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Tonight, I eat a cabbage,
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James throws a bird out of a car
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and Richard forgets
the abbreviation for America.
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USB.
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CHEERING
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Hello, everybody! Good evening.
Thank you so much.
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Thank you, everybody. Now,
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I want to start by talking
about Denmark because, you see,
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over the years, this tiny little
country has contributed
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so much to the
betterment of mankind.
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It's given us interesting furniture,
stylish hi-fi,
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amusing children's toys
and, of course, this.
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Danish bacon, Danish butter,
wrapped in bread,

14
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to create the only known cure
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for vegetarianism.
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LAUGHTER
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Denmark, however,
has never made a car...until now.
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Because Denmark has
more windmills per head
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than any other country on Earth
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and because Copenhagen
is a cyclist's paradise,
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you know exactly what
sort of car it's going to be.
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Yeah, well, it isn't.
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I was also expecting Hans Christian
Andersen with windscreen wipers
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or The Little Mermaid
with door handles, but no.
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What we've got instead is this.
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A 1,086 horsepower orange monster!
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It's called the Zenvo ST1

and it is extremely fast.
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It's got a 6.8 litre V8...
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..which is supercharged
AND turbocharged.
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And that's like smearing
a habanero chilli with wasabi
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and then garnishing it
with dynamite.
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The net result is
a speedometer that can't keep up.
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It's just a blur.
138, 150, 170-something...
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My God! No, no idea!
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Apparently, however, flat out,
it will do 233mph.
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You know those Scandinavian
crime dramas,
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lots of quietly thoughtful people in
jumpers looking out of the window?
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This is nothing like that.
Nothing at all.
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So, it is very definitely
a supercar.

40
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And that's a problem
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because who's going to say,
"No, I don't want a Ferrari
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"or a Lamborghini
or a Pagani or a Bugatti
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"or a Porsche or an Audi R8
or a McLaren or an Aston Martin
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"I would rather spend my money
on something totally unproven,
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"preferably from a company
I've never heard of?"
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I mean, why would you do that?
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It's not like the engine is
made from the tears of an angel
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by the gods of science
and precision.
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What's more,
it has conventional suspension
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and a heavy, steel chassis.
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However, because it's
a bit last-week, you can
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have some old-fashioned

fun in the corners.
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Oh-ho-ho!
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'But you can also have an accident.'
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Part of the problem is that
if you engage sport or race mode,
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the traction control is disengaged.
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Now, this, according to
the - oops - chief engineer,
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makes it pretty much undrivable
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He's right.
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He is right.
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There were also some issues
with quality.
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The lights filled with condensation,
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the rear brakes didn't seem to be
working properly,
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then the clutch went.
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So the car had to go
back to Denmark.

66
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After a couple of weeks,
however, it was mended,
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so the Zenvo came back.
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But almost immediately...
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a cooling fan went wrong.
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Fire, fire, fire! Copy that.
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So the car became even more orange.
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And that was the end of that.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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That didn't do very well.
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How much is this thing?
How much? Mm.
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?800,000. 800?!
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LAUGHTER
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Yes. Are there any upsides to it?
Er, upsides, yes.
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The fire did get rid of
the condensation in the lights.

80
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LAUGHTER
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Apart from the fire?
Apart from the fire...
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Yes, it's surprisingly comfortable
and very quiet.
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Well, it would be quiet.
It was broken.
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Yes, but amazingly, they have
mended it again and it's back again.
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And now we can find out how fast
it does a lap of our track,
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or rather IF it can do
a lap of our track.
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That, of course, means handing it
over to our tame racing driver
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Some say that this week
he is wearing two layers of Nomex.
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SLOW-BUILDING LAUGHTER
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And that on a recent trip
to Cornwall,
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he stopped off for one of his
special big wees in Somerset.
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LAUGHTER
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All we know is he's called The Stig!
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CHEERING
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And he's off!
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Cautious start because
it is soaking out there today.
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Be beautiful, though, if it catches
fire. Right, first corner.
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Will it try to bite him?
Nothing so far.
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Oh, no, wait, there is
a bit of a nibble at the end.
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DISCORDANT, DIRGE-LIKE
SINGING ON STEREO
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Absolutely no idea what
The Stig is listening to.
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I do know, however, he is in full
race mode. No traction control
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He is being cautious, though.
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Right, through the Hammerhead.
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Oh, no, it's stepped out again,

but he has managed to hold it.

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God, that is very good driving!
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DISCORDANT, DIRGE-LIKE
SINGING ON STEREO
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Right, is he going to lift?
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Oh, yes, he is going to lift
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because that thing is as racy
as the Danish Prime Minister.
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Through the tyres.
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Only two corners left.
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You can actually see it squirming on
the lake where our track used to be.
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Only Gambon left before he can have
a lie down. Is he going to make it?
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Is IT going to make it?
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Yes, it has!
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CHEERING
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Now...
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I have the time here.

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Remember, it is an ?800,000
1,000 horsepower car, so here we go.
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AUDIENCE: Ohhh...
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No, it's a bit lower. Really?
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AUDIENCE: Ohhh...
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Oh-ho!
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There you go, it's 1.29.9,
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slower than a Ford Focus.
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LAUGHTER
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No, no, hang on a minute.
I'm sorry. Hang on a minute.
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Let's be fair about it. We need to
look at another time for a wet lap.
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There you go. It's slower than
a German saloon car. It is!
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You know this is Danish and it s
orange and it's genetically flawed?
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I'm surprised they haven't
called The Giraffe...

