MY SUPER FATHER-IN-LAW

"Pilot"
Written by Rodney Ohebsion

Copyright 2016

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

HERM (65, black) is holding a wrench. He turns the faucet on
and off, while a TENANT (male, 35, black) stands near him.
HERM
Alright. As good as new.
TENANT
I gotta say, Mr. Jones. You might
be a cranky lunatic, but you fix
stuff better than any other super
in any building Ive ever lived in.
HERM
And I gotta say, you might be an
asshole, but.
TENANT
... But what?
HERM
Aint no but. Youre an asshole.
TENANT
Come on, Mr. Jones. I was
complimenting you.
HERM
What about the whole cranky lunatic
thing?
TENANT
Well. Im just saying. Today, you
fixed my faucet--but yesterday, you
got mad at me because my goldfish
was making too much noise.
HERM
Thats cause you got a loud ass
goldfish.
TENANT
Or maybe its cause this building
has thin walls.
HERM
Anyways, do you need anything
else--like maybe a punch in the
damn nose?

2.

TENANT
No. But, uh, hows Karen doing? I
havent seen her in a while.
HERM
Karen is fine.
TENANT
Tell her I said hi.
HERM
Im a busy man. I dont got time to
tell people who said hi to them.
TENANT
You know, I heard Karen married
Jackie Chans cousin or something.
HERM
What? No. She married Denzel
Washingtons cousin.
TENANT
My sister said she saw Karen with
some Asian dude.
HERM
Karen is married to a black man.
TENANT
But my sister said she looked up
Karen on Facebook, and it says
there that her name is now Karen
Jones Nakamura.
HERM
And?
TENANT
Most black men dont have the last
name Nakamura.
HERM
Its a Swahili name. It means mind
your business.
TENANT
Look. Theres nothing wrong with a
black woman marrying an Asian dude.
Dont forget what Dr. King said. I
have a dream...

3.

HERM
Yeah--I know about the dream, OK?
Dont be quoting Dr. King to me.
Ill quote Dr. King to you. I was
standing right next to Dr. King
during the Million Man March.
TENANT
Well then you know how Dr. Kings
dream was interracial.
HERM
I know how Martin Luther King was
married to a black woman, and Karen
is married to a black man.
TENANT
Right. Mr. Nakamura, the black man.
I guess Nakamura is Swahili for
bullshit.
INT. HERM AND BEAS APARTMENT - DAY
Herm is talking to his wife BEA (65, black).
HERM
That kid in 3G--hes spreading
rumors about how Karens married to
some Asian guy.
BEA
But she is married to an Asian guy.
HERM
Shhh. Not so loud, honey. You know
how thin these walls are.
(loudly, to a wall)
Thats true, honey. Karen is
married to a black man.
BEA
Herm, enough.
HERM
Honey. This is Brooklyn--not
Beijing. We cant advertise the
fact that our daughters with some
Chinaman.
BEA
Her husband is Japanese.

4.

HERM
Chinaman, Japanman--he definitely
aint no blackman.
INT. INTERNET COMPANY CAFETERIA - DAY
HARUTO (male, 30, Japanese), TIM (30), and JACK (50) are
seated at a table and eating lunch.
JACK
Its my birthday today.
HARUTO
Oh. Happy birthday.
JACK
Theyre gonna fire me.
HARUTO
Why?
JACK
Well. I heard the office is gonna
get a cake for my birthday.
HARUTO
And?
JACK
And I think they know Im turning
50.
HARUTO
And?
JACK
This is an internet company. Once
you turn 50, they take you out back
and beat the crap out of you. And
then they fire you.
HARUTO
Theyre not gonna fire you.
I need you
everyones
make a few
we went to

JACK
to do me a favor. When
eating my birthday cake,
comments that imply
high school together.

5.
HARUTO
How about instead of me doing that,
I just take you out back and I beat
the crap our of you?
TIM
Ill do it.
JACK
Youll beat the crap out of me?
TIM
Ill tell everyone that we went to
high school together. And
Ill photoshop a picture of us as
two 17 year olds at a Justin Bieber
concert.
Their boss PEYTON (35) walks up to Jack.
PEYTON
Jack--I just talked to
headquarters. They need you to
finish the green project by
tomorrow.
JACK
You know, that reminds me of the
time Tim and I were in high school,
and they always served us green
beans in the cafeteria.
PEYTON
You guys went to high school
together?
JACK
Yeah.
PEYTON
During the same decade?
JACK
Yes.
PEYTON
Didnt you tell me the other day
that your favorite musician
is Gloria Gaynor?
JACK
I didnt say Gloria Gaynor. I said
Justin Bieber. Im not old.

