1

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<font color="#00FF00"> The Simpsons 27x04 </font>
<font color="#00FFFF">Halloween of Horror</font>
Original Air Date on October 18 201

2
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== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

3
00:00:08,544 --> 00:00:10,210
Okay, Homie,

4
00:00:10,245 --> 00:00:11,545
I'm plugging it in.

5
00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:12,979
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

6
00:00:13,015 --> 00:00:15,382

The gravestones could be

a little more crooked.

7
00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:16,616
Oh!

8
00:00:16,652 --> 00:00:19,086
Let me just fluff up
these entrails.

9
00:00:19,121 --> 00:00:20,587
And...

10
00:00:20,622 --> 00:00:21,822
light it up.

11
00:00:22,891 --> 00:00:25,926
(wolf howls)
Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh.

12

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Halloween at
the Simpsons'.

13
00:00:27,696 --> 00:00:29,096
What a classic
tradition!

14
00:00:29,131 --> 00:00:30,597
Are you heading up
to the tree house

15
00:00:30,632 --> 00:00:32,632
to tell three
horrifying tales?

16
00:00:32,668 --> 00:00:34,267
Ah, we're doing
it next week.

17
00:00:34,303 --> 00:00:36,837

It's gonna be<i> Psycho</i>

with Skinner and his mom,

18
00:00:36,872 --> 00:00:39,339
Muppet<i> Wizard of Oz--</i>
I'm Scarecrow-Fozzie--

19
00:00:39,374 --> 00:00:42,509
and then, uh,
one where furniture gets smart

20
00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:44,277
and takes over the world
or something.

21
00:00:44,313 --> 00:00:46,012
Mmm!
Sounds chilling!

22
00:00:46,048 --> 00:00:47,414
Eh. People love it.

23
00:00:47,449 --> 00:00:50,083
Everscream Terrors
looks amazing this year.

24
00:00:50,119 --> 00:00:53,286
I've never seen black cats
with such arched backs.

25
00:00:53,322 --> 00:00:54,688
Well, you gotta bring it.

26
00:00:54,723 --> 00:00:57,157
Halloweening your house
is a dying art.

27
00:00:57,192 --> 00:00:59,793
More and more people are turning
off their porch lights

28

00:00:59,828 --> 00:01:02,696

and pretending they're not home.

29
00:01:02,731 --> 00:01:04,798
Halloween skippers.

30
00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:06,032
Skippers!

31
00:01:06,068 --> 00:01:07,601
How can you reject a holiday

32
00:01:07,636 --> 00:01:10,670
where you can serve candy
from a salad bowl?

33
00:01:10,706 --> 00:01:11,972
Bad news, Dad.

34
00:01:12,007 --> 00:01:13,373

You stored the plastic skeletons

35
00:01:13,408 --> 00:01:14,875
too close to the furnace.

36
00:01:14,910 --> 00:01:16,977
Eh, I'll take it
to the old folks' home

37
00:01:17,012 --> 00:01:18,812
and tell Grampa
it's his new roommate.

38
00:01:18,847 --> 00:01:20,046
Everyone in the car!

39
00:01:20,082 --> 00:01:21,515
We're making a skeleton run

40
00:01:21,550 --> 00:01:23,016

to the Halloween pop-up store.

41
00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:24,684
Ooh, while we're there

42
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,486
we can get a costume
for the dog.

43
00:01:26,522 --> 00:01:28,054
Nothing says you love a pet

44
00:01:28,090 --> 00:01:30,490
like letting him be part
of the human fun.

45
00:01:30,526 --> 00:01:32,559
Who wants to be a Yoda?

46
00:01:32,594 --> 00:01:35,028

You want
to be a Yoda!

47
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Ooh.

48
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:39,399
Ooh!

49
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:42,869
Oh, man, I can't
wait for tonight!

50
00:01:42,905 --> 00:01:44,304
I'm finally
old enough

51
00:01:44,339 --> 00:01:46,306
for Krustyland
Halloween Horror Night.

52
00:01:46,341 --> 00:01:47,808
Oh, yeah, they do it up right.

53
00:01:47,843 --> 00:01:49,476
Wait till you try
the black cotton candy.

54
00:01:49,511 --> 00:01:51,812
It tastes
just like cotton candy.

55
00:01:51,847 --> 00:01:54,080
Tomorrow, when my friends
ask me about it,

56
00:01:54,116 --> 00:01:57,017
I'm going to say, "Eh,
it wasn't that big a deal."

57
00:01:57,052 --> 00:01:59,986

But it's gonna be a really,

really big deal!

