Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
and Fear
PaulA.Hauck
Fear
Overcoming
Worry and Fear
by
PAUL
A.
HAUCK
w
THE WESTMINSTER PRESS
Philadelphia
Copyright
Hauck, Paul A.
fear.
Tide.
616.8'52'06
BF575.F2H3
ISBN 0-664-248 11-X
74-20629
This one
who
is
for
taught
my fearful clients
me a great deal about
courage
Contents
Preface
1.
2.
The Psychology
of Fear
21
3.
of Fear
26
4.
5.
Overcoming Fears
6.
Pitfalls to
Recovery
7.
Putting
All Together
Glance
It
at
53
78
90
39
11
Preface
This book
problems.
Now we come
to fear,
is
is
which
It
its
think
has a
way
presence
common.
is
is
of clinging to a
actually felt for
An individual can
this mood will leave
Anger can
One can
lifetime,
of course
however,
even a feeling of
feeling or
flare
quickly.
badly,
or later
down
all
is
true,
the person
the time.
as
just
be angry or depressed
for a
not
is
fear of doing
up
life.
It
may
not hurt as
much
as
will
be
it
there
we
ourselves
to
to
or
accomplish very
little
that
However, even
others.
is
if
beneficial
we have
we are
Fear, however,
talent
and humiliation.
In short, fear can be devastating in a special way that
anger and depression cannot. It is an extremely common
failure
emotion.
Since
all
many
lives,
mally.
Either
way you
will gain
an understanding of what
If you
want counseling, you will be that much better
prepared to profit from it. Be bold, be daring, and read on.
You are about to enter a world of serenity and inner peace
that you may never have known before.
then
10
A Glance
at
Fears
lives
exposed to these
life
perils.
The
Fear of Socializing
socializing.
who can do
all
One
it
of the most
comes
small talk.
all
terrify
If
when
and making
you think
this
way
life is
too,
going
be empty.
11
became
so desperate
that
socializing
at the
to
view of himself it
was hard for others to hold a positive view of him.
If you give others the impression you are not worth
talking to, they sense your discomfort and tend to leave you
alone. This is exactly the opposite of what you need and
want. If people were more considerate, they would recognize your insecurity and make a point of talking to you or
seeking you out rather than making you seek them out.
However, this is not the way human nature is. People do
socialize.
not
come
person
As long
as
he held
this negative
sit
all
People do not
home. Rather, they let him
he is too afraid to overcome it.
out his
life in
loneliness
Socializing successfully
12
is
if
who
larly bright, or
who have
is
still
they had
a sense of self-esteem,
them
in.
would
spoil the
might have
in her.
hurt more?
because she had spoiled the evening for herself and ended a
potentially
relationship?
fine
kinds of pain.
One
afraid of.
that.
doing an activity
is
pain connected
with avoiding an
recognized
fellows
how
this,
Had
Betty
who were
13
practice
When
it.
how
men
to live
she was
and deal
with one.
All the while this
was going
much
envied
the great success her friend Judy was having with her boy
that she
was a pretty
knew
to do to get the
same kind of success that Judy had, but she wouldn't do it.
The net result was that Betty found herself quite lonely
listening to Judy's exploits while she herself had nothing to
Betty
sensible.
exactly
report.
No
how hard
matter
possible for
more
you
to
interesting social
life
know how
to
pursue
14
it
or
was
afraid
to
"Where
your wife?"
is
When he
sometime?"
"Why
he was
not call
me
Fear of Ridicule
This
is
people.
happy
It
tended to stay
at
home
and being
girl
was
as
who
afraid
it
when
to
do any dating
it
weight.
own mental merry-goShe didn't lose weight so she got depressed and
didn't date. Had she dated often enough, she might not
have minded the extra weight or she might have felt so
good eventually that she would have gotten the energy to do
So there she was, stuck on her
round.
the dieting.
But
this
By
maintain that
ridiculed in the
Which
first
place.
this girl
observations of
many
other psychotherapists,
common
failure.
at least
of the time,
all
of the
time.
The
fear
16
if
fear of
These two
them almost
and the
some
clear that
it is
fail
of rejection
failure.
is
People are
might be
they do.
was the
made Jim
quiver
Whenever he
pop the question he would get nervous and so
afraid of being turned down that he would keep the
question to himself and go home with all his lovely speeches
unspoken. Apparently they were exceptional speeches. He
had months in which to make up fantastically romantic
statements to his girl friend and to make that moment of
proposal a memorable one. Instead, when he finally got
nerve enough to do it after months of waiting he lost his cool
and simply blurted out, "Well, are we going to get married
or aren't we?"
Then there was Louise. She went through the sort of
thing that can happen when you are afraid of hurting
someone's feelings. Pat, her older girl friend, was often kind
enough to baby-sit for her. Louise used Pat so constantly to
every time he tried to propose to his fiancee.
was about
sit
to
mother
knew
it
Pat
most frightening
way. When Louise wanted her child to wear a certain suit,
or to play with certain children, Pat would object strongly,
and she frequently had her way until Louise began to see
what was happening. She then stood up for herself even
though it would cost her the friendship. But this was not
accomplished until Pat had actually suggested that Louise
allow her to adopt the child. It was at this point that the
mother simply did not care how hurt her friend might be.
She stood up to her and forbade her to baby-sit any longer
and simply ended the relationship. But it was fear of
hurting this woman in the first place which allowed the
whole matter to get so drastically out of hand.
The fear of rejection and the fear of failure were
combined in a most unique way in the case of Rose, who
was laughed at sarcastically once during the sexual act with
her husband. Thereafter she turned very cold toward him
and simply could not perform spontaneously. The marriage
role of a
in a
17
even
in the
ten years.
handshake
18
knew
In
it.
all
all
we
however,
to realize,
fails
The
do.
is
and being
We
still
not
They
that
think, as
if
It is
some persons
in the
But
this
is
not
so.
