Have It All Woman Ebook

The
Have It All
2nd E d i t i o n
A Pra c t i c a l G u i d e t o A c h i e v e i n g B a l a n c e ,
Abun d a n c e a n d t h e L i f e o f Y o u r D r e a m s
Susan Sly
For ward by Bestselling Author A n d re a Fr a n k H e n k a r t
D e di c a t i o n &
Ac k n ow l e d g m e n t s
Everything we do should be a result of our gratitude
for what God has done for us.
The Have It All Woman
Written by Susan Sly
Lauryn Hill
Published by Sound Concepts

www.susanslybooks.com
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by
any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any other information
storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.
Copyright 2010 by Sound Concepts
All rights reserved
ISBN 978-0-9737317-3-6
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Sly, Susan, 1972The have it all woman : a practical guide to achieving balance,
abundance and the life of your dreams / Susan Sly.
Includes
ISBN 978-0-9737317-3-6
1. Women--Conduct of life. 2. Self-realization in women.
I. Title.
HQ1221.S59 2008
158.1082
C2007-906821-9
Manufactured and Printed in The USA
I gratefully dedicate this book to God, my family and Have It All Women
everywhere. Chris you are my rock, my angel and the ever-present reminder that
dreams do come true. Avery, Sarai and AJthank you for blessing my life. I am
honored to be your mother. Thank you also to my Dad for Sunday afternoon
football, quests for giant pumpkins and teaching me that whatever I wanted was
possible. Thank you to my mother for giving me the gift of faith.
This book is also dedicated to my late grandmothers Agnes and Lois. You were,
and continue to be, forces to be reckoned with. Thank you to my aunts Gloria,
Valerie, Alice, Ruth, Mae, Dianne, Pauline and Verna. You taught me how to be
focused, dedicated and do it all with style.
Thank you to the many wonderful people who inspired me to write this book.
Thank you to Dr. Tony ODonnell for his many encouraging words. Thank you
to Jack Canfield and Dr. John Gray for endorsing the book and my publisher,
Sound Concepts, for embracing every new idea I have.
Lastly, this book is dedicated to fabulous women everywheremay we inspire
one another always.
Tab l e o f C o n t e n t s
Foreword................................................................................................................i
Have It All Life Pyramid......................................................................................iv
Introduction..........................................................................................................v
Chapter One
Can Women Truly Have It All?............................................................................1
Chapter Two
Creating a Clearing in Your Life........................................................................35
Chapter Three
Your Have It All Life Pyramid............................................................................56
Other Books and Media by Susan Sly
Inspired to Win in MLM
MLM Woman with Suzan Hart
Audio Programs
Step Into Your Power
The Power to Be Rich Now
Susan Slys Marketing Boot Camp
Goal Getting Mastery
Available at www.stepintoyourpower.com and www.susanslybooks.com
Follow Susan on Facebook and Twitter@susan_sly
Join Susans mailing list at www.stepintoyourpower.com for weekly inspiration, motivation and
personal mastery.
Chapter Four
The Have It All Womans Guide to Optimal Health........................................87
Chapter Five
Creating Have It All Relationships...................................................................133
Chapter Six
The Have It All Womans Guide to Money.....................................................188
Chapter Seven
The Have It All Guide To Creating an Extraordinary Life..............................227
F O R EWO R D
by Andrea Frank Henkart
Women are like teabags.

We dont know our true strength
until we are in hot water!
Eleanor Roosevelt
In this age of technology and telecommuting, fast food and the fast lane,
balancing work and family remain a major challenge. Is it any wonder that
women everywhere ask, Wheres the instruction manual?!
As we try to find balance, our own needs and desires often fall by the wayside.
If we ignore our health and well-being, we may lose our ability to efficiently cope
with the everyday ups and downs. On the other hand, if we focus on our own
dreams, goals, desires and needs, or if we dare put ourselves first, we are often
considered selfish. This can lead to misunderstandings, overwhelm and a rapid
breakdown in communication with family, friends and colleagues.
As a wife and the mother of two beautiful, grown children, and the author of
seven books on childbirth, health and wellness for the family, and communication
skills for parents and kids, I know what overwhelm looks like firsthand. I am
an entrepreneur; I own two businesses and run an extremely successful network
marketing business. As an international inspirational speaker, I have worked
with over 11,000 teens and their parents around the globe. I do my best to
practice what I preach, but it has not always been easy.
Along the way, I discovered that when life gets stressful, I always have a choice.
I can choose to empower myself and transform my own reality by changing my
actions and my thoughts. By focusing on the good things in life, I can literally
switch a negative attitude to a positive one. This one particular action creates an
i
opportunity to change how I approach each day. It becomes even easier when I
live every day with awareness, appreciation and gratitude.
So, how do we find creative ways to feed our souls and nurture our own bodies?
To paraphrase my friend and fellow author, Susan Sly, once you decide who you
are and what you want, and are prepared to put in the effort to get there, the
possibilities become endless. If you choose to succeed, if you want to make a
positive and significant impact on others, if you want to be extraordinary, then
this book is for you. It will change your life in ways you never dreamed possible.
It certainly changed mine.
own self is truly inspiring. Because of who she is and how she lives her life, her
wisdom, strength, compassion and vulnerability have inspired me. Therefore, it
is with great joy that I invite you, the reader, to step into your power, make an
impact on your world and become what you were destined to bea Have It All
Woman!
Andrea Frank Henkart
Marin County, CA
www.coolcommunication.com
Andrea is a bestselling author who has appeared on Oprah and many other
syndicated television programs.
Susan wants every woman to know that we are in process and that whatever
we desire to have or be is out there waiting for us to claim. In this book, she
provides us with seven inspiring chapters filled with anecdotes, principles and
exercises that help guide us toward our desired goals. Susan is dedicated to
helping women define and identify their raison detre. It is indeed a journey
that begins with identifying who we are, then prioritizing our lives, including
our health, and making ourselves available to receive all that is available to us.
Susan has a story to tell. It is a story about her, and a story about you and me.
It is a story written by one woman for all women who are willing to invest the
time and effort to learn, grow, and empower themselves in the process. In this
book, as in life, Susan is candid, vulnerable, uplifting and encouraging. Writing
from her own experience of challenge and triumph, she challenges her readers
to go for their dreams. She wants women to know they can have it all; that they
canin their own way and while maintaining their own identitybe true Have
It All Women.
I have had the joyous pleasure of spending time with Susan and her beautiful
family. Her commitment to her children, her husband, her friends, and her
ii
iii
HAVe It All lIFe Pyramid
Chapters 1-4
Health, Faith & love
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Business & Finanace
giving Back
Chapter 7
Fun
Relationships
iv
Th e H av e I t A l l W o m a n
I n t r o du c t i o n
From now on I am going to own myself and be true to
myself. I no longer want to live someone elses idea of
what and who I should be. I am going to be me!
Diana, Princess of Wales
rowing up I was that gawky girl that no one liked. I was fat, had bucked
teeth, and had dark skin in a town where hardly anyone else did. My
parents were divorced in a time that no ones parents were and I was
consistently dressed in clothes from the secondhand store. When I lived with
my mother we were very poor. For religious reasons, she wouldnt allow me to
wear jeans like the other girls and all of my bargain-shop dresses were the brunt
of constant jokes at school.
When I went to live with my Dad I felt inept, even in my own family. My cousins
were lean and gorgeous. My aunts were sleek and beautiful. I was the odd one.
Many times I overheard conversations where someone in my family would be
discussing my weight problem. I would cry knowing that I wasnt good enough
for my own family.
I remember once, at the age of ten, punching myself in the stomach repeatedly
and yelling at the girl in the mirror, I hate you, over and over again. The fat
didnt go away, only the red fist marks remained. It felt good to inflict pain,
so this became my ritual, standing in front of the mirror and punching myself
twenty-five times every day. I hated me.
In the daytime I was bullied at school. I was called nigger and chinky,
chinky China man. There were other names as well loser, Bubba, and
fatso. Many nights I lay awake praying to die. I do not know if my dad or my
grandmother knew how much emotional pain I was in. In our family, we did not
talk about our feelings, we went to work.
Growing up, my favorite book was The Ugly Duckling. I knew exactly how that
duckling felt. My fat hung out of my skating and gymnastics suits. People teased
me. I was never good enough. Just like the ugly duckling, I wanted to go away
from the world that reminded me on a daily basis of all that I was not. At night
I prayed to God that someday I would become a swan.
My transformation didnt happen magically like it does in fairy tales. There was
no fairy godmother to wave a magic wand. It took decades to get comfortable
in my own skin. It took dedication and determination. I had to be willing to do
what others would not, including exercise, eating healthy and working on me.
This book is my version of a fairy godmother. These are just some of the
lessons I learned on the journey, a journey which continues on to this day.
Sometimes I still see the gawky, overweight girl in the mirror. I embrace her
because through her eyes I take nothing for granted. In reading this book and
going through the exercises, I pray that you will find the answers you seek for
personal transformation.
On the media tour to promote the initial release of the draft copy of this book,
I was asked repeatedly if women can truly have it all. My answer was always
yes, the reason being that, as women, we want different thingssome material,
some spiritual and some physical. To have it all means that we feel fulfilled in
our health, our relationships, our finances and our contribution.
vi
When the book was first released I was doing a promotional event with Mark
Victor Hansen, co-author of the New York Times bestselling book series Chicken
Soup for the Soul. A girl with black hair, black fingernails, dark eye makeup
and multiple piercings came up to the table to buy a copy of The Have It All
Woman. She didnt speak; she simply purchased the book and walked away. The
next morning a fresh faced, smiling girl approached the table. She said, You
probably dont remember me, and truthfully I didnt at first but on further
inspection found her to be the same goth-looking girl from the previous evening.
She said, I stayed up and read your book all night. I had been planning to
kill myself and now I intend to live. We both welled up with tears and in that
moment I realized that the time spent writing this book was absolutely worth it.
One young girl had decided to live.
Today the draft copy of The Have It All Woman book is in libraries all over
North America. It has been read by women in shelters and even World Vision
staff in Cambodia. My inspiration is to help women see the beauty that lies
within all of us and spread the message of hope all over the world.
Sometimes it feels overwhelming to even think about where we can be versus
where we are in our lives right now. You may also feel like the Ugly Duckling;
however, I know you are a beautiful swan.
I have been working with women for years and if I could wave a magic wand to
help you get to the next level in your life, I would. The truth is that the journey
to become a Have It All Woman is where the true success lies; it is the journey of
self-discovery. We need not look elsewhere for the answers; they are all within. I
wish you every joy and happiness on your own personal quest for betterment in all
areas of your life. You are already on the path to becoming a Have It All Woman.
One thing I know for certain is this: you have unrealized gifts within. I know
that you were put on this Earth to play big and contribute in a major way. I know
that your bright shining light can be a gift to the world. I believe in you.
vii
Receive the Best Experience from this Book

There are specific exercises to complete in every chapter of this book. To really
receive the most incredible transformation I encourage you to stop and do every
individual exercise. Many women feel completely overwhelmed in one or more
aspects of their lives and it is easy to gloss over something, including those
things that might prove highly effective. When you come to an exercise, stop,
breathe and take time to complete it from start to finish.
Many readers have emailed letting us know about the wonderful changes that
have occurred by filling in the worksheets. Men have even written to me sharing
how this book has helped enhance communication in relationships and even
assist them in greater understanding of the important women in their lives.
These exercises are helpingmany women and men create a richer and more
blissful life. Take time to savor this book like a fine wine and do each and every
exercise. In doing this you will be well on your way to going from overwhelmed
to overjoyed in 90 days and being a true Have it All Woman.
Chap t e r O n e
Ca n W o m e n Tru l y
H av e I t A l l ?
You only see the glory, you dont know the story.
Natalie Cole
ave you ever wondered how some women seem to have it all? They look
great, have super self-esteem, they always look put-together and seem
to flow through life with ease? Do you admire them or feel terribly
inadequate in their presence? Have you ever questioned whether or not you,
too, could be one of these Have It All Women and have the life you dream of?
I grew up with the ultimate Have It All Woman, my grandmother, Agnes. She
was beautiful and intelligent. She was a business owner, a philanthropist and a
lady. Popo, as we called her, was our version of a Chinese Queen Elizabeth.
We loved and revered her. She was wise in all situations and seemingly
unflappable. Of the many fantastic women in my life, my grandmother had
the greatest influence. She was the inspiration for starting the Have It All
Womens Weekends as she was the co-founder of one of the first womens
networking groups in all of Canada. My grandmother had a passion for
empowering women.
Over the years, I encountered many smart, engaging and seemingly magnificent
women, and began to judge myself in their presence. The truth was, if a woman
viii
was self-assured, well put-together, confident and powerful, she scared me. This
type of woman intimidated me to no end.
was not just in my mind. Today I have found so much peace in knowing that she
is in my life for a purpose and has given me many gifts.
It was during an employee evaluation one dayyou know the kind where your
boss sits down with you and has a laundry list of items for you to improve
onthat I received a major shock. My boss, Karen, told me that I intimidated
her. I had been expecting Karen to berate my tardiness or take a microscopic
view of my customer-care approach, but instead, she came out with the word
intimidate. How could this be? Me, intimidating?
My dad taught me some of the most important lessons of my life. He taught me

to be spontaneous and to create opportunities. He taught me to be prepared for
any situation life had to offer. For example, he taught me to drive a stick shift,
because he explained that both tractors and race cars require manual shifting.
He also taught me that as long as I had skills I would never be without a job.
Therefore, by the age of fourteen, I was an experienced telemarketer, dishwasher,
bus girl, cashier and typist.
Over time I have been called a variety of things: loving, the pit-bull in lipstick,
beautiful, angry, peaceful, tough, powerful, compassionate, genuine, honest,
emotional, aggressive, competitive, diplomatic, a leader, a follower, a procrastinator,
fat, thin, ugly, dark, light, tall, short, round, pudgy, and the list goes on and on.
Yes, I have even been called a bitch. So there you have it, I either have multiple
personalities, or, I am a cross-section of just about every woman on the planet.
I do come from a mixed background. We have Chinese, English, Scottish,
Spanish and apparently West Indian and Viking blood. The latter would explain
the aggressive part. I was raised in a Buddhist, Jewish, Christian household.
When it comes to religion, I believe in God and that faith has been my guiding
light. When it comes to religion I have also learned that seven is not the ideal
age to drive your friends mothers car at the biggest tent revival on the East
Coast, especially when you drive it into the tent.
I was raised by my dad and the aforementioned matriarch of our family, my
Popo. When I was three years old, my mother kidnapped me in her effort to
assume parental responsibility for me. That attempt at parenting, however,
lacked continuity because of her struggles with addictions. For years I was
confused about my relationship with my mother, like so many women are. In
2009 I received a call from a doctor who was treating her and, after 36 years, was
told that my mother is schizophrenic and has borderline personality disorder. I
cannot begin to explain what a relief it was to find out that her unusual behavior
In my teensyears before the fateful employee evaluationI encountered a true

Have It All Woman in my friends mother. This gal was absolutely amazing. She was
gorgeous, funny, smart, and best of all, took care of herself. It was not uncommon
when visiting at my friends house after school to find her exercising on the rebounder
in the backyard. This woman became my parenting gold standard.
I have met other Have It All Women over the years. There was J*, who owned
my health club before I bought it. She was forty, gorgeous, sexy, powerful,
compassionate and absolutely self-confident.
Then there was Susan, a powerful entrepreneur, who, at five feet tall was a force
to be reckoned with. Susan wasnt slim, nor was she your typical American
beauty. She was a Have It All Woman by virtue of the fact that she loved herself
and demonstrated that she was comfortable in her own skin. She set goals
around fitness and not thinness. She challenged her mind. Best of all, Susan was
committed to assisting women with becoming more powerful. What a woman.
Yes, I know hundreds of Have It All Women and I am sure you do too. They
come in all shapes and sizes. They are dark and light, blond and brunette. Some
have children and some are childless by choice. Others have partners or are single
by choice. They have arguments with their lovers because they are passionate
about what they believe and, yes, to the untrained eye they can be intimidating.
The truth is that we are simply a starting point in the process of expressing
who we are on the outside. The true Have It All Woman can have any body
type, any religion, any skin tone or genetic makeup. She can be wealthy or she
can be in the process of creating financial peace. She can be a mom, single, in
a relationship, working, unemployed, a business owner or just about anything
under the sun. The true Have It All Woman is unique, and what sets her apart
is her ability to love herself.
The Have It All Woman can have challenges with her colleagues, may doubt
her contribution to society, have bad hair days, question her ability to do
anything, have PMS, be in menopause, be beyond menopause, and sometimes
feel frustrated, but she never dwells on it and even during those wall-kicking
moments that can last the entire day, she gets up the next day and refocuses
on her mission. The Have It All Woman desires more in her life. She not only
wants more for herself; she possesses a strong desire to help others. This woman
is everywhere. She is your sister, your girlfriend, your mother, your daughter,
your niece, your aunt, and yes, she could even be you.
One of the inspirations for writing this book came from Angie, a recent graduate
of the Have It All Womans weekend seminar, a 3-day life-changing event where
women literally step into their own power. Angie called me and said, Susan,
you may feel that a lot of what we are learning from you is common sense, yet
for so many women it is absolutely the first time they are hearing it. I decided
then and there that common sense, first time, second time, third time or one
hundredth time in the form of a book could empower women to achieve higher
levels of personal power, and was definitely something that was needed. So I
decided to write this book.
For years I have wanted to write a book for women on how to be simply the best
they can be. I traveled and I taught. I was a student and I was a trainer. I met so
many exceptional women who were making an impact. I thought about these
women and their journey. I thought about what set them apart.
As I did seminars and grew a business I also grew as a person. I am not the same woman
I was ten years ago or even ten days ago. In my quest to be the best I could and can be
and have fulfillment in my life every day, I realized that we are all Have It All Women.
We can have everything we want despite the fact that our wants are so different. We
can live without guilt, self-pity and rejection. We can live extraordinary lives.
These are some of the thoughts that inspired me to present you with this book.
Not only do I encourage you to read this one; I also suggest you read every other
volume out there dedicated to helping women achieve this Have It All state.
I am often asked where the concept of Have It All came from. The name of
the book came to me at two in the morning. I rushed to my office to register
the domain name and do a search for the title. A thought briefly crossed my
mind: Who am I to write a book called the Have It All Woman? I sat with this
for several moments and then the joy that comes when you know you are on
the right path completely overwhelmed me. I envisioned that this book would
greatly impact the lives of millions of women on the planet, heal old wounds,
empower women to live an authentic life, and help us become better partners,
mothers, grandmothers, aunt and sisterswomen just like you.
This book is written by a woman, for women, to inspire them to create change.
It is also a book where women can laugh along with other women like my friend,
Sharon, one of the most successful realtors in Canada, when she discovers a
conspicuous black hair growing out of her chin. I decided this would also be
a book about the spirit of a woman, like my friend, Kim, who has completely
stepped into her own power. This is the book for every woman everywhere.
Truthfully, the path to Having It All never takes us to a destination; it is the road
of our life and a journey I openly take every moment of every day. I am not an
expert, but \I have lived these lessons and overcome many challenges which I hope
will inspire you to do the same. I have had many bad hair days and wall-kicking
moments just like you. I have, however, learned a few things along this journey
about love, faith, health, money, friendship, perseverance and the beauty of the
human spirit that I want to share with you. Together we can be that woman with
the sparkle in her eye, who possesses the confidence and the strength to persevere
especially when she doesnt even realize how strong she truly is.
This book is about a journey. There are strategies, stories, exercises and more
to assist you. You may need to read a chapter again, or spend more time on a
particular area, and that is all right. This is your book and you are the author of
your own success story. No matter where you are you can begin a new chapter.
The goal of the Have It All Woman is to go out every day pursuing personal
excellence. In doing so she becomes a better mother, partner, friend, lover,
daughter and human being. When things dont go our way, the goal of the Have
It All Woman is to laugh alongside her sisters.
We All Want the Same Things

Do the best you can in every task, no matter how unimportant it may
seem at the time. No one learns more about a problem than the person at
the bottom.
Sandra Day OConnor Judge
At the Have It All Womans Weekend retreats we create a clearing for women to
step out of competition and step into collaboration. The women form teams and are
encouraged to call one another sisters over the course of the event. Many lifelong
friendships have been formed. When women can stop judging one another and
learn to support and love each other freely, amazing things can happen.
As I travel from Hong Kong to California, from Europe to New York, Toronto, and
to all other places around the world, the plight of women is the same. No matter
what happens, we will always be harder on ourselves than on anyone else. We will
judge, criticize, put down, loathe and even harm ourselves in ways that are more
extreme than what most people could do to us. Even worse, we do it to one another.
What Does it Mean to be a Have It All Woman?

by Erica Combs, Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker and T.U.A. Gal
(go to the chapter on relationships to find out what T.U.A. means)
A Have It All Woman knows that she not only has the ability to live her desires,
but absolutely has the ability to design her reality. She understands that the key
to creating this experience is defining what it means to have it all. She allows
herself the time for introspection and connects with her emotions, dreams
and goals frequently, knowing that her connection to her mind, body and
spirit will ultimately pave the path on her journey through life. She has a clear
understanding of her desires and what is required of her to achieve those goals.
Once committed to a course of action, a Have It All Woman may swerve to
one side or another to avoid an obstacle in her path, but she never veers off
course. She pursues her desires with determination, but also a sense of peace for
where she is in the process of her journey. She creates time to fulfill her internal
emotional requirements, understanding that she has the power to create her
own emotional stability and sense of acceptance. She learns to look within for
the love she seeks because this self-love will allow her achievements and praise
from others to reverberate with a richness that can only be felt in the spirit of a
woman balanced in her mind, body and spirit.
Her power lies in her ability to receive wisdom and insight from every situation
and experience, and to continuously transform and reinvent herself with
magnificent resilience, responding to life with grace and equanimity. She is
forgiving of others, but most importantly, forgives herself as she learns how
to maintain this sense of peace through repetition and experience, knowing
that it is not possible to maintain perfect harmony and balance both within
and without. She focuses on creating consistent empowering habits rather than
insisting she perform in constant perfection. A Have It All Woman learns to
experience life with ease and grace. She knows when to let go of the human
doing and simply be her own human being.
Erica Combs
www.womeninpower.com
This theme will be repeated throughout the book. We are all the same. Our skin
color, finances, relationships, likes and dislikes may be different, and at our core
we are strikingly similar.
that there are still couples out there where the household work isnt equal is
not shocking as statistics still support the fact that women do the majority of
childcare and household work even if they have a fulltime job.
I was blessed to participate in an event in Hong Kong where the majority of the
participants did not speak English. When asked what they wanted in life, all the
women said better health, financial freedom, more time with their families, and
security. The same question asked in the United States, Australia, The U.K.,
Africa, Cambodia and Canada yields the same result.
The Have It All Woman openly communicates her frustrations even if it means that
the message will not be well received. She honors her family by honoring herself.
She doesnt bite back her anger only to suppress it, which in turn raises cortisol, a
hormone that can cause weight gain. No, the Have It All Woman uses the strategies
in this book to create a clearing where everyone wins and she feels appreciated.
Having taught tens of thousands of women, I can tell you this much: we are
repeating the cycle of this unique predicament time and time again. Although in
many parts of the world women have more advantages, the reality is that women
still make less money than men, and we struggle with a high level of guilt. The
number of women leaving the workforce to raise their families is at a record high.
Women often make a choice to be with their children or to work. During my

travels across Cambodia I found many women who had to leave their children
in the care of a relative so they could go and work in the city. In North America
we often leave our children in the care of someone else so we can go to work.
My question is, why cant we have it all? Why do we have to choose? Could
there be a way to have more peace, love, support, abundance and flow in our
lives, and live in a world free of self-judgment and guilt? What if we can truly
have it all?
I was being interviewed by Forbes Magazine online during the peak of the
recession. I was actually in the airport in London at the time. The interviewer
was writing a piece on how the recession had deeply affected households as
there was now a proliferation of families where the father had been laid off
and the mother was still employed. While the unemployed man was making
it is daily focus to find employment and leaving the majority of the household
work to his wife, the woman was still working, buying the groceries, cleaning,
transporting kids and dealing with the day-to-day life of a family. Women were
now bitter, angry and frustrated. The interviewer wanted to know what advice
I would give.
As I shared some Have It All wisdom, I thought very deeply about how far and
how little we have come as women. In the year 2009, women were still being
burdened with traditional roles and yet still expected to have a career, look
fantastic, keep their nails done, their hair coiffed, have the butt of a 20 year
old and somehow be the Do It All Woman. I am not saying that all men are
like thismany, including my husband, are tremendously supportive. To think
If you look at your life right now, and I mean really take a good honest look,
what are your truths? Are your relationships fulfilling? Do you feel healthy? Do
you feel financially sound? Are you feeling peace in your life? In all honesty, no
matter how powerful we feel, there are ongoing areas where we want to grow. If
you are not yet feeling like a Have It All Woman, do not worry: wherever you are
at right now is perfectit is a wonderful place to start.
Be a Ten Percenter
Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned
that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke.
Thats their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.
Gloria Steinem
As women, we innately gravitate to new projects at different times of the year.

January and September are big months for ustimes we associate with new
projects, self-improvement, the desire to get healthy, improve our finances and
enhance our relationships. Our connection to these two times often is associated
with a deep-rooted connection to childhood, where autumn and early January
days are associated with going back to school, making new friends or seeing old
ones, and establishing a new routine.
If you think about it, by the time we graduate high school we have spent
approximately 2340 days in school. That is a great deal of conditioning. If
you went to university or grad school, then that number increases. I have an
acquaintance from school who, at age 39, just finished law school, making
him somewhat of a career scholar. One could suppose that at least a good two
decades of our lives are spent being told what to do and where to be; add work
or a career to that and it is easy to understand why we are conditioned to be told
what to do.
As adults we suddenly become free to make some of our own decisionsafter all,
Mom isnt telling us to finish our peasand many fall into the trap of waiting
for someone else to tell us what to do. This is why we now associate personal
trainers with getting fit; who is disciplined enough to do it alone? We hire
relationship coaches to fix us. We have professionals to manage our money.
We read self-help books for guidance. We start projects and dont finish them
because we are waiting for someone to tell us what to do. It begs the question:
are we just giant co-dependents?
When I worked in the health club industry, September and January always
brought an insurgence of people purchasing memberships and hiring personal
trainers. Statistically, those with a trainer were 90% more likely to use their gym
membership. Those without a trainer averaged 3 visits per monthnot enough
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to get lean on. Yup, you heard me: 3, or only 10% of the month! Why is this? In
general, even though we are conditioned otherwise, most people are waiting for
Mrs. Johnson from grade 1 to show up and tell them to get their coat and boots
on and head out to recess and then, when she doesnt show up, we stand there
like lost little orphans not knowing what to do.
Under the guise of self-improvement we continue to start new things like diets,
taking classes, reading personal development and starting businesses. I once
read that only 10% of people ever finish a book to completion; that speaks
volumes right there. Another statistic shows that only 10% of network marketing
companies remain after one year in business. Another statistic still shows that
only about 10% of Americans make over $100,000/year. What is it with this
10% thing anyway? The reality is that although many are great starters, only 10%
are finishers.
As you read this book, I want you to ask yourself this question: am I a ten
percenter or a ninety percenter? I know that you are equipped to do more in
your life. It will require discipline to achieve the better body, the more fulfilling
relationships and the financial freedom and only ten percenters have the kind
of discipline it takes to get to the next level or finish this book for that matter.
My other question is this: one year from today do you want to be in the same
place physically, financially or in your relationships, or do you want to move
forward? Our innate human desire is to move forward and make progress, but
without the right determination and habits we will not get far.
Unfortunately when we commit to improving ourselves others will often try
to drag us into the deluge of their incomprehensible lives. I have seen many
women, so full of potential and going for their dreams, allow themselves to be
stopped by the criticism of others. Deciding to be a ten percenter means that
you will have to surround yourself with at least one or two people who openly
support your decisions.
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The truth is that some of the people I called friends many years ago are not my
friends now. There is nothing wrong with them; they are perfect as they are.
It is that their lack of understanding in some of my decisions, including my
decision to be an entrepreneur and eschew the supposed financial security of a
job, was wrought with a lack of support. In deciding to be a ten percenter, I had
to surround myself with ten percent people.
I believe that you are a Have It All Woman and you can be a ten percenter.
You can be in an entirely different place physically, financially, spiritually and
in any and every aspect of your life one year from today is you embrace the
work and commit. With that in mind I want you to take a moment and do
the following exercise.
Have It All Woman Empowerment Exercise A Letter to Myself

Write a letter to yourself and date it one year from today. In the letter describe
how your life is next year as though it has already happened. Include your health,
your relationships and your finances. Do not leave out one detail.
Your Auditory Filter

I know many beautiful people and their lives are just so terrible. They
feel so uncomfortable with themselves. Being comfortable is not about
what you look like, but how you feel.
original offering is changed to suit our current state of being; in other words,
regardless of what is actually being said, we interpret the message based on our
existing beliefs, experiences, thoughts and mood at the time.
The auditory filter presides as judge over both sender and message, so that when
we actually receive the message, it has been transformed to fit our expectations
and conformed to what we want to hear. Children are the masters of auditory
filtration. When they are told not to do something, they do it because their
auditory filter changed the message to suit their needs.
Do not ride your bike without your helmet, becomes Ride your bike without
your helmet. Clear your plate from the table, becomes Leave your plate on
the table so I will clear it. You may be starting to see the pattern.
As adults, our auditory filter works in many ways. For example, when you are reading
a book such as this one and processing the messages, your auditory filter kicks in
and says things like, It is easy for her, she is young, or Of course she can give ten
percent of her income, she is a millionaire. The auditory filter prevents us from
receiving the true message because it is often easier to judge or doubt the sender.
I was doing a seminar on health and wellness strategies, and a woman approached
me afterward. She said that although my message was good, she found me
unbelievable because I was young and thin, so it was easy for me. Initially, I
wanted to pull out some old photos of me at 197 pounds, but I resisted the
interference from my own auditory filter and simply said, Tell me more.
Monica Bellucci - Actor
She explained that when she was young she was able to eat whatever she wanted
and not gain a pound. After menopause, she began to gain weight and basically
had decided that there was nothing she could do.
At our Have It All Womens Weekend, we train on the concept of the auditory
filter. We all have it, we all use it, and it can get us in trouble if we let it rule our
lives. The auditory filter is an invisible device which alters a message so that the
I took a breath and smiled. I said, My goodness how blessed you are. She
looked stunned and asked what I meant. I explained that in my youth I was
obese and that at the age of ten I was a womans size fourteen. I shared that
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weight had been a struggle for me until my early thirties, and that I was blessed
with genetics that had ordained me with a lifelong focus on diet and exercise.
I then asked her what she was telling herself around her ability to release weight.
The story came forwardone I have heard countless timesthat she was post
menopausal, over fifty and that she had resigned herself to looking like this. I
asked her if she wanted to change. She replied that she did. I then shared with
her that she had all the tools at her fingertips to create a new body, if only she
was open to utilizing them.
Essentially, what I was telling her was that her own auditory filter was keeping
her stuck. By filtering out the message I was delivering that night, which
was that no matter where you are in your life you can change, this woman
was keeping herself stuck by deciding that I was too young and too thin to
understand the struggle to be lean. Sometimes you just have to say, whatever,
and move on.
I confess that in the past my own auditory filter kept me stuck. When I
was building a network marketing business, I would look at the top income
earners and say, Its easy for them to talk about building a huge income, they
dont have kids. Yikes!!! Back then my own auditory filter prevented me from
hearing their messageone that, had I embraced sooner, would have likely
created faster results.
We never know when it is going to be our book, our teacher, our moment, so
the truth is that the faster we throw out the auditory filter and get ourselves in
front of as many books, training sessions and seminars as we can, the faster we
will become unstuck.
A final thought on the auditory filter is that it was placed there to protect us.
Some call it the little voice inside your head and others call it our ego or
conscience. This is all fine, unless it is filtering out what we need to hear,
which could be the very thing that takes us to our next level of power.
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Can We Really Change?