58
00:02:00,022 --> 00:02:01,822
Welcome, seasonal customer,

59
00:02:01,857 --> 00:02:03,423
to my pop-up emporium.

60
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:05,892
Behold my terrifying
joke name.

61
00:02:05,928 --> 00:02:07,227
A-boo!

62
00:02:07,262 --> 00:02:10,664
Hmm, you know, I actually
like that better.

63

00:02:10,699 --> 00:02:12,199

Hey, hey!

64
00:02:12,234 --> 00:02:13,433
Why are you
not working?

65
00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:15,268
'Cause I'm still coming down

66
00:02:15,304 --> 00:02:19,606
from huffing
all that glow stick juice, man.

67
00:02:19,641 --> 00:02:22,876
Oh, I'm strung out
on silly string.

68
00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:25,212
(sneezes)

69
00:02:25,247 --> 00:02:26,446
(groans)

70
00:02:26,481 --> 00:02:27,914
Go, go! Back to work!

71
00:02:27,950 --> 00:02:30,250
Go de-tangle
the novelty cobwebs,

72
00:02:30,285 --> 00:02:32,619
you lazy trick-or-treat trash.

73
00:02:32,654 --> 00:02:35,522
(muttering indistinctly)

74
00:02:35,557 --> 00:02:37,624
Aren't you being
a little hard on them?

75
00:02:37,659 --> 00:02:38,892
Mrs. Simpson,

76
00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:40,527
these are pop-up people.

77
00:02:40,562 --> 00:02:43,463
Temporary workers
who drift from town to town,

78
00:02:43,498 --> 00:02:45,198
holiday to holiday,

79
00:02:45,234 --> 00:02:48,301
living off candy hearts
and sleeping on Easter grass.

80
00:02:48,337 --> 00:02:50,604
If I do not show them
a firm hand,

81
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:53,273
they would rob me like
Striped Hamburger Thief

82
00:02:53,308 --> 00:02:55,308
robs Restaurant Meat Clown.

83
00:02:57,179 --> 00:02:59,212
Ooh! Mariachi skeletons.

84
00:02:59,248 --> 00:03:02,649
They're spooky, but they also
teach you about Mexico.

85
00:03:02,684 --> 00:03:05,752
Psst! Hey, big man,
how about this deal:

86
00:03:05,787 --> 00:03:08,788

you buy one from me-in cash--

87
00:03:08,824 --> 00:03:12,726
and I'll load three more
into your car for free.

88
00:03:12,761 --> 00:03:14,261
That is a great deal.

89
00:03:14,296 --> 00:03:16,696
Just don't tell Old
Man Squishee about it.

90
00:03:16,732 --> 00:03:18,164
Hmm.

91
00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:21,801
(grunting and chuckling)

92

00:03:21,837 --> 00:03:24,337

You got some great
guys working here.

93
00:03:24,373 --> 00:03:26,506
They just gave me
a really good deal.

94
00:03:26,541 --> 00:03:27,807
Really?

95
00:03:27,843 --> 00:03:29,442
Tell me of this deal.

96
00:03:29,478 --> 00:03:32,078
Okay, but don't tell
Old Man Squishee about it.

97
00:03:32,114 --> 00:03:34,281
We hate him.

98
00:03:34,316 --> 00:03:36,249
Get out.
Out, all of you!

99
00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:37,851
Pop-up scum! Out!

100
00:03:37,886 --> 00:03:41,288
No one rips off
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon!

101
00:03:41,323 --> 00:03:44,624
Now take your suspiciously full
duffle bags and go!

102
00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:49,629
You're gonna be real sorry
for getting us fired.

103
00:03:49,665 --> 00:03:51,364

Well, I'm sorry now.

104
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,633
Yeah, you're gonna be.

105
00:03:53,669 --> 00:03:55,769
I said, I'm sorry now.

106
00:03:55,804 --> 00:03:58,872
We said
you're gonna be!

107
00:03:58,907 --> 00:04:01,608
I know when I'm sorry,
and I'm sorry now!

108
00:04:01,643 --> 00:04:03,643
You guys don't know me at all.

109
00:04:06,682 --> 00:04:09,049

(Krusty laughing spookily)

110
00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:11,818
KRUSTY: Hand stamp required
for re-entry!

111
00:04:14,423 --> 00:04:15,989
That's not scary.

112
00:04:16,024 --> 00:04:17,691
I thought this was
going to be scary.

113
00:04:17,726 --> 00:04:19,459
(giggles)

114
00:04:19,494 --> 00:04:21,027
(grunts)

115
00:04:21,063 --> 00:04:23,029

(growls)

116
00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:25,332
Scary!

