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DUTIES OF THE HUSBAND AND THE WIFE TOWARDS

GOD AND THEIR MARRIAGE ACCORDING TO THE


BIBLE
Lecture delivered by Bro Ayobami Ogunjimi at Church of Christ Oke-Onitii,
Osogbo.

INTRODUCTION
I received an invitation to a wedding ceremony a while back and
the toast was I do my thing and you do your thing This
exemplifies the direct opposite of what a Christian marriage
should be like because they have stated from the onset that they
have no duties towards one another and also towards God.
The importance and value of allowing God into ones marriage
cannot be over-emphasized. For any marriage to last, God has to
be an integral part of it (Gen. 2:18, 23-24). A marriage must be
hinged on Godly values for it to work out well (Prov. 1:7). Eccl.
4:12b says that Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord
cannot be easily broken. This is in line with the Yoruba adage
which says Aro meta kii dobe nu. Every marriage and every
home should be one involving three major parties and not just
two. The parties can be seen as shown below:
GOD
CHILD(REN)

HUSBAND

WIFE

If children are now born into a home like this, they will be coming
into a home that is bound by a triple-braided cord which cannot
be easily broken.
Marriage is God-ordained and it is holy and pure. The Bible says
that God created us both male and female to serve Him. Our
attitude in marriage should allow a spiritual service to the Creator.
The husband and the wife are expected to be transformed by the
renewing of their minds i.e. they are to be spiritually formed to
Gods shape. The two of them are given duties to perform and
each of them will be asked to give account of their stewardship to
God (Rom. 14:12; II Cor. 5:10). If we shall give account someday,
then it is imperative to know what we are to do while we still have

the chance and this leads us to the duties of the husband and the
wife towards God and their marriage.
It is split into three major parts:
Duties of both the husband and the wife
Duties of the Husband
Duties of the Wife
DUTIES OF BOTH THE HUSBAND AND THE WIFE
The first on the list is their spiritual service to God. This is
paramount because if the familys spiritual health is bad, it
naturally affects other areas and little or no progress will be made
in those areas.
The husband and the wife should be united in spiritual matters
(Amos 3:3). It is true that each person has to work out his own
salvation but it would also help if they can assist one another in
the heavenly race. Why is this so important? It is because
problems set in when one person is more committed than the
other. One person might believe that the family needs to fast over
an issue and the other may think otherwise. One person may
believe that the family needs to say morning and evening prayers
together while the other may deem it unnecessary. So, it is not
good enough for either the husband or the wife to go to church
and leave the other person behind. It is not good enough for you
to attend weekly activities and your spouse doesnt. This is
because, at the end of the day, if you grow spiritually and your
spouse doesnt, its going to bounce back at you.
Another thing that is essential for couples to do to make
their marriage work is to flush out worldly idiosyncrasies.
One has to know that because the world does something does not
make it right. We live in a world full of different kinds of people
with different kinds of beliefs and it is impossible for us to block
our eyes and ears to these things. If you really want to make your
marriage work, you have to overlook what people say. You have to
flush out some of the ideas that are rampant in the world. For
example, some people in the world believe there is nothing wrong
if the husband beats the wife. Some others believe as well that it
is not too bad for the couple to engage in physical combat. If a
Christian couple does not flush out these idiosyncrasies, then
their marriage will come crashing in no time (II Cor. 6:14).

The third duty of both the husband and the wife is to love
and care for one another. This is key if the husband and the
wife want to enjoy each other. Eccl 9:9 says Enjoy life with your
wife, whom you love There can be no true enjoyment if there is
no love between the two and this love should not be by profession
but by actions. Ask yourself this question What are the things
that I do to my spouse that make it evident that I love him or
her? The Scripture instructs us to clothe ourselves with love
following the example of Christ (Eph. 5:2; Col.3:14; I Tim. 6:11; I
John 4:16).
The couple should not give the devil a foothold. Eph. 4:27
says that anger gives a foothold to the devil. Neither the husband
nor the wife should be quick to anger. In any marriage, there will
definitely be quarrels and disagreements, but as Eph. 4:26 says,
the couple should not allow the sun to go down while they are still
angry. There is no point in quarreling for long periods when they
both know that they will still settle. It only reduces the time they
will enjoy together. So when there is disagreement, they should
both take it upon themselves to settle it on time. Luke 11:17 says
that a house divided against itself will fall.
The fifth point on the duties of both parties is to teach and
train their children in the Lord. There is nothing that gives
parents more joy than to see their young ones doing well. How
can this be made possible? It is by nurturing them in the Lord
(Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4b). The husband should not see it as the
wifes duty, neither should the wife see it as the husbands duty.
They are both saddled with the responsibility of training their
children. When the child does wrong, they should unite to correct
their children. One party should not side with the child. The
parents should give the children both spiritual and secular
education. This should be a priority for every parent because the
children will carry on the parents legacy.
Another duty of parents is to love their children. Some
might think that this point is unnecessary, that every parent
naturally loves their children, but one thing is to say you love
someone, showing that love is another.
The husband and the wife should be good examples for
their children. It is not enough for parent to teach children with
their mouths, it is also necessary for them to model it from their
lives. You should not instruct your child to do something that is

