https://www.psychologytoday.

com/blog/girls-women-and-wellness/201511/why-are-mediabeauty-ideals-toxic-our-daughters

Why Are Media Beauty Ideals

Toxic for Our Daughters?
Parents, take a moment to inventory the media sources currently in your home.
What magazines are on display? If your daughter subscribes to teen magazines,
what are the articles and ads about? What television shows do you watch while your
daughter is home? What movies does she see? What are the sites she is viewing on
the Internet? What overall messages about beauty and worth do you think your
daughter is receiving from all of these sources?
I am guessing that the message is this: popular media tells girls from a very early
age that they should focus their time, energy, and money on achieving a largely
unattainable, thin, beautiful, and sexy ideal as represented by images in magazines,
television, movies, the fashion industry, and on the Internet. As depicted in the
shocking-yet-convincing Dove Campaign for Real Beauty video titled Onslaught:
There is indeed an onslaught of beauty pressures that bombard our daughters daily
lives. If girls listen to these messages, they come to believe two things: (a) I should
look like this and if I did, I would be happier, and (b) Practically anyone can look like
this if they work hard enough and buy the right products and merchandise. So not
only do many girls start to believe that they should be focused on attaining the
"perfect physique," they also believe something is wrong with them if they are
somehow unable to reach this goal. And they develop a negative body image as a
result. This is a significant concern because we know that a negative body image is
related to a host of other problems like low self-esteem, depression, excessive
dieting, and eating disorders.[1]
A fascinating and classic study of the relationship between television and behaviors
by Anne Becker and colleagues examined the introduction of television to the island
of Fiji. Just before television was introduced in 1995, researchers examined girls
body image and weight loss behaviors and then measured them again three years
later. Even though this was a small study, the girls in the study who lived in homes
with televisions were more than three times more likely to have engaged in
unhealthy weight control behaviors like excessive dieting, exercising, fasting,
vomiting, and purging. These girls reported that they were directly influenced by the
characters they saw on television and wanted to look more like them. This
dissatisfaction led to a dramatic increase in weight loss behaviors that are harmful
to teenage girls.[2] More recent studies show how watching music videos intensifies
this effect.

The relationship between body image and media viewing also holds for girls and
womens magazines: many studies have demonstrated a direct relationship
between the time spent viewing thin-beautiful-sexy magazine advertisements and
girls negative views of themselves.[3] Most recently this same effect has also been
demonstrated through social media the more time girls reported spending on
social media sites, the more likely they were to have a negative body image.[4] It
seems that the more time girls spend poring over pictures, comparing themselves
with how many friends other people have, and obsessing over how many likes a
particular picture or post receives causes girls to feel badly about their appearance
over time.
So the evidence is clear: parents need to be aware of the direct relationship
between media viewing and negative body image as we make decisions about what
and how much and what types of media we allow into our daughters lives. I offer
many strategies for reducing media influences and for promoting a positive body
image in my new book, Swimming Upstream: Parenting Girls for Resilience in a Toxic
Culture (Oxford University Press, 2015). For now, here are 3 practical steps you can
take towards limiting negative media images that are damaging to your daughters
body image:

Monitor your magazines: If you have fashion magazines in your home, consider
that for this period in your life it may be healthier for your daughters development
if you cancel your subscription(s). While fashion magazines might seem an obvious
culprit, some research indicates that health and fitness magazines can be just as
harmful to girls body image. Girls who read health and fitness magazines on a
frequent basis are more likely to have problems with unhealthy diet strategies like
taking laxatives, excessive exercise, or extreme dieting than are girls who dont
read these publications. This effect is especially harmful for girls who are already
dissatisfied with their bodies.[5]
Keep the television out of her room: Many studies indicate that girls who have
unrestricted access to television are more likely to adopt the thin-beautiful-sexy
ideal, are more likely to engage in sexual activity sooner, and are more likely to
experiment with alcohol and drugs at an earlier age.[6]
Monitor Internet use: While most of us are very aware of the potential dangers of
the Internet for children and teens, you may not be as aware of the influence
websites and social media have on the development of negative body image and
even disordered eating. For example, be aware that Thinspiration websites have
become strikingly common, encouraging girls to go on extreme diets, compete with
one another, and take other measures to attain ultra-thinness. One recent review of
these Thinspiration sites found over 400 sites, with over 500,000 girls viewing the
images and comments in just one year. [7] Many girls meet on the website and
them compete with each other to see who can lose the most weight. Overall, it is
good to set limits on the amount of time she can spend on-line each day, as the
more time she spends in the digital world, the more likely she is to start to compare

herself to the cultural ideal and to other girls. As with other types of media, this is
likely to result in negative outcomes for her body image.
I know it isnt easy to turn down the volume on these messages because they are
everywhere and it is increasingly hard to tune them out in our media-saturated
culture. But our steps in the right direction can truly benefit our daughters and
serve to protect their body image, mental health, and overall self-esteem

