us, but your enormous support is
deeply appreciated. To express our sincere gratitude towards your continuing
support and guidance, the Staff Club would like to present you a souvenir, which is
enclosed herewith for your retention.
Language Use
This is a good start but the letter is ruined by the ending: which is enclosed
herewith for your retention. This turgid language should be avoided in a
letter of thanks.
Correct prepositions: gratitude for your support, to present you with.
An Alternative
To express our heartfelt thanks for your continuing support and guidance,
the Staff Club would like to present you with this souvenir.
OR
The Staff Club would like to present you with this souvenir as a token of our
heartfelt thanks for your continuing support and guidance.
52
Extract Three
I am writing to thank you for sending me the new book Free Seas
The book, co-written by Dr X and Dr Y, gives a comprehensive
account of the history and development of the shipping industry in Hong
Kong, as well as a critical analysis of the pros and cons of opening up the
seas. It is undoubtedly a useful reference book for interested parties in the
industry. I have read it with interest and am impressed by the deep insight of
the authors.
Language Use
This is a well-meaning letter but the reader may suspect the writer does not
like the book. Why? It appears to lack sincerity. The tone is impersonal and
the language is packed with facts that seem to demonstrate a knowledge of,
rather than genuine interest in, the book.
Undoubtedly underlines the impersonal style. Use I to personalise your
comments: I think it will make an excellent reference book or I have no
doubt it will be a useful book
An Alternative
Thank you very much for sending me your new book, Free Seas. It was
a pleasure to read.
I thought your chapter on the history of Hong Kongs shipping industry
was superb. I was impressed with the authors analysis of the pros and cons
of opening up the waterways. I think this will make an excellent reference
book for those in the industry.
53
Extract Four
Thank you for your letter of 17 May 2002 inviting me to attend the
inauguration ceremony of the above programme. I am glad to accept the
invitation and Miss Chan, acting as District Officer while Im on leave,
will attend the ceremony on my behalf.
Language Use
The first line should be condensed to: Thank you for inviting me to the
inauguration ceremony.
If you have been invited to an event, never refer to it as the above.
The writer should apologise for being unable to attend in person.
An Alternative
54
Avoid repeating
words such as
congratulations
and well done
for the simple
reason that using
the same word
twice reduces the
impact of your
message.
It is my pleasure to congratulate
I am delighted to congratulate
I would like to congratulate
Let me offer my sincere
congratulations to
5 January 2003
Wish a success is
incorrect. You wish
success or you can
wish every success.
Dear Mr Callaghan,
It is my great pleasure to congratulate the
ABC Association on the publication of Review.
I sincerely wish this new quarterly
periodical
success
in
It is more personal to
wish people rather
than objects success: I
wish you every success
with your new
magazine.
promoting
John Chan
55
Dear Mr Callaghan,
Congratulations to everyone at the ABC Association
on the successful launch of Review.
I was very impressed with the first edition and I have
no doubt it will generate a greater sense of community
within the industry.
Yours sincerely,
Dear Mr Callaghan,
I read the first edition of your new magazine Review
and I was very impressed.
I have no doubt it will be well received in the
industry. Congratulations to everyone involved at the ABC
Association.
Yours sincerely,
56
57
Overall this
letter is too
long.
The sentences
should be
shorter and
more direct.
Thank you for your letter dated February 22, 2003 concerning
Dont refer to
a complaint
as the
captioned
subject.
This letter
should begin
with an
apology.
Instead:
We will
investigate with
headquarters
ways to enhance
the control
measures...
If possible
you should
give an
explanation
for the
problem first
and then
explain what
further action
will be taken.
The
paragraphs
are too long.
58
59
Dear
This matter was first drawn to our attention last month when
several villagers complained of the nuisance. We responded very
quickly issuing three warnings to the alleged offender to clear the
obstruction. When it became apparent that this person was ignoring
our requests, we served him with a summons on August 3, 2003.
We are sorry for the inconvenience this has caused you. Let
me assure you that we take a serious view of the illegal obstruction
of public rights of way and we do our best to act promptly.
