=========================

171 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
10.04.Uto 20:53 2902 chr
--------------------------------------------------I received the following from a NeXT mailing list, and just had
to post it here for all to read. --enjoy
-dennis
Japan's Got Us Beat
in the Service Department, Too
by Hilary Hinds Kitasei
My husband and I bought one souvenir the last time we were in
Tokyo -- a Sony compact disk player. The transaction took
seven minutes at the Odakyu Department Store, including time
to find the right department and to wait while the salesman
filled out a second charge slip after misspelling my husband's
name on the first.
My in-laws, who were our hosts in the outlying city of
Sagamihara, were eager to see their son's purchase, so he
opened the box for them to see the next morning. But when he
tried to demonstrate the player, it wouldn't work. We peered
inside. It had no innards! My husband used the time until
the Odakyu would open at 10:00 to practice for the rare
opportunity in that country to wax indignant. But at a
minute to 10:00 he was pre-empted by the store ringing us.
My mother-in-law took the call, and had to hold the receiver
away from her ear against the barrage of Japanese honorifics.
Odakyu's vice president was on his way over with a new disk
player.
A taxi pulled up 50 minutes later and spilled out the vice
president and a junior employee who was laden with packages
and a clipboard. In the entrance hall, the two men bowed
vigorously.
 =0younger
The
9 
man was still bobbing as he read from a log
that recorded the progress of their efforts to rectify their
mistake, beginning at 4:32 p.m. the day before, when the
salesclerk alerted the store's security guards to stop my
husband at the door. When that didn't work, the clerk turned
to his supervisor, who turned to his supervisor, until
a SWAT team leading all the way to the vice president
was in place to work on the only clues, a name and an
American Express card number. Remembering that the customer
had asked him about using the disk player in the U.S., the
clerk called 32 hotels in and around Tokyo to ask if a
Mr. Kitasei was registered. When that turned up nothing,
the Odakyu commandeered a staff member to stay until 9:00
p.m. to call American Express headquarters in New York.
American Express gave him our New York telephone number.
It was after 11 when he reached my parents, who were
staying at our apartment. My mother gave him my in-laws'
telephone number.

The younger man looked up from his clipboard and gave us,
in addition to the new $280 disk player, a set of towels,
a box of cakes, and a Chopin disk. Three minutes after
this exhausted pair had arrived, they were climbing back
into the waiting cab. The vice president suddenly dashed
back. He had forgotten to apologize for my husband having
to wait while the salesman had rewritten the charge slip,
but he hoped we understood that it had been the young man's
first day.
------------------------------------------- 171--=========================
172 Za !zsdsz
Od jvalant
12.04.Cet 18:11 446 chr
--------------------------------------------------Ide siptar u Sloveniju, da nauci nesto o Jugoslaviji. I tamo mu
kazu:
>> Znas, Jugoslavija ti je kao voz : Slovenija je lokomotiva,
republike su vagoni, a Kosovo je kocnica koja nas sve koci.<<
Vrati se siptar kuci i svi navalise na njega da im kaze sta je cuo
u sloveniji. I on jim rece:
>> Znate: Jugoslavija je kao voz. Slovenija je lokomotiva, ostale
rpublike su vagoni, a bez nas sve bi otislo u p.... materinu. <<
------------------------------------------- 172--=========================
173 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
13.04.Pet 02:37 5144 chr
--------------------------------------------------Sinoc sam "otkrio" konferenciju BUEF78::VICEVI na DECnet-u.
Evo onoga sto je tamo bilo a kod nas nije:
=========================================================== =09 
Idu dve bakice ulicom. Jedna spazi neki predmet na trotoaru
i sagne se da ga podigne rekavsi pri tom:
- Jaooo, vidi lepog medaljona. Kako je sladak zut i zelen...
Uze da ga podigne, kad na to druga bakica rece:
- Pa nije to medaljon, nego lancic, vidi kako se istegao...
BUEF78::IVAN "Ivan Lucev, programer, RC ETF, Bgd"
===================
Pitanje: Kakva je razlika izmedu kamiona punog peska i
kamiona punog beba?
Odgovor: Kamion pun peska se ne moze istovariti vilama.

BUEF78::IVAN "Ivan Lucev, programer, RC ETF, Bgd"

===================
Petrovic u cekaonici porodilista. Nervozan, pusi cigaretu za
cigaretom, seta kao lav u kavezu. Iznenada, ulazi sestra
nezno noseci mali zamotuljak...
- Petrovic?
- Ja sam !!! - povice Petrovic razdragano.
Umesto odgovora, sestra baci zamotuljak na pod, skoci na
njega, pocne da ga gazi, krckaju koscice, zatim ga tresne
na zid, pljus na sve strane, i tome slicno. Posle toga pridje
skamenjenom Petrovicu, nezno ga potapse po ramenu i srdacno
kaze:
- Ma sala, Petrovicu, mrtvorodjeno.
BUEF78::IVAN "Ivan Lucev, programer, RC ETF, Bgd"
===================
Pitanje.
Kako ubiti buba-svabu na narocito sadisticki nacin?
Odgovor.
Zatvoriti je u staklenu teglu tako da moze da dise ali ne moze
da izadje, zatim svuda unaokolo nagomilati govna i jesti ih sve
dok buba-svaba ne crkne od muke.
BUEF78::IVAN "Ivan Lucev, programer, RC ETF, Bgd"
===================
Idu dva klosara ulicom. Iznenada spaze povracku. Prvi klosar
skoci na nju i pojede sve. Drugi klosar mu tada kaze:
- Fuj al' si 'alapljiv, progut'o si dlaku. =09 
Na to se prvi klosar zgadi i ispovraca. Sada drugi klosar
skoci na povracku i pojede sve, rekavsi:
- Bas ti hvala sto si mi podgrejao!
BUEF78::IVAN "Ivan Lucev, programer, RC ETF, Bgd"
===================
Sta je najbednije na svetu?
10 dinara oroceno na 3 meseca!
BUEFQ5::PRODAN40686D
===================

Sta je odvratnije od tri bebe u kontejneru?

Jedna beba u tri kontejnera!!!
BUEFQ5::MATOS_25886D
===================
A sta je jos odvratnije?
Tri kontejnera u jednoj bebi.
BUEFGX::KRNJAJ40787D
===================
Skidajte gace preko glave
i imacete lep zuti cuperak kao HALID
BUEFQ5::MATOS_25886D
===================
Dolazi covek u mesaru i pita mesara:
-Dobar dan, dajte mi molim vas pola kilograma detetine.
Mesar dakako uzme komad mesa iz hladnjace i pocne seci
satarom. Odmeri pola kilograma i pocne uvijati u celofan.
Tip ga usput pita:
-Jel' to sveze?
Mesar odgovori:
-Kako da ne, sad smo ga skinuli sa ljuljaske.
BUEF78::SRNIC_08785D "Goran Srnic, YU1EL"
===================
Sistemski
preko Alpa.
manadzer,
Iznenadaspecialista
pokvare sezakocnice,
hardverpai programer
oni jedva voze
uspevaju
se =09 
da zaustave auto na rubu provalije. Izlaze iz auta i razgovaraju
o resenju njihovog problema:
Sistemski manadzer zahteva da se pozove servis.
Specialista za hardver hoce da podigne kola, pa da sami poprave
kvar.
Programer predlaze da svi sednu u kola i vide, da li ce se
problem ponoviti...
CATHY::MATIJA "Matija Grabnar"
===================
- Sta bi se desilo kad bi arhitekte projektovale zgrade, kao
sto programeri pisu programe?

- Prvi povetarac bi unistio civilizaciju.

BUEFQ5::PANTIC27986D
===================
PITANJE: Sta je to: Malo je, crno je, i grebe po staklu ?
ODGOVOR: Beba u rerni.
BUEF78::MILOJE21984D
===================
Isla Crvenkapica kroz sumu i sretne vuka:
"Cuj bolan vuce, sto su ti tako velike oci?"
Vuk:
"Ma bjezi mala, vidis da serem!"
BUEFGX::SMILJK54687D
===================
Zove brat brata telefonom:
-Zdravo brate, kako mi je macka?
-Bas je juce krepala.
-Staaa??!! (urlik iznenadjenja) Oh boze, boze...Brate ne govori
se tako kad nekome saopstavas nesrecu.
-Nego kako?
-Ovako:
"Macka se popela na krov. Komsija je to primijetio i obavijestio
nas. Mi smo odmah poizvali vatrogasce. Vatarogasci su brzo stigli
ipenje,
postavili
medjutim,
ljestvice
mackadosekrova.
okliznula
Jedanivatrogasac
pala. Kolajehitne
poceopomoci
da se =09 
su je prebacila u bolnicu i ljekari se se borili za njen zivot.
Nazalost, macka je umrla."
-Jesi li shvatio?
-Naravno.
-Dobro. Nego, a kako je majka?
-Majka se popela na krov...
BUEFGX::FILIPO39387D
===================
Javljaju da je Mr.Gorbacow ukinuo prohibiciju u SSSR-u.

Otreznili se Rusi pa pitali za cara.

