Ancient Weddings

by Jennifer Goodall Powers, SUNY Albany

Original text 1997 Jennifer Goodall Powers

http://ablemedia.com/ctcweb/consortium/ancientwe
ddings5.html

Greek Weddings
the sweet sounding flute and cithara were mingled and sound of
castanets, sweetly the maidens sang a holy song, and a marvelous echo
reached the sky ...1
Introduction
By examining some general facts about Greek brides about which
scholars today agree, we can place the wedding ceremony in its context
of Greek life and ritual. A Greek girl married young, around 14. Marriage
at such a young age was presumed to guarantee virginity, which, until
marriage, was thought to be threatened by her lustful youth. A young
man, on the other hand, usually performed his military service before
getting married, with the result that he was about 30 when he first
married. Furthermore, the girl was obliged to marry whomever her kyrios,
male guardian, decided upon. In choosing a prospective husband,
thekyrios would have considered political and economic factors. Finally,
marriage to a family member was an acceptable alternative and
occasionally encouraged in order to consolidate family wealth.
Types of Marriage
There were certain procedures the kyrios followed to marry off his charge,
who made no decisions regarding her future husband and impending
marriage. These procedures depended on the type of marriage intended.
The first type of marriage was characterized by engue, a pledge,
andekdosis, a transfer. The engue was an oral agreement between the
bride's kyrios and the groom. The kyrios entrusted his charge to the man
for the purpose of producing children, while reciting the phrase: "I hand
over this woman to you for the ploughing of legitimate
children."2 Theproix, dowry, was also stipulated at this time. While engue

was a formal procedure which signified more than betrothal, it did not in
itself complete the marriage, and it could be revoked.3 The ekdosis, the
second part of the marriage transaction, effected the transfer of the
woman to her new household. When she married, a woman gave up ties
to her own oikos, household, and completely adopted and, in effect, was
adopted by her husband's oikos. Her father gave up his role as kyrios,
and her new husband assumed that role. It was during the ekdosis that
the gamos, wedding ceremony, would be held.
If a girl's father were to die before she married, another type of marriage
was an option for her. 4 Epidikazein was to establish in court by an archon
that the property and daughter of the deceased man should be passed to
the nearest male relative. In the event that a man died without sons, but
with an unmarried daughter, the nearest male relative succeeded to the
estate and married the daughter, called epikleros, an heiress. If he
refused her, the girl and the estate would pass to the nearest male
relative in succession. If this male relative was already married, but
wanted the girl and the estate, he would divorce his current wife and
marry the girl. The point of such a union was to produce a male heir, who
would ultimately inherit his grandfather's estate and become his
mother'skyrios two years after reaching puberty.5
A third marital-type union resulted when a family did not have enough
money to provide a dowry for their daughter, but instead gave her to a
man as his pallake, concubine. Again the woman had no voice in the
transaction. The family could even "sell" her to make money. A woman
could also become a pallake if she installed herself without the help of
heroikos, by choosing to cohabitate, sunoikein, with a man. A pallake was
usually foreign. Her own and her children's ability to inherit changed with
time. By fifth-century Athens, the law regarding free children was the
same for wives and concubines.6
The final "marital" relationship which demands consideration here is that
between a man and an hetaira. Unlike other types of "wives,"
however,hetaira did not live with the men with whom they were involved.
These women could be intelligent, beautiful, and respected companions
for men and were usually foreign.7 They could have sexual relations with
men and were paid, but the women were more than just sexually
proficient high-class prostitutes. They were often educated in both politics
and philosophy, and discussed these topics with men at symposia.8 On
occasion, an hetaira would participate in a monogamous relationship with
a specific man, but as a rule she would not live with him. If she did, she

would then be considered a pallake. Aspasia, one of the most

famoushetairai, became Pericles' concubine around 445 B.C. after
impressing him with her broad knowledge and opinions on the day's
political affairs. The only difference in their relationship that caused this
change in designation for her was the status of their living arrangement.

Footnotes:
1. Sappho, fragment 44, lines 24 - 27, the Wedding of Hektor and Andromache. The translation is
my own.
2. Menander, fr. 720.
3. For more on the legality of engue, see Patterson, Cynthia B. 1991. "Marriage and the Married
Woman in Athenian Law" in Sarah B. Pomeroy (ed.) Womens History and Ancient History. Chapel
Hill: 48-72. Here Patterson discusses engue and gamos as the most important parts of the marriage
procedure. She stresses that engue was the private part of the procedure, but that it also
established legitimacy for the union and the children it produced.
4. By the fourth century, however, this practice had become uncommon, though why exactly is
uncertain.
5. The property and the mother would pass to the control of the sons upon reaching puberty
because the purpose of this type of marriage was not to establish a union, but to continue the line of
the dead father. The husband was even required by law to engage in sexual intercourse with his
wife at least three times a month in order to beget heirs for the dead father and not himself. In
contrast, in an engue marriage, the husband would beget his own heirs.
6. Sealey, Raphael. 1990. Women and Law in Classical Greece. Chapel Hill, 25-36. During the
Peloponnesian War, Athenian citizenship laws were relaxed in order to repopulate the society with
males.
7. Aspasia was from Ionia, for example.
8. Generally, citizen women were not educated and were not allowed to attend symposia.