Yours sincerely,
60
61
3.4
This category deals with those situations where you have to say no. The first step is to
decide whether to be direct or indirect. A direct approach means you decline in the first
paragraph and then explain your reasons:
Thank you for your letter. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that
We have carefully considered your proposal
Im sorry to say that we are unable to
An indirect approach means you explain first and then refuse. The end result is the same
but the indirect approach is more tactful and should be used in situations where
sensitivity is required. This approach is also used in more formal letters where reasons
need to be set out fully before a conclusion is drawn (see section 3.4.4 An Alternative
Declining Letter). This section concentrates on the indirect approach.
3.4.1 General Tips on Layout
When declining an invitation, keep it brief, be grateful and have a reasonable excuse.
Remember: A lengthy explanation can sometimes sound like a guilt-ridden excuse.
Thank the reader or say something nice about the occasion: What a wonderful
idea / It sounds like a superb evening / Your offer is very tempting indeed.
Give your explanation.
Say sorry, if required.
End on a positive note.
62
Overall, the
arguments need to
be structured in a
way that links the
points.
Use connecting
language such as:
However,
in fact,
firstly,
secondly,
thirdly,
due to,
as a result of,
therefore,
because of this
Structure:
In view of
the above, I
would like to
advise you...
action took place on May 23, 2002 has always been unleased
Government land.
This is stated
before the
policy so the
reader does
not know
why being on
unleased
land is
significant.
Yours sincerely
The ending is
very abrupt.
The last line
should not
contain the
rejection.
It should be
couched in
sympathetic
language.
63
64
You were overseas from July 2001 to August 2002 and you
believed the rent was being paid by your brother in your
absence.
Yours sincerely,
65
Dear Mr Chan,
Thank you for your letter of January 8, 2003.
The Director of the Anon Department is carefully considering your request to
hire the Civic Centre for a non-governmental conference.
I hope you understand that, due to the number of different factors involved,
your application may require some extra consideration and this may take time.
We appreciate your patience and expect to give you an answer within the next
ten days.
Yours sincerely,
66
4.1 Introduction
The layout and writing style of a formal invitation or announcement largely depend on
personal preference. However, it should look professional and pleasing to the eye. A
good design suggests that the event you are announcing will be good too.
It is important, therefore, to stand back and view the script almost as a piece of art. Does
it look right? Is it symmetrical? Are the lines spaced properly? Is there too much room at
the top or bottom of the document?
You cannot separate content from layout because your choice of words will change the
way the script looks. Requests the pleasure of the company of NAME reads well but
may not fit onto one line. Instead you might try the shorter: Requests the pleasure of
your company.
General Advice
Decide on the content.
Experiment with layouts.
If you like a layout but the words dont fit comfortably, try changing the words.
If you cannot change the words, then try another layout.
Use the full name of the host, including titles and post-nominals (e.g. JP).
Use the full name of the guest, including titles and post-nominals (e.g. JP).
Requests the pleasure of the company of
Mr. Paul Cheung Man Fai, JP
For Chinese names, if the invitee uses an English name, position it in front of the
Chinese surname.
67
The convention is to write out titles in full e.g. Doctor, Professor, The
Honourable. The only abbreviated exceptions are Mr / Mrs.
Using a full-stop after an abbreviated title or post-nominal letters is optional. It
depends on how it looks. Lots of full-stops can look messy and take up space.
Mr. Smith, J.P. or Mr Smith, JP. Remember to be consistent throughout.
The convention is to write the date and time of the event fully in words. This
applies in particular to formal or important invitations such as weddings or large
ceremonies. For less formal invitations, public announcements and plaques, this
convention is often ignored.
If an announcement includes an address, i.e. is pleased to announce its Grand
Opening at 15 Longacre Rise, it is acceptable to use figures in the address.
R.S.V.P. is French for please reply. It requests the reader to indicate whether he
or she is able to attend. Alternatively Regrets Only means only those who cannot
attend should get in touch.
The wording should be centred. Avoid single line spacing. Create larger spaces to
separate sections if necessary. Use different font sizes for emphasis.