6.

PEYTON
(robotically)
Great. Bye.
He walks away.
JACK
You think hes gonna fire me for
being 50?
HARUTO
No. Hes gonna fire you for liking
Justin Bieber.
A few seconds pass.
TIM
I need to ask you a question about
your area of expertise.
HARUTO
Coding?
TIM
No.
HARUTO
Online payment processing?
TIM
Youre getting a little closer--but
no.
HARUTO
Then what?
TIM
How can I pick up black women?
HARUTO
How should I know?
TIM
Youre married to one.
HARUTO
Oh yeah. Right. Well, Im not an
expert on picking up black women. I
just happened to be married to a
woman who happens to be black.

7.

TIM
Right. So you didnt use, like,
some sort of algorithm to get her?
HARUTO
Of course not. Well--I mightve
consulted with an algorithm. But I
relied on my heart. Also, I got
Karen really drunk on our third
date.
JACK
So hows your marriage going?
HARUTO
Great. But tonight, were having
our parents over. And theres no
algorithm that can show me how to
deal with Herm Johnson.
INT. BAKERY - DAY
Herm is talking to an EMPLOYEE (male, 35).
HERM
I need a cake.
EMPLOYEE
OK. Do you have a specific kind of
cake in mind?
HERM
Do I look like I have time to think
about specific cakes? Im a busy
man. Im a building superintendent.
Just give me a cake so I can get
the hell out of there. I dont want
to spend all day in a bakery, like
some damn idiot.
EMPLOYEE
Um. OK. Well, for a busy man like
you, Id recommend our most popular
item: the molten chocolate cake.
HERM
How much is that?
EMPLOYEE
19.99.

8.

HERM
You want me to pay 19.99 for a
molten cake?!
EMPLOYEE
I dont know.
HERM
I dont need no molten. I just want
a cake--not a freaking volcano.
EMPLOYEE
Well. Our Boston cream pie is
really good, and its only 10.99.
HERM
This is Brooklyn, jack! I dont
order New England clam chowder, I
dont wear red socks, and I sure as
hell dont eat Boston pies.
EMPLOYEE
OK. Well. We have lemon cake for
10.99. Do you have anything against
lemons?
HERM
Of course I dont have anything
against lemons! What kind of a
lunatic do you think I am?!
INT. SMALL OFFICE ROOM - DAY
KAREN (30, black) is seated at her desk, and MARV (60,
white) and GINA (60, white) are seated across from her.
KAREN
And what do you typically have for
lunch?
MARV
Beer and potato chips.
KAREN
For lunch?
MARV
Yeah. I have a few beers, and maybe
two or three handfuls of potato
chips or Doritos, and maybe a
pickle.

9.

GINA
(to Karen)
He usually doesnt have a pickle.
MARV
I have a pickle pretty often.
GINA
But not usually.
MARV
Four times a week.
GINA
Two times a week.
MARV
Are you saying that Im lying about
my pickle consumption? WHy would I
lie about that?
GINA
You dont eat four pickles a week!
KAREN
Well, uh--it doesnt really matter
that much if he eats four pickles
or two pickles.
GINA
(to Marv)
You hear that, Marv? Youve been
arguing for nothing.
(to Karen)
Mrs. Jones--regardless of how many
pickles my husband eats, should he
be drinking beer and eating
chips every day?
KAREN
No.
GINA
(to Marv)
You hear that, Marv? Shes a
nutritionist.
MARV
Well why shouldnt I have beer and
chips for lunch?

10.

GINA
What do you mean why?
(to Karen)
Tell him why.
KAREN
Because you need to have actual
food for lunch. Beer and chips have
almost no nutritional value.
GINA
(to Marv)
Did you hear that, Marv?
MARV
Im right here, and she said it, so
I heard it.
GINA
But are you gonna listen to it, and
stop having beer and chips for
lunch?
MARV
No. Because Im not a bean sprout
eating hippie who votes for Obama
and goes to Woodstock.
GINA
(to Karen)
Did you hear that?
MARV
Of course she heard it.
KAREN
Well. Listen, Mr. Jackson. You know
the main thing I dont like about
hippies?
MARV
Their unwillingness to wear normal
shoes.
KAREN
Well. Basically. I dont like how
theyre extremists. Im not an
extremist, and Im not asking you
to be one, either. Im not asking
you to camp out in a Whole Foods
Market and live on kale and quinoa.