Greek Weddings
The History of Marriage
These types of marriages were either commonly practiced (or recently
made obsolete) around the fifth century. To understand fifth century
practices, it is necessary to take a step back and review the history of
marriage in Greece, for Sappho, who flourished in the seventh century
B.C., drew on patterns of marriage that were as much mythological as
sociological, or legal, and for whom marriage as an institution triggered
personal responses.
Pandora was the first bride,9 as well as the first woman. Didomi, the word
meaning to give, from which Pandora's name is derived, reflects that the
bride was originally a free gift that came to the groom's home bearing
gifts. Leduc explains the importance of the bride-gift:

The free gift was, I believe, the organizing principle of the Hellenic system of legitimate
reproduction. From the eighth to the fourth century B.C. a woman was always given (didomi) to her
husband by another man, and this man always gave other riches (epididomi) along with her.10

In keeping with the notion of a bride as a gift, the Homeric bride brought
gifts to her new oikos.11 This arrangement is a daughter-in-law
marriage.12 During the "betrothal," the son-in-law and father-in-law
became etai, allies, by exchanging gifts in preparation for the bride
transfer. The dora, gifts, were a tangible sign of the alliance between the
two households. This exchange also indicated that the bride's family was
not just selling or rejecting her. The bridewealth generated by the passive
bride, on the other hand, was called hedna and it usually manifested itself
in cattle. This gift exchange formalized the legitimacy of a marriage and
legitimized the children of the union.
In Homeric epic, a man could also "marry" a girl by winning her in a
competition or by stealing her as booty. The Greek heroes left Troy with
Trojan women as their "prizes." There was no "polygamy"; instead, a
husband might have a wife and concubine, as seen frequently in ancient
works about the Homeric heroes. If the wife gave her consent, the
children of the concubine could be appointed as heirs. Yet, society
demanded that a woman be faithful to her husband, begetting legitimate
children.
One compelling motivation for marriage was the political alliance between
noble families that the marriage would establish. Gradually, however,
money replaced birth as a conduit to political influence, and marriages
were consequently not as necessary for establishing political alliances.
Occasionally, sexual attraction would be a reason for marriage, but it was
still only the attraction of the man, leaving the woman's feelings
unaccounted for. Achilles' anger when Briseis was taken away from him
indicates the deep feelings of a man for a woman who was worth fighting
for. Helen acts on her own lust, but her actions are considered unique and
improper by her peers.13
The daily lives of women during the dom of movement, they were not
expected to mix freely with men. Women out of the house were usually in
the company of other women.14 Women's activities consisted mainly of
ensuring the smooth running of the household, bathing and anointing their
husbands, raising their children, and participating in religious festivals.
Women also contributed economically to their households through textile

production. Vases often depict women weaving, as seen on this Berlin

tondo:
The woman seated on a chair on the left has one bare foot propped on a special foot-support. Her
chiton and mantle are pulled up above her knees, so that she can twist the loose wool around her
leg prepatory to spinning it. She holds a thick strand of red wool in her hands. A basket stands near
her ready for the finished yarn ... On the far right, a second wool basket stands on a cushioned
stool.15

The women were solely responsible for producing the textiles used by all
the household members.
During the era of colonization and unsettled times which followed, many
of the characteristics of and motives for marriage, such as political and
economic motives, were inherited from the Homeric age. Sentimentality
and love prevailed too.16 Convenience was a predominant motive;
colonists commonly "married" native women. There was also a movement
from bridewealth marriages, in which the groom paid the bride's father,
towards dotal marriages, in which dowries went to the groom's family.
This gave the father of the bride a personal stake in the marriage: he
might be more discriminating in whom he would select as his daughter's
groom since he would, in effect, be paying this man to take care of her. If
the kyrios picked a whimsical man, the groom might waste the dowry
money. The policy of returning the dowry in the event of divorce also
deterred the husband from divorcing the woman frivolously. Meanwhile it
also set a certain standard of living for the bride in her new household
since her father could initiate a divorce and thereby reclaim the dowry if
he was unhappy with her arrangement.
Marriage in seventh century Sparta deserves a mention in this
context.17The role of a woman as reproductive mother was equally as
important as the role of reproductive father and marriage was viewed
simply as a basis for procreation. But procreation was not limited to
married couples. Wife-sharing and selective breeding were common
practices in the Spartans' quest for the production of strong warriors.
Spartan society placed a very high value on physical strength and bred
children for strength. So if a man was not physically strong, he would
most likely not procreate with his wife and instead would allow a stronger
man to impregnate her. If a man did not father boys or did not have the
desired Spartan qualities himself, the woman was encouraged to seek
another man to impregnate her. Spartan women enjoyed more power and
freedom than other Greek women, as their men were often away training
for military service and responsibilities both within and outside the

household fell to them. Spartan women were allowed out of the house
and were encouraged to exercise and stay strong. This is in contrast to
other Greek communities which limited women's activities to the domestic
sphere only.
Because data from the Homeric Age and Age of Colonization are sparse,
many of the details about marriage and the status of women discussed in
this study are based on Athenian practices of the fifth and fourth
centuries. The formal guardianship of women, the ages of the couple at
wedding time, the economic and political motivations for marriage, and
the goals of marriage and motherhood for women are just some of the
features we recognize from Athenian marriages. The development of the
Athenian polis from the seventh century onwards, however, did qualify the
role of women. To ensure the stability, strength, and identity of the
developing polis, the role of child-producing woman rose in importance.18

Footnotes:
9. For a full explanation of Pandora as the first bride and of marriage in the Homeric age, see
Leduc, Claudine. 1992. "Marriage in Ancient Greece" in Pauline Schmitt (ed) A History of Women in
the West: Volume I: From Ancient Goddesses to Christian Saints. Translated by Arthur
Goldhammer. Cambridge, MA: 233-295. Leduc discusses the relevance of offering gifts with the
bride in Homeric times and explores why this ritual was practiced differently by later societies.
10. ibid., 235-36.
11. For a full explanation of marriage in Homeric times (eighth century B.C.), supra n. 9.
12. Examples of daughter-in-law marriages abound. Penelope represents a wife who gave up her
own family in order to be incorporated into her husbands family. Nausicaas situation, on the other
hand, if Odysseus had accepted her hand in marriage, would have resulted in a son-in-law marriage
since the husband would have been incorporated into the household of the brides father.
13. There are other women who act on their own desires as well (Medea, Clytemnestra), yet they
too are viewed as improper.
14. Nausicaa, for instance, accidentally met Odysseus while waiting at a well, but she did not feel
comfortable alone with an unrelated man. She tells her girl servants "Stay with me!" (Hom. Od.
6.213) Her biggest fear, though, is being seen entering the city with an unrelated man by the
villagers and makes him follow after her.
15. Berlin F2289, vase description, Perseus 2.0, 1996. New Haven.
16. Periander, tyrant of Corinth in the seventh century B.C., is said to have fallen in love at the sight
of his soon-to-be wife Melissa (Athenaeus 13, 589F).
17. Marriage and the status of women in Gortyn have also been examined as a parallel comparison
to Sparta, since Dorian women in general shared a freedom other Greek women lacked. Leduc,
supra n. 9, also outlines marriage in these two communities.
18. Male babies were needed to maintain the existing number of families, especially during the
Peloponnesian War.