For invitations, dress code information is positioned in the bottom right of the
card. R.S.V.P. or Regrets Only, with an accompanying phone number, is
positioned in the bottom left. Normally, these details are kept well away from the
main body of text.
Your choice of font is really a matter of personal taste. For weddings, the
convention is to use a hand-written font.
Connectives and prepositions (on, in, at, from etc.) that begin a new line should
not be capitalised. The first letter of names, places, organisations, titles of events,
certificates and awards should be capitalised.
If you want a name or title to stand out, put the prepositions that accompany it on
the previous line or on their own separate line.
Always have symmetry in mind. Pyramid shapes, where the text is too heavy at
the top or bottom should be avoided.
68
Only include a
very short
introduction at
the beginning.
Environmental
protection and
greening
consciousness
feels repetitive.
Just say:
environmental
awareness
and
a wide variety of bauhinia were planted in the Name View Point on
funds donated by a number of people and organisations
The Green Garden
Are these
people
committee
members,
donors or
authors of the
message?
Dr NAME, Chairman
To be clearer,
their names
should be
positioned next
to information
that relates to
their work.
69
Dr NAME, Chairman
Mrs NAME, Vice-Chairman
Organising Committee on Green Name and Plant More Flowers
Anon District Community Development Fund
70
Ballet Extravaganza
to celebrate the fifth anniversary of the founding of the
Hong Kong Special Administrative Region
to be held in the
Piazza of the Hong Kong Cultural Centre on
Saturday the eighth of June at seven oclock in the evening
R.S.V.P.
Black Tie
21234567
71
Certificate of Appreciation
Presented to
___________________________
_____________
Commissioner
Date
72
The most important part of any speech is the opening. This is your grace period. No
matter how controversial the subject, the audience usually keeps an open mind and
reserves judgement. This is your chance to grab their attention, engage their interest and,
if necessary, win them over.
The most important thing to remember is that the opening should be written last.
Everything else your objective, main points and conclusion come first. Once you have a
clear idea of the content, tone and style of your speech, go back and write the opening.
The opening sets the tone of your speech. If it is entertaining, you may want to start with
an amusing anecdote or one-liner. If it is serious or thought-provoking, perhaps a
rhetorical question would work best.
This is determined by the content and tone of your speech. Speechwriters should adopt an
opening that best suits the speakers personality and delivery. You could begin with:
An Anecdote. These narratives must be relevant, short and interesting. They also
need to be simple and must serve to illustrate your main point.
A Quotation. You should try this if the quote neatly encapsulates your main point.
A quote helps to focus the audiences attention on the theme. They work best
when they are attributable to a well-known person. Avoid long, obscure or
irrelevant quotes. Clichs (over-used quotes such as If a jobs worth doing, its
worth doing well.) should always be avoided.
Visualisation. This is when you ask the audience to visualise a scenario. Imagine
if youre sitting at home after a long days work and the fire alarm in your
apartment block goes off.... Asking the audience to imagine a situation involves
them directly in your talk. Presenting them with simple, visual situations
encourages them to think more about what you are saying.
73
Similes and Metaphors. You can also start by comparing your main point to a
strong visual image. This helps the audience visualise what you are saying. As
imagery is more memorable than words, it is more likely that they will remember
your point too. Also, the more unusual the comparison, the more interesting or
amusing it is likely to be: A speech is like a wheel, the longer the spoke, the
greater the tire. (Anon)
5.2 Humour
If used properly, humour can work very well in an opening. Getting the audience to
laugh creates an instant bond. It must come across naturally and easily. For
speechwriters, injecting humour is sometimes risky because its success has as much
to do with delivery as content.
Generally speaking, always prepare a humorous anecdote carefully. Keep the humour
simple and make sure it relates to your topic. It should never be cruel or likely to
offend a particular group (regardless of whether they are present). Never wait for a
laugh, if the punch-line doesnt work, just carry on. Amusing anecdotes from your
own experience work best. Actual jokes should be avoided.
74
Write your opening last. Go through your speech and think of the best way to
deliver an attention-grabbing start.