Without courage you cannot practice any of the other virtues.
Maya Angelou
My family was at a costume party one night in a community where I lived over
ten years ago. The last time I resided in that city it was very painful. I had gone
through financial loss and a public divorce. For a long time I couldnt even go
there because I didnt want to run into anyone who might judge me.
Years had passed, and as is often the case, the pain had numbed so we accepted
the invitation to go to the party which was also a fundraiser for brain cancer
research. One of the first people I ran into was Lisa. She had lost her partner
to brain cancer and she was co-hosting the benefit. As images of Lisas partner
flashed on the screen I asked her what it felt like. Lisa replied, Susan, time
really does heal.
I spent the evening contemplating Lisas words. There were many people at this
event who had known me, a different Susan, the Susan of a decade ago. That
Susan had a lot to prove. She was ambitious, driven, focused and pushed herself
to exhaustion. That Susan did everything for everyone because she feared that
unless she made everyone happy they would abandon her. As a result, she got
very sick. She was also in a marriage that wasnt serving her while pretending
that everything was okay.
I have grown a great deal since then and I am definitely not the same person. I
have a great deal more peace, self-respect and self-love, and I now take a stand
for myself. Parts of me are the same old Susan, although instead of loathing
myself I have come to accept and honor who I am.
This is the space I occupied at the party. Instead of worrying what people
thought about me, I played what I like to call the smiling game. May I be quite
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candid without fear of being judged by your auditory filter? The smiling game
works much better with a glass of wine under your belt!!! Susan of ten years ago
never would have played. She would have gone to a corner and engaged some
pour soul in an intense conversation so she could avoid making small talk with
myriads of people.
Commitment is a big word. Encarta Online defines commitment as something

that takes up time or energy, especially an obligation. This is just the point: you
can change, but it is going to take time, effort and energy. You will get there, but
it depends on your level of commitment.
The smiling game works this way: you smile at everyone and secretly bless them.
Your smile should be bigger than your everyday Im coping and leave me alone
smile. It needs to be your happiest grin magnified by ten. In any setting, whether
you are at a party, walking down the street, in Starbucks or wherever, you smile
this ridiculous smile at everyone. Then, without fear of rejection, you count the
number of people who smile back. Those who dont, you silently bless and release.
What is Your Inspiration?
On this particular night, dressed as Trinity from The Matrix, I played the smiling
game. Some people openly smiled back. Some actually spoke to me. A few did not
smile, and hey, I like to reason that they have something going on in their lives.
Maybe they have a rare disease that prevents smiling. When people are being hurtful,
it usually means they are hurting. We should never tell ourselves a story about what
is going on with another human being as often those stories arent true.
Once you have established that you are indeed committed to change, you must ask
yourself the quintessential question. Why? Why do you want to change? Why do
you want your life to become better? Why do you want to be a Have It All Woman?
I may not be the same person I was ten years ago, nor am I the same person
I was ten months ago or even ten days ago, and nor should you be. Every day
we have the opportunity to grow and learn from one another and it all begins
within. The truth is that we can all change. Change takes courage. The Bible
says, Many are called but few are chosen. I believe that we are all called to be
agents of change and to be the best we can be. I believe that anyone can change
their life if they choose to.
Inspiration is our raison dtre, or reason for being.
Follow what you are genuinely passionate about and let that guide you to
your destination.
Diane Sawyer
One of my favorite trainings focuses on inspiration versus desperation.

Inspiration is our raison dtre, or our reason for being. It is what brings us to a
place of action where we will not be denied. Our inspiration will last a lifetime.
When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis my life turned upside-down. After
the initial this cant be happening to me self-banter and the poor me stuff, my
thoughts turned to all of the dreams I would never be able to fulfill. I wanted more
children, I wanted to place top ten in the pro division of an Ironman Triathlon and
I wanted to do the Boston Marathon. There were so many things left to achieve.
Many women start a process. They start a diet. They start an exercise program.
They start taking a class. Fewer women ever complete anything. Women are
professional starters. Lets not take all of the blame. I have some male family
members who have several home renovation projects on the go. Nonetheless,
change is not a destination; it is a process and it will only occur when we commit.
A funny thing happened with my dreams, and I really believe God has a sense
of humor. The inspiration was so great that not even multiple sclerosis could
keep me from achieving any of them. I did achieve a top-ten position in the
pro division of an Ironman. I did go on to have three more beautiful children
and, yes, I did do the Boston Marathon. Who knew? Inspiration could, and did
conquer everything.
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Inspiration must be stronger than motivation. Motivation is much like a sugar

high. You read a book, attend a seminar or listen to a speaker and you are motivated
for a few days. Then you come crashing down. When you are inspired, it lasts and
lasts until completion. Inspiration is the key that unlocks that door of change.
massage therapist, etc., to help you deal with the issues. If it is lack of sleep, then
work toward changing your sleep habits. If it is a certain person or people, then
journal, develop a support network of positive people or cut the negative people
out of your life as much as possible. This latter point will be discussed more fully
in the chapter on relationships.
What is Desperation?
Your inspiration must be strong to keep desperation at bay. It is very tempting to

be comfortably uncomfortable. It is very seducing not to dream or act on those
dreams, because it is safe not to try for more in your life. Whatever you dream,
you can have it, as long as the inspiration is strong enough. I am not saying that
even on the most inspired quest you will not want to surrender to desperation
once in a while; however, the highly inspired woman can rub her own feet, if
you know what I mean.
Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.

- Iyanla Vanzant - Author
Desperation, on the other hand, is like this warm fuzzy blanket that beckons us
to become wrapped up in its embrace. The only problem is that this embrace
suffocates and renders us helpless without our realizing it. Desperation says,
Dont take action toward your dreams today; dont try something new. Stay
here and curl up in front of the fire. Let me wrap you up and keep you safe so you
dont get rejected, dont get shot down and dont get hurt. Also, let me rub your
feet and give you some wonderfully decanted ten-year-old Barolo or a steaming
mug of hot cocoa. Stay here with me and feel comfortable. Desperation is not
only very good at entrapment; it is also a first-class deceiver.
We can be more vulnerable to desperation at different times in the day, times
in the month or times in our lives. When our hormones are fluctuating we can
be more prone to emotionally charged decisions. Certain people can also cause
us to be more tempted to give up on our dreams and desires. For me, I find that
when I havent had enough sleep, I am more prone to frustration, self-doubt
and desperation. When I am rested, I am inspired, powerful and positive. We
all have our moments. We are human.
You must have a strategy for dealing with situations where you are vulnerable to
giving up. If it is hormonal then work through the exercises in the chapter on
health, and set up a team of professionals such as your physician, chiropractor,
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Only you can decide what your inspiration is. No one can give it to you. In order
for change to occur you must know why you wish to change. Change can be scary
and sometimes painful. However the success lies in who you become in the process.
In order for change to occur you must know why you wish to change.
Take some time to really understand why you are inspired to grow. Perhaps the
first step is acknowledging that the place you are at in your life right now is not
where you want to be. Perhaps your burning inspiration is about creating change
for others, or maybe it is about a situation you are currently in. Either way, your
inspiration must be so strong that even on the toughest days you still manage to
take one positive step toward your dreams.
Where Do I Begin?
Anythings possible if youve got enough nerve.
J.K. Rowling, Author
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We begin with letting go of someone elses idea of balance. In my seminars I share

with women that balance is a moving target. Basically, to create beautiful gardens,
have immaculately decorated homes, be award-winning chefs, be lean, fit and
healthy, have the perfect relationship and get a PhD in ones spare time may not
be ideal for you. Balance only has meaning in the relationship it has to your life.
Have It All Woman Empowerment Exercise Self-Discovery
I meet many women who say that they couldnt do what I do. My husband and
I have four beautiful children, Avery, Andreas, Sarai Rachel and Emery. We run
two companies and are developing a third. I am a writer, speaker, author and
entrepreneur. We also travel extensively and do work in Africa and Asia with
private charities, and World Vision. Add to that running marathons, and you
may get the idea that my life may not be balanced. However, I love my life, and
it feels right to me. Ultimately your idea of balance may be something more
sublime; all that matters is that it is your idea and no one elses.
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Lets take the actress, Angelina Jolie, as another example of a woman who does
it all. She has a growing family, is a humanitarian, travels all over the world with
the UNHCR, another organization which Chris and I support, and has her
career as an Oscar-winning actor. To many her life may not appear in balance
however it likely works for her.
Oprah Winfrey is another example of a Have It All Woman. She is a billionaire,
philanthropist, and has changed the lives of millions around the planet. She has
made choices that clearly support her values and she does not justify her life to
anyone.
The message Oprah sends is about women taking more responsibility in
their lives, and letting go. Oprah has women reading again and loving it. She
encourages women to be present in their lives and not play the victim. The
wonderful thing about Oprah is that she has revolutionized the modern woman.
She makes it all right to not have kids, to struggle with weight, to be unmarried
and to do so publicly. Oprah never appears to have need of justifying her life;
she simply lives it.
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What is it about my life right now that I find uncomfortable?

(It could be health, finances, relationships, family, your environment, something
in the world, a situation or anything at all.)
What is my inspiration for change? What do I want in my life? What is so

inspiring that I will not be denied?
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_________________
When am I most vulnerable to desperation?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
___________________________________
What is my strategy for dealing with this vulnerability?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
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_________________
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To be a Have It All Woman means to do what feels right for you. It means truly
letting go of comparing ourselves to others and stepping into our own personal
power. My life, Angelinas life or Oprahs life may not seem in balance to you.
The important thing, however, is that it is not about what other women do; it is
entirely about what you do with your life that counts.
We know when we are in alignment with our truth. We feel it in our core. We
easily attract abundance because we know we are on the right path. We can
never be in true alignment with our desires if we allow negativity to enter into
our reality. Therefore we will always attract to ourselves exactly what we are
saying and how we are being.
The important thing is that it is not about what other women do; it is entirely
about what you do with your life that counts.
We can never be in true alignment with our desires if we allow negativity to

enter into our reality.
Balance is not about doing things to impress others; it is about staying true to
what we believe. If we are out of alignment with our core values we can end
up sick, fatigued and lackluster in our lives. Ultimately the message for women
should be for us to do what we find fulfilling. The sad truth is that many women
watch television and read magazines, in the hope that by creating this ideal life
they see in pictures they will be happy. Happiness is one thing; being balanced
adds another dimension to our lives in that the truly happy person wont feel
their life is falling apart if there are a few proverbial weeds in the garden. The
truth is that happiness is possible even in our imperfection, because it is balance
that provides the anchor and foundation we need to express that happiness.
There have been many books and programs written about the Law of Attraction.
The great teachers and trainers of our time all practice and believe in it. People
such as Esther Hicks, who wrote Ask and it is Given; Rhonda Byrne, who
created The Secret; Lisa Nicols, the teacher and trainer; and many others have
all utilized the Law of Attraction to create an exceptional life.
The Have It All Woman is in alignment with her core values and spiritual
beliefs. She does not do anything to impress and neither does she need to.
Additionally, she does not judge or compare herself to others. The Have It All
Woman knows that to truly achieve a fulfilling life she must become the master
of her inner peace.
We are the Sum of Our Thoughts

To reach something good it is very useful to have gone astray, and thus
acquire experience.
Saint Teresa of Avila
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This Law of Attraction isnt just for advanced trainers and spiritual teachers; it
is available to all of us and it is as old as recorded time. The Law of Attraction
is written about in the Bible, especially in the books of Mark and Matthew. It is
chronicled in the teachings of Aristotle, Plato, Descartes, Da Vinci and others.
This law is here waiting for us to use anytime and anywhere. It is simply a matter
of getting it out of our heads and into our hearts.
Wherever you are at right now is due to a series of choices you have made, some
of which are conscious and others unconscious. Just picking up this book and
reading it is a conscious choice. I hope that I am one of many teachers who will
impact your life. Every book has something to teach us, and there is a gift within
every person. The more open you are to receiving, the more likely you are to
create personal gains from this book.
Wherever you are at right now is due to a series of choices you have made, some
of which are conscious and others unconscious.
You have attracted this book and everything else into your life. Whatever you are
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focusing on you are getting more of it. If you are focusing on debt you are getting
more debt. If you are focusing on the relationships you do not have, I bet your
life is feeling unfulfilled. If you are focusing on losing weight, then I bet you are
struggling to lose those extra pounds. We attract everything, every time, and in
a way that is absolutely to our design.
To truly understand this law means to release judgment on it. According to
Louise Hay, author and spiritual teacher, even disease in our bodies is caused
by a misalignment of our values with what we are actually doing, and therefore,
we attract disease as a mechanism. Louise herself is a cancer survivor and comes
from a beautiful place of integrity.
In the year 2000, I attracted the diagnosis of multiple sclerosis to myself. I had
been having a number of health challenges that my doctor seemed unable or
unwilling to classify. I was dropping things, slurring my speech, was extremely
fatigued and experiencing severe pain, tingling and numbness down one side
of my body. All I could focus on was how badly I was feeling. I kept asking my
doctor for more tests until finally one became conclusive. I was relieved when
my symptoms had a name.
Prior to this, I had been feeling exhausted. I didnt have any energy. Everything
seemed like a huge effort. The more I focused on how I felt, the worse I felt. I
went to my doctor to ask him to run some tests and he said that I was probably
just stressed.
After a vacation to Jamaica that left me feeling worse, and a series of blinding
headaches, my doctor agreed to do some investigation. In 2000, everyone was
worried about Y2K, the potential shutdown of computers all over the planet.
People were both fearful and hopeful of the new millennium. Doomsday
believers marched around thinking that the world would end.
week and employed forty people. I was also doing some radio, television and
teaching at a local college. I taught several of the fitness classes, did personal
training and nutritional consultations, took care of some of the day-to-day
activities of the club and was there six to seven days every week.
We also had a young daughter. She was two at the time and an absolute delight
although I feel as though I was so caught up in business that I missed the time
with her. On top of my other obligations I had recently obtained my elite card
for racing duathlon and triathlon. I was being coached, and had plans to attend
an elite training camp with the goal of building my racing career.
At the start of the year, after Y2K passed and people were settling into their New
Years resolutions, my doctors office called. They wanted to see me. I went in
expecting to hear that everything was fine and instead received the diagnosis
of multiple sclerosis. I was shocked, angry, sad and hopeless all at once. Would
I be that sad woman in a wheelchair? How fast would I deteriorate? An image
of a woman, who had been my ex-boyfriends aunt, floated into my mind. Not
long before she died in her fifties, after battling multiple sclerosis for years, her
husband carried her into the ocean so she could just feel the water around her.
It had been years since she could walk into the ocean on her own and not long
after this, she died. Would this be me?
Soon after this I also lost my business. I also lost my home, my marriage and
everything that defined me. This isnt the forum for what happened between my
husband and me. What I will say is that it was a time of learning and growth. As
a woman who believes in God and believes in certain vows, I am comfortable in
the decision we made to end it.
At this point in my life I owned a busy health club with my then-husband. We

had almost one thousand members, ran up to thirty-five fitness classes every
Losing everything was temporarily like being in one of those movies where the
heroine is tied up and left on the road to die; a car comes speeding along, always
driven by a dashing hero, and stops just in time. In my case it felt like the car
didnt stop. It ran me over and I survived with bumps, bruises, deep aches, pains
and sadness that was like a river of constant despair.
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For weeks I would wake up hyperventilating. I went through dozens of asthma

inhalers. I floated through my life like a ship lost in a fog so thick that it couldnt
even see the beacon from the lighthouse. That was me, a ship with no port and
no guide.
Losing everything also provided me with a blank canvas. I do not recommend
this tactic for any woman wanting to change. Absolutely, do not go out and
destroy your life so you can start again.
Losing everything provided me with a blank canvas

With my blank canvas, I did go on to build a new life. I also prayed more
deeply than I ever had before. In the Bible it says that whatever you shall pray
for in Gods name you will have, so I prayed that I would find success so I
could spend the rest of my life inspiring women to do the same. That was it.
That was my pact.
On one of my darkest days I turned on the television to watch Oprah. In my
mind Oprah Winfrey has done more for the empowerment of women than
anyone else alive today. Oprah started one show that changed countless lives
which it did on this particular day, with my particular life. On this day Oprahs
guest was Dr. Iyanla Vanzant.
Dr. Vanzant was speaking on how we all have the power to change. She shared
that no matter where a woman was in her life she could be, do, and have
anything. I resonated so strongly with her words that I rushed out and bought
her book, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up.
The more I read, the more I began to focus on what I truly wanted. I wanted
someone to be my partner in life. I wanted to be financially free and have
choices. I wanted to love myself and be at peace. I did attract all of these things
and more, and you can too.
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I am still living out my promise to God. I will for the rest of my days. I stopped
making it about me a long time ago. It is no longer about my life. It is about the
lives I can impactperhaps even yours.
What I do know to be true is that whatever we focus on the most, we get more
of. If we focus on opportunity, we get more of it. If we focus on desperation we
get more of that. Mastering our thoughts is a lifelong quest and one that is worth
every moment working at it.
Mastering our thoughts is a lifelong quest and one that is worth every moment
working at it.
Sometimes it can feel overwhelming when we look at our lives. There are many
areas to work on and sometimes we must stop and focus on just one place. For
example, if you are seeking a relationship and are already successful in business,
then perhaps you need to master self-love. If you are not as healthy as you want
to be then start there. The Have It All Woman is constantly evolving and the
most exciting thing is that you are in the process.
As you read on, there are chapters covering the key tenets of our lives. When you
get to the chapter that covers your area of focus, be sure to do all of the exercises.
Absorb the material and focus in. Now that you are in the process of becoming
a Have It All Woman, know that anything is possible. Everything you want is
out there right now, and all you need to do is set the intention of re-birthing a
new you.
Who are You, Really?

I live for the present always. I accept this risk. I dont deny the past, but
its a page to turn.
Juliette Binoche - Actor
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Soon after the MS diagnosis, and before I lost my business, a friend and I were
on the phone and out of the blue he asked me one of the most important
questions of my life. He said, Susan, you define yourself by what you do and
what you own; however, if you lost everything tomorrow and were all alone in
the world with no money, no job, no family, no friends, no home or anything
at all, who would you be?
I was stunned. There are many thought-provoking, life-altering questions out
there such as, Will you marry me? And, Did the stick turn blue or pink?
This was, and remains one of the most life-altering questions I have ever faced.
In my seminars and courses I use this to assist women to step into their personal
power. When we know who we are, life gets a lot clearer. Having the certainty
of our definition of self assists us with every imaginable decision from the
seemingly mundane to the life-altering.
At the time I didnt have an answer for my friend. But he was right. According to
me and the rest of my world, I was a gym owner, personal trainer, fitness instructor,
mother, wife and media personality. But really, who was I? I didnt know.
I went out on my bike the next day. It was windy and cold, a brutal February day
in Canada. I rode and rode for hours with one question on my mind. Who am I?
The answer did come. It came to me in the form of a word while I was in prayer.
The word that came was teacher. There was something I was meant to teach.
When my world collapsed, the word teacher stayed with me. It gave me
solitude in knowing that surely I must have lost my health, my marriage, and
everything else for a purpose. There was something I was supposed to learn so I
could teach it. In the darkest moments it gave me peace.
I have revisited this exercise and have embraced a new word: inspiration. Time
and time again, women all over the world have told me that I inspire them. I receive
letters from women who, although they thought they never would, have now taken
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up running or had the courage to make peace with a loved one. To be able to inspire
another human being to a higher calling should be something we all aspire to do.
Everything You Want is Out There

A woman is like a tea bag - you cant tell how strong she is until you put
her in hot water.
Nancy Reagan - Former U.S. First Lady
Now that you know who you are, you can be clear about what you want. Would
you like a better relationship? Do you want a family? Perhaps a larger bank
account? Is it a better body? What exactly do you desire?
When we can get clear on what we are seeking, it tends to show up. Many
women are very ambiguous about what we want and tend to attach conditional
happiness to the manifestation of desire. For instance, have you ever said,
I will be happy when? The when may be meeting your dream partner,
having more money, a nicer home, a baby or whatever else. The simple truth
is that you must choose to be happy in the here and now, and not when you
achieve something.
Let go of choosing to be happy whenchoose to be happy now.
You can have everything you want. However, you must never make those wants
a condition of your happiness. Will Smith, the actor, has said, Money only
amplifies what is already there. If you are a good person at heart it will amplify
goodness. If you are self-serving and ruthless at heart it will amplify that. Wanting
is a good thing, but being happy in the now is the first step.
Do you realize that many women want different things? We do not all want the
same type of partner. We do not all want the same home, job, family, business,
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- Have It All Woman Empowerment Exercise -
Who Am I?
Schedule some time to go for a walk, meditate, or sit somewhere peaceful and
ask the question, Who am I, really? As thoughts come in and out of your
mind that are not relevant to the question, let them go. Imagine those thoughts
as big, fluffy clouds and allow them to float away. Take a deep breath once more
and ask the question until the answer comes to you.
Wanting Versus Needing

Women in particular need to keep an eye on their physical and mental
health, because if were scurrying to and from appointments and errands,
we dont have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own to do list.
First Lady Michelle Obama
You may have grown up in a household where you were taught not to ask for
what you want. Perhaps you were taught not to ask for anything at all. There
is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something as long as you want it for
internal reasons and not purely to validate yourself.
Who am I, really?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something as long as you want
it for internal reasons and not purely to validate yourself.
Growing up without very much money, I was always envious of families that
appeared to have material wealth. In high school my best friend was always given the
latest Ralph Lauren polo shirts, by her mother, in every color while I worked at three
different jobs just to save up enough money for back-to-school shopping. I longed for
a life where I could wear designer clothes and part of me felt that I would somehow
be validated as a human being, as if clothing labels were badges of honor.
car or anything else. Thankfully our world is full of abundance. The very thing
you want is out there right now.
If it is a relationship you seek, imagine that your perfect partner is out there
right now. By setting an intention to find them you will automatically draw
them to you. If it is a better body you desire, then set that intention and the
people and circumstances will come together to make that happen. All you need
to do is set the intention and step up when the situation arises.
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When I started to make money as an adult I often purchased designer handbags,

shoes and clothes. I have always loved fashion, but I was wearing these things for
the wrong reasonsnot for the love of the clothes but for the love of the labels.
In learning to love myself for who I am and not what I do, I soon shifted to
simply wearing clothes that I love for me and no one else. Designer items do not
make us, they may be an expression of our personality; we must avoid the trap
of letting material things define us as women. We define ourselves.
As women we have fundamental needs for shelter, food, water, clothing and
love. Yes, it is human nature to want to be loved. Above that, when we are living
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19.
Play the I Want Game
20.
Take 5 minutes right now and write out everything you desire. Do not allow
your mind to put any sort of conditions on your goals. If you want that tall, dark
and handsome someone, write them down. If you want a million dollars, write
it down. See how many I WANTS you can list in 5 minutes.
21.
22.
23.
24.
1.
25.
2.
26.
3.
27.
4.
28.
5.
29.
6.
30.
7.
31.
8.
32.
9.
33.
10.
34.
11.
35.
12.
36.
13.
37.
14.
38.
15.
39.
16.
40.
17.
41.
18.
42.
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into our Have It All Womans pyramid (more on that later), the side benefit may
indeed be the financial freedom to choose our bag, shoes, clothing and anything
else we desire.
I believe in setting goals and I believe that we can have anything we desire as
long as it does not hurt another human being. When we love ourselves for
who we are, everything else is a bonus. I encourage you to write your I wants
and play with them; just do not make your happiness contingent upon the
materialization of these things.
Chap t e r T w o
Cr e a t i n g a C l e ari n g
i n Y o ur Lif e
The roughest road often leads to the top.
Tips for Becoming a Have It All Woman
Christina Aguilera, Musician
Believe it is possible to change.

Understand that as women, we all desire the same fundamental things,
though we may want different material things.
Turn off your auditory filter.
Understand that change is simply a new sensation.
Creating a Clearing in Your Life

I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.
Maya Angelou
Figure out what inspires you to want to be more.

Let go of desperation.
Master your thoughts and do not let your thoughts master you.
Know who you truly are.
In every womans life there are a series of events chronicled by things. We have
letters from past lovers, the stuffed animal won at the fair, clothes that no longer
fit and an entire lifetime of memories documented by stuff. Even those of us
who feel that we are not in the category of pack rat undoubtedly have things
that we can part with. To be a Have It All Woman, we must be able to create
the clearing of the past in order to make room for the abundance of the future.
To be a Have It All Woman, we must be able to create the clearing of the past in
order to make room for the abundance of the future.
Sometimes parts of our lives feel stuck. We feel suffocated, frustrated and
downright out of control. Often we cannot pinpoint exactly what is going on.
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We look to ourselves, yet the answer is not obvious. The truth is that something
as simple as purging the clutter can create breathing space.
a great laugh. Despite being sick, poor and cast out from their village, these
women were so strong, so powerful and so beautiful.
When I lost everything, that experience became the great purge. It was easy
not to get attached to things when there was nothing to get attached to. I realized
that I had defined my life by my possessions, and not by who I was on the inside.
From that time on, I have always cleared the clutter in my life because I am no
longer attached to any material object.
Meeting women like these incredible ladies has very much put things into
perspective for me. At least once every year, I like to journey to Cambodia or
Africa to reset myself, to remember my purpose and reconnect with my true self.
I thank God that I am able to make these trips and that I have learned to let go
of defining myself by what I have as opposed to what I am.
It is not to say that I do not like my shoes, handbags and jewelry; however,
they do not define me. The Have It All Woman may choose to have beautiful
things but they do not control her. Regardless of what is going on in a womans
life, at one time or another, it is fun to dress up and feel sexy. Shoes, dresses,
great jewelry or even an amazing haircut can boost our confidence. All of these
material trappings pale in comparison to the beauty that is within.
I thank God that I am able to make these trips and that I have learned to let go
of defining myself by what I have as opposed to what I am.
As I write this book, Chris and I are involved in raising funds for a trauma centre
in Cambodia. We have partnered with World Vision, one of the largest aid
organizations in the world. The centre is a safe house for girls who have been sold
into brothels, raped and molested. I have traveled to Cambodia, a country of beauty
beyond measure with exceptionally resilient people, and am extremely comfortable
in the field. The field can mean human and animal sewage, people living under
a tin roof with four posts, or playing soccer with boys in a field, uncertain as to
whether or not it has been swept for landmines, with all of the above.
My journey from consumer, to philanthropist, to Have It All Woman was born out
of the great purge, those fateful few months where I lost my health, my marriage,
my home, my car and my business. To this day I maintain that it is essential to
create a clearing in my life to achieve anything I want. I knew that in order to help
others I had to first help myself. I knew that to give I had to be able to receive. I
also knew that in order to receive there had to be a place for abundance to flow.
Life is not created in a vacuum. There must be space for creativity, production
and attraction. Abundance does not flow to someone who has no room in
their lives to receive it. Space for attraction includes both physical and mental
clearing. This chapter is dedicated to teaching you how to do both.
I have also traveled to Guatemala and other parts of the world where children
lack adequate shelter, education, health and safety. In the field all I need are my
hiking boots, simple pants and t-shirts. I take a backpack and notebook. I feel
most beautiful when I have no makeup on, sitting in sweltering heat, meeting
people who we can assist.
Many women look around and see clutter. Have you ever looked in your purse
and found it overflowing with unfiled receipts, makeup, loose change, papers,
or, in my case, baby wipes? Have you opened your closet only to find it full of
clothes that no longer fit? Do you have a pile of old magazines that you know,
truthfully, you will never read? What does your car look like inside? Do you have
a junk drawer, or two, or three?
Some of the most incredible women I have ever met were living in poor, rural
areas in Cambodia and Africa. I once met a group of women stricken by HIV,
who were making bamboo mats to sell for money to buy medications. I took
a turn with the giant machete attempting to peel the bamboo and we all had
There are many places around our homes to amass clutter. Whether you realize it or
not, this clutter is affecting your income, relationships, health and everything around
you. If you have no room to move, you cannot have space to create. If your desk is full,
how can you produce? If your closet is a mess, how can you attract a better wardrobe?
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Whether you realize it or not, this clutter is affecting your income, relationships,
health and everything around you.
From time to time I teach a Marketing Boot Camp class. We teach students to clear
the clutter. They cannot move to the next lesson unless they get rid of the junk
from their offices, closets, workspaces and anywhere in their home where they
must produce. Students must throw out at least one garbage bag full of old papers,
marketing materials and anything else that doesnt serve them. Miraculously, they
all attract new clients to their business when the clearing is done.
I once coached a client who wasnt having much intimacy with her husband.
When she cleaned the junk out of her bedroom, her sex life improved. Go figure!
Minimalism is the new conspicuous consumption. New research on happiness
suggests that we find greater gratification in our experiences than we do in
our possessions. That dim sum course you took, the piano lessons, the theatre
tickets and the whitewater rafting trip provided your busy brain with a greater
sense of peace and fulfillment than the new Gucci bag.
With the great recession of 2009 and the media frenzy around global climate
change there has been a significant movement towards purchasing less, saving
more and living in a smaller home, having one family car and being much more
conscious of consumption. As you embrace letting go of your clutter be present
to every dollar you spent on the things you no longer use and why you spent that
money in the first place.
When there is a place for abundance to flow, you will easily attract it. Have you
ever moved into a new home and realized that there was more space than you
had stuff to fill? How long was it before those empty spaces filled up with things?
It doesnt take long.
For most women, we get a great deal of comfort from our possessions. Some of
us even use them to feel secure. I have worked with many clients who judge their
worth by the clothes they wear and the car they drive. Hey, I am not saying there is
anything wrong with beautiful clothing or a high-end car. These things, however,
are not a measure of your value. Your value is determined by your spirit.
When we are surrounded by a mess, other parts of our life suffer. When we have
parts of our home that are cluttered, unconsciously, we are sending a message to
the world that we have no room to receive more. When we have junk piling up,
our thoughts are directed there as opposed to seeking opportunities to get what
we want and so rightly deserve. Releasing clutter is something that is easily done,
and can yield the greatest rewards.
Clutter can also come in the form of past events or emotions that we are not
clearing. Focusing energy on events or people who no longer serve us creates
a type of mental litter, if you will, that prevents us from moving forward into
something more powerful. Every woman has greatness within her; creating the
clearing is an essential step to discovering what that greatness is.
Your Top Ten