The main theme of this article is the effects the media has on
young girls and their thoughts on their appearance and how it
affects the way they see themselves and how they should
transform themselves. I think that this article is mainly for girls
ranging any age from 6-18. But I think that they should have at
least briefly talked about how it can also affect boys and not just
girls. The researcher did a study and studied how girls in Fiji
viewed themselves before they all got TVs in 1995. They then
asked them three years later if it has affected their body image,
and it did. I found that very interesting and kind of unexpected
after just three years. But I still think they should have studied
boys too because it would be interesting to know how much they
are affected, and I also thought it was somewhat sexist. This
reminded me of positive reinforcement because girls see all these
commercials and how products and skinny beautiful girls get
better things in life, so its reinforcing that they should also do this
to themselves.

The Power of Words and

Feelings: Giving in to the
Negative
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resilience-andreframing/201511/the-power-words-and-feelings-giving-in-thenegative
It is not uncommon to hear people say, Im so jealous of or I
really envy or other phrases of covetousness. To some, this
may be an initial reaction to a positive event or life change that
has occurred in someone elses life. If our own pain or loss
becomes very difficult for a time, we may regard others as more
fortunate. As we age, this covetousness may be a dangerous and
slippery slope. Those feelings of envy or jealousy can prevent us
from our imagined path as we practice aging gracefully. Id like to
share two examples of the negative power of words and feelings.
The first concerns a client I had a number of years ago, who was
an IT guru at the university where she worked. She began to
question her life path after she turned 63. She was in therapy due
to the ending of her 30-year marriage. She had one son, and one
sister. Her sister was not a professional in academia, and had
raised two children who were both successful in their respective
professions. The sisters marriage was a sustaining union of 26
years. My client felt that her sister was the one who had achieved
a solid life-scaffolding plan while my client had not. This was
compounded by the sense of dread associated with the inner fear
that it is too late in life to change. Additionally, medical issues had
rendered my client unable to remain positive.
This shift caused words like jealous and envious to emerge in
our sessions, such as, I made a mistake not staying home and

looking after my son Im so jealous that she could and, I am so

envious of my sisters marriage I can hardly talk to her. She
cancelled plans to visit her sister over the holiday, and reported it
would feel too sad to be around her family it would make me
wish it were mine.

I proposed that she recall her own numerous achievements in the

area to which she had dedicated her life, which was education.
This practice would present a positive and fulfilling snapshot of
her worth as she aged. Reframing helped considerably. This was
not a fast process for her; however, realizing the negative effects
of verbalizing the jealousy and envy for her sister, the only family
she had, was imperative.
The second example of the power of words and feelings concerns
a neighbor, Ron (real names not used), in my condo community.
He had been a classical dancer for years prior to becoming a
decorator and was living in a condo next to his partner, Ned, of 22
years. Ron lived in a beautiful, inviting condo where he enjoyed
hosting many gatherings. His partner, who has been a Wall Street
broker for 24 years never allowed anyone in his home because
Ron has the beautiful home and I cant entertain like he does.
At dinner one evening at Rons, a guest asked about Rons famous
dancing career, an inquiry that Ron quickly dismissed and
deflected to Ned regarding his successful career on Wall Street.
Ned responded, Ill never be known on the street like Ron, and
Ive tried to imagine how life would be for me if I had what he
has. I asked what he enjoyed about his own career and was told
that he hated it, even though his success had been early and
sustaining. I sensed both anger and envy in this 56-year-old man,
directed partially toward his partner, but mostly toward himself.