133
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LAUGHTER
..and shot it.
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GROANS AND LAUGHTER
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He said that out loud,
didn't he? He did.
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He said it out loud.
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Never mind,
let's move on with the news
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00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000
and, well,
my big news this week, certainly
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is I spent last weekend
driving the new Porsche 980.
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Oh, you did! It'll be on the show
later in the series. There it is.
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00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,000
Come on, quick, quick, now,
sneak preview. What is it like?
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Well, Jennifer...
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LAUGHTER
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00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,000
Funny(!)
145
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,000
Yeah, if you were watching last week,
Jeremy did say on the show,

146
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000
on TV, that if the Porsche
was faster than the McLaren,
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00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,000
he would change his name to Jennifer.
Yes.
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Didn't you, Jennifer? Well, it won't
be. See, I think it might just be.
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Honestly, it... It's staggering
Really.
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00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,000
It doesn't accelerate
like most other cars.
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00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,000
You are not conscious of it
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00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000
gaining speed through the gear
as the revs rise.
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00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,000
It doesn't go, "Ohhh-aaahhh!"
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00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,000
It just goes straight to, "Aaaaargh!"
155
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,000
But, Hammond... What?
156
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,000
..the McLaren has more power
than the Porsche
157
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,000
and is lighter than the Porsche
I know.
158
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:12,000
But listen, Jennifer,
the Porsche has four-wheel-drive

159
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000
and four-wheel steer
and on our track...
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It will lose.
161
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,000
Listen, I'm sure the Luftwaffe
were very proud
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00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,000
and pleased with
the Messerschmitt Me 109.
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That was a damn good aeroplane.
Yes, but it wasn't...
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00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000
It wasn't as good as the Spitfire!
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00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000
No, you could do negative G
in the Messerschmitt 109.
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00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:35,000
May, you are as bad as he is!
That is going to be humiliated.
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We are going to win. When I say we,
Britain is going to...
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I'm all for patriotism,
that's great,
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but you've just got to face facts.
The thing is astonishing.
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It's about how it manages those three
engines... Shut up about it!
171

00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000

LAUGHTER
I'm with you about
the British thing,
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but I sort of hope
the Porsche wins, JENNIFER.
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LAUGHTER
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00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,000
The news has been
filled with a lot of scenes
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of flood victims
all waving their arms around
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and going, "Oh, no,
what are we going to do?"
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End of the world really.
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I mean, it certainly makes me
very sad because the answer,
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as we all know, is simple.
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You buy a Ford transit van,
cut a big hole in the floor,
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00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,000
take the back doors off, couple
of engines in it, fans, skirts,
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00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,000
put it in the water, it sinks.
That's true.
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00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000
You get another transit van,

more powerful engines,

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00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,000
totally redesigned. Here we go.
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LAUGHTER
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And it works perfectly.
That IS the solution.
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We predicted these floods six months
ago and came up with the solution.
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00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,000
But what is really annoying
is that everybody
189
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,000
is blaming the floods on David
Cameron, the Environment Agency
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00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000
pretty much anything you can name...
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00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,000
Mm-mm, I know exactly
who is to blame
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00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000
for this problem
everybody is having.
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00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000
Miranda Hart.
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00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,000
LAUGHTER
195
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,000
You laugh, but here's the thing
196
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,000
We are sitting here
now on a Sunday evening.

197
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,000
Eight, nine million people
in Britain have chosen to watch
198
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,000
some 1950s midwifery
on the other side,
199
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000
so they don't know
about the hover-van.
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00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,000
That is the problem.
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00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:06,000
They have chosen Miranda over us
and our show is
202
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,000
rammed full of helpful hints and
useful consumer advice. Every week!
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00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,000
LAUGHTER
204
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,000
Now, hey, listen, how long has
the Gallardo been in production
205
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,000
17,000 years? Just over? Just over.
206
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,000
I know there are cave drawings of
it in the Pyrenees. There are.
207
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,000
Well, Lamborghini has announced
they are stopping making it
208
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,000
and are going to replace it with
this. It's called the Huracan.
209
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,000

600 horsepower, 5.2 litre V10,

four-wheel-drive.
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None of that is interesting
211
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,000
because if you're interested in
speed and power and handling,
212
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,000
you're going to buy a Ferrari 4 8
or a McLaren 12C, aren't you?
213
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,000
The only reason you want to buy a
Lamborghini is because it looks mad.
214
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,000
And that's very nice, but I don t
think it's bonkers enough.
215
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000
I know what you mean.
It looks nice, but...
216
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,000
Yeah, it needs to be outrageous
It does.
217
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,000
Nobody should be allowed
to design a Lamborghini
218
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,000
unless they've just consumed
two bottles of absinthe.
219
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000
LAUGHTER
Now you're ready!
220
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000
The essence of it is,
221
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,000
it doesn't really matter
how a Lamborghini drives

222
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,000
because a Lamborghini
is for prowling around the city
223
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,000
Ferraris are for doing
a 2.35 around Silverstone.
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00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,000
Lamborghinis are for doing
Knightsbridge at 2.35am.
225
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,000
Yes, yes.
LAUGHTER
226
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,000
Now, there's a new type of gas
which is worrying the government.
227
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000
Is it cyanide? No.
Is it carbon dioxide?
228
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000
No, it used to be carbon dioxide.
Now the days where...
229
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,000
I can hardly bring myself
to say this.
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00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,000
They are very worried
about a terrifying new combination
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00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,000
of nitrogen and oxygen.
What, you mean air? Yes.
232
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,000
99% of the air that we breathe
is nitrogen and oxygen,
233
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000
but the government has got
his knickers in a twist about it,

234
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,000
specifically about nitrogen dioxide
and I've done some checking.
235
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000
Bear with me on this.
236
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,000
It mostly comes from
soil or stoves
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00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:50,000
or particularly from lorries
in stop-start city driving, OK?
238
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,000
So the government has decided to
address the problem
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00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:59,000
by limiting cars to 60mph on the M1
just outside Sheffield.
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00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,000
That's their solution.
But that's got nothing to do with it!
241
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000
Isn't that like saying,
"I've got toothache,
242
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
"I think I'll go and have
a hair cut. That will sort it."
243
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,000
"Doctor, I've twisted my ankle.
"You must put on a bomber jacket "
244
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,000
The thing is, they actually say
"Well, it's as European law,
245
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000
"so we have to lower
the speed limit."

246
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,000
Germans aren't, French aren't,
Italians aren't, only we are.
247
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,000
And I know exactly
what's happened here.
248
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,000
You've got some guy
in the government, you know...
249
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000
LAUGHTER
250
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000
You know the type. Oh, yes, right.
251
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,000
OK, now, he has the power
to lower the speed limit
252
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,000
and stop parents eating sandwiches
in cars if kids are present,
253
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,000
but what he needs to do is take
a leaf out of the Queen's book.
254
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,000
What, marry a Greek? No!
LAUGHTER
255
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,000
The Queen has
the constitutional power
256
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000
to declare war on another country,
257
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000
but she never does.
258
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000
Even after a big party
where she's a bit...