19
it
will not
still
be that
essential,
is
Then what
thing
is
is
important in
this life?
and
because he
The
truly important
When someone
may
hates you
kill
you.
you. Therefore
think
number
common
problems.
Work
overcome the
then practically all you have
if
you learn
to
and rejection,
overcome is your fear of wildebeests attacking you,
the polar caps melting, and Halley's comet landing in your
fear of failure
left to
backyard.
20
KNOW
OF
NO
SET
OF
TERMS
IN
PSYCHOLOGICAL
that
we
speeches as often as
farther,
and nervousness.
It is
truly
amazing
we need
to
we
do.
we go any
of how these
Therefore, before
Fear
When
know what
example,
slowing
if
this
is
we
fears).
Anxiety
When
you do not know what you are afraid of, you are
experiencing anxiety. Suppose that one afternoon you are
told that business in your shop is slow and that some workers
will be laid off. Later in the day you become tense. But you
are not aware that it is the news you received earlier which
has made you tense. We would call that feeling anxiety.
Anxiety can work like fear in that one can be anxious over
literally anything, even anxiety itself. But always remember
that anxiety is an unconscious state, never a conscious one.
This is not always agreed upon in psychological literature,
and I am here taking some liberties by choosing to define
anxiety in my own terms. However, because there has been
so much confusion on the issue in the past, I feel that some
order
is
called for.
am
from a cause of
which you are aware, and anxiety as a feeling of threat from
a cause of which you are not aware.
specifically
and only
as a feeling of threat
Phobia
phobia
is
when you do
know what
It
occurs
it is
that
have.
want
all
you have
is
to
came
me
to
do now
terrified
when
have
woman who
nervous young
apartment. Even
your fear of
to avoid
might
she
that
moved
new
into a
make
sure that
there
worm
outside on the
it
took a great
and
things
I
to
and go
down
all
her
were a
fear.
lizards,
That
is, I
instructed her to go to
university
while
it
and
further
appeared
as
For a
then
finally
occurred to
meant
all
me
that perhaps
we were
would have
not
This
to represent
23
something
was
It
else she
I
had
terrified of,
to look for
important to make
is
literature
suggests
that
this
distinction
because the
or
This
who
who
know something about
to say
is
what
is
is
nonsensical, for
saucer?;
me
24
this
are
afraid
to
odd
it
anything to
fear.
But
if
were
symbolically represented
me when
my Aunt
Tillie,
who once
scalded
they seldom
he
is
afraid of but
example,
am
he
the time.
The
matter
fish,
it,
thinks about
it all
I,
for
them
upon the feared
upon
rest.
He
dwells
it.
we have
(fear,
fear.
is
also symbolic
(phobia).
25
Millions
of Fear
of
that
people
afraid because
situation.
airplane
believe
they
become
being told by a physician that they have cancer and will die
within three months also has to make them afraid. Being in
a war, being held
up on the
street,
these are
all
thought to be the
was caused
Now, however,
we have come
to us.
and
that
is
events.
Let's suppose a
worker named
Watch
Tom
is
approached by
out."
This
his
late several
26
of
and
that's awful."
lose
my job, and
We
To do
"Oh, oh,
Or he might
this
it
Tom would
have to
am
going to
that
two
We
can
statements being
made
in
might lose
we
his job,
Tom
and
first
half
of
each of these
might certainly be
his boss
in trouble,
he
is
it
automatically disturbed.
The kind
he
will
become
nervous,
worried,
fearful,
or
anxious.
fouling
27
from
fired
I'm no good."
this job.
expect him to
In this case
we would
of his guilt
and
self-blame.
On
he
I
is
Tom
work twice
as
does he think he
mood.
But suppose
it.
me and
We
is?"
"Where does he
else
around here, so he
threaten to
fire
me.
Tom
were
to say:
Who
Tom would
think
quite
can't stand
say:
for
hard as anyone
shouldn't complain to
become
might
me
this
my job
will
least.
The
interesting
make
way we
ing to
is
the
talk to ourselves
am
attempt-
We
are never
made
depressed,
by the
no
one has ever angered you, depressed you, or made you
nervous in your whole life once you grew past the age of
childhood. Children do not have the capacity to think
clearly and logically and, therefore, they are at the mercy of
the adults who can directly upset them with their talk and
gestures. However, as adolescents or adults we have the
angry, or fearful
way we
to us, only
means
that
which they
are.
adolescence or adulthood,
ourselves.
us.
28
The events
Whenever we
it is
that
always
happen
we who
are upsetting
proposed by Albert
Ellis,
emotive psychotherapy.
to us every day.
theory of emotions
stands for
ABC
what we
C
C
we have
tell
is
ourselves about
terrible
when my
we
Therefore,
psychology.
if
is
a great deal
you can be
But
It states
to
29
it
is
a catastrophe, you
you.
is
be
What
is
as afraid of
happens
that the
to
when they
people
whole operation
loses
spontaneity.
it
Many
gets.
Sex
is
much
we worry
own if we
normally on their
fairly
attention to them.
may begin to
much about what happened to him
so
Now
mind
is
time.
his
that
he
fails.
of molehills
A young
lady
is
the
once
made
31
she
became
by being
afraid of
People
in the process of
unpleasant.
Then they
This
is
start out
is
initial
being
quite
thing
their
afraid.
street.
was going
to
kitchen knives
away
in
twenty years. She was initially afraid years ago that she
might die during childbirth. Her child was delivered well
enough and it was a healthy baby, but she did not forget the
fear she had while she was afraid of dying. She was afraid
about
it
she
became
"But why can't you? You've been having this thing for
twenty years and you still haven't lost your mind. Why
should the next time drive you insane?"
32
"Well,
it
"Hardly.