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months
later you have to start all over again.
A Place for Abundance to Flow

God answers sharp and sudden on some prayers, And thrusts the thing we
have prayed for in our face, A gauntlet with a gift in it.
Joan Rivers - Comedian
Elizabeth Barrett Browning - Poet
One of my favorite exercises to do with my clients is to take a clip-board and a

blank piece of paper and walk around their house. I ask them to list everything
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Embarrassment Leads to a Powerful Clearing

for Effective Communication
that is bothering them. It could be a messy garage, it could be a stain on the
carpet, it could be boxes in the basement or childrens clothing that no longer
fit. Whatever it is, the list is important. Whether you realize it or not, these little
annoyances are affecting your energy and your productivity.
I believe that in order to be an effective leader, communication is a necessary skill. So what

is communication? When I ask this question, the most common responses are speaking
clearly, active listening, body language, and using I language. While those responses are
correct, they only relate to the skill sets associated with active communication.
Whatever it is, the list is important. Whether you realize it or not, these little
annoyances are affecting your energy and your productivity.
I believe that how we communicate today is actually a byproduct of all our experiences,
values and belief. In other words, the perceptions we have about our past influence how
we communicate in our present. Our thoughts shape our responses and how effectively we
communicate with others.
When you walk around your home and see something that bothers you,
immediately there is a negative emotion. There is usually some self talk that goes
like this, I need to fix or I need to clean up and we do this day after day.
Eventually our own sense of self-worth is affected because we feel inadequate or
overwhelmed because of the build up of tasks that we must complete. I want
you to know that every time you see that crooked picture, the chip in the paint
or whatever it is, you are affected.
A friend of mine recently went on a goodwill mission to Mexico. He took all of
his good old clothes out of his closet and his family did the same. I had shared
with him the notion that when we create a clearing, something better flows to
it, and he was absolutely ready. My friend and his family took their clothing
and several other items to an orphanage. People were so grateful to be receiving
new clothes. When my friend returned, a colleague happened to give him all
of his old Armani, Brioni and Zenga designer clothing. In creating the clearing
in his closet, my friend had created a space for abundance to flow.
As you look at your surroundings what do you see? Is there one cushion that
needs repair? Is there an old pair of shoes you will never wear? Are there small
home projects that could be completed yet remain undone? Everyone has a list
of things that require attention. The longer you let them go, the bigger the list.
Many of the little jobs that need doing are just thatlittle jobs. Listing them and
putting them in order of importance is the first step to finding some peace. As
you walk around your home, write down all of the areas that need addressing. It
doesnt matter how many you have, just that each one is on your list. Whatever
is bothering you is likely bothering everyone else in your home.
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Have you ever been in a situation where you have reacted to an event or statement, and
found yourself wondering, Where on earth did that response come from? The reality is
that you were not responding at all. Rather you were reacting. Your communication in
that moment was triggered by some unknown occurrence in your past. In the well-known
movie The Secret, it is said that our thoughts become things. Well, when looking at
communication, our thoughtspositive or negativeshape how effectively we communicate
in the world.
When I was six, I had an embarrassing event in grade one that for the longest time shaped
my communication. I was asked to come to the front of the room and read. At that time
I still had my very Caribbean accent, and as I read, the teacher proceeded to correct how
I enunciated every word. The class giggled and what was a few short minutes seemed like
hours. Well, in that moment I decided a few things about myself. I was not very smart
and I would never volunteer to speak in front of the room ever again. I actually went
through school never raising my hand or asking for help.
As an adult, my communication was fine in small settings, but ask me to answer a question
in a large room or speak in front of a crowd and I would subconsciously be thrown back to my
grade-one event. I would react by becoming defensive. I would speak quickly, be unable to focus
and my sentences would be broken and incoherent. My heart would pound as I surrendered all
my power to a past event reinforcing the belief, You cannot communicate clearly. You are not
that smart or articulate.
It was not until I began to revisit that past event, understand its impact in my present and
clear the emotion attached to it, that I was able to move from reacting to responding. As
I regained my power I began to communicate effectively for the first time. Every woman
can step into her own power by clearing past events, emotions and effects that no longer
serve them.
Suzan Hart
Entrepreneur, Trainer and Coach
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What are the top ten items that need addressing in your life right now?
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
6. _ ___________________________________________________________
a disaster, write down how long it will take. If you have home repairs, write out
the time and the money required, if any. After building your list, you are ready
to create a plan of action.
Start with the item that is bothering you the most. Deal with it. Get rid of
the negative energy surrounding it. Get into your planner and schedule the
necessary amount of time required to get the job done.
Once you have dealt with one area, you can move on to the next. Observe how
your energy changes. Allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of having a clearing.
More importantly, give yourself the opportunity to celebrate the victory of
getting one piece of your life clutter-free.
7. _ ___________________________________________________________
8. _ ___________________________________________________________
Kates Closet
9. _ ___________________________________________________________
I had a client who had closets, bins and bags full of clothes that she no longer
wore. To make matters worse, some of them still had their tags on. Kate (not
her real name) was also frustrated in her business. She had started a network
marketing venture and was having difficulty attracting customers. When she did
sign up a new associate, often they wouldnt call her back or soon left.
10.____________________________________________________________
My Top-Ten List of Areas that Require Attention

Im competitive with myself. I always try to push past my own borders.
Tyra Banks, Entrepreneur, Model, Actress
Once you have the items, decide which one is bothering you the most. Look
at it and ask yourselfhow does it make me feel? Ask yourself how you will feel
when it is addressed. Now quantify the list and get your top ten. This is where
you begin.
Kates life was stagnating in other areas. Her relationships were short-lived.
She had a habit of attracting the wrong kind of man. She would find someone
with great chemistry, fall in love and inevitably the relationship would become
smothering. In the arena of romance, Kate often felt suffocated.
Kates health was also a factor. She would lose ten pounds and gain ten pounds
back. She felt disenchanted with her body. She would constantly get sinus
infections and feel aches in her joints. Kates body was congested.
In your top ten assign the amount of time it will take to address each item. If
you need to clean out your closet, allocate the hours required. If your fridge is
In one of our first sessions I asked Kate to describe her surroundings. I knew the
answer even before she gave it. Room after room was loaded with papers, clothes
and knickknacks. Kate even had taxes she hadnt filed. Every room was so full
that she wasnt able to move in some of them.
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She had boxes of old training materials from former companies. She had bags
full of books that she hadnt read. Her office was a disaster. I couldnt even find
the phone.
One day I asked Kate how she felt in her home. She said that she loved it and that
it felt safe. By the same token she was ashamed to have people over lest they might
see the real woman, the one with the boxes and bags of unopened and unused
things. I knew that Kate was using material goods to create a false sense of security.
Little by little, with my help, Kate began to purge her excess clothes. She also
began to donate books, household items and other things to charities in need.
As this happened her body began to respond. She was breathing easier, and she
became leaner. She was also feeling lighter.
After one week of deliberate purging she attracted some strong leaders into her
enterprise. Her business began to take on a life of its own. She began attracting
with ease. Even her relationships improved. Kate went from being broke to
being a multiple six-figure earner and it all started with the purge.
The Power of Five

Analyzing the problem is vital. Its the only way youre going to arrive at
the right thing to do.
Vanessa Redgrave - Actor
On Sunday nights, Chris, the kids and I all go around and find five things
to throw out. It may be old notices from school, junk mail, bits of crayon or
anything at all which is of no use to us or anyone else. This process is powerful
because we are teaching our children not to hold on to clutter. It also allows
us to start off Monday with a clearing where we are not looking at all of the
miscellaneous bits of stuff around the house.
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Could you create a new habit in your home? Could you take one day where
everyone is encouraged to purge clutter? Imagine the possibilities! What would
your life look like if everyone just simply took responsibility for their own mess?
It can be awesome if you commit.
What would your life look like if everyone just simply took responsibility for
their own mess?
When we started the process, the kids were not that focused. But after several
weeks in a row they knew that if Chris or I declared it time to get rid of five
things, it was time to act. Having developed the habit, they also feel empowered
because theynot wedecide what is important. As a mother it can be heartwrenching trying to choose between one weeks macaroni art and another
weeks finger-painting. My children connect to what they feel is worth keeping
and it has taught me a lot about life through their eyes.
Even if you are on your own, establish a get rid of five things night once every
week. Get rid of anything that no longer serves you. Ask yourself, If I were to move,
would I take this with me? If the answer is no, then get rid of it. With dedication
to the process, you will soon be living a life where abundance has a place to flow.
The Power of Five can be used in any area of your home. In deciding what to
purge you can ask yourself, Have I used this in the last five years? If no, then
purge it. Of course you may want to make exceptions for things like wedding
gowns and other heirlooms. Ask yourself if you will use this item five years from
now. If the answer is no, then toss it.
If you are going to be using something within the next five months then keep it out.
If you do not need it until after five months from now, put it away. A great example
of such things would be winter coats, decorations and other seasonal items.
I teach a live course called Organize Your Life. In this course I teach peoplemen
and womenhow to use the Power of Five in other areas. One of our students,
Christine, became so masterful at creating a clearing using these principles that she
actually found $17,000 in receipts that lead to a tax refund of the same amount!
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What Do I Do with this Stuff?

Everything is interconnected. Its all about living a healthier and happier
life and loving life, and making that your focus.
Daryl Hannah - Actor
The biggest thing to understand is that someone may need your things more than
you do. There are so many worthwhile causes, from single mothers programs
to disaster relief. Personally, I never sell anything. I firmly believe that when you
give, you receive tenfold. I give away all of my things with love.
The biggest thing to understand is that someone may need your things more
than you do. As you are sorting stuff, divide it into piles. Take one pile and
allocate those items to either friends or family who may need them. I have
nephews who love my sons hand-me-down clothes. A.J. grows so fast that he
barely wears something one or two times before it is too small. I invest in quality
clothing, so why not pass it on someone in my family?
I had one friend, who, due to some unfortunate events, could not afford to buy
her children back-to-school clothing. I selected some great things and took them
over. She was overcome with gratitude and her kids absolutely loved the clothes.
Due to speaking and traveling engagements I try to keep my wardrobe fresh. I
have many classic pieces, but things that are trendier tend to be good for a select
number of appearances. I also donate business clothing to womens shelters
where wonderful ladies are trying to create a new life.
Quality toys can benefit many womens shelters, Sunday schools, preschools and
daycares. We teach our children that other children may not have what we have.
Toys are merely a dream for a child in a home where food, shelter and clothing
are the chief concerns. Those toys sitting in your basement can bring a big smile
to the face of a child.
family in need. When we donate dishes, cutlery and other kitchen items, we
make sure there is at least a matching pair or set. People just starting out or
rebuilding their lives will get the best use out of your excess kitchen items.
For furniture and just about anything else, organizations such as Goodwill or
the Salvation Army can assist you. There are many families touched by tragedy
who cannot afford to furnish their apartment or home. In our home, we have
a list of different agencies that can receive our things. Many organizations will
actually come to your home and pick up things.
Lastly, before you donate something, clean it up. If it is clothing then wash and
fold it nicely. If it is furniture, then clean that up too. When you prepare to
purge, do so with love. Know that someone out there needs these things more
than you do, and be willing to let them go.
Specifics for Purging Your Closet

I wore a lot of vintage clothing. I dressed like a reporter, with a little card
in my hat. I had these fantasies of who I wanted to be, so Id dress like
an explorer, a cowboy. I dressed up like Elton John a lot too. That was
another period.
Illeana Douglas
As women, we often have closets with several things we no longer wear. Whether
due to size, style or quality, these items no longer serve us. I have always found
that when I purge my closet, I easily attract beautiful clothing to replace what
I have let go. An organized closet will also save you time when you are getting
dressed, and believe me, this is a really good thing.
A second unused set of dishes and other kitchen paraphernalia can be donated
to a college student. The Salvation Army or a local church may also know of a
Below are some simple rules for cleaning houseso to speakin your closet. You
may use one or all of them. I purge my own closet on a quarterly basis. To me it
is very therapeuticand emancipating!
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Going from the Receptionist to the CEO Mindset
1. Set aside at least 2 hours to purge.

2. Get some clear garbage bags.
3. Pull things out and make 4 piles.
Store for next season.
Donate to charity.
Reserve for a friend or family member.
Earmark a bag for clothes that need mending/alterations.
4. Start with clothes that you have not worn in 5 years.
5. Take out all clothes that are too big, as this is only coming from a place of fear
that you will fit into them again.
6. Pull outdated clothes that you know you will never wear again.
Where Do I Begin?
I will go before you and make the crooked places straight...
Isaiah 45:2 NKJV
Everything in my life changed once I learned how to be a Have It All Woman! I

have more peace within myself, my family and even in my business. I have learned how
to collapse those negative situations and/or people around me and how to have more
gratitudenot just forgiveness, but gratitude for everything that comes into my life!
I have always had a wonderful relationship with my husband and just when I didnt think
it could get any better it has! We have two teenagers and I can honestly say that these
years have been the best, not because of anything they do or dont do but because of who I
have become. My relationship with my parents is also on a different level now.
Being a Have It All Woman has also taken my business to a whole new level. I am
now the CEO of my company and no longer the receptionist. I used to be in a place of
struggle and lack always trying to please others at my expense, time, money or emotion.
Now business flows to me with ease and with respect because I love who I have become.
Susan, thank you for everything you have taught me to be and to become. If it wasnt for
you I would still be in a depressed state, in a place of lack and struggle. I am so grateful
to you for being vulnerable, being open and being humble. Thank you for sharing all of
your life experiences that you have so generously taught from. Because you have shown me
a better path I am loving life again! Thank you.
Kim Hiemstra
Modesto, California
You arent very likely to tackle everything in one day. I suggest that you focus
on one area at a time. You may begin with your closet and move on to your
handbag and then the garage. Working on one area until it is complete will
yield the best results.
If you do a little bit in several areas you will not feel a sense of accomplishment.
Women are great multitaskers and we are able to do many things at one time.
Often we can feel frustrated and even overwhelmed when we have too many
projects on the go. Clear the clutter from one area and then focus on another.
This will yield the greatest feeling of satisfaction.
Clear the clutter from one area and then focus on another.
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I once decided to purge my garage to make room for the sports car I desired. I
wanted to attract my next car, a beautiful BMW 335i hard-top convertible in
graphite, so I needed room to manifest it. The garage was full of toys, gardening
supplies, tools, and other tchotchkein other words, everything other than my car.
Until the garage was done I did not move on to another area. I would rather feel that
sense of completion in one area, than to experience small amounts of frustration in
every area of my home. Not long after I completed my garage, a salesman phoned
to say that he had found my exact car, the only one in the country at that time. Not
only did I get a great deal, that car was, and still is, a pleasure to drive.
Creating Have It All Habits

It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.
Eleanor Roosevelt - Former U.S. First Lady
Our habits determine our success or our failure in every aspect of our lives.
Excellent habits produce excellent results. Poor habits, procrastination and
laziness will be our undoing. What if you are meant to do something amazing
and make a huge impact in the world? What if you procrastinate and someone
else seizes your opportunity? What if you dont act and the result is that you fail
to inspire someone?
Our habits determine our success or failure in every aspect of our lives.
Who are you impacting in your life? Are your habits affecting anyone else? Are
your habits contributing to the betterment of lives or pulling from someone
elses life? Only you have the power to change your habits. You could begin to
change them now and be more powerful than you ever dreamed possible.
Clearing poor habits is essential to becoming a Have It All Woman. I admit that it can
be tough to create something new, especially if the old way of doing it was somehow
ingrained in your being. Change can be scary, especially if our habits are keeping us
comfortably uncomfortable. You see, as women, we are our best saboteurs.
Ultimately, we limit our possibilities by creating poor habits. For example, if you
are always late, you miss the opportunity to connect with new people and you
also limit the amount of respect others have for you. If you are tardy in returning
messages then you teach people that they cannot count on you. If your intention
is to be a leader you can see where the consequences lie.
Ultimately, we limit our possibilities by creating poor habits.
We all have habits that prevent us from being great. It is tremendously difficult
to change everything at once, and that is why we encourage our students to
change two or three non-productive habits and replace them with positive
ones. Once these new productive habits are ingrained then it is time to go back
and create even more good habits. As a Have It All Woman you must be in a
constant state of evolution. It doesnt matter how many bad habits you have.
Whats important is that you have the conviction to change.
Everything we do impacts someone else. If you think that you are insignificant,
you are wrong. I used to believe that my life was only about me, but all of that
changed the moment someone told me that I had inspired them to live. This
individual recited back to me something I said that had caused them to think,
and that thing in turn had created enough inspiration for them to have a reason
to live. All of that came from the simple fact that I was in the habit of returning
phone calls in a timely manner.
I have listed below some of the unproductive habits that many women have that
end up creating chaos, confusion, frustration for self and others, ill health, loss
of money and more. There are more, obviously, and you may choose to create
some that are not on this list. After going through the list, I want you to pick two
or three habits that you have which may be holding you back. After this, write
out replacement habits that you will commit to focusing on. For example, if you
are always late then commit to being on time. If you are not drinking enough
water commit to drinking more water. You get the idea.
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Here is a list of some of the unproductive habits which hold us back:

Not returning phone calls on time.
Being late.
Not returning e-mails.
Not having a schedule.
Not filing important documents.
Not saving money or paying yourself first.
Failure to understand the law of reciprocitynot putting yourself first and not
tithing or donating.
Handling e-mail or mail more than once.
Forwarding nonsense e-mails.
Not scheduling events.
Not exercising.
Not networking.
Procrastinating.
Not choosing healthy foods.
Not drinking enough water.
Not taking time to rejuvenate.
Watching meaningless television.
Failure to invest in personal development.
Failure to listen.
Trying to be perfect.
Waiting for the right momenteverything has to be perfect.
Failure to budget.
Failure to commit to company conventions, calls, etc.
Lacking or not providing sufficient communication.
Employee mentality.
Entitlement mentality.
Pass the buck mentality.
Amassing bad debt.
Spending what you do not have.
Having a messy or disorganized work space.
Failure to acknowledge those who assist us.
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Creating a Schedule that Works for You

Early is on time, on time is late.
Carrie Underwood
The number-one reason women feel overwhelmed is that they lack a schedule.
Many women recoil at the mention of actually allocating specific times for
accomplishing certain things. Other women actually embrace their schedule
though they may be chained to it. The Have It All Woman has a schedule, and
she is also spontaneous enough to let go of it from time to time, which gives her
the freedom she needs.
The number-one reason women feel overwhelmed is that they lack a schedule.
I have had women resist creating a schedule only to later feel overwhelmed. To put it
in perspective, creating a schedule provides freedom to produce and attract everything
you want. All of the amazing women I work with have schedules that give them power.
In fact, creating a schedule can be one of the most liberating things you do for yourself.
At the Have It All Womens Weekend we teach women to create a schedule
around all areas of their life and not just work. It is also important to schedule
in periods of just doing nothing. When I learned to do this it was as relaxing as
a massage. During my nothing periods I can choose to play, read, create, work
or whatever I like, because I am a Have It All Woman.
Have It All Woman Empowerment Exercise

Creating My Schedule
Get out your planner or PDA. I personally use both. My paper planner is great
because my executive assistant can grab it off my desk and fill things in when
I am on my Blackberry. Also, grab some highlighters. For those of us who are
creative, visual learners, color is a super way to create within your schedule.
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Here is the Have It All Womans List of Items to Create the Best Schedule Ever:
Work
Pick up kids
Drop off kids
Groceries
Errands
School/education
Self-care, e.g. pedicure, manicure, massage
Workout
Meal times
Administration, e.g. answering e-mails/voicemails
Time with your partner: date night
Time with family: family night
Time by yourself
Time to see your friends
Walking the dog
Housework
Personal development
Commuting
Story time
Church
Volunteer work
Taking children to lessons
Visits with relatives
Meditation
Journaling
Flex Time, or open time when nothing is scheduled.
Now create a schedule that fits with your life. Use your highlighter to mark out
periods where your life is literally a blank canvas. It is also helpful to create a
master schedule and post it on the fridge so everyone knows what is happening.
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Some of the above items may not apply to you; pick the things that are most
applicable to your life.
Before I had a schedule I was in overwhelm. I felt as though my life was
controlling me. When I began to schedule my time and live into that schedule,
I became more productive and that changed everything. As women, we have a
natural desire to contribute and operate with productivity; without a schedule it
is tough to live into anything more.
For Have It All Women who have businesses, I encourage you to leave your
office hours on your phone line. This way people know when you are available.
It will take a few weeks to master your new schedule. However, once you do, you
will wonder how you lived without it.
I have coached thousands of women into creating a schedule. In the Organize
Your Life class, scheduling and living into the schedule is of prime importance.
Women report feeling much less stressed which in turn affects every other aspect
of their lives.
The bottom line when it comes to your schedule is that it is a guideline and not
the law. You may have to add things or take things away. The end result is that
you will be more organized and productive. The Have It All Woman is both of
these, and that is why she is able to get so much done and make it look effortless.
Have It All Tips for Embracing Your Clearing

Understand that in helping yourself you help others.
Address all of the areas of clutter in your home.
Create your top-ten list of items that need addressing.
Make a commitment to let go of emotional clutter.
Take one day every week where you toss five things.
Purge your closet.
Identify unproductive habits and replace them with positive, productive ones.
Create a schedule that works for you and live into it.
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The real secret to a productive life is to have your priorities straight.

Chap t e r Thr e e
Y o ur H av e I t A l l
Lif e P yra m id
All I can tell you really is if you get to the point where someone is
telling you that you are not great or not good enough, just follow your
heart and dont let anybody crush your dream.
Patti Labelle - Musician
How Does She Do That?

As I travel all over the world, many women ask me how I am able to do so much.
It seems they cannot comprehend the fact of my being an author, speaker,
trainer, entrepreneur, mother and philanthropist. All right, it even seems like
a lot to me at times, though my philosophy is that we are only here for a short
period of time, so we better make sure we live into our divine purpose and make
a positive impact.
When I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in the year 2000, I didnt have
my priorities straight. I was in surviving but I was not thriving. I was working
to make more work, if that makes any sense. I had to take an extra job just to
make our payroll at the health club. Making money and running a business
took precedence over everything. If I had known then what I know today, it
might have been different. Ironically, when the excessive work, stress and lack of
balance caught up with me and I got sick, it came as a huge blessing.
When I became ill, I knew something had to change. I needed to either shift my
paradigm or travel along on a one-way road to collapse. Even though I did come
very near the brink with M.S., shingles, divorce, hypothyroidism, the loss of my
business and being financially devastatedall within the span of four monthsI
learned the lesson in time. You have to get your priorities straight in order to
accomplish anything in this life.
I believe that to truly understand the need for balance we sometimes have to
get really off kilter. You need to feel completely tired, overwhelmed, disoriented
and be absolutely lacking presence in your life. In the relationship chapter we
talk about dichotomy, though in the here and now, I will share this with you:
whatever you are spending the majority of your time on is having an effect on
your life.
I believe that to truly understand the need for balance we sometimes have to get
really off kilter.
The real secret is that I have my priorities straight. It wasnt always the case, and I got
quite sick due to a huge lack of balance in my life. When I learned to live my life by
one fundamental principle, I was able to do more without guilt or shame. I found
that by simply creating priorities and sticking to them, that decisions became easier.
I also knew when to act and when not to. As a result life became much better.
I know many women who are overwhelmed, broke and lacking in hope for the
future. I also know that most of these women lack the discipline to prioritize their
lives to get ahead. Yes, I did use the D-word. Change requires discipline. You can
be great, have everything you want in your life and make a huge impact, yet it is
going to require a necessary amount of discipline to get it done. You can be one of
those women who people are commonly heard asking, How does she do that?
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Letting Go of Comparisons
I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing
away my pain, the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water.
Amy Tan - Author
I was reading Anderson Coopers book Dispatches from the Edge. In recalling
his fathers death, he remembered watching a special on Jacques Cousteaus
documentary about sharks. Sharks must keep moving to stay alive. As I read this
my entire life made sense. I am constantly moving. It is a challenge for me to
stay still. I travel, run, organize, strategize and my mind is constantly engaged in
thought processing. For me, there is peace in movement. I feel more comfortable
in a third-world country playing soccer with children than I do at a cocktail
party making small talk. I am happiest walking anywhere hand in hand with my
children, doing my very best to answer their many questions. I move to stay alive.
I find women to be the most critical of other women. We can be quick to judge,
especially when a woman is doing something we secretly envy. What we judge
in another woman is often something we desire to be ourselves. The judgment
occurs when we compare ourselves to others. It is much easier to judge than to
act. Judgment makes us look ugly. It is the downfall of our species.
What we judge in another woman is often something we desire to be ourselves.
There is no need to compare ourselves to anyone else. If we can release the comparison
we will release the judgment. This is your life. You have the greatness within. You
are the one who will be able to achieve incredible things even if you are not one of
the sharks. Remember, that there are millions of other remarkable fish in the sea.
Watching Your Language

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done
without hope and confidence.
I move to stay alive.

I come from a great line of movers. My grandmother, Agnes, was a feminist
and entrepreneur long before her time. When my grandfather died she ran
our family restaurant, dedicated time to philanthropy and co-founded the first
womens network in our area. As a young girl I begged my Popo (Chinese for
grandmother) to allow me to attend these breakfasts with incredible women from
our community. In the late seventies my role models were the female business
owners from our town; I was certain to be one of these incredible women. That
womens network is still going strong today, long after my grandmothers death.
With all of this movement, I can accomplish many things and yet there are still
so many adventures to be had. There are other women who constantly move,
like the sharks, and perhaps they do it to stay alive. Perhaps it is all they know
women like Oprah; Angelina Jolie; my friend Kathy Coover, owner of a billiondollar company with hundreds of employees; Hillary Clinton; my friend Sharon
Jordan, a mother of four and top-selling realtor; and many others.
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Helen Keller
The first step to change may appear to be very fundamental, yet it is extremely
powerful. Oliver Wendell Holmes said, Language is the blood of the soul out
of which thoughts run and out of which they grow. What you think creates
how you feel, creates how you act, creates what you attract and ultimately how
you live your life. Your words are your power and it doesnt matter where you
are right now in your life. I guarantee that by changing your language you will
begin to change your life.
What you think creates how you feel, creates how you act, creates what you
attract and ultimately how you live your life.
What you say and how you say it is a direct reflection of who you truly are. If you
are constantly putting yourself down then you are consistently putting yourself
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last. Are you one of those women who, when complimented, tries to deflect it
away? When someone says, Wow you look great, do you say, I still have ten
pounds to lose, or This is a really old outfit? There is a difference between
genuine humility and self-loathing.
Your language is everything. What you say is what you attract. When you speak
negatively you get negative. When you speak positively, like a magnet, positive
things are drawn to you.
On a recent trip, I was with a woman who I truly adore. She raises money all
over the world for special projects in developing countries. Throughout the day
she would constantly say things like, I hope it doesnt rain, I hope no one gets
sick, I cant afford that, I will never be truly thin, Dont lose anything, and
other seemingly well-intentioned phrases that always had a sense of foreboding.
I gently suggested she observe what she was saying and sure enough she realized
that many of her expressions were negative.
Instead of saying something like, I hope no one gets sick, you could say, I
hope everyone stays well. When someone gives you a compliment simply say,
Thank you. When you use the word butas in, Thanks, but this is an
old dress, or Thanks, but I still have weight to loseyou are deflecting the
compliment and insulting the person who gave it to you. When you deny the
compliment you are basically calling the person a liar.
Have It All Woman Empowerment Exercise My Language

Think about your language. When someone gives you a compliment, think
about how it makes you feel, and focus on creating a response that gives back to
the person.
Take a moment to think about a compliment you received recently. What did
you say in response? How did it make you feel?
Compliment
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
___________________________________
How I Responded
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
___________________________________
How I Felt
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
___________________________________
One thing a Have It All Woman does is observe her language. She does not put
herself or her friends and family down by using negative words or by deflecting
compliments. If you believe, like I do, that we are all gifts from God, then
you must also believe that God does not create junk. If we still want to take
our health, our faith, our finances, our relationships and anything else to the
next level, then we must also be grateful for where we are at right now and use
language that is appropriate.
One thing a Have It All Woman does is observe her language.
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To accomplish anything, speak it into existence. To get things done with ease
let yourself know that you are in the process of redefining your life. Be thankful
that you are refocusing your life. Be enthusiastic that change for the better is
coming. Use words that create energy. Energy is magnetic and so are you.
Mother Teresa was once asked to be in an anti-war rally. She said, If you change
it to a peace rally let me know and I will be there. Mother Teresa felt that to be
against anything was to create more negative energy. To be for something, is to
create positive energy. By being for peace, she was moving forward. To be against
war would be staying still or moving backward.
Your words will attract whatever you want, so use the language of success. By
receiving compliments and training yourself to speak with definite and positive
purpose, you will naturally create a beautiful system of prioritizing your life.
When you can simply accept someone giving you open and honest feedback and
be gracious for your possibilities, the positive situations and circumstances will
flow; the decisions will be easier and you will know that putting yourself first
doesnt necessarily mean putting everyone else second.
Desperation
Guilt
Sadness
Anxiety
Stress
Shame
What happened there? Do you notice a pattern? How are you feeling right now?
Sit with these feelings for a moment. Now, read the next list of words slowly and
write down where you feel each one of them.
Word
Where I Feel it in My Body
Joy
Peace
Happiness
Fulfillment
Gratitude
All Language Has a Physical Reaction

Read the following words slowly and observe how you feel and where you feel
them in your body.
Word
Where I Feel it in My Body
Anger
Smile
Abundance
Love
Contentment
Wellness
Purpose Did you see the difference? How are you feeling now? Here is another
test. Say the word good out loud. Now say the word great with a smile on
your face. What happened?
Frustration
Hate
Fear
What if you went through your day using language that caused you to feel good?
What would happen to your body? What if you released feelings of anger, hurt
Poverty
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and frustration and spoke the following: I am in the process of achieving optimal
health, I am in the process of achieving all that I want, I am in the process of
attracting excellent relationships, and so forth? What would happen? Would you
feel better? Would you look better? Absolutely! It all starts with our words.
In our day-to-day lives we all have the opportunity to give and receive. We have
the gift of language and the choice to use it as a tool to create abundance in our
lives. Our day-to-day language offers us a chance to build a foundation. It gives
us the blessing of prioritizing what is most important.
When we speak words of encouragement, receive compliments, smile, show joy
and allow ourselves to be truly thankful, we see the miracle that we truly are.
Words alone are the basis for living a life where we are joyously able to put our
own wellbeing in first place, so we can go and achieve our divine purpose. The
Have It All Woman is master of her words, for words are mightier than anything
else.
When we speak words of encouragement, receive compliments, smile, show joy
and allow ourselves to be truly thankful, we see the miracle that we truly are.
Being In the Process Of

Im not going to limit myself just because people wont accept the fact
that I can do something else.
Dolly Parton, Musician
All right, so change might not happen in our timeline. I always say the how
and when is up to God. We can change our language and thus change our
feelings and perspective. Over ten years ago when I was working with people
who wanted to lose weight, I would ask them how much they wanted to release.
They would often look at me strangely.
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I would explain that releasing is about truly letting go. When we lose
something it often comes back. This would partially explain why almost 98% of
people who diet and lose weight regain it and more.
When people shared a goal to lose thirty pounds I would ask them how it felt
to say these words. Often they would reply that it felt hard and that they were
frustrated. Next I asked them to rephrase their goal and say the following: I am
in the process of releasing five pounds. Having repeated that phrase they would
then tell me that they had said they wanted to lose thirty pounds. That was
my point exactly. By focusing on releasing a smaller amount of weight, it seemed
much easier to address the original goal. The emotions were different. People
were more confident.
I was very successful in assisting clients with releasing weight because we did it
five pounds at a time. I also asked them to go to the store and put five pounds of
butter in their cart. That represents five pounds of fat. The visual is amazing so
if you have weight to release do this exercise. You do not have to buy the butter!
On this point, the final thing I want to say is that by stating we are in the process
of something, it takes the pressure away from achieving the goal, but not the
inspiration to accomplish it. It also allows us to slow down and enjoy the journey.
by stating we are in the process of something, it takes the pressure away from
achieving the goal, but not the inspiration to accomplish it.
Now that you are in the process of creating something more in your life it is
time to look at what matters most. In your life there are fundamentals such
as relationships, business, fun, faith, family, friendship, health, shelter and
giving back. We feel sick and become ill when our life is out of focus, when our
priorities are not in alignment with our divine purpose. When we limit our
desire to feel good we go astray and become bitter, angry and much worse.
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Finding Out Where I Am

Take a few minutes and write down a list of things you are in the process of doing.
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
daughters lunch or buy something on the way to school? If you make

lunch you wont have time to throw in a load of laundry and if you dont
do that, you wont have clean soccer uniforms for tonights game. Maybe
you can put your makeup on in the car? Perhaps you can be a little late
or forego a shower. As women we tend to weigh the outcomes of every
situation and therefore fret over the smallest things. When we have our
priorities straight, this doesnt happen because there is no question what
we need to do.
If you find yourself agonizing on the details, feeling overwhelmed, left out and
un-nurtured it is time to re-evaluate your priorities. When you are clear, the
world is clear. When the world is clear, endless possibilities emerge.
Can a Pyramid Balance on Its Tip?