Greek Weddings

The Wedding Ceremony

For a young girl, marriage rites marked three phases: separation from
heroikos , transition to a new home, and integration into her new roles as
daughter and wife within a new oikos.19 She changed from a parthenos, a
maiden, to a nymphe, a married woman without children, when she
married and then finally to a gyne, an adult woman, when she bore her
first child. The entire set of marriage rites focused on the bride and her
relocation to a new oikos and kyrios, the most important transition in her
life.
As mentioned, a typical marriage consisted of engue and ekdosis. The
ceremony itself was marked by the physical transfer, the ekdosis, of the
bride to her new oikos. The ekdosis was a process that took several days,
affected much of the community and affirmed new relationships both
inside and outside her former oikos. For the bride, ekdosis signified a
farewell to her maidenhood and at the same time an integration into her
new household.
The wedding ceremony usually lasted three days. The day before the
wedding was designated the proaulia. In preparation for the proaulia, the
bride would spend a final few days with her mother and female relatives,
friends and servants preparing for her wedding at her father's house. This
pre-wedding ritual is one of the few events in which women were allowed
to participate and celebrate actively. Once the proaulia arrived, a
ceremony and feast would be held at the house of the bride's father. The
bride would make various offerings, proteleia to different gods; the
offerings would generally include her childhood clothing and toys. This act
served two purposes for the bride. It signified the separation of the bride
from her childhood, freeing her to enter a new life; and it established a
bond between her and the deities who she hoped would provide
protection for her during the transition to her new life. Sacrifices to
Artemis, goddess of virginity and of transition, would likely include locks of
hair and zemia, a fine or penalty, in the hope that she would ease the
bride's passage from virginity. On occasion the bride would sacrifice to
Hera as the exemplar of the divine bride. The bride and groom would both
make offerings to Aphrodite for a fruitful, child-rearing life. If the bride or
groom was unable for some reason to make the proteleia, the bride's
father or, in some instances, her mother would perform the ritual instead.
The wedding ceremony's focus on the bride's passage to marriage and
her sexual initiation nue to become clarified during the following two days.

The gamos, the actual wedding day, began with a loutron numphikon, a
nuptial bath, in the women's quarters.20 Water was drawn from a river or
spring and carried in a loutrophoros, a vase shape
reserved for funerary purposes ... used mainly as a grave marker. During the fifth century its
purpose seems to have been confined to ritual uses, such as weddings (where it was frequently
used to carry the water for the bridal bath) or the funeral of an unmarried person. Vases of this
shape are commonly decorated with scenes of mourners or wedding processions.21

A specially appointed child carried the bath water, which was thought to
provide a purification of the bride as well as to induce fertility, showing
that the bride and her sexual initiation were the focus of this aspect of the
ceremony. The bride would then dress in the same room in which she
bathed. The most important part of the bride's costume was the veil,
which symbolized her virginity and was not removed until she was
handed over to the groom. The bride would have a numpheutria, a bridal
helper, who, with the bride's mother and other women, would preside over
the preparations for the meal and sacrifices, and who would accompany
the bride to the banquet hall. There, sacrifices would be offered to the
gods of marriage by both the bride and groom.
The wedding feast would follow, although the actual time for the feast is
not clear. Most often the feast would be given by the bride's father, but it
could also be given by the groom's father or even the groom himself in
certain situations. Regardless, both families would attend.22 Guests at the
feast would include the couple's friends, who would serve as witnesses.
The Franois vase, for instance, depicting the wedding of Peleus and
Thetis, shows them accompanied by many of their fellow gods, who act
as witnesses.23
While this was one of the few public events women were permitted to
attend, men and women sat at different tables. Delicacies, such as
sesame seeds mixed with honey, would be available. Entertainment
would be provided by professional singers. The songs played a very
important role in the ceremony, encouraging the couple in their new
relationship and future children as well as complimenting the couple
through comparisons with the gods.24 A libation was offered at the
beginning of the songs.
Towards the end of the feast in the evening came the most important part
of the ceremony, the anakalupteria, the unveiling of the bride. This act is
significant because the bride is handed over to the groom, and at this
point she has completely given up her status as parthenos. There is some

debate on exactly when this part of the ceremony took place. Some have
argued that it did not occur until the couple had arrived at the groom's
house.25 The bride was then presented to the groom as she prepared to
leave her paternal home.
The procession from the bride's house to her new home then began.
Anamphithales, a child with both parents still alive, was chosen to escort
the bride. He represented prosperity and good luck for the couple, and
symbolized their eventual child. The amphithales would distribute bread to
the guests; the bread was another symbol of the final product of this
union, a child; furthermore, the basket in which the bread was carried
represented the ancient baby cradle. The amphithales would also utter
the words "I fled worse and found better," and he wore a crown of thorns
and nuts, reminding the couple of the threatening proximity of wild nature,
as the acorn was the food of primitive man while the winnowing fan or
basket suggested implements of civilized agriculture.
Other objects featured in the ceremony and enhanced the new role of the
bride to advance civilized life: a grill for toasting barley; a sieve carried by
a child; a pestle that hung in front of the wedding chamber; and various
grains, recalling Demeter, the link between agriculture, fertility, and social
life.
The procession itself began with the painful ritual departure, a drama of
the pain the bride felt leaving her family. The groom grabbed her wrist
while the bride's father delivered her to her husband's control, saying "in
front of witnesses I give this girl to you for the production of legitimate
children."26 After this, the bride was treated as a symbolic captive, and to
her the procession reflected a crisis that needed to be endured and
overcome, as it was her final transition from childhood to marriage.
Our main evidence for wedding processions is depictions on vases. The
vase Bloomington 72.97.4 is decorated with a procession that is quite
possibly of a wedding:
The procession on either side crowds around and between two quadrigas whose horses stand
among the file of participants. Each side is organized in a slightly different fashion, however. Side A:
shows a woman who unveils herself in the very center of the composition, framed symmetrically by
four participants who look at her.27