117
00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:27,701
That's really,
uh, anatomical.

118
00:04:27,736 --> 00:04:29,502
Lot of anatomy there.

119
00:04:29,538 --> 00:04:31,571
Oh, yeah,
the gore is super realistic.

120
00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:32,739
It's gotta be--

121
00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:36,643

today's consumer
is just too sophisticated.

122
00:04:36,678 --> 00:04:38,411
Ah!

123
00:04:38,447 --> 00:04:40,680
(screams)

124
00:04:40,716 --> 00:04:42,682
(screams loudly)

125
00:04:42,718 --> 00:04:45,719
I want to go home!
I want to go home!

126
00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,087
What? No!

127
00:04:47,122 --> 00:04:48,388

We just got here!

128
00:04:48,423 --> 00:04:51,491
Lisa, honey,
I think you should stay.

129
00:04:51,526 --> 00:04:54,060
And not because the tickets
were super expensive,

130
00:04:54,096 --> 00:04:58,264
even though they were
<i>super</i> expensive.

131
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:00,867
But remember, you were really
looking forward

132
00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,736
to the fun of being scared

133
00:05:02,771 --> 00:05:05,505
by stuff you know isn't real.

134
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:09,075
Unlike the money I spent
on this, which is very real.

135
00:05:09,111 --> 00:05:10,877
Okay.

136
00:05:10,912 --> 00:05:13,346
Okay, I'll give it another try.

137
00:05:13,382 --> 00:05:15,081
Good, now take my hand

138
00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:17,584
and I'll walk you through
this roiling zombie horde.

139
00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:19,052
(zombies moaning)

140
00:05:19,087 --> 00:05:20,887
This isn't real.

141
00:05:20,922 --> 00:05:23,056
This isn't real.
This isn't real.

142
00:05:23,091 --> 00:05:24,524
This isn't real.

143
00:05:24,559 --> 00:05:26,226
(gasps)

144
00:05:26,261 --> 00:05:28,795
(Lisa screams in distance)

145

00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:31,564

Sir? Sir?

146
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,767
I-I'm not...
Hold on, Lisa,

147
00:05:33,802 --> 00:05:35,602
Daddy's picking out
a pretzel topping.

148
00:05:35,637 --> 00:05:36,970
Sir?

149
00:05:37,005 --> 00:05:38,238
Oh...

150
00:05:38,273 --> 00:05:39,639
Oh, no, I'm lost!

151

00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:41,207

Okay, find a grown-up.

152
00:05:41,243 --> 00:05:42,809
Find a grown-up.

153
00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:45,145
Excuse me,
I'm lost.

154
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:46,546
Could you please
help me...

155
00:05:46,581 --> 00:05:48,515
(screams)

156
00:05:49,818 --> 00:05:51,084
I can't find
my family

157
00:05:51,119 --> 00:05:52,552
and I'm really
scared and I...

158
00:05:52,587 --> 00:05:54,087
(screams)

159
00:05:55,657 --> 00:05:58,491
(zombies moaning)

160
00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:09,469
(mumbling deliriously)

161
00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:12,305
Sir, looks like we've got

162
00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:13,840
a scaredy-pants
situation here.

163
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:15,608
Zoom in and scan for fear.

164
00:06:16,645 --> 00:06:19,012
Terror level seven
and rising.

165
00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:20,747
Shut it down.
Shut it all down.

166
00:06:20,782 --> 00:06:23,516
Shut the whole damn thing down.

167
00:06:27,622 --> 00:06:28,922
SUPERVISOR:
Attention!

168
00:06:28,957 --> 00:06:31,091
Bring all laughter

and exhilaration

169
00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:32,959
to a complete stop.

170
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:37,130
The terrifying good time
is on hold.

171
00:06:37,165 --> 00:06:38,998
We have located and are removing

172
00:06:39,034 --> 00:06:40,934
the baby that thinks
this is real.

173
00:06:40,969 --> 00:06:43,136
Reset time is 65 minutes.

174
00:06:43,171 --> 00:06:44,671

(groaning, grumbling)

175
00:06:44,706 --> 00:06:46,439
All parking validations
are now void.

176
00:06:46,475 --> 00:06:48,174
(grumbling)

177
00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:50,977
Sir...

178
00:06:51,012 --> 00:06:52,812
(whimpering)

179
00:06:52,848 --> 00:06:54,180
(crying)

180
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:59,249
Mm-hmm.

181
00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:01,011
Lisa, aren't you
going to wear

182
00:07:01,111 --> 00:07:02,511
your costume
to school?