Because Ron and Ned appeared to be close, I was quiet on the

topic. The conceptualization that I have in retrospect, however, is
that the emotions of envy and covetousness likely prevented Ned,
and will continue to prevent him, from truly enjoying his life as he
ages. He seemed to have no plans regarding what he will do after
Wall Street and very little appreciation for what he is able to
create for himself. All he appeared to see is that he was not good
enough, which inhibits his ability to construct a positive life
scaffold, as a healthy middle-aged man with many resources. He
only saw what Ron had and was unable to jump to the positive
conclusion they could both be happy and successful in different
ways.
In review, individuals in both situations suffered under the
emotions that are negative and life limiting: envy, jealousy, and
covetousness. These emotions can hinder positivity, especially
when they are strong. The competition that these feelings create
can devastate trust, cause paranoia and manifest into unhealthy
decisions. With any relationship, these negative and covetous
expressions can cause irreparable splits and manifest as lack of
trust and respect. If you work on knowing the difference between
envy and frustration, you may understand that your life plans
may change as you age. These changes could be due to a number
of situations for which you have no control, such as illness,
financial issues or emerging older parent responsibilities.
Frustration can be worked with, examined and nullified. When you
find yourself feeling that sense of envy, it is important to ask
yourself the right questions. It may also be helpful to discuss with
a close friend or counselor for support. Ask yourself if there any
successes you have had that you cherish. The satisfaction may be
in a healthy self-examination and honest appraisal of all the good
you have achieved. From that place will come the impetus to alter
your plan, for it is never too late. Hopefully your word and feeling-

frame will change to a positive and life-encouraging sense of

going forward.

The main topic of this article is how what you say out loud and tell
yourself really effects the way you see things and your ultimate
happiness. The researcher wrote this directed more towards older
people because she said that they look at younger people more or
look back on their life choices and envy other peoples. But I
really could see this article appropriate for anyone at any age.
My client felt that her sister was the one who had achieved a
solid life-scaffolding plan while my client had not. This was
compounded by the sense of dread associated with the inner fear
that it is too late in life to change, this quote reminded me of
learned helplessness and I realized the power that negative words
and comments affected you and it became like a domino effect to
keep saying these things. I would pose to challenge the
researcher on this study on younger people and see how much
their own negative words and envy affected them, and not just
the elderly.

Why Some Math Anxiety Might

Actually Be a Good Thing
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-the-nexteinstein/201511/why-some-math-anxiety-might-actually-be-goodthing
We typically think of math anxiety as universally bad for math
learning, but a team of scholars have now discovered that the
relationship between math anxiety and learning is much more
complex. Based on the findings in animal learning and cognitive
psychology, these researchers hypothesized that there might be
an inverted-U relation between math anxiety and math
performance in students more intrinsically motivated in math,
whereas a negative linear relation [would be] observed in those
least motivated.
In their paper just published in Psychological Science(link is
external), Zhe Wang, Sarah Lukowski, Sara Hart, Ian Lyons, Lee
Thompson, Yulia Kovas, Michle Mazzocco, Robert Plomin, and
Stephen Petrill sought to test whether this relationship could be
uncovered in two independent samples. These samples were 262
pairs of same-sex twins from the Western Reserve Reading and
Math Projects and 237 undergraduates from The Ohio State
University.
In both populations, it was found that only in students with high
math motivation did moderate math anxiety increase
performance. But for students with lower math motivation, higher
math anxiety consistently decreased performance. In other words,
math motivation is an important factor to take into account when
considering the relationship between math anxiety and math
learning.

The researchers concluded:

math anxiety may not universally impair the development of
math abilitiesand clinical efforts that simply aim to decrease
math-anxiety levels may not prove effective for all students. The
current findings suggest that moderate levels of math anxiety
seem to be beneficial rather than detrimental to intrinsically
motivated children. Therefore, it may be better for some students
to maintain moderate levels of math anxiety, potentially through
teachers making sure that learning and testing materials are
moderately challenging. A combination of moderate math anxiety
and high intrinsic motivation may help drive students to work
harder in math learning and enjoy the fun in this process at the
same time. These findings support math-education efforts to
identify appropriate challenge levels for students by taking into
account students math-related abilities and affect.
Perhaps just like in sports or other domains, some level of anxiety
may not always be such a bad thing.

The main theme of the article is how a lot of kids have trouble
with math an get frustrated, and sometimes their anxiety can
actually help them in the classroom with math. They figured that
those that really wanted to learn it and were motivated would get
anxiety and therefore perform higher, while those less motivated
wouldnt get as much anxiety and performed poorly. This
reminded of negative punishment because the students
responses would weaken removing a pleasant stimulus, like if
they fail they will get a failing grade, therefore their anxiety would
go up and they would do better because they dont want to fail. I
think that the researcher did a lot more work on the motivation of
the students rather than how much anxiety they had, so I if I were
the researcher I think that I would have focused more on the
levels of anxiety the students got.