BUEFQ5::PETROV38486D "Sasa Petrovic ME384/86 ETF Bg"
===================
Mama se penje uz stepenice i drzi dete za jednu nogu, a
glava mu udara o stepenice. Komsinica dovikuje:
- Spasce mu kapica, komsinice!
Mama joj odgovara:
- Ne brinite, zakucala sam je.
BUEFGX::BAKIC_01987D "Aleksandar Bakic, ETF Beograd"
===========================================================
Hehehe, zar nisu bolesni :-)
Dejan
------------------------------------------- 173--=========================
174 Za !zsdsz
Od vkrstonosic
13.04.Pet 15:24 489 chr
--------------------------------------------------Uhvatili Siptara posle demonstracija '81. odveli ga u stanicu,
pa ga pitaju :
- Za koga si ti ? Rusi ili Amerikanci ?
- Za Rusi.
Prvo ga ubise ga od batina, a onda u zatvor.
Posle 8 godina opet uhvacen, opet stanica i isto pitanje:
- Rusi ili Ameri ?
- Za Ameri.
Opet ista prica, udri do zore, pa u bajbok.
Kada je izasao iz zatvora ode jadan u poslasticarnicu - Daj mi jedan bakljava !
- Grcka ili Egipatska ?
- Daj ljimunada, ko ti bre trazi bakljava!
------------------------------------------- 174--=========================
175 Za !zsdsz
Od madamov
13.04.Pet 19:27 569 chr
--------------------------------------------------Umro vojniku Petrovicu otac. Skupile se staresine da se dogovore
kako to da mu saopste. I tu vodnik nade ideju. Postroji on
Petrovicev vod i komanduje:

- Mirno ! Svi koji imaju oca neka istupe dva koraka napred! Gde
si posao, Petrovicu?
*****************
Otisla majka u prodavnicu i rekla muzu da za to vreme okupa bebu.
Kad se vratila, jos sa vrata cuje galamu i plac iz kupatila. Ude
u kupatilo i ima sta da vidi: muz drzi bebu za usi i provlaci je
kroz vodu.
- Konju jedan, zar se tako kupa dete?
- Kupaj ga ti drugacije kad je voda vrela!
------------------------------------------- 175--=========================
178 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
23.04.Pon 03:35
88 chr
--------------------------------------------------Pilule izazivaju rak.
Abortus je opasan.
Pusenje ili zdravlje - odlucite same.
------------------------------------------- 178--=========================
179 Za !zsdsz
Od ilja
23.04.Pon 06:47
54 chr
--------------------------------------------------Ne pusi na ulici!
Odraces kolena!
------------------------------------------- 179--=========================
180 Za !zsdsz
=09 
Od genius
30.04.Pon 03:47 133 chr
--------------------------------------------------Pitaju coveka u sudnici:"Zasto ste bacili stolicu na vasu suprugu?"
Osudjeni odgovara:"Zato sto nisam mogao da podignem klavir."
------------------------------------------- 180--=========================
214 Za !zsdsz
Od nkitic
01.05.Uto 20:29 196 chr
--------------------------------------------------Imao Mujo dva sina blizanca. I jednom i drugom dade on ime Huso.
Kum ga pita: "pobogu Mujo, zasto si obojicu nazvao Huso?"
"Kada dodjem kuci, ja kazem ~Huso, pivo!~ a kad tamo - dva piva!"

------------------------------------------- 214--=========================
254 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
03.05.Cet 00:16 1767 chr
--------------------------------------------------[Sledeca tri saljiva teksta sa raznih stranih BBS-ova
pronasli smo na WILDCAT BBS-u 041 446 700]
WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR DOG!!!
============================
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I called
mine "Sex". Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to
the Post Office to renew his license, I told the clerk I would
like to have a license for Sex; he said he would like one too.
Then I said "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what
she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand. I have had
Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a
kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog
with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and
me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the
place was for sex. I said "You don't understand, Sex keeps me
awake at night. "The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition
began, the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was
standing there looking around. I told him I planned to have
Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own
tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have
Sex on TV. " He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog, I said "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was
married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after
I was separated, Sex left me. He said "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around
town for him. A policeman came over to me and asked me, "What
are
"I you
am looking
doing inforthis
Sex."
alley at 04:00 in the morning?" I said, =09 
My case comes up on Friday.
------------------------------------------- 254--=========================
255 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
03.05.Cet 00:17 3355 chr
--------------------------------------------------LOVE BYTES
( Or sex and the single computer )
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His
broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with
numerous input/ output devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

One evening he arrived home just as the sun was crashing, and
had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive ( he had
missed the 5100 bus that morning ), when he noticed that an
elegant piece of hardware admiring the daisy wheels in his
garden. He thought to himself, "She looks user friendly. I'll
see if she'd like an update tonight."
Mini was her name , and she was delightfully engineered with
eyes like COBOL and a Prime mainframe architecture that set
micro's peripherals networking all over the place.
He browsed over her casually, admiring the power of her twin,
32-bit floating point processors and enquired, "How are you
Honeywell?" "Yes, I am well" she responded, batting her
optical fibres engagingly and smoothing her console over her
curvilinear functions. Micro settled for a straight line
approximation. "I'm stand-alone tonight," he said. "How about
computing a vector to my base address. I'll output a byte to
eat, and maybe we could get offset later on."
Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds then
transmitted, "8K, I've been dumped myself recently, and a new
page is just what I need to refresh my discs. I'll park my
machine cycle in your back- ground and meet you inside." She
walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and thinking,
"Wow, what a global variable, I wonder if she'll like my
firmware."
They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed of
fiche and chips and a bucket of Baudot. Mini was in
conversation mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while
Micro gave occasional acknowledgements although in reality, he
was analyzing the shortest and least critical path to her
entry point. He finally settled on the old "would you like to
see my benchmark subroutine", but Mini was one step ahead.
Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to
reveal the full functionality operating system software.
"Let's get BASIC, you RAM," she said. Micro was loaded by this
stage, but his processor module had a processor of its own and
was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hang-up that
Micro had consulted his analyst about. "Core," was all that he
could say. =09 
Micro soon recovered, however, when she went down on the DEC
and opened her device file to reveal her data set ready. He
accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to
start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape
sequence.
"No No!" she piped. "You're not shielded."
"Reset, Baby," he replied. "I've been fully debugged."
"But I haven't got my current loop enabled and can't support
child processes," she protested.
"Don't run away," he said. "I'll generate an interrupt."
"No that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my
design philosophy."
Micro was locked in by this stage, and could not be turned
off. But she soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a
voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over

with a head crash and went to sleep.

"Computers," she thought as she compiled herself, "all they
ever think of is hex."
------------------------------------------- 255--=========================
256 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
03.05.Cet 00:18 10554 chr
--------------------------------------------------Loonly Laws in L.A.
By Robert W. Pelton
L.A. Reader
Against the law to ride an "ugly horse?" Illegal for a fireman
to rescue a woman wearing a nightgown? Prohibited from walking
around with an ice-cream cone in your pocket? Author Samuel
Johnson once said, "The law is the last result of human wisdom
acting upon human experience for the benefit of the public." A
noble philosophy, perhaps, but Johnson's opinion is debatable
at best.
Officials who wrote some of the L.A. area's old laws appear to
have acted for no greater purpose than a good belly laugh. But
there are real reasons for some of these laws. For instance,
those regarding horses were largely passed to favor and
protect the horse in the late 1800s and early 1900s, when
horses were still the primary mode of transportation. An old
ordinance won't allow acrobats to perform on any city sidewalk
in L.A. because the city fathers decreed acrobatics might
frighten some of the local horses.
Clothing laws, by and large, originated around the same time
period. Laws dealing with women were always designed by men
who were often quite prejudiced by today's standards in their
thinking toward "the weaker sex."The extremely
fundamentalistic attitudes of many small-town religious
leaders often prevailed - hence, we find laws governing the
wearing of corsets, seem to have a special social
responsibility.
every woman mustAn"be
unusual
foundpiece
to beofwearing
loony legislation
a corset" when
says =09 
attending any public dance. A physician is required to inspect
each female at the dance. The doctor must ascertain that the
woman is, in fact, complying with this archaic law.
Any laws having to do with Sunday were usually written and
passed as the need arose with the intent of keeping the
Sabbath holy. The church has enormous influence on laws
pertaining to gambling, curfews for young women, women
drinking alcoholic beverages, flirting, and even eating ice
cream. In Bonsall, no one is allowed to read the Sunday paper
while sitting in a rocking chair on their front porch while
church services are in session.
There's a strange ordinance in Covina where "A husband is not
guilty of desertion when his wife rents his room to a boarder
and crowds him out of the house."

Drivers in Hemet should be aware that the driver of "any

vehicle involved in an accident resulting in death...shall
immediately stop...and give his name and address to the person
struck."
A true dog lover, according to City Manager Doug Weiford,
might enjoy living in Riverside. An old piece of legislation
stops local citizens from "sticking out a tongue in the
direction of a dog." Nor can people living in Ventura make
"ugly faces" at dogs who are found to be "freely roaming" the
community. Animals appear to be treated fairly in Upland but
pity the poor owner: "It shall be unlawful for the owner or
keeper of horses, mules, cattle, sheep, goats, and hogs to run
at large." And don't bother duck hunting at night in Apple
Valley. Ducks aren't allowed to be heard quacking after 10:00
p.m.
Do you have difficulty flirting? You can't, according to the
municipal code in Inglewood: "It is unlawful for any male
person, within the corporate limits of the city of Inglewood,
to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted."
Beverly Hills also has an anti-flirting law. City Managed Ed
Kreins quotes this ordinance: "No male person shall make
remarks to or concerning, or cough or whistle at, or do any
other act to attract the attention of any woman upon or
traveling along any of the sidewalks."
Males in Buena Park have an even more difficult time in this
regard. They are specifically prohibited from "turning and
looking at a woman in that way" on the Sabbath. If he's caught
a second time, the violator has to "wear horse blinders" for a
24-hour period in public.
Community lawmakers do sometimes have a sense of humor.
According to City Manager Ralph Webb, Baldwin Park politicos
once decreed that "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on
any street within this community unless she is escorted by at
least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." An
amendment to the original ordinance reads "The provisions of
this status shall not apply to females weighing less than 90
pounds or exceeding 200 pounds nor shall it apply to female
horses."
 You
=09probably
 
don't know that Santa Monica has a "bean snapper"
law. City Manager John Jalili declares: "Any person who shall
in the city of Santa Monica use or carry concealed or
unconcealed any bean snapper or like article, shall, upon
conviction, be fined."
Drivers beware when going through Los Angeles County. An early
speed law was worded: "Speed upon county roads will be limited
to 10 miles an hour unless the motorist sees a bailiff who
does not appear to have had a drink in 30 days, then the
driver will be permitted to make what he can." And "Whoever
operates an automobile on any public way - laid out under the
authority of law recklessly or while under the influence of
liquor shall be punished; thereby imposing upon the motorist
the duty of finding out at his peril whether certain highways
had been laid out recklessly or while under the influence of
liquor before driving his car over them." You figure it out.
In the same vein, there's a beauty from Whittier that says