183
00:07:02,546 --> 00:07:05,781
No, I'm not doing
Halloween this year.

184
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,650
Oh, sweetie, I know you
had a scare last night.

185
00:07:08,685 --> 00:07:12,087
But you worked so hard on
your Frida Kahlo outfit.

186
00:07:12,122 --> 00:07:14,122
Maybe just wear the
eyebrow and mustache?

187
00:07:14,158 --> 00:07:15,357
No!

188
00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:17,359
No!

189
00:07:17,394 --> 00:07:19,027
You kids look great.

190
00:07:19,062 --> 00:07:21,263
Delightful.

191
00:07:21,298 --> 00:07:22,831
No place like home.
(chuckles)

192
00:07:22,866 --> 00:07:24,433
Hold on, Simpson.

193
00:07:24,468 --> 00:07:27,002
Let's take a look
at that buccaneer costume.

194
00:07:27,037 --> 00:07:28,603
No weapons, of course.

195
00:07:28,639 --> 00:07:31,039
Bandana, possible gang wear.

196
00:07:31,074 --> 00:07:33,175
Eye patch, offensive
to the half-blind.

197
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,676
Oh, and just to reassure

198
00:07:34,711 --> 00:07:36,031
those who are
afraid of pirates...

199
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:38,547
(sighs)

200
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:56,064
(screams)

201
00:07:56,099 --> 00:07:57,332
No! Leave me alone!

202
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,401
Leave me alone!

203
00:07:59,436 --> 00:08:01,436
(panting)

204

00:08:06,210 --> 00:08:07,442

Lisa...

205
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:14,015
(gasping)

206
00:08:14,051 --> 00:08:16,551
(shuddering)

207
00:08:16,587 --> 00:08:17,986
Homer...

208
00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:20,655
I think we should take down
Everscream Terrors.

209
00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:23,225
Wha-- W-We... we can't!

210
00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:25,694

I'm the Mozart

of Halloween decorations,

211
00:08:25,729 --> 00:08:27,229
and tonight is the Super Bowl.

212
00:08:27,264 --> 00:08:29,097
Lisa's in a bad place.

213
00:08:29,132 --> 00:08:31,233
You know how sensitive she is.

214
00:08:31,268 --> 00:08:33,235
We don't want her
to go back to...

215
00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:34,870
Tailee.

216
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,271

No, she wouldn't.

217
00:08:36,306 --> 00:08:37,272
She couldn't.

218
00:08:37,307 --> 00:08:38,540
Not Tailee.

219
00:08:38,575 --> 00:08:40,642
Where is she?

220
00:08:41,678 --> 00:08:43,345
(both gasp)

221
00:08:44,381 --> 00:08:46,548
HOMER:
Oh. Oh.

222
00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:47,549
Ah, let's see.

223
00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:48,917
(gasps)

224
00:08:48,952 --> 00:08:50,285
Oh, God.

225
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,753
We're too late.

226
00:08:51,788 --> 00:08:54,422
The glue stick didn't hold.

227
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,560
So, Tailee's back.

228
00:08:58,595 --> 00:09:00,095
Hmm.

229

00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:02,597

Tailee just makes me
feel so safe.

230
00:09:02,633 --> 00:09:04,432
I don't know why
I ever gave it up.

231
00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:06,234
It breaks my heart

232
00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:08,703
that Lisa can't deal with her
emotions without a crutch.

233
00:09:08,739 --> 00:09:10,805
Well, kids are
weak, Marge.

234
00:09:12,276 --> 00:09:13,508
Oh, yeah.

235
00:09:14,778 --> 00:09:16,077
No. No!

236
00:09:16,113 --> 00:09:17,412
Stop it!

237
00:09:17,447 --> 00:09:19,781
Why are you taking down
Everscream Terrors?

238
00:09:19,816 --> 00:09:23,118
Our house has to be
a Halloween-free zone.

239
00:09:23,153 --> 00:09:26,321
Your sister has a tummy ache
in her courage.

240
00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:27,622

What?

241
00:09:27,658 --> 00:09:29,824
Lisa goes nuts
and you turn us into...

242
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,560
into skippers?!

243
00:09:31,595 --> 00:09:33,495
I know what this makes us.

244
00:09:33,530 --> 00:09:35,263
I know!

245
00:09:35,299 --> 00:09:36,898
Honey, I knew
you'd be upset,

246
00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,301

and that you'd think

only of yourself.

247
00:09:39,336 --> 00:09:41,603
So I'm taking you
to the best

248
00:09:41,638 --> 00:09:43,071
trick-or-treating
block party

249
00:09:43,106 --> 00:09:45,307
in the tri-Springfield area.

