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About the author

Without putting too much stress on these matters


Chris is now retired, an ex-lecturer. Having
successfully taught in all phases of education
including post graduate courses and consultancy
work for governments and commercial enterprises
both in this country and overseas, Chris is now
meeting the promise made to herself long ago, to
stop messing about with poetry and write a novel.
Chriss subject being Psychology, with particular
reference to cognitive issues and what is best
described as personal interactions, has enabled the
idea to be fully tested; that if the human race if not
completely barmy, is at least creatively so. Her
workplace party piece was sorting out dysfunctional
teams brought down by trivia, scraps over car
parking places being a favourite.
In the course of such work Chris has had articles,
self-help booklets for teachers, head teachers,
careers service and various research reports. This
unfortunately left its stylistic mark but after a short
creative writing course at her own university of
Leeds she felt equipped to begin The Dentist, The
Fairies and The Wise Old Birds.
When not hiding up the Yorkshire Dales writing,
Chris skis in France with the French relatives and
sails her ketch Galadriel of Ravenglass with every
intention of bringing the boat home, but always
getting waylaid by Corsica.

Christine Gibson

THE DENTIST, THE


FAIRIES AND THE WISE
OLD BIRDS

Copyright Christine Gibson (2015)


The right of Christine Gibson to be identified as author of this
work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77
and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the
publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to
this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil
claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the
British Library.
ISBN 9781785545719 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781785545726 (Hardback)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2015)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd.
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LQ

Printed and bound in Great Britain

Acknowledgments
Thanks to Dave Wilson for the photograph on the
front cover of this book.

We need to go back to the beginning

Not so very long ago, a dentist fed up with spending


his time looking into resistant mouths, was found
unconscious in nearby woods not far from the Gill
Beck pub. Given the situation most people assumed
he was peacefully fast asleep on account of the
drink. But he would not be roused, was obviously
not dead, worse he appeared to be enjoying himself.
Once discovered people wanted to know what was
going on. To help, interfere, settle old scores,
prevent themselves from becoming bored, or
whatever else took their fancy. However, whenever
large numbers of assorted well-wishers or possibly
just busybodies become involved, the inevitable
happens, it becomes more complicated. Teeth went
unattended to, arguments and misunderstandings
developed, some of which have not been settled to
this day. Up here on the edge of the moor tribalism
has yet to die a decent death.
Once a retired CID officer and his
superannuated search and rescue dog became
involved it turned into a right old mess, some
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matters remain unclear to this day. Individuals sure


their interpretation of events was right, everybody
elses wrong still argue in the pub and post office
about events. The usual self-interest at work, with
the more in touch doubting their sanity. The good
folk were sure that all could be easily explained, but
Fairies, never in a month of pink Sundays. Dennis
the Dentist dead, no he was just drunk and sleeping
it off, and as for an itinerant Pixie turning up to
offer unwelcome advice, once again never in a
month of pink Sundays. Some folks, for reasons
best kept to themselves, denied playing any direct
part in what came to be known as The Right Old
Carry-On. Others wildly exaggerated both events
and their part in them. While some poor souls to this
very day remain in the realms of the bewildered.
Matters became tangled. It is easy to be wise after
an event, however misguided it might be. Should
anybody be interested, what follows is the best
explanation presently available.

Ellis and Barney

Slowly dawn light spread over the stone flagged


floor, covering Ellis and his dog Barney, who was
as usual an exemplary, exceptionally warm and
peaceful sleep mate. They were dead to the world
on the kitchen floor. Barney snored softly, Ellis
loudly but with less musicality. Usually, they
became conscious about dawn when the light and
breakfast smells from next door engulfed Barney. It
took much longer to rouse Ellis, but last night
troubled dreams disturbed him. When Barney
sneezed Ellis woke up, tried to move his cramped
arm but failed. It was comforting, warm and
peaceful lying next to Barney; reluctant to move,
being comfortable to a fault, Ellis drifted back into
sleep. Barney groaned, he was feeling hungry but
disturbing his sleeping companion of many years
was unthinkable.
The previous night, Ellis, without Barney, had
walked across to the pub. He went every night just
for a couple of pints, but mainly for the company of
friends, one of whom was the Dentist. This could
not unfortunately be part of Barneys routine
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because he was over fond of other peoples beer. It


