Khai Jett Lee

Professor Brian Steensland

Religion and Society
February 6, 2014
Homework 1
My mom is a Buddhist who attends Buddhist temple and prays to the Buddha, yet at the
same time, observes Daoist beliefs and practices. Dad, on the other hand, is an Agnostic who, put
bluntly, does not care whether or not God exists. Growing up, I spent a lot of time with mom, as
dad was always away at work (often in another state or abroad). She was the role model who I
imitated and learned from, and when I was not at kindergarten or primary school, I was always
with her.
Through the stories she told me, as a child I was familiar with the concept of karma in
fact, the only religious text I have ever read in my life was a book on karma. I knew and vaguely
understood that good intentions and actions led to good karma in the future of my present life,
and in my future lives, and vice versa. In other words, I passively accepted moms teachings
without really giving them much further thought, and most of her religious teachings were
related to karma. It is interesting to note that when she was telling me about karma, she never
emphasized that it was a Buddhist or Daoist belief, or preached that Buddhism or Daoism was
great because of this wonderful concept called karma. It was more of a general, natural thing to
do do good in life, and you will be happy where religious socialization came in the form of
general socialization. And because of this, when I was a child, I made every conscious action
only after considering its effects (karma). Mom and I went to the temple only occasionally,
mostly during festivals like Wesak Day, and even then, we only went to pray to the deities, and to
give offerings, hence I have never had any formal religious education. Every religious practice I
knew from how and when to pray (with or without a joss stick), how to speak to God, to how
to fold and burn offerings I learned from mom.
I rarely had any religious conversations with my friends back in primary school. As far as
I knew, most of them were not religious, and as far as I can recall, only two friends had talked to
me about their (Christian) religion. One was a girl (I had a crush on) who told me she went to
church every Sunday (and that was how I found out about church service), and another was my
childhood guy best friend who repeatedly invited me to church during occasions such as Easter
Day, Christmas and even Valentines. I never went, because when I brought it up with mom, she
did not say no, but neither did she encourage me (by offering to drive me there, for example).
And I vividly remember her slight displeasure when she found out that three of my cousins
converted to Christianity (her extended family was a purely Buddhist one), so even from a young
age, I never had any interest in converting away from Buddhism to Christianity, Islam (because
predominantly, only Malays were Muslims in Malaysia), or Hinduism (Hindus were almost
always Indians). During high school, my opinion of Christianity only got worse because I was
exposed to the concept of humans as sinners (how can that be?), and the prohibition of premarital
sex (what century is this?) and gay relationships/marriages (how is that fair?). These are unfair
generalizations, I know, but as adolescents, they were the topics that we talked about among
friends and associated with Christianity, and I did not agree with those teachings.
These discussions, plus the fact that during high school, I spent less time with mom and
more with peers, led me to my deconversion, a progress that started since adolescence. Through

our conversations, and some further thinking on my part, my concept of God gradually inched
towards two things: that there was only one God in this world, and that God was forgiving. But
the more I thought about it, and the more I read the book on karma, I decided that the notion of
God as forgiving was not congruent with the concept of karma if God was forgiving, why
would He punish people who did bad things (I decided that deeds and intentions were rarely as
simple as black and white what about the gray areas?) by making them suffer in future lives by
being born disabled, or even an animal. My deconversion progress was slow because of two
main reasons I think: first, because I did not want to disappoint my mom, I sometimes still went
to the temple with her (although the visits became increasingly infrequent); and second, because
official forms and documents in Malaysia only recognized Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and
Christianity you could not declare yourself an Atheist, nor was there an Other field that you
could select. Therefore, it took me awhile to dissociate myself from the I am a Buddhist
identity and start identifying myself as an Atheist.
My religious identity today is still a work in progress. My actions in life no longer
revolve around karma, and through ongoing discussions with my girlfriend, I have pretty much
settled on the existence of the supernatural, but I wouldnt go as far as to call it God. Questions
such as How did the universe (or life) begin? and What is the purpose of life? continue to
mystify me, and although it is not my topmost priority in life, I look forward to finding my own
answers and subsequently, my religious position.