A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of
everything else.
What is a Priority?
Bette Davis, Actor
Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV
To prioritize literally means to take precedence over something else. When you
create a priority in your life then everything else falls below it. What you choose
to prioritize is completely a personal decision. I have coached many women to
great success when they choose a priority that they had the discipline to make
choices based on this priority.
When I am working with people who want to improve their lives and take
themselves to the next level I ask them to draw a pyramid.
The pyramid balances on a solid foundation. It cannot balance on a point
or it will topple over. Your life is exactly the same way. You want to choose a
foundation that is strongone that can support your dreams, goals and desires.
Your foundation is everything.
Have you ever gotten up late and wondered how to squeeze in everything
with the limited time you had available to you? Should you make your
Your foundation provides a support for decision. If you are questioning what
to do, then knowing your top priority or foundation will assist you in finding
a solution. Most likely your foundation will not change and will stay with you
throughout your entire life.
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To prioritize literally means to take precedence over something else.
What is Important to Me?

Take a moment to list some of the things that are very important in your life.
1. _ __________________________________________________________
2. _ __________________________________________________________
3. _ __________________________________________________________
4. _ __________________________________________________________
5. _ __________________________________________________________
6. _ __________________________________________________________
7. _ __________________________________________________________
8. _ __________________________________________________________
When you look at this list what do you see? Is it about other people? Where do
you fit in? How does the list make you feel? What would happen if you made
one of these important items a priority in your life? What would happen if you
based your decisions solely on this thing? Does it sound ridiculous?
I am writing this chapter in Hong Kong, which is one of my favorite places in the
world. As an aside, when I am here I like to have Dim Sum at Ming Do or the
Metropol in Admiralty. They have a mango dessert that is absolutely incredible.
I love the kinetic energy of Hong Kong and the slight formality of the place. The
people are fantastic.
While here I had arranged a business meeting with a colleague and she asked if
she could invite two friends along. Matthew Ferry, the speaker and author, says,
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Whatever is offered, say yes and be a yes to life. I am open to meeting new
people so I agreed. Do you believe that you get exactly what you are seeking and
that there are no accidents? I do. I believe that the Universe is on purpose and I
was so grateful to meet this woman I will call Anne.
Anne was a striking lady of Chinese descent. Within minutes of our meeting
her, she shared with us that she had a son. She then proceeded to ask me to
guess how old her son was. I looked at Anne, who appeared to be in her early
thirties, and guessed that her son was four. She smiled a gorgeous beaming grin
and said, He is ten. How old do you think I am?
I do not care: man or woman, this is a loaded question. Guess too low and people
know you are not sincere, guess too high and people are insulted. Looking at
Anne, I honestly guessed that she was about thirty-four. She laughed, leaning in
and shared that she was actually old, and that she was forty-four.
I was surprised. She looked great. I asked Anne what she did as a way of finding
out what she did to look so healthy. She shared that she worked half days and
stayed at home with her son the other half. She shared that her husband worked
long hours and that they had lost the magic in their marriage. As I said, the
Universe is on purpose.
As lunch unfolded, Anne confided that she was not happy. For the last fifteen
years she had put everyones needs before her own. She was stuck, frustrated
and miserable. Looks can be deceiving and in this case, they were. Anne also
said that she felt too old to try something new. She was thinking of leaving her
husband and was wrestling with that because of her strong Catholic faith.
I looked into those beautiful eyes and could see the pain beyond the beauty.
From my heart, and my gut instinct, I told Anne that she needed to live her life
with more faith. She didnt have to know all of the answers and if she prayed to
God to let her see herself as He saw her then she eventually would. She told me
that I was the second person to tell her that very thing within the same number
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of days. I said, Anne, there is a message here for you. Anne clearly was trying
to balance her pyramid on its tip.
Sleepwalking
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that
we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that
frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? As we are liberated from
our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson, Author
So many women are sleepwalking through their lives. I have met thousands
of women who put everyone else first only to be frustrated, angry, sad and
unhealthy. If this is sounding familiar, then I implore you to pay close attention.
The truth is that we all have greatness within. To live a life where we give to
others out of anger or to suit anothers expectation is to cause resistance in your
body.
her lunch break and has quality family time from four oclock in the afternoon
until her daughters bedtime. She and her husband, Ben, have a great marriage.
They have known each other since high school.
What is her secret? Stella believes that exercise and health are the foundation
of everything. If she gets her workout in she is a better mother, wife, lover and
friend. She feels good about herself and her body. She and Ben choose healthy
foods and strive to get a good nights sleep. They also believe in quality time with
their daughter. Stella has great balance and she loves her job.
Before you judge, and some of you will, remember that becoming a Have It All
Woman is a process. Things were not always this way for Stella. She had battled
in the past with body image issues and she and Ben have really worked on their
marriage making time to get away by themselves every three to six months. She
also was firm with her work and let them know that she could be efficient and
get everything done by the afternoon even though she risked ridicule in a maledominated industry. Did I mention that she makes a six-figure salary?
Is Your Foundation Solid?

If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.
Louise Hay, the author, says that for every illness there is an emotion attached.
More and more women are living lives of conflict and we are seeing illness on
the rise. I can count, on both hands and feet, friends who have MBAs and who
left high-powered careers to stay at home. Staying at home is worthy as long as
you do not lose yourself in the process. Being someones mom and partner is
noble only if you are doing it for the right reasonsonly if you are doing it from
your heart and not to seek the approval of others.
In Stellas story we heard about a woman who used exercise, healthy eating,
rest, vacations and strict 8-hour work days to achieve what she wanted. With
Anne we saw a woman who was struggling to find herself after years of putting
everyones needs before her own. Which story do you resonate with the most?
My friend, Stella, is a Have It All Woman. She has a great career with flexible
hours and a company with fabulous benefits. She leaves the house first thing in
the morning and is there to pick her daughter up from childcare. She exercises on
Personally, I have been both women. I was in struggle mode, giving to others,
trying to please others, worried about people not liking me, worried about
abandonment, trying to be perfect and ended up sick, broke, and a single mom.
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Louise L. Hay
When I found out the secret to being a Have It All Woman my life changed
dramatically. Wherever you are in your life there is room to grow, so adopting
this simple principle can assist you in achieving the greatness within.
If we go back to your list of priorities, where do you come in? In Chapter One I
asked, Who are you, really? Now I want to assist you in coming to terms with
making a decision to Step Into Your Power and choose to balance your pyramid
on a solid base of health, faith and love.
The Base of the Have It All Womans Life Pyramid - Health,

Faith and Love
Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
Mother Teresa
Our health is our greatest blessing. With wonderful health you can be a better
partner, entrepreneur, employee, mother, friend, lover, and philanthropist; you
can even be better spiritually. Pastor Joel Osteen says that when we treat our
body like a temple we become closer to God. God wants us to treat our body like
the gift and miracle that it is. We will go over the Have It All Womans Guide
to Health in the next chapter.
Health is the key to everything. When you are healthy you have more energy
and better focus; your life becomes more productive in every way. You may
live longer, feel better and make better decisions. When you feel sad, tired and
irritable what good are you to anyone? Health has got to be your focus.
on faith. In business, romance, health and even picking up this book, you are
constantly using your faith to make decisions.
Faith can help you through the most challenging times. When you have faith
and you have health, you can move mountains. I live my life on faith. When I
was financially destitute my faith had to be stronger than my perceived reality. If
I had focused only on what was happening as opposed to what I believed to be
possible, I wouldnt be writing this book today.
I have met women who profess not to believe in God. I ask them if they are
doubting God or they are doubting religion. These are not one in the same.
Wars said to be fought over God are always wars fought over religion, which is
mans interpretation of God. I hope that if you are doubting God, you will be
inspired to believe again. You may not ascribe to traditional religion, but I would
encourage you to ascribe to traditional God.
I have read many times and heard Oprah Winfrey say, One percent doubt is
zero percent faith. Faith alone can move mountains. A book I love is Cynthea
Kerseys Unstoppable, stories of people who defy the odds based on faith.
What do you have faith in? Do you believe that you are guided by a force
stronger than yourself and that this force truly wants a better life for you? If so
then you have a beautiful foundation and are ready to embrace the future. If
not, then it is my strongest desire that, as you read this book, your faith will
indeed grow.
Faith will also fuel everything you do. Regardless of our religious orientation,
at all times in our lives we will be faced with situations that require us to act
When we have health and faith as our foundation, and make them a priority, we
are in a position to live a more balanced life and achieve the life of our dreams.
Taking time every day to exercise, take deep cleansing breaths, take in clean
water, nourish your body with healthy foods, get adequate rest, and focus on
what you believe to be possible is the basis of an incredible life. When we add
love to our foundationand by love I am referring to self-lovewe now become
powerful beyond measure.
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When you are healthy you have more energy and better focus; your life becomes
more productive in every way.
When we have health and faith as our foundation, and make them a priority, we
are in a position to live a more balanced life and achieve the life of our dreams.
Love is a gift that has been bestowed upon us. The ability to love and be loved is
something humans have done for their entire existence. To know true love, even
if only once, is to live a full life. Love, in and of itself is a wonderful foundation,
though it will be enhanced many times over with faith and health.
The ability to love and be loved is something humans have done for their
entire existence.
When coaching clients I do a self-love inventory. I want to know if the person
I am working with is able to love him- or herself. To fully and completely love
ourselves requires love of all aspects. We must love and embrace our bodies,
our personalities, our minds, our finances, our relationships and choose to be
happy now knowing that this is not a destination but merely an observation
point. Many women struggle with self-love because they fail to realize that it is a
beautiful process and not something we suddenly wake up feeling one morning.
I was working with a coaching clientlets call her Jenny. Jenny was a pretty girl,
married to a successful entrepreneur. Together, they had two beautiful children.
Yet Jenny was struggling to find her passion. She didnt know what she wanted.
When she married her husband she thought she would be happy by being
married. When she still felt slightly empty she thought that having a baby would
be the answer. When one baby didnt fill the void she had a second. Raising the
children wasnt enough, so Jenny went back to school to study something new.
She realized that she still wasnt happy.
No matter how much Botox, liposuction, exercise, breast augmentation, weight
loss, hair style changes, new clothes or other attempts made to fill the void,
Jenny was not happy. During our phone conversations when I would ask Jenny
what she truly liked about herself, there would be minutes of silence because she
just could not come up with even one thing.
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I explained to Jenny that in order to truly love anyone else she must first love
herself. She objected and said, I love my children. I gently said, I am sure you
do, though not in the way that is unconditional. Your children are also from
your body and soul. You are in them. If you do not love yourself you cannot love
that part of them which is you.
Jenny began to weep. This was the first time in her life she realized that pure
satisfaction comes not from the outsideit comes from the inside. To live life
to our fullest potential requires self-love. A great affirmation for you to practice
is this: I am in the process of loving myself. This does not necessarily happen
quickly. Self-love takes time. It is truly part of a solid life foundation.
As for Jenny, she is still in the process. She has moved into a new home, is still
raising her children, married to her husband and working on loving herself
piece by piece. Jenny is a beautiful woman inside and out.
Self-love is essential to living into becoming a Have It All Woman. We must
love ourselves enough to be on the journey. We must muster enough courage
to embrace the women we are. By practicing self-love, tending to our health and
having faith in the future we create a solid base to our life pyramidone that can
withstand our perceived disappointments and challenges.
Recently my friends went to a funeral. Their friend, a pastors wife, had died
at age 45. She was obese at 300 pounds, and had died due to severe gangrene
which was festering in her body without her knowledge. She did not practice
self-love, did not put her health at the forefront of her decisions, and although
she may have had faith, it was not enough to keep her alive. She left her children
ages 16, 14 and 10 behind. Her death was preventable and her lack of self-care
was indeed an act of selfishness.
Would this dear woman have enhanced her chances of a vital life with her family
had she made health and self-love a priority? Absolutely. Deaths from obesity are
almost certainly preventable. If you are reading this and you have weight to release
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and people who love you, then get out and go for a daily walk, drink plenty of
water and focus on eating right. The gift of life is the greatest gift you can give.
How did you feel while writing? Did you feel powerful? Did it flow? Perhaps it was
challenging. I do guarantee that by focusing on this exercise every day and giving
yourself permission for self-love, you will ultimately find this easier and easier.
Have It All Womans Empowerment Exercise Self-Love

Self-love is an important skill. To truly love ourselves is a process and not a
destination. Health and faith will assist us in becoming all that we are capable
of being. If we truly believe that we are divinely inspired then we must work on
loving ourselves.
Making Decisions Based on Your Life Pyramid Foundation

It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J.K. Rowling - Author
Write down 10 things that you love about yourself. Do not leave this book or
finish the exercise before you have ten. For the next seven days take time every
morning to think about all that is right about you. Self-love does not mean
self-absorption. To truly love ourselves and be in the process of becoming more
allows us to fully love others.
When I learned to honor myself by making decisions based on my life pyramid

foundation, new opportunities, incredible people and situations opened up
before me. I operated from a place of love and peace, as opposed to resentment
at being last. In your life, making decisions based on your priorities also teaches
others how to respond to you.
10 Things I Love About Myself
When I learned to honor myself by making decisions based on my life pyramid

foundation, new opportunities, incredible people and situations opened up
before me.
1. _ __________________________________________________________
2. _ __________________________________________________________
3. _ __________________________________________________________
4. _ __________________________________________________________
5. _ __________________________________________________________
6. _ __________________________________________________________
7. _ __________________________________________________________
8. _ __________________________________________________________
Some people call me disciplined. They say things like, I couldnt do what you
do, or I dont know how you do it. The truth is that my life pyramid has such
a strong foundation that it is easy to start the day with a good conscience. How
I begin and end my day is a reflection of my pyramid.
In the morning I get up and thank God for all of the possibilities. I take a
few moments to breathe deeply and be truly grateful for my life. Here I am
expressing self-love and faith. This is a beautiful start to any day.
10.___________________________________________________________
After I get going I do a short routine of yoga and a few moments of quiet meditation
where I focus on what I want and allow my mind to be still. After this I head to my
office to write. The morning is the best time to do this and my mind is much more
open once I have done a little exercise, which is the health component.
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9. _ __________________________________________________________
When my children get up we have cuddles. I ask them how they are doing. I
feed them breakfast. We chat. They get ready for their daily activities. Once they
are gone off to school, I head out for a run or down to our home gym for my
workout. I find sweating is an excellent way to release stress, boost your immune
system and honor your health. Once my workout is done, I shower and prepare
for the day.
We take vitamins and protein shakes, from a company called Isagenix, and
drink plenty of water. All day long we honor our bodies with good nutrition.
We also take the occasional time to indulge in something we love, like a good
meal, a glass of wine or a dessert. Balance is essential, and even the occasional
indulgence can be good for your health.
For my husband and myself, health is a priority in our lives. We get up early
to exercise because in all honesty it is not likely to happen later. Getting in
our morning workout helps us to be better parents, entrepreneurs, friends and
lovers; it also gives us a greater sense of purpose and self-esteem.
No matter how you feel about exercise, the time to start is now. Find something
you love to do. Get up and get moving. It is a great gift.
The base of your pyramid is the most important. Starting your day by
honoring each area will bring you greater fulfillment for the entire day. The
most successful women I know begin their day with meditation, exercise and
positive self-talk. How can we expect to pour belief or love into another if we
cannot do it for ourselves?
Although it takes time to develop a new routine, it can be the greatest gift you
give yourself.
The Second Level - Relationships

If things are going untowardly one month, they are sure to mend the next.
Jane Austen
Once you have dedicated yourself to putting your health, faith and love at the
forefront, the next area becomes apparent: it is our relationships. Relationships
with our partner, children, grandchildren, sister, brother, father, mother, friends,
colleagues and others are truly a significant portion of our lives.
As you can see by our morning routine, we make decisions based on our
pyramid. We never feel left out, sad for ourselves or bitter because we honor our
bodies, minds and souls by using faith, love and health as a guide. All day long
we make sure to set these at the forefront of our lives. I am constantly praying,
being thankful and saying genuine I love yous all throughout the day.
Human beings possess a strong need to connect. We innately want to feel part
of something or someone. As women we may call on our girlfriends in times
of need or that special best friend who is always there. The key is that we must
invest in our relationships if we want them to invest back in us.
You can change right now. Although it takes time to develop a new routine, it
can be the greatest gift you give yourself. Even if you are a single mom with little
flexibility, get up and take time to be thankful, do some yoga or floor exercises for
20 minutes, drink at least two glasses of pure water, take some quality vitamins
and watch how you become a better mother, employee and life master. Yes, you
may have to get up 20 minutes earlier, but it is absolutely worth it.
Where Your Focus Goes, Your Energy Flows
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Champions keep playing until they get it right.

Billy Jean King, Athlete
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My friend Kathy Smith, a multi-millionaire and mother of seven, loves to say,

Where your focus goes, your energy flows. If we focus on one area we will
enhance that aspect of our life, whether it is positive or negative. I have seen
many wealthy people who were extremely unhealthy and unhappy because their
relationships were unstable. If you focus your energy on your children you
will develop great relationships. However, if you only focus on your children
your relationship with your partner may suffer. This is why the concept of the
pyramid is so important.
I love to share the parable of the farmer and his field. A farmer had two fields
and in the spring planted seeds in both. While one field bloomed with healthy,
baby plants, the other had nothing. The farmer went to the field without plants
and sowed more seeds, watered and fertilized the soil and tended to the area
with focused resolve. Much to his delight the field began to yield beautiful, baby
plants. When he turned to look at the other field, all of the plants had died. In
ignoring his healthy plants to create new ones, the others had gone unattended
so they withered up and ceased to be no more.
Once you have your foundation, you must make a decision to enhance your most
important relationships. In our family, the goal is to have loving relationships
so our day is scheduled with a mixture of business, family time, health and
relaxation. As I mentioned, it wasnt always this way and that is why Chris and I
strived to become financially free so we could have more time with our children.
Believe meno matter where you are right now, you can have any life you dream
as long as you focus.
The same is true of our relationships: when we take for granted the ones that are
flourishing, we soon find that they wither and die.
I have had clients, powerful women, who operated almost entirely from guilt.
When they were with their family they felt guilty they were not working, when
they were working they felt guilty they were not with their family, when they were
exercising they thought of all the things they could be doing instead. No wonder
stress causes premature aging. I am getting stressed just thinking about it.
I used to operate from guilt. The chief reason was that I did not have my
priorities straight and did not live into any kind of structure; in getting my head
on straight I was inspired to create the Have It All Womans pyramid to assist
other women like myself. Converting to a schedule where I took solid time for
my family and invested in the relationships with my husband and children with
focused daily energy was a challenge in the beginning, but as I went on I noticed
that I became more effective as an entrepreneur and a parent.
People with whom I do regular business with know that I am not available
between 4:00 and 8:30 p.m. There are no exceptions. That is family time because
my children and my husband are the next block in my life pyramid.
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The Third Level Business and Money

Everything we say signifies; everything counts, that we put out into the
world. It impacts on kids, it impacts on the zeitgeist of the time.
Meryl Streep, Actor
Once we tend to our relationships, even if it a brief love note left in a brief case
or a Post-It note in a lunch pail, we are significantly more prepared to handle our
business and financial life.
My friend Jaerik Robbins, Anthony Robbins son, says, The same people who
criticize financial prosperity are dying to find out if what they are saying is true.
Money may not buy happiness but it does provide choice. We do require money
to survive and in the chapter on finances we will discuss some strategies.
Many women do not have their financial house in order. I have met many
women through the Have It All Womens Weekend who actually have no clue
what is going on in their bank accounts. As of 2009, women in their fifties were
entering the workforce in droves with the primary reason being divorce. After
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putting their career down, and dedicating time to their families, they were now
out in the work world with no child support or alimony, needing to find a job.
Unfortunately, we still live in a largely patriarchal society where men out-earn
women and the majority of maternity leaves far outnumbers paternity leaves.
As women, we must retain some degree of knowledge about what is happening
financially.
When my marriage ended, I had no clue as to how we were doing financially. I
had given all of my control to my husband. At the end of our marriage we were
so in debt that we couldnt afford to keep our business going. We lost everything.
I speak from experience when I suggest that you never give up your power when
it comes to money. I pray that you never divorce or lose your partner however
life happens and preparation is the best ally during challenging times.
The Fourth Level - Contribution and Giving Back

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
Maya Angelou
I love to say that we can never give from a well that is empty and yet most women
do just that. We often gracefully give and horribly receive. There is much truth
in the notion that we must contribute; however, we can only honorably do so
with a full heart and from a place of authenticity.
I caution women not to give from a place of guilt. If you friend is guilting
you into volunteering, taking you away from your family when you dont want
to then you are not showing integrity. We can only give from a full heart if we
take care of ourselves first. That may indeed sound egotistical, but what is more
selfish is to give at the price of your relationships or your health. As a Have It All
Woman you get to a place where you give because you want to and give because
you have a genuine desire to assist without guilt, anger or the fear of loss.
The Fifth Level - Fun

I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.
Katharine Hepburn
Why is fun at the top of the pyramid? The answer is simple: many of us forget
to have it. Fun is a choice that we can incorporate into every other aspect of the
pyramid. Why can exercise not be fun? Why can saving money not be fun? Why
can sex not be fun with our partner? We can choose to have fun at any time we
wantwe have just perhaps forgotten how.
People often remark how our children are always singing, laughing or being
silly. Our home is sometimes mistaken for a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.
There have been several dinner parties where the children, with absolutely no
suggestion on our part, have performed dinner theatre for the guests. I am truly
in awe of their creativity and talent.
We can make a decision to contribute at any time. It may be as simple as a

genuine compliment or a smile or perhaps taking time to volunteer. On a larger,
though not necessarily more significant scale, giving may come in the form of
financial contribution. I am a big believer in contribution of all kinds. When
we give from a place of genuinely not expecting anything in return, it is magical;
we automatically begin to receive.
The reality is that our children just choose to have fun. Dinner parties can be very
boring for kids so they make the most out of it. Chris and I look at them with
wonderthat is to say we wonder why we arent having as much fun as they are.
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Yes, the day-to-day milieu of our lives can suck the fun out of living like a black
hole; however, we can choose to incorporate more fun in our lives by making
time for things that we truly do find fun.
Yes, the day-to-day milieu of our lives can suck the fun out of living like a black
hole; however, we can choose to incorporate more fun in our lives by making
time for things that we truly do find fun.
Not long ago I went and spent a weekend with my friend in California. Our
express purpose was to simply have fun. It had been almost eight years since my
friend had been to a movie! We chose and absolute chick flick and had a blast.
We laughed until it hurt; it was fantastic.
Spending time with girlfriends can be wonderfully fun. Simply going out for an
hour to chat or renting a comedy can be physical medicine. Studies show that
laughter actually reduces stress levels and for women, this can lead to decreased
weight and lower the risk for other diseases.
Let me ask you this: what do you do to have fun? When was the last time you
had fun? Do you remember the last time you had a giant belly laugh? Sometimes
we go so long without joy that we barely recall a time when we simply had
fun. Children, on the other hand, make it a priority. As I write this my oldest
daughter is singing to her brother and sister who are giggling loud enough so we
can hear them even though they are supposed to be asleep.
What would your life be like if you stopped taking yourself so seriously? What
would happen if you laughed more? You actually can and the first step is to
decide to have fun now no matter how mundane the task.
A friend of mine signs all of his checks with a giant happy face. In fact, his
signature on record at the bank includes the happy face too. Writing checks can
be tedious and my friend chooses to simply have fun with it. He is going to write
them anyway, so why not?
Choose to embrace more fun in your life. Sit down with your family and make
a list of things that you have fun doing. Take opportunities to have more fun;
you will feel lighter, less stressed and absolutely show up brighter in your life.
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One Level at a Time

I dont believe in perfection. I dont think there is such a thing. But the
energy of wanting things to be great is a perfectionist energy.
Reese Witherspoon
With a solid foundation and the next levels intact, decisions now become clear.
If you have that extra 20 minutes and you havent exercised yet, then the obvious
choice is to do your workout. If you have already had a workout and you have
not yet taken quality time with your child, then it is easy to make the decision.
The biggest piece is to let go of perfection and simply go with it. It may take days
or months to begin living according to the pyramid, but rest assured, at some
point, it will be as effortless as though it was part of your life always.
By defining your life with your pyramid, you become stronger and release guilt,
anger, and that sense of being overwhelmed. When we make decisions based on our
life pyramid we begin to achieve our goals with ease. Our life passions also manifest
themselves and we are easily able to do more of the things we love. Remember, this
change happens moment by moment and day by day. Embrace a new you.
Tips for Living into Your Have It All Pyramid

Let go of comparison to others.
Watch your languageuse words that create positive emotion.
Be In the Process Of.
Set a solid foundation of health, faith and love.
Be present in your life.
Know what is important to you.
Love yourself.
Make decisions by your pyramid.
Give only out of true desire and not out of guilt.
Bring the fun factor into all aspects of your life.
Let go of perfection.
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The HIAW Pyramid

Take a few minutes to review the Have It All Womans Life Pyramid. Are you out
of balance in any area? Where do you feel you need to focus?
It is said that life is a journey, not a destination. I agree, and along the way as life
happened I felt my life had become just a series of destinations. On the go all
the time, putting myself on the back burner, always trying to get ahead, when at
the end of the day once again I was behind. Then it happened. An opportunity
from a woman I hardly knew and I said, YES!
It was January 2007 in Dallas, Texas, at a More Heart than Talent conference
that I first heard Susan Sly. She was young, beautiful, successful, honest, and
genuine. I had to meet her! So I signed up for the Women In Power conference
in February with the intention of meeting and connecting with Susan on a
personal and professional level. The rest is history.
Susan Sly and her superior team have assisted me on my journey through many
coaching and conference opportunities. As a Have It All Woman I have learned
how to step into my power and play at 100% in any situation. I have also let go
of perfection and learned how to enjoy my uniqueness. I can now present myself
as a sexy Mom, Businesswoman, and Wife and that has opened the doors to
success in all areas of my life. Thank you Susan Sly for sharing your knowledge,
wisdom, heart, and most of all your life with women all over the world. You are
a Have It All Woman.
Kim Players, Entrepreur
Chap t e r F o ur
Th e H av e I t A l l
W o m a n s Guid e t o
Op t i m a l H e a l t h
Honor the Lord with your body
I Corinthians 6:20
Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

Im very definitely a woman and I enjoy it.
Marilyn Monroe
In the last chapter we spoke about creating the pyramid for your life, letting go
of guilt and putting your health first. At this point you may be thinking, I cant
put my health first; that would be selfish. You are not alone; many women feel
the same way, and I was once of the same mindset.
If you have ever traveled on an airplane, you may recall the safety overview. I have
been flying for so long that I remember when people were allowed to smoke on
airplanes, which I find incredibly funny, considering all of the potential dangers.
We have, however, come a long way, and today the safety overview is often
performed by video, instead of by a person, on smoke-free flights.
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Why is health the greatest blessing any woman has?