"Two vehicles which are passing each other in opposite

directions shall have the right of way." Uh huh.
An old-fashioned piece of legislation in Hesperia outlaws
dueling under certain circumstances: no one is allowed to duel
when the opponents select water pistols for use as the
weapons.
Monrovia has a unique old wedding law. No young man can marry
the girl of his dreams until he has "proven his manhood." How?
It's quite simple; all the poor fellow is required to do is go
out and shoot six blackbirds or three crows which must then be
brought to his prospective father-in-law.
Stay away from Compton while wearing slack with hip pockets.
The city fathers long ago passed an ordinance banning hip
pockets in all men's pants - it was considered to be a perfect
place to hide a pint of liquor. Let's hope thirst doesn't
become a major problem if you're a woman in Ojai. No female
can expect to walk into a tavern and be graciously served.
It's illegal for a woman to stand within five feet of a bar
when she takes a drink in any public establishment serving
alcoholic beverages. She's in violation of this law even if
she only wants a glass of water!
A thirsty married man, according to the law in Camarillo,
could have serious problems. He can't purchase any form of
liquor without first having the written consent of his loving
spouse. And an old law in Gardena, according to City Manager
Ken Landau, prohibits a woman from chewing tobacco without
first having permission from her husband.
You could be breaking the law when you're just trying to have
an innocent night out. Boisterous adults and children can be
penalized in Mailbu should they "laugh out loud" in a movie
theater. And in Costa Mesa, citizens aren't allowed to enter a
movie theater within four hours of eating garlic.
Don't even thing of playing cards with a pregnant woman or a
child on the curb of any street in Temecula. And according to
the revised ordinances in Pomona, "No person shall hallo,
shout, bawl, scream, use profane language, dance, sing, whoop,
quarrel, or make any unusual noise or sound in any house in
such
neighborhood."
a manner as to disturb the peace and quiet of the =09 
Fashion can be dangerous. In Norwalk, "Any person who shall
wear in a public place any device or thing attached to her
head, hair, headgear or hat, which device or thing is capable
or lacerating the flesh of any other person with whom it may
come in contact and which is not sufficiently guarded against
the possibility of so doing, shall be adjudged a disorderly
person." Watch out, fashion victims.
If you've been out on the trail a bit too long and your horse
is weary, be sure you don't let it fall asleep within the city
limits of El Monte. They have an antiquated law in them parts
then prohibits a horse from falling asleep in a bathtub,
unless the rider is also sleeping with the horse. And if you
own a horse in Pico Rivera, it's strictly forbidden - if
you're a woman, attired in shorts, and you weigh over 200
pounds - to ride your horse in public. In Santa Ana, it's

illegal to let a horse sleep in a bakery.

You've got to be careful even when you're hungry. If you can't
find a can opener, whatever you do, don't try to shoot your
canned foods open with a revolver in Victorville. And if
you're a barber in Valencia, don't dare eat onions between the
hours of 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m.
Ice cream crops up quite a few times in the various cities'
law books. In Chino, citizens are prohibited from carrying an
ice-cream cone in their pocket, and in Rosemead, it's against
the law to eat an ice cream in public with a fork.
Try to stay away from Arcadia if you're planning to take you
date for a late cup of coffee. An old ordinance prohibits
"young women" from drinking a delicious cup of brew after 6:00
p.m. Speaking of drinking, a law in Bellflower actually offers
a degree of protection to drunks: "A drunk man had as good a
right to a perfect sidewalk as a sober man since he needs one
a good deal more."
Have to pay a visit to a dentist in the near future? In Irvine
a patient is not allowed to pull a dentist's tooth. Those who
partake of such frivolous activities can be jailed. But in
Castaic, fairness seems to govern the thinking of former
lawmakers. A dentist had better not accidentally pull the
wrong tooth. Should this happen, the patient has the right to
pull one of the dentist's teeth in return.
These are merely a few of the unusual situations covered by
ludicrous laws throughout the Los Angeles area. Most of these
decrees were written and then forgotten with the swift passage
of time. Relevant or ridiculous, most are still around today.
Clergyman Henry Ward Beecher said it all when he summed up his
view on the art of lawmaking: "We bury men when they are dead,
but we try to embalm the dead body of laws, keeping the corpse
in sight long after the vitality has gone. It usually takes a
hundred years to make a law; and then, after the law had done
its work, it usually takes another hundred years to get rid of
it."
------------------------------------------- 256-- =09 
=========================
300 Za !zsdsz
Od lgavrilovic
04.05.Pet 04:29 2151 chr
--------------------------------------------------Ako LOPTATI SE znaci IGRATI SE LOPTOM
sta znaci UDATI SE? (IGRATI SE .... !)
---------------Iskrcali se Mujo i Haso na tropsko ostrvo. Iskoce ljudozderi te
pocnu da ih jure. Uhvate Muju a Haso im nekako umakne i popne se
na drvo. Sklepaju ljudozderi Muju u kazan da ga krckaju, a Haso
sve to gleda odozgo i razmislja:
"Ako sidjem dole, uhvatice i mene, a ako ne sidjem, pojesce Muju."
Dok je on to razmisljao, pridje vrac Muji u kazanu pa ga nekoliko
puta lupi kutlacom po glavi.
Iznervirao se Haso pa sidje dole i izdere se na vraca:

"Dobro bre, ajde sto ga kuvate, ali zasto ga bre bijes kutlacom?"
Na to ce Vrac:
"Upadaj u kazan, i da znas da cu i tebe da bijem samo ako
te primetim da krades krompire."
---------------Razgovaraju Amerikanac, Japanac i Mujo o aparatima.
Kaze Amerikanac:
"Mislim da je najvece covekovo dostignuce let na Mesec, da bi se
to postiglo raketa je bila neophodna."
Kaze Japanac:
"U redu ali racunari su tu najvise uradili, a pogotovo
minijaturizacija, bez toga ne bi ni moglo da dodje do leta na
Mesec."
Kaze Mujo:
"Ma, ja mislim da je najvece dostignuce TERMOS!"
"Kako to mislis?", zbune se ova dvojca.
"Pa evo, Na primer: Krenemo Haso i ja na pecanje proslog leta,
udarila zega, htedosmo da pocrkamo, kad rece Haso: Mujo, nemoj da
brines poneo sam 'ladno pivo u termosu. I tu mi popijemo piva i
lepo se osvezimo. Drugom prilikom, krenemo na planinarenje zimi
na Igman. Udarila mecava, htedosmo da se smrznemo. Kaze Haso:
Mujo, nemoj da brines poneo sam vruceg caja u termosu. I tu se
mi lepo ugrejemo ...."
"Bez veze pa svi smo ucili da termos drzi hladno ili vruce",
rece amerikanac.
Mujo: "Ma, ucio sam i ja, ali kako termos ZNA kad je napolju
hladno a kad vruce?"
---------------(Malo crnjaka)
Odsekli Muji ruku, toliko ga je to pogodilo da je izasao na
terasu i taman se spremi da skoci da se ubije kad primeti na
susednoj terasi Hasu bez obe ruke kako igra Lambadu.
"Bre Haso, meni odsekli ruku, pa sam odlucio da se ubijem a ti
nemas obe pa igras ..."
"Igrao bi i ti da te svrbi dupe!"
GWW
P.S. "Jeste li farbali cekice za 1.maj ?" =09 
------------------------------------------- 300--=========================
301 Za !zsdsz
Od lgavrilovic
04.05.Pet 04:30 593 chr
--------------------------------------------------Evo jednog prolecnog recepta za: Kolac od Banane
Potrebno je:
-

Dve noge
Dva vesela oka
Dve kese mleka
Jedna tvrda banana
Dva sveza jaja
Jedna posuda za tucanje

Nacin pripreme:
Poloziti noge u rasiren polozaj, gledati u oci i nezno mesiti
dve kese mleka. Mesati sve dok se posuda ne zagreje i ovlazi.
Probati prstom zagrejanost posude, pa lagano ugurati bananu i
pokriti je svezim jajima. Peci na sve vecoj temperaturi uz
stalno mesanje.
Napomena:
Kolac je gotov kada banana omeksa i pusti sok.
Prijatno! Zeli Vam GWW
------------------------------------------- 301--=========================
303 Za !zsdsz
Od bojt
04.05.Pet 06:26
22 chr
--------------------------------------------------Srecan praznik! :-)
------------------------------------------- 303--=========================
323 Za !zsdsz
Od kale
04.05.Pet 21:10
89 chr
-------------------------------------------------->> Srecan praznik! :-)
Hvala, takode!
A tu je i muzika ... :-)
------------------------------------------- 323--=========================
325 Za !zsdsz
--------------------------------------------------Od bojt
05.05.Sub 01:52
85 chr =09 
>>
A tu je i muzika ... :-)
Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
------------------------------------------- 325--=========================
344 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
06.05.Ned 02:51 2901 chr
--------------------------------------------------[Preuzeto sa elektronske oglasne table ETF-a.
Autor: BUEF78::ZIVKOV37885D]
Ovo je