Homer also describes a procession in a scene on the shield of Achilles:

Therein fashioned he also two cities of mortal men exceeding fair. In the one there were marriages
and feastings, and by the light of the blazing torches they were leading the brides from their bowers

through the city, and loud rose the bridal song. And young men were whirling in the dance, and in
their midst [495] flutes and lyres sounded continually; and there the women stood each before her
door and marvelled.28

She was accompanied by her husband and his friend in a cart.29 If

theanakalupteria had not taken place yet, the bride would still be veiled.
Her mother would be the one to carry the torches, daidouxein, in a
protective role. The torches and music were intended to ward off evil
spirits that might harm the bride during the procession.
The honored participants in the procession included the amphithales; the
proegetes, leader of the procession; paides propempontes, young boys;
the paroxos or paranumphos, the groom's attendant; and
thenumpheutria and other friends. Sometimes an entire town would join.
Women with baskets and vases would also accompany the procession. In
these baskets and vases were such items as sandals, quinces, roses,
violets and fruits. These things would then be thrown at the couple, so
that the procession resembled a fullobolia, victory procession. Avagianou
explains that this "perhaps had an aggressive purpose, although we
cannot ignore the sexual content attributed to apples and flowers by the
ancient Greeks."30 Men with musical instruments in the procession would
provide the music for the hymenaioi, songs, that celebrated the couple
and especially the bride's contribution to the union.31
The wedding procession has parallels with other rituals. It is similar to the
triumphant homecoming of victors at the Panhellenic games. The
wedding carries the same significance for the bride that the victory does
for the victor. As mentioned above, the pelting of the bride with flowers
and fruits parallels the fullobolia of the victory procession.
When the couple reached the groom's house, a paian cry arose
celebrating the successful end of the vulnerable passage. The groom
then lifted the bride from the chariot, and his mother, holding torches,
welcomed her daughter-in-law to her new home. The bride was then
received with ritual kataxusmata, a sequence of rites performed to
guarantee the future prosperity and fertility of the union and to establish
the bride in her new home. The bride would eat a quince and burn the
chariot axle, thereby precluding a journey back to her former home; she
would be welcomed to the hearth (the center of the household); and,
finally, the bride received tragmata, dried dates, nuts, and figs, thus
completing the same ritual a new slave went through to make the final
break with her old household. If it had not happened before, the
anakalupteria happened now as well.

As the couple entered the bridal chamber itself, they passed to the
protection of Aphrodite and Peitho, who would bring harmony and
pleasure in the bedroom and ultimately children. While the chamber was
still being prepared, the wedding guests could enter the room, but finally
the door would shut and remain guarded throughout the night by the
thyroros, a friend of the groom. Friends of the bride sang outside the
room to reassure the bride as she journeyed to womanhood and to
encourage the couple in their attempts to produce a boy baby. They
would also beat on the chamber door, ktupia, to scare away the spirits of
the underworld. They might also sing playful, even obscene, songs and
jokes.32
The final day of the wedding ceremony was called the epaulia. The day
began with waking songs by the Pannuxis, the maidens awake all night,
and certain men who returned to wake the couple. The focus was still on
the bride, as she received the epaulia, or gifts. Again the ceremony was
accompanied by songs that emphasized the transition of the bride to her
new status.
As initiating ceremonies, weddings and funerals33 share many similarities,
as already noted in respect to the significance of theloutrophoros.34 Such
tangible elements as preparing baths, torches, water for purification, the
veil, and garlands play roles in both ceremonies. Redfield emphasizes
especially how cutting the locks of hair features in both rituals:
In the funeral, the mourners cut a lock of hair and leave it to be buried with the dead; they thus
enact their bereavement by sending a part of their life to die with the dead. Before the wedding,
brides often dedicated a lock of hair; they thus left behind them a part of their life as they set off to a
new life.35

Moreover, both journeys are made at night by a cart with a ritual wheel
drawn by mules, accompanied by flutes and choral songs and both
ceremonies also include a feast. Both rituals signify a separation and a
change of residence. These two ceremonies are so intertwined that if a
girl died before she married, she was buried in a wedding dress so she
could be the bride of Hades.
Of course, weddings, as rituals, resemble religious ceremonies in
general. Several of the terms used in the wedding ceremony recall those
associated with religious festivals. For instance, telos, an end, recalls the
Eleusian mysteries, and telein, to end, is a characteristic term for
mysteries of initiation. Rites of passage are fundamentally alike: there is a
formal transition for the initiate to a new stage of life, there is a division of

participants such as men/women, maidens/married women, and

couple/society. In human weddings, the couple is made to parallel the
divine couple, as in religious ceremonies, with comparisons voiced in
songs and their quasi-divine images on vases.

