Have you ever been utterly embarrassed by your family?

In
the memoir Fish Cheeks by Amy Tan, Amy, a Chinese-American
girl is embarrassed by her familys Chinese customs at Christmas
Eve dinner. The reason she is so humiliated is because her family
invited the minister and his family over for dinner, and Amy, who
has a crush on their son Robert, is acutely aware of the cultural
differences between the two families. In spite of the fact that the
meal was a horrifying event for young Amy, she eventually learns
to appreciate her mothers advice to be proud of her Chinese
culture.
From the very start of the memoir, Amy makes it clear that
she is ashamed of her familys food and customs. First of all, she
uses very negative words such as slimy, appalling, and
rubbery white sponges to describe the meal (136). Obviously the
use of these words shows that she feels that this meal would in no
way be appetizing to their guests. It is clear that Amy is terrified
that Robert will be disgusted by this meal because of the way she
describes it. In addition to her shame about the food, Amy is
embarrassed by her familys behavior at dinner when her relatives
licked the ends of their chopsticks and reached across the table,
dipping them into the . . . plates of food (137). This embarrasses
Amy because most Americans consider it rude to reach across the
table and unsanitary to dip eating utensils into food that is to be
shared. In other words, Amy must feel that Robert thinks her
family has no manners at all! Above all, Amy is ashamed when her
father leaned back and belched loudly, thanking [her] mother for
her fine cooking (137). Amy is obviously aware that in American
culture, belching at the table is rude. Amys mortification is
amplified when she looks at Robert and sees that hes embarrassed
as well. As one can see, Amy suffers great embarrassment at the
Christmas Eve dinner because her Chinese culture is so different
from that of the guests.
Although she is very embarrassed at dinner, years later Amy
is able to understand the purpose behind her familys behavior.
One of the things her father did that initially embarrasses her is to

offer her the tender fish cheek while announcing to the entire
table that it was her favorite part of the fish. While she was
embarrassed about this at the time, years later she came to realize
that her father was offering this delicacy to her out of love because
he knew it was her favorite. To elucidate, Amys father was trying
to show Amy that she shouldnt deny the things she loved; loving
fish cheeks was a part of who she was, a part of her culture.
Another thing Amy realizes yeas later is that for Christmas Eve
that year, [Amys mother] had chosen all [her] favorite foods (137).
Just like with her father, Amys mother was showing her love for
daughter by cooking a special menu just for Amy. Specifically,
Amys mother gives her a fashionable mini-skirt after the dinner
was over because she recognized that her daughter wanted[ed] to
be the same as American girls on the outside, yet she still
admonishes her that inside [she] must always be Chinese (137).
Restated, Amys mother is telling her daughter that she must be
very proud of being Chinese. In other words, she must not deny
her culture because it is who she is. As a result of her familys
behavior, Amy is originally humiliated; however, she eventually
learns that there was a purpose behind her familys actions on that
particular Christmas Eve.
In conclusion, author Amy Tan, in her memoir Fish Cheeks,
illustrates how her family taught her to appreciate her culture. By
refusing to conform to American culture and instead celebrating
their Chinese culture, Amys family shows her that it is important
to be proud of who you are. Amy may change what she looks like
on the outside, but inside she will be undeniably and forever,
Chinese.