Make sure it connects with the rest of your speech. It should not feel detached.
Never apologise for your speech or for not being a good speaker. This will only
draw the audiences attention to something that they may not have noticed.
Do not start your speech by saying thank you or first of all, Id just like to say
what a great honour it is. This is boring for many listeners and should be
avoided wherever possible. Obviously, there are occasions where diplomacy
requires introductory thanks. In those situations, try to keep it brief. There will be
plenty of room in the speech to express gratitude or to praise the host. Ideally you
should avoid a preamble and go straight to an interesting comment, anecdote or
rhetorical question.
Avoid jokes but tell amusing, real-life stories from personal experience.
Never assume that your audience will be interested in what you are going to say.
If youre going to quote someone, make sure it is someone well-known.
75
What follows is a good speech about the importance of personal values in a competitive,
materialistic society. But the opening itself is rather vague; the topic of the speech is not
clear. Also, the speaker does not appear to talk directly to the audience who happen to be
a group of young people. Instead she refers to them in the third person: a dialogue with
youngsters, to discuss how young people.
An Alternative Opening
76
This is a perfectly good speech but it follows a predictable format. There is little
connection between the note of thanks at the beginning and the rest of the speech. For a
relatively informal occasion, the tone is also a little serious. On an idiomatic point, much
honoured sounds a little awkward. It is more common to say: honoured, delighted,
very pleased or greatly honoured.
An Alternative Opening
77
This speech calls out for an anecdote. People love personal stories about children, so this
is a good opportunity to use one to help you connect with the audience. .
There are a few grammatical and stylistic problems with this opening. Be careful about
calling people simple, it can also mean foolish or stupid. Innocent is a better
alternative. Avoid following simple with simply, they sound too similar to be on the
same line. The expression: Music to my ears usually refers to an enjoyable sound, other
than music: The sound of the waves is music to my ears. Avoid using this phrase when
referring to music itself. Finally, sweetest is in the wrong position, it needs to come
before the noun, i.e. sweetest music. Its use here is redundant in any event. Alternative:
Their unaffected voices are a joy to hear.
An Alternative Opening
When my four-year-old daughter sings, its normally a little out
of tune. But every time I listen, it fills me with joy. Nothing sounds
more delightful than a childs voice singing. I know that in time, as she
grows, so will her understanding and appreciation of music. But to
help children develop their talents, proper education and professional
training is essential. The Hong Kong Choir Association has been
playing a crucial role in this regard, promoting childrens choral
activities and music education throughout the region...
78
Memos are written just like any other piece of correspondence. They must be
grammatically correct, properly structured and courteous. Each paragraph should contain
only one main point. If the paragraph is complicated, bullet points are advised.
As memos are internal documents, in-house expressions (jargon) are perfectly
acceptable. You dont need to set out in detail any obvious information that is widely
understood. However, the writer should be cautious when making this assessment.
The tone of a memo varies depending on the subject and to whom it is being sent.
Normally it is less formal and more direct than an external letter.
General Circular No.8/97 issued by the Director of Administration sets out some
requirements for the layout of memos. They are incorporated into the following points:
Memos are typed on specially headed notepaper that contains a printed form at
the top of the page. Additional pages are typed on plain paper.
MEMO
From
________________________
To __________________________
Ref.
______in________________
(Attn. : _______________________)
Tel. No. ________________________
Your Ref. _____in______________
Fax No. ________________________
dated _________________________
Email
________________________
Fax No. _______________________
Date
________________________
Total Pages ____________________
79
80
81
Many of the rules relating to memos also apply to circulars. They are set out in numbered
paragraphs. The content must be grammatically correct, courteous and concise. However,
as circulars speak to a wider audience, internal jargon should be avoided. The tone also
tends to be more formal than that of memos.
There is no printed form for circulars. Plain A4 or headed notepaper containing the
departmental address is used instead.
Put the address or name of the department in the top right corner.
Put the reference number in the top left corner, in bold.
Put the date beneath the address in the top right corner.