259
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000
and all her mates
are egging her on.
260
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,000
"Go on, Liz! Declare war on
someone!" Can she really do that?
261
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,000
Yes, she can do that, but she
doesn't. "Hello is that Mr Hollande?
262
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,000
"This is the Queen. WE ARE AT WAR!"
I'd do that every week!
263
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,000
She could do that. I'd be
constant... I'd do it every...
264
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000
"Oh, God, what have I done?"
265
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000
Yeah, I would love to be
a drunk Queen!
266
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,000
LAUGHTER
267
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000
I didn't mean...
268
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,000
Shall we move it on? Yes. Yes.
269
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:16,000
Every week, we receive thousands
of letters from people that say
270
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,000
"Dear Top so-called Gear,
why do you never test the sort of
271
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,000
"affordable cars that normal

people are likely to buy and drive?"

272
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:28,000
Well, the truth is, we would love
to. But the producers won't let us.
273
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:32,000
It's frustrating,
because contrary to public opinion,
274
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,000
we really do like small,
sensible little cars.
275
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,000
I mean, he has a Fiat Panda.
I have a Fiat 500.
276
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,000
Yeah, and I have a very small
AMG Mercedes.
277
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000
LAUGHTER
278
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000
Very small indeed.
279
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,000
We like the way that small cars
are easy to park and cheap to run,
280
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000
but, most of all,
we like the way that a lot of them
281
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
are very good fun to drive.
282
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000
But the producers say they aren t,
they say they're boring.
283
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,000
And to prove their point,
they came up with a challenge.
284

00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:04,000

Yes, they told us to choose three
one-litre, three-cylinder,
285
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:10,000
little city cars and report
with them to the Crimean peninsula.
286
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,000
So, here it is,
at the bottom end of Ukraine,
287
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,000
jutting out into the Black Sea.
288
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:27,000
The Crimean peninsula, 10,000 square
miles of history, beetroot
289
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,000
and girls who leave the West behind.
290
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,000
And this is where we were to meet,
the city of Yalta.
291
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,000
Outside the very building
where Churchill, Stalin
292
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,000
and Roosevelt met to carve up Europe
after Hitler's defeat.
293
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,000
Hammond was the first to arrive
294
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,000
I have brought,
as you can see, a Fiesta.
295
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:55,000
Which is a very, very good
small car in any case,
296
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000
but in this instance,
particularly good,

297
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,000
because this one is fitted with
an absolute jewel of an engine.
298
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,000
It's a tiny, one-litre,
three-cylinder EcoBoost,
299
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,000
and when I say tiny,
I mean REALLY tiny.
300
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:11,000
The block of that engine
would fit on an A4 piece of paper.
301
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,000
And it's magnificent.
Right, who's that?
302
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,000
Oh, it's the orang-utan. Here we go.
303
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,000
Congratulations. What, why?
304
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,000
Because that is unquestionably
the best one-litre little car
305
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:32,000
of them all. No doubt about it.
The engine in this... Yeah.
306
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:37,000
It is phenomenal. 125 horsepower,
from one litre. I know!
307
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
And 65 miles to the gallon.
Honestly...
308
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000
Why are you saying these things
and why, then, are you not in one?
309

00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,000

Why are you in that VW? It's the Up!
310
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,000
Well, I brought this because
I like it. Hang on, you've just ..
311
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:55,000
No, I like it. This is brilliant.
But I like this.
312
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000
Let me put it to you this way.
313
00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,000
You can buy better dogs
than my West Highland terrier,
314
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,000
but I LIKE my West Highland terrier.
315
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000
Yes, it bites the postman
and it lays dog eggs all over
316
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,000
the kitchen and it steals food
but it's brilliant! And it goes ..
317
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000
If this had ears,
it would go like that...
318
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:15,000
'Sadly, at this point,
my dog impersonation was
319
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,000
'interrupted by the arrival
of Captain Interesting.'
320
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,000
That's the most boring looking car
I've... What is it? I'm nodding off!
321
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:29,000
Good news! What? It's
a Dacia Sandero. Is it? Yes.

322
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,000
Anyway, we were just
saying before you got here,
323
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,000
this is just an epic little car
324
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,000
It's quite expensive, though,
isn't it? How much is it? 17,50 .
325
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000
?17,500? Yup.
And how much is yours? 7,500.
326
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,000
That's a big price gulf,
Hammond. It is...
327
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,000
I can afford to lose this
and just go and buy another one
328
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:52,000
and I'm still better off than you.
Look at it! It's... It looks great.
329
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:56,000
It's anti-fashion, it's a car for
people with more sense than money.
330
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,000
It works, it's cheap. Wow,
how have they done it so cheaply ?)
331
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,000
You can't work it out, can you?
There is no obvious...
It's amazing(!)
332
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000
That steering wheel,
what a quality item(!)
333
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,000
That's exactly the same as yours! It
isn't the same! It's the same SHAPE.

334
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,000
And correct me if I'm wrong,
it was a Renault Clio 30 years ago.
335
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000
Not 30 years ago.
336
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:18,000
It's BASED on the underpinnings and
mechanicals of the old Renault Clio.
337
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,000
An old car. Basically, I've brought
an iPod to a gramophone convention.
338
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,000
Utter rubbish! Look at it!
339
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,000
'Our argument was then interrupted
by the arrival of a challenge.
340
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,000
They still don't believe that
we like small cars. But we do!
341
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,000
I love my Fiesta. Right.
342
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,000
"Between Yalta and Sevastopol,
there is an excellent coast road,
343
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:43,000
"which you would enjoy very much
in a normal car.
344
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,000
"But you will not be able
to enjoy it
345
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,000
"in your miserable little
shopping carts"?!
346
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,000

Hello!
347
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,000
You can't get away from the fact
the Fiesta, in any guise,
348
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,000
is a brilliant little car.
349
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000
The chassis is so sorted out!
350
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:17,000
I've driven the ST version,
the hot one, and it is simply superb.
351
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:22,000
What's incredible is that they
haven't lost any of that liveliness,
352
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,000
that excitement, that thrill, by
fitting it with a tiny, tiny engine.
353
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000
It's like driving a cartoon!
354
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000
BRAKES SQUEAL
355
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000
Squealing!
356
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000
Bit of turbo boost,
bit of traction control wise.
357
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,000
That means I'm having fun
and I'm on the ragged edge.
358
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000
Hee-hee!
359
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:57,000
Unlike the Ford and the Dacia,
the Up! doesn't have a turbocharger.

