Becoming a Mentor: Will You Answer the Call?

a short study on how to mentor the next generation and those beginning their spiritual journey

~ by eLisa Pulliam

A Heart for the Next Generation

I always had a heart for encouraging younger gals and sharing lessons of life with them. Even as far back as high
school, I would take a few younger friends under my wing. Once I became a Christian in college, and returned
home, I settled into my church and began work with the youth ministry. Two years later, my husband and I began
living and working at a boarding school. Living in a dorm with 40 teenage boys from around the world made me
pretty desperate for gals of any age, so I snuck over to the girls dorm one night a week to “officially” supervise
study hours while seizing opportunities to mentor.

It was amazing to see how God took the heart I always wore on my sleeve and began using it to ministering to
these curious young women. Some of them came from broken homes and reckless relationships, full of fear
about their futures. Others came from well-caring families, but had real concerns about what would life would be
like in college and beyond. As a happily married twenty-something, I had credibility, so they naturally sought my
advice. I used those questions to share my testimony, which took our relationship to the next level by giving them
a piece of myself and opened the doors to trust my experiences and opinion.

Over the years, my testimony has often been the launching point of my mentoring relationships, but it doesnʼt stop
there. If we are walking with the Lord, there will always be a testimony to share-- whether it is about our
conversion or simple a story of Godʼs extravagant grace, forgiveness, power to heal, provision, or love. Our
stories set the backdrop for our mentoring relationships, giving a two-sided experience much richer than simply
teacher to student.

Why do I mentor?
As a mentor, I look for opportunities to encourage others as I journey through my walk with the Lord. I mentor my
daughters through encouraging them in Godly principles; my spiritual daughter by meeting her practical needs
and simply being available to love her as she needs; women at church through discipling those younger in the
Word even if they are older in years; and especially with teen girls that find their way to my couch and into my
heart.

Ultimately, I mentor others because I love Jesus. I do it because of what Christ has done in my life. It is truly an
opportunity to see God turn ashes into beauty again and again, using every hurt, disappointment, and painful time
for His glory. Yet we ought not to mentor for our own ego trip. Seeing beauty from ashes is of no work of our
own, but Godʼs gracious gift.

2010 All rights reserved by eLisa Pulliam • extragrace@gmail.com

This is intended for personal use only. Please do not distribute or copy with out permission.
www.extravagantgrace.net • http://refreshplace.blogspot.com
Most importantly, I hope to see the gals I mentor realize Godʼs purpose in each of their lives, and to live out His
potential, as they learn step by step to live according to His Word by the power of His strength and the comfort of
His love and grace.

What is mentoring?
Most women believe they are not qualified to be a mentor! Not true! If you love Jesus and have set your life to
live by the Bible, then you are qualified to mentor. Think of it in terms of being a trusted counselor or guide, and in
Christ, you are more than qualified to do just that!

As author Anne Ortlund writes about, we simply need to know “one more thing” in order to teach that thing. For
example, if we know John 3:16, we can turn to another and teach it. It may be only one powerful verse, but from
there we go back to our Bible and learn another to teach another.

We also need to be willing to share our hearts with others, which doesnʼt me broadcasting our sin and struggles
and trials from a loudspeaker throughout our neighborhood. However, we can share the struggles weʼve seen
the Lord overcome for us with those we mentor. The Lord simply wants us to do life together, one to another.

Mentoring is like a baton pass in a relay race involving generation to generation. As one woman
receives from the Lord, she in turn refreshes another who refreshes another. Mentoring is
extending out our hand, to their hand, to put it in Godʼs hand, who will in turn put it into anotherʼs
hand.

Mentoring is simple, if you think of it this way...

Meeting ...spending time together, as in “meet with one another” in whatever way the Lord leads

Encouraging ...lifting her another up with words and deeds that glorify God

Noticing ...paying attention to her life and asking questions to learn what is happening in her heart

Teaching ...sharing the Word of God and lessons of life your life for her benefit

Offering ...finding practical ways to serve her by offering your time, talents, and resources

Responding ...always speaking the truth (Jesus & Scripture) in love, while keeping healthy boundaries in place

Inspiring ...her by demonstrating what it looks like to live out the Gospel, surrendered and redeemed

Navigating ...helping her to find the course, especially the narrow gate along wide paths

Growing ...together in this relationship with each other and with the Lord

Mentoring Requires us to Ditch our Excuses and Embrace the Scriptures

Most women come up with an excuse as to why they canʼt mentor! They believe the lies of the Enemy instead of
the truth of Scripture! Itʼs time to shine some light and set you free to enjoy the blessing of being a being a

2010 All rights reserved by eLisa Pulliam • extragrace@gmail.com

This is intended for personal use only. Please do not distribute or copy with out permission.
www.extravagantgrace.net • http://refreshplace.blogspot.com
mentor.

1. But Iʼd be a hypocrite! Instead, follow Paulʼs example who followed Christʼs example!
It is natural to think that our past should dictate our future, but on the contrary. Our past gives lessons to be
learned for the benefit of others futures. However, if you find yourself in the midst of a trial, it is likely not a
good time to begin mentoring, even though God will use this experience for the benefit of someone in the
future (Romans 8:28). Instead of believing that you are a hypocrite, believe the truth that your mess has been
redeemed by the Savior. Compare yourself to Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:1, who said “Follow my example,
as I follow the example of Christ.” His life was a mess, but he became a great teacher and example for
others. He modeled his life after Christ, as we should, and thereby was able to mentor others.

