Caleb James Grochalski

Human Sexuality
CFS 388
Prof. Joe Finelli
Notes

Human sexuality is Genital as well as Affective (relative).

It takes TIME, WORK, PATIENCE, and AWARENESS to invest in the relationship
Love Maps:
o A group of messages encoded in our brains that describe our likes and
dislikes
o Sexuality is a part of our life from the moment we are born
o Some kids are born with erections
o Attitudes are CAUGHT. They are not TAUGHT.
Children who are LOVED grow into adults who have the CAPACITY TO LOVE
THEMSELVES and TO LOVE OTHERS.
Worthwhileness vs Shame
Attachment Styles:
o Secure Trust that others will provide love and support
Can be independent as well as dependent when necessary
o Anxious/Ambivalent- Fears abandonment; fears their needs might not

be met
o Avoidant- Defensively detaches / withdraws from others
Gender Role: Stareotypes in that they envoke fixed conventional expectations

of men and women

Parents tend to reinforce in their children what they consider appropriately

gender behavior.
Social Development:
o Am I normal? - How do I rate?
Double standard: Males
o Focus on sexuality = CONQUEST
o Peers reinforce AGGRESSIVE and INDEPENDENT behaviors
Double standard: Females
o Focus on sexuality = RELATIONSHIP
Sex should never be a test or proof for love
Early maturing females: at about 12.5 years of age

Formal Operations (abstract reasoning):

o Formulate alternatives
o Consider risks
o Future consequences
LOVE is both an EXPRESSED FEELING and an ACTIVITY
People like people who like them (be likable)
People like people who reward them
Lust and Love are not the same
love at first sight is merely lust at first sight- hormones go crazy

passion = Lust
Sternbergs Triangular theory of Love^^^^^
John Lees (below)
Eros -> Loving an ideal person (attracted to the surface) (treats other as a

trophy)
Ludus -> love is in the chase in love with the game of love
Storge/Philia -> LOVE AS FRIENDSHIP
Pragma -> Realistic and Practical Love.
Mania -> Possessive, Obsessive love.
Agape -> Selfless love. My lovers needs are more important than my

own.
Relationships:
o Attraction
o Building
o Continuation
o Deterioration
o Ending OR Acceptance
DANGER POINTS
o Criticism
o Contempt
o Defensiveness
o Withdrawal
Skill #1: COMMUNICATION
o Partners in a mature relationship say what they feel, need, and desire
in an ASSERTIVE rather than aggressive or blaming manner.

o I statements rather than YOU statements

Skill #2: AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO MIND-READ
Skill #3: Being Bi-Lingual
o Learning each others language of love
Influencing Attraction:
o Chemistry
o Beauty
o Proximity
o Love Map
o Reciprocity
o Similarity
In a landmark cross-cultural survey, YOUTH AND GOOD HEALTH, were what

both men and women looked for.

Men find the physicality more desirable
Women find the relationship/person/reliability more desirable
Desire/Lust/Libido: Intense craving for sexual excitement and

gratification.
Rynocerous horns, when grinded down, are an aphrodisiac. Thats where we

get the term Horny.

Aphrodisiac: A Substance that ALLEDGEDLY arouses sexual desire

and increases that capacity for sexual activity.

Alcohol is a depressant. It actually impairs your body, sexually.
Richard von Krafft-Ebing wrote Psycopathia Sexualis in 1888
o Every social ill was the result of masturbation
Havelock Ellis wrote Psychology of Sex in 1906
o Said masturbation was Gucci
o Homosexuality and Heterosexuality happened in phases
o Physical and Emotional problems in sex
Alfred Kinsey: Sexual Behavior in the Human Male- 1948
Alfred Kinsey: Sexual Behavior in the Human Female- 1953
o Kinsey actually ASKED REAL PEOPLE about their intimate lives
William Masters and Virginia Johnson-1966- The first sexual researchers to

observe sexual activity in a laboratory section

Masters and Johnson created two devices to measure VASOCONGESTION in

the genitals of men and women

Kaplan introduced that desire comes before excitement.