had tried Elliss affection for him on too many
occasions. Barney, a Springer Spaniel, was a heavy
dog to carry home after he had been beer testing.
The pub was only just opposite Elliss cottage but it
felt like a serious assault on an alp trying to carry
Barney home. After having to fetch the
wheelbarrow a time or two as transport, Ellis gave
up. Being a dog taxi was not part of his retirement
plans, so from then on Ellis went to the pub while
Barney stayed at home trying to work out why he
was excluded and fondly remembering the beer.
It was not just the beer. No ice cream van was
safe. Barney, after clearing the garden gate, would
shuffle up to the ice cream van and wait, sure in the
certain knowledge that somebody would buy him an
ice cream cone. With Barneys special skills
needing to be kept in check, he found himself at
home most evenings watching and waiting for
Elliss return. Barney, by now, quite an elderly,
distinguished, retired search and rescue dog, was
perfectly content, it gave him time to think and
remember.
Barney moved again and licked Ellis, both
finally woke up. Gradually Ellis remembered
surfacing earlier to a ringing sound, being
reasonably sure that it was not in his head,
wondered what was going on. Usually the old red
phone box opposite his cottage remained silent. It
looked decorative enough but now served very little
purpose. Mobiles rule the day. A group of villagers
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had tried to adopt the telephone box, but were


foiled. The telephone company were having none of
it. However, the deciding snag, which led to
complete breakdown and failure was due to a
dispute over potting compost. Another unexpected
consequence getting in the way brought on by the
belief that anyone born south of Sheffield was not to
be trusted. And as Mrs Bickersdyke, self-styled
postmistress, all too fully explained, why should an
incomer be allowed to chair the telephone box
committee? There existed absolute belief that only
folks whose families had been here for centuries
understood how to do things properly. This
surfaced, came into action each time something
threatening came over the horizon. However, if
there had been any chance of the telephone box
being removed the whole village would have been
up in arms, and that would not have been a pretty
sight. After prolonged consideration, a slice of toast
and marmalade donated by Mrs Bickersdyke, Ellis
attempted to sort himself out. The ringing was not
in his head, or at least not yet. If the telephone had
indeed rung the previous night, it begged the
question why. Ellis was approaching the always
worried phase of not getting any younger, which
realization only added to his already overwrought
mind. He had begun to worry, when earlier in his
life it would have passed by, he would not give it a
second thought. Elliss worrying in turn caused
disturbance in Barney. Transference of feelings
between this particular man and dog was almost
5

complete. They depended upon each other for


mutual comfort. Which others, less blessed could
find either alarming or endearing. At least Ellis
managed to convince himself the ringing was
external. He had always been careful, tended to
check and double check everything, which up to a
point had been useful in his former CID profession.
Ellis needed to acquire a certain level of
assertiveness and purpose to survive, but however
hard he tried to be in command of himself and
possibly others, was destined to remain one of the
meek, who no matter what happened, would never
inherit the earth.
Giving too much consideration to life and its
irritations had become an unfortunate hobby, an
integral part of Ellis and Barneys life together.
However, mysteries were another matter altogether
which unsettled the professional part of Ellis. Who,
he wondered, who or what could be ringing an
ancient red phone box in the middle of the night.
They may be trying to find out if the coast was clear
to steal it, sending a message to a gang of
international art thieves, or perhaps it was just a
wrong number. Once or twice Ellis had looked out
of the window while it was still ringing. Nobody
was in sight. Nobody was in the phone box, nobody
outside it, or in the trees next to it, and no car was
parked nearby. However, he knew that the phone
boxs number was very close to that of the Dentist.
Ellis toyed with the idea that anybody trying to ring
a dentist in the middle of the night must be mad.
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Dentists were elusive enough creatures in the