not exemplified in your life and that of your spouse. If you want to
teach your children to fear the Lord, they must see that you fear
Him. And how will they see it? It is by your attitude towards the
things of God. If you teach your children not to lie, then you must
not tell someone on phone that you are not at home when you
are.
The final point on the duties of the husband and the wife
is that they must not make the marriage bureaucratic. The
marriage becomes bureaucratic when it becomes too rigid like an
administrative system. When one person believes that a duty is
for the other person and he can by no means do it, the marriage
becomes bureaucratic. When love is lost, the marriage becomes
bureaucratic. The husband should not think that because it is the
wifes duty to cook for the family, it would be out of place for him
to cook or assist in the cooking. The wife as well should not sit
back and relax in terms of finance for the home because it is the
husbands duty to provide for the family. Both parties should
always be willing to help each other. You should always bear in
mind that the fact that you are one has made your spouses
responsibility yours.
DUTIES OF THE HUSBAND
As there are some responsibilities that are for both the husband
and the wife, there are also some others that are for just one
person alone. We shall now discuss those duties that are for the
husband alone.
The first duty of the husband is leadership. The husband has
the responsibility to lead in all the affairs of the home i.e. both
spiritually and physically. This point is not one that is up for
debate. It is stated clearly in the Scriptures that the husband is
the head of the home just as Christ is the head of the church
(Eph. 5:23-24; I Cor. 11:3; Eph. 6:1-3). We discussed earlier about
the duties of both the husband and the wife. It is now the duty of
the husband to lead in fulfilling all these duties earlier discussed.
This leadership is not just about issuing decrees in the home,
rather, it is about directing the household in a manner worthy of
the Lord (Gen. 18:19). The husband should also be the one to lead
in prayers (I Tim. 2:8). The husbands leadership is servant-hood
leadership. It is leadership by example (John 13:5-7, 12-15). The
husband must be disciplined himself so as to provide leadership in

discipline (Prov. 23:13-14). At the same time, he must not provoke


his children to wrath (Eph. 6:4)
Another duty of the husband is to provide for the home.
This often brings controversy as some are of the opinion that it is
the duty of both the husband and the wife. Adequate study of the
Scriptures reveals that primarily, it is the duty of the husband to
provide for the home. In Genesis 3, God cursed the man that by
the sweat of his brow, he would have food to eat and to the
woman, he reined no such curse. Throughout the Scriptures, the
usual trend is for the husband to provide for the home. However,
it wouldnt also be out of place for the wife to assist in fulfilling
this responsibility. Prov. 31 tells us that a virtuous woman brings
her food from afar i.e. she provides for the family. This is in line
with the earlier point discussed about bureaucracy in the family. If
the family is not bureaucratic, then the wife would gladly help to
ease the burden. So, both the husband and the wife should unite
to cater for the needs of their God-given home (I Tim. 5:8).
Husbands are also required to treat their wives with
respect. I Pet. 3:7 says Husbands, in the same way be
considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with
respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the
gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. This
is not common in our society as our society is not one that has
high regard for women. However, the Christian husband who
wants nothing to hinder his prayers must learn to treat his woman
with respect and be considerate when dealing with her. You and
your wife cannot return to the house at the same time and you
expect her to produce food immediately BE CONSIDERATE. You
should not talk to your wife anyhow in the presence of someone
else and even when you are alone with her. Remember, she is
your partner and not your maid.
DUTIES OF THE WIFE
The first is that the wife submit to her husband. Just as the
husband is required to lead in the home, the wife is required to
submit to that leadership. As long as the husband leads in a
manner worthy of the Lord, the wife is expected to submit to him.
Eph. 5:22 says Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
We live in a society that preaches gender equality and although
the concept of gender equality isnt wrong in itself, people take it

too far at times and it tends to displace male leadership. This is


contrary to the will of God. God decreed in the garden that the
husband will rule over the wife (Gen. 3:16). The wife must be
supportive of the good decisions that her husband takes (I
Pet.3:1). She should also support in prayers. Wives are required to
respect their husbands (Est. 1:20)
Another duty of the wife is to be a home maker. Encarta
Dictionaries define a homemaker as someone who manages a
household, especially his or her own home, as a primary job.
Every wife must know that her primary responsibility is in her
home. Prov. 31:27 says She watches over the affairs of her
household and does not eat the bread of idleness. It is not wrong
if she does something else outside that but that thing should
never take the place of her home neither should it come before
her home. The woman should be a homemaker both spiritually
and physically (I Tim. 5:14; Tit. 2:5). Prov. 31:14-22 tells us in
detail how a virtuous woman should serve in being a home maker.
The Bible is full of examples of women who were helpers to their
husbands: Sarah (Gen. 18:6; I Pet. 3:6), Priscilla (Acts 18:2, 20;
Rom. 16:3; II Tim. 4:19; I Cor. 16:19)
The Christian wife is also expected to be someone worthy
of respect. We have been told that every husband should treat
his wife with respect. If the husband is to treat the wife with
respect, then the wife is also expected to be someone who is
worthy of that respect. She should not be a malicious talker but
temperate and trustworthy in everything (I Tim. 3:11). It is often
said that respect is earned. How does a Christian wife earn this
respect? It is by her way of life. This encompasses her mode of
dressing, her devotion to God, her hospitality et cetera.

CONCLUSION
Every husband or wife must realize that it is impossible for you to
make heaven when you have failed in your marriage (James 2:1013). That is why the onus is on us to strive earnestly to make our
marriage to be one that brings joy and that is also worthy of
imitation. James 4:7-10 says Submit yourselves, then to God.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you The devil will
definitely come with his schemes, but the family will overcome
when they stand together against him.
The family should not underestimate the power of prayer in
achieving a God-centered home. Honesty and perseverance are
also needed (II Pet. 1:6 8). The road may seem rough at first but
if each person understands that his or her service is to God and
not man, then it becomes easier and the marriage becomes
enjoyable.
Thanks and God bless

Bro Ayobami Ogunjimi preaches at Church of Christ Owode


Ota, Ogun State.
Email: ayobamiogunjimi@gmail.com
ayobamiogunjimi@yahoo.com
Phone Numbers: 08033321989, 08178573894.

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