KRATKO UPUTSTVO ZA KORISCENJE NEISTRAZENIH MOGUCNOSTI VMS-a

Posle napornog i visegodisnjeg rada, grupa entuzijasta na
celu sa Dr Gojkom Rumbabom Lakijem dosla je do zapanjujucih
saznanja o mogucnostima operativnog sistema VMS. Ovde je
samo manji deo nedokumentovanih naredbi.
Budite oprezni u njihovom koriscenju.
1. KILL/OPERATOR
Ovom naredbom mozete ukloniti neljubaznog ili dosadnog
operatora koji ne zeli da vam dozvoli da odnesete kuci
toliko zeljeni stampac ili MicroVAX.
2. JUMP
Naredba uzrokuje skakanje sistema u nepoznatom pravcu.
3. GAUSS
Ovo je programski paket koji pise sledeci tom sa
jednim od mnogobrojnih radova velikog matematicara.
4. TAX
Izaziva trenutno ubiranje poreza od svih prisutnih
korisnika, i uplatu tih para stedionici.
5. SET OPERATOR/NAME=
Ovom naredbom mozete promeniti operatora.
Primer: SET OPERATOR/NAME="LASLO"
u jednom trenutku sistem podrzava maksimalno 15 lasla.
6. RENAME/USER old_name new_name
Slicno prethodnom.
Primer: RENAME/USER JEREMI32085D MARILYN_MONROE
posle cega dosadnog suseda mozete izvesti na
veceru!
7. SET MANAGER/NAME=
Ovim se automatski postavlja novi upravnik RC-a.
8. TSAYA
Programski paket prirodne inteligencije (NI) specijalno
oformljen
elektrotehnike.
za 'user friendly' komunikaciju sa studentima =09 
Opcije: /EXAM /NOEXAM
9. RILE
Naredba za ocenjivanje domacih zadataka iz predmeta PJIMP.
10. MUSIC
Pretvara lineprinter u ritam masinu i scratch-uje diskovima.
Preporucljivo je pre ove naredbe pretvoriti operatore u crnce.
11. PLOT6
Novi programski paket pisan u FORTRAN-u, podrzava do sad
nevidene graficke funkcije:
DROP_INK (color)
LITTLE_FLOWER (size,x,y)
BIG_FROG (size,x,y)
RANDOM_LINE (x1,y1,x2,y2,color)
UNCLE_GLISHA (color)

ZHWRLJ (size,x,y)
S_M (size,color,x,y)
12. TURK
Ovom naredbom se postize da racunar pere noge i klanja
pet puta dnevno.
Opcije: /FUNDAMENTAL /NOFUNDAMENTAL
13. BOORECK
Izaziva mascenje tastature.
Opcije: /MESSO /SEER /YOGURTH /NOYOGURTH
14. LABAN
Programski paket za iskazivanje i dokazivanje teorema.
Opcije: /ZAISTA /NOZAISTA
Primer:
Teorema 4.12.833: Neka je x iz skupa R i x<>pi/2+k*pi,
k iz Z. Zaista, tada je tg x + ctg x = (1+c)tg x.
Dokaz: Sledi na osnovu teoreme 3.32.543 i
Laban-Gausovog stava.
15. INQUIRE
Utvrduje sta sve na sebi ima koleginica za susednim
terminalom.
Opcije: /SIZE /SHOESIZE
16. NJANJA
Samo za koleginice. Izaziva dolazak dobrog druga koji
ce vam napisati domaci zadatak.
17. HALSTEAD
Programski paket za predvidanje buducnosti.
Automatski ispravlja sve greske koje cete tek napraviti.
------------------------------------------- 344--=========================
346 Za !zsdsz
Od kale
06.05.Ned 03:20 123 chr
-------------------------------------------------->>

Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu =09 

Sta ono bese minut jednolicnog "tuuuuuuuuu"? Prestanak opasnosti?

------------------------------------------- 346--=========================
348 Za !zsdsz
Od pogo
06.05.Ned 18:11 1207 chr
--------------------------------------------------Upoznaje se Mujo sa zenskom i kaze:
- Drago mi je ja se zovem Mujo. A kako se ti zoves ?
- Izabela.
- Iza cega?!
Rodili se Muji blizanci. Pita ga Haso:

- Jesu li tvoji blizanci jednojajcani ili dvojajcani?

- Nemam pojma. Jedno je dvojajcano a drugo je zensko.
Slicnost izmedju sexa i revolucije:
U oba slucaja stradaju nevini.

Znacenje
HDZ SDS SDP HMP -

skracenica pojedinih stranaka u Hrvatskoj:

Hrvatska Do Zemuna
Srbija Do Siska
Samo Da Prodemo
Heavy Metal Party

Znacenje skracenica pojedinih nepostojecih stranaka u Hrvatskoj:

HPSS - Hajduk Prvak '71 '72 (Program: Vratiti Kukoca u Hajduk)
SSS - Stranka Sitih Svega
KVP - Kako Vitar Puse
SSK u koaliciji sa BDUDDz - Savez Suva Ku.ca u koaliciji sa
Bez Dinara U Dzepu
'Strucni' izrazi u 'HHHHHHHHHrvatskom' jeziku:
- Sucelje, spojiste = interface
- oktet = byte
- sloviste = tastatura
- pricuva = rezerva
- dalekopisac = teleprinter
- slozaj = stack
'Nestrucni' izrazi u 'HHHHHHHHHrvatskom' jeziku:
- pricuvni casnik = rezervni oficir
- svjetlarnik = prozor
- krugovalni nevjeza = radio amater
- krugovalni brzoglas = bezicni telefon
------------------------------------------- 348--=========================
369 Za !zsdsz
Od vkrstonosic
07.05.Pon 16:25 196 chr
--------------------------------------------------Ide Mujo ulicom i u desnoj ruci nosi svoju levu ruku i oko. =09 
Sretne ga Fata:
- Bolan Mujo, sta ti je ?
- Ma pusti, kladio sam se sa Hasom u oko, da ne moze
da mi iscupa ruku.
------------------------------------------- 369--=========================
460 Za !zsdsz
Od imarusic
11.05.Pet 20:53 164 chr
--------------------------------------------------Ako sa balkona bacite istovremeno upaljenu svijetiljku i macku,
i oboje padnu na zemlju u isto vrijeme, sta zakljucujete?

Da macka pada brzinom svijetlosti!

------------------------------------------- 460--=========================
538 Za !zsdsz
Od zddb
14.05.Pon 13:03 404 chr
--------------------------------------------------U basci hotela "Evropa" u Sarajevu sjede Suljo i Mujo, piju kahvu i
ubijaju vrijeme. U neko doba puce top koji najavljuje Bajram. Suljo
se trze i upita Muju: "Sta to, bolan bi?"
Mujo, poslije duze pauze, odgovori:
"Vraca se Nijaz Durakovic sa sjednice u Beogradu ..."
Poslije izvjesnog vremena opet puce, a Suljo opet upita: "A sta je
sad ovo?"
Mujo odgovori: "Valjda ga nisu pogodili isprve!"
------------------------------------------- 538--=========================
576 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
16.05.Sre 02:33 5732 chr
--------------------------------------------------[Sa vecerasnjeg Kluba programera]
----------------------------Spava Mujo i odjednom u gluvo doba neko lupa u prozor. Probudi
se Mujo i cuje kako neko sapuce:
- Mujo, jebu tvoju Fatu.
Pogleda Mujo pored sebe, vidi Fata lepo spava, okrene se i on
i opet zaspi. Posle nekog vremena opet neko lupa u prozor.
Opet se Mujo probudi i cuje kako neko sapuce:
- Mujo, jebu tvoju Fatu.
Pogleda on, Fata i dalje spava. Nista, opet i on legne. Posle
kratkog vremena opet ista prica, probudi se Mujo i sav besan
istrci da vidi ko ga zeza. Medutim, tek sto je on istrcao
usunja se Haso, ude u njegovu sobu i navali na Fatu. Za to
vreme Mujo stigne do prozora, gleda kroz njega, gleda i
mrmlja:
- Au sejtana, odavde stvarno izgleda k'o da je neko jebe!
----------------------------U gluvo doba noci ulazi pandur u stanicu go k'o pistolj.
Presretne ga komandir smene i pita sta je bilo, a on pocne da
prica:
- Bio sam na zurci. I tek u neko doba ustane jedna devojka i
kaze 'sad neka se sve zenske skinu'. One se stvarno skinu.
Onda ona kaze 'Sad nek se muski skinu'. Gledam ja, svi se
skidaju, skinem se i ja. Ona opet kaze 'Sad gasi svetlo'. Neko

ugasi svetlo. Najzad ona kaze 'A sad, muski na posao!'. I ja

doso...
----------------------------Bosanac - to nije nacionalnost. To je dijagnoza.
----------------------------Juri Mujo na motoru kroz Sarajevo i urla:
- Ovo je Kavasaki!!! Ko jos ima ovakav!!
Sede ljudi okolo, piju kahvu, niko se ne odaziva. Posle 5
minuta ponovo nalece Mujo brzinom od 160 na sat i vice:
- Ovo je Kavasaki!!! Ko jos ima ovakav!!
Ljudi nista, kahva, cibuk... samo malo kasljucaju od prasine.
Posle 3 minuta eto Muje opet, sad juri na jednom tocku, leti,
i vice:
- Ovo je Kavasaki!!! Ko jos ima ovakav!!
Digla se grdna prasina i najzad ustane Haso pa vikne:
- E vala ja imam, isti taki!
- A gde su bolan kocnice???
----------------------------Sede dva pecarosa i jedan stalno izvlaci ribe a drugi nista da
ulovi. Najzad onaj sto nista nije ulovio pita kolegu:
- Ajd mi bre reci kako ti uspeva da toliko ulovis, kolege smo,
nije stos da ja nista ne uhvatim...
- Pa kako ti stoji kurac, desno ili levo?
- Levo.
- E ne valja ti tako, stavi ga desno.
Gurne ovaj ruku u pantalone kad malo posle pocnu i njemu da nalecu ribe. Zadovoljan, pita:
- A sta rade oni sto im kurac stoji pravo?
- Jebu nam zene dok mi pecamo!
----------------------------Razboleo se covek od neke cudne bolesti - od cela mu pocinje
neki strasan bol pa ga boli preko lobanje, pa niz kicmu...
Isao on kod raznih lekara, niko da mu pomogne. Najzad cuje za
nekog izvrsnog francuskog lekara, ode u Pariz, i pocne:
- Doktore, muci me strasan bol, pocinje od cela pa preko
lobanje, niz kicmu, ne mogu da zivim!