You
had one
it?"
to three of these
we
figure
it
comes
Now
if
you
certainly can't
really a vicious
time?"
"But doesn't
this
lips.
We
find
their minds.
On
"Then you're
if I
just don't
am
pay
suggesting
is
if
33
didn't
disap-
pear.
is
it.
going to
last just so
it
it
next time you have one of these anxiety spells, look at your
much
thing as
likelihood
all
it
did yesterday.
fact that
become
am
less
it is.
as possible
number
of minutes, just as
and
it
will eventually
less tense."
Fear of Death
least
many
I
other dangers.
shall
woman came
that
34
jittery.
her hands
when
life
my
into
office.
She was certainly endangered every time she did that, but it
never occurred to her to feel panicky over that possibility.
Her bedroom was located over the furnace and it never
occurred to her that she was in some danger that the
furnace might blow up.
The
possibility of
choking to death
it
bother her.
Unconscious Fears
The type
of fears
are
Dealing with an unconscious fear requires corrective measures that are not called for
fears.
It is
when
first
Then
why he
a person
is
place.
is
she
is still
becomes
heads
very upset
if
tearful
off
her bed.
To overcome
dolls
really
by
herself.
go no farther than
this.
upon
a doll with
its
head
she becomes so
How
can
we
understand
this
would have
to
be exposed
first
fear.
Furthermore
is
it
is
quite
in this case
we
who might
to look for
if
she
of this problem.
Simply because a fear has existed for years does not mean
be unconscious.
the difference between a conscious and a truly
unconscious fear (such as Ms. Baker had), let us look at the
case of Ms. Wood. During her childhood she was always
bested in competition by her older sister. Eventually both
that
it
will
To show
sisters
married.
They
husband
Notice
now
died,
and
that this
it
is
Wood was
long-standing one.
36
Ms.
been, and she had no reason to believe that she would not
be the
loser again in a
sister.
Some
fears
man
in a
bathroom when she was about two years old. She developed
fears of bathrooms after that and would never lock the
bathroom door for fear that she might be locked in with
someone. Nor can she be around old men or go into places
where she might be accosted by one. It troubles her to go
up dark staircases or to be alone in her apartment. She has a
gun to protect her and two dogs besides. However, none of
these protections is enough to settle her nerves. She still has
a fear that older
One
men
entirely different
men
e.g.,
a desire to
to relax
feeling of confidence
38
A
is
NEUROTIC,
AS
ALBERT
a nonstupid person
SUCCINCTLY
ELLIS
who behaves
PUT
IT,
This means
stupidly.
if
neurotic.
being attacked by a
by an
airplane,
You may
and
lion,
shot
it is
by a
firing
squad, or
bombed
so on.
Although
see no sense
to
getting
die.
Granted that
it is
difficult
not to
hope
would be able
to
do something
39
in a rather
situation itself
is
desperate.
It
is
something
rattled
would
become completely
where to hide
at the lion
but
hysterical
and
and
and might
likely
neurotic
injure myself.
I would be dying a
would be on the verge of an emotional
breakdown when in fact I hadn't even been touched. This is
in
fact
thousand times.
think
it is
sensible
and proper
to
to
overconcern.
And how
demands one
are
we
When
concern
is
How We
usually good.
Learn to Be Afraid
us
a big dog, to
40
when we
blade.
process of disobeying,
were warned
we
If
we
we
against.
something
it,
it
is
if
it,
dwell upon
it,
constantly.
The idea
of using our
own
neurotic
is
not at
and disturbing
all
strange to our
own ways of
Everyone does this and has seen
However, what is not generally so widely
it.
41
appreciated
way
is
that
many people
to control others.
persons
who
same
them to
them because of what will make them suffer.
expect others to make exceptions and excuses for
are afraid expect the people around
They
them
also
terrified
How
persuaded
completely
over again.
42
We
One
in
Our Fears
afraid of.
is
that
Some
we
of us
She was
Mullens.
we
illustration of just
how
inconsist-
is
However,
she felt terrified of taking automobile trips during bad
weather. She had seen a bad accident one night and was
afraid to drive when it was dark from that time on.
This same woman, however, is a policewoman and has to
deal with some rather dangerous characters. She has been
shot at, swung at, and threatened, and has taken it all
calmly. In one instance a young man threw her up against
the wall and threatened her with a knife. She walked away
from the entire incident completely undisturbed.
in
most respects a
fears.
demonstrate
just
how we
how we
regard them.
stability in ourselves
Tend
One
to
make
It is difficult to
when we
Fears
it
can
easily serve to
how
it is
Spread
think fear
is
unhealthy
is
that
43
in
if
you tend
nothing
is
to the point
forget
fear
where he
practieally paralyzed.
is
the case of a
shall
never
a hand-washing
she gave in to
it
not
move
lest
Another
would have
to scrub the
garment.
moment
she
If
through.
Or
if
his
She made so much of this that at times it was difficult for her
house and attend to her affairs downtown.
to leave the
44
The
Fruits of Fear
1.
Inferiority.
It is little
An
inferiority
com-
Therefore,
2.
good
as others,
is
shyness.
degree that they can't even look other people in the eye.
3.
ment
develop more
fears.
This
is
is
the develop-
afraid of things,
you
45
which
starts
It
can then develop into fears that you don't even know the
cause of. That's the start of an anxiety reaction.
One young
knew
if
hadn't
known about
that she
was a
virgin,
and
it.
comments
46
It
way
she at
first
it
in the sensible
suggested.
when
it
and
also.
felt especially
intimidated while
Math was
the one
teacher answered
all
At her next
whole issue and
with
me
Sue brought up
this
she
if
it.
fear,
guilt.
why
since she
how
times
in the
world does
was the
teacher's
explain
the
if it
material.
suggested that
teacher.
my
it
to expect a
client
if it
took longer than the teacher liked that was too bad.