The title of the circular comes next. It is centred and set in bold with a larger font
than the rest of the text. It should state its departmental origin, reference number
and year:
82
83
Ref: 1/11/12 AB
DEPARTMENT NAME
AND/OR ADDRESS
Date
This circular updates the transport service arrangements for staff on duty. It
supersedes Departmental General Circular No.12/2001 which is now invalid.
Cost Saving Measures
2.
Greater economy must be achieved in the provision of Government
transport. The use of public transport should be regarded as the normal means of travel.
This extends to all modes of public transport and does not include taxis.
3.
Staff who use public transport in the course of their duties will be
reimbursed on application to the Anon Bureau. All claims should be supported by
receipts.
Use of Departmental Vehicles
4.
Officers in charge are responsible for the day-to-day operation and
deployment of departmental vehicles. The Departmental Transport Managers job is to
oversee the management of the departmental fleet and co-ordinate vehicle acquisition.
CONTINUES IN NUMBERED PARAGRAPHS UNTIL THE END. THERE ARE
NO PAGE NUMBERS.
84
Emails are more informal than traditional letters but that does not mean you can forget
about grammar, punctuation or even good manners. At work, you should approach
writing an email as you would a letter.
As a general rule, write whole sentences, capitalise letters and punctuate properly.
Traditional salutations and closings are not required, although it would never be wrong to
write Dear John or Yours sincerely.
Emails should be brief, concise and accurate. Poor spelling and clumsy grammar look
unprofessional. Remember to use your online spell-checker.
Do not cover several subjects in one message. It makes your message less focused
and the reader may only reply to some, but not all, of your queries.
Try to fit your message on one screen.
Keep your paragraphs very short. Scrolling through a long paragraph can be
annoying.
The normal salutation for emails is simply the persons name, i.e.: John. A
friendlier alternative is: Hi John. If you are sending an email to a stranger, use
the traditional salutation: Dear Mr Saunders.
Write your name at the end of the message. Your email signature should be
underneath. This is your full name, email address, position and telephone number.
Always include a subject and make sure you write it in the subject box. You
should keep the heading short, otherwise it could be truncated.
Some formatting options such as italics, boldface and underlining cannot be used
in email. Alternatively, you can set off titles and emphasise words and phrases by
means of asterisks, underscores or slashes:
Please *confirm* whether you can attend.
the title of the booklet is _Style Guide on Official Writing_
Remember to use the /spell-checker/ before sending out the message!
85
Abbreviations should be avoided unless you are sure they will be understood by the
recipient. Here is a list of some more common abbreviations:
atm
b/c
b4
bfn
bol
bttp
btw
c/o
dl
hand
fyi
gtg
gl
iae
imo
pcb
pls
pov
pto
re
sit
tks
ul
At the moment
Because
Before
Bye for now
Best of luck
Back to the point
By the way
Care of
Download
Have a nice day
For your information
Got to go
Good luck
In any event
In my opinion
Please call back
Please
Point of view
Please turn over
Regarding
Stay in touch
Thanks
Upload
86
This means you attribute all the words to those who said them without quoting directly.
For example: I need to discuss this issue with my staff becomes:
David said that he needed to discuss the issue with his staff.
Minutes are designed to tell you what happened rather than what was said, so not every
word needs to be recorded. Normally it is sufficient to report only the main arguments
and conclusions on a given point. But what you do attribute to a speaker should be
reported accurately.
The first thing you have to do is convert your tenses. When describing what happened at
the meeting, the present tense becomes the simple past tense. I disagree becomes John
disagreed or John said that he disagreed.
When describing an event that happened before the meeting, you should use the past
perfect tense:
He came here yesterday and we spoke for a long time, becomes:
David said John had come to the office the day before and they had spoken for a
long time.
Notice how yesterday becomes the day before. Remember to convert pronouns (we >
they) and words relating to time and place, for instance: today > on that day; tomorrow >
the next day; here > there; this > that; now > then.
Questions are converted by using the verb ask and adding if or whether:
Can you all attend the ceremony tomorrow?
The Chairman asked if they could all attend the ceremony the next day.