Women must take care of their health, obviously for themselves, and also to create
magnificence in the world. When women can free themselves from pain and discomfort
they can touch everyone they come into contact with. Women have a crucial role to play
in the Universe.
I would ask every womanwhat is your purpose? What is your legacy? With improved
health, whose life can you also awaken? As a woman you have the power to create change
and the only way you can do that is to take care of yourself.
Dr. Tony ODonnell
Author - Miracle Super Foods That Heal
Tony has been featured on CNN, ABC, NBC and more. He is a naturopathic doctor,
herbalist and nutritionist. He resides in Los Angeles, California, where he maintains
optimal health. To find out more about Tony go to www.radiantgreens.com
my courses and seminars, I assist women with re-framing the notion of putting
themselves first. I teach that it is more selfish to put yourself last, because as the
resentment builds everyone and everything else suffers.
What does it really take to put yourself first? It is simple: it starts by making a
decision. Simply make a decision that your day will be better when you take care
of your health, express your faith and allow feelings of love to flow. Okay, you are
probably saying, Susan, you have got to be kidding. I dont have time for all of
that. With that kind of attitude you are likely right. However, in this chapter I am
going to show you how to build a foundation to be a strong Have It All Woman.
This is the longest chapter because health is the keynote of your life. I have
written many articles on health, and couldor may somedaywrite a book
dedicated to womens health. For the purpose of this book, it is my intention to
give you the tools for a healthy life. Remember, no matter where you are, it is a
starting point, so lace up those runners and lets get started.
What is Health?
In the video, when they get to the part about the oxygen mask, they always
instruct parents to put the mask on themselves before they put it on their child.
This is done for obvious reasons, because if the parent loses oxygen then there
is no one to save the child.
Your health is no different. How do you expect to be of benefit to anyone if you
do not put your well-being first? How can you be a good mother, partner, friend,
employee, business owner or anything at all if you are not energized and healthy?
The simple answer is that you cant. Your health is your greatest blessing, as
my friend and celebrated author Dr. Tony ODonnell always shares.
How do you expect to be of benefit to anyone if you do not put your well-being first?
Beauty is not just physical.

Halle Berry - Actor
Health is the greatest blessing we have. It is the foundation for everything we
dream. Health by definition is personal. It is about having the ability to live your
life to its fullest potential. It is not about anothers ideal.
Many women abuse their health. We look to the media to guide us in terms
of what we should look like and what size we should be. Often this leads to
frustration when our results do not mirror those on the magazine cover.
As women, the decision to put ourselves first is often laden with guilt. How can
we put ourselves in front of our children, job, partner, family and friends? In
Health is about vitality. It is about living in a state free of disease. It is about

having freedom and peace within ones own body. It is about creating the
connection between your soul and your physical being.
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Health is about having freedom and peace within our own body.
In my travels I have encountered many women who define themselves by their
disease. They say things like, I could never do what you do; I have fibromyalgia.
Or, I cant exercise; I have bad knees. Of course, whatever you say is true to
you so if that is your prerogative, then it must be real.
As women we are so quick to judge. The truth is that we can never know what
is going on with another woman until we really take the time to get to know
her. One of my mentors, a company owner and brilliant business woman, looks
at least fifteen years younger than her actual age. Her abs are rock hard, her
skin is radiant and she is the picture of health. People could say that she has
great genetics and make an entire host of excuses of why they cannot be like my
mentor. The fact is that she works very hard.
My mentor, at the age of 58, gets up every morning and works out for at least an
hour. She answers e-mails and responds to voicemail and is dressed and ready to
go to her office by 9:00 a.m. She eats a very healthy diet, cleanses her body and
takes the highest quality nutritional supplements. She drinks plenty of water
and makes sure she gets at least seven solid hours of sleep per night. She is also
a cancer survivor and a mother.
In my case, when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I have to admit that
I thought it was a death sentence. I was eating a gluten-free diet, exercising,
drinking about four liters of water every day, going to the chiropractor, getting
regular therapy massage and taking vitamins. My stress, however, was at a
record high and my immune system gave out. Somehow I held it all together by
maintaining all of my obligations. No one knew that I was suffering in silence.
In those days I truly cared about what people thought. The more I felt that I was
letting people down, the more stressed out I became. I couldnt sleep at night. I
dreaded my day. I truly didnt want to go on.
As my marriage fell apart and I lost my business, I thought my world was ending,
but in reality the opportunities were emerging. My life was being made clear so I
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could go and do other things. At the pinnacle of my illness I was in the hospital
with shingles all over my bodyand when I say all over I mean every inch of
every part of my body.
I had been in Alabama racing the Powerman Duathlon. I had already been
diagnosed with MS and, being me, wanted to do the race anyway. The Powerman
is a 10-kilometer run followed by a 60-kilometer bike and another 10-kilometer
run. At the beginning of the race I was having difficulty breathing. My entire
body ached. I had been up the night before with a fever and yes, I showed up
anyway. I had sponsors and a coach. People were relying on me. I had not yet
learned the lesson of putting my own health first.
About fifteen minutes after the gun went off I collapsed in front of ESPN II. I
went back to my hotel and my body was hot with fever and pain. The rash started
behind my knees and in the small of my back. It spread over my entire body. A
doctor falsely diagnosed me with hives and gave me two cortisone injections.
These, I later found out, had caused the virus to spread at a more aggressive and
intense rate.
When I came back to Canada, I was a mess. I had the worst case of shingles the
doctors had ever seen; add to that multiple sclerosis and a thyroid gland that was
on the verge of collapse. I was exhausted, in a tremendous amount of pain and,
basically, my body was saying, Okay Susan, I give up.
In my darkest times I cried. I didnt feel like I had a purpose. I didnt know
why I was here. I felt hopeless, like the mountain was too big. In those days I
remember reading about a boy who was stranded in a very deep well for about
five days and survived. I recall thinking, I understand this feeling: being stuck
deep down in a hole looking at the daylight and it seeming so far away, feeling
as though the world was closing in and the weight of the cold walls was slowly
suffocating me one day at a time.
In my darkest times I cried. I didnt feel like I had a purpose.
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The boy was rescued and survived. For me, it would be several years before I
would regain enough energy to move forward. This is why, whether you realize
it or not, your health is always tied to faith and love.
In the spring of 2000 I made a pact with Godwell on my end it was a pact anyway.
I prayed to God that if He would help me become victorious over my disease, my
failed marriage, my financial failure and my train wreck of a life, I would in turn
dedicate the rest of my life to empowering women. Eight years later I wrote the
first version of the Have It All Woman in hopes of inspiring women to stay strong
no matter what. As I have said before, no matter where you are right now, you are
at the beginning. Anything is possible. I have been a witness.
Today I am healthier than I have ever been in my life. I recently ran the Boston
Marathon and have peace in my body. Long gone are the resistance and the
desire to please others. Health is my personal victory. I do dedicate myself to
feeling well. Like my mentor, I cleanse, exercise to the degree that I feel well on
that day, make sure I get a sound seven hours of sleep, take time for play, drink
plenty of water and keep my stress low. When I was so sick, I never could have
imagined a life like this, so please understand that you can be healthy no matter
what it looks like right now.
also necessary, because to go on exactly as you are means to have no difference

in the outcome.
Change is also necessary, because to go on exactly as you are means to have no
difference in the outcome.
Change takes discipline. So many women wish they could continue on the same
path and experience a different result. They look to pills, magic diets, certain
types of exercise and an entire array of things to achieve what they consider to be
optimal health. Your body is a result of what you do consistently, and therefore
change will not happen in a day or even a week. Once we find a routine that
yields results we must stay with it and not withdraw in fear or look to the next
best thing.
For the past few years, I have practiced nutritional cleansing, which is the process
of drawing impurities out of the body. For many women, this yields great results
and they report higher energy, better mental focus, increased drive, reduced
cravings and a reduction in body fat. Even athletes on the program benefit in
terms of recovery and performance. Cleansing is as old as recorded history. My
doctor and I believe it is the key to my health success.
A Starting Point
What is sexy?
To keep the body in good health is a duty. . . otherwise we shall not be

able to keep our mind strong and clear.
A woman is never sexier than when she is comfortable in her clothes.
Buddha
All things must have a beginning. You may be fit and healthy, you may be obese,
you may be lying in a hospital bed or somewhere in between. Wherever you are
right now is your starting point. There may be a great deal of change required
or very little. Regardless of the magnitude, change can be frightening. Change is
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Vera Wang, Designer

Feeling sexy is an unmistakable feeling. It makes us feel happy, adored and
unbeatable. The world is at our feet. We glow and smile and our mind, body and
soul is integrated into one great presence that is 100% beautiful and unique to us.
Some women feel sexy regularly while for others it is an occasional joy. Heres the
good news: women who are in touch with their sexy selves arent equipped with
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anything specialthey just practice more! This means that all of us have the ability
to let this joyful sexy side of us enrich our lives...should we dare to let it happen.
I think real sexiness comes from self-love and self-acceptance. I have never
met anyone who was sad, depressed, angry or filled with bitterness and selfhatred who felt sexy. Its impossible. Feeling sexy is tied up with all the
other positive feelings we can have: confidence, happiness, joyfulness, selfadoration. It becomes part of those magical and powerful feelings that we
want to create, nurture and hang on to because it makes the world and our
lives more beautiful.
Sexy is a feeling, a state of mind, a philosophy of self-love, happiness and beauty.
It is being in love with yourself and comfortable in your skin. It is an appreciation
of all you arewhat you were and what you will become. It is a savored moment
in the present, sweet memories of the past and an expectant joyfulness about
the future. And yes, it draws people to us because it has a spark and light that
is irresistible!
How did you become comfortable with your body?

Although I feel that I live a sensual and sexy life, like most women, being happy
and comfortable with my body has good days and discontented days. However,
one advantage I have is that I have always been active. That has developed a
feeling that my body is more what it can do than just how it looks. When I
move, I feel a deep connection to my body and because the moving makes me
feel beautiful and allows me to express the real me, it brings me joy. And that in
turn makes me love my body. Through the thin times, the bigger times, the I
wish I had times and the if only I was a bit more... times, my body has always
been a wonderful connection to my soul and my heart. I am a firm believer in
the importance of the health and wealth of the mind, body and soul to fully
realize our unique selves. Move. Dance. Connect.
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What can a woman do to feel comfortable with her sexuality?

Sexuality is a complicated idea. How we feel about our sexuality will be wrapped up in
our whole sexual history. That history will likely be filled with things we loved and also
things we wished hadnt happened or things we regret. It will also be affected by what
our sexual life is at this present moment; do we have a wonderful sex life? None? Or an
unsatisfactory connection with our lover/husband/boyfriend? The way we think about
sexuality is largely based on our sexual resume. First step, lets place that resume on
a shelf and leave it there as we claim our sensual and sexual lives for ourselvesright
here, right now. Lets allow ourselves to feel good and beautiful and sensual, not as an
indulgent treat but as a natural gift we were born with.
Secondly, there are no rules to being sexy. It comes from the inside out, not the other way
around. You dont need to wear a thong or have high heels or wear red lipstick or have wild
sexual fantasies! I have met beautiful young women unable to find their sexy/beautiful
selves and women with average bodies or older in years who radiate sensuality, fun
and sexiness. Do you know someone like this? Hang out with them and let their courage
inspire you.
Then, try to define the moments when you feel sexy. Notice what led up to that feeling.
And if you havent felt it in a while, when was the last time? What happened? Tune into
what makes you feel sexy and try to re-create that.
Fourthly, tap into your sensual self. Sensuality comes from our enjoyment of life and the
world around us. Laughter. Friends. Wonderful food and wine. Music that makes us sing
and dance. Beautiful fabrics and touches against our skin. The fall breeze. The summer
sun. Our enjoyment of life and our enjoyment of ourselves will embrace our feminine and
sexual power and is part of what makes us womenthe fabulous creatures that we are!
Sophie Luxton
Speaker, Instructor, Performer
Have It All Womans Weekend Instructor
www.sophieluxton.com
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My Health Goals
Write down five health goals that have meaning for you.
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
Always write your goals in the present and create them in the positive. Instead
of saying, I want to lose fifteen pounds, say, I am in the process of weighing
______. Instead of saying, I am fighting cancer, say, My body is in the process
of being the picture of health. When we focus on getting rid of something, it
often comes back.
Let me ask you, if you could be on your way to any health goal right now, what
would it be? Would you want to be leaner? Would you want to be more peaceful?
Would you want to start a new exercise program such as running? What are your
special health goals?
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
Could You Do One Thing Every Day?
Ask yourself why you want to change.
I like to take up something that is challenging. I like to stretch myself.

Christine Lahti, Actor
Establishing Health Goals

I wouldnt dream of working on something that didnt make my gut
rumble and my heart want to explode.
Now that you have your health goals down, let me ask you: could you do at least
one thing every day to move yourself closer to your goals? Could you drink more
water? Could you get more rest? Could you clean up your eating? Could you
make time for exercise? Remember, without your health you can be of little good
to anyone despite your best intentions, so the time for change is now, no matter
how much resistance you may be feeling.
All journeys must have a destination. Your goals are that destination. You must
know what you want to achieve with your health. Perhaps you wish to breathe
free and clear, maybe it is to have your body free of resistance, or it could be
around pain, weight, fatigue, cravings and so much more. The reality is that you
must have health goals that are meaningful to you. Be unique.
When I am working with people who have specific health goals, I ask for their
commitment level on a scale from one to ten with ten being the absolute highest.
If their answer is not a ten I know they are not very dedicated to the goal. At
this point, we go back and look at the possible fears around achieving their
goal. Perhaps they feel more pressure when they are lean, perhaps they feel that
no matter what they do they wont achieve it and lastly, perhaps this goal is for
someone else.
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Kate Winslet, Actress
We Are the Sum of What We Do Daily

Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus
operandi and change your world.
Annie Lennox, Musician
Our bodies, our minds and our very being are the sum of what we do on a daily
basis. I had a client who exercised every day. She also ate M&Ms and binged
after her kids went to sleep every night. As a result, her heart was in good shape
but her body was not. We worked together on creating some new habits and she
is much healthier.
Our bodies, our minds and our very being are the sum of what we do on a daily basis.
Although I was obese as a child, and at one point, in early adulthood, weighed
almost 200lbs, I have exercised six times every week since I was eleven years old.
It took me many years to find a way of life that would maintain my weight. I
have actually been the same size now for several years, not including pregnancy.
For me, excellent habits include a vegetarian diet with occasional fish, taking
vitamins and minerals, flooding my body with nutrients, drinking 3-4 liters of
water every day, prayer, gratitude and much more. I also take a day to indulge. I
eat whatever I want. We call this the cheat day and I will go into more detail
further into the chapter.
It does take 21 days to form a new habit. At first it may seem tough getting up
20 minutes earlier to get in exercise or going to bed half an hour earlier to get
adequate rest. After three weeks it will get easier. When I worked in the fitness
industry, I would always ask my clients to commit to three weeks of change.
After three weeks, they would create better habits and in turn that affected how
they looked and felt.
like to be rid of? If you could make a few simple changes, your health would improve
dramatically. Below is a list of habits that can lead to disease and ill health. Take a
look at the replacement habits and see what you can start doing right now.
Poor Health Habit
Replacement Habit
Lack of Hydration
Drinking 10-12 Glasses of Water Daily
No Exercise
30 Minutes or More of Movement Daily
Smoking
Chewing Gum with Xylitol for Healthy Teeth
Binge Eating
Eating Small Meals Every 2-3 Hours
Lack of Vegetables
Taking a Healthy Greens Supplement
No Vitamins
Taking an Essential Multi-Vitamin
Drinking Alcohol Daily
Restricting Alcohol Consumption to Weekends
Eating Late at Night
Having a Protein Shake Before Bed
Not Getting a Physical
Finding a Doctor You Trust
Not Going to the Dentist
Finding a Dentist You Like To Work With
Lack of Sleep
Go to Bed at the Same Time Every Night
Eating Junk Food
Having a Cheat Day and Choosing Healthier

Foods Other Days
Eating Processed Food
Eating Whole Food
There are many unhealthy habits. The truth is that simply creating some better
habits can even save your life. According to the World Health Organization and
the Framingham Study, consuming a minimum of 5-7 servings of fresh fruits
and vegetables daily can reduce your risk of cancer. Many people eat no fresh
fruits and vegetables and it is no wonder that cancer rates are on the rise.
If you took a look at what you do on a daily basis, what would that say about your life
right now? Do you have some healthy habits? Do you have some habits you would
It is tough to change everything at once. If you focus on one to three things you
can make a huge change in your health. Further in this chapter I will discuss the
12 factors that influence how you look, and the 8 secrets to optimal health. For
now, lets create some new habits.
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My New Health Habits

The Unhealthy Habits I Would Most Like to Change
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
The Healthy Replacement Habits
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
Contract with Myself

I, _____________________________, commit to creating new healthy
replacement habits for the next 30 days. My health is the greatest blessing and it
makes me stronger in all areas of my life.
Signed________________________________________________________
Sarahs Story
When we moved, our oldest daughter started at a new school. Every morning
I would take her there and lightly socialize with the other mothers. One of the
women, a very attractive and outgoing gal, had great energy. She was a person I
truly wanted to get to know better. We passed day after day, always in a hurry to
get somewhere else after the drop off.
Time went by and we moved to a new home further out of the city. By this time,
our daughter was going to a new school and it happened that Sarahs children
were also going to this school and we were all living on the same street. I decided
to make an effort to get to know her better. I asked her if she wanted to go
walking after dinner.
Sarah was a breath of fresh air. She was very dedicated to her family, her
home and her community. I could see the compassion in her spirit. Sarah was
a beautiful woman who constantly laughed in the face of challenge. On our
walks, she would labor. At this time, Sarah was about 60 pounds overweight and
although she carried it well, I could see that this bothered her.
No matter how we want to help someone or how many answers we think we
possess, I have learned to be respectful and allow the person to ask questions.
When someone asks us questions they are opening the door for the answer.
The biggest mistake we can make is to push so hard that it affects relationships.
I knew Sarah was struggling and I knew that I had some great solutions.
However, it took her being ready for me to assist. One of my mentors, Jimmy
Smith, always quotes, The man or woman convinced against their will is of
the same opinion still.
One day as we were walking up a particularly steep hill Sarah turned to me in
slight frustration and said, I am sweating and you are not even breathing hard.
You are wearing flip flops and I cant even keep up. What is it you do to be so
healthy? At that moment the door was open.
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I shared with Sarah about the life pyramid. I shared with her that health is our
greatest blessing and that it allows us to be better in every area of our lives. I told
her about cleansing, eating properly and putting high-quality nutrition in her
body. Then, I said nothing. I allowed her to ask me questions.
has been a major recall of my sons beloved toy trains because of the lead paint.
Toxins are everywhere. An extensive study of 3,000 subjects, performed through
the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, found that the average subject had
over 90 pollutants in their blood and urine samples.
She asked about cleansing. She wanted to know about safety. She wanted to get
out her frustrations because, according to most people, cleansing is a fad. She
told me that she could never run. She told me that she didnt really like to drink
water. I let her continue until we got to the true root of the issue. She finally
said, I lost all this weight once and then it came back.
Soils are depleted of minerals and vitamins. A report given to the U.S. Congress
in the 1930s illustrated increased disease rates in where the soil had depleted
mineral samples. One study illustrated that to get an adequate amount of
minerals in todays produce, one would have to consume 70 cups of organic
spinach. That is one huge salad!!!
I knew we had found our starting point. I saw that this was where her pain
was. Sarah was compensating in her life. She was the person everyone counted
on. She was the best friend, the chauffeur, the PTA organizer, the meticulous
homeowner and much more. All of this was masking the pain she felt about
her health. Additionally, the fear was so great that she would not be able to
maintain a healthy body that she didnt even want to try. I witnessed the anger
and frustration in her voice.
I asked Sarah how committed she was to her goal weight of 155 pounds? She
said, 100%. I then asked her if she would be willing to trust me. She agreed.
Now the door was fully open and I stepped through to assist Sarah.
We started with a full-body cleanse and looking at her eating habits.
Cleansing is as old as time. It is written about in passages in the Bible and
other ancient texts. People all over the world participate in some form of
detoxification, from the sauna in Northern Europe to the herbs of the West
Indies. Prior to the industrial revolution, the human body could cleanse
itself. With nutrient-rich soil we also had ample herbs and minerals to take
care of the rest.
Although there are mixed opinions about cleansing and detoxification, holistic
and traditional medicine are now warming to the idea. One plastic surgeon I
spoke to expressed disgust at the grey sludge he was extracting during liposuction
procedures. Proponents of cleansing report increased energy, vitality, decreased
cravings, better mental focus, improved sleep, digestion and much more. With
all of this in mind this is where we started Sarah.
In her first week and a half she released 10 pounds, had more energy, was
more attentive to her children and absolutely over the moon with the initial
results. Sarah was ready for the next step, which was increasing her exercise
routine. She began with daily power walks and abdominal crunches. She
also changed her diet to include vitamins, minerals and daily protein shakes.
At mealtimes there were more vegetables, as well as protein and complex
carbohydrates. Sarah increased her water intake to 3 liters every day. The
pounds melted off.
In our day there are thousands of man-made toxins and pollutants which we
breathe, consume in foods, or drink and absorb. Even while writing this, there
One year later Sarah was 70 pounds lighter and running 3-6 miles per
day. She still looks incredible. Her confidence has soared. She and her
husband are in the process of starting a business. She is a powerful Have
It All Woman.
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Embracing Self-Respect
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Mae West, Actress and Screenwriter
As women we are very good at self-loathing. In fact, not only are we our worst
critics, we are also extremely quick to criticize others. I have encountered so
many women who judge others. Thats very sad because the very thing they are
judging in another woman is that which they find intriguing or desirable.
In Sarahs story, we see a woman who persisted. She was dedicated to her goals.
I have watched Sarah run in the freezing cold, sleet and snow. Many wouldnt
do that.
The sad part was that many of Sarahs friends became critical when she began
releasing weight. They said that they were worried she was losing the weight
too fast and that she was unhealthy. The truth was that for every woman who
criticized Sarah, there was a woman inside who envied Sarahs dedication and
excellent habits. The most avid critic was a woman with high blood pressure
who was herself sixty pounds overweight. Sarahs reply to all of these women was
to point out that they didnt get overly concerned when she was heavier.
The secret to your own success for achieving optimal health is self-respect. When
you are in alignment with your goals, and creating exceptional habits, it is amazing
how your own self-esteem will build. As I am writing this I know that almost 8
out of 10 of you have some weight to losenot to be slender, but to be healthy.
There is an increased risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes, cancer, arthritis and
more when you are carrying 30 or more pounds of excess weight. Your decision to
release weight and get healthy should be about thatbetter health.
have learned to silently bless my critics. This is my journey and I am on a path

to becoming the best I can be as an individual, wife, mother and leader. To
paraphrase an old saying, You can never know a woman until you walk in her
shoes. Self-respect will teach others how to respect you.
We Teach Others How to Treat Us

I dont believe in guilt, I believe in living on impulse as long as you never
intentionally hurt another person, and dont judge people in your life. I
think you should live completely free.
Angelina Jolie, Actor
Many women allow people to steal their power. By putting ourselves lastand
that includes our healthwe teach people that we are not important. We also
attract people into our lives who support our misappropriated view that we are not
worthy of self-love and self-care. Do you know someoneor perhaps you do this
yourselfwho constantly puts herself last? How is her health? How is her dignity?
I read a story recently of someone who had met Mother Teresa. It had been
their lifelong dream to spend a few moments with her. Through a series of
circumstances and making requests he found himself on her doorstep. Her
assistant said that Mother Teresa was having an afternoon nap but would ask
her if she would receive the guest. Mother Teresa agreed and spent time with
her visitor.
Self-respect means building your own belief so that when people judge you
and they willyou are able to handle it with grace. Remember, some of the
worst critics of your new habits will be people who are friends and family. I
What I love about this story is that Mother Teresa took time to honor her health
and rest. She chose to allow the visitor in. Who knows: perhaps her rest was
over. My own grandmother, Agnes, always took an afternoon nap. She never
missed it. At eighty years old she was still going strong and running a business.
My grandmother was an amazing lady who taught others that the middle of the
afternoon was her time to rest and rejuvenate.
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There is little dignity in running yourself into the ground. If you teach others
that you dont matter, you will end up angry and frustrated. Putting your health
above all may be challenging at first. As you step into your personal power
however, as a woman, and release the anvil of guilt, you will be healthier and
more balanced. Lets get started with the secrets to great health and how you can
become a Have It All Woman in this area.
The Twelve Key Factors that Influence Our Bodies

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the
past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment
wisely and earnestly.
Buddha
No matter where we are, we must consider it a starting point. The tendency we
as women have is to look in the mirror every day, and beat ourselves up for the
body we do not have. It is easier to look at ourselves with condemnation and
complain, as opposed to seeing our beauty. We are all incredible creations of
God. Regardless of what you see in the mirror, you can choose to enhance your
creation by taking responsibility for your health.
We are a result of what we do on a consistent basis. When we put proper
nutrition into our body on a daily basis, our health will reflect this. On the
other hand, if we consume soda, potato chips, French fries, hamburgers and
pizza on a regular basis, our bodies will reflect this too. When it comes to the
users guide to our body, consistency is a major part of the equation.
of horror on his ten-year-old face. He explained to me that he only drank

soda. This, I would quickly attribute to the extra twenty pounds that he
was carrying.
It is sad that in North America and all over the world, children are consuming
soda in vast quantities. Soda consumption has been linked to decreased bone
density. The extra sugar is not good for children, as it increases the risk of
diabetes and can cause hyperactivity. Add to the equation the fact that soda
is devoid of nutrients. To think, this is what my friends children are doing
consistently. How will it affect their health in the future? What is it doing to
them now?
Early in my personal training career I had a client who swore to me that she ate
healthy every day. I would go to her home and train her five times every week
but she said that she was not losing weight. She became fitter as a result of the
consistency, but no matter how intense the workouts became she did not go
down in size.
She asked me to create an eating program for her. I obliged, thinking that
she would at this point start to release weight. When nothing happened she
began to take her frustrations out on me, telling me that I wasnt putting her
through the proper exercises and that the diet was not working. I internalized
her frustrations. I tried harder to find answers. I beat myself up for not being
good enough to help her lose weight.
After several months of frustration for both of us, I was at a party and overheard
a conversation with my clients mechanic. He was sharing a story about how
my client needed to have her car detailed every week because of the copious
amounts of chocolate bar wrappers on the floor.
Recently a family friend came over with her children. We were having
a dinner party, and when I asked her son what he wanted to drink, he
replied, soda. I explained that we do not drink soda in our house and
instead offered him organic juice, organic milk or water. He had a look
My client was exercising, trying to follow my eating program and much like a
cheating spouse, was romancing something else on the sidechocolate!!! She
wasnt losing weight because every day she was getting extra sugar and fat.
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People often fool themselves into thinking that they will lose weight if they
exercise. Yes, exercise is a major component, and will help. But it is a combination
of diet and exercise that yields the greatest results.
Growing up as an obese child, and then struggling with negative self-image
through my teens and twenties, I was painfully aware of the frustrations of
people who shared my struggle.
Did you ever have a friend who could eat whatever they wanted and not gain a
pound? I felt like that was every friend I had. Moreover, I felt that if I even looked
at food I would get fat. This mental projection was the core of my undoing.
Whatever you think, you become.
I am here to give you hope. I want you to know that no matter where you are,
you can have the body of your dreams. For some people it comes easily. For
others it will take more effort. Regardless of where you are, have hope.
There are twelve key factors that will determine the shape of your body. As we go
through these, I want you to take a moment and check in as to where you are with
each of them. As I mentioned before, your starting point is right where you are now.
Factor One: Rest

Rest is critical to your health. During restful sleep your body creates growth
hormone which aids in repair and growth of lean tissue. It also assists in
stimulating the production of hormones responsible for fat loss. As we age, we
secrete less and less growth hormone, so it is imperative that we provide the
body with everything it needs and that includes protein to prevent muscle loss.
Restful sleep can be a challenge in our stressed out world. People have more
demands on their life, including money, work issues, health, family and much
more. It is expensive to make a living, let alone live a life. Sleep is often the first
thing to suffer as people lie awake at night searching for answers to their problems.
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Lack of sleep truly ages us. When we do not get enough, we are not able to
function, we become accident-prone and temperamental, and our immune
system suffers. Growth hormone, which is topped up while we sleep, tends to
decrease when we do not get a minimum of 7 to 8 hours of solid rest. When
growth hormone levels go down, so do other hormones such as those that are
required to release stubborn body fat.
When we get enough sleep, our skin glows and we feel energized and focused.
We have energy for work, play and exercise. We also tend to be less hungry
because when people are tired they crave carbohydrates to stay awake. The body
begins to ease down at around 2:00 in the afternoon. In many countries they
rest at this time. In North America and Asia, however, we are all reaching for
lattes and cookies to keep us going.
I have had many clients who struggled with getting adequate sleep. It takes time
to change a sleep pattern but the results are absolutely worth it in terms of
looking and feeling better. Here are 10 tips that really work.
1. Keep a sleep log. Record your hours of sleep and how you feel the next day.
2. Avoid all caffeine drinks after lunch time. This includes diet and regular
sodas, coffee and tea.
3. Drink a protein shakepreferably one that is high in tryptophan, a Naturallyoccurring amino acid that promotes calm and relaxation. Turkey is also high
in tryptophan.
4. Calcium helps with a more restful sleep. I suggest a powdered or liquid
Calcium, which has a higher absorption rate. Make sure your calcium also has
Vitamin D and magnesium.
5. Limit fluids, with the exception of your shake, at least 2 hours before bedtime.
This will assist you in not having to get up and use the bathroom.
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6. Alcohol can also lead to restlessness during sleep, so avoid it until you
change your sleep cycle.
Today, many people have sedentary jobs, and schools are cutting down on
physical education. It is no wonder that waistlines are increasing.
7. Begin your wind-down for sleep one hour prior to bedtime. I suggest reading
something positive or listening to a meditational CD.
To release body fat you need a minimum of 40 minutes every day of cardiovascular
exercise. 20 minutes will maintain fitness. Exercising 3 times per week will also
not yield significant gains. Cardiovascular exercise should be done 5-6 times per
week and at varied intensities.
8. Keep a notebook and pen beside your bed. One reason people have a hard
time getting to sleep is because their minds are racing. Record your thoughts.
9. Start your bedtime routine at the same time every night. Use deep breathing
from your lower abdomen to relax your body.
10. Avoid television, the internet and articles that contain violence. Sleep
research has found that these images go into your subconscious and will
disrupt sleep. Basically, the last hour and first hour of your day are critical. I
go to sleep reciting all that I am grateful for. When I wake up in the morning,
I again express thanks for all the possibilities of the new day.
Factor Two: Exercise