Somewhat
to
my
surprise,
Sue
faithfully followed
my
47
class
for
being so dense
in
She
math.
said,
Sue said
failure.
and
if
and she
fully
would
try a seventh
and an
in six
eighth,
it
to her in a patient
make every
is
truly
Sometimes
not.
effort
an objectionable
in our zeal to
human beings we go so
common sense and act in
far
guilt.
is
we
lose our
Ms.
surprised the
woman
woman
was
finally realized,
Much
to
When
that
do with the friend any longer. She had overcome her fear of
being assertive by standing up for her rights and not feeling
guilty over the need to be firm.
48
Compulsions. Persons
5.
develop compulsions.
who have
compulsion
is
other times
it
something of
monumental
issue.
remove the
When
guilt
first
a compulsion
is
is
usually necessary to
it
involved, however,
it
is
important
The thought of his being imperfectly dressed simply frightened him so much that he became ridiculously compulsive
about his looks. The same was true of his reading and
writing habits. If he thought he had read a sentence aloud
incorrectly, had failed to pause at a comma, or had not
properly inflected when he came to a question mark, he
would read
it on the
he wrote a sentence and was not sure of the
punctuation, he simply could not proceed until he was
stage.
it
When
was
in perfect order.
49
reflections.
by
He
got to
all
evening on a few
sentences.
6.
Homosexuality.
It is
frequently homosexuality
is
how
who is a homosexual is so
be a heterosexual, but in a good many
cases this is so. In my own experience I have found that the
development of certain homosexuals goes something like the
following: the child has a poor model to copy for his or her
own sexual role. A boy, for example, may have a father who
drinks and chases women and has no close feeling for the
because he
50
is
mean
that everyone
afraid to
boy.
The
up
at his father
and say
is
awful, and
if
being a
You
man
means
do
is
may
work on
say,
cars, or treat
man because
all
he can
"No, thanks."
that
he
is
sissy,
his
mother
is
to
men
in his life
do certain
things,
chooses to be homosexual.
sexual roles
sive,
He
still
should
know
if
he
that cultural
and that
is
If
frightening one
it
52
Overcoming
Fears
overcome
If
fears.
practically possible to
as fearless as
of
all
to
be a risk-taking person.
Risk-Taking
Unless you are willing to take a chance and to expose
have very
little
risks.
apprehension.
This risk-taking
is
easily
understood
when
it
comes
to
also
unnerving
risks
we have
to take
53
when
this relationship.
make
so
tell
him
much
of the
to
little
time she
would go on
for a
keep
felt
this
silent
and
to
way
forever.
She
finally told
into silence.
him
He
off,
it
and
quickly
54
him
in his dealings
with
the children.
She
When
lost
violent, she
could
call
the police.
became
fearful of
being turned
down
all.
By taking the
nothing.
risk,
it
seems
remember about
risk-taking: to take risks frequently means that you will
succeed sometimes. Never to take risks means that you
almost never succeed. Which course of action should you
to
me,
is
One
take?
success,
As low
may
as the former
be,
it
is
latter.
The
first
is
making
to stop
it is
is
impossible or unreasonable
to pay.
"It Is
More Important
to
Do
important statement.
until
activity.
It is
is
Do
Well."
means
It
your performance
than to
that
it is
a very
to wait
It
is
virtually
time you
56
try.
Of
first
we have
all
mastered,
first
How
nonsensical!
To remedy
that
practice
makes perfect
More appropriate
is
is
not
really
Our
quite
we must emphasize. If
we have not mastered something yet, we are really saying
that we have not practiced it enough. To master an activity,
we have to (a) practice it; (b) examine the performance to
find out where we are lacking; (c) change; and (d practice
it again. We will eventually get to the point where we are
the master." This
is
continually
activity better
If
we do
build
and
better.
up enormous
fears.
For example,
if
we
you
automatically
feel
awkward
57
at parties
how
to
make
light chatter
to
Fundamentally
believing
into
fearsome
we become
that
we ought
afraid
by talking ourselves
because something
to think
about
it,
is
focus
dangerous or
upon
it,
dwell
upon
this
it,
us.
When my
58
is
which are a great deal worse than the ones they are
presently focusing upon. If they are to be consistent about
their fears, then they will worry about airplanes dropping on
them or atomic bombs going off, about being poisoned by
botulism, or being shot or robbed on the street.
This is the kind of discussion I once had with a young
fellow who had invested about $7,000 in a business and was
rightly afraid that he might lose it. He was by no means
wealthy. He had taken most of his savings and speculated
rather rashly. It was small wonder, therefore, that he
thought of this night and day. It was beginning to affect him
physically and he was worried and depressed.
I was finally able to show him that the $7,000 might very
well go up in smoke, but that it was hardly the end of the
world. He was a young fellow and would see another $7,000
certainly before too many years rolled by. Furthermore he
had profited enormously by this foolish venture because he
was probably a great deal wiser as a result of his experience.
Most of all he still had his health and his job, and he would
only be out a sum of money which he could probably recoup
in a number of years. Still, he clung to the idea that this was
a terrible thing that had happened to him and that he ought
to think about it and worry over it and fret upon it all the
time. For some weeks he remained totally unchanged.
Finally I got him to think vigorously about his idea that he
ought to be upset simply because something unpleasant was
happening to him. Only when he recognized this as a
upset.
The
point
is
have a right
why?
Why
happen
to
60
this
relief.
If
it.
it is
impossible
direction at a time.
Therefore,
if I
Exposure
All too often
it is
number
life
taking
his
first
flight.
of fears
which
in addition
United States
in
my
travel
civilian career as a
graduate student,
62
this training
Relaxation Techniques
When some
to
this
is
desirable.
their feeling
is
In fact,
more
it
upset,
happening.
is
whereby the
a technique
twice
mantra
upon. As his mind wanders onto the cares of the day he has
back
to focusing
number
of
relaxed individuals.