daylight, why should anybody try to ring one at
night, only madness could explain that possibility.
Being keen to unravel the mystery of the late night
phone ringing, Ellis did some serious pondering. He
devised a plan, decided to investigate the matter, to
write down the dates and times when the telephone
rang and find out if there was a pattern. Having
been trained in his ex- police career to look for
patterns, this was second nature to him. Perhaps
there really was somebody hiding in the trees
waiting to pick up the phone, or waiting in a car. It
needed a thorough investigation. The following
night Ellis sat in the window seat, which faced the
pub and telephone box, hidden behind the curtains,
and with the lights off, he could watch in secrecy.
Nothing happened. Each night he repeated the
procedure. A week passed by until, on the following
Wednesday night, when he was just about to give
up, after returning from the pub, the telephone rang
four times and then stopped. Watching closely Ellis
saw the shadow of a figure leave the side entrance
to the pub and walk towards the road beyond the
telephone box, into the trees. This person seemed to
leave behind them a slight green glow and, if he had
been able to hear it, a gurgle of giggling. Somebody
appeared to be illegally at the beer.
Ellis, with difficulty managed to contain
himself. He wanted to rush out and find out what
was going on, to tackle the figure and bring it down.
Fortunately he remembered, just in time, that the
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last opportunity he had to tackle somebody ended in


tears and hospital for both him and his innocent
victim. So Ellis stayed put, satisfied at least that he
was right all along, the ringing was not in his head.
Ellis sat for a while longer, his mind running
here and there over supposed and actual wrongs,
until tired out with old age, thinking, and the cold
began to feel sleepy. Getting up from the window
seat he tripped over Barney, who was on the
receiving end of the last dregs of Elliss tea. Ellis
passed out accurately but incapable, on the red rug
on the stone flagged floor. Barney was not amused
but it followed a familiar pattern, and Barney
thrived on familiarity. So, as usual, he relaxed at the
side of his master providing a warm, hairy blanket
for the night. All was well, all was familiar, they
were set fine for a good nights sleep together, old
man and Springer Spaniel. It started to become
light. The dawn crept across the rug on which
Barney and Ellis lay peacefully snoring as usual.
The light reached out to the rug and slowly began to
colour in the red. Barney shifted his position, sighed
deeply, and leaned even more heavily on the
collapsed Ellis who remained still. As the dogs
weight began as usual to cramp his arm Ellis began
to stir, gradually returning to the land of the living.
Having gained some semblance of consciousness,
although not necessarily as most folks would
recognize it. Open eyes being the only sign of life
not unique to Ellis, it could well apply to many
others we meet every day. Elliss former work had
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spanned all hours and happily, still allowed him to


appear conscious while remaining close inside
himself, not giving out any indication of being
awake while still absorbing everything which was
going on. At one time he even learned to sleep
standing up, just like a horse, quite a skill and
considerable help in his professional duties.
Ellis collected himself, realized he was at home,
because Barney never stayed overnight at other
peoples houses, he always refused to stop
anywhere except with Ellis in the cottage. The chip
in the stone flag beneath his nose seemed familiar.
Barney was asleep, so he was indeed at home. As
always Barneys comforting warmth tempted Ellis
to stay put, but the feeling that all was not well
would not go away. He felt very uneasy, things
were not quite as they should be. He began to feel
twitchy, just as he had done, in the past, at the start
of a difficult job. After a few attempts to move
Barney, he rolled the dog off the rug onto the floor.
Barney grumbled, Ellis rolled over to the opposite
rug side onto his knees and pulled himself upright
by clinging to the legs of the sturdy kitchen table, it
needed to be. Once upright, Ellis moved over to the
cracked mirror propped up on a shelf above the
kitchen sink and stared at himself for some time.
Making sure he was still all there being the most
important first job of the day. Who knows what
could happen in the night if you were not too
careful?

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