11.
MARV
Quino-what?
KAREN
Quinoa. Its a food.
MARV
It sounds like it tastes like shit.
KAREN
Well. Heres my main message. If
you want to eat chips and drink
beer, you can eat chips and drink
beer. Just not for lunch every
single day. How about
you substitute, like, half of those
beers with juice and water, and
half of those chips with sandwiches
or cereal or fruit?
MARV
Well. I, uh, I suppose I can do
that.
GINA
(to Karen)
And what about the pickles?
MARV
Nobody cares about the pickles,
Gina!
INT. LI AND SOO-YIS APARTMENT - DAY
This entire scene is in Japanese with English subtitles
Li (65) is talking to SOO-YI (60).
LI
(in Japanese with English
subtitles)
What do you think Harutos wife is
going to make for dinner?
SOO-YI
(in Japanese with English
subtitles)
How should I know?
LI
Probably some sort of ethnic dish.
I believe the blacks call their
cuisine soul food.

12.

SOO-YI
What kind of food is soul food?
LI
I was reading an article about it
the other day. Soul food is
biscuits, and macaroni and cheese,
and bizarre parts of a pig--with
hot sauce on everything, and the
blacks wash it all down with sugary
iced tea. That woman--she is going
to make Haruto fat. You should
teach her how to make traditional
Japanese dishes.
SOO-YI
I hardly even know her. What do you
want me to do--start rolling sushi
in their kitchen? Anyways--I doubt
she makes that type of food often.
After all--she is a nutritionist.
LI
You know, I am not looking forward
to seeing her father. He strikes me
as the type of person who is always
looking to start some shit.
SOO-YI
Well. You are also always looking
to start some shit.
LI
Not the way he is always looking to
start some shit.
INT. SMALL APARTMENT (DINING AREA) - NIGHT
Haruto and Karen are sitting at the dining table.
KAREN
Alright. I think I have the dishes
thatll appease everyone. Miso
soup, quinoa and roasted pepper
chili, and mac and cheese.
HARUTO
Sounds great. Remind me again why
were doing this.

13.

KAREN
Because were, um, a married
couple. This is what married
couples do.
HARUTO
Remember the last time your parents
and my parents were in the same
room?
KAREN
Yeah. Our wedding.
HARUTO
And at that wedding, how many times
did your father ask my father to
prove that hes a legal resident of
America?
KAREN
Twice. Whats your point?
HARUTO
Your fathers racist. And there are
gonna be three Asians here with him
tonight.
KAREN
Its OK. Hell behave himself. Hes
actually a very tolerant guy, once
you get to know him.
HARUTO
Really?
KAREN
Of course not. My dad gets along
with 5% of black people, and 0.1%
of non-black people.
HARUTO
Whos the 0.1%?
KAREN
Well. There was this time my dad
said hi to our white mailman.
HARUTO
And what did he say after the
mailman left?

14.
KAREN
Um. Something about how white
mailmen steal stamps from black
people, and how the zip code 11225
is racist.
The doorbell rings. Karen walks over to the front door. She
opens it to reveal her Bea and Herm. Herm is holding a cake
box.
BEA
Baby!
Bea walks in and hugs Karen.
HERM
Hi princess.
Herm walks in and hugs Karen. He walks over to Haruto.
HERM
How you doing, Karate?
HARUTO
Uh--my names Haruto.
HERM
Haruto, Karate, Roto Rooter,
whatever.
BEA
Now Herm--dont be rude. Call the
boy by his name.
HERM
OK.
(semi-reluctantly)
Haruto.
(hands him a cake)
Heres your cake. The most
expensive one they had.
BEA
(to Haruto)
(friendly)
Its so nice to see you again,
Karate-toe.
HARUTO
Uh... Its Har...
The doorbell rings again.
Karen opens it to reveal Li and Soo-Yi.

15.

(Note: Li and Soo-Yi have very thick Japanese accents.)

Li smiles and extends his hand.
LI
Hello Karen.
Karen smiles and shakes his hand.
KAREN
Hi, Mr. Nakamura.
LI
Please--call me Li.
KAREN
OK. Li.
SOO-YI
Karen--how are you?
KAREN
Fine. Please, come on in.
SOO-YI
(hands her a bottle)
We brought you this bottle of saki.
KAREN
Oh. Thank you.
Li sees Haruto. They bow to each other. Haruto then turns to
Soo-Yi. They also bow to each other.
HERM
(quietly to Bea)
What the hell are they doing?
BEA
Theyre bowing. Its an Oriental
thing.
HERM
Well this aint the Orient. Its
Brooklyn.
HARUTO
Mother, father--you remember the
Joneses.
LI
(to Herm and Bea)
(unfriendly)
(MORE)

16.