250
00:09:45,342 --> 00:09:48,009
There's a dad
who's a deejay.

251
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,278
Even an E.T. who
says your name.

252
00:09:50,314 --> 00:09:53,315
What if I tell the E.T.
my name is a swear?

253
00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:54,749
He'll have to say it.

254
00:09:54,785 --> 00:09:56,117
Then I'm in.

255
00:09:58,255 --> 00:10:00,455
(sighs)

256
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,760
(bowl rattles)

257
00:10:05,796 --> 00:10:06,995
NELSON:
Haw haw!

258
00:10:07,030 --> 00:10:09,130
(sighs)

259
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,335
Okay, sweetie,

260
00:10:13,370 --> 00:10:16,838
just you and me spending
a regular eve together.

261
00:10:16,873 --> 00:10:18,473
Nothing hallows
about it.

262
00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:20,976
I'm sorry
I ruined Halloween, Dad.

263
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:22,544

(scoffs)
Ruined?

264
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:25,714
Why, you just created
a new holiday...

265
00:10:25,749 --> 00:10:27,816
Puzzle Wednesday.

266
00:10:27,851 --> 00:10:30,652
A tabby and a calico.

267
00:10:30,687 --> 00:10:33,655
(chuckles) I wouldn't want
to be that ribbon.

268
00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:35,290
(doorbell rings)

269

00:10:35,325 --> 00:10:36,791

Oh, trick-or-treaters.

270
00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:38,693
Don't worry, I'll
get rid of them.

271
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,329
Trick or treat.

272
00:10:41,365 --> 00:10:42,464
Porch light's off, kids.

273
00:10:42,499 --> 00:10:43,739
Don't you know what that means?

274
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:46,668
We're not here
for candy, big man.

275

00:10:46,703 --> 00:10:49,070

Hey, you're
those pop-up scuzzos.

276
00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:50,672
What do you scuzzos want?

277
00:10:50,707 --> 00:10:52,674
We want our jobs back.

278
00:10:52,709 --> 00:10:54,509
Look, I don't want to be rude,

279
00:10:54,544 --> 00:10:58,146
but you sad losers should
go suck somewhere else.

280
00:10:58,181 --> 00:10:59,748
(panicked grunting)

281

00:10:59,783 --> 00:11:02,584

That? (chuckling):
Oh, that was just

282
00:11:02,619 --> 00:11:04,586
a kindly priest here
to bless our home.

283
00:11:04,621 --> 00:11:06,521
I told him to keep moving.

284
00:11:06,556 --> 00:11:07,689
(doorbell rings, Lisa whimpers)

285
00:11:07,724 --> 00:11:09,524
(chuckles nervously):
Hey.

286
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,359
Another visitor?

287
00:11:11,395 --> 00:11:13,161
Isn't life funny and safe?

288
00:11:13,196 --> 00:11:15,497
Can't you jerks take a hint?!

289
00:11:15,532 --> 00:11:16,931
Huh?

290
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,000
Hmm, hmm?

291
00:11:19,036 --> 00:11:20,402
(whimpers)

292
00:11:20,437 --> 00:11:23,038
THUGS:
Creepy nursery rhyme

293

00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:27,275

Like in every movie.

294
00:11:30,814 --> 00:11:32,380
Mind games.

295
00:11:34,651 --> 00:11:36,618
Whoa, look at this line.

296
00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:38,887
This neighborhood
has to be good.

297
00:11:40,323 --> 00:11:42,123
Sorry, ma'am,
residents only.

298
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,126
Too many randos crashed
the block party last year,

299
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:48,129
so "Spine Chills"
is Pine Hills only.

300
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,865
(whining): Mom, you
said we could go here.

301
00:11:50,901 --> 00:11:52,701
We will, we will.

302
00:11:52,736 --> 00:11:57,105
Look, I've got a Groupon here
for a zip line adventure.

303
00:11:57,140 --> 00:11:59,741
Let us in, and it's yours.

304
00:11:59,776 --> 00:12:02,744
Zip-lining is everything to me,

but if I take that,

305
00:12:02,779 --> 00:12:05,146
I'm not worth the folding chair
I'm sitting on.

306
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,182
Now, turn around and go.

307
00:12:12,389 --> 00:12:15,123
BART:
Aw, a bounce house.

308
00:12:17,461 --> 00:12:20,228
Aw...

309
00:12:20,263 --> 00:12:21,396
E.T.?

310
00:12:21,431 --> 00:12:23,732

E.T.:
Hello, Scrotum.