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Formats for minutes vary as each organisation tends to develop its own style. However,
most minutes will at least contain:
1. Present
xxxxxxxx
2. Absent with Apologies
xxxxxxxx
3. Opening Remarks
xxxxxxxx
4. Confirmation of the Minutes of DATE
xxxxxxxx
5. Agenda
(Optional)
xxxxxxxx
6. MATTERS ARISING
i. Sub-heading One
xxxxxxxxxxx
ii. Sub-heading Two
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Summary Report
Instead of using said repeatedly when reporting spoken words, you should try to use
other verbs that convey the mood of the speaker more accurately. For example:
The Chairman said that they should be cautious becomes:
The Chairman urged them to be cautious or The Chairman urged caution.
Remember that some reporting verbs require an object after the verb, such as:
informed them / persuaded him / urged them / reminded her
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Confirm
Confer
Criticise
Deny
Describe
Disagree
Explore
Indicate
Inform
Insist
Maintain
Mention
Object
Point out
Propose
Promise
Praise
Recommend
Remind
Relay
Reveal
Report
Request
State
Suggest
Welcome
7.7 Be Concise
After you write your minutes, review them to see if you can make your sentences more
succinct. Take a look at these examples:
1.
A member opined that some staff members have taken prolonged sick leave
which had created additional workload to their colleagues, who were
required to provide coverage for them.
2.
The following sentences are better because they are more concise and idiomatic:
1.
One member said that prolonged sick leave taken by some staff members
created additional work for their colleagues, who had to provide cover.
2.
Councillors suggested.
90
91
92
For livelier writing, use the active form and personal pronouns
Satisfaction of these requirements must be achieved in order for a decision
to be reached by the board.
The applicant must satisfy these requirements before we can decide.
It was a most wonderful restaurant and none of us could resist the
temptation of the delicacies.
It was a wonderful restaurant. We could hardly resist the delicacies.
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Articles on famous restaurants always appeal to consumers. This time the eyecatcher is a restaurant highly recommended as a provider of inexpensive and
delicious food. Admittedly, none of us can resist the temptation of
delicacies. During a routine operation, I visited the said restaurant with a few
good friends and ordered for those appetising dishes. Can you imagine a job
so marvellous? In fact, some colleagues and I were just performing our duties
in disguise of a customer in this restaurant, acting on a complaint about
short weight of the food being supplied. Since the restaurant was suspected of
contravening the Weights and Measures Ordinance, we were there simply to
conduct an investigation and obtain evidence. Needless to say, we left with an
empty stomach in the end.
94
This writer introduces the work of the Weights and Measures Unit quite effectively
by grabbing the readers attention about good food in restaurants. This is more
interesting than starting with something like: The role of the Weights and Measures
Unit is to investigate
The mix of long and short sentences also sets an interesting pace. But the paragraphs
need to be shorter and more concise. There are also some problems with language use
and grammar.
Always ask: How can I interest my audience?
eye-catcher The opening lines are confusing. The first line refers to
newspaper articles about restaurants. The second line appears to continue this
theme: This time the eye-catcher is a restaurant. The eye-catcher here seems
to refer to a specific article about a restaurant. The third line changes subject and
the newspaper article theme is left hanging. So this opening does not work. If you
introduce a theme, you should bring it to a close. If you need to change subject,
make sure it flows from your earlier thought.
said. Avoid using words like said, aforementioned, above. This is dry
bureaucratic language.
ordered for. You order a dish but you can order for your friend (order on
behalf of).
some colleagues and I. Not incorrect but it sounds a little awkward. Instead:
My colleagues or a few of my colleagues.
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short weight. Use the article the. The general rule is that you use the article
for countable nouns. See the sample below.
Needless to say is redundant. Only use this expression for obvious statements. If
this article is aimed at an internal audience, where it is well known that you are
not allowed to eat food in restaurants that you are investigating, then it would be
acceptable.
Newspaper articles about good food always interest me. What caught my eye this week was
a review of a well-known restaurant. I went there only a few days ago and, it has to be
said, the food looked delicious. However, I wasnt there to eat.