In
all
likelihood this
is
effective
because
it
permits the
he
is
wonder
if
i.e.,
it
very
little
in
you relief.
At night, when you are ready for bed, a good way to
relieve your tensions would be to lie down in a comfortable
position and relax your entire body in one of two ways. The
give
63
first
time and
tell
it
to relax.
When
that part
is
relaxed,
at
move
down
to the ear, the cheeks, the nose, the eyes, the lips, the
and
chin,
on
so
The second
body
in the
all
the
same way
the muscles
way down
to the toes.
first
as in the previous
Then go on
The
Back-off
person
Tendency
who
still
already mastered
If
it.
is
He
usually
will
tend
you were
to
would imply
that
he
is
now
it.
64
attractive she
He
it.
The
is
very
much
like
dad is
prevent him from
One
overcome a
fear
is
to face the
65
The impact
time.
it
can work
be so great that
and
make
reverse
you ten times more afraid
in
to face
is
at a distance
it
and a
way
little bit at
to face a
a time.
if
You
you take
in small doses.
child
who
Though
this
sometimes
become
become unmanageable if forced to
face their fears all at once. Or suppose a child wanted to
overcome his fear of school. It would be much more
sensible for him to ride around the school on his bike. Then
works,
it is
he did that
after
for a
into the
hallways and
might visit
and chat a bit with some of the people present. After this he
might go to his classes for very short periods of time, with
the understanding that he could leave whenever he felt very
uncomfortable.
As
this
is
in the
little bit
this
way he could
one
class for
more
fear.
classroom for
if
necessary to
in
In one case
feared.
ble.
He had been
told to leave
However, he managed
to a class that
when he
felt
he
uncomforta-
by
have happened
if
stay.
to
make
progress slowly.
How
to
is
Overcome Catastrophizing
to
is
awful or
terrible,
or that
become
you are
disturbed. If
secondly,
if
we
And
we
even
if it is
we had
better
67
tion
there
is
really
no need
to
become
terribly disturbed
over
it,
is
occurring.
either
crisis,
Fortunately most of
all,
much
We
better.
is
come
usually
we
thought
what happened
to realize that
was ordered
to
his family
it
were highly
When
would be
he got
and
living
He
members of
educated and had traveled a lot. The
men he encountered
During
go to his draft
came from
are not in
socializing with,
we
initially.
all
were unsophisti-
He began
years.
John took
this
He
nearly
going to
kill
me
if I
company
68
that
you don't
sessions with
why
like?
can't
done
don't see
you can't do
that
it's
But
it.
going to
if
kill
intelligent."
whenever
really think
"But
that's
Army
go bananas."
only because you keep telling yourself
I
in
just
it's
so
awful."
"But
it is
awful.
I just
know
I'll
just
go nuts
if I
have to be
inducted."
My
immediate response to
this
because you think you have no choice and that you have to
be upset about
it."
"No.
Why
"Yes,
maintain
it
is
when
69
frightened of
it."
enemy without
artillery
losing
my
nerve
becoming
or
terribly
panicky?"
"Of course
history
men
possible.
it's
Don't
tell
me
that throughout
and downright
themselves.
every day,
fear.
You
when
lost control of
you have
to
do
is
live
around a few
And
that's hardly
a comparison.
If
two
years.
wholly impossible thing out of being inducted and convinced yourself neurotically that just because you don't
something that
it's
like
As
it
how
come
to pass at
we worry
is
another example
all.
how
70
to
"Lump
responded,
By
meant
this I
stronger
the
it
it."
that the
would
get.
but to ignore
it,
at
simply to accept
it
as
it
it if
feeling.
At
first this
her.
began
to feel.
It
come back,
especially
if
she saw a
father.
should
get
upset about
all
anybody.
What
man
it
would
at the store
who
it?
It isn't
awful.
It isn't
make
going
have a
feeling that I'm half nude? That's my neurotic problem.
And if I don't make a big deal out of it, no one else will
know about it. So I'll just go ahead and ignore the whole
thing and buy my tomatoes."
to kill
This
neurotic
is
what
extent that
we
it
if I
essentially
symptoms
difference does
The more we
get.
On
71
less
us.
to
Instead,
line.
down and
for reverses as
whom
shall
call
if
knew
that she
would
was
feel a lot
a volunteer.
So
risk rejection,
72
woman
an elderly
and prove
to herself
risk failure,
that she
is
and a plea
for
tried to reassure
my
life
of
This
is
a normal
anyone overcoming a
was acting
in
an
many
labor market
quite necessary that she face the issue rather than avoid
73
it.
Spontaneous Recovery
is
it
seems
that
to
go on the dance
silly.
took the
it
first
floor
This fear
may assume
just as
and you
may come
bad
that
as
it
it
you
ever
again as
time.
realize
when
symptom
returns sponta-
74
is
that
Nothing succeeds
like success,
find
that
each time
is
it
bill
of goods so that
you
will feel
make matters
Reward
worse.
or Penalize Yourself
75
how
to
than four or
the effort,
five people).
When
new
shirt,
or a fine bottle of
you
will
be
fair
Rational-Emotive Imagery
danger.
For example, a
a divorce but
is
afraid
When
it
it
at its
images.
First,
76
new
through an event as
etc.
In
realistically as she
Dr.
it
at the
Maxie Maultsby
(of
77
Pitfalls to
Even
Recovery
steps to
in
Counseling
manner
Whatever embarrassing
and imperfections you may have
of suffering.
78
the truth about yourself will affect you. But this too
is
a sad
so certain that
and begin
when they
start to talk
about themselves
nonsense
this
is!
decent citizens
try to
make
is
not
The idea
that's going to
that there
come
is
out in
realistic.