Exercise is perhaps the greatest blessing you can give your body. Exercise relieves
stress and tension, burns calories, increases metabolism and assists the lymphatic
system to release waste.
Exercise is broken down into two main forms: cardiovascular and resistance training
Cardiovascular exercise increases your heart rate and burns more calories than
resistance exercise. Walking, running, swimming, aerobics, dancing and cycling
are just a few examples of cardiovascular workouts.
In the early 20th century and prior to that, people had active work and tended to
walk more. With the advent of the industrial era as well as increased technology,
people decreased the amount of cardiovascular exercise they got in their day-today lives.
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For example, one day you may do an easy jog. On another day you may take a
boxing class. You can vary your activities; all the heart knows is that it is pumping
more blood. You will burn more calories from fat during cardiovascular workouts
than during resistance training, but it is the muscle created from resistance exercise
that burns more fat at rest. In other words, you need both types of exercise.
Resistance training involves free weights, machines or body weight such as yoga
and Pilates. Resistance training can actually strengthen your bones. Women,
especially, should do resistance training once they reach thirty to assist the body
in preserving bone density.
I suggest you consult a certified personal trainer to assist you in creating a proper
resistance workout. Also, go to your local health club or get a DVD of a Pilates
or yoga class. These are great ways to tone and shape muscles.
Exercise plays a major role in your body and there is supporting evidence that
people who exercise have less body fat than those who do not. For your best
body ever, I suggest doing 40 minutes or more of exercise 5-6 days a week. Always
consult your physician before commencing an exercise program.
Factor Three: Portion Control and Frequency of Meals

In North America and all over the world people are eating too much. Portion
sizes have grown over the last few decades due to easier access to food and more
efficient transportation methods. It is becoming more common to see all-you-
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can-eat buffets and unlimited refills on soda. The sad truth is that the world is
killing itself one mouthful at a time.
The best way to eat is to consume smaller meals throughout the day. The human
body can only properly digest about 600 calories in one sitting. Anything beyond
this can easily be converted to fat. Bodybuilders are the masters of proper portion
size. They will alternate protein shakes and small meals like tuna, a baked potato
and steamed broccoli.
Eating 200-600 calories every 3 hours is ideal. If you are trying to gain mass then
these 600-calorie meals would be best. If you are trying to lose fat then alternate
200-calorie meals with 400- to 600-calorie meals.
As a rule of thumb I have recommended for years that you put vegetables on
your plate first and let them take up most of the room, protein second and
starches last. This will give you the correct ratio.
A fist size of meat, chicken or fish is about all your body is able to digest, so that
18 ounce sirloin generally gets converted to fat. There are 7 grams of protein in
every ounce of meat or fish. Therefore 4-5 ounces would contain 28-35 grams.
People truly overeat protein and carbohydrates.
Thick sauces, salad dressings and gravies tend to be loaded with calories. Keep
these to a minimum. One tablespoon of regular salad dressing has about 100
calories so be cautious even when eating healthy foods.
Another tip for portion control is not to let yourself get too hungry. Before
going to a party where there will be lots of food, have a protein shake or half
of a protein bar. My mentor also suggested having protein-rich foods, such as
shrimp, at parties, which are low in calories as well.
At home, wait 20 minutes before going for second helpings. The body takes 20
minutes to register fullness. People often head back for seconds before they feel
truly full. In fact, your stomach is only about the size of your fist, so be cautious
when it comes to filling your plate for a second time.
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Sparkling water can also trick the body into thinking it is full. Keep sparkling
mineral water on hand. Alcoholic beverages can pile on the pounds due to high
calories. Additionally, when you consume alcohol you are more likely to overeat.
When it comes to timing meals, an excellent rule is to eat every 2 to 3
hours, which amounts to three regular-size meals and two snacks. This keeps
your metabolism supercharged and fuels your body for the entire day.
Factor Four: Food Choices

On the subject of creating meals, we all have different likes and dislikes. Our
food choices are a reflection of time, cost, convenience and taste. In this era
when people are busier than ever before, and many people are working longer
hours, it is no wonder we are a so-called fast-food nation.
In my travels I have seen popular fast-food outlets in Guatemala, and a
preponderance of fast food in Asia and Europe. It is not just a North American
phenomenon. Oddly enough, many of these countries are now reporting higher
obesity rates as the fast-food giants move in. It doesnt take much common sense
to figure out that one double hamburger has more calories than a bowl of soup
with noodles, vegetables and shrimp.
As people get fatter, busier and more stressed they tend to reach for convenience
foods. I travel just as much as the next person but I learned long ago from my
Girl Guide leader, Mrs. McDougall, to always be prepared. I travel with protein
bars, a package of protein shakes, snack wafers, vitamins and antioxidants.
As I am dashing through airports I will pick up a greens drink and some raw almonds
or trail mix. Maintaining my energy is important. A large herbal tea also does the
trick. I admit that I am in love with the Zen tea at Starbucks. Green tea is rich in
antioxidants and has some powerful nutrients that assist the body in releasing fat.
It is important for me to have strong mental focus and high energy. My days can
be really long, with 4 kids, writing, speaking, investing and building businesses.
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I must fuel my body with the very best nutrition. We keep healthy foods in the
house so that if and when we do get really hungry we wont be reaching for junk.
It has been said that what goes in must come out and this is absolutely true for
your food choices. If you are eating lots of sugar, it will come out in mood highs
and lows and also put you at risk for diabetes, obesity and more.
If you are eating a lot of saturated fats like those found in beef, pork, butter, etc.,
then you are at risk for heart disease, stroke, and even cancer.
Your mother was right when she told you to eat your fruits and vegetables. Many
studies show that increasing your fruit and vegetable intake can lower your risk
of cancer. If you are struggling to get fresh fruits and vegetables then I suggest
getting a greens supplement. One product I use has the nutrients of 30 fruits in
one serving and only 30 calories and 5 grams of carbohydrate.
As I said in the beginning, we are a result of what we do on a consistent basis.
Choosing healthier foods is an excellent start. I also strongly suggest you log
your eating daily. It has been shown that people who keep a food journal have
greater success than those who do not.
Factor Five: Supplementation

Supplementation simply means to add into the diet the nutrients that are
not coming from food. For many people, adding vitamins, minerals, protein,
probiotics, enzymes and other nutrients helps them create and maintain
a healthier body. As soils become depleted and their produce increasingly
deficient in nutrients, we as consumers end up short-changed in terms of what
we need to sustain us on a daily basis.
diseases. Hypothyroidism has been linked to iodine deficiency, diabetes to a

lack of chromium in the soil and recent studies have linked multiple sclerosis to
Vitamin D deficiency.
Nutritionally linked disease states are complex and there are many theories.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to work with a practitioner, such as
a naturopathic doctor or physician who also works with natural products, and
who can create a sound eating program which may include supplements.
Supplementation is as old as time. Thousands of years ago people took tonics
to boost everything from fertility to virility. In many cultures today it is not
uncommon to boil herbs and create teas and tonics to assist in better health.
In North America supplementation is a growing industry with more people on
a quest for excellent health. Even the skin care industry is getting on board, with
more and more beauty companies coming out with orally administered vitamins
to create healthier skin. I was in Boston recently at an upscale cosmetics store
and yes, even found a section with a number of these vitamins.
Traditional science is coming around to the notion of supplementation.
Many physicians agree that women generally need to supplement with
vitamins, calcium and often iron (for women of childbearing age) at the very
minimum. Doctors frequently put pregnant women on a prenatal vitamin.
Why should vitamins only be important when you are pregnant? What about
year-round health?
For the purpose of this book I will do a brief overview of some of the more
popular supplements and, at the very least, those which may be of interest to you.
When an individual requires supplementation and isnt getting it, he or she

can have a variety of issues including weight gain, lowered immune system,
poor skin and nails, lack of mental acuity, irritability and an entire host of
Antioxidants: Many studies also illustrate the need for antioxidant

supplementation. Antioxidants are vital in protecting the body from free-radical
damage. Free radicals are cell scavengers and can cause cell mutation. This cell
mutation can lead to disease and premature aging. This is why the skin care
giants all use antioxidants in their formulations.
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Today there are many excellent antioxidant formulations. You really do not
need to supplement them all individually. Vitamins A, C, and E are the major
antioxidants but bilberry, L-glutamine, grape seed extract, milk thistle, cysteine,
lutein and many others also have antioxidant properties. Find a formulation that is
right for you and work with your practitioner, especially if you are on medication.
Multi-Vitamins: Multi-vitamins have truly evolved. There are now formulations
for every stage of your life. Some have additional digestive enzymes to assist in
absorption. Others are encapsulated in a vegetarian capsule for ease of digestion.
Multi-vitamins often include Vitamin B, which is useful in dealing with stress, nerve
function, and even mood. Some multi-vitamins include iron, which is somewhat
controversial as it has been shown to prevent the absorption of other nutrients.
Choose a multi-vitamin that is not covered in dye. Find something that also
breaks down in vinegar within 30 minutes. This will tell you whether or not it is
really breaking down in your system.
Essential Fatty Acids: Essential Fatty Acids, or E.F.A.s for short, have had
recent acclaim in their benefits to overall health. E.F.A.s have been linked to
prevention and even anti-aging. Essential Fatty Acids cannot be manufactured
in the body and therefore must be consumed from food sources or through
supplementation.
Omega 3s and 6s are essential for hormone balance, heart health, brain function,
healthy skin, nails, nerve conduction and for treating conditions such as
candidiasis, eczema and psoriasis. They are found in fish and fish oils, nuts, seeds
and certain vegetable oils. Even Dr. Raymond Weil, the noted cardiologist, has said
that people do need to supplement these. Be wary of low-cost omega supplements as
these may contain mercury, which is extremely harmful to the body.
that women who supplemented with calcium lost more body fat than those who
didnt. If you are lactose intolerant you may need to consider supplemental
calcium. I use a powdered form for fast absorption.
Supplemental Protein: Protein supplementation is essential for people who,
like myself, do not eat meat. These supplements have come a long way. There
are now organic protein powders from sources such as hemp, rice, organic whey
and more. Protein is critical to muscle growth and repair. It is also a natural
appetite suppressant.
Additional Resources: Supplementation can be a key difference in your health.
Our bodies require different nutrients based on such things as age, gender,
overall health, activity level, climate and stress. When your body gets what it
needs, you can look, feel and operate at your best level ever.
For a greater understanding of nutrients, I have two books to suggest. The first
is by my great friend Dr. Tony ODonnell. It is called Miracle Super Foods
that Heal. Dr. ODonnell has been on network television and is a sought after
speaker and product formulator.
The second book is Prescription of Nutritional Healing, by Dr. James S. Balch. It
is updated very frequently. It contains a list of herbs, vitamins, minerals, macro
and micro nutrients. It also has a list of ailments and the nutrients that most
alleviate specific conditions.
Factor Six: Support Network

Studies show that people who exercise or change their lifestyle, and do it as part
of a team, are much more successful. When we have someone cheering us on it
can make all the difference in the world.
Calcium: Calcium is frequently recommended as a supplement for women, as

we tend to lose bone density with increasing age. It is also essential for nerve
conduction, bone health and has even been linked to fat loss. One study found
Many popular weight-loss programs rely on the support network principle.

Personal training is also at a record high as the personal trainer is additional
support. Group exercise programs such as water aerobics, dance classes, tai chi,
yoga, kick boxing, walking and running clubs also lend support.
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Having spent many years in the health and fitness industry, I found that when
women felt supported in their goals it created a clearing for their success. If you
are not feeling entirely supported at home then get involved with a group, join a
class or enroll a friend who can become your exercise and healthy living partner.
Factor Seven: Medication

Some medications may make it more challenging to release body fat. Never
go off your medications unless supervised by your doctor. Always consult your
physician before undertaking any nutritional program.
If you have gained weight in a short period of time and are on medication,
consult your physician right away. You may need a different medication. In a
certain percentage of cases, people can work with their physician to get off of
medications that are directly related to weight gain.
types have emerged in humans. Interestingly, you do not see these very often in
countries with generational poverty, such as parts of Africa and South America.
The three body types are ectomorph, or naturally thin; mesomorph, which is
balanced proportionately and would include the majority of athletes; and lastly,
endomorph, or naturally heavy.
Basically, if your mother, grandmother and all of your aunts have big hips then
chances are you are genetically predisposed to this. Guess what? It just means
that you will have to work a little harder and target-train this area with exercise.
In my family, we are Chinese on one side and Anglo-Saxon on the other. On my
dads side they are slim, trim and big eaters. No one on the planet can eat more
than my cousin Ian and he is very, very lean. On my moms side the women are
a little heavier in the thigh and hip area.
Factor Eight: Genetics and Upbringing
For me, I look like my dads side on top and moms side on the bottom. Because
I was obese as a child I also have to work harder to maintain a lean physique.
The truth is that being lean is easier for people who come from families where
both the maternal and paternal sides are lean. If one parent is obese there is
a 25% chance that the child will be obese. If two parents are obese there is a
50% chance the child will be obese. The jury is still out as to which aspect has a
greater rolegenetics or environment.
Growing up was tough because all of my cousins were so slender, and I was a
womans size fourteen at the age of ten. I was often teased and ridiculed. When
I learned to control my portions and eat for health and not to suppress emotions
my body shifted. When I began to cleanse on a regular basis and eat more raw
foods my body became leaner and my mind more focused.
Generational obesity often coincides with lifestyle choices. Obesity was almost
non-existent at the turn of the 20th century. Today almost 30% of North
Americans are considered obese. Obesity increases the risk of heart disease,
stroke, diabetes and cancer. It also has many non-life-threatening effects such as
arthritis and other joint pain.
No matter what your family history, you can change. Yes, if there is obesity
in your family you will have to work harder. Remember, with support and
consistent effort anything is possible.
Being overweight or obese is serious. No one says you have to be thin, but if you
want to live a long, fulfilling life you must be healthy. Over time three main body
Sometimes our bodies get sick. Sometimes this sickness can affect how we look and
feel. For example, some people eat more and exercise less when they have a cold.
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Factor Nine: Illness and Disease
Sometimes illness knocks us down and we cannot exercise at all. We end up eating
foods that we otherwise would not and the result is a loss in muscle and a gain
in fat. Even a simple cold can send us running to the kitchen for comfort foods.
I have had clients who have gone away to tropical locations only to pick up
unusual diseases where their bodies swell. Often they will become extremely ill
with a variety of symptoms. These can affect long-term health and vitality as well.
Perhaps you have had treatment for a disease such as cancer and your body is
now different. Without question disease can affect your body. Some effects are
short-term and others are long-term. Please consult your doctor if you feel that
something is different in your body as the result of disease. You can work with
them to find a solution.
My mother-in-law is a breast cancer survivor. She says that before cancer she could
easily maintain a lean physique, but that afterwards it was tougher. She finds that
exercise and watching her diet closely have helped her get healthy again.
If you have been diagnosed with or are recovering from an illness, work with a
team to reclaim your health. There are so many wonderful alternative therapies
that mesh nicely with traditional medicine.
The biggest thing you can do to assist recovery is work on your attitude. Focus
on your recovery and not on your illness. Turn your mindset to the things that
bring you joy. Life is too short to let something like disease get you down. Take
it from me.
Highly stressed people often have difficulty digesting their food properly and
this can lead to other health challenges. Did you know that the majority of heart
attacks occur on Sunday night, right before the start of the work week? Stress can
affect many areas of your health.
When your body is under a lot of stress it will use more water and even retain
water. Additionally, you will use up more minerals as your body requires them to
deal with the stress. Stress can also compromise your immune system.
I have had clients who were so stressed that no matter what they did, they
could not lose weight. If this is resonating for you then it is imperative you do
something about it.
Here are some helpful tips to assist you release stress:
Try to get adequate rest.
Drink plenty of water.
Take adaptogens (a group of plants often found in stress formulations) and
B-vitamins to help your body to deal with stress.
Supplement with calcium; it helps your body to deal with stress.
Take a class such as yoga, meditation or tai chi. As an aside, I have seen highly
stressed people gain weight when they exercise intensely and lose it when they
choose gentler options.
Avoid watching violent television and the news before bed, if at all.
Keep a journal to log how you are feeling.
Seek some form of counseling to deal with the underlying issues.
Factor Ten: Stress
Consider creating an additional stream of income that is residual.
Stress will wreak havoc on your body. Stress affects various hormones and
neurochemicals in your brain, one of which is cortisol. When cortisol is high
we crave sugar, we have difficulty focusing, its often a challenge having a restful
sleep, and yes, theres a tendency to gain weight.
Get help with your finances if your stress is due to money problems.
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Get a visualization CD such as Goal Getting Mastery from Step Into Your
Power Productions (www.stepintoyourpower.com) to assist you.
Take time every week to do something fun.
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Some of the least stressed people I know work smarter and not harder. They
take time every week for some play. My husband and I, for instance, make sure
that every week we have one date night and also family movie night. I also
dont do business on Sunday, which allows us to play and have fun together
as a family.
Create something in your life that gives you balance and some peace. Life
is too short to be in a constant state of worry. I heard something absolutely
brilliant once on a television show. The crew was making over the home of
a family where the father had died. The host asked if there was something
extremely special they could remember about their dad, something he was
known for. The children said that their dad had a personal saying: There are
many things to think about but nothing to worry about. I love this. I think
it applies to us all.
Factor Eleven: Age

After the age of 25 we can lose to pound of muscle per year. Without
proper resistance training and diet, our metabolism can begin to slow down. I
have heard people complain many times that they cannot eat in their 40s and
50s what they could in their 20s and it is absolutely true. By increasing exercise
and boosting your protein intake, you can slow down the gradual age-induced
loss of muscle.
Age does not have to be an excuse for anything. One exceptional Have It All
Woman I knew didnt start weight training until she was 79. One of my mentors
didnt become successful until he was in his seventies. You are as old as you
think you are.
Factor Twelve: Lifestyle

We have gone over many factors that define your body. I have saved the best for
last. Lifestyle is what you do on a consistent basis. It is how you eat, how you
rest, how you play and how you work. Lifestyle will define and have the greatest
impact on your body.
Are you always working? Are you running from one thing to the next? Is your
mind constantly going? Do you rush through meals or forget special occasions?
Are you consumed with one area of your life? Do you forget to make time for
play and rest? I can tell you one thing for sure: many people are out of balance
in their life because they are guilty of some if not all of these lifestyle choices.
Have you ever seen someone who operates with ease? They are calm, peaceful,
happy, energized and lean? Chances are they have figured out this lifestyle thing
and got it down to a science.
In our family our lifestyle includes daily exercise, playing with our kids, working
from home, taking one day of rest, connecting as a family, healthy eating and
honoring our bodies.
We have just gone over many factors which affect your physical body. Whatever
place you are in right now, have hope. Remember that people achieve amazing
things all the time. Right now you are in the right place at the right time and I
want to congratulate you for making it this far.
The 12 Secrets to Success in Creating a New Level of Health
Maya Angelou, the American author and poet, says, There is no agony like
bearing an untold story inside of you. No matter what age you are it is never
too early or too late to take control of your health. Start today, dont look back
and forever be grateful that you made the commitment to yourself.
The following principles have been derived from years of research and training
clients. I have worked with physicians, trainers, performers and many others to
help them achieve a new level of health. I encourage you to embrace some new
ways of thinking and prepare yourself for a magnificent journey. The Have It
All Woman absolutely does everything in her power to take care of her health.
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Secret One: Calorie Cycling

Years ago I was blessed to study the work of Tudor Bomba and his team at
the University of Toronto. Their research was focused on different training
modalities and sports nutrition. They were looking at ways for people to get
definition without stimulants or drugs. They focused mainly on bodybuilders.
For calorie cycling it is critical to journal and keep track of your progress. You
will want to use a planner to assist you. Calorie cycling is easy to do, though
it will take some getting used to. In simple-to-follow guidelines you will have a
lower-calorie day followed by a medium-calorie day and then a higher-calorie day.
You will then follow the pattern again.
Prior to looking at these studies I also came across some articles talking about
the benefits of calorie cycling. Calorie cycling means varying your caloric intake
every day, generally in a 3-day cycle. This tricks your body into increasing basal
metabolic rate so you burn more calories at rest.
On your lower-calorie day you can cut out starches with your evening meal. On
the medium-calorie day you can have a smaller portion of starch, such as a
cup of brown rice. On your high-calorie day you can have a small baked potato
with dinner. Remember, the potato is not the issue. It is what you put on the
potato that counts.
When I worked with people who had suffered from eating disorders, I found
that they would constantly lower their overall caloric consumption to lose
weight. Unfortunately, this practice also slows down the metabolism so even
though the calories consumed are lower, the person must continue to decrease
the calories even more in order to lose weight. This is extremely dangerous, even
in a society where the majority of people overeat.
Make sure your meals are low in fats. Choose low-fat and non-fat dressings. Watch
sodium intake, as prepared and frozen meals tend to be high in sodium. Have
fresh fruits and vegetables as often as possible and choose lean cuts of protein such
as chicken, fish, turkey and game meats. For vegetarians egg whites and protein
powders are useful. If you are a vegan find a good-quality vegan protein powder.
People who consistently overeat will gain weight. The person who eats an extra
600 calories per day, or the calories equivalent to one large bagel with peanut
butter and a banana, could gain one pound per week, or 52 pounds per year. If
someone is burning a great deal of calories through exercise this may not apply.
They can still use the principles of calorie cycling to be leaner and faster. The
truth is whether you eat too much or you eat too little, eventually your body is
going to adapt.
Secret Two - Give Your Body a Rest Once Per Week
When I first started cycling my own calories and those of my clients I started to
see awesome results with a decrease in overall body fat despite having a cheat
day every week where they ate whatever they wanted. The cheat day is critical
to the program. You must take one day and eat whatever you desire. This will
increase your metabolism and allow you both freedom and peace of mind with
your eating.
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Following the calorie cycling formula means that we have two lower-calorie days
per week. Ideally, you will give your body a rest from exercise on one of these
days. Exercising and training seven days per week is very hard on the body.
Additionally, give your body a rest from packaged and prepared foods. I like
Harley Pasternaks Five Factor Diet, as his meals include five natural foods and
are prepared in five minutes. On your lower-calorie day choose foods that are
easier to digest, like steamed vegetables, brown rice, egg whites and oatmeal.
Always drink plenty of water on these days.
On a personal note, I cleanse one day per week. On this day I consume a liquid
cleansing formula, raw vegetables, fruits and raw almonds. I avoid coffee and
tea. I always feel refreshed and energized.
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Secret Three - Frequency of Meals
Secret Four - Quality of MealsBe Prepared
Many people go for long stretches of time between meals. I have known people
who skipped breakfast and eat only at lunch and beyond. I even had one client,
the CEO of a company, who ate nothing all day but a muffin and a coffee and
then stuffed his face after eight oclock at night. He was 50 pounds overweight!
Because we travel so often it is imperative that we be prepared. My husband is

a true hypoglycemic so I always have meal-replacement bars with me when we
travel on airplanes. I often pick up raw vegetables and nuts as I am running
through the airport. The worst thing that can happen to you when you are
embarking on a lifestyle change is to allow yourself to get too hungry.
The simple truth is that you need to be putting something in your body every 2
1/2 to 3 hours. You wouldnt try to start a fire by burning a big log. You need
kindling and various smaller things to get it burning. The same thing is true
about your metabolism. You want to be constantly fueling it.
I have helped many people get their bodies into fat-burning mode. It doesnt
happen overnight. Some people may feel more energized and revved up within a
week or two of changing their eating. For others it may take months.
I was working with a doctor who had ruined his metabolism by eating only
protein and no carbohydrates. Initially he lost weight with that program, but
after several months he complained of headaches, nausea, constipation and lack
of energy. By starting a program that worked with these eight principles, he soon
found himself more energized and losing body fat with ease.
I had another client, a professional hockey player who everyone thought was
past his prime. I changed his fitness program and had him eat three meals and
two protein shakes every other day and two meals and two shakes on alternate
days. He lost body fat, gained muscle and went on to play another three years
in the NHL.
I always leave the house with a big bottle of water and snacks. Hunger can sometimes
be misconstrued for thirst, so when I feel hungry I drink some water first to see
if I am truly looking for food. When you are out doing errands, or at work and
living your life, bring easy-to-consume foods with you. Some raw almonds, mealreplacement bars, fresh fruit and raw vegetables will get you through.
Every meal you eat, whether it is on the go or at home, must consist of foods in
as natural a form as possible. This means whole grains, vegetables, fruits, game
meats, whole eggs, fish, turkey, chicken, lentils and legumes. What if you let go
of processed foods? What if you gave up the artificial sweeteners? What if you ate
more plant products? How would you feel? Amazing, of course.
Your body is a miracle. My friend, Dr. Tony ODonnell, says, Live food, live
bodydead food, dead body. To truly fuel your body, make a change today.
I have helped many women eat more natural diets and witnessed their health
improve dramatically. To be a true Have It All Woman, you will want to honor
your body with whole foods.
Secret Five - Daily Exercise
The majority of people feel rotten because their diet is rotten. What goes in
must come out. If you put junk in, you will get junk out. If you put healthy,
whole-food nutrition in, you feel better. To be a true Have It All Woman make
sure you fuel your body every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Watch what happens to your
energy, vitality and waistline.
Exercise is an absolute blessing in your life. It promotes healthy elimination of

waste, lowers stress, increases energy, increases your metabolism and supports a
properly functioning lymphatic system, among other things. The reason people
do not get exercise is simply because they do not make time for it. We always
make time for what we value.
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Your bodys health is more important than watching television because that
is the greatest gift you have. Without your health you cannot be effective as a
parent, a partner, a business owner or anything else. You must support your
health, and exercise is key factor in realizing this.
Lets define exercise as movement, although we all have our notions of what
we think it is. In a course I teach with my friend Suzan, called the Mind Body
Connection, we teach our participants to simply do 30 minutes a day of
movement that gets the heart pumping. For some people this could be turning
on music and dancing. For others it may be walking or running. It could be
playing your favorite sport or doing a class or a video. You must get exercise. It
is imperative.
To release body fat you must exercise 5-6 times a week; 2-3 times will not do very
much. It may get you in better shape but that is about it. If your body is a result
of what you do consistently, and we know it is, then the effect of consistent
exercise will be reflected in your body.
I previously mentioned that as we age we lose to pound of muscle every
year. Over time our metabolism slows and our posture shifts. In my practice it
wasnt uncommon for me to hear, I am eating the same things I ate 10 years
ago and I have gained 10 pounds that I cannot lose. My next question would
always be about exercise.
Make sure you consult with a certified personal trainer to set up a proper routine
for you. Also, if you have not been active for a while start with something easy
like going for a walk. Exercise is best done in the morning to supercharge your
metabolism for the day.
150 pounds then you would consume 75 to 150 ounces of water per day. The
more active you are the higher up the scale you go. I personally drink 4 liters of
water every day. Please note that it may take time to build up your water intake
and that with increased consumption, you will experience greater fullness and
satisfaction. Strangely enough, many people who overeat are actually dehydrated.
Water helps your body deal with stress and keeps your skin looking beautiful.
Studies have shown that a well-hydrated body releases not only body fat with
greater ease but also allows for more effective flushing of metabolic waste.
For those who have difficulty drinking water, decaffeinated herbal teas could
be considered a substitute.
Secret Seven - Get Sound Rest

The goal of the Have It All Woman is to get a minimum of seven hours rest per
night. Studies show that anything less makes it tough to release body fat.
When I worked with bodybuilders who needed to get very lean, they slept for
8 hours and rested for an additional hour with their feet elevated. This helped
with muscle repair and recovery.
When you are tired you will want to eat more. When you are fatigued you will
crave sugar and caffeine. Break the cycle tonight and get adequate rest. You will
be more alert, more focused and have more energy for friends, family, work and
exercise. Start now.
Secret Eight - Keep an Exercise and Eating Journal
To achieve the best health possible you will want to drink to 1 ounce per
pound of your desired body weight. For example, if your desired body weight is
As we previously mentioned, those who journal their eating and exercise habits
tend to have greater success. Additionally, how will you know what is working
and what is not if you are not journaling? Your life and your health should not
be random stabs in the dark. My friend called me the other day and said, I dont
like your journal! I had created a journal for a network marketing company
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Secret Six - Drink Your Water
specializing in nutrition. My friend was laughing and I knew she wasnt serious.
I asked her what her challenge was and she said, I dont like the words on the
pagesthe ones I am writing.
She had been struggling with her weight and had not kept track of what she was
eating. When she started to log her meals she also found a number of empty
calories. The journal is keeping her on track.
Create your own journal to log what you eat, how you exercise and how you feel.
You will begin to notice patterns. These patterns will assist you in understanding
when you are more vulnerable to cravings and overeating. Start your journal today.
Secret Nine - Take Care of Your Skin

We have our skin for life. As we age our skin loses collagen and that causes
wrinkles and sagging. Sun damage also ages us and can be a precursor to skin
cancer. With pollution, lack of sound nutrition and other challenges, it is
imperative to take care of your skin.
The skin we have in our forties, fifties, sixties and beyond is a reflection of how
we cared for our skin in our twenties and thirties. Our basic skin-care regime
should include a gentle cleanser, toner, antioxidant serum, day cream with SPF
30, and a night cream.
Baby Boomers are the largest consumers of skin-care products. They want to live
freely and age slowly. To live a life of inner beauty is the highest quest. Beautiful
skin isnt so bad either, so take care of yours.
Regardless of your budget, there are affordable options for healthy skin care.
If you can afford it, I recommend getting a facial every quarter. A facial is an
excellent investment in your long-term skin care and not just a luxury. The Have
It All Woman can attract the abundance where the cost of skin care and facials
do not pose a financial burden.
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Secret Ten - Develop a Support Network

Developing a support network is also key. Look at who in your life is there to
support you. Who wants to see you succeed? Get a support team and share your
goals with them. Tell them that you may be tempted to quit so they must help
you get over the challenging times. It is going to take time, effort and energy to
get the body and bank account you want.
Enlisting people who support your goals may be challenging in your current
circle. I suggest joining a health club, taking a class or attending free seminars
on health and wellness at your local library or community center. When you
work out with a friend, for example, and have someone who is joining you on
the path to better health, everything changes.
Another great way to meet like-minded people is to join a walking or running club.
They are so happy and have many things in common, including running. My cousin
Teresa actually met her husband in a running group. I, too, have met some of my
best friends in health clubs and even re-met my partner in life, Chris, at the gym.
There are awesome people out there right now just waiting to support you in
your quest for better health. Get out and start a new network of friends. Find
positive people to partner with. It is possible that you have yet to meet some of
the best friends you will ever have.
Secret Eleven - Master Your Thoughts