It was a routine operation. Good friends on a lunch break. Naturally hungry, we ordered
plenty of dishes. But all was not as it seemed. We were working undercover, investigating
a complaint about food being served under the minimum weight required by law. After
gathering evidence, we left behind an array of very tempting dishes.
At the Weights and Measures Unit, it is normal practice to work undercover. Posing as
ordinary customers, we visit restaurants, shops and markets to investigate possible breaches
of the Weights and Measurements Ordinance. If we find evidence of wrongdoing, we issue
warnings or prosecute.
The Ordinance aims to protect consumers against fraudulent or unfair trading practices
96
You may associate speed, excitement, hill country, muddy ground, danger together at
(2)
appropriate pastime. You may have your motorcycle racing dream satisfactorily come true
safely
(3)
The training class of our motorcycling team can be claimed as the only one in Hong
Kong because usually individual coaching is provided in other places, thus the charges incurred
are much more expensive.
(4)
In mid-December last year, a mere 7 year old met with an accident in the practice
field of a cross-country motorcycle club in Fanling and died. This led to a mighty uproar. Some
fans of the cross-country motorcycle racing activity are of the opinion that maybe due to the
accident, the government becomes to hold a negative attitude towards cross-country
motorcycle racing activities.
(5)
During recent days, several local cross country motorcycle clubs have, one after the
other, received notification from the Planning Department that the land which they have been
using as a motorcycle practice field by them is now changed to farmland zoning. One of these
clubs expressed that such government action is really destroying a recreational activity that has
been developing quite well despite it is still in the germination stage.
(6)
fanatics of the cross-country motorcycle racing activity in Hong Kong have been, over the
years, practising at Fanling.
97
can be claimed. Avoid the passive if possible: is the only training class in
Hong Kong They claim it is the only They believe it is the only If you
have to use the passive, then try: is believed or is considered as they sound less
awkward.
thus. Thus and therefore are associated with more formal writing. They are
less common in newspaper articles or press statements.
met with an accident. Too many words. Use an action verb: crashed or the
more common had an accident or was involved in an accident if you do not
know the details.
becomes to hold a negative attitude. You cannot become to hold. You can:
become negative towards/to/about. Better ways to phrase this are:
The Government has begun to show its disapproval of
The Government has become more negative about
one after the other, activity, zoning and by them are all repeated or
unnecessary words in their contexts.
germination stage. This is not incorrect but the word is usually associated with
developing ideas. Instead: The activity is still in its early stages.
accident-related. This has been condensed to the point where it no longer reads
well. You should explain clearly what you mean. See the sample Less Literal
Alternatives below.
fanatics are extremists. The word has negative connotations. In this context,
suitable words include: fans, supporters, enthusiasts.
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(1)
OR: When you think about cross country motor-biking, speed, danger and mud all spring
to mind.
(2)
(3)
This is the only training class of its kind in Hong Kong. Other places provide
(4)
Tragedy struck last December when a seven-year-old boy crashed in the practice
field of a Fanling motor-biking club and died. There was uproar. Racing enthusiasts
believe the governments attitude towards cross-country motorbike racing has hardened
because of the accident.
(5)
Recently, the Planning Department notified several motor-biking clubs that the
derelict land they now use for racing would be re-designated as farmland. Many club
members are dismayed by what they see as Government plans to destroy a recreational
activity that had been developing so well.
(6)
Mr Wong, manager of HK Biking, the club where the accident occurred, said
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Useful Verbs
Achieves
Considers
Excels
Monitors
Retains
Accomplishes
Cultivates
Executes
Motivates
Serves
Acquires
Delegates
Exercises
Organises
Shows
Adapts
Delivers
Expands
Plans
Solves
Adheres
Demonstrates
Facilitates
Presents
Stimulates
Adopts
Deploys
Follows up
Prioritises
Strives
Anticipates
Deserves
Focuses
Processes
Surpasses
Applies
Develops
Foresees
Produces
Sustains
Assumes
Discharges
Fulfils
Projects
Thinks
Builds
Devises
Generates
Promotes
Tolerates
Combines
Devotes
Grasps
Pursues
Treats
Communicates
Displays
Keeps
Realises
Undertakes
Comprehends
Distinguishes
Maintains
Receives
Uses
Conceives
Employs
Manages
Recognises
Weighs
Conducts
Enforces
Maximises
Refrains
Widens
Creates
Encourages
Meets
Relates
Works
Copes
Ensures
Minimises
Reports
Writes
100
Omits; Fails; Avoids; Needs to; Needs to improve; Needs to show; Is expected to;
Requires; Is required to; Could do more to; Could improve.