311
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:26,334
(groaning):
Oh.

312
00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:27,402
It's over.

313
00:12:27,437 --> 00:12:29,437
I missed Halloween.

314
00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,073
(hums)

315
00:12:32,109 --> 00:12:34,075
I can't let Lisa know

316
00:12:34,111 --> 00:12:36,478

we're being stalked

by vengeful seasonal thugs.

317
00:12:36,513 --> 00:12:38,480
I'll just whistle a happy tune.

318
00:12:38,515 --> 00:12:41,316
(whistles theme from<i> Halloween)</i>

319
00:12:53,497 --> 00:12:56,331
(humming theme from<i> Halloween)</i>

320
00:12:58,735 --> 00:13:00,769
Why are you locking
up the house?

321
00:13:00,804 --> 00:13:02,771
Why...? You've...

322
00:13:02,806 --> 00:13:04,773

Wh-Why does anything happen?

323
00:13:04,808 --> 00:13:06,608
Why are blue jeans blue?

324
00:13:06,643 --> 00:13:08,610
Who invented haircuts?
(laughs)

325
00:13:08,645 --> 00:13:11,312
It's all just stuff
I'm saying.

326
00:13:12,349 --> 00:13:13,715
Oh.

327
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:15,316
How did that get there?

328
00:13:15,352 --> 00:13:16,352

(muffled scream)

329
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:20,088
Okay, okay, intruders
in the house.

330
00:13:20,188 --> 00:13:21,154
Intruders in the house.

331
00:13:21,189 --> 00:13:22,155
Got to call the cops.

332
00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:23,156
Where's my cell phone?

333
00:13:23,191 --> 00:13:25,158
They took my cell phone.

334
00:13:25,193 --> 00:13:27,260
And they forgot to pay

my phone bill.

335
00:13:27,295 --> 00:13:31,164
Wait, why are we going
to Mr. Flanders' house?

336
00:13:31,199 --> 00:13:33,166
Oh, you know,
to see his kids.

337
00:13:33,201 --> 00:13:36,603
I want to finally find out which
one is Rod and which one is Max.

338
00:13:36,638 --> 00:13:38,104
(gasps) Tailee,
I left him inside.

339
00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:39,105
Oh.

340
00:13:39,141 --> 00:13:40,674
D'oh!

341
00:13:43,478 --> 00:13:46,446
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!

342
00:13:46,481 --> 00:13:48,114
LISA:
Dad?

343
00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:50,183
Oh. Oh, Lisa.

344
00:13:50,218 --> 00:13:52,185
You're here, we're safe.

345
00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:54,187
Everything's fine.

346

00:13:54,222 --> 00:13:57,957

Except for this
inexplicable fog.

347
00:14:00,696 --> 00:14:02,462
Boo.

348
00:14:02,497 --> 00:14:04,197
(screams) (screams)
Oh, my God!

349
00:14:04,232 --> 00:14:06,166
LISA: Oh, my God!
HOMER: (screams) No!

350
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:07,667
(Lisa screams)
We got to get out of here!

351
00:14:07,703 --> 00:14:09,135
LISA: He smells so bad!

Come on, this way!

352
00:14:09,171 --> 00:14:10,771
Oh, my God, Dad, help!
This way! Come on!

353
00:14:12,574 --> 00:14:15,375
Give me a hit off
that fog machine.

354
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:17,410
We got a fat
man to beat on.

355
00:14:19,848 --> 00:14:21,848
(whooping)

356
00:14:27,956 --> 00:14:29,823
MAN:
Here we come.

357
00:14:29,858 --> 00:14:32,826
MAN 2: We're coming
to get you.

358
00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:34,861
(laughter)

359
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:42,435
Okay, okay, I don't think those
pop-up guys saw us come up here.

360
00:14:44,372 --> 00:14:47,741
This isn't real, this isn't
real, this isn't real.

361
00:14:47,776 --> 00:14:49,743
Honey, I'm your dad.

362
00:14:49,778 --> 00:14:54,180
I've lied to you more times

than there are stars in the sky.

363
00:14:54,216 --> 00:14:56,015
But I got to be straight.

364
00:14:56,051 --> 00:14:57,550
This is real.

365
00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,219
(whimpers)

366
00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:01,221
Okay, Halloween
isn't over yet.

367
00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:04,791
We can still squeeze in some
solid trick-or-treating.

368
00:15:04,826 --> 00:15:06,292

(tires screeching)

369
00:15:06,328 --> 00:15:08,895
Hurry, go, go, go!