Footnotes:
19. For a full discussion of marriage rites in general, see Zaidman, Louise Bruit. 1992. "Pandoras
Daughters and Rituals in Grecian Cities: In the Oikos" in Pauline Schmitt (ed)A History of Women:
Vol. I: 360-65.
20. Redfield, James. 1982. "Notes on the Greek Wedding." Arethusa 15, 188, refines the concept of
gamos to refer not just to the wedding day, but to highlight the consummation: "Gamos is the name,
in its primary significance, not of a ceremony but of the sexual act itself without which the marriage
is not (as we say) consummated, actual." For the purpose of this paper, gamos will refer to the day
of the actual wedding ceremony.
21. Encyclopedia, Perseus 2.0.
22. Homer illustrates the wedding feast in the Odyssey. Athena prepares Telemachos for
Penelope's new marriage and wedding feast: "and for thy mother, if her heart bids her marry, let her
go back to the hall of her mighty father, and there they will prepare a wedding feast, and make
ready the gifts full many aye, all that should follow after a well-loved daughter." Hom. Od.
1.275, Perseus 2.0.
23. Florence 4209 is a "volute krater elaborately decorated in six figured registers with additional
scenes on handles and elsewhere. On the shoulder, continuous around the whole vase, the
wedding of Peleus and Thetis and a procession of deities." Florence 4209 vase
description, Perseus 2.0.
24. Weddings of the gods' were thought to parallel human weddings. For a detailed comparison of
divine and human weddings, see Avagianou, Aphrodite. 1991. Sacred Marriage in the Rituals of
Greek Religion. Bern.
25. The alternate timing of the anakalupteria will be noted below.
26. Menander, fr. 720.
27. Vase description for Bloomington 72.97.4, Perseus 2.0.
28. Hom. Il. 18.491-96, Perseus 2.0.
29. On rare occasions, the bride would instead travel on foot, xamaipous. Avagianou, n. 50,
mentions that such a procession was recorded having occurred in "a provincial nuptial procession in
a third century town (procession in the day time - only women - on foot- with tympana and
cymbals)."
30. Avagianou, 12.
31. Some songs celebrated, specifically, the virtues of the bride, for instance, Sappho, frr. 112 &
113.
32. See Sappho frr. 110, 111, & 115 for this tone in the epithalamia.
33. There are many comparisons between weddings and funerals. For more, see Redfield 1982;
Rehm, Rush. 1994. Marriage to Death: The Conflation of Wedding and Funeral Rituals in Greek
Tragedy. Princeton, NJ; and Seaford, R. 1987. "The Tragic Wedding."Journal of Hellenic Studies 58:
106-30.
34. supra.
35. Redfield, 190.

Greek Weddings
Ideal Marriage

A woman's value was based on her ability to produce male heirs for her
husband. So too was a marriage judged. A woman did not become
agyne until she bore her first child, but remained instead a nymphe, a
married, though childless, woman. Marriage was simply a means to an
end, the end being a legitimate generation. Once a gyne, a woman was
responsible for raising the children and managing domestic affairs.
There is also a term to describe the union of the hearts and minds of a
married couple, homophrosune and it is used to define a marriage as
ideal. This term, however, can also be used to indicate a host guest
relationship or a relationship between two friends. Among the 3.4 million
words of Greek in Perseus 2.0, homophrosune appears only twice, both
in the Odyssey.36 One instance refers to the relationship of husband and
wife; Odysseus explains to Nausicaa:
And for thyself, may the gods grant thee all that thy heart desires; a husband and a home may they
grant thee, and oneness of heart a goodly gift. For nothing is greater or better than this, when man
and wife dwell in a home in one accord, a great grief to their foes [185] and a joy to their friends; but
they know it best themselves.37

The second usage of homophrosune, on the other hand, is a reference to

friendship, as Telemachos tells Nestor's son:
Friends from of old we call ourselves by reason of our fathers' friendship, and we are moreover of
the same age, and this journey shall yet more establish us in oneness of heart.38

A synonym for homophrosune, homonoia, oneness of mind, is used much

more frequently, almost exclusively, by orators and philosophers.
In Plato's Alcibiades, for instance, Alcibiades and Socrates discuss the
role of homonoia in friendship and marriage.39 Here they agree that since
husbands and wives do not share in each other's endeavors, warfare and
weaving respectively, they are not "in agreement," as the Greek is
translated. Nevertheless, homophrosune was definitely used in one case
to refer to the ideal husband-wife relationship.

Footnotes:
36. For a list of authors included in Perseus 2.0, see www.perseus.tufts.edu.
37. Hom. Od. 6.181, Perseus 2.0.
38. Hom. Od. 15.198, Perseus 2.0.
39. Plat. Alc. 1126c-1127d, Perseus 2.0.

Ancient Weddings
by Jennifer Goodall Powers, SUNY Albany
Original text 1997 Jennifer Goodall Powers
Sappho and Her Wedding Songs
Book of Epithalamia
The final and shortest book of Sappho's poetry, Book Nine, is devoted to
epithalamia, wedding songs. The book of epithalamia varied in meter and
various other aspects, as Page explains her Book Nine
... is represented by a mere dozen short fragments, miscellaneous in metre,
sometimes abnormal in dialect, for the most part trivial in subject and style.
The indication is that the book was very short, and that its contents were of a
type uncommon in Sappho's poetry.
One feature of the epithalamia is that they were the only poems of Sappho that
were intended to be performed at a formal ceremony. Because very few other
Greek wedding songs remain, Sappho's epithalamia hold a special place in the
history of literature. These songs were sung at different times during the
ceremony, which would be reflected in the poems themselves. Fragment 110,
for instance, talks about the doorkeeper at the bridal chamber and so probably
was sung when the couple first entered the bedroom. Fragment 111, on the
other hand, was most likely sung during the procession, which is its subject.
Fragment 105a is a familiar, but instructive verse that typifies Sappho's
treatment of the marriage ceremony.
All alone a sweet apple reddens on the topmost branch,
high on the highest branch, the apple pickers did not notice it,
they did not truly forget it, but they could not reach it. (Fr. 105)
Here Sappho compares a bride to an apple, ready for plucking and marriage.
Like the apple, the bride had previously escaped the notice of the

gatherers/suitors and so she may have been older than the average bride,
which would explain why this poem was appropriately performed at the
wedding ceremony. DuBois discusses the language for the apple that is
reddening and maturing just as the bride is at a stage of life in which she is
blooming:
the word, ereuthetai, "reddens," the verb, is at the center of the first line of the
fragment and anchors it, its color spreading forward and backward in the line ...
As the sweet-apple reddens and thus ripens, so the girl blushes and ripens. As
the apple lives and grows, it reddens, turning from the immature fruit; the girl
matures inevitably as well.
DuBois continues by exploring the double meaning of akron, which can mean
both distance (high) and quality (the best):
This sweet apple is the best, the highest of the high, the most distant from the
common ground. The most physically distant, the highest, is also best.
And akron suggests completeness, the fullness of time: the sweet apple
reddens on the perfected branch.
The close relationship and deep meaning of each word in this fragment
enhance the comparison of the apple and the bride and their situations.
The sexual image of the bride in this poem is also evident. Apples are symbols
for breasts and sexuality; the use of the verb usually has blood and blushing
connotations; and a sweet apple symbolizes the sweet temperament of a wife.
Winkler expands the simile's meaning, which, for him, also goes beyond just
describing a sexual woman: "the vocabulary and phrasing ... contain a delicate
and reverential attitude to the elusive presence and-absence of women in the
world of men." He goes on to point out that not only is this something men had
never expressed in poetry before, but it is also something men would not
understand. Sappho is not describing the physical aspects of the bride's
sexuality (breasts, etc.); she is illustrating the emotional sensuality of the bride
(maturity, growth in womanhood). Male poets would traditionally focus on the
physical lust and desire aroused in themselves by women. Instead, this
fragment explores something only a woman would truly have been able to
vocalize.
Other fragments of the epithalamia also illustrate prominent wedding themes.
For example, Sappho gives the groom a sharp-witted treatment in some.