The Psychology of Tipping

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culture-shrink/201511/thepsychology-tipping
Tipping remains arguably one of the most anxiety-provoking
practices in America, and one loaded with baggage on either side,
both pro and con. America is one of the few countries left that
fully relies on individual tipping in restaurants and other service
industries, which leads to awkward encounters whenever
Americans go abroad and try to figure out the bill at the end of
the meal. Tipping goes to the heart of the consumer-server
relationship and the nature of that enterprise: should feelings
towards that server be rewarded or punished? Is that fair? Is it
generous or selfish? Is it cruel or more personal? Whose guilt is
being absolved? Who has more power in the relationship?
Interestingly different cultures perceive tipping in vastly different
ways. In Japan, tipping is actually considered insulting, because of
a strong cultural emphasis on personal pride and honor in
performing service duties. To throw money into that equation
would demean a servers work ethic and honesty. In many places
in Europe, tipping in included in bills as service charges, as a fair
labor wage regardless of the servers charm. When I tried asking
about whether tipping was acceptable to a waitress in France, she
looked upset even at the question (and perhaps my rusty French
added to the confusion), and a waitress in Germany also seemed
annoyed, saying in German something to the effect of you tip if
you want to tip, whatever. I was trying to ask in order to prevent
what I viewed as the horrible action of NOT tipping when it was
expected, and yet even the question itself was taken strangely;
the cultural context shifted its meaning from one of concerned
generosity to one of nonsensical mootness.

In America, anti-tipping movements come and go, and a new one

has started up recently led by a few luxury restaurants in
Manhattan. Of course it was a prestigious Japanese one that
kickstarted the trend, Sushi Yasuda, but soon several other
premier restaurant gurus like Danny Meyer and Thomas Keller
copied the idea of a built-in service charge. Some have praised
the practice, saying it guarantees fair wages and a true salary for
notoriously underpaid waiters who otherwise usually dont even
make minimum wage. But others say it means higher taxes and
accountability for waiters who need to live off tips (and can get
away with underreporting cash ones to the IRS) and tight financial
margins, and encouraging weaker service.
Adding to the confusion is the question of whether extra tipping is
forbidden or expected on top of a service charge (an issue I
encountered during a recent trip to the Bahamas, where a 15%
service charge was included in most bills, but I ended up adding
in 3-5% if I found the service satisfactory matching my usual 1820% in the U.S.)

Ultimately, the vast majority of Americans usually say in various

polls that they prefer tipping. The reason is likely because tipping
gives customers a sense of control (and choice and freedom are
emphasized strongly in our individualistic society.) Tipping can
incentivize servers to work harder and improve their service for
higher tips in theory, or punish them if they are awful. Or at least,
this is the sensation tipping gives the American customerthe
sense of empowerment during the fraught class dynamics of the
customer-server interaction. Tipping provides the sense that the
relationship is clean and obvious: its about getting money,
period. For a country still overcoming its history of slavery,
perhaps tipping reduces that cultural guilt, if only slightly.

Yet, various reports and studies say that tipping, if anything,

leaves workers more beholden to unfair labor practices and
wages, and more pressured by customer service performance.
People arent always uniform or fair about how they tip for various
levels of service; some will always be stingy even after receiving
stellar service, and others will be generous uniformly. There have
been notorious websites set up where waiters anonymously
expose celebrities who leave crappy tips (with several repeat
offenders), and others who are remarkably munificent. But
ultimately for the worker, it is still the luck of the draw then.
It remains to be seen whether the new anti-tipping movement will
catch on, and whether ultimately it is the service worker who wins
in this new culture. For now, it is worth taking a good hard look at
your motivations for tippingand to see if you are really helping
someone as much as you think you are, when you participate in
our American tipping culture.

This article was about tipping in America and whether or not we

should do it or if the tip should just be automatically included in
your bill at restaraunts. The author fights that it could be unfair
that someones work could be based off of how you like a person.
I thought that they were right, and maybe you were just having a
bad day and didnt feel like tipping them because you were in a
bad mood. You could be with a group of friends and if someone
comments how bad the waiter was, itll make you think that too,
like we learned about conformity. The author talks about how in
other countries tipping is considered rude, and I never thought of
it like that before because here in America if you dont, you are
considered rude. It says that the tipper feels more in control when
they are tipping and it made me think of the Stanford Prison
Experiment and how if they didnt obey their commands, they
punished them, which in this case would be not tipping the
waitress. I think that the researcher could have furthered their
study by asking waiters if they would rather be tipped or tips be
included in the bills.