LI (contd)
Yes. Hello.
HERM
Yeah. Origami to you, too.
LI
Origami?
HERM
Yeah. You know. Isnt that "hello"
in Oriental?
LI
Not quite. In Oriental, this is how
we say hello.
He sticks his middle finger at Herm.
HERM
(to Haruto)
Is he telling the truth?
HARUTO
I dont know. I dont speak
Oriental.
HERM
Well, I dont need to speak
Oriental to know what he said! He
wants to have a karate fight!
(to Li)
Aint that right, Nakamura!?
LI
(yells in Japanese)
HERM
What did you say about my mama?
LI
I said, I will do karate. You will
do sumo wrestling, fatso.
HERM
Who are you calling a fatso? I
weight 204 pounds of pure muscle.
LI
(yells in Japanese)

17.

HARUTO
OK! Enough! Can we just sit down
for a second and, you know, have a
few drinks, and have a normal
evening with normal conversations
featuring normal people?
HERM
Well. Ill be normal if Mr. Origami
here will be normal.
LI
Stop saying origami!
HERM
I can say origami if I want to say
origami. This is a free country.
This isnt China.
LI
Im Japanese!
HARUTO
Normal! A normal conversation!
Normal. OK?
A few seconds pass.
KAREN
So. Who wants a drink?
BEA
Ill take a shot of saki.
SOO-YI
And Ill have a bottle of whiskey.
(Cut to Later)
Everyone is seated at a table with place settings, and half
full plates of mac n cheese and/or quinoa and roasted
pepper chili.
HERM
...So, thats when I told Barack,
"I think you should go into
politics. You know. America might
not vote for a legitimate black
man--but they will vote for a half
black man like you."

18.
SOO-YI
Uh. Thats very interesting, Mr.
Jones.
HERM
Please. Call me Herm.
BEA
Herm. Youve never met Barack Obama
before.
HERM
Listen, honey. I do a lot of things
you dont know about.
BEA
I know everything you do.
HERM
You dont know half as much as you
think you do.
BEA
I know youve been watching Halle
Berry movies every day for the past
week.
KAREN
Speaking of Halle Berry, did you
know that shes biracial? As in,
her parents arent the same race.
Just like how Haruto and I arent
the same race.
HERM
Honey. You dont know what youre
talking about. Halle Berrys
parents are both legitimately
black.
KAREN
Dad. I Googled it. Halle Berrys
mother is white.
HERM
I dont know nothing about no
Google, or Facebook, or dot coms. I
didnt get to where I am today by
listening to some internets.
LI
Exactly. You got to where you are
today by listening to the ignorance
in your head!

19.
HERM
Thats it, Mr. Origami! Its karate
time!
HARUTO
No karate! OK?
(to Li)
Dad--stop starting stuff. Lets
just, uh,
(to Herm)
Mr. Jones--go ahead and tell us
more about how you advised Obama to
run for President.
HERM
What--you dont believe me?
HARUTO
I believe you.
HERM
It sounds like you dont believe
me. Admit it, karaoke. You want to
call me the n-word.
KAREN
Dad--stop trying to start a race
war. OK? And my husbands name
isnt karaoke. Its Haruto.
HERM
Well in English, karaoke and Haruto
are both the same word.
SOO-YI
Uh. Karen--this is delicious.
Whats in it?
KAREN
Its mostly peppers, zucchini,
beans, tomatoes, and quinoa.
HERM
Quino-what?
KAREN
Quinoa.
HERM
That doesnt sound too good. Sounds
like the name of those feathers
that Indians put in their hair. Im
not down with all that quinoa
nonsense.

20.