360
00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,000
But even so, it still feels like
a determined spur.
361
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,000
I'm going to get there first!
Yes, I am, get out of my way!
362
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000
Woo-ha-ha!
363
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000
And stick it into the bend...
364
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,000
I mean, if I were in even a Ferrari
on this road, I'd be thinking
365
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000
"Oh, no, I'm going
to scrape my nose!
366
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,000
"How much power do I need here
and how much braking?" And I don't
367
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000
have to worry about any of that,
because the Up! has no power at all.
368
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,000
You just put your foot hard down
and leave it there!
369
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,000
Much to the annoyance
of the producers,
370
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,000
we have loved our drive
on the wiggly road.
371
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,000
But we loved what we found
at the other end of it even more.
372

00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,000

A disused Soviet submarine base
373
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000
Now, ordinarily, we would have
to park in the car park there.
374
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:07,000
But because our cars are so little,
we won't.
375
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,000
This is remarkable.
376
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000
James Bond could not have
got in here!
377
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,000
Because of course,
his Aston Martin is too large.
378
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000
Good God!
379
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,000
Look at that!
380
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,000
In the event of a nuclear war,
381
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,000
they could get 14 submarines
in here, and 3,000 people.
382
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,000
It's under a mountain!
383
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,000
Yeah, it is your actual
under-a-mountain submarine base
384
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,000
It's full-on Bond.
385
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,000
How much energy and effort

was expended by MI6

386
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:07,000
and the CIA trying to find out
the details of this place?
387
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,000
And here I am, driving through it!
388
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,000
Sadly, we spent so long
driving around the sub pen...
389
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,000
..that night was falling
by the time we reached
390
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000
the busy city of Sevastopol.
391
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,000
And here, the Up!'s lack of oomph
was a bit of an issue.
392
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,000
Oh, I'm being squeezed!
393
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:43,000
I've lost it.
Being strashed by a Lada 2107!
394
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,000
However, because the VW
is smaller than the Ford
395
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:53,000
and the Dacia, I didn't have to park
miles and miles from the hotel.
396
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,000
Is that legal? No.
Where does it say "no parking"?
397
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,000
But it doesn't say "no parking"
in a lot of places where it's
398

00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,000

obviously not quite right to park.
399
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000
To be fair,
it doesn't say "no murdering" either.
400
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,000
The next morning,
we continued our journey through
401
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,000
a region where the hills were once
soaked with British blood.
402
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,000
The Crimean War may have been
unfathomable,
403
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:30,000
nobody really knew why it started,
but the legacy is enormous.
404
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000
It gave us important words
like balaclava and cardigan.
405
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
It gave us Florence Nightingale
406
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,000
the world's first war photographer,
the world's first war reporter.
407
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,000
The Victoria Cross was first awarded
to soldiers who fought here
408
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000
And even today,
the medal is made from metal
409
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,000
taken from a Russian gun
that was captured here.
410
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,000
Then, of course, there's

the best-known legacy of them all.

411
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000
How's it go?
412
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:11,000
"Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
413
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000
"Theirs but to do and die."
414
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,000
"Into the valley of death rode
the 600." And that is the valley.
415
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:22,000
That is where the Charge of the
Light Brigade actually happened
416
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,000
It was a misunderstood order.
417
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000
Yeah, they were supposed to go
up there somewhere.
418
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,000
They were supposed to
snout around in the hills,
looking for the Russians,
419
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:34,000
misunderstood it, came charging
over here armed with sabres,
against the entire Russian
420
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:39,000
artillery here, all of it was there,
pointing straight at them.
421
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000
And they were on horses with sabres.
422
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,000
How could that possibly end?
423

00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000

Oh, God!
424
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,000
Choose your moments!
Exactly. Exactly.
425
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,000
"Ukraine is the second largest
country in Europe, and now you will
426
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,000
"drive all the way across it,
427
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:14,000
"from here in the far south to
the Belarus border in the north
428
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,000
"It will be worse than those
long journeys you did
429
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,000
"as a kid in the back of
a family car to the seaside.
430
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,000
"It will be the journey from hell."
431
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,000
How can it be worse than those
journeys? I was a kid then!
432
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,000
I was in the back of
a Mark I Cortina.
433
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,000
I was in the back
of an Austin 1100.
434
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Anglia, with a hole in the floor
How far is it? It doesn't...
435
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,000
How far is it? It's 750 miles.

436
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:42,000
750 miles? What, in a Volkswagen
Up!? That's easy. Piece of ca..
437
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,000
In these three cars - light cars 438
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,000
we shall be the modern-day
Charge of the Light Brigade.
439
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,000
Very good.
440
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,000
Still feeling slightly baffled,
we set off.
441
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,000
Well, I think the producers have
gone a bit soft, to be honest.
442
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:07,000
It's just not in any way difficult,
challenging... It's just...
443
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,000
It's easy!
444
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,000
APPLAUSE
445
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,000
750 miles!
446
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,000
It turned out not to be easy at all.
447
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,000
Yes, in the second
part of that film,
448
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000
which we'll show you later on,
I was actually killed.
449

00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,000

Yeah, he really was.
450
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,000
So, that's something for us
all to look forward to.
451
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000
Yes, thank you, Hammond.
452
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,000
But in the meantime, we must put
a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car.
453
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,000
Now, my guest tonight is the only
British musician who can
454
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:49,000
drive a tank, fire a mortar
and strip an assault rifle.
455
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Apart from Posh Spice, obviously.
456
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,000
Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!
457
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
458
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,000
How you doing, big man?
How are you? I'm well.
459
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:06,000
Hi there. How are you doing? Hi
Hello. He's here. Have a seat.
460
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,000
All right. Many whistlings!
461
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,000
First of all, congratulations
on your forthcoming marriage.
462
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,000

I'm getting married? BLEEP!

