Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

- Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate

objects.
- Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
understand.
- Hit any user to continue.
- Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one ? (Y/N)
- Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
- All computers wait at the same speed.
- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
- Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
- MY software never has bugs, it just develops random features.
- Computers are not intelligent, they only think they are.
- Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
- Relax, it's only ONES and ZEROS!
- Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
- "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
- "!sgub evah t'nseod CP sihT ?sgub naem ayaddahW"
- "#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare."
- "Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?"
- "Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?"
- "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
- 'Calm down -- it's only ones and zeros.'
- ..... REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable to recover Universe
- .signature not found! reformat hard drive? [Yn]
- 29A, the hexadecimal of the Beast.
- <-------- The information went data way -------->
- A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1
- A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you
want it to do.
- A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't

broken.
- A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension
cord.
- A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it
tolerates them.
- A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless
bathroom.
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely?
- A)bort, R)etry, S)elf-destruct?
- A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
- A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
- A)bort, R)etry, P)ee in drive door
- (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
- AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
- Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
- APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
- ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.
- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- Brook
- After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
- All computers run at the same speed...with the power off.
- All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here
- All new: The software is not compatible with previous
versions.
- All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy
actors.
- All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
- And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
- Another megabytes the dust.
- Any program that runs right is obsolete.
- Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they
do in the movies.
- As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
- As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.

- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

- Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
- BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
- Backup not found! A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?
- Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
- Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
- Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
- Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
- Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
- Leonard Brandwein
- Brain fried; core dumped.
- Breakthrough: It nearly booted on the first try.
- Buy a Pentium Pro 200 Mhz so you can reboot faster.
- C:\GRAPHICS\GIF\NAUGHTY\FILTHY\DISGUSTING\WOW!
- CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
- CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
- CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.
- Cannot read from drive a:

Your fault!

- Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!

- Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any
source.
- Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
- Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
- Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
- Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more
unreliable.
- Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
- Pablo Picasso
- Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
- DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
- Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
- Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.

- (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza

- Disc space, the final frontier!
- Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are
transmission errors.
- Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
- Do you like me for my brain or my baud?
- Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
- Don't document the program; program the document.
- Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
- Don't let the computer bugs bite!
- Don't stop at one bug.
- Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
- EBCDIC: Erase, Back up, Chew Disk, Ignite Card
- Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can.
- Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
- Every bug you find is the last one.
- Exclusive: We're the only ones who have the documentation.
- Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.
- File not found. I'll make something up.
- Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares
- Foolproof operation: All parameters are hard coded.
- Futuristic: It will only run on a next generation
supercomputer.
- Girlfriend Pregnant. (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore ?
- Go ahead, make my data!
- God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
- Hackers have kernel knowledge.
- Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
- How do I set my laser printer on stun?
- I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
- I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!

- I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers

- I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
- I'm a modemer and I'm OK. I post all night and I sleep all
day.
- IBM: I Breaks Monthly
- IBM: I'd Buy Macintosh
- IBM: Idiots Became Managers
- If a program is useful, it must be changed.
- If a program is useless, it must be documented.
- If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
- If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
- If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
- If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the
remaining 3 percent?
- In /dev/null no one can hear you scream
- Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
- It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
- Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
- Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the
source code.
- Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...
- Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke -Obi Wan Gates.
- MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
- Machine-independent: Does not run on any existing machine.
- Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
- Make sure comments and code agree.
- Maniac: An early computer built by nuts...
- Me and my two friends... GIF and Wesson.
- Meets quality standards: Compiles without errors.
- Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...
- My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.

- My computer NEVER cras

- My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.
- Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in
a crowded theater.
- Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
- Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time.
- D. Gries
- Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window.
- S. Hunt
- New: It comes in different colors from the previous version.
- Nice computers don't go down.
- Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
- Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...
- Objects are closer than they appear.
- Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
- Old mail has arrived.
- Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
- On a clear disk you can seek forever. -Computerworld button
- One man's constant is another man's variable. - Perlis
- One person's error is another person's data.
- One picture is worth 128K words.
- Performance proven: It works through beta test.
- Portable: Survives system reboot.
- Press all the keys at once to continue...
- Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
- Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
- Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
- RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
- SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory.
- SET DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
- Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
- THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #13: SLOBOL

SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its

compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee
break while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to
travel to Bolivia to pick the coffee. Forty-three
programmers are known to have died of boredom sitting at
their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to
compile. Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related
(but infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
- Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
- Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
- Spell chequers dew knot work write.
- Spellchecker not found. Press -- to continue ...
- Strike any user when ready.
- Sure it's user-friendly...if you know what you're doing.
- SYNTAX? Why not--they tax everything else!
- System error : press F13 to continue.
- System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
- System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
- The name is Baud......, James Baud.
- The UARTs won't take this speed, Captain
- The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
- The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
- "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in
their home." -- Ken Olson, President of DEC, World Future
Society Convention, 1977
- This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
- This screen intentionally left blank.
- This tagline is SHAREWARE! To Register, send me $10.
- Those who can't write, write help files.
- To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
- Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
- A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
- Where kan I fnid a spell chequer for taglines?

- WOMAN.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...

- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT ! JUST TURN DOWN THE TONER VOLUME !
- You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll
need that version.
- You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your
new password.
- You might have mail.
- You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
- f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
- No drive letter specified... Formatting all...