370
00:15:08,930 --> 00:15:10,296
What? What's the rush?

371
00:15:10,332 --> 00:15:12,132
Go, go, have fun.

372
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,600
There's still time.

373
00:15:16,905 --> 00:15:19,873
(gasps)
It's too late.

374
00:15:19,908 --> 00:15:22,308
The change is upon us.

375
00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:26,112
The children are
all sleeping

376
00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:28,581
Not one kiddie
on the streets

377
00:15:28,617 --> 00:15:31,317
The fun's just starting
for Mommy and Daddy

378
00:15:31,353 --> 00:15:32,418
Sexy tricks

379
00:15:32,454 --> 00:15:33,753
BOTH:
And boozy treats

380

00:15:33,789 --> 00:15:36,156

Drunken hobbits

381
00:15:36,191 --> 00:15:39,793
Hit on slutty crayons

382
00:15:39,828 --> 00:15:44,430
Policeman dressed
as bondage Frankenstein

383
00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:46,833
Your kid's teacher

384
00:15:46,868 --> 00:15:48,668
In a steampunk orgy

385
00:15:48,703 --> 00:15:50,336
Ha

386
00:15:50,372 --> 00:15:55,175

 Grown-ups become monsters

after 9:00

387
00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:59,345
It's time
for grown-up Halloween

388
00:15:59,381 --> 00:16:03,817
Close your eyes
if you're under 18

389
00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:07,420
It's my chance
to show boobs

390
00:16:07,455 --> 00:16:10,256
Live my fantasy...

391
00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:12,959
'Cause tomorrow morning

392
00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:15,795
We won't remember a thing

393
00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:18,932
Our lives are awful
and dreary

394
00:16:18,967 --> 00:16:21,801
So tonight we're going way,
way, way, way, way too far

395
00:16:21,837 --> 00:16:23,970
Hide your kids

396
00:16:24,005 --> 00:16:26,973
This cannot be unseen

397
00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:31,845
It's naked, wasted,
grown-up Halloween.

398
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:32,880
(burps)

399
00:16:35,984 --> 00:16:38,785
Can't hide forever,
thumb-head.

400
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:40,787
Sooner or later,
you're gonna have to buy

401
00:16:40,822 --> 00:16:42,789
Thanksgiving decoration,

402
00:16:42,824 --> 00:16:46,059
and we'll be waiting
by the Indian corn.

403
00:16:46,094 --> 00:16:47,894

(clattering)

404
00:16:47,929 --> 00:16:50,330
Oh, no, now they're trashing
our stuff.

405
00:16:50,365 --> 00:16:52,165
(chiming)

406
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,167
Oh, they've tangled up
my wind chimes.

407
00:16:54,202 --> 00:16:56,236
How will I know
when the wind is blowing?

408
00:16:56,271 --> 00:16:59,672
(groans) I hate this,
I hate feeling afraid.

409
00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:01,674
Maybe I shouldn't admit
this to my daughter,

410
00:17:01,710 --> 00:17:04,077
but I'm scared, too,

411
00:17:04,112 --> 00:17:06,913
but you can't let fear
shut down your brain,

412
00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:10,383
because between the two of us,
we've only got one good one.

413
00:17:10,418 --> 00:17:12,418
I've got it.

414
00:17:14,422 --> 00:17:18,524
What if... we use these

decorations to signal for help?

415
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,593
You're right.

416
00:17:20,629 --> 00:17:24,597
I may not be the smartest dad
or the bravest or the smartest,

417
00:17:24,633 --> 00:17:28,434
but I am great at one thing-drawing attention to our home.

418
00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:30,270
If we're gonna
get out of this,

419
00:17:30,305 --> 00:17:32,739
we're going to need
every holiday you've got.

420
00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:36,709
Ay, ay, ay, ay

421
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:39,913
Halloween is so<i> bueno...</i>

422
00:17:39,948 --> 00:17:43,583
Ooh, the Seor Skeletinos.

423
00:17:43,618 --> 00:17:45,585
He must have leaned
on the "try me" button.

424
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,787
(laughs maniacally)

425
00:17:47,822 --> 00:17:50,223
(taunting):
We're coming to get you.

426
00:17:50,258 --> 00:17:54,761
And no fancy ceiling door
is gonna stop us.

427
00:17:55,797 --> 00:17:56,797
(gasps)

428
00:17:58,266 --> 00:18:00,233
(grunts)
MAN: Almost got it.

429
00:18:00,268 --> 00:18:01,501
(grunts)

430
00:18:01,536 --> 00:18:02,502
Stuck.