- Au, znam tu bolest, to je strasno opasno, najzad moze od

toga da se umre, ali srecom ima leka - odsecemo ti kurac i
vise te nece boleti.
- U... doktore gde kurac.... Pa kako cu posle...
- Jeste strasno ali ako to ne uradimo, mozes i da umres...
Sta ce kud ce, covek pristane, odseku mu kurac i stvarno bol
prestane. Pocne on tako srecan/tuzan da seta Parizom i resi da
sasije lepo odelo - ionako su u Parizu najbolji krojaci. Ode
on kod krojaca, ovaj mu uzme meru, ispita ga za razne stvari i
najzad pita:
- A gde drzite kurac, desno ili levo?
- Sto je to vazno?
- Pa vazno je, obicno sijemo odela tako da kurac stoji levo
jer kod nekih ljudi dok ga drze desno javi se neki strasan bol
koji pocinje od cela pa ide preko lobanje, niz kicmu...
----------------------------Ulazi Muja kod lekara i sa vrata vice:
- KASTRACIJA!
- Crni Mujo, pa to je strasna operacija, kud ti to pada na
pamet...
- KASTRACIJA! Poslala me Fata na KASTRACIJU.
- Ama covece nije valjda da se i ona slaze?
- Jakako se slaze, ona me i poslala. KASTRACIJA!
Potpise Mujo papire i doktor mu odsece kurac. Vraca se Mujo
kuci a zena ga pita:
- AU kolko ti dugo daju tu vakcinu....
Na to se Mujo lupi po celu i pocne da vice:
- VAKCINACIJA!! VAKCINACIJA!!! =09 
----------------------------Dosao Mujo na stanicu i trazi:
- Daj mi bolan povratnu kartu.
- Dokle?
- Pa dovde, sta mislis!
----------------------------Dosao nas politicar u posetu SAD i medu ostalima ga primio
Sulc. Pricaju oni tako i Sulc najzad pita:

- Jel to istina da ste vi u Jugoslaviji toliko glupi?

- Taman posla, otkud bi to bilo???
- Pa evo, recimo, kazite mi ko je to sin moga oca a nisam ja?
Mislio nas predstavnik, mislio, mislio i ne moze da se seti.
- Pojma nemam.
- Pa moj burazer! Jeste stvarno glupi.
Vrati se politicar kuci i na sednici predsednistva podnese
izvestaj, lepo ga primili itd, itd, i najzad kaze:
- Jedino sto su rekli da ste vi svi glupi!
- Kako bre glupi?
- Pa evo - kazite mi ko je to sin moga oca a nisam ja?
Zamislili se ostali, konsultovali, zvali okolo i najzad kazu:
- Nemamo pojma!
- E jel vidite da ste glupi!
- Dobro, ajd nam kazi ko je to sin tvoga oca a nisi ti!
- Evo da vam kazem: Sulcov burazer!
----------------------------Uhvatili coveka na carini i nasli mu u kuferu note.
- Sta je ovo?
- Betovenove note.
- E, nas si nasao da zezas, to su neke sifre.
Odvedu oni njega u zatvor, drzali ga tamo dva dana bez hrane i
vode i najzad ga pitaju:
- Sta je ovo? =09 
- Betovenove note.
- Ma nemoj!
Drzali ga oni i dalje, ubili boga u njemu od batina i pitaju
ga:
- Ajd sad lepo priznaj, sta je ovo!
- Betovenove note!
- Ajde bre covece, ne budi lud, olaksaj sebi... K'o da mi sami
ne znamo sta je, eno ga Betoven u susednoj celiji jos prvog
dana priznao...

------------------------------------------- 576--=========================
702 Za !zsdsz
Od bojt
21.05.Pon 02:00 468 chr
--------------------------------------------------U ekspediciju na Mars krenu Amerikanac, Rus i Bosanac. Amerikanac
ponese sa sobom pet dobrih riba, Rus 100 litara vodke a Bosanac 200
boksova cigareta. Posle godinu dana vracaju se sa Marsa i, posto su
se otvorila vrata vasionskog broda, izlazi prvo Amerikanac u
zagrljaju pet dobrih riba i sa blazenim osmehom na licu; za njim
ide Rus mrtav pijan a poslednji Bosanac koji drzeci u ruci
neupaljenu cigaretu spopada prisutne: "Ima'l ko vatre? Ima'l ko
vartre?"
------------------------------------------- 702--=========================
707 Za !zsdsz
Od kale
21.05.Pon 05:01 238 chr
--------------------------------------------------Sta ima novo u zemlji?
Tito primio Causeskua.
------------------------------------------------------------------Ko ima najtvrde dupe u Jugoslaviji?
Jovanka. Jedan je sutnuo i otpala mu noga!
------------------------------------------- 707--=========================
780 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
25.05.Pet 04:01 665 chr
--------------------------------------------------==========================
ask.bix/info.cbix2 #1184, from richard.pini, 471 chars,
Wed May 23 16:17:41 1990
This is a comment to message 1180.
--------------------------
I suspect he meant that the=individual
09 
who was responsible for
defining ketchup as a vegetable is himself a vegetable.
Ronald and Nancy went out to a fine restaurant one evening for
dinner. They were seated and the waiter asked Nancy what she
would have for the appetizer; she replied,
"The pate."
"And for the soup?"
"I'll have the cream of asparagus."
"And for the entree?"
"The rack of lamb."
"And for the vegetable?"
"Oh, he'll have the same as me..."
------------------------------------------- 780---

=========================
801 Za !zsdsz
Od balinda
25.05.Pet 23:20 305 chr
--------------------------------------------------Kupili Perici bicikl i on, napravivsi jedan krug, kaze:
- Mamaaa, vidi! Vozim bez jedne ruke!
Posle izvesnog vremena, Perica se opet pojavi pred kucom:
- Mama, vidi. Vozim bez obe ruke....
Malo kasnije:
- Mamaaa! Vidi ja bez ruku i bez nogu!
I na kraju:
- Mama, vidi! Ja bez zubu!
------------------------------------------- 801--=========================
802 Za !zsdsz
Od balinda
25.05.Pet 23:21
74 chr
--------------------------------------------------Zasto Mujo ne ide bos kroz sumu?
Plasi se da se ne primi!
------------------------------------------- 802--=========================
810 Za !zsdsz
Od madamov
26.05.Sub 13:01 932 chr
--------------------------------------------------Iz prvog broja Nezavisnih novina, od 18.05.1990.
**************************************************
Sreo Ljatif komsiju Srbina.
-Sta je, komsija, sto si tako neraspolozen?
-Ma pusti, bolestan nam Sloba.
-A ko ce da ga zameni ako umre?
-Vuk.
-Pa sto ga ne lecite?
************************************************** =09 
Kako Titogradani zovu svoj dnevni list "Pobjedu"?
Politikin Zabavnik.
**************************************************
Sta znaci BMX ?
Branko Mikulic Svojerucno.
*************************************************
Sta izvuce Sloba kad kupi dva kinder jajeta?
Momira Bulatovica i Mila Dukanovica.

*************************************************
Za vreme bitke na Sutjesci utrcava kurir kod Tita.
-Druze Tito, poginuo Sava Kovacevic !
Tito se trze, ustane i pogleda na sat.
- Sta, zar je vec devet sati.
**************************************************
------------------------------------------- 810--=========================
817 Za !zsdsz
Od imarusic
26.05.Sub 15:32 438 chr
--------------------------------------------------Uhvatio Mujo zlatnu ribicu i ona ce njemu:
- Ako me pustis, ispunicu ti svaku zelju.
Mujo zazeli da je bogat, da ga svi slusaju i da ima dobru zenu.
Ribica kaze: Nema problema, samo me pusti i ujutro kad se
probudis sve ce ti biti ispunjeno.
Otisao Mujo kuci, zaspao, kad ujutro se budi u krevetu sa
baldahinom, sluga tiho otvara prozore, a zgodna zena ga
pazljivo budi:
"Ustaj, Ferdinande. Idemo u Sarajevo."
------------------------------------------- 817--=========================
821 Za !zsdsz
Od dpozaric
26.05.Sub 18:25 545 chr
--------------------------------------------------Dosao crnac u Sahari do oaze, nagne se da se napije vode kad ono
*puf* i pred njim se stvori dobri duh u boci.
Otvori crnac bocu, duh izadje i obeca da ce crncu ispuniti tri zelje
koje zazeli.
Misli crnac, moja crna koza je velika prepreka na putu do uspjeha.
Zatim, nigdje dobrog zenskog dupeta da se nagledam ni vode da se
napijem. I kaze: hocu biti bijel, hocu da cijelog zivota po meni
tece voda i da stalno gledam guzice.
I, crnac postane WC skoljka...
--------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------- 821--=========================
824 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
27.05.Ned 02:13
61 chr
--------------------------------------------------Kako se na engleskom kaze "Zdravo, drustvo"?