Self Awareness
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sideways-view/201511/self-awareness

Self-Awareness is defined as the accurate appraisal and

understanding of your abilities and preferences and their
implications for your behaviour and their impact on others. Its
reality-testing; a calibration against the facts of life.
Self-awareness is partly knowledge about the self: strengths and
weaknesses, vulnerabilities and passions, idiosyncrasies and
normalness. It can be derived in many ways from many sources.
Sometimes self-insight comes from a sudden epiphany in the
classroom or on the couch. It can even occur at a work appraisal.
It comes out of both experienced and unexpected success and
failure. What others say and by receiving feedback from a
personality test.
There is, of course, a pathological form of self-awareness. This is
manifest in the hyper vigilant, counselling-addicted, self-obsessed
individuals who are interested in nothing but themselves. It is a
phase most adolescents pass through. But some become stuck.
Its deeply unattractive and quite counter-productive. Some call it
sub-clinical narcissism.
It can take years to find out who you (really) are, where you
belong (in the family, organisation, community), knowing what
you can best contribute to others. Some people are lucky: they
are given opportunities to test their skills and see their impact.
They become more aware of their potential and how they
naturally behave in specific situations.
Are you good in a crisis, or do you provoke them?
Do you have a good ear for languages?
Are you (really) emotionally intelligent?
Why do certain types of people clearly not like you?

Are you a natural at negotiation and sales?

Are you aware of what stresses you and what your fundamental
values are?
Are you self-conscious in the sense that you really have selfunderstanding?
Three things help: first self-testing, exploration and try-outs. Try
new tasks and situations. Adolescents are famous for saying they
dont like something that they have never tried. People make
discoveries late in life often through chance discoveries.
Dont wait -you might have hidden talents at something. And
then again you might not. And this leads to the second feature,
self-acceptance. This is neither the over nor under estimation of
your talents. We are not all intelligent, creative, insightful. Its as
sad to see people ignoring or underplaying their strengths as their
weaknesses.
Third, seeking out feedback from others. A good friend, boss,
teacher tells it like it is. They help to clarify crucial questions:
what is really important to me? Who is the authentic me?
People who are comfortable in their own skin might, in some
business settings, seem too calm, laid back and unadventurous.
You see this quality in some clinicians, some religious people and
some writers. They make fine advisers.
To be really self-aware is to be more resilient, more realistic and
for others more predictable. The narcissist who vainly seeks evermore reassurance from others is unappealing (and probably
unhappy) as the depressive who only sees personal faults.
For the Freudians the goal of all therapy is self-awareness. To
understand the murky unconsciousness, the real self, the inner
child. That can also be the source of self-obsession: which is the
darker side of the quest for self-consciousness.
Many people know about the famous JOHARI window with its 2 x 2
dimensions: what I see in me; what I do not see in me; what you
see in me; what you do not see in me. This yields four boxes

The four boxes are labelled thus: #

The Open Self which is common knowledge. This involves things
like interests, ambitions, abilities both I and others who know me,
know. The open self is the what-you-see-is-what-you-get part.
Then there is the Hidden Self which is the little box of secrets:
things I know about me that others do not. This may contain
stories of past events, odd beliefs and desires or socially
unacceptable attitudes and beliefs. Things I know about myself
that I have not disclosed come in various guises. There may be
things I am ashamed about; or things that I really dont think
important or things simply best forgotten. They are the gold mine
of the biographer, psychotherapist and interviewer.
The third box is labelled Blind Self which is about things other
people know about, see in, are sure of, me but which they have
not told me. That is, I am blind to these supposed facts or at least
reputation. Thus some people harbour odd beliefs about their
appearance or abilities that are simply untrueat least from an
observers perspective. Thus people may genuinely think that
they have a sense of humour which they clearly do not. Equally
they may think they are pretty unattractive when the very
opposite is true. People are simply blind to the truth.
The fourth box is the Unknown self things neither I nor others
know about me. Buried, repressed or long forgotten thoughts or
even areas of potential. Perhaps they can be mined by therapists
interested in, and supposedly able to, drag things from the murky
unconscious into the bright light of day.

This article was about self-awareness and how some people get
addicted in this state and only care for themselves, while others
grow out of it. It made me think that they were going to talk about
sociopaths like we talked about, but it talks about the 4
dimensions of self-awareness which are what you see in yourself,
what you do not see in yourself, what others see in you, and what
others do not see in you. These 4 dimensions are labeled open
self, hidden self, blind self, and unknown self. The author talked
about how many people dont know who they truly are, but other
people see some things in you that you dont see yourself. He
didnt really do a study on it, and I think he should have had
strangers meet and see any conceived ideas that they pick up in
the person and if the person themselves saw that before.