How much
as possible.
little
in their souls
who
offend others as
let lie
way because
suffer
they were
literally
them taught
how to be
be scared, how
angry and depressed. You have been learning those lessons
all your life and most of you have been rather good students.
The real problem is that you had poor teachers, not that
there was anything seriously wrong with you. When you go
to counseling, you are asking to be taught more sensible
lessons than you learned in the past. This means that
therapy can become an extremely exciting and uplifting
experience in which you can finally have all the neurotic
junk cleaned out. Shortly after you enter therapy you may
find yourself feeling more relieved than you ever thought
possible. For example, if you have blamed yourself most of
your life and thought that you were worthless because you
didn't live up to your parents' expectations, you might find
the therapist telling you that you have every right in the
world to still think well of yourself even if you know you
disappointed your parents. How can that be a frightening
experience? How could you not like being told that you are
a worthwhile person no matter what you have done? This is
the kind of healthy and uplifting help one gets from good
them how
to
to be a worrywart,
79
counseling.
fretful person.
away from
down on
lie
childhood memories
in
difficulties.
This
to his childhood.
focus
is
is
If so,
it is
it.
The
however.
It
is
therapy
if
is
it.
relief.
is
Seek
The
more
Self-fulfilling
all
through
this
book.
Prophecies
is
pitfall in
80
down
in the
energy you
is,
to
do the
task,
fail
because
he
will
fail.
because he
failure.
ball that
way
all
of his
This
is
the
it
81
come
prediction
When we
true.
practice
this
of
sort
prophecy,
goes against
us.
Therefore,
you take
work.
in
if
this attitude,
If
it
will
work but
many
that
may
trying
is
more
we
all
its
various forms
find ourselves in at
all,
we
Therefore,
if
The
first
it is
Remember
us,
is
always
not the
things themselves.
mistaken, even
if
unhappy events
82
to
make
indirectly.
us unhappy.
It is
is
To
say
not true.
we who
permit
about a danger
More
situation.
constantly think
just
explicitly,
of,
is
if
that
is
it
where you
is
it is
find yourself.
What
to
Giving
Up Too
When
Soon
up
until
impossible.
To
one
is
would
is
first
and
strings, a
Bob
between
their toes
fix
man
with eyes.
men-
a football the
also mentions
one time he wanted to become a marathon runner
but found the going tough after eight miles and decided this
that at
was not
for him.
He
He
later
entered twenty-
83
five
marathons
in a single
He
own
is
that he
is
again
fulfilling
it
only
instructions
spur you on to
What
Is
new
heights of achievement.
Improvement?
it
making progress. To be
habitually lasted
sure,
you are
still
all
neurotic, but
you
It is
not look
down your
is
nose at
the stuff on
Most people
themselves credit
when
85
They do not
frequency of a symptom
is
if
all
of
they could be
ment
86
when we
see
how
and catastrophic events over which we, insignifiwe are, have no control.
where one's low self-esteem shows itself most
This
is
dramatically.
ways.
doomed
reason
is
to a life of misery
simple. Since
we
are
this:
self-esteem
is
of.
mistakes.
learn.
not
we have goofed
let
discovered something.
rather than
how worthless we
are.
It is
Babe Ruth, the man who once had the most home runs on
record, also struck out 1,331 times.
uncertain
of.
When I was
in college I
it
camped
looked as
Rocky
in the
if I
might have
many
is
how one
gets self-confidence.
Army
You do
the thing you are afraid to do and you prove to yourself over
and over
that
88
is
about to undertake
is
you
If
feel that
your eyes
as
good
as others,
if
if
you lower
you're always
because
we
yourself as a fallible
is
who
being dragged
will see to
that the
lems
is
it
taken care
of.
89
Putting
The
following
is
All
It
Together
verbatim
study
case
One and
of
Session
to show how
common some fears are, and how, with proper instruction
and much hard work, these fears can be overcome in a few
five
therapy sessions in
all.
Sessions
Two, Four, and Five have been omitted. The last two
sessions were held over the phone, making a good recording
difficult.
However, these were similar in content to the
third session.
Case Study
The
after
Session One
client
being
is
a college student
in the business
who
returned to school
first
To
impossible to apply
90
The reason
Client:
thing.
It's
It's
almost phobic.
are driving.
like
something strange
produces
it.
a lot of things
when
do.
other people
Whenever
this.
It's in
I
.
like
almost like a
paralyzing fear.
How
Therapist:
C:
Well,
T:
Why
C:
fairly
years
years.
Well,
been
it's
never noticed
nervous in a
before then.
it
new
situation,
it
have always
but in the
noticed
it
and
four
last
it's
gotten
considerably worse.
T:
What
Let's see.
T:
Height?
C:
Yes.
T:
Spiders?
C:
No.
T:
Crowds?
C:
Give
Yes, being
how
me an
hemmed
instance
in.
gotten to
Maybe
T:
Yes.
faint,
How
although
me
all
you can.
think
threw up
me now where I am
I'll
if
Embarrassment,
Tell
in front of
always
felt sorry
in a class.
terrified I
am
It
has
going to do
it.
never have.
someone
faint or
throw
up?
91
you mean?
C:
In school,
T:
Any place.
Throw up
quite a few
C:
is all.
do
in bars
it,
Faint
times.
once,
but that
bad.
isn't really so
happen a few
times.
It
sounds
silly
mainly
It's
believe,
now.
in
I've seen
see myself
T:
Yes.
How
do you sleep?
C:
T:
Eat O.K.?
C:
T:
C:
Yes,
was getting
me on
not working because I
nervous and
went
to
my own
awake most
of the time.
The Librium
is
too
strong.
T:
C:
see.
came
here.
can't feel
If I
it.
am
But
at
nervous,
home
it
am
C:
it
of things.
I
sit
me
far,
too.
that
if
in there
very
92
much
Elevators,
am
isn't so
am
is it?
can't study.