At some point you will need to focus on the actions, and the results will take
care of themselves. In our courses we teach people how to eat for pleasure and
nutrition as opposed to eating for pain. We also teach a principle that defines
feeding the hole: a concept that stresses the importance of conscious eating.
In our quest for the best body we can achieve, it is critical that we do not compare
ourselves to others. We can only control our thoughts, actions, beliefs and
outcomes. How others look is of little or no concern. Our focus must remain on
our quest to be the best we can be.
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How we view our health will be in direct relation to what manifests. If our
attitude is poor, our health will likely be poor. To be the master of our thoughts
and not indulge in self-pity is a lifelong quest and one which is extremely
worthwhile. Know that you can do whatever you dream as long as you focus in
and have faith that it will come to you.
Secret Twelve - Be Grateful for Where You Are Right Now

It is natural to want to be somewhere else with your health. I struggled for years
because I compared myself to others. When I saw a woman who was thin, I
envied her. When I had a friend who could eat whatever she wanted and not
gain weight I was jealous. Women with perfect hair, skin, teeth, and bodies
became the enemy.
It wasnt until I decided to stop being jealous and embrace admiration that
things began to change. When that changed, everything changed; I learned how
to honor and be grateful for where I was. Today I am so grateful for my olive
skin, brown eyes, wavy hair, muscular legs and slender arms. I have worked hard
on my body and continue to do so. I am a work in progress and that is absolutely
fine with me.
Have It All Woman Tips for Health

Make a decision to put your health first.
Let go of comparisons.
Write down your goals.
Decide why you want to change and enter into a contract with yourself.
Replace limiting habits.
Schedule a physical.
Identify any of the twelve factors that may be influencing you.
Work with the secrets to success in building better health.
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Chap t e r F iv e
Cr e a t i n g H av e I t A l l
R e l a t i o n ships
If you look at what you have in life, youll always have more.
If you look at what you dont have in life,
youll never have enough.
Oprah Winfrey
The Accidental Relationship

In late March of 2009 I travelled to Malawi. I was six and a half months
pregnant with our fourth child and I had no idea why I had come back to this
country fuelled by poverty and made famous by the patronage of Madonna. It
was hot, I was hot and everyone around me shuffling, shoving and positioning
themselves in the queue were also hot. The customs line was an hour long and
with large men and imperious women jostling for position in the so-called line
I thought to myself, T.I.A.this is Africa, a line from Leonardo DiCaprios
movie Blood Diamond.
My husband would tell you that I get wanderlust. My home and my family
are my anchormy personal docking station, if you will. It doesnt take
more than a few weeks at home before I begin to look longingly at the
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Travel section in my Sunday New York Times or stray aimlessly through

the travel books at our local bookstore. I come from a family of wanderers
on my dads side: Chinese who ventured to Jamaica, the United States and
places all over the world. My Aunt Ruth and Uncle Mike have had many
adventures circumventing the globe and living for a year or two in places
like Manila, Bombay, Kazakhstan, Hong Kong and others; now in their
seventies they resign themselves to writing travel guides to China and going
on archaeological digs in places like Jordan.
Growing up I did not have the privilege of much travel, though I could lay claim to
visiting both Californias Disneyland and Floridas Disney World. I made a pact with
myself that I would one day roam the world and gift myself with a global education.
Although I have many, many more places to visit, I consider myself blessed to have
experienced a near-death plane ride flying into the jungle in Guatemaula and tasted
the most divine Pizza Margherita in Rome. I love the smell of rich history at the
British Museum in London and the pain-wrenching reflexology in the basement
of a store in Hong Kong. The more I travel, the more I want to travel and I openly
admit that some of my ideas are not so lovingly welcomed.
On this particular visit to Africa with my baby bump being bustled and my
nerves being jostled I once again asked why I was here. Wanderlust aside,
my friend Jim had begged me not to go. Chris was less than impressed that I
had chosen now, in my condition and pregnant with our child, to globetrot
from Cambodia to Malawi to Rome and then home. I argued that it was
book research for my labor of loveLittle Girl Lost, a story of the perils of
impoverished girls in Cambodia and Africa and their risk for sex trafficking.
Meanwhile, both Chris and I knew that the book was not the primary reason
for my misadventures; the reality is that aside from being with my children,
my husband, communing with God and running, the Third World is a place
where I feel truly alive.
people as an act of service. I have the honor and privilege to assist people in
discovering the beautiful person that lies within. I have worked hard to get to
where we are and I continue to do so. In my relationship with myself I have
strived to release proving, self-loathing and competition to produce from a place
of absolute peace, trust and surrender. This isnt always easy in business and it is
seductive to lose perspective at times.
In my relationship with myself I have strived to release proving, self-loathing
and competition to produce from a place of absolute peace, trust and surrender.
In Africa, none of the rest of the world matters. In Africa, you are in Africa
and that is a statement in and of itself. The smell of burning wood is what
welcomes me on this visit. People are preparing to cook their evening meal and
although Malawi has very little shrubbery remaining in its capital, Lilongwe,
people find it anyway. The ride from the airport is met with a variety of
sensory stimuli: a child playing naked by the road with a distended belly, or
a gaunt man, looking twenty years his own senior, riding a bike in a tattered
blazer, pants and ratty shoes.
Upon entering the capital, one is met with paved roads and homes behind
walls where gardens full of flowers and vegetables are planted. There are a few
embassies and even a modern grocery store. One could be wrongly lulled into
a false delusion that this is normalthat everyone drives in cars and has a full
belly at night. No. A short drive away, children die of malaria and only know
hunger, a tormented ache in their belly, that is experienced for the majority of
their life. No, T.I.A. and everyone knows that the only hope is found in the
foreigners. Thus the majority of people staying at our hotel are indeed just that:
well-meaning people like myself who are only perhaps slightly more enlightened
than someone who has never been here.
Really, I had come to Africa to refuel and regain perspective. I have a beautiful
life and I am extremely grateful. Every day I have the opportunity to inspire
A day after my arrival Jones, a social worker at an orphanage run by friends

from Canada, called me to say that he had found a girl for me to interview for
my book. He said that this girl had survived a brutal rape and was now living
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in a womens shelter in town. She had given permission to be interviewed

by me.
Sandy, my Executive Assistantand also my angeland I went to the shelter
to meet Margaret, a beautiful 15-year-old girl with soulful eyes that betrayed a
depth of life experience that no mother would ever wish for a daughter. Margaret
reported that she liked school. She woke up early every morning to clean the
latrines at the shelter. Most mornings her bed was covered with cockroaches as
large as small mice. Margaret walked about four miles to and from school; in the
evening there were more chores and homework.
I asked her about her feelings of her life and a grin overtook her face when
she replied through her translator that she would rather be here than living
with her uncle, the uncle who had brutally raped her, stolen her virginity and
impregnated her. She would rather be away from the aunt who threw her out
naked and tossed all of her clothes in the latrine pit. Margaret, in her cockroachinfested shelter, was much happier and dreamed of being an accountant and
going to university. Her greatest desire was an education.
Margaret is now my fifth child and we are her guardians. Malawian laws prohibit
the adoption of Malawian children by foreigners who have not resided in the
country for a minimum number of years. Yes, exceptions have been made,
though often for political or financial reasons. We send Margaret, an orphan
(both her parents died of HIV), to a girls boarding school and hope one day to
bring her to North America to be educated.
I went to Africa to research a book and I came home with a partial daughter.
What I have learned over time is that our richest relationships are those that
are unexpected. The most amazing friendships and partnerships are perhaps
the very ones that have not even occurred yet. We definitely attract people into
our lives for a reason. Sometimes this reason is not apparent in the moment,
but every person does indeed have a gift to offer usa lesson which is going to
enrich our lives by teaching us something about ourselves.
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Richer Relationships Lead to a Richer Life

Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I
think it all kinda falls into place.
- Jennifer Aniston - Actor
When we come to the end of this lifetime we will not wish we had more material
wealth; instead we will be focused only on the relationships we had and the
experiences that came as a result of those relationships. Take a moment to
imagine your 100th birthday. See yourself sitting in front of your birthday cake
aglow with candles. Look around the room at the smiling faces. Who is standing
there and how do they feel about you?
Dealing with our own mortality is bittersweet. On one hand we understand
that the passing of our physical body is inevitable; on the other hand we have
the opportunity to make every juicy second count. The truth is that our time is
limited and we cannot waste one day in hate, anger, judgment or guilt.
People will come and go in and out of our lives. Some of these people will be
perceived as positive, while others may be perceived as negative. The perception
is your choice; when you realize that every person has something to teach us
there can be no negativity, only contribution which is beautiful in and of itself.
Our relationships reflect back to us the inner workings of our soul. People who
have many rich relationships tend to be well balanced, loving and self-assured.
People with very few rewarding relationships tend to be selfish, controlling,
arrogant and are secretly deeply hurting inside. Those capable of hurting another
are dealing with their own deep self-hurts.
Our relationships reflect back to us the inner workings of our soul.
When we decide to become more self-loving and honor our true self, our relationships
shift. New people come into our lives to support our new way of being and others
disappear from our lives, their work doneoften a catalyst for us to change.
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Ultimately, you have the power to create your relationships. You are capable of
surrounding yourself with people who love and support your dreams. In order
to attract more and more incredible people into your life you must first decide
to be the person you would want a relationship witha person worth having at
your 100th birthday.
A Beautiful Relationship is Often Based on Hard Work

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words
become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman - Actor
My friend Kathy Smith has been married for over 28 years, and has seven
beautiful children and one grandchild. Kathy, still in her forties, is also a selfmade millionaire. She and her husband, Tom, work together and are partners
in life as well as business.
At the Smith house there is always something going on. There are family
dinners, football games to attend and people dropping by. Theirs is a very busy
and fulfilling life.
When I attend functions with Kathy, she and Tom are always holding hands.
When Kathy speaks, Tom looks at her in the same way that I am sure he did
when they were in high school. Likewise, when Tom speaks, Kathy absolutely
glows. To witness them speak of their children or their grandson is a sight to
behold. Both Kathy and Tom light up.
On her road to becoming a Have It All Woman, Kathy Smith had her trials and
tribulations. Before becoming successful entrepreneurs Kathy ran a daycare out of
her home and Tom was a butcher. In addition to their regular jobs, Kathy worked
midnights at a grocery store, while Tom ran a paper route in the morning. Not only
did they have little time for one another, they were constantly under financial stress.
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With seven children, college tuition fees, insurance, groceries, school fees
and activities there was very little money. The Smiths were living paycheck
to paycheck, and that forced them to work hard on their relationship during
the tough times. Kathy says that what brought them through was their faith
in God.
Tom and Kathy are a prime example of how easy it is to be happy when we are
financially free, though it is more rewarding to learn how to be happy even when
times are tough. According to one poll in USA Today, an estimated fifty percent
of American divorces could be prevented with just $500 extra per month. Many
marriages fail due to stress over money.
Tom and Kathys relationship demonstrates what can happen when a marriage
goes from surviving to thriving, as my friend and colleague Pastor Kevin Smith
says. The truth is that any relationship takes work. Investing in meaningful
relationships is your pathway to every success in your life.
Putting Your Family First

I feel my familys needs are a priority. Im not comfortable with the idea
of serving the many and ignoring my family.
Susan Sarandon, Actor
In our life pyramid our relationships come before our business. In our
relationships, we must put our immediate family first. I often share with women
that we build a business or a career with our family and not in spite of them.
What are you working for anyway? It is critical that you take time for your family.
It can be seductive to spend more time at work, or attend functions or events,
and have your family come second. Children are precious and they are only
young for so long. Among the thousands of women that I have worked with, the
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Why Do Relationships Require So Much Work Today?

We are in very challenging times as couples these days. There are some who would disagree but I
honestly believe that the dynamic of the modern relationship has unique challenges. Challenges
that can be overcome but it takes deliberate work to do so.
The most significant challenge that a relationship faces is the DNA of the relationship.
Just as we carry the DNA of our ancestors, we also carry the relationship DNA of the
families we were raised in, as well as the DNA of any previous relationships we have experienced.
The statistics are real and glaring in this matter. A woman who is raised in a home that has
suffered a divorce has a significantly higher chance of experiencing one herself. In fact, the daughter
of divorced parents is at a higher risk than the son of divorced parents. This does not determine
your outcome, but it is a strand of your relationship DNA that you need to be aware of so that
you can compensate for this factor.
fulfilling relationship more than smooth sailing all the time. Honesty about how you are feeling or
what you are remembering will cause personal discomfort, and it probably will create a minor or
major disturbance between the couple.
You have to desire the long-term results of honesty and openness more than you desire immediate
satisfaction. True intimacy only comes when a couple has chosen the long-term call to relational
greatness. Relationships reach greatness when a couple decides that they will settle for nothing less.
P.K. Smith
Relationship and Success Coach - Step Into Your Power
In over two decades of practice, P.K. has coached hundreds of couples. He has
a zero percent divorce rate.
If you also have experienced a relationship challenge or failure previous to the relationship you
are now in, the possibility of future relationship obstacles also increases. This is history that you
are bringing into your relationship. That is why the possibility of divorce increases in the second
marriage over the first marriage.
If you have both of these circumstances in your life, then I would recommend a significant amount
of premarital counseling. If you are not aware of the need for premarital counseling, then this
is an area that you really need to investigate. I never marry a couple without a few sessions of
premarital counseling to see how they are starting off in their marriage together. This is far more
important that the color of your invitations or even where you choose to spend your honeymoon.
I only half-jokingly tell everyone who I marry that they have a lifetime warranty on the ceremony
I perform. If I choose to marry a couple then I have to be in it for the long term. That means, if
three years down the road they need to revisit some of the concepts we discussed during premarital
counseling, then that is exactly what we will do.
Honesty from the very beginning is the first step to overcoming whatever obstacles your relationship
may be facing. You may not feel properly empowered to be honest with your partner alone. That
is when a relationship coach will take the conversation where it needs to go and stay until a path
out of a particular conflict is made obvious. We are all the same when it comes to these painful
or embarrassing conversations. We avoid them.
Avoidance and ignorance will not help you build the relationship of your dreams. We all bring
previously held ideas, dreams, pain and possibilities into every relationship we are ever in. We have
to value a successful relationship more than we value our personal comfort. We have to desire a
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number-one issue when it comes to family is guilt. As women we tend to feel

guilty when we are working and not with our children; likewise we feel guilty
being with our children and having other things pile up.
Among the thousands of women that I have worked with, the number-one issue
when it comes to family is guilt.
In my work day I stop between four oclock and eight-thirty for family time. I do
not answer the phone or schedule meetings. This is the time when we connect
as a family, do homework, play and eat together. My husband and children
know that no one, at this time, is more important than they are.
If I do need to schedule something I ask permission. Because this doesnt
happen very often, my family is very open when such situations arise. Having
grown up in a single-parent family, I made a decision that it was vital to put my
family first. I love what we have created. Family was the number-one reason I
decided to become a full-time entrepreneur where I could choose my own hours
and get paid what I deserved.
We also have family movie night where we get in our PJs and watch whatever
movie the kids choose. It is fun, relaxing and sacred. Every week we take a family
day which is a time for reverence, rest and rejuvenation. I look to the future
and ask myself, What will these children remember about growing up? What
I hope they recall is that there was family time every week and that before they
went to bed I always told them that they were my gift from God, and that they
had greatness inside them.
Collaboration Versus Competition with Other Women

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
- Mother Teresa
At the Have It All Womens Weekend we teach women to collaborate instead of
compete. We teach that when women come together and work as a team anything
can happen. Often women fail to truly step into their power because they either
become judgmental or allow feelings of jealousy to overshadow their ability to
create unions with other women who would be positive influences in their lives.
Often women fail to truly step into their power because they either become
judgmental or allow feelings of jealousy to overshadow their ability to create
unions with other women who would be positive influences in their lives.
In my million-dollar network marketing business, I co-created several six- and
multiple six-figure income women. All of the women were from different
backgrounds. Some were married, some single, some were mothers and others
were not. What bound us together was our entrepreneurial spirit and the quest
for greater self-worth.
At times it was challenging, much like having ten lionesses in one cage; however,
over the years, we learned, laughed and grew as together we celebrated our
differences and our similarities. For many of the women on this team, it was the
first time in their lives that they were able to collaborate with other women. For
me, the friendships and business relationships have been extraordinary.
I encourage you to make time for your family. Friends and business associates
may come and go, but your family is a part of you. Cherish every moment. In
your life pyramid, family comes before money, fame or fortune.
As mentioned previously, it hasnt always been easy for me to collaborate with

women. In early adulthood, all of my meaningful friendships tended to be
with men. My schizophrenic mom had been challenging and in my perception,
women had been traditionally disappointing to me. Girlfriends had backstabbed
and my boyfriends sisters hated me. I once caught one of my favorite aunts
talking about me behind my back, telling her kids how fat I was, and so on. In
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Life is not always perfect and I do travel extensively. This is why it is imperative
that when I am home, I am fully present to my family.
the past, when it came to other women, with the exception of my grandmother,
I didnt trust them, nor did I respect them. I have connected with so many
women who still hold these same notions that collaborations with other women
are truly challenging.
In my late twenties I made a decision to love myself first and foremost. That
was the beginning of the adventure. In the process of loving and accepting me,
I began to relate differently to other women. I now have amazing female friends
who I trust implicitly.
Working predominantly in the fitness industry, I was surrounded by a lot of

women. All of my managers and the majority of my fitness instructors were
women. I constantly felt awkward around them. I secretly felt not good
enough, so it was no surprise that I attracted women who talked about me
behind my back and let me down.
When it comes to relationships with other women, you must decide exactly
what you want. Do you want a friendship? Is it a business relationship? Are you
seeking women with whom you can collaborate? Are you looking for women to
do things with socially?
When I owned a health club we had many women working there. These were
some of the most gifted women I knew. We had a no-gossip policy, but I often
stumbled on many conversations that involved me as the owner. At the time, I
was in my early twenties and the subject of much talk concerning my capability
to run a fitness club.
It was painful. I felt very lonely. My marriage was falling apart and I didnt have
one woman friend that I could count on. I certainly didnt trust them.
My earliest female relationship was with my mother, but I can never remember
actually wanting to be with her. You see, my earliest memories are of a woman
who was emotionally disconnected and obsessed with teaching me about
religion and evil. After she kidnapped me and took me away from my dad, I
never trusted her again. I wanted to love her, or even like her, but it was always
hard to love someone who so obviously hated herself.
In all of my jobs I found it difficult to truly develop relationships with other
women. If I was the least bit vulnerable, they tended to use this information to
gossip. As a result, I became closed, and trusted no one. Women came in and out
of my life, but none of those relationships had the type of lasting friendship that I
wanted. I realize that I attracted all of these women to me to teach me a valuable
lesson: in effect they were only mirroring back to me the insecurities I felt myself.
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You must know what you want out of a relationship, or you may become
disappointed if the person doesnt live up to your expectations. There are
incredible women out there with whom you can collaborate, but make sure you
are clear about what you are seeking.
You must know what you want out of a relationship, or you may become
disappointed if the person doesnt live up to your expectations.
A couple of times every week I run with my friends, Jackie and Judy. Both of these
gals are absolutely awesome women, and we share many things in common. First
and foremost, we love to run and do races together. We never compete against
each other, and are equally happy for the others success as we are for our own.
We are also mothers and avid readers.
Jackie, Judy and I have been running for a few years and the relationship is
getting better and better. We have shared our joys, challenges, best recipes,
strategies for raising pre-teen daughters, and laugh-out-loud moments. For me,
it is the first time I have ever had running partners who didnt compete. Our
runseven the hill workoutsare relaxing and energizing.
Our relationship is one of collaboration. If one of us is having a tough time on
the run, the other gals cheer her on. If one of us is having a challenge at home,
we provide tips. Jackie and Judy are great friends.
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Unfortunately, the media encourages women to compete. How many sitcoms

are there on television where there are two women who hate each other? How
many popular media outlets portray battles between two female stars? This is
so bad. I can only liken it to a bad virus that is threatening the health of a
whole community. What is worse, however, is that as women we often spread
the disease because we crave the stories or buy into the lie.
We dont have to believe that women must compete to get ahead. Women can
collaborate and do great things. When we let go of needless competition and
focus on self-respect, our relationships with other women take on a new level
of strength.
Relationships where we are competing only serve to make us look bad. It is time
to let go, focus internally and commit to seeing that every woman has a gift to
offer you, if only you would take the time to see it. Women who irritate you are
especially important, because they represent a part of you that you do not like,
or remind you of a person whom you have not truly released.
Truly collaborating with other women means mastering your own emotions.
You must choose to let go of jealousy, hatred, envy and pride. You must commit
to standing up for other women as you would want them to stand for you.
Ultimately, you must have integrity as a person, and treat others the way you
would want to be treated.
The Women in My Life

Which women do you know who you would like to collaborate with?
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
Which women would you like to stop competing with?
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
Can you treat these women the way you would want to be treated?
T.U.A., or Total, Unconditional Acceptance

You show people what youre willing to fight for when you fight your friends.
- Senator Hillary Clinton
Relationships are dynamic and multifaceted. There is the relationship we have
with our lover or partner, the relationship we have with our children, our family,
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Yes No
The only way to move forward is to treat every woman who you envy, judge or
dislike in the same way you would like to be treated. The Bible tells us to do unto
others as we would have them do unto us. Live that today. Be that person now.
You are magnificent, and to act any other way is to truly live outside your power.
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our friends, our colleagues, employees and people we meet on a daily basis.
These are people whose lives we impact without even realizing it. The most
important dynamic is the relationship we have with ourselves.
There you have it, summed up nicely by my then-five-year-old daughter. If you

continue to complain about things in your life, God will make you go back and
learn the lesson all over again.
I have learned that we never know how a relationship will evolve or who we
will become within that relationship. Sometimes it starts and then diminishes
only to be rekindled years later. Other times we meet someone and have
amazing chemistry, only to have the relationship fizzle out. Some of my closest
friends are people with whom I have overcome challenges and we have grown
stronger together.
You can never fully experience total, unconditional acceptance or T.U.A., of

yourself or others if you are constantly complaining, judging, criticizing and
gossiping. Whatever you put out you get back tenfold. Additionally, others
around you will mirror exactly what you do and say. If you are surrounded by
negativity in your life right now, ask yourself what you are putting out.
Some women are big risk takers when it comes to relationships, and completely
give of themselves every time. Other women tend to be more cautious, and these
women I refer to as islands. Island women do not let anyone in fully, nor do
they allow others to contribute to them. Other women compartmentalize their
relationships, whereby they have certain people they do certain things with, and
only a handful of people in their inner circle.
Relationships are funny in that they provide a mirror of who we really are.
Through others we can see ourselves as totally beautiful or possibly negative. We
are always attracting people to us who mirror back to us exactly what we are. If
we are complainers we will attract complainers. If we are gossiping, we will attract
others who gossip with us and about us. If you want to have more meaningful,
trusting relationships then be a more meaningful, trustworthy person.
Relationships are funny in that they provide a mirror of who we really are.
As an aside, I learned the great rule about complaining from my daughter, Avery.
She was five at the time and wise beyond her years. I had been on a phone call,
and when it ended, I hung up with a loud sigh. Avery asked me what was wrong,
and I said, That person was really complaining.
You can never fully experience total unconditional acceptance, or T.U.A.,

of yourself or others if you are constantly complaining, judging, criticizing
and gossiping.
We are constantly teaching others how to react to us. Unintentionally, people
emulate the moods and behaviors of others. If we leave our house ticked off and
in a foul mood, we will attract that and people will react to us in the same way.
When we leave home happy, positive and at peace, we will attract others who
are in the same mood. An unhappy, negative person cannot be around someone
who is happy and positive for very long. They will either leave the situation or
attempt to bring the positive person down.
Practicing T.U.A. with all people also means accepting the people who are
negative. It doesnt mean that you condone the behavior; it just means
that you accept that person for how they are in that moment. We can
change day to day, hour to hour, and minute to minute depending on the
circumstance. T.U.A. means understanding that this person may just be
having a bad day.
Avery said, Mama, you know what happens to complainers? I said, No honey, tell
me. She replied, God makes them go back and learn the lesson all over again.
Have you ever been a completely different person depending on who you are
with? I am absolutely guilty as charged. I have a small group of T.U.A. people
who really know me as I am. They have seen me happy, tired, ticked off, upset,
silly, brave, sad and every other emotion I am capable of expressing.
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The most important person in my circle is my husband, Chris. He is an amazing

T.U.A. man and has embraced living with a Have It All Woman like me. I also
have T.U.A. with my children, which means that I love them for who they are
and accept them as the unique individuals they are becoming. T.U.A. with your
family is essential.
Whatever is happening in your outer relationships is happening with your
inner relationships. If you want to have T.U.A. with others you must first and
foremost have it with yourself. Could you accept yourself unconditionally?
Could you let go of the negative self-talk that goes something like this? I
will be happy when I lose 30 pounds. I will be happy when I can fit into
these jeans. I will love myself when I make more money. To be completely
accepting means to love yourself now and honor the fact that you are on
a journey.
T.U.A. is a concept I learned from my friend, Kirk. Kirk is a genius and a big
thinker. Sometimes Kirks thinking happens at such a fast pace that I have to
slow him down and take notes. Kirk is the kind of guy who has his picture
beside the word acceptance in the dictionary. If you were standing over a body
with a smoking gun in your hand and had Kirks T.U.A. he would say, Who
shot them?
In your closest relationships there should be a degree of T.U.A. With your
girlfriends there must be a sense of loyalty in that if someone wanted to say
something negative to you about them you could say, I am sorry, I have a T.U.A.
relationship with her, which means that I am not open. How liberating would
it be to have a group of people in your life whom you could trust completely and
who could also trust you?
Practicing T. U. A.
Who do you have a T.U.A. relationship with?
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
6. _ ___________________________________________________________
7. _ ___________________________________________________________
8. _ ___________________________________________________________
Who would you like to have a T.U.A. relationship with?
Commit to booking some dedicated time with the people in your life who you
can establish a greater T.U.A. relationship with. Treat your T.U.A. relationships
as an investment: what you put in will, if not immediately, eventually come back.
Look into your own social circle and ask yourself who you truly trust. Who
would you go to bat for? Who could you share your deepest secrets with? Who
in your life are you completely accepting of? It doesnt have to be a large number
of people, but we all need one or two confidantes.
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Why Women Need Other Women
But really, we also need to learn how to love one another as women. How
to appreciate and respect each other.
Chaka Khan, musician
Think of the great female friendships of our time. Oprah Winfrey and Gayle
King, Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston are two celebrity examples of
dedicated friendships. In fiction, think of the gals from Sex in the City; didnt
you want to be part of that dynamic foursome? These girls could laugh and cry
together and not skip one designer beat in their Manolos.
Going a Bit Deeper

Write down the names of two women who you really like, admire, trust and
would want to have a close friendship with.
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
What can you do to develop a deeper relationship with them?
In my twenties and early thirties, I didnt think women needed to have female
friends. I thought that I was doing just fine with having some close male friends.
It was at a seminar with Dr. John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women
are from Venus that it clicked for me. Not only did I need some close female
friends, I had to first develop friendships with women, because up to that point
I hadnt let any of them into my life.
Dr. Gray shares that when women talk about whatever is going on in our
lives it raises serotonin, a neuro-chemical that creates a feel-good sensation.
When we hold our problems in, they can fester and can cause sadness, anger
and frustration. For men, talking about their problems can cause a drop in
dopamine, the male feel-good neuro-chemical. This is also why your man may
tune out when you talk about purse shopping; he simply cannot relate.
Dr. Gray shares that when women talk about whatever is going on in our lives it
raises serotonin, a neuro-chemical that creates a feel-good sensation.
We need other women in our liveswomen who are special or extraordinary.