Hi Society!
------------------------------------------- 824--=========================
855 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
29.05.Uto 03:29 1299 chr
--------------------------------------------------PUKOVNIK PRENOSI NAREDENJE MAJORU
Sutra uvece, oko 20 casova Halley-eva kometa ce biti vidljiva
u ovom podrucju. Ova pojava se desava jednom u 75 godina.
Recite vasim ljudima da se pojave u krugu kasarne u radnoj
uniformi, a ja cu im objasniti ovaj fenomen. U slucaju kise,
jasno, nece se nista vidieti, pa sakupite ljude u sali i ja cu
projektovati film o kometi.
MAJOR PRENOSI KAPETANU
Po pukovnikovoj naredbi, sutra oko 20 casova, pojavice se
iznad kruga kasarne Halley-eva kometa. U slucaju kise dovedite
ljude u radnim uniformamama, smestite ih u salu, gde ce videti
retku pojavu sto se dogada jednom u 75 godina.
KAPETAN PORUCNIKU
Po naredenju pukovnika sutra uvece, u radnim uniformama, oko
20 casova, pojavice se u sali cuvena Halley-eve kometa. U
slucaju kise, pukovnik ce u krugu kasarne izdati jedno
naredenje, sto se dogada jednom svakih 75 godina.
PORUCNIK NAREDNIKU
Sutra oko 20 casova pojavice se pukovnik na Halley-evoj kometi
u sali obucen u uniformu. Ovo se u slucaju kise dogada jednom
svakih 75 godina. Pukovnik ce doneti kometu u krug kasarne.
NAREDNIK VOJNICIMA
Kada sutra oko 20 casova udari kisa, cuveni general Halley sa
svojih 75 godina pojavice se u pratnji pukovnika vozeci svoju
kometu u salu, obucen u radnoj uniformi.
------------------------------------------- 855-- =09 
=========================
878 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
30.05.Sre 02:40 6040 chr
--------------------------------------------------THE CONTRIBUTIONS OF EDSEL MURPHY
TO THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE BEHAVIOR
OF INANIMATE OBJECTS
I. Introduction
It has long been the consideration of the author that the
contributions of Edsel Murphy, specifically his general and
special laws delineating the behavior of inanimate objects,
have not been fully appreciated. It is deemed that this is, in

large part, due to the inherent simplicity of the law itself.

It is the intent of the author to show, by references drawn
from the literature, that the law of Murphy has produced
numerous corollaries. It is hoped that by noting these
examples, the reader may obtain a greater appreciation of
Edsel Murphy, his law, and its ramifications in engineering
and science.
As well known to those versed in the state-of-the-art,
Murphy's Law states that "If anything can go wrong, it will."
Or. to state it in more exact mathematical form: 1 + 1 (=) 2
where (=) is the mathematical symbol for hardly ever.
Some authorities have held that Murphy's Law was first
expounded by H. Cohen when he stated that "If anything con go
wrong, it will-during the demonstration." however, Chohen has
made it clear that the broader scope of Murphy's general law
obviously takes precedence.
To show the all-pervasive nature of Murphy's work, the author
offers a small sample of the application of the law in
electronics engineering.
II. General Engineering
II.1 A patent application will be preceded by one week by a
similar application made by an independent worker.
II.2 The more innocuous a design change appears, the further
its influence will extend.
II.3 All warranty and guarantee clauses become void upon
payment of invoice.
II.4 The necessity of making a major design change increases
as the fabrication of the system approaches completion.
II.5 Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to
the tightness of the schedule.
II.6 Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable
terms. Velocity, for example will be expressed in furlongs per
fortnight.
II.7
haveAnbeen
important
discarded
instruction
by the receiving
manual ordepartment.
operating manual will =09 
II.8 Suggestions made by the value analysis group will
increase costs and reduce capabilities.
II.9 Original drawings will be mangled by the copying machine.
III. Mathematics
III.1 In any given miscalculation, the fault will never be
placed if more than one person is involved.
III.2 Any error that can creep in, will. It will be in the
direction that will do the most damage to the calculation.

III.3 All constants are variables.

III.4 A decimal will always be misplaced.
III.5 In any given computation, the figure that is most
obviously correct will be the source of error.
III.6 In a complex calculation, one factor from the numerator
will always move into the denominator.
IV. Prototyping and Production
IV.1 Any wire cut to length will be too short.
IV.2 Tolerances will accumulate undirectionally toward maximum
difficulty of assembly.
IV.3 Identical units tested under identical conditions will
not be identical in the field.
IV.4 The availability of a component is inversely proportional
to the need for that component.
IV.5 If a project requires n components, there will be n-1
units in stock.
IV.6 If a particular resistance is needed, that value will not
be available. Further, it cannot be developed with any
available series or parallel combinations.
IV.7 A dropped tool will land where it can do the most damage.
(Also known as the law of selective gravitation.)
IV.8 A device selected at random from a group having 99%
reliability, will be a member of the 1% group.
IV.9 When one connects a 3-phase line, the phase sequence will
be wrong.
IV.10 A motor will rotate in the wrong direction.
IV.11 The probability of a dimension being omitted from a plan
or drawing is directly proportional to its importance.
IV.12 Interchangeable parts won't.
 IV.13
=09  Probability of failure of a component, assembly,
subsystem or system is inversely proportional to ease of
repair or replacement.
IV.14 If a prototype functions perfectly, subsequent
production units will malfunction.
IV.15 Components that must not and cannot be assembled
improperly will be.
IV.16 A d.c. meter will be used on an overly sensitive range
and will be wired in backwards.
IV.17 The most delicate component will drop.

IV.18 Graphics recorders will deposit more ink on humans than

on paper.
IV.19 If a circuit cannot fail, it will.
IV.20 A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
IV.21 An instantaneous power-supply crowbar circuit will
operate too late.
IV.22 A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will
protect the fuse by flowing first.
IV.23 A self-starting oscillator won't.
IV.24 A crystal oscillator will oscillate at the wrong
frequency - if it oscillates.
IV.25 A pnp transistor will be an npn.
IV.26 A zero-temperature-coeficient capacitor used in a
critical circuit will have a TC of -750/oC
IV.27 A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final
inspection.
IV.28 A purchased component or instrument will meet its specs
long enough, and long enough, to pass incoming inspection.
V.1 A specified environmental conditions will always be
exceeded.
V.2 Any safety factor set as a result of practical experience
will be exceeded.
V.3 Manufacturer's spec sheets will be incorrect by a factor
of 0.5 or 2.0, depending on which multiplier gives the most
optimistic value. For salesmen's claims these factors will be
0.1 or 10.0.
V.4 In an instrument of device characterized by a number of
plus-or-minus errors, the total error will be the sum of all
errors adding in the same direction.
V.5 In any given price estimate, cost of equipment will exceed
estimate by a factor of 3. =09 
V.6 In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
[Preuzeto sa WILDCAT BBS-a]
------------------------------------------- 878--=========================
879 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
30.05.Sre 02:41 1305 chr
--------------------------------------------------The Perfect Programmer

"No program is that perfect."

They said with a shrug.
"The client is happy..
What's one little bug?"
But he was determined.
The others went home.
He dug out the flow chart
Deserted, alone.
Night passed into morning
The room was cluttered
With memory dumps, microfiche,
"I'm close," he muttered.
Chain smoking, cold coffee,
Logic, deduction.
"I've got it," he cried. "just
change one instruction."
Then change two, then
As year followed
And strangers would
"Is that guy still

three more
year.
comment.
here?"

He died at the console

Of hunger and thirst.
Next day he was buried
Face down, nine edge first.
And his wife through her tears.
Accepted his fate.
Said, "He's not really gone,
He's just working late."
[Preuzeto sa WILDCAT BBS-a]
------------------------------------------- 879-- =========================
=09 
880 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
30.05.Sre 02:41 11108 chr
--------------------------------------------------A long-overdue attack on Natural Childbirth

Let's take just a quick look at the history of baby-having.

For thousands of years only women had babies. Primitive women
would go off into primitive huts and groan and wail and sweat
while other women hovered around. The primitive may stayed
outside doing manly things, such as lifting heavy objects and
spitting.

When the baby was born, the women would clean it up as best
they could and show it to the men, who would spit
appreciatively and head off to the forest to throw sharp
sticks at small animals. If you had suggested to primitive men
that they should actually watch women have babies, they would
have laughed at you and probably tortured you three or four
days. They were real men.
At the beginning of the 20th Century, women started having
babies in hospital rooms. Often males were present, but they
were professional doctors who were paid large sums of money
and wore masks. Normal civilian males continued to stay out of
the baby-having area; they remained in waiting rooms reading
old copies of Field and Stream, an activity that is less manly
than lifting heavy objects but still reasonably manly.
What I'm getting at is that for most of history, baby-having
was mainly in the hands (so to speak) of women. Many fine
people were born under this system. Charles Lindburgh, for
example.
Things changed, though, in the 1970's. The birth rate dropped
sharply. Women started going to college and driving bulldozers
and carrying briefcases and freely using words such as
"debenture". They just didn't have time to have babies. For a
while there, the only people having babies were unwed teenage
girls, who were very fertile and could get pregnant merely by
standing downwind from teenage boys.
Then, young professional couples began to realize their lives
were missing something; a sense of stability, of
companionship, of responsibility for another life. So they got
Labrador Retrievers. A little later, they started having
babies again, mainly because of the tax advantages. These days
you can't open your car door without hitting a pregnant women.
But there's a catch: Women now expect men to watch them have
babies. This is called "natural childbirth", which is one of
those terms that sounds terrific but that nobody understands.
Another one is "PH balanced".
At first, natural childbirth was popular only with hippietype, granola-oriented couples who lived in geodesic domes and
named their babies things like Peace Love World Understanding
Harrington-Schwartz. The males, their brains badly corroded by
Meaningful
Experience
is tosmarmy
see aarticles
New Lifeabout
Come what
Into a
The=09 
drugs
and organic
food,itwrote
World. None of these articles mentioned the various other
fluids and solids that come into the world with the New Life,
so people got the impression that watching somebody having a
baby was just a peck of meaningful fun. At cocktail parties,
you'd run into natural-childbirth converts who would drone on
for hours, giving you a contraction-by-contraction account of
what went on in the delivery room. They were worse than
Moonies, or people who tell you how much they bought their
houses for in 1976 and how much they're worth today.
Before long, natural childbirth was everywhere, like salad
bars; and now, perfectly innocent civilian males all over the
country are required by federal law to watch females having
babies. I recently had to watch my wife have a baby.