463
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:20,000
You're getting married to the girl
standing behind you. Fantastic
464
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,000
Just in case you'd forgotten.
No, there she is, look.
465
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:28,000
LAUGHTER
What's your name? Aah!
466
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,000
That's the ticket. OK, great.
So, when are you getting married?
467
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,000
September.
468
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,000
I'm just thinking, I know there s
lots of girls here and they'll
469
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,000
want me to ask lots of questions
about it, but I can't think of any.
470
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,000
Shall we talk about the Army?
Let's talk about the Army.
471
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,000
The Army's better. We've got
to do the Army, it's easier.
472
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,000
Now, we know you were in the Army,
of course, that is well documented.
473
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,000
But I think what a lot of people
don't know is that you actually
474
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000
single-handedly,
when you were in Kosovo,

475
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,000
stopped World War III
from happening.
476
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:59,000
I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah.
Because it's time the nation knew.
477
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,000
Actually, it was genuinely
the most incredible day of my life.
478
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000
Other than my forthcoming marriage.
479
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,000
And, er... It was...
480
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,000
You know, having bombed the crap
out of the Serbs,
481
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,000
we signed a peace accord
and we pushed up to Pristina,
482
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,000
the capital, and I was remarkably
put as truly the first officer
483
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,000
to lead 30,000 people up there,
484
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,000
and when we got to the airport
in Pristina, General Wesley Clark
485
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,000
told us to just overrun
486
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,000
and overpower the 200 Russians
who had beaten us to the airport
487
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,000
The American general?

488
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,000
Yeah, and we asked several times that one thing means destroy them?
489
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,000
Which seemed a pretty stupid thing
to do. He said destroy...
490
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,000
He said overrun and overpower,
definitely using some political
manoeuvring in his wording.
491
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,000
And after, you know,
five minutes of arguing,
492
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,000
a very special man called
General Mike Jackson,
493
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,000
an incredible character
who I would follow anywhere,
494
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,000
came up on the radio and said,
495
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,000
"This is ridiculous,
I'm not having my soldiers being
496
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,000
"responsible for starting
World War III,
497
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,000
"let's push off somewhere else.
498
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,000
And when the Russians
had run out of food and water,
499
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:05,000
they came back and asked us for food
and water and we said,
"Sure, if you share the airport "

500
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:11,000
That was an order from an American
to a British captain to...
501
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,000
And he later then ran
for president in America. I know
502
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,000
Let's move on to music.
We've covered the army.
503
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,000
You saved the world from
World War III, which is good.
504
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,000
Your new album is called
Moon Landing.
505
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,000
Moon Landing, which I only
discovered after the event
506
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,000
that "moon landing" is actually
in the Urban Dictionary
507
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,000
as a term in the gym when two men
are changing and they bend over
508
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:36,000
and their bottoms touch accidentally.
So, yeah...
509
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,000
There's a single called
Heart To Heart, isn't there? Yes.
510
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000
Now, forgive me for saying this
my daughter,
511
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,000
she said to me a couple of days ago,
"I was going to tweet James

512
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,000
"to say how much I love that song,"
but she said, "I was so worried
513
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,000
"that his tweet reply would rip me
apart that I haven't dared do it."
514
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,000
I wouldn't abuse her,
if she's nice.
515
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,000
What have you just won on Twitter?
516
00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,000
It's something, the best
twitterer... Best Comebacks.
517
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,000
The Best Comebacks, from the chap
over there with windswept hair
518
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,000
I've actually got a few
of your ones here.
519
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,000
Don't they take a long time
to think of?
520
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,000
I would say I'm spontaneous with it,
but I might be lying.
521
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:17,000
Somebody said here, "Why have you
only got 200,000 followers?"
522
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,000
And you replied,
"Jesus only needed 12."
523
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:23,000
APPLAUSE
524

00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,000

You've got to admit...
they are properly very funny.
525
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,000
"James Blunt has an annoying face
and a highly irritating voice.
526
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,000
You went, "Yes, and no mortgage "
527
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,000
Do you mind if I show them
my absolute favourite? Go for it.
528
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,000
The rather sarky,
"Whatever happened to James Blunt?"
529
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,000
And this was the picture you posted.
530
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,000
What I love about you is the way
that somebody is abusive to you
531
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:53,000
and you just take it on the chin and
are fine. I sob uncontrollably.
532
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,000
I mean, people take Twitter
far too seriously.
533
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,000
It's just,
there's a real world out there,
534
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,000
and people seem to think
that Twitter is important.
535
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,000
It's just people opinions,
and opinions are like arseholes
536
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,000
Everyone has one. Yeah. Cars.

537
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,000
When you were last here, I think
538
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,000
the only car you'd ever driven
at the time was a Lada.
539
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,000
Yeah, I was really embarrassed about
that, and I've tried to upgrade.
540
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,000
I had a Lada Riva 1.3SL, for "slow".
541
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,000
Because now, obviously,
things have moved on dramatically.
542
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,000
You've got a tuk-tuk.
543
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,000
I have a tuk-tuk from Bangkok,
which is awesome, three-wheeled
544
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:31,000
vehicle, does 70mph, and I drive it
around home in Ibiza.
545
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,000
It does 70?
546
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,000
70mph, and if you get all your mates
in the back,
547
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,000
you can wheelie as well, at 70mph.
548
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,000
Actually, my best friend is a
chap called Nin, he's Indian,
549
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,000
and he insists on driving to make it
look more authentic.

550
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,000
LAUGHTER
551
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,000
Yeah.
552
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,000
When you're in London, I gather
you've now got a bicycle. Yeah.
553
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:55,000
Why do you have a bicycle?
It's much, much faster
and it's good exercise.
554
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,000
You can lose a paunch with a bicycle.
555
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,000
I've got a bicycle, and look what
it's done to me. Literally.
556
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000
You're not supposed to eat it.
557
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,000
Yeah...
558
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:13,000
Now, you recently had an altercation
with a paparazzi photographer,
559
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000
I believe, in the United States
560
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000
Yeah, paps are quite aggressive
and yes,
561
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,000
I was coming out of a party
and I was with someone who
562
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,000
was in the public eye as well,
and they shout. Paps don't want

563
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,000
an ordinary picture,
they want an aggressive picture
564
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000
and they're all banging
on the window,
565
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,000
and one of them fell in front of the
car, and what are you supposed to do?
566
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,000
He's fallen down and I wouldn't want
to incriminate myself by saying
567
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:38,000
that I hadn't spotted him and touched
the throttle and went gently over.
568
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:42,000
That would be the wrong thing to do.
But... But we did go over him
569
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,000
Did you actually feel the dum-dum?
Yes.
570
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,000
Something strangely
satisfying about it.
571
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:55,000
And in the meantime, the police
and the ambulance did arrive,
572
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,000
but before they arrived, he got up
and took pictures of more people
573
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,000
They even had some film footage
from another paparazzi of him
574
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,000
rubbing his leg, saying,
"Make it redder, make it redder,

575
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000
and when the police arrived, he said,
"Poor me, I've been run over.
576
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,000
But it was a very small hire car
and I think it was fine.
577
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:13,000
It wasn't a large American Cadillac?
No. Get one of those next time.
578
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,000
Anyway, the lap,
how was it out there today?
579
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,000
I think as I was driving down today,
they said today was the first
580
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,000
day of the year the Met Office has
issued a red weather warning 581
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,000
do not leave home unless you
specifically have to,
582
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,000
and I've been doing laps.
583
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,000
The thing is, as you know,
everybody who comes down here
584
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,000
goes off at the second to last
corner, that's a given, really,
585
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,000
but I heard that James went off
on the Follow Through.
586
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,000
And I followed through
at the time as well!