It's
number
somebody
else
is
driving.
if
going to throw up or
won't ride
in
faint.
them.
if it's
If
not
and
feel dizzy
like
am
My
heart's
as
it,
pounding a million
I
have?
this.
T:
C:
T:
C:
Yes.
T:
Now
C:
Well,
is
it
lot.
that with
it
Am
psychologist.
Like
going crazy?
am
It
for instance,
going to
see
doesn't prey on
my
mind.
T:
much
so
that
definitely
T:
wrong. But
and useless.
But you're not
terrified
C:
Possibly
think of
it
is
something
and incapacitated
may be
to be hospitalized?
state hospital," or
something
my mind when
on
that there
so stupid
that way.
I feel
like this.
awaken or
lie
But
it
isn't
preying
C:
O.K.
I've
aren't.
if
And
if
might be.
93
T:
is
You
are a catastrophizer.
C:
That sounds
T:
terrible.
there.
C:
Yes.
T:
That's
make
why you
said
it
94
You
way
build things
out of
have made
it
it's
going to
kill
you.
Forgive
C:
it
T:
me
makes me
But
Yes.
C:
Yes.
T:
It's
for laughing,
feel
but
sounds so
it
when you
silly
say
it
the whole
it is,
that
way
thing.
isn't it?
For example,
it so out of proportion.
you that you can die from getting a fish
bone caught in your throat. Now that's true. And you
then to magnify
suppose
told
say,
"What
my
and
sputter,
restaurant,
Now
and
you could
if I
and
I'd
just
fish,
throw up in the
and so on.
air,"
now
C:
Yes,
fish
would. Yes.
think a lot of
it
has to do with
else's driving.
See, here
my
we go
T:
Yes.
understand.
O.K.
Again,
you're
making a
95
explain to
weird.
Why
is
that
C:
fool of myself.
on the ones
did poorly.
T:
when you
failed:
And
"Failure
is
Well, that
the other.
learned a lot."
C:
But
T:
failed.
failed
and
failing again.
that's terrible so
that.
Somebody might
You keep
then, don't
96
want
to
C:
Well,
it's
hard to
feel that
to
me
it
way.
horrible.
T:
Yes, because
to yourself:
"This means
by becoming embarrassed
but who? Me.
C:
It
sounds
silly
also."
to hear said to
Nobody embarrasses me
you what you
The
feel.
is
a real thing.
It is
or flight, do
it
or not, run
away
or stay.
A lot
of times I've
run away.
T:
That's no good.
homework assignment
if I
I'll
to start doing
and
if I
if I
else,
begin to
somebody
all."
But, see, I've never even thrown up. That's the thing.
97
T:
guarantee that.
test
this,
you never
how
practically
in
your head.
really so horrible,
test yourself.
is
it
up
If I
uncomfortable to go swimming
in the
morning, and
if
you never
it
o'clock
never find out whether I'm right or not. You have to jump
don't you. Right?
in,
C:
T:
Right.
and
whether or not
all
your assumptions
are really true or false. You'll find out that they are a
bit true,
ever,
convince yourself of
it
false.
little
How-
that.
98
try to
Oh,
C:
sure.
how
[Notice
the
first
how he
insight into
is
wants
He was
relief.
upsetting himself.
first
cut
he
if
and he
is
how
weeks
later)
are you?
T:
Hi,
C:
C:
it's
me.
just
leaving
work
like physical
me
in
bed
an exhaustit is.
I've
I've
am
afraid of doing.
really.
That's the
it.
It's
before, but
it
exhausted
to fight
crumple up
tiring.
is
never noticed
at night
It felt
way
and
it
almost
feels to
that's the
end
of me.
T:
Yes.
C:
And
strenuous.
T:
Yes.
know
Interesting.
that's got to
be
it.
doing? Let
me
hear.
C:
the
in
front
crowded), but
(which
seat
I still
had a
didn't
little bit
like
because
I'm
other night.
T:
C:
was
sitting?
driving.
99
T:
C:
what
else did
say, I
Why
T:
don't know.
wanted
C:
there any
Is
way
to ask
is
real? Like
that so serious?
C:
T:
Right.
guess not.
I
would not
LOO
How many
guys
in this
community
C:
T:
do you?
No.
Well, you're acting like that.
you? You'd
still
be able
What
could happen to
to earn a living.
C:
today.
C:
T:
Right.
suppose not.
C:
No.
T:
"Well,
worrying about it
need more money, I'd better go
if I
C:
Yes.
T:
Do you
C:
have
have a job?
an off-and-on
sort of
wife works.
am
killing you.
job.
much
would
to
work."
say,
My
I'm a salesman.
in a business. I
know
is:
I
I
again:
as
"This
is
terrible.
This
may
indicate that
may
not
C:
his friends.]
T:
maybe
O.K.,
own
that
don't know.
can't
don't
just
are losing
because
Why
C:
why you
is
money
personal
some
of your
feelings.
T:
C:
Here
like
goes
it
me.
that same
want them
me. So
liking
So you give
T:
C:
Yes.
T:
Because
am
deal.
to like
me.
a pushover,
in so
feelings.
am
want them
to
keep
suppose.
C:
C:
Right.
T:
C:
he rejected you?
I suppose I could.
T:
Do you
C:
Yes.
if
lend
why
money
to
a good
T:
It's
C:
Right.
T:
Have your
So
my
way
I
friends
feelings
friends of yours to
That's
my
C:
Yes.
wouldn't lend
T:
You've
point.
why
whom
T:
See?
little
it
again.
probably dumb.
Yes.
lost
is
to lose friends.
say that's
C:
which
of.
So
he reject you?
But
C:
that
is
insecurity
a fear?
really
Isn't
that
more
of an
mean, of
T:
feeling of insecurity
insecure because
and
is
am
is
The world
You
a fear.
afraid something
I
say,
is
"Well,
feel
going to happen
it.
have to end.