First, we had to go to 10 evening childbirth classes at the

hospital. Before the classes, the hospital told us,
mysteriously, to bring two pillows. This was my first
humiliation because no two of our pillowcases match and many
have beer or cranberry-juice stains. It may be possible to
walk down the streets of Kuala Lumpar with stained, unmatched
pillowcases and still feel dignified, but this is not possible
in American hospitals.
Anyway, we showed up for the first class, along with about 15
other couples consisting of women who were going to have
babies and men who were going to have to watch them. They all
had matching pillowcases. If fact, some had previously
purchased tasteful pillowcases especially for childbirth
class; these were the trendy couples, wearing golf and tennis
apparel, who were planning to have wealthy babies. They sat
together through all the classes, and eventually agreed to get
together for brunch.
The classes consisted of sitting in a brightly lit room and
openly discussing, among other things, the uterus. Now I can
remember a time that I would have killed for reliable
information on the uterus. But having discussed it at length,
having seen actual full-color diagrams, I must say in all
honesty that although I respect it a great deal as an organ,
it has lost much of its charm.
Our instructor was very big on the uterus because that's where
babies generally spend their time before birth. She also spent
some time on the ovum, which is near the ovaries. What happens
is the ovum hangs around reading novels and eating chocolates
until along comes this crowd of spermatozoa, which are very
tiny, very stupid one-celled organisms. They're looking for
the ovum, but most of them wouldn't know it if they fell over
it. They swim around for days, trying to mate with the
pancreas and whatever other organs they bump into. But
eventually one stumbles into the ovum, and the happy couple
parades down the Fallopian tubes to the uterus.
In the uterus, the Miracle of Life begins, unless you believe
the Miracle of Life does not begin there, and if you think I'm
going to get into that, you're crazy. Anyway, the ovum starts
growing rapidly and dividing into lots of specialized parts,
not unlike the federal government. Within six weeks, it has
has the ability
cry initrestaurants.
In childbirth
class,
developed
all thetoorgans
needs to drool;
by 10 weeks,
it =09 
they showed us actual pictures of a fetus developing in a
uterus. They didn't tell us how these pictures were taken, but
I suspect it involved a great deal of drinking.
We saw lots of pictures. One evening, we saw a movie of a
woman we didn't even know having a baby. I am serious. Some
woman actually let moviemakers film the whole thing. In color.
She was from California. Another time, the instructor
announced, in the tone of voice that you might use to tell
people they had won a trip to Hawaii, that we were going to
see color slides of a Caesarian section. The first slides
showed a pregnant woman cheerfully entering the hospital. The
last slides showed her cheerfully holding a baby. The middle
slides showed how the got the baby out of the cheerful woman,

but I can't give you a lot of detail here because I had to go

out for 15 or 20 drinks of water. I do remember that at one
point our instructor cheerfully observed that there was
"surprisingly little blood, really". She evidently felt this
was a real selling point.
When we weren't looking at pictures or discussing the uterus,
we practiced breathing. This is what happens when the baby
gets ready to leave the uterus, the woman goes through a
series of what the medical community laughingly refers to as
"contractions". If it referred to them as "horrible pains that
make you wonder why the hell you ever decided to get
pregnant", people might stop having babies and the medical
community would have to go into the major-appliance business.
In the old days, under President Eisenhower, doctors avoided
the contraction problems by giving lots of drugs to women
having babies. They'd knock them out during the delivery, and
the women would wake up when their kids were entering the
fourth grade. But the idea with natural childbirth is to try
to avoid giving the woman a lot of drugs so she can share the
first intimate moments after birth with the baby and father
and the obstetrician and the pediatrician and the standby
anesthesiologist and several nurses and the person who cleans
the delivery room.
The key to avoiding drugs, according to the natural-childbirth
people, is for the woman to breath deeply. Really. The theory
is that if she breaths deeply, she'll get all relaxed and
won't notice that she's in a hospital delivery room wearing a
truly perverted garment and having a baby. I'm not sure who
came up with the theory. Whoever it was evidently believed
that women have very small brains. So, in childbirth classes,
we spend a lot of time sprawled out on these mats with our
pillows while the women pretended to have contractions and the
men squatted around with stopwatches and pretended to time
them. The trendy couples didn't care for this part. They were
not into squatting. After a couple of classes, they started
bringing little backgammon sets and playing backgammon when
they were supposed to be practicing breathing. I imagine they
had a rough time in actual childbirth, unless they got the
servants to have contractions for them.
Anyway, my wife and I traipsed along for months, breathing and
timing, respectively. We had no problems whatsoever. We were a
terrific team. We had a swell time. Really. =09 
The actual delivery was slightly more difficult. I don't want
to name names, but I held up my end. I had my stopwatch in
good working order and I told my wife to breath. "Don't forget
to breath", I'd say, or, "you should breath, you know". She,
on the other hand, was unusually cranky. For example, she
didn't want me to use my stopwatch. Can you imagine? All that
practice, all that squatting on the natural-childbirth
classroom floor, and she suddenly gets into this big snit
about stopwatches. Also, she almost completely lost her sense
of humor. At one point, I made an especially amusing remark,
and she tried to hit me. She usually has an excellent sense of
humor.
Nonetheless, the baby came out alright, or least alright for

newborn babies, which is actually pretty awful unless your a

fan of slime. I thought I had held up well when the doctor,
who up to then had behaved like a perfectly rational person,
said, "Would you like to see the placenta?". Now lets face it:
That is like asking, "Would you like me to pour hot tar into
your nostrils?". Nobody would like to see a placenta. If
anything, it would be a form of punishment.
Jury: We find the defendant guilty of stealing from the old
and crippled.
Judge: I sentence the defendant to look at three placentas.
But without waiting for an answer, the doctor held up the
placenta, not unlike the way you might hold up a bowling
trophy. I bet he wouldn't have tried that with people who have
matching pillowcases.
The placenta aside, everything worked out fine. We ended up
with an extremely healthy, organic, natural baby, who
immediately demanded to be put back into the uterus.
All in all, I'd say it's not a bad way to reproduce, although
I understand that some members of the flatworm family simply
divide into two.
[Preuzeto sa WILDCAT BBS-a]
------------------------------------------- 880--=========================
896 Za !zsdsz
Od ?
30.05.Sre 24:00 578 chr
--------------------------------------------------Zasto u Srbiji vise nema puzeva?
Cim dignu rogove u V, odmah ih zatuku.

Razgovaraju Hanibal, Aleksandar Makedonski, Hitler i Sloba:

Hanibal Aleksandru: E, da je meni bila tvoja vojska, osvojio
bih Rim.
Aleksandar Hitleru: E, da je meni bila tvoja avijacija,
osvojio bih svet.
Hitler Slobi:
E, da je meni bio tvoj Zika Minovic,
niko na svetu jos ne bi znao da sam
izgubio rat!

Zasto Sloba planira da poseti Tursku?

Da bi ih pitao kako se 500 godina vlada Srbima.
------------------------------------------- 896--=========================
909 Za !zsdsz
Od dpozaric
31.05.Cet 08:05 1429 chr
---------------------------------------------------

Sto radi Stevie Wonder na prekooceanskom brodu ?

- Glumi slijepog putnika.
Jeste li vidjeli zenu Steaviea Wondera ?
- Nije ni on...
Zasto S.W. mlatara glavom lijevo-desno dok pjeva?
- Trazi mikrofon...
---------------------------------------------------------------Uleti zec u lisicju jazbinu i prepadne se. Na srecu, mame lije
nije bilo unutra, nego samo mali lisicici. Zec se povrati od
straha pa drekne: "Sta ste blenuli, mater vam j***m !!!"
Lisici poceli urlati od straha, placu li placu...
Zec ode, dolazi mama lija i cudi se sto djeca placu.
Kazu:"Majko, bio je zeko i rekao da ce te j***ti !"
Lija se zaleti u potjeru za zecom. Nadje ga i pocne juriti,
zec pobjegne u neku rupu i lisica se zaglavi. Zec joj pridje
odostraga (izadje na drugi izlaz), podigne joj rep i kaze:
"Ja ne bih, ali obec'o sam djeci..."
----------------------------------------------------------------Ode Mujo u Njemacku na rad, a Fata ga kod kuce ceka. Ljudi se
cude kako Fata radodajka nikako da prevari Muju, i nikako da
shvate u cemu je stvar.
Vrati se Mujo nakon godinu dana, nije nigdje svratio nego
ravno kuci i ubi boga u Fati.
Susjedi kazu:"Bolan, Mujo, sto je tuces, pa bila ti je vjerna
kao nitko nikome..."
"Jes, a to sto sam ja godinu dana bio u Njemackoj, a ona mi ni
dinara nije poslala ???"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 909--=========================
911 Za !zsdsz
--------------------------------------------------Od bojt
31.05.Cet 10:58 126 chr =09 
Pita Mujo Fatu:
- Fato, umes li ti da racunas?
- Umem.
- E pa racunaj da ces nocas bit jebana!
------------------------------------------- 911---