The feet of the doorkeeper are seven fathoms long,

his sandals are made of five ox-hides,
ten cobblers worked hard making them. (Fr. 110)
Oh the roof on high,
sing hymnaios,
raise up, craftsmen,
sing hymnaios.
The bridegroom comes just like Ares,
a man much bigger than a big man. (Fr. 111)
Unlike fragment 105a that praises the bride, these poems mock the unwieldy
size of body parts of the men involved in the ceremony. Fragment 110 was
performed by a choir of maidens warning the best man to keep watch
throughout the night outside the bridal chamber. As Greek marriage and the
wedding ceremony itself placed such a high value on producing children, the
couple's first sexual encounter was very important. So too then was the
doorkeeper important. And yet while Sappho mocks his feet, she also
concludes the poem by reminding him how hard the cobblers worked to make
the sandals. This is also a warning to him about how hard he is expected to
work at his job: protecting the couple's first consummation by guarding the
door.
Fragment 111 was sung during the procession, comparing the size of the
groom to Ares. The god is usually very threatening and imposing, so why
compare a groom to him? Just as Ares cowers when faced with the sexual
aggression of Aphrodite, so too may Sappho be making a joke at the groom's
expense. Ribald jokes were often the source of wedding songs and this one
could be mocking the groom's sexual abilities and fears.
Despite her ribald treatment of the groom in fragment 111, Sappho is slightly
more respectful of the groom in fragment 115.
What would I compare to you so beautifully,
o dear bridegroom
I would compare you above all to a tall sapling. (Fr. 115)
While fragment 115 does not illustrate a particular part of the wedding
ceremony as do the previous two fragments, the poetess may have uttered it
as the groom entered the bridal chamber. In line with the other poems mocking

the "men's paraphernalia," Sappho may be making a statement here about the
groom's sexual excitement for his new bride. She says the groom is like a new
tree that is young and inexperienced, but stands upright.
Another interesting observation about these fragments is their jovial tone not
usually seen in Sappho's poetry. This tone, however, is characteristic of
epithalamia as the wedding ceremony was a celebration of the happiness of
the union and its future children that was enhanced by songs. Sappho is not
cruelly mocking the height of the groom in fragment 115 or the size of the
doorkeeper's feet in 110; instead, she is making a joke that everyone can
share.
A common theme of epithalamia is a reminder to the groom how lucky he is to
be marrying such a worthy bride.
O blest bridegroom, your marriage has been
achieved as you prayed,
you have the maiden which you prayed for,
you look graceful, your eyes...
gentle, and love pours over your beautiful face
... Aphrodite honored you especially. (Fr. 112)
For now there was no other child, bridegroom,
like this one (Fr. 113)
Lardinois explains that "the looks of a girl were considered to be extremely
important in antiquity." The bride in fragment 112 is subtly compared to
Aphrodite, elevating the beauty of the bride to divine status. This beauty is
embodied in such features as her eyes, voice and sweetness of nature. The
groom, then, has found a truly worthy wife.
One unique feature of fragment 112 is that Sappho uses the same language
here, in a heteroerotic poem, as she does in her homoerotic poems. mellixa,
used to describe feminine gentleness, for example, is used again in fragments
2 and 71. Both of these poems, unlike the epithalamia here, discuss Sappho's
love for other women. Fragment 71 is dedicated to a girl named Mica:
... Mica ... you ... but I shall not allow
you ... you chose the friendship of ladies of the
house of Penthilus ..., you villain, ... our ...

a sweet song ... soft-voiced ... (sings?), and

shrill (breezes?) ... dewy ... (Fr. 71)
Apparently Mica has switched her alliance to a new group and yet the poet tries
to lure her back with reminders of the gentle songs they once shared. Unlike
fragment 112, which addresses the groom and looks forward to the love that
will be shared by the couple, in fragment 71mellixa indicates the love once
shared between women.
So too is keuxutai used in fragment 96, ll. 12-14, the Attis poem, to describe a
pervading love once shared:
the dew is shed in beauty, and roses bloom and
tender chervil and flowery melilot. (Fr. 96.12-14)
Keuxtai, meaning poured forth, has a sexual connotation, both in fragment 112
about love and fragment 96 about dew, that leaves the audience with an image
of sexuality informing its object of desire. The groom, for instance, in fragment
112 is steeped in sexual desire for his beautiful bride. Likewise in fragment 96
Attis' lover is so desirous, her love melts over even the flowers. While it is the
dew that is keuxutai, the tone of the poem and the connotations of the verb
indicate that Attis' lover is also pouring forth her desire and sadness at the
memory of Attis.
Both of these fragments are clearly about love of women and yet Sappho uses
the same language as in fragment 112. This demonstrates Sappho's prioritizing
of beauty and the (homosexual) love that beauty arouses and her incorporation
of those ideas into her portrayal of marriage.
Fragment 113 is also a celebration of the luck of the groom in marrying a
worthy bride. Still, Sappho's use of pais, child, in reference to the bride raises
an interesting issue. Does it imply that the bride was like a child passed into
the hands of a new "father"? Indeed, if the bride was one of her students,
Sappho might have played a protective role herself and would have wanted the
groom to assume this role. She might be especially concerned if the bride was
still young, and if Sappho did not think she was ready to "graduate" into
marriage.
The complicated subject of virginity is addressed in fragment 114.