C: That's a hard concept to grasp the fact that I don't
care. I mean, what will happen will happen. It shouldn't
bother me.
T:
No, it would be better if it didn't bother you.
C:
Right.
T:
You can
will just
let it
bother you
if
you want,
as
you might do
C:
in
your car
Right.
T:
made me
C:
feel that
if I
Yes.
But, no,
terribly
says,
touchy about
that.
We
My
wife
is
and she
The same
103
She wants
to hide in the
T:
is
she doing?
and things
all
was elevators
taking a possible fear and blowing
C:
T:
now
All right,
What
when
it
like that
in
it
out of proportion.
Sure.
herself
see
how
all
you
did.
You do
it
know
don't
window.
if
hers
and
told her
it
Good.
C:
I've tried
it
silly.
Right.
To you
it.
it's
Right?
just take practice, I suppose, to get rid of
C:
It'll
T:
You have
to challenge,
these thoughts.
you,
it's
It isn't
you have
to
it.
keep questioning
rainstorm doesn't
you?
In
104
when
there
things.
is
You
Because she
neurotic reaction.
When
to
yourself,
out.
them.
You
something out of
she get nervous
C:
T:
that.
when you
No.
See what
mean?
It just
It is
to
one's thinking
C:
No.
T:
This
is
it.
usually
do.
They make a
105
secondary worry or
my
fear.
They
say,
C:
It is
T:
Yes.
C:
the nervousness.
What
have found
think meeting
way, and
a thing
T:
it is
up
Because
am
start
somebody
is
afraid of are
going to be a certain
Why
do people build
like that?
catastrophize.
You
am
is
You
start to
don't
don't
know
know how I
know if
don't
that
am
going
rassed?"
it.
You begin to
upon it. Before you know it you
are saying, "I'm going to meet the smartest man in the
whole world; and I am the most ignorant man in the
whole world; and this is going to be the most shameful
focus on
106
it
and
to dwell
C:
That's right.
ordinary man.
just
T:
blow
it all
what jealousy
Yes.
is.
It's
is,
T:
It is
and
say,
"Why do
I feel this
way?"
T:
What phobia
C:
T:
That
C:
T:
is
in
afraid that
when
C:
like that.
not a phobia.
Claustrophobia
But
T:
if I
get nervous."
Right.
afraid of but
a claustrophobia, as
"My mother
that.
is
hovers over me. She has a hundred legs and arms and just
won't
let
me move." You
feel
and
tell
feel
her to leave
closed-in places."
C:
(Pause)
see.
depression.
read
it
does.
I've
yet.
I've
bought
and
it
do get that
Depression
is
too,
pretty
school and
out, that
some catastrophe
Yes.
all
get fear,
I'll
True.
will
I'll
get
my
just catastrophizing.
T:
am
That's
may
all I
must be doing.
That's
I may be run over tonight by a truck.
been true for forty-nine years. Isn't it? For me it is. All
right, what should I do? Worry every day of my life and
die a thousand deaths? What for? If I am not going to be
because
108
C:
T:
think
it is
and with
objectively
little
sentimentality.
most
find
They are so
sensitive that whatever happens in their lives makes them
go bananas instead of being somewhat hard and thickskinned about it. It is very important, if you want to be a
are
neurotics
terribly
sensitive
people.
is
him
C:
Right.
T:
If
he
it
will
apart.
is
terribly sensitive,
he
will
become
quite upset,
C:
T:
Right.
session.
If
you continue
T:
at this pace,
was
doing
fine,
fear
True,
enough
but
we
that.
my
I was
on the back for
also thought
often find
shouldn't be
sessions.
if their symptoms took a turn for the worse. But giving themselves a
reward seems like self-indulgence.
C:
It
sure does. Is
when
itself
it
really so important to
all,
isn't
reward myself
the improvement
109
T:
Not always.
want you
to
job.
were,
how
how
tell
people
manage a
envied. That's
open and
How
did you
mean
that?
should praise
my
progress,
not myself?
some
superhuman being
If you do
that, you'll feel like you're worthless and inferior when
you begin to lose that skill or someone outshines you.
Don't judge yourself by your behavior, ever. You as a
human being and your actions are not the same. Separate
them always and you'll never get depressed from selfblame. If you do the same thing for other people, you'll
never get angry. Either way you stand to gain.
You mean that when I do well I am still me and not
C:
somebody I wasn't before. I've just learned something
new perhaps, and that doesn't have to give me a big head.
T:
Of course. Would you suggest for instance that anyone
who is afraid as you were a few weeks ago is just no good
T:
sort of
as a
C:
human
being?
T:
at a skill.
learned to conquer
worthwhile
now
That's
We
it.
can go into
it.
110
wasn't worthless
my
this
I
this again at
over and
find
it
we need
to
our next
come prepared
be a particularly
visit,
to ask
difficult
actions.
If
Will
C:
see
Yes.
come
back.
T:
Summary
two more
In
psychotherapy.
He was one
my
time of
advice into
it:
little
problems vanish.
who
they continue to
life
we
put
enough control
you can
still
transcripts
situations
and
you
He
learn to calm
in
down about
your
life
The
still
attended school.
He was
still
danger of doing
in
at.
He
his
still
financial problems.
him peace
He
Yet he changed
is
what
finally
gave
of mind.
And
if
had
could
have done so, I would have. I would have urged him to
change his frustrations all he humanly could. In the event,
however, that he could not change them completely or
enough
to suit him,
left
if I
Ill
112
Psychology
$2.75
Many
CD
03
tell
We
we have been
trained
CO
The book
down
how
rapidly the
to
PAIL
A.
HAUCK, who
Island, Illinois.
Rock
Overcoming Worry and Fear is
University of Utah,
is
a psychotherapist in