=========================
948 Za !zsdsz
Od balinda
02.06.Sub 13:56 146 chr
--------------------------------------------------Malopre cuh na Studiju B:
(!?)
Razgovaraju Tudman i Durakovic:
- Zakaj BIH, zakaj ne HIB?
- Opasni smo kad smo odpozadi! ;)
------------------------------------------- 948--=========================
977 Za !zsdsz
Od genius
04.06.Pon 11:24
97 chr
--------------------------------------------------Zasto je kapetan Kuka umro?
----------------------------Obrisao je dupe(pogresnom rukom)!
------------------------------------------- 977--=========================
1008 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
06.06.Sre 02:01 148 chr
--------------------------------------------------Sex is like snow.
You never know how many inches you'll get, and how
long it will last
[Preuzeto sa UEK::JOKES, autor CATHY::DAISY]
------------------------------------------- 1008--=========================
1019 Za !zsdsz
Od ?
06.06.Sre 24:00
88 chr
--------------------------------------------------Sta se dobije kada se Makedonac potopi u vodu?
Prljava voda i cist Bugarin
------------------------------------------- 1019-- =========================
=09 
1428 Za !zsdsz
Od vkrstonosic
23.06.Sub 13:58
77 chr
--------------------------------------------------Kako Bosanac lovi zeca ???
Sakrije se u zbunje i zvizdi kao kupus.
------------------------------------------- 1428--=========================

1471 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
27.06.Sre 02:14 1321 chr
--------------------------------------------------[Sa vecerasnjeg Kluba programera]
- Znate li tuznu pricu o majci, ljubavi i psu?
- Jebo ti pas mater
------------------Vanzemaljac koji je ucio srpskohrvatski jezik iz recnika i
slusajuci emisije:
- Opstio ti zenski predak sa covekovim najboljim prijateljem.
------------------Crnogorac lezi u debelom hladu i drema. Odjedno vikne:
- Zenetino!!!
Zena dolazi.
- Donesi de onaj flomaster sto babo posla iz Amerike.
Zena donese.
- Zadigni mi kosulju na ledima.
Zena zadigne.
- E sad mi po ledima povuci sest horizontalnih linija.
Ona povuce.
- I sest vertikalnih
Ona povuce.
- Obelezi horizontalne sa A, B, C, D, E.
Ona obelezi.
- A vertikalne sa 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
I to obelezi. =09 
- E sad me pocesi na D2.
------------------Ulazi covek u kafanu, seda, i narucuje.
- Majku joj je*em, sto babetina vozi. Daj Jednu ljutu.
Donese kelner ljutu, covek naspe u grlo, klokloklo i
ispljune.
- Majku joj jeb*m, sto babetina vozi.

- Sta je bilo, pita kelner.

- Ma pusti, stopiram ja, stane
u kola, nagazi ona gas, 200 na
uleti da pretice sleper kad iz
Ja urliknem: "Spazi nas sad pa

jedna babetina. Sednem ja

sat, pretice sve, najzad
drugog pravca juri autobus.
da ti lizem".

- I, sta bi?
- Pu, majku joj j*bem, sto babetina vozi...
------------------------------------------- 1471--=========================
1513 Za !zsdsz
Od ekolonic
29.06.Pet 01:57 383 chr
--------------------------------------------------zaposlio se mlad novinar u otmjenoj novinskoj kuci
objasnili mu da se niposto ne smiju upotrebljavati neumjesne rijeci i
sl.
jednoga dana dobio zadatak da napise izvjestaj o saobracajnoj nesreci
u kojoj je bila povredjena poznata zvijezda tj njene grudi i...
Danas je u saobracjnoj nesreci povredjena poznata glumica
nije teze ozlijedjena osim sto su joj stradale (.)(.)
------------------------------------------- 1513--=========================
1570 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
04.07.Sre 02:09 657 chr
--------------------------------------------------Umrle tri komsinice i dolaze kod Svetog Petra.
Pita Sveti Petar prvu:
- Jesi li nekada prevarila muza?
- Jesam nekoliko puta za sve te godine...
- Pet godina pakla, tri godine cistilista i posle u raj.
Pita drugu:
- Jesi li ti prevarila muza?
 -=Nisam.
09 
- A pre braka?
- Pa, ovaj, jednom...
- Dve godine pakla, godina cistilista i posle u raj.
Pita trecu:
- Jesi li nekada prevarila muza?
- Nisam.

- A pre braka?
- Nisam to radila ni sa kim drugim.
- A jesi to radila sa muzem pre braka?
- Taman posla.
- Odlicno. Ides pravo u raj. Evo ti i bela krila.
- A sta ce mi krila?
- Pa, sve guske lete!
------------------------------------------- 1570--=========================
1571 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
04.07.Sre 02:09 927 chr
--------------------------------------------------[Nova tema chatter.comic sa BIX-a]
==========================
chatter/comic #1, from bozlee, 222 chars,
Mon Jul 2 22:44:26 1990
-------------------------TITLE: FIRST IN LINE!!!!
Hear the story about the guy who walks into a doctors office
with a duck on his head? The Doc says "What is the problem?"
The duck says, "would you believe this started out as a wart
on my butt?"
==========================
chatter/comic #2, from jenn, 403 chars,
Mon Jul 2 22:55:43 1990
-------------------------TITLE: Hmm...I'll refrain from saying that I'm behind
boz...hehe.. Two really stupid guys. Really stupid.
Driving down a street. The really stupid driver turns
to the really stupid passenger and asks if he'll
lean out the window and see if his blinkers are
working. The stupid passenger says 'Sure'.
Stupid driver says "Well, are they working?" Stupid
passenger says "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No...."
------------------------------------------- 1571--- =09 
=========================
1602 Za !zsdsz
Od lanik
06.07.Pet 01:25 1547 chr
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What glows and goes "Yow!"?
A lightning bug trying to make love to a lit cigarette!
-------------------------------------------------------------------Mrs. Prezocki is in the hospital.
She says, "Doctor, how long after my operation do I have to wait to
have sex?
He says, "You know, Mrs. Prezocki, you're the firs woman that ever

asked me that before a tonsillectomy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------A little old lady walks into the drug store.
She says to the guy behind the counter, "Have you got cotton balls?"
He says, "What do I look like, lady? A rag doll?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------Did you hear about the Polish mosquito?
Died of malaria!
-------------------------------------------------------------------Why did the Polish girl stop wearing her training bra?
The wheels were irritating her armpits!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------Dirty Johhny says to Loose Lisa, "Lisa, I'd really like to get in
your pants!"
She says, "Why, John?"
He says, "I just went in mine!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------Two fellows are walking along the beach. A seagull unloads on the
first guy's shoulder.
The second guy says, "You want me to get some toilet paper?"
The first guy says, "Nah, it's probably miles away by now!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1602--=========================
1624 Za !zsdsz
Od dejanr
07.07.Sub 04:29 3527 chr
--------------------------------------------------[Preuzeto sa DECnet-a, autor je izvesni Leon iz Amsterdama.
Ali moze se ponesto nauciti...]
Please stop complaining about the mail system. It works for us,
and we use it more than you do. If there are some features you
think might be missing, if the system isn't as simple to use
as you think it should be, TOUGH! Go back to writing letters,
we don't need you. See Figure 1.
--------------------------------!
_
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.-.! !.-.
!
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.-! ! ! !.-.
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!!
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!!=09 
!
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:
!
!
!
!
!
!
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!
--------------------------------Figure 1.
Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of
the features of our mail system:
1) Address Syntax.

We can understand lots of address formats. We take them in

and turn them around a few times until we something suitable
for sending out. Mixed syntax addresses get unmixed. We think
it's great. So, you don't want your addresses turned around?
You actually want to use mixed addresses? Too bad. You
shouldn't need to anyway. See Figure 1.
2) NRS addresses.
In the UK our domain addresses are the "other way round"
(like the way we drive on the left). But our mailer will take
your address in either order and figure out which way round
it should be. So mail to your Computer Science Dept. sometimes
goes to Czechoslovakia instead. Tough. Get Czechoslovakia to
change its name. Anyway, we told the JNT about the domain
ordering problem a long time ago. They said "See Figure 1".
3) Host Hiding.
Works just fine. All these machines look like one mail host,
and we have tables set up so mail coming in from anywhere is
sent to the machine with your mailbox on it. You can't access
that machine? Too bad. You can even try redirecting mail to
another machine. Of course, if its a machine we control we'll
probably send it right back again. Tough. See Figure 1.
4) Tailored Delivery.
We can do it. You can get a vacation program to automatically
reply to people who send you mail when you are away. Then their
vacation programs can reply to your vacation program. And your
vacation program can reply to their replies. But don't think you
can get away with all this junk mail for long, because we can
hit you with ...
5) Authorization.
We can stop sites sending mail or receiving mail through our
system. We can even pick on individual users. Oh, you mean you
can't send mail to us any more. Tough, we didn't want your
complaints anyway. See Figure 1.
6) Error messages.
If you don't understand them, ignore them. Why give yourself
aninstead.
ulcer? Try
Don'tsending
waste your
time message
mailing again,
us aboutorit,
elsewe're
use the
not phone =09 
interested. See Figure 1.
7) Performance.
Who needs it? If the machine is too slow for you, buy another
one. We'll keep this as the mail machine. Anyway, you wait until
X.400 arrives. We spoke to the OSI developers about performance,
they think a lot like we do, they said "See Figure 1".
In conclusion, love the mail system or leave it, but don't complain.
------------------------------------------- 1624---