Oh maidenly things, maidenly things, having left me,

where have you gone
Never again will I come to you, never will I come. (Fr. 114)
In this poem a new bride wonders where her virginity has gone and learns that
it will never be able to return to her. Burnett explains the conflicting importance
of virginity and marriage:
virginity was of supreme importance and yet Sappho's maids, unlike Artemis,
were not to spend their lives in the wilds, but were to enter luxurious
households as brides. Ideally they were to have enough understanding of Eros
to bring their husbands pleasure, and consequently their education in purity
had to be seconded by another that taught them the value of physical love.
One of the responsibilities of Sappho as head of a thiasos would have been to
prepare the girls for this loss of virginity brought about by marriage. Burnett
continues:
at Sappho's house ... everyone learned the contradictory double lesson of the
bride: that virginity kept was glorious, while virginity lost in a marriage-bed was
an even more splendid thing. One had to be both pure and desirable, and the
balance was not easy to keep, for chastity was provocative.
Fragment 114 indicates that loss of virginity to marriage is indeed one of the
lessons taught at Sappho's thiasos. While this bride has been prepared for
married life at the school, marriage and heterosexual love remain frightening
concepts, and here she laments the change that has occurred. Marriage was an
ambiguous time for brides and this poem verbalizes one aspect of the fearful
expectations of the bride.
Two fragments 103 and 104 describe the beautiful setting of the wedding and
capture the pleasant mood which would have been part of the ceremony.
... for ... speak ... this
... the bride with beautiful feet ...
... the daughter of Zeus with a purple girdle ...
... having put aside her natural instinct ... the purple girdle ...
... holy Graces and Pierian Muses ...
... when ... songs ... the mind ...
... hearing the clear song ...
... bridegroom, to discomforting ... companions ...

... her locks of hair, having put aside the lyre ...
... gold sandalled Dawn ... (Fr. 103)
Hesperus, bringing everything that shining Dawn
scattered, you bring the sheep, you bring the goat,
you bring back the child to its mother. (Fr. 104a)
This bride of fragment 103 seems to be enjoying a completely private moment
with herself before submitting to male-dominated marriage. Aphrodite has put
aside her "natural instinct" for the moment so the bride is not compelled to
love and desire her husband. Instead, she can enjoy this temporary freedom,
probably barefoot, absorbing the beauty of nature and solitude.
While it may not seem to be a wedding song, fragment 104 is found in the book
of epithalamia. Because of the fragmentation, one can only guess at what the
end of the poem said. Campbell makes two suggestions: "the continuation
might have been either 'but Evening does not bring the bride back to her
parents' home' or 'so Evening brings the bride to her husband's home.'" These
suggestions support the idea that fragment 104 is a wedding song, and the
fragment that we have today sets the mood for the end of the evening
procession.
Fragments 116 and 117 are the final poems of this book. Both of these
epithalamia were probably sung at the wedding ceremony, intending to wish
luck (fertility) to the couple as they enter the bridal chamber to consummate
the marriage.
Rejoice bride, rejoice worthy bridegroom, many things ... (Fr. 116)
May you be well bride, be well bridegroom. (Fr. 117)
Fragment 117, in translation, loses Sappho's intention. In the Greek, however,
her usage of the second person optative "charios" in her address to the bride
indicates a much more personal message than the third person imperative
"charion" in her address to the groom. Not only do the number of both of these
commands (second person for the bride and third person for the groom), but
also the moods contrast with each other to illustrate Sappho's conflicting
attitudes towards the bride and groom. The optative of wish, possibly
unattainable, used to address the bride indicates a genuine concern and
understanding for her situation. The impersonal third person command to the
groom, on the other hand, shows no emotional connection between the

speaker and the groom. This further supports the notion that Sappho intended
her wedding songs to celebrate the bride and encourage her transition into
wifehood. And yet, in fragment 116, both the bride and the groom are
addressed in the second person, which indicates that Sappho does not exclude
the male entirely from the ceremony.

_______________Ancient Weddings
by Jennifer Goodall Powers, SUNY Albany
Original text 1997 Jennifer Goodall Powers
Sappho and Her Wedding Songs
Other of Epithalamia
Other epithalamia are present in other books and by definition they comment
to some extent on marriage. Fragment 44, for instance, is Sappho's rendition of
a wedding song represented as being sung at Hektor and Andromache's
wedding, but clearly not by Sappho's choir.
These songs portray a very different picture of marriage. The bride, for
instance, is not the center of attention in these poems. This is very different
from the book of epithalamia in which the bride and her emotions are the
central theme of almost all of them. The songs from the book of epithalamia
were either a window into the bride's emotions or an invitation to the ceremony
where the audience could participate in the jokes and festivities.
In fragment 27, on the other hand, the audience feels as if they are on the
outside of the ceremony in these poems, watching or even just hearing about
it.
... for you were once a (tender) child ...
come and sing this, all of you ... converse ...
and grant us ... (generous) favours; for we are
going to a wedding; and you too (know) this well;

but send the maidens away as quickly as possible;

and may the gods have ... (There is no) road to
great Olympus for mortals ... (Fr. 27)
Since this poem is highly fragmentary, it is not so easy to discern what is
happening. But it is clear that a group of women are to attend a wedding, that
there will be singing and celebrating, that maidens would play a part in the
ceremony, and that the gods are called upon. Again, the bride in the song as
well as in the ceremony is the focus of activity. This poem prepares her to leave
behind her childhood and join a new life. The details mentioned in this poem
are drawn from the parts of the wedding ceremony; in fact, they could
collectively constitute a wedding on their own.
All in all, this theme is reminiscent of fragments 103 and 104, as they all set a
mood for the wedding. And yet, this mood is very different. The constant
barrage of verbal actions ("come ... sing ... converse ... grant ... going ... send")
and almost frenetic tone ("send the maidens away as quickly as possible")
introduce a tension that was absent from fragments 103 and 104, which, in
general, focused on the beauty and gentleness of the whole situation. The
speaker here is probably one of the girls whom the bride is leaving behind at
Sappho's school, and as such, she would be less likely to truly celebrate the
wedding. Instead, she seems to be going through the motions in a tense, but
required, way.
Like the previous fragment, fragment 30 has a certain distance to it.
night...
maidens...
all night long...
might sing of the sweetest thing for you and
the purple robed bride.
But wake up and come,
fetch the unmarried boys, so that
we might see the clear-voiced bird come
(more) than sleep. (Fr. 30)
This song was probably sung early in the morning after the ceremony by the
bride's friends who had spent the night outside the bridal chamber. It is time
for the boys to return to the groom's house and for the couple to emerge from