587
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,000
That's why it's called
the Follow Through,
588
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,000
because that's a 100mph corner,
589
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,000
and you have that building in front
of you, and if things start to
590
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,000
go wrong through there,
it's actually a slightly
buttock-clenching...
591
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,000
Very much. And some of your camera
crew are lucky to be alive. Yeah
592
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,000
Would anybody like to see this
moment when one of our guests
593
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000
actually went off on
the Follow Through? AUDIENCE: Yes.
594
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,000
Let's have a look at this.
Here we go.
595
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,000
That is absolutely soaking.
596
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,000
That's properly fast, and you keep
your foot in it until, look at this!
597
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:15,000
What I love about that is
you did not apply the brakes
598
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,000
until you were an inch
from the edge of the track.
599

00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,000

Everyone says you're not allowed
to lift off and so I tried not to.
600
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,000
We're talking big cojones there
601
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000
It's actually because I couldn't see
through the windscreen.
602
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,000
I didn't know I was coming off.
603
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,000
It started to get bumpy and green "This has definitely gone wrong."
604
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:38,000
Anyway, eventually,
we did get a lap together.
Yeah. Who'd like to see it?
605
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,000
Yeah! Here we go.
606
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,000
See, I think this is
the Blitz spirit.
607
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,000
Come on, then! BLEEP!
608
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,000
It's like a BLEEP lake out here
609
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,000
Yeah, nobody's complaining
about the Environment Agency,
610
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,000
you're going in there, "Why don t
you come and clear it up?"
611
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,000
That is so wet!
612

00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,000

Stayed on the track nicely.
613
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,000
It's like ice skating.
614
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,000
Not that I ice skate very often
615
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,000
You really should have borrowed
Richard Hammond's booster cushion.
616
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:18,000
I needed Moses to part the sea.
There's a private jet over there
617
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,000
That could get me home!
Ibiza, right.
618
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000
Hammerhead, probably couldn't even
see the lines,
619
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,000
so that's pretty impressive.
620
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:33,000
Here we go, right, coming up to
the Follow Through again. So slow.
621
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:38,000
Up to 6,000. And again,
I can't see a BLEEP thing.
622
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,000
This is, I really admire you
for doing this.
623
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:49,000
A touch of the brakes, and I can't
say I blame you. Through the tyres.
624
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:54,000
No whingeing, no complaining.
And, yeah, going to make that one.

625
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,000
Not bad at all, actually.
And it's blowing a gale.
626
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:03,000
Whoa! It's the Jimmy Carr line!
There we are. Across the line.
627
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,000
That is really, properly...
I've never seen it like that.
628
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000
Yeah, it was fascinating,
because last time
629
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,000
I came down it was wet as well, and
basically, whenever you have me on,
630
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,000
unsurprisingly, it is the wettest,
James Blunt is the wettest lap.
631
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:27,000
We have had two previous wet laps
in the last couple of weeks.
632
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:33,000
Hugh Bonneville at 1.50.1,
Tom Hiddleston last week at 1.4 .9,
633
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,000
so bearing in mind, he was very wet,
but nothing like...
634
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:40,000
Not nearly as wet as me. So come on,
where do you think you come?
635
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,000
I really hope I haven't
humiliated myself too much.
636
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,000
No, you haven't humiliated yourself,
637

00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,000

because you went out there, which is
brave enough, and you drove around
638
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,000
in it, which is very marvellous
and you looked determined.
639
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,000
Like one of those schools
where everyone's a winner.
640
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:59,000
So there we are, fastest lap so far,
1.49.9. You did...
641
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,000
1...
642
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,000
49...
643
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,000
4.
644
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
645
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:15,000
I have to say... That is the fastest
wet lap. You are above Ron Howard.
646
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,000
And just under Joss Stone.
I'm always under some... Anyway
647
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,000
Feel the eyes in the back of my head.
Yes. I can see them.
648
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,000
You're between
Joss Stone and Ron Howard.
That's a very odd place to be.
649
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000
That was quite something.
It really was. Thank you.

650
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!
651
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,000
Thank you.
652
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:48,000
Now, tonight we are trying to prove
that we really do like small cars,
653
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,000
and our producers are trying
to prove that they're rubbish.
654
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:56,000
Yes, so, they told us to drive
our three one-litre hatchbacks
655
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,000
all the way across Ukraine,
656
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:01,000
a trip they said would be
the journey from hell.
657
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:14,000
Why do they think this is going
to be the journey from hell?
658
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,000
Driving across the Ukraine.
659
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,000
We've only been here 24 hours,
we've been through the Cold War
660
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,000
the Second World War, the Crimean
War. It's going to be tremendous.
661
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,000
And I'm in my Up!
662
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,000
In the not too distant past,
little cars like ours

663
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:35,000
were very spartan, but these days,
if you choose your car wisely
664
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000
you get loads of stuff to play with.
665
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:42,000
Right, Hammond, have you got your
air conditioning set just so?
666
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,000
I have, yes, I've set it
just half a degree lower
667
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,000
than would be too comfortable.
668
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,000
This heated seat, I think,
just to the first position.
669
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,000
USB.
670
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,000
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
'USB iPod.'
671
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,000
Bluetoothed my iPod
into the stereo system.
672
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,000
Heated windscreen, let me try that.
673
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,000
Cruise control. Haven't done that.
674
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000
Yep, a mirror on that side.
675
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:20,000
Eventually, though, even Hammond and
I ran out of things to play with,

676
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,000
so we turned our attention
to the Ukrainian scenery.
677
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:49,000
A hill or two wouldn't go amiss
678
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,000
Right, I admit it, this is boring.
679
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,000
Do you think
we're halfway there yet?
680
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,000
We needed to find out.
681
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,000
So, as we couldn't understand
the writing on our sat-nav systems,
682
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,000
we pulled over to consult a map
683
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000
We came from down here, yes?
684
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,000
And we've got to go
all the way there.
685
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,000
We've just gone through a town
called Pravda.
686
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,000
We can't be further back than that.
687
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,000
Maybe it's in...
Can't be there. We've done that
688
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:08,000
Oh, Christ, oh no! It's there. Don't
be daft! It is! We're only here!
689