You can construct a variety of negative comments by combining a positive verb (see
the Useful Verb list above) with a comparative: Could manage the budget more
efficiently by, Must cope better with stress, Needs to display greater
cooperation.
Positive Words
Able
Accurate
Achiever
Adaptable
Adept
Alert
Ambitious
Charismatic
Clever
Committed
Competent
Composed
Concise
Confident
Conscientious
Considerate
Consistent
Constructive
Creative
Decisive
Dedicated
Determined
Dependable
Diplomatic
Disciplined
Discreet
Eager
Efficient
Effective
Energetic
Enterprising
Enthusiastic
Exceptional
Flexible
Formidable
Forward-looking
Genuine
Good-natured
Good planner
Hands on
Helpful
Highly skilled
Honest
Impeccable
Industrious
Ingenious
Keen
Knowledgeable
Logical
Mature
Meticulous
Motivated
Observant
Open-minded
Optimistic
Outstanding
Patient
Persuasive
Positive
Productive
Professional
Proven ability
Prudent
Punctual
Rational
Respected
Perceptive
Popular
Practical thinker
Problem solver
Proficient
Prompt
Professional
Prudent
Purposeful
Realistic
Resourceful
Resolute
Respectful
Responsible
Rigorous
Self-assured
Self-confident
Self-reliant
Self-starter
Sincere
Solid achiever
Sophisticated
Strong performer
Successful
Success-oriented
Superb
Superior
Supportive
Tactful
Team player
Thorough
Trouble-shooter
Trustworthy
Versatile
Visionary
Well-liked
Well-informed
101
Effectively assesses
Engenders trust in
Can be counted on to
Can be relied on to
Exudes confidence in
Focuses on
102
Inspires other to
Is impeccably honest
Is an effective persuader
Projects confidence
Is always dependable
Is always polite
Is receptive to initiatives
103
Index
Categories of Correspondence, 20
Notices and Letters Providing Information,
20
Ceremonial Writing, 67
Faulty Plaque, 69
Introduction, 67
Language Use, 67
Sample Certificate, 72
Sample Invitation, 71
Sample Plaque, 71
Tips on Layout and Style, 68
Complimentary Closes, 18
Declining Letters, 62
Faulty Declining Letter, 63
General Tips on Layout, 62
Sample Decision Pending Letter, 66
Sample Declining Letter, 65, 66
Forms of Address, 12
Addressing groups, 17
Clergy, 14
Consular and Professional, 16
Foreign Honours, 16
Government, 12
HKSAR Honours, 15
Judiciary, 13
Language Use
Avoiding Emphatic Language, 47
Avoiding Jargon, 5
Be Concise, 90
Switching Personal Pronouns, 43
Layout Styles, 1
Dates, 4
Talk to the Reader, 6
Tips on Layout and Style, 7
Letter Styles
Block, 9
Indented, 8
Modified, 10
Simplified, 11
Letters of Acknowledgement, 44
Apologies, 45
Condolences, 46
Faulty Letter of Apology, 58
Faulty Letter of Congratulations, 55
Sample Congratulations Letters, 56
Sample Letter of Apology, 59
104
Latin, 3
Other abbreviations, 4
Salutations, 2
Titles, 2
Request and Demand Letters, 31
Faulty Demand Letter, 38
Faulty Demand Letter Language Use, 39
Faulty Request for a Favour, 36
Faulty Request Letter, 34
Faulty Request Letter Language Use, 34,
36
Invitations, 33
105