the bedroom. This was how the third day of the wedding ceremony, the palia,
would begin. The maidens do not address the bride, who was their friend just
yesterday. Instead, they wake the groom and call the other boys back. The
bride has already been shunned by her former friends (and lovers?).
By contrast, fragment 44 seems neither celebratory nor wistful, merely
descriptive.
Cyprus ...
the herald came, Idaeus the swift messenger ...
and the rest of Asia ... the undying reputation ...
Hektor and his companions are bringing quick-glancing,
graceful Andromache from holy Thebes and Placia in
ships over the salt sea. (There are) many golden braclets,
purple clothes, ornate toys, countless silver wine cups and ivory.
So he spoke. Nimbly his dear father lept up.
Rumor went to his friends throughout the spacious city.
At once the descendants of Ilos yoked the mules to
the smooth wheeled carriage and the whole crowd of women
and (tender) ankled maidens climbed aboard, separately the daughters
of Priam also ... and men led the horses
under chariots ... unmarried men far and wide ...
charioteer ...
...
like gods ...
holy ... all together ...
set out ... to Ilium,
the sweet sounding flute and cithara were mingled and
sound of castanets, sweetly the maidens
sang a holy song, and a marvelous echo reached
the sky ...
everywhere in the streets was ...
vessels and bowls ...
myrrh and casia and frankincense were mixed together.
The older women cried out,
all the men shouted charmingly a deep sound having called

Pan Apollo, the far-thrower, skilled with the lyre,

they sang in praise of godlike Hektor and Andromache. (Fr. 44)
This description of the wedding procession of Hektor and Andromache is typical
of an aristocratic Greek wedding procession. People are rejoicing, the carriage
is prepared to carry the bride, singing and music are lifted to the sky and
presents abound. Also seen here as in the poems discussed above, the bride
and groom both receive compliments and they are compared to gods.
Two other fragments have wedding themes that are relevant for examination
here.
There a bowl of ambrosia had been mixed,
Hermes took the jug and poured wine for the gods.
They all held wine cups, and they
offered libations and prayed altogether for good things
for the bridegroom. (Fr. 141)
guard her ... bridegrooms ... kings of cities (Fr. 161)
Neither of these fragments is particularly clear on their context, but the key
word, gambros, bridegroom, is in both. Fragment 141 seems to be a wedding
feast with the men drinking wine, probably before the procession. In all
likelihood, there were only men present since the men and women, while at the
same celebration, did not sit together. The complete poem may have
celebrated a divine wedding, that of Peleus and Thetis for instance. Fragment
161 may have been an epic wedding, like fragment 44, as would be indicated
by the mention of kings. In the other epithalamia, there is no comparable
reference to kings, thereby making this fragment unique, and resonating the
epic-like description of Hektor and Andromache's wedding procession in
fragment 44.
Sappho and Her Wedding Songs
Sappho's Attitude Toward Marriage
Because Sappho's fragments (that we have today) do not concentrate on
heterosexual unions, we must start by working backwards in order to
determine her attitude towards marriage: what is not being said? For instance,
her daughter, mother and brothers are mentioned in fragments, but her
husband is conspicuously absent from all her fragments. Does this indicate that

Sappho dismissed marriage as an important part of Greek womanhood (or that

she herself was not married)?
Probably not, since she did write an entire book of wedding songs. As
mentioned above, the thiasos was responsible for preparing the girls for
marriage and a surrender of virginity. Blundell contends that Sappho held
marriage in very high regard as a part of female maturity:
... [the epithalamia] testify to her recognition of marriage as a crucial element
in women's experience. But marriage also brought the pain of parting from
family and friends, since it involved transference of a woman to another
household, and often to another community. This may well have been the
cause of the separations which form the background to a number of Sappho's
poems ... The pattern of conquest and domination which characterizes the
male lyricists' idea of love is replaced in Sappho's verse by a model founded
upon reciprocity; and the tension which underlies the poem is created, not by a
"will the lover get the girl" scenario, but by the context of the enforced parting.
This substantiates the point that these poems are infused with a female point
of view that added credence to what she is saying to the girls. The girls turn to
Sappho for guidance during their preparation for the important transfer to
marriage. Hallett explains:
Significantly, the only writer of the archaic and classical periods who delights in
the details of the marriage rites for their own sake, and who in fact regards the
marital union as an important and equal source of pleasure to bridegroom as
well as bride, is Sappho. ... Sappho's wedding poems, moreover, indicate that
the female members of her milieu were profoundly concerned with their
physical desirability as brides and the prospect of losing their maidenhood.
In celebrating marriage and wifehood with the epithalamia, Sappho encourages
the girls to look forward to marriage as a happy time of life without fear. The
school did not, however, necessarily suggest that the girls give up the love of
other women, as shown in Sappho's own ability as a married woman to write
about her love for women. Snyder continues:
That Sappho did write such songs seems to have puzzled some modern
readers, who find it difficult to reconcile her involvement in the institution of
marriage with the passionate love poetry she addressed to other women. In the
absence of any independent concrete evidence about the social structures of

sixth-century Lesbos, all that can be said with certainty is that for whatever
reasons, Sappho herself did not regard marriage and lesbianism as mutually
exclusive. In Sappho's world, there is room for coexistence.
As homosexuality did not endanger the production of legitimate children (as an
extra-marital affair would), it was not a threat to men and was an acceptable
outlet for women.
While marriage may not seem on the surface to have been Sappho's primary
focus, it definitely influenced the themes of her poetry. Preparation for
marriage and loss of virginity dictated the nature of her instruction as
headmaster of a thiasos and informed her roles as a poet and celebrant in
Greek weddings. In fact, celebration of the wedding ceremonies of her friends
provided inspiration for her epithalamia.
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