00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:12,000

We've only done that. We've only
driven over the Isle of Wight.
690
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:17,000
We've got to come here? How come ..
We've only got there?!
691
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:23,000
And that's good news. Is it? How is
that good news? It's good news.
692
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,000
Really? Yes.
693
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,000
Instead of just sitting and,
"I'm bored,"
694
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,000
why don't we make ourselves more
rounded human beings on the journey?
695
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,000
So while we're in the car
we learn to do some thing?
696
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:39,000
Exactly! We could sit there going,
"I'm bored, I'm bored,
I wish I wasn't doing this,"
697
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:44,000
or we can simply say, "No, we shall
use this time constructively.
698
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:49,000
We will arrive in Belarus
more intelligent
699
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,000
and more rounded than we are now.
700
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,000
Back on the road,
the self-improvement began.
701
00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,000

'Hello and welcome to

Teach Yourself Ukrainian. Unit one.
702
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000
'Hello, what's your name?'
703
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,000
"You will learn to play blues
harp quickly
704
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,000
"and easily by just listening
to the CD." Ooh, I've got a CD!
705
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,000
"And following the book."
706
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,000
Viewers, you will notice
I'm wearing my magic hat
707
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,000
and that there is
a playing card in it.
708
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,000
'Karus again invites Stephen
to his home to discuss
709
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,000
'some business questions.'
710
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,000
MAN SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
AND JEREMY REPEATS
711
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,000
So that goes in there.
712
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:33,000
BLUES HARMONICA PLAYS
713
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,000
Well...
714
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,000
In the mobile language lab,

things were going well.

715
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
Underwear.
716
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,000
And soon I felt confident enough
to get us
717
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,000
something to eat at a roadside cafe.
718
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,000
FLIES BUZZ
719
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
720
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,000
What are you saying? I'm trying to
find some food that isn't fish.
721
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,000
Oh, thank you.
722
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,000
JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
723
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000
You seem to have ordered some wood.
724
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,000
Jeremy then asked for some apples.
725
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,000
Well, we've eaten. Shall we go?
726
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,000
The next morning, after breakfast
had been cleared away..
727
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:47,000
What?!
728
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,000

..I used my new Ukrainian skills

to check the sat-nav.
729
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:58,000
Oh, Jesus. To get to Kiev,
13 hours and 49 minutes.
730
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,000
HE GROANS
731
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:08,000
We were in a state of despair, but
then, out of the fog loomed a man.
732
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000
And behind him, this.
733
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,000
An abandoned nuclear missile base.
734
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,000
This is the silo, is it?
That's a silo. It's ever so big
735
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:29,000
Hammond, this is an SS18, nicknamed
the Satan, targeted Ross-on-Wye.
736
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,000
Was it? That's what that says.
Hang on a minute, though.
737
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,000
It says "alternative target
Chipsky Norton" there.
738
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,000
LIGHTER CLICKS
739
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,000
I think it must be damp!
740
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000
THEY LAUGH
741
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,000
Many people complain about having

to do a long drive, but on this one,

742
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:56,000
we really had hit on a brilliant way
of making the time fly by.
743
00:45:56,000 --> 00:46:00,000
HE PLAYS A FEW MOURNFUL NOTES
744
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:07,000
Ha ha! Viewers, my hands empty,
745
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:12,000
nothing at all in them.
Now, can I...
746
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,000
HE HUMS
747
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:22,000
MAN SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
AND JEREMY REPEATS
748
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:27,000
'Unit three. Stephen, do you have
a family?' There's Stephen again.
749
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,000
Everybody's called Stephen here,
that's the one thing I have learned.
750
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:34,000
Oh, God. My doves have escaped.
751
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:39,000
My doves have got out. What doves?
752
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:43,000
What do you mean, got out?
My doves from my magic box.
753
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,000
They're all over the back.
They've crapped everywhere.
754
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:51,000
Upset by the mess,

OCD May ejected the culprit.

755
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,000
HORN HONKS LOUDLY
756
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,000
Oh, my God, there's a lorry...
That is an ex-dove.
757
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:02,000
Yeah, now, you see,
the truck that hit your dove, James,
758
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,000
how good are you at magic?
Seriously, did it not fly away?
759
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:09,000
You're not going to do
children's parties, are you,
760
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,000
because you're going to have
to change your act if you are.
761
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,000
"So, Sally, is this
the family parrot?
762
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,000
"Just watch what happens
763
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,000
"when I throw it out of
the window of a moving vehicle.
764
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,000
Putting this tragic
incident behind us
765
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:33,000
we ploughed on, and by nightfall had
reached Ukraine's capital, Kiev.
766
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:38,000
Jeremy checked us into the hotel
767

00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,000

JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN
768
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000
Yeah.
769
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:46,000
Did you just say yes
to stop him talking?
770
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,000
And in the bar, James did another
trick that went wrong.
771
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000
Ta-da!
772
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:55,000
I'm afraid not. You can't change
your mind about the card you chose.
773
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,000
That was the card you chose.
You can't tell me what card I chose.
774
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,000
But I know you chose that
because I read your mind.
775
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:04,000
Magicians are supposed to exercise a
degree of finesse, not just bullying.
776
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,000
No, it's still not.
It is! That's what you chose!
777
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,000
The following morning,
778
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:15,000
we were warned there was a mob on
the streets of Kiev, and there was.
779
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,000
Thank you for coming,
thank you so much.