BEA
Herm. You already ate a whole plate
of that quinoa nonsense.
HERM
That was when I thought it was
normal food, and not Indian
headwear.
INT. KAREN AND HARUTOS APARTMENT (LIVING ROOM) - NIGHT
Haruto, Karen, Harm, Bea, Soo-Yi, and Li are seated at a
table with poker chips.
KAREN
Dad. Why are we playing poker?
HERM
Because this is the Asia-Africa
Olympics--and the event is Texas
Hold em. Oh. By the way. I got
some news.
BEA
What news? I dont know about any
news.
HERM
Exactly. I told you that there are
a lot of things that you dont know
about me.
(to Everyone)
Now, heres the news. As you know,
the same company owns my building
and your building. And Ive done so
many good repairs in my building,
that theyve hired me to come to
this building from time to time and
do some repairs.
KAREN
Oh. Thats great. Congratulations,
dad.
HARUTO
Yeah. Thats great. Ive heard
youre really handy. You know,
were actually having a problem
with our toilet...

21.
HERM
Yeah--I dont start work here until
next week. In the meantime, just
use some Roto Rooter. Just like
your name.
HARUTO
Once again--my name is Haruto. Not
Roto Rooter.
HERM
Thats why I named my daughter
Karen. You cant confuse that name
with a plumbing product.
(to Karen)
Now, Karen. deal the cards.
Karen starts dealing two cards face down to everyone.
HERM
Let me ask you something, Mahuto.
Did you vote for Obama?
HARUTO
No. I dont vote.
HERM
You dont vote for black people?
HARUTO
I dont vote, period.
HERM
Right. Because youre an illegal
immigrant.
KAREN
Lets change the subject.
HARUTO
I have a good one. Whats the deal
with white mailmen?
HERM
The deal is, they steal stamps from
black people.
HARUTO
Yeah. Ive heard.
(Later)
Karen, Bea, and Soo-Yi, and are now watching TV, while
Haruto, Herm, and Li continue to play poker.

22.

SOO-YI
That was an excellent meal, Karen.
Ive never had mac and cheese
before.
KAREN
Im glad you like it. Its my
fathers favorite food.
BEA
Yeah. Herm has it twice a week. On
Tuesdays with me, and on Fridays
with Obama.
Back at the poker table, each player has two face down
cards, and there are four community cards on the table.
HERM
Im glad the lady-folk have taken
to watching TV. Poker is a mans
game. Aint that right, Mahoto?
Haruto puts some chips in the pot.
HARUTO
Fifty cents.
Li folds.
Herm puts in some chips.
HERM
Raise to two dollars.
Haruto puts in some chips.
HARUTO
Raise to five dollars.
Herm puts in some chips.
HERM
I call.
Herm deals one more community card. He then puts a lot of
his chips into the pot.
HERM
Ten.
HARUTO
I call.

23.

HERM
... I got nothing.
HARUTO
A pair of Jacks.
HERM
Whyd you call me? Because Im
black?
HARUTO
No. Because you were bluffing.
HERM
OK. Ill give you that one. But you
better watch it from now on.
LI
I think Africa is losing the
Olympics.
(Later)
Theyre playing a new hand. There are five community cards
on the table, and Harm and Haruto each have two face down
hole cards.
HERM
I check.
Haruto puts some chips in the pot.
HARUTO
Eight.
HERM
I call.
HARUTO
... Good call. I got nothing.
HERM
I knew you were bluffing. I could
see it in your eyes. I had to look
really hard, since your eyes are
Oriental--but I saw the bluff in
them.
HARUTO
Um. OK.
Herm flips over his hand.

24.

HERM
Pair of tens. Score one for Africa.
(calls over to Bea)
Honey--go start the car. Im gonna
take all of Hakunas money in the
next hand, and then you and me are
gonna take off.
KAREN
Daddy--his name is Haruto, not
Hakuna! Hes not a Disney
character.
HERM
Honey. This is the Asia-Africa
Olympics. Why are you playing for
the Asian team?
KAREN
This isnt the Asia-Africa
Olympics! There are no teams, and
no races! Its just a married
couple and their four parents
having dinner, and watching TV, and
playing poker.
HERM
Honey. Im just
Tucker is still
makes $80,000 a
still black--so
dating him?

saying. Jerry
single, he still
year, and hes
how come youre not

KAREN
Oh--I dont know. Probably because
Im married to the man I love.
BEA
Thats a good reason, honey.
HERM
Thats not a good reason.
SOO-YI
How is it not a good reason?
HERM
Oh. Now youre arguing with me? I
thought Asian women werent so
confrontational.

25.

