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Listening
Good listening has an enormous quality of nowness. Helpful
listening is a form of meditation.
David Brandon
Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the
problem.
Winnie the Pooh
Make effective use of body language and speech. Be
sensitive to the other person's body language as well as
what they say: eye contact, gestures, appropriate humour
and analogies.
Use appropriate body language yourself: face the
person with an open, attentive posture and maintain good
eye contact (look at the speaker a lot, but don't stare all
the time), smiling and nod your head from time to time.
Commercial
Awareness
67%
Communication
Skills
64%
3 Leadership
4
33%
Ability to work in a
33%
team
5 Problem solving
32%
Subject Knowledge
19%
& competence
Foreign
languages
19%
9 Numeracy
19%
Good general
Poor listening makes
10
15%
education
assumptions, creates
Source: Association of Graduate
resistance and hostility,
Recruiters Skills for Graduates
demotivates the speaker,
inhibits their development and in the 21st
Century www.agr.org.uk
creates dependence on the
listener.
EXAMPLES
Closed Questions
EXAMPLES
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A statistically
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(University of
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Giving feedback
Feedback has also been called constructive criticism.
Only give feedback if the gain will exceed the pain:
only use it for important things.
Praise more than you criticise! Identifying and
developing strengths is more effective than focusing too
much on negatives.
Constructive criticism which shows the person how they
can improve. Not "Debbie was hopeless!", but "Debbie made
some very useful contributions but her voice was a bit quiet.
I couldn't hear her very well, so she needs to raise her voice
a bit in future."
Giving Praise
Tell people something they have done that you like or
what you like about them.
Give them thanks if they have done something for you.
Even a simple thank you can make a big difference.
Give encouragement. If someone is not sure that they are
able to do something, give them encouragement if you think
they can do it.
Describe positive behaviour and it's effect inconcrete
terms "I really appreciate how you took the time to ...."
Respond to praise by thanking the person.
Helpful feedback
Unhelpful feedback
Is vague and
abstract. It makes the
person angry
because the person is
not told how they can
change things.
Just blames or
praises rather than being
specific
Apologising.
Being able to say sorry if you have done something wrong, but in
an assertive rather than a passive way.
Researchers at the
University of Arizona &
Washington
Universitytracked
conversations of 79
Good conversations
students. They assessed
how many conversations
Should be two way with both
were trivial and how
parties equally involved and
many substantive, based
interested. It is a shared
on whether the
experience. It is a partnership
information exchanged
like a dance: you respond to
each other's movements and are was banal: Hot today
isn't it? or more serious:
both winners.
I'm really worried about
her relationship with
Build them around respect:
him ....
treat other people the way you
want to be treated yourself. The
The happiest subjects
atmosphere should feel
spent 70% longer talking
comfortable: like plants,
conversations need good ground than the unhappiest
ones, which suggests
to take root and flourish.
that the mere time a
Talk about mainly positive
person spends in the
presence of others is a
things. People who talk about
good news tend to cheer people good predictor of the
persons level of
up whereas people who always
talk in negatives tend to depress happiness. The happiest
participants also had
the people they are talking to!
twice as many
Obviously there must be a
balance, as sometimes we must substantive
conversations and only a
talk about unhappy events, but
make sure you don't do this too third as much small talk
much. You wion't go far wrong if as those who were least
content.
you use the old adage: "If you
don't have anything nice to say,
The authors suggest that
don't say anything at all!"
adding five substantive
conversations to your
There should be a willingness
to be open on both sides. Each weekly social calendar
could boost your spirits
person has the opportunity to
dramatically.Just as
express their point of view and
self-disclosure can instill
feelings. Relationships develop
through conversations where we a sense of intimacy in a
open up and exchange details to relationship, deep
conversations may instill
create closeness.
a sense of meaning in
the interaction partners.
The fundamentals of
conversation haven't
changed much in 200
years. Even then there
was a progression from
small talk to more
serious topics:
"The hindrance thrown in
the way of a very speedy
intimacy .... prevented
their doing more than
going through the first
rudiments of an
acquaintance, by
informing themselves
how well the other liked
Bath, how much she
admired its buildings and
surrounding country,
whether she drew, or
played, or sang, and
whether she was fond of
riding on horseback."
Northanger Abbey by
Jane Austen