2. But Iʼm too young! Even the young are called to set an example!
We are never too young to set an example and embrace the call to mentor, as Paul admonished to Timothy:
1 Timothy 4:12, “Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for
the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” We simply need to be striving to live out the
Gospel, not perfect it! Our age is not important, rather what we believe counts. Do we confess that that
Jesus Christ died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sin and has made a way for us to be with Him
eternally and right with the Father through His blood shed on our behalf (Romans 10:9-10, Ephesians 1)? Are
we willing to put to death our sinful nature and live by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:5)? If yes, than
we are well on our way to being able to mentor.

3. But I lack wisdom! Just ask God for wisdom!

Many of us feel we are too young and donʼt know enough yet. But God promises to work through us
regardless of our age or breath of understanding of the Scriptures. Our wisdom comes from above! James
1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding
fault, and it will be given to him.” The Message translation puts it this way, “If you donʼt know what
youʼre doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. Youʼll get his help, and he wonʼt be condescending
to when you ask for it.” We donʼt need to know all the answers off the top of our head. We simple need to
know where to find the answers from God and through the Scriptures. Mentoring will simply press you further
into the Word and your relationship with the Lord.

4. But it is not my gifting! We are all need in the body of Christ, and simply need to practice life
together!
It is true that God gives us each a different personality and spiritual gift. Some woman are great teachers,
others are great hostesses, and others fantastic at finding ways to help. However, mentoring isnʼt about how
our spiritual gift is used in the body, but rather how we are connected to the body (1 Corinthians 12:12-27). To
mentor simply means to live life, woman to woman, generation with generation, within the body of Christ,
sharing what we learn and passing it on. Paul describes how this looks in Philippians 4:8-9, “...whatever is
true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or
received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

2010 All rights reserved by eLisa Pulliam • extragrace@gmail.com

This is intended for personal use only. Please do not distribute or copy with out permission.
www.extravagantgrace.net • http://refreshplace.blogspot.com
 As we seek to live a Godly life, modeled after Biblical principles, we are being qualified by God to mentor
others -- as the LEARN, RECEIVE, HEAR, OR SEE in us--and put into practice in their own lives.

5. But it is not my call! If you are a woman, you are called!

Likely, the most famous passage on mentoring comes from Titus 2:3-5. In it, Paul writing to Titus offers
instructions on how we are to live and gives specifications for the example women are to set for other women.
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted
to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their
husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be
subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” What I love about this passage
is that the purpose of Paulʼs instruction is to give the Word of God itʼs due attention instead. With this
perspective in mind, we can honestly say that mentoring isnʼt really about us at all. It is about God and His
Word, and we simply have the opportunity and privilege to answer the call of setting an example for the
women in our lives -- older, younger, sister, mother, friend, and stranger alike.

How Do I Begin?
If you believe that Jesus is Lord and His Word is truth, and are willing to humble yourself before the Lord, you can
begin mentoring. All you need to do is...

1. Pray.
2. Study the Scriptures daily.
3. Be in a regular Bible study with other women and committed to the fellowship of your church.
4. Be under the authority of a spiritual leader, such as your Pastor, and be willing to be mentored by others
more mature than you spiritually (pray for the Lord to bring these women into your life).
5. Step out in faith by asking a young gal (in age or spiritual maturity) to get together for a cup of tea or
coffee, keeping the MENTORING list in mind.
6. Ask her about her life and pray for her during your time together.
7. Pray after your time together, asking the Lord to confirm whether this should be a mentoring relationships.
8. If you sense a yes from the Lord, invite her back again, and share with her your willingness to begin a
MENTORING (see the list above) relationship for a set period of time.
9. Be committed to praying for her!
10. Continue to seek the Lord in this mentoring relationship and be willing to follow His lead on any other
mentoring relationships He has planned for you!

You Might Also Consider ETC.

A unique approach to mentoring, which I do believe is open to all women of all
ages, is something Iʼve called “etc.”-- which stands for “Evening Tea & Chat.”
Once a week, I open my home for an hour-long time of chat! The girls come in,
grab a cup of tea or hot chocolate and assemble in the living room. I quickly
open in prayer followed by a short topic driven lesson -- simply 5-10 minutes on
anything from love, to forgiveness, to living a holy life.

2010 All rights reserved by eLisa Pulliam • extragrace@gmail.com

This is intended for personal use only. Please do not distribute or copy with out permission.
www.extravagantgrace.net • http://refreshplace.blogspot.com
While Iʼm talking, they grab an index card and fill out their questions, which can be topic-related or simply
something burning on their heart for an answer. We collect the cards casually, shuffle them together, and grab a
few to answer, always looking for ones we have a Biblical reference to back our explanation.

Iʼve been doing this with two other women and it is amazing to see Godʼs leading and provision. The girls are
thriving and growing in their faith tremendously, no matter what their relationship is with the Lord at this point in
time. Whatever questions we canʼt answer, we follow up with posting on a blog weʼve set up for them...or for
anyone needing such a resource! If you happen to wonder what questions are pressing on the hearts of young
women today, it is worth a visit: http://refreshplace.blogspot.com. And if you answer the call to mentor, Iʼm
sure the answers to our growing list of questions will become a treasure trove to you as well.

Are you ready?

I hope so. If you say yes to the call to mentor, be sure to drop me a line and let me know! Please donʼt hesitate
to send an email to Lisa at extragrace at gmail dot com. Be sure to drop by Extravagant Grace for a study on
Becoming Titus 2, which will provide you with plenty of inspiration on becoming a mentor. Of course, visit
Refresh, as well for all your mentoring needs!

2010 All rights reserved by eLisa Pulliam • extragrace@gmail.com

This is intended for personal use only. Please do not distribute or copy with out permission.
www.extravagantgrace.net • http://refreshplace.blogspot.com