LI
You thought wrong.
HERM
Let me ask you something. Dont you
agree with me that my daughter
should be married to a black man,
and Mento should be married to a
Chinese woman?
LI
My son is Japanese. And his name is
Haruto--not Mento. Hes not a
breath mint.
HERM
You get my point. Dont you prefer
to have Japanese people marry other
Japanese people?
LI
It doesnt matter what I prefer.
HERM
Because you agree with me.
KAREN
Dad. Look. I get where youre
coming from with all of this.
HARUTO
You do?
KAREN
Yes.
(to Herm)
Daddy. I really appreciate how you
want me to be with the right guy.
Its great that you want that, and
youre willing to insult an entire
race of people repeatedly because
you care so much.
HARUTO
I dont know if its that great,
Karen.
KAREN
It is great. Its great, honey.
HARUTO
Fine. Its great.

26.
KAREN
(to Herm)
Daddy--we appreciate having you
here, and we appreciate what youre
doing. But the thing is, Haruto and
I are a happily married couple, and
hes the right guy for me, and Im
the right girl for him--and
thatwhy theres no Asia-Africa
Olympics taking place here.
HERM
... Fine, honey. OK. I hear you.
KAREN
Really?
HERM
Really. And all Im saying is
that Jerry Watson is still in love
with you, he still drives a
Cadillac, and hes still
legitimately black--so after you
divorce Ching Chong here...
LI
My son is not Ching Chong!
HERM
OK! The poker games over! The
Asia-Africa Olympics, event number
two: karate! Lets do this.
(to Bea)
Honey. Go downstairs and start the
car. Ill get in after the fight.
LI
(yells in Japanese)
He does some "karate shodowboxing."
HERM
That aint nothing. I boxed 15
rounds with Mike Tyson back in 93.
LI
Yes. You, Mike Tyson, and Barack
Obama are best friends.
HERM
(to Bea)
Honey--go start the car!
(Later)

27.

Haruto and Karen are clearing the table. Everyone else is

gone.
HARUTO
So. I thought that went well.
KAREN
Yeah. I mean, the karate fight only
went on for one round. My father
usually fights Orientals for 15
rounds.
HARUTO
You know. Youre beginning to sound
a little like your father.
KAREN
Honey--Im just saying. Maybe I
should call up my boyfriend Jerry
Watson.
HARUTO
How about you bring him down here,
and I have a karate fight with him?
KAREN
You know, in all seriousness, I
think my fathers warming up to you
and your family.
HARUTO
Really?
KAREN
Yeah. I mean, in a certain sense.
HARUTO
In what certain sense?
KAREN
You know. I mean, it was almost
like he wanted to tell you,
(in Harms voice)
"As far as Orientals go, yall
three are alright. I mean, I still
want to kick your ass, Roto Rooter.
But I dont hate you that much."
HARUTO
Wow. You really think he was
thinking that?

28.

KAREN
Yeah.
HARUTO
Great. Im on my way to being your
dads favorite Oriental.
INT. INTERNET COMPANY CAFETERIA - DAY
Haruto and Tim are seated at a table and eating lunch.
TIM
So how did dinner go last night?
HARUTO
Pretty good. Except for how my
father-in-law called me Roto
Rooter, and later, a war broke out
between Africa and Asia.
Jack walks over to their table and sits down.
TIM
(to Haruto)
Roto Rooter?
JACK
(to Haruto?)
What? Did someone call you Roto
Rooter instead of Haruto?
HARUTO
How did you guess?
JACK
Well. Not to sound racist or
anything, but they do sound a
little similar. So when I heard Tim
say Roto Rooter to you as a
question, I deduced that you told
him how someone called you Roto
Rooter.
HARUTO
Thats, um... some pretty good
deducing that you did.
JACK
Who called you Roto Rooter?

29.

HARUTO
My father-in-law.
JACK
Oh. Yeah. Right. You had them over
for dinner. How did that go?
HARUTO
Well. Ill give you a clue. My
father-in-law called me Roto
Rooter.
JACK
Well. My ex-wifes father calls me
Jack the Jackass.
HARUTO
Hes your ex father in law. Herm is
current my father in law.
JACK
Right. But when I was married, my
father-in-law called me Jack the
Jackoff.
TIM
Is that why you got divorced?
JACK
Yeah. Well, that and I told my
wife, Get the hell away from me,
you psycho. I want a divorce."
HARUTO
Well. Im not planning to divorce
Karen anytime soon. And apparently,
her fathers gonna be spending a
lot more time around us, now that
hes the new co-manager of our
apartment building.
TIM
Oh. Well. You know. Youll figure
out how to deal with him.
JACK
Or, youll get a divorce, and your
father-in-law will go from calling
you Roto Rooter, to calling you
Haruto the Jackoff.