780
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,000
So, to get a bit of peace and quiet,
781
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,000
we were told to report to
the country's only racetrack...
782
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:38,000
..for what, chillingly,
was called the final challenge.
783
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:43,000
"Your cars will each be given
exactly 23 litres of fuel,
784
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,000
"which, because
they're so economical,
785
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,000
"should easily be enough for them to
cover the 100 or so miles
786
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,000
"to your destination, a town
near the border with Belarus."
787
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,000
Hang on, 23 litres? To do 100 miles?
That's not really a challenge, is it?
788
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:02,000
That's easy! "Your challenge is to
run out before you get there." Eh?
789
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,000
"This is something you
will want to do,
790
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,000
"as the town in question
is called...
791
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,000
"..Chernobyl."
792
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,000

Can we actually...
We can't go there, can we?
793
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:26,000
Chernobyl was the scene of
the world's worst nuclear accident.
794
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,000
When reactor number four
exploded in 1986,
795
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:35,000
it released a radioactive cloud
so devastating that the entire area
796
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:39,000
will remain uninhabitable
for 20,000 years.
797
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:45,000
And unless we could make our cars
do less than 20 miles to the gallon,
798
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,000
this is where we'd end up.
799
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:53,000
Ford claim mine does 65mpg.
800
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:56,000
All the way here, this has done 60
miles to the gallon, give or take.
801
00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:01,000
Yes. How would you make these cars
do 20 miles to the gallon?
802
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,000
I can't imagine getting it under 30.
803
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:08,000
After the producers had put
precisely 23 litres of fuel
804
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:12,000
in each tank, we did some
preparations of our own.

805
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000
Right.
806
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,000
Clever, this.
807
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,000
What I'm going to do is let
about 30% of the pressure
out of the tyres.
808
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,000
The point is,
it increases rolling resistance
809
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,000
which means I use more fuel.
810
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,000
That is one heavy Up!
811
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,000
What are you doing?
812
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,000
I'm sealing all the gaps so that
radioactive dust can't get in.
813
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,000
What you've done there, Hammond
is made it more aerodynamic.
814
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000
I have, haven't I? You have. Goodbye.
815
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,000
To get through this much petrol
in less than 100 miles,
816
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,000
we would have to drive like maniacs.
817
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,000
Three, two, one.
818
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:11,000

ENGINES REV FURIOUSLY

819
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Come on! Build up the revs!
820
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:20,000
Second gear. Right to the limiter.
God, that's wasteful.
821
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:27,000
James and I decided to go for
a low-gear policy of maximum revs.
822
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000
Hammond, on the other hand...
823
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:36,000
If I keep doing this all the way
there, I'll go further.
824
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:42,000
It will be twice the distance. This
is the answer. Lock to lock. Ooh!
825
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,000
TRUCK HORN BEEPS
826
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,000
That's where I'm going
to have to be careful,
827
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,000
when there's traffic
coming the other way.
828
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,000
I've just realised!
829
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,000
I'm driving without the lights on.
830
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000
I'm driving with
the eco-engine system...
831
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:00,000
Heated rear window, I want that on.

Heated seats, yes.

832
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,000
That's better.
833
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,000
Probably people think
this is a bit odd,
834
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,000
but if they knew why I was doing it,
they would understand.
835
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,000
I can't believe
they're making us do this,
836
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:24,000
because it's not like the
radioactivity has gone. It hasn t.
837
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:29,000
It has a half-life, material that's
left, of 245,000 years.
838
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:33,000
And James May, obviously,
can explain what a half-life is
839
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,000
In fact, he probably is doing.
840
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,000
A half-life is actually constant.
A piece of uranium
841
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:44,000
will have a half-life
and when that half-life is passed,
842
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,000
the remaining bit
still has the same half-life.
843
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:51,000
I think the word was coined
by Marie Curie.

844
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,000
The early 20th century was the time
845
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,000
when radioactivity was identified
and discovered...
846
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:03,000
After 25 miles of red-line motoring,
847
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,000
the news from the Up!
still wasn't good.
848
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:11,000
I've managed to average
23 miles to the gallon.
849
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,000
I've got to get that down.
How do I get that down?
850
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:25,000
Right, the drag is now
dramatically worsened.
851
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,000
Meanwhile...
852
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:33,000
I am feeling a bit sick now,
if I'm honest.
853
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,000
Oh, is that a police car? Oh, dear.
854
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,000
There's the horrible evidence.
855
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:51,000
At a quarter distance, 25.5 miles,
856
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:55,000
I should have lost one of those
four bars that I started with.
857

00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,000

But it's not happening.
858
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,000
Come on, petrol! Sod off.
859
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,000
OK, we've been pulled by the police.
860
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,000
They were wondering
why I was zigzagging.
861
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,000
They're talking to
the camera car in front.
862
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:18,000
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here
at max RPM to try and use some fuel
863
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,000
while I'm stationary.
864
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:26,000
Whilst Hammond was deafening
the police,
865
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,000
I pulled over to disable
my engine management system.
866
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,000
How about that!
867
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,000
Engine warning light.
Yes. That's what we want.
868
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:40,000
What the engine has to do now
is assume a sort of
worst-case scenario,
869
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,000
because it doesn't know
anything about itself,

870
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:46,000
so it will assume it's very cold,
the fuel quality is bad,
871
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,000
so it must be less efficient.
872
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,000
30 miles from Chernobyl,
all our cars were still running
873
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:03,000
and we were trying every trick in
the book to make them conk out
874
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,000
Look at that for drag now!
875
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000
Brake. Then accelerate.
876
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,000
Then brake. Accelerate.
877
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,000
Still got three bars! Come on!
878
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:31,000
There it is! 17.8mpg.
My fuel light has come on! Oh, yeah.
879
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:37,000
I'm doing 21 miles to the gallon.
I'm not doing well enough!
880
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:44,000
Everything's on empty.
The needle, on empty.
881
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,000
Come on, run out. Run out.
882
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:52,000
It's one degree out there.
Nipples are sticking out badly.
883

00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,000

Ah! I believe this is
Richard Hammond.
884
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,000
This thing should not be moving
885
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:09,000
I'm going! I'm going! I am going!
Don't tell me you've run out. Yes!
886
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:15,000
Yes! Ha ha! Oh, bliss! It's gone
887
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,000
I don't believe you. It...
888
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,000
ENGINE SHUDDERS
889
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:27,000
I don't believe you. Sit rep.
890
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:30,000
Richard Hammond is a BLEEP.
891
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:31,000
Go on. Go and meet your fate.
892
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:43,000
The un-turbo-charged Up! continued
onwards. And then...
893
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:48,000
Oh, wait a minute. What do we have
here? Some kind of checkpoint
894
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:54,000
The barrier marked the start of
the 30km exclusion zone,
895
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:58,000
and now I'd have to go through it.
So would James.
896
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:02,000
But who would film

what happened afterwards?

897
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,000
Three main cameramen. Yeah.
898
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:09,000
They're getting in a taxi
and going back to Kiev. What?
899
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:41,000
Thare's snmethinf like 07 tonnds