431
00:18:02,537 --> 00:18:03,903
(grunting)

432
00:18:03,939 --> 00:18:05,638
They're coming-- hurry!

433
00:18:05,674 --> 00:18:08,107
Time to wake up
the neighborhood.

434
00:18:10,345 --> 00:18:11,345
D'oh!

435
00:18:12,347 --> 00:18:13,347
D'oh!

436
00:18:13,381 --> 00:18:15,181
(thugs clamoring)

437
00:18:16,618 --> 00:18:19,052
Here we go.

438

00:18:19,087 --> 00:18:20,453

(panting):
Hurry.

439
00:18:20,488 --> 00:18:22,121
Light the fireworks.

440
00:18:22,157 --> 00:18:24,824
The match won't stay lit-it's too windy.

441
00:18:26,761 --> 00:18:29,729
I've got something
that will burn.

442
00:18:29,764 --> 00:18:31,397
(gasps)
Are you sure?

443
00:18:31,433 --> 00:18:34,400
Yes, this ratty

piece of polyester

444
00:18:34,436 --> 00:18:37,437
has been soaking in face
oil for eight years.

445
00:18:37,472 --> 00:18:39,138
Light him up.

446
00:18:44,012 --> 00:18:46,012
Good-bye, Tailee.

447
00:18:48,950 --> 00:18:50,650
(whistling and popping)

448
00:18:50,685 --> 00:18:52,185
(gasping)
What the...?

449
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:53,553

Huh?

450
00:19:00,495 --> 00:19:02,562
Now plug it in!

451
00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:03,830
(people gasping)

452
00:19:03,865 --> 00:19:05,531
Help, help!

453
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:06,766
Help, we're up here!

454
00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:07,767
(muffled speech)

455
00:19:07,802 --> 00:19:10,203
Everscream Terrors
needs our help!

456
00:19:10,238 --> 00:19:12,605
We can get plastered and hit
on our coworkers later.

457
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:13,640
Come on!

458
00:19:13,675 --> 00:19:14,841
Get 'em, Zardoz!

459
00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:16,242
(gasping)

460
00:19:16,277 --> 00:19:18,144
Sexy drunks, stop them!

461
00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:20,179
(groaning)

462
00:19:22,817 --> 00:19:24,617
Tragic, really.

463
00:19:24,652 --> 00:19:27,620
For are these guys not
victims, too, in a way,

464
00:19:27,655 --> 00:19:29,989
of our disposable
pop-up culture?

465
00:19:30,025 --> 00:19:31,824
When you get out,
look me up.

466
00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:35,061
I know a guy who owns
a 99-cent store.

467
00:19:35,096 --> 00:19:37,897

99-cent store?

468
00:19:37,932 --> 00:19:40,900
Those places
are open year-round.

469
00:19:40,935 --> 00:19:42,902
The holidays will
come and go,

470
00:19:42,937 --> 00:19:45,772
but... (sniffles)
we'll stay.

471
00:19:48,176 --> 00:19:50,576
Grown-up Halloween
seemed pretty fun.

472
00:19:50,612 --> 00:19:52,578
I saw an areola.

473
00:19:52,614 --> 00:19:54,580
Oh, man, this is
the lamest night

474
00:19:54,616 --> 00:19:56,983
of my entire miserable
Li... (gasps)

475
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,520
Yes!

476
00:20:00,555 --> 00:20:03,122
Everscream
Terrors is back!

477
00:20:04,659 --> 00:20:05,758
(Bart laughs)

478
00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:08,494
Stop it, stop it,

this will scare Lisa.

479
00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:09,530
Boo!

480
00:20:09,564 --> 00:20:10,564
(gasping)

481
00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:13,966
(giggles)

482
00:20:14,002 --> 00:20:15,802
My brave girl.

483
00:20:15,837 --> 00:20:17,837
I burned Tailee.

484
00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:20,873
(grunts)

485
00:20:20,909 --> 00:20:22,375
(laughs)

486
00:20:22,410 --> 00:20:24,010
Foolish Simpsons.

487
00:20:24,045 --> 00:20:26,779
This was not their typical
Halloween experience.

488
00:20:26,815 --> 00:20:29,782
Wow, cool alien
voice, Lenny.

489
00:20:29,818 --> 00:20:32,185
Thanks, I've been
practicing it. As a mat...

490
00:20:32,220 --> 00:20:34,478
(normal voice):

Oh, damn it, I lost it.

491
00:20:34,578 --> 00:20:41,078
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

492
00:20:54,398 --> 00:20:56,865
(theme from<i> Halloween</i> playing)

493
00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:26,316
Shh!