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The Surprising Psychology of BDSM Players

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Both the book and movie versions of Fifty Shades of Grey
got a good deal right about erotic bondage-disciplinesado-masochism (BDSM). But Fifty Shades also got one
thing horribly wrong: It depicts the dominant (dom, top)
Christian Grey as the product of horrendous child abuse
and implies that it propelled him into BDSM. In other
words, Fifty Shades plays into the widely held belief that
those involved in BDSM are psychologically damaged if
not pathological.
However, the research shows that people into BDSM are
psychologically healthy and no more likely to have
suffered child abuse or sexual trauma than anyone else. In fact, a recent Dutch study shows that compared with
the general population, in some ways BDSMers just might be psychologically healthier.
What the Books Got Right
Communication. Before Grey lays a hand on his sub, Anastasia Steele, they discuss in great detail how
they want to play. This is quite typicaland a foundation of BDSM. Dom/sub play opens a huge realm of
possibilities, and doms and subs discuss them at length, revealing their fantasies and hearing the other
persons. In fact, some BDSMers consider these discussions the most intimate element of their play.
Negotiation of limits. Grey presses Steele on her personal limits, the hard boundaries she cant conceive
of crossing, and the soft ones that she might cross under the right circumstances. Both players declare
their limits, and pledge to respect the others. As a result, BDSM is play, not abuse.
Safe words. Grey tells Steele that if she feels at all uncomfortable at any time, she is always free to invoke
their safe word (for example red light"). Upon hearing it, doms pledge to cease all play immediately and renegotiate the scene. Safe words mean that, ironically, the person ultimately in control of BDSM scenes is
the sub.
Contracts. Grey hands Steele a proposed contract governing their play and they discuss it point by point.
Steele agrees to some clauses, modifies others, and nixes a few. Not all BDSM players codify their
negotiations in written contracts, but many do.
Intimacy. Steele is surprised by how intimate BDSM play feels, and how emotionally close it brings her to
her lover. Aficionados say they believe that BDSM produces a depth of intimacy beyond whats possible in
ordinary (vanilla) sex.
Author E.L. James captures these aspects of BDSM activity quite well. Unfortunately, shes poorly informed about
its psychology.
BDSM Players Are Psychologically Healthy
For their recent survey, Dutch researchers solicited participants via the Netherlands largest BDSM web forum,
and 902 people answered all questions (51 percent men, 49 percent women). For a control group, the
researchers used Dutch womens magazines and news media to recruit participants, and 434 people answered all
questions (30 percent men, 70 percent women).

The questions probed many aspects of personalityagreeableness, attachment, conscientiousness, anxiety,

introversion/extroversion, neuroticism, need for approval, comfort with interpersonal closeness, openness to new
experiences, and subjective well-being. In general, doms and subs scored about the same as members of the
control group, indicating that theres nothing fundamentally unusual about those into this type of play. But
BDSMers were actually somewhat less neurotic than others. They were also slightly more conscientiousness,
more extroverted, and (not surprisingly) more open to new experiences. For overall well-being, doms scored
higher than either subs or controls.
The researchers concluded:

BDSM practitioners are not psychologically maladapted, but rather characterized by psychological
strength and autonomy. Our data do not support the persistent assumption that BDSM is
associated with inadequate developmental attachment processes because of a history of trauma
or for other reasons. BDSM should be considered a form of recreation rather than the expression of
psychopathological processes.

Corroborating Evidence
The Dutch study is not the only one showing that those who enjoy BDSM are psychologically normal and healthy:
Australian researchers surveyed 19,370 individuals in that country and found that the 2.2 percent of men
and 1.3 percent of women who participated in BDSM were psychologically healthy, and no more likely than
anyone else to have been victims of childhood trauma or sexual abuse or coercion.
Scientists at the University of Illinois took saliva samples from 58 people before BDSM play, measuring
cortisol, a key stress hormone. After a BDSM session, the researchers took new saliva samples, and found
decreased cortisol levels, showing that BDSM reduced players emotional stress. The researchers
concluded that far from being abusive, BDSM made participants feel more comfortable and increased
intimacy.
If youre into romance fiction, enjoy Fifty Shades of Greyand if you find its BDSM titillating, that's fine, too. But
dont generalize Christian Greys history of child abuse to BDSM practitioners in general. BDSM is neither abusive
nor about violence or pain. Its just another way for consenting adults to play, and those who do are not perverted,
but rather a snapshot of the general population.
References
Richters, J. et al Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in Bondage and Discipline,
Sadomasochism, or Dominance and Submission (BDSM): Data from a National Survey, Journal of Sexual
Medicine (2008) 5:1660.
Sagarin, B.J. et al. Hormonal Changes and Couple Bonding in Consensual Sado-Masochistic Activity, Archives
of Sexual Behavior (2009) 38:186.
Wismeijer, A.A.J., and M.A.L.M. Van Assen. Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners, Journal of
Sexual Medicine (2013) 10:1943.