Perhaps you have a woman friend or even a female family member who you can
trust and have fun with. Maybe this is not the case. A great place to meet other
like-minded women is at seminars, womens networking groups, exercise classes,
spirituality centers, churches and clubs. You will find that there are great women
out there if you just start seeking.
Dr. Gray also says that women need other women as companions. It can even
help our relationships with our partners. When we have a place to vent, be silly,
conspire, chat and express ourselves we feel better. When we feel better we are
more loving. When we are more loving we set the stage for experiencing an even
more fulfilling and sensual love. You get the idea.
Often there are women we know casually but we do not yet have a close
relationship with. They may be women admire from afar because they are funny,
sociable, well-intentioned or just downright awesome. These women could
become great friends if you would take the time to truly get to know them. Just
like in dating, it is your responsibility to make the first move. Always bear in
mind, however, that establishing trust is essential to all relationships.
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Create a Deeper Connection with Others Using Mirroring

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Helen Keller
N.L.P., or neuro-linguistic programming, is a mechanism that provides many
techniques to assist people in developing better relationships and getting what
they want. One of the principles used is called mirroring, and it is something
used by the top motivational speakers and trainers in the world. Mirroring is a
process whereby one person essentially emulates the body position, breathing,
speech cadence and even eye movements of another. It is not copying or
mimicking.
Mirroring allows the person whose body language is being emulated to feel
comfortable with the mirroring person so that there is now an underlying sense
of mutual familiarity. Go and try it with someone. At first it may seem like an
unusual thing to do. I suggest working with one thing at a time, such as body
position. If you are speaking to another woman at a party and she is weighting
her right hip, slightly do the same. If she is holding her glass in a certain way, do
the same. Be subtle, however, as you do not want to be offensive.
Women and Work Relationships: Relating to Other Women in

Your Workplace
of sports, computers and girls, whereas women often compete, and put one
another down to do so. Whatever we do to someone else either makes us look
ugly or beautiful. Taking advantage of other women, gossiping, exhibiting
jealousy and acting childish is beyond ridiculous, and violates just about every
Biblical teaching I have ever read.
Just as we need other women in our personal lives, we also need to collaborate
with women in our work environment. In my speaking and network marketing
businesses, where the majority of people are women, I can tell you that building
rewarding relationships with other women can have an amazing impact on your
career and your business.
Not all women are at a level where they are fully able to collaborate. Some women
can be very negative and so are not the women you want to have as partners. At the
other end of the spectrum, many women are wonderful collaborators who can make
everything from your work day to your productivity run smoothly and efficiently.
Whatever you seek you will find. If you look at your workplace right now, are
there women with whom you would like to build a stronger, collaborative
relationship? As you become stronger and more positive, are there women
you need to release? What are you looking for in terms of your current job or
business? What would make your life a whole lot easier when it comes to relating
to other women?
Barbara Walters, Journalist
Once you have identified women who are collaborators, it is time to build the
relationship. One of the greatest ways to improve collaboration with other women
in your workplace is to acknowledge your colleagues and show value for their
work. When someone does a good job, make sure you tell them. When someone
pays you a compliment, be gracious, and say thank-you as opposed to deflecting it.
In the workplace there can be many dynamics when it comes to women, and
frankly, we give ourselves a bad name. Men can simply speak in the language
Every one of us loves to feel valued. For many women, especially those with an
unfulfilling home life, their work is their only source of feeling valued. You can
be an agent of change by taking time to truly acknowledge the other women with
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To feel valued, to know, even if only once in a while, that you can do a
job well is an absolutely marvelous feeling.
whom you work. If you are an entrepreneur, send cards to your valued customers
and colleagues. Take time to remember birthdays and special occasions. When
someone does something exceptional, make a big deal of it. The fastest way to
get the best from anyone is to praise them for a job well done.
Making a Decision to Create a Positive Work Environment

by Judy Curry
Working in an environment with little space and forty women can be a challenge
some days. I work in a hospital, where much energy is expended giving to people
in need. As in any job, people come to work with their own agendas and troubles
some days, which can lead to a less-than-positive attitude. I have noticed that
this can spread quickly.
At my job I am in a management position. I report to a boss and also have
people who report to me. Because of the department we are in, there is a shift
rotation. We can be working with different women on different days. At times
I used to dread going to work. I felt that many people were negative and taking
joy in the pain of others. I also realized that there is a high degree of stress in the
healthcare profession and people tend to release it by gossiping.
For the past two years I have been on a journey of self-discovery. I was sick and
tired of how I was feeling at work. I knew that if something was going to change, I
would have to change. I began reading books on personal empowerment. I started
journaling on how I was feeling. Slowly and surely my paradigm began to shift.
Today my focus is entirely different. I feel more free and powerful. I feel that
I can now express my opinions instead of holding them in. I also know that I
create my work environment because I can choose to respond or I can choose
to react, as Susan says.
on-the-job training. I decided that I was going to try extra hard to keep the work
environment positive. On her first day, I explained what was expected in the
technical duties of the job, then I enlightened her on the ground rules of the
attitude I wanted to achieve in the work environment.
Since we were going to be working in a close spaceonly the two of usI explained
that people would be coming in and out all through the day. Previously in this
environment, communication tended to turn negative at some point. I clarified
that only a positive attitude would be accepted. Basically, keep upbeat and treat
others with respect, as how you would like to be treated.
What was interesting to see was that within a few days, a brand new intern was
feeling confident enough to intervene and educate people entering the room.
I saw her explaining to them that only positive attitude was accepted in our
work environment. It was very rewarding to see the transition occur. Changes in
attitude can evolve with little steps at a time and this was clear to me.
The other thing that keeps me going is my T.U.A. relationship with Jackie and
Susan, my running partners. I can be feeling pretty low, and sure enough, twenty
minutes into a run I am laughing and letting go. I am grateful to have close
girlfriends who I know have my best interest at heart. Our friendship gives me
the strength and perspective to create more in my life.
Women and Men in the Workplace

Creativity comes from a conflict of ideas.
Donatella Versace, Designer
A great illustration of how my life is so different occurred at work just last week.
On this particular day I was going to be receiving a new intern, keen to acquire
When it comes to men and women, as John Gray says, men often seem as
though they really are from Mars. Just pick up any magazine for men and the
focus is how to get six-pack abs and be a winner in the bedroom. I think they
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throw other articles in just to create the illusion of substance. The reality is that
men make life more interesting and great collaborations can often come when
the brain of a woman and a man unite.
some allies, as long as you maintain your stance as a woman. Even though many
men are not looking for sexual encounters in the workplace, be sure to send the
message that you are professional and friendly to avoid any confusion.
One of the most powerful women on the planet is Oprah Winfrey. She is an
example of a strong, independent woman who is able to collaborate and even
evolve the careers of men such as Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz. Oprah does not appear
to be threatened by men, nor does she appear to want to be one; instead Oprah
seems to have mastered the art of collaboration with the opposite gender, which
has yielded some beautiful outcomes.
Yes, ladiessome men are looking for more than work relationships; you can
read any Esquire magazine to see that for yourself. The best advice I can give is
do not do anything you know you will regret, that could diminish your career
opportunities or hurt another person. The Have It All Woman will choose to do
only things that retain her self-respect.
As women, especially if we have experienced abuse in our past, the idea of

collaborating with a man can feel intimidating. Often our old hurts, pains
and stories are carried into our career and these can be transferred onto our
colleagues, business partners and every professional relationship we have with a
man. As a Have It All Woman, we can choose to operate from a place where we
understand that everyone has a gift to contribute to us and this includes those
gifts that come from our business relationships with men. If we allow our past
hurts to get in the way of collaborations with the opposite gender we are likely
miss out on extremely rich opportunities.
Some of my best friends and business colleagues are men. Many of my greatest
business mentors have also been men. Men offer a unique perspective in their
ability to focus on a singular task, not get overly caught up with office politics
or gossip, and tendency toward linear thinking. As women we can operate more
from the realm of the emotional rather than the rational and even be our own
worst enemies in our own work or business environment.
Ask yourself what you can learn from the men around you. Take time to observe
their habits, attitudes and work. Ask yourself if there is anything you admire or
can emulate from the successful men you know. Finally, seek to collaborate with
successful men and other women as it is said that the five people you spend the
most time with will either elevate or demote your own level of success.
Working with Your Partner

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she
gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie - Author
Men offer a unique perspective in their ability to focus on a singular task, not get
overly caught up with office politics or gossip and tendency toward linear thinking.
Couples do have a long history of collaborating and competing. Think of power

couples such as Bill and Hillary Clinton, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip,
Ronald and Nancy Regan, and a list of others who not only collaborate, but also
work together to achieve more. When partners work together, amazing things
can happen; fortunes can even be made. The secret is to focus on individual
strengths and support one another equally.
I have worked in male-dominated offices. It can be a lot of fun. I have participated

in hockey pools, poker games and chatting about who won football over the
weekend. Getting to know the guys and speaking their language can help you win
I work with my husband, Chris. He is absolutely incredible in terms of support,

T.U.A. and his business acumen. Chris comes from a background as a Chartered
Accountant, so we bring different skills to the table. He has many qualities that
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I admire and is highly competent in several areas that I am not. Case in point:
four remote controls for the televisionhe knows how to operate them and I
do not have a clue. But I digress Aside from the technical prowess he brings
to our union he is also a very logical, linear thinker, which balances out my
right-brained, creative, dreamer personality. He really is my best friend and an
amazing business partner.
This wasnt always the case. Chris and I used to be in entirely separate worlds.
He would work for 70-80 hours per week as an accountant. I worked with clients
in health and wellness so my hours were staggered. I would be leaving for work
at 5:00 a.m. and he would be coming home at 1:00 a.m. We were often like the
proverbial two ships that pass in the night. Our biggest dream in those days was
to buy a house and take one vacation every year. We were just surviving and
definitely not thriving.
I started a business while Chris was still working in public accounting. At the
time, he supported me although he didnt have a real interest in it. As my
business became successful, we came to the point where we had the option to
retire Chris. He had been an accountant for fifteen years so this didnt come
easy, nor was it taken lightly.
day, working with your partner can be truly rewarding. Thanks to our mentors,
whose stories are in the next section, Chris and I have learned the secrets to truly
enjoying a marriage that is also a business partnership. We hope that if you are in
business with your life partner that these will work for you as well.
When you work with your partner, the bottom line comes down to mutual
respect. First, you must respect yourself; secondly, you must respect your partner.
Make time to have a date night once every week. For Chris and me this is
Thursday night and it is sacred. If we have to be at a business function we move
it to another night but we do not miss this time. Sometimes it is as simple as
enjoying a glass of wine after watching a movie after the kids go to bed. Date
night is important.
Take time every day for gratitude. Chris and I finish the day by sharing what we
are grateful for. When we run together we start with our gratitude list.
Be thankful to your partner. If I am traveling for our business, I will call home
to thank Chris for creating a clearing for me to work. Just letting your partner
know that they are appreciated is massively important to your relationship.
Chris did retire, and had to learn how to be an entrepreneur. I had been in free
enterprise for decades so it came much more naturally to me. Initially, Chris
had a hard time not trading time for dollars. Through the years he struggled; we
worked on our marriage and ourselves.
Surprise and delight. Well, this one is rather intimate. However, you must make
time to be spontaneous, and that includes sex. When you work together you
tend to share the same stories, which can be boring. Ramping up your sex life
can definitely assist the relationship.
Today we both take courses and read inspirational books. We share goals and
dreams. Our big secret was letting go of trying to get the other person to conform
to our way of thinking. Our future is full of possibilities as we look for new ways
to collaborate on bigger projects.
Take care of your health. To effectively work together you must take care of yourself.
Your stress and sickness can affectand infectyour partner and then both of you
are out. Follow the Have It All Womans Life Pyramid in chapter two.
When you work with your partner, the bottom line comes down to mutual respect.
First, you must respect yourself; secondly, you must respect your partner. We all
have different strengths and skills that are brought to the table. At the end of the
These are just a few of the things Chris and I do to keep our marriage and our
business relationship together. We also take time to just hug several times every day.
I can say to Chris, I need you, and he just hugs me. Often it is all I need to carry
on with whatever I am doing. We are truly blessed to be partners, lovers and friends.
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Jim and Kathy Coover - Creating a Fortune Together
Our Relationship History
Jim and Kathy are co-founders of Isagenix International, a very successful

network marketing company with sales approaching one billion dollars. Jim
is the president and CEO. Kathy is the senior vice president. Together they
are unstoppable.
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no
hurt, but only more love.
Kathy started her early career as a dental hygienist. Through a friend she met
Jim, an entrepreneur, and they began to date. Jim was working with network
marketing companies and Kathy had very little interest. One day it all clicked
for her and she decided that she couldnt spend any more time looking in
peoples mouths.
Our first relationships begin the moment we are born. From infancy we are
learning cause and effect. Often when an infant cries someone picks her up.
That infant is taught that crying yields a response. In some cases a crying infant
is not picked up and so the infant learns that crying is useless.
After the birth of their son, Eric, Kathy knew she wanted more and began to blaze
a trail in network marketing. She became the top earner in several companies
and a self-made millionaire. Jim also consulted with large corporations and
other network marketing companies. After two decades of successfully working
together, they were ready to retire when they received a call from John Anderson,
a master product formulator.
They immediately became involved with Johns vision to work with nutritional
cleansing and change lives. The three founded Isagenix and made industry history.
Kathy and Jim work in separate offices down the hall from one another at the
Phoenix, Arizona headquarters of their company. They have mutual admiration
and respect for each other. Their work calls for a great deal of travel and they are
passionate about what they do.
The secret to the Coovers success is their strong faith, belief in what they are
doing and making separate time for one another. Jim and Kathy still have date
nights and family dinners with their son. They also make time for exercise and
are focused on a healthy lifestyle. They are living proof that you can have it all:
family, friendship, a loving relationship, wealth, health and balance.
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Mother Teresa
As children we delve into more complex relationships. We learn cause and effect
with our friends, family and authority figures. Children from the same home can
grow to become different people not only because they are different genetically
but also because their relationships with people outside the home are different.
Our relationships in childhood form how we react and respond in adulthood.
In coaching clients over the years, we have often identified one childhood memory
that shaped an adult belief. This memory is not always painful or necessarily
significant, but sometimes, the most innocuous event can shape our future.
When I was in grade nine I had a best friend, Megan. She and I were both
runners and in the same grade. She was blonde, blue-eyed and gorgeous. She
came from a two-parent family that also included an older, also gorgeous sister.
I, on the other hand, was dark-haired, with brown eyes, from a single-parent
home. I always compared myself to Megan and wished that my life could be
like hers.
One day we were at my house doing homework. It was the day before a big track
meet. Megan and I were running against one another. My dad innocently asked
Megan if she was going to win the race. I was stunned, shocked, sad, angry
and humiliated all at once on account of my fathers question. Megan, ever the
lady, replied, One of us will, either Sue or myself. The next day, sure enough,
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Megan and I raced. She won and I came second. I felt so defeated. My dad was
there and congratulated me, but it felt empty.
be several. The truth is that where we are today is a result of past experiences and
choices made around those experiences.
From that day forward I always felt second best. I didnt try to win races because
I knew, in my dads eyes, that I wasnt a winner. I continued to be second best
in my class, second choice for boys and just plain second all over the map. My
relationship with my dad also changed. I felt unloved and unappreciated.
Regardless of where you are right now, reflecting on your childhood can provide
some valuable insights into your present relationships. To create change, to
move forward, and to attract deeper and more meaningful interaction with
people, we must first possess a strong desire to change. Change requires
strength. Maya Angelou said, Without courage you cannot practice any of
the other virtues. I encourage you to embrace change and work toward more
vibrant and fulfilling relationships.
This one incident translated into self-sabotage later in life. I didnt go into races
to try to win; I went in to come in the top three. It was getting ridiculous. I knew
I had the talent to win but I did not believe I could.
Several years later I had a clearing conversation with my father. A clearing
conversation is one where two people essentially release anything that they are
feeling without an attachment to the outcome. I felt that I had to clear that with
my dad. My father was shocked that I remembered and confessed feeling bad at
that time. He had completely forgotten that Megan and I would be in the same
race because I usually did not race the 3000 meters.
I had spent years coming second because I thought I would never be first in my
dads eyes. I had spent years settling for anything but first place. One incident
had affected many relationships, especially how I interacted with my father or
men with similar characteristics.
Here is the lesson learned: it only takes one incident, one misinterpretation, or
one event to change the course of your life.
To create change, to move forward, and to attract deeper and more meaningful
interaction with people, we must first possess a strong desire to change.
Looking back on your childhood, did you have a relationship with someone that
suddenly changed because of something they said or did? Has it affected other
relationships? Are you behaving differently now toward that person or people
associated with them? What beliefs have you established? Lets take a moment
to do an exercise which will help us establish a starting point.
The Gratitude Process

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Suzanne Somers, Author, Actor
At the first Have It All Womens Weekend we were doing an exercise around
trust. We asked the women how many of them had been sexually abused or
assaulted. Almost sixty percent put their hands up. That weekend provided a lot
of healing for the women in the room.
One of the things we teach in our courses is how to make peace with difficult
people in our lives. Not only do we have toxins in our bodies, we can also
have them in our minds. Ultimately, these mind toxins affect our current
relationships and the partnerships we are looking to create.
Many women fail to live their lives and play full-out because they are stuck in the
pastoften without realizing it. There may be more than one event. There may
Having faith that you can attract better people into your life is the first step.
Having the belief and the desire that you want to attract amazing men and
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My Childhood
Write out an incident that occurred in childhood where you consciously
changed your behavior afterward.
women into your life is the second step. The third step is to move into a place
where any current toxic relationships are either severed or resolved
In Dr. John Demartinis landmark book The Breakthrough Experience,
he teaches people how to collapse people who are not serving them. Dr.
Demartini says that all people have something to teach us. When we sit in a
place of resentment, guilt, frustration or hatred we will be held back in our life.
He shares that even the seemingly most evil people have gifts to give.
In our courses and at the Have It All Womens Weekend, we teach people how to
fully release and step into gratitude. This has benefited so many of our students
and continues to benefit me on a personal level. When you fully understand the
process, it is amazing how quickly you can deal with even the most challenging
people or circumstances. This process can completely heal your body, mind,
soul, spirit and emotions.
Who was the other person involved?
What characteristics did they or do they possess?
To better understand how to clear toxic people and circumstances, we must

embrace the knowledge that every person and every situation has a gift to give us
if we are open to receiving it. Every challenge, every memory and every person has
a gift to offer us. Until we understand what this gift is, we will repeat our patterns
of attracting this type of person without benefiting from the relationship.
Who in your current life has those same characteristics?
God gives us the opportunity to truly learn. We are repeatedly served up with
similar personality types until we truly get it. To illustrate the point, look at the
person you chose to focus on in the last exercise. How did it make you feel to even
write their name? What memories surface when you think of that individual?
Many books tell us to forgive. Forgiveness is incredible when it truly comes from
the heart. To simply say, I am sorry, requires a great degree of humility, if it is
genuine. The Bible tells us to forgive. Initially I thought that it was in reference
to only the forgiveness of others. I now realize that forgiveness must also include
ourselves. To be able to forgive yourself for getting sick, gaining weight, attracting
someone negative into your life or living a tragedy, is absolutely divine.
What is the pattern you are seeing?
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On a higher level of vibrational energy than forgiveness, is gratitude. To look

at the most challenging person or situation in your life, and be grateful for that
individual or that event, is ultimately of the highest accord. Gratitude takes you
to a place of peace. When you are at peace you can love more deeply and attract
more desirable people and events to yourself.
You may be thinking, Susan, this person really hurt me. How can I be grateful
for them? Your question is valid and makes sense. There is, however, a way in
which you can be completely grateful for any circumstance, person or situation
in your life right now. I have done this myself. I have also taught it to thousands
and will continue to do so.
In order to fully go through the process, you must first identify the person
or situation that is causing you pain. In the last section we worked on going
through our past to find people or situations that caused us to respond in
specific ways, and which over time established a certain pattern of behavior. The
gratitude process builds on this and allows you to absolutely release any person
or situation that is holding you back.
The gratitude process contains ten key steps:
1. Identify a situation or person who caused you pain.
2. What were/are the characteristics of the person/situation?
3. Does anyone else in your life have these characteristics?
4. If yes, who are they?
5. How am I a better person for experiencing this event/knowing this person?
6. What is great about this?
7. What are/were the lessons I learned/can learn from this about myself?
8. Am I willing to fully let it go?
9. What am I grateful for?
10. Write a letter to the person in the situation or to yourself.
One of the people I collapsed was my mother. To even write about her with
peace took me many, many years. When I finally realized that she had given me
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a tremendous gift I felt true love toward her for the first time in my life. From
there I was able to love her fully and have T.U.A. My mother is my mother. I love
her but I do not have to like what she does.
The incident I worked on releasing was the fact that my mother left me alone
at such a young age. I was petrified of the dark and I was frightened of being
abandoned. For years I attracted the wrong men just so I wouldnt be alone.
Releasing my mother allowed me to attract my great love, Chris, and our
relationship has been, and continues to be, amazing.
Below is an example of how to release a situation or person:
1. Identify a situation or person who caused you pain.
a. My mother leaving me alone.
2. What were/are the characteristics of the person/situation?
a. Aloof
b. Addict
c. Victim
d. Saboteur
e. Liar
3. Does or did anyone else in your life have these characteristics?
a. Yes
4. Who are they?
a. Bob
b. Jim
5. How am I a better person for knowing him/her?
a. I am a great mother. I make sure my children always feel safe. They know
Chris and I are there for them.
6. What is great about this?
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Success with the Gratitude Process.
produced more than the bully had ever done...
Over the last year and a half, Ive had the privilege of being coached by Susan Sly. One of
the most valuable lessons I learned with Susan coaching me was how to use the Gratitude
Process to collapse negative people who had influenced my life and continued to impact
me in my adult life, and how to collapse negative people who come into my life now.
Since these first collapsing experiences, I have collapsed my father, who divorced my
mother after 37 years of marriage. I was able to personally phone him and read the letter
to him, telling him how much I appreciated the lessons learned from him: faithfulness and
honesty. Because of the lessons he taught me, I have a very solid, happy marriage that will
last til death do us part.
The process of releasing required that I identify the person or persons in my life who had
negatively affected my experiences. In making a list of the negative people, I also made
notes of what I had learned from those persons and the experiences that had occurred over
the years or recent months.
Through this exercise, I learned that I would not be the person I am today, had I not
experienced these relationships. Although I always thought of myself as being a very
positive person, I came to realize that I had some hidden resentment and anger deep
inside. Each of the experiences taught me a valuable lesson.
Susan helped me discover the characteristics of the people in my life that had created
challenges for me. One clearly surfaced. I had been bullied by more than one person in
my past. That afternoon, while doing the exercise, as I searched my inner core one person
kept coming to mind: the bully from my childhooda sibling. I had let him bully me all my
childhood and adult life without realizing it.
Ive also released several other people in my current life who dont live by the values that I
consider important. While going through the process of reading the letters written to them,
it was uncomfortable, painful and emotional. Afterwards, however, the feeling of freedom
I experienced was so awesome.
Now, I know it is important for my growth and personal development that I continue to
identify and collapse negativity in my life. This process will enable peace and ease to flow
in all areas of my life. I will always be eternally grateful to Susan for this lesson.
Charlene Patterson
Entrepreneur
I remembered all the things that had happened in our childhood. Susan suggested I write
a letter to him letting him know how grateful I was to him for all the life lessons he had
taught me through the years. Writing the letter in the present tense, I thanked him for
teaching me how to show compassion to everyone who crossed my path, to be honest in all
my dealings with humankind, and to have a great attitude toward everyone. I went on to
tell him how I have succeeded in attracting the right people into my businesspeople with
integrity, who are joyful, coachable, inspiring and responsible. I thanked him for each
lesson I learned from him over the years.
It took some effort to be thankful for his behavior that taught me to always be honest,
compassionate, and honor others. Writing the letter took about two hours and was
very emotional, as memories I had forgotten about surfaced in my mind. Even though
I couldnt read the letter to him, I felt freedom after reading it without his hearing, and
then shredding the letter.
After releasing this sibling, there was a bully who rose up in my business team. I collapsed
him and the very next week, another leader was attracted to the team. This person has
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a. I am so grateful to my mother because her neglect helped me become very

conscientious as a parent.
7. What are/were the lessons learned/can learn about myself?
a. I am resilient. I am a survivor.
8. Am I willing to fully let it go?
a. Yes
9. What am I grateful for?
a. I am so grateful to my mother. I do know that she wanted the best for me.
Her way of teaching me was to illustrate how not to be and I love her for it. I
am the woman I am today because of her.
After my ex and I parted I was financially devastated. I left for Toronto and lived
on my brother-in-laws sofa for about a month. After a couple of paychecks and
attracting a great apartment only steps away from my job, I was able to live on
my own. This was the first time in over ten years that I had lived by myself. It was
exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
In the daytime I went to the health club where I was based and spent much
of my free time training for the triathlon. I kept myself busy so I wouldnt be
depressed. My grandmother, Popo, professed that work was indeed therapy, and
I could surely
The tenth step is to write a letter to yourself as if you are still in the situation or
to the person who affected you. The letter must be one of gratitude and also a
sharing of the pain it may have caused you. If you are writing to yourself in the
past then write to yourself at the age you were when the event occurred.
I watched the other women I worked with either go on dates or make plans with
their boyfriends. For me, Friday night meant working or staying in. During this
time I read books and focused on what I wanted. I also dreamed of my idyllic life
in the future and took some time to heal.
We have helped so many people in the gratitude process. Women have freed themselves
of bullies and let go of toxic people to become better mothers, wives, partners and
friends. I continue to use the ten steps whenever something comes up that I do not feel
great about. This process has helped me become a Have It All Woman.
One of my favorite aunts, Gloria, was also single at the time and living in the
same city. I would call her up and we would chat about men. Together we
conspired about what the ideal man would look like. Together we decided to
make a list.
Attracting the Ideal Relationships
Initially my list included 54 items. It didnt take me long to realize that

54 items might be a little extreme. I mean, honestly, those are some big
expectations. I also wasnt creating a clearing for any man to actually grow
with me.
You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.

Barbara Deangelis, Author
You can truly have fulfilling and collaborative relationships. The key is to be
specific about what you are looking for in a partner or friend. After this you
must make a clearing for that person to show up in your life. From experience I
can tell you that anything is possible.
The list then shortened to ten things that were an absolute must. I would not
compromise and I would not be denied. This list became my gold standard.
Everywhere I went I looked at men and wondered which one of them had the
exact qualities I was seeking in a life partner. I had done it wrong once before
and was not about to do it again.
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Gratitude
Take time and go through the Gratitude Process. Work through the ten steps. It
may be quite painful or it may require very little effort. Mastering this process is
one of the steps required to becoming a Have It All Woman.
What are/were the lessons I learned/can learn from this about myself?
Am I willing to fully let it go?
Identify a situation or person who caused you pain.

What am I grateful for?
What were/are the characteristics of the person/situation?
Write a letter to the person or to yourself as if you are still in the situation.
Does/did anyone else in your life have these characteristics?
If yes, who are they?
How am I a better person for experiencing this event/knowing this person?
What is great about this?
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Susans Must-Have List (in no particular order)

1. I want a man who loves me completely for who I am as a person.
2. I want a man who loves my daughter as his own.
3. I want a man who has faith in God.
4. I want a man who honors his health and likes to exercise.
5. I want a man who has a sense of adventure.
6. I want a man who loves to travel.
7. I want a man who is monogamous and committed.
8. I want a man who will be my partner.
9. I want a man who is willing to grow and is open.
10. I want a man who makes me feel safe and loved.
So this was my list. I wrote it out. I carried it with me everywhere. In the
meantime I worked on me. I also left part of my closet with empty hangers and
cleared a spot in my bathroom drawer for his things.
One evening I was watching the sunset from my fifteenth-floor apartment
in midtown Toronto. The sky was full of brilliant beams of crimson, scarlet,
magenta and fiery orange. This was the kind of sunset that you just wished
would go on for hours.
I looked across the skyline towards the other buildings. I set my focus on the
tallest one within my sight. I asked myself, who would live there? What was
going on in their lives? Were they in pain like I was? Were they full of hope like
I also was? What were their dreams and goals?
I had a vase of roses which were fading on my balcony. The roses had been
marked down to $3.00 for me. They had been perfect and I think the woman
who ran the vegetable stand I patronized felt that I could use them. I picked up
a wilting rose and began throwing petals over the balcony as the sun continued
to set. I recited my list.
that morning. I was wearing yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt. One of my
staff had called in sick and I was stocking the towels.
I looked up and caught sight of a man who seemed very familiar. In fact, I was
certain that it was a guy I had gone to high school with in Brockville. This wasnt
any ordinary guy: it was Chris Arkeveld, the boy who every girl wanted to date.
When I was in high school I was the typical hormone-ravaged girl. I wasnt exactly
popular and tended more toward the jock side. I didnt feel like I fit in, partially
because I came from divorced parents and also because I was darker-skinned.
I fell in love with Chris Arkeveld the moment I saw him when I was in grade
nine and he was in grade twelve. I get shivers just writing these words. I would
see Chris in the halls and go weak in the knees.
Of course, he was out of my league back then, and I could only love him from
afar. I decided, being the young salesperson I was then, to trade lockers with
people so I could get close to him. I never spoke to him but would occasionally
try to say hello if I could get past the nerve-induced nausea.
I did get up the courage to ask him to dance one night. We did dance, to one
slow song, when I was in grade ten. I am sure he did it out of pity more than
anything, though he maintains today that he thought I was cute.
When we finished university he wanted to ask me out, but I was dating the
man who would be my first husband, so nothing came of it. I would see him
in passing and my heart would flutter a bit, but because I was already with
someone I wasnt open to anything.
Here we were, many years later in Toronto, with Chris walking into my club and
me looking like a train wreck. I went to the front desk computer after he swiped
his membership card. I needed to verify that it was indeed Chris Arkeveld. Not
only did I confirm that it was Chris, but his membership status said, single.
The next day I went to work after an early swim practice. My hair was its usual
wavy mess. After the separation I had cut it all off and it was particularly unruly
I went to the changing room to apply some mascara and see what I could do
with my hair. I didnt have any other clothes at work so I had to make do with
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what I had available. After getting myself into as decent of an appearance as I

possibly could given the circumstances, I headed out to find him.
So many thoughts were going through my mind. What if he thought I was fat?
At that time I was thirty pounds more than I was in high school and also more
than my current weight. My adrenals had been so shot that I had gained thirty
pounds in record time. What if he didnt remember me? What if he was a jerk?
I decided to turn my own auditory filter off and go have a conversation. He was
lifting weights and looking really, really fine. I went up to him and said, Are
you Chris Arkeveld? Great opener, I know. However, it was the best I could
think of.
He said that he was and I asked him if he remembered me. He had that blank
look of, I dont know who the heck you are, on his face. Nevertheless he was
very polite until we pursued the conversation further and something clicked.
We had gone to a small high school, but it wasnt as though he had been my best
friend or anything like that.
He asked me if I would like to get a drink sometime. I said that it would be
lovely. I gave him my card and attempted to be casual about it. I wondered if he
could see my heart pumping under my oversized sweatshirt.
I waited for him to call. I had been out of dating for so long that I didnt know
what the rules were. Do I call him? Does he call me? What should I do?
I phoned a girlfriend who worked in the publishing industry and asked her what
the new standard was. She had gone to high school with both Chris and me
and suggested that a guy like him was a bit more traditional and that I should
wait. She also said that he likely wasnt calling because my last name was now
different.
the club. I also took other measures. I started wearing some makeup every day
just enough to look awake. I also began taking steps to getting healthy and as a
result dropped seven pounds quickly.
About a week and a half laterit actually seemed like ten yearsI got a call from
Suzy at the front desk. He was here. Heart pounding, I gave him ten minutes to
get changed and then hunted him down. With my stomach in my throat, I asked
him if he was going to call me for that drink or what. He said, How about this
Thursday? I was elated.
On our first date we didnt kiss. We just talked. Chris had broken up with
his girlfriend months prior. We were both single, alone, and forging ahead
with our careers. He walked me home and I prayed to God that I would see
him again.
The next Monday we had our second date and have been together ever since.
Our life together has been magical, although we have had our challenges, which
only serve to make us work harder. We love one another and are in love. Best of
all, he has everything on my list. As an aside, we found out that our dads were
schoolmates at the same high school.
Many years later Chris and I are married with four children in total and he
loves Avery as his own. In fact, people say that Avery looks like Chris! She was
just three years old at the time of our connection as a couple, so he is every
bit her father. Moreover, our kids look so alike that no one questions Averys
relationship to Chris.
I took my friends sage words to heart and decided to up the stakes. I had our
entire front desk team on Chris alert. They were to call me when he came into
God absolutely created this miracle in my life. Although I had to do some of

the work, He put Chris in my path. In the Bible, in the book of Mark chapter
11, it says that we shall have whatever we want as long as we have faith and pray.
Wherever you are in terms of looking for an ideal partner, friend, or enhancing
your current relationships, just be specific on what you want, and have faith.
Everything you desire can absolutely be yours.
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For Singles
List out the 10 qualities and values you are seeking in your ideal partner.
Matthew 7:7 says, ask and it shall be given to you. The more specific you are the
more likely that your ideal partner will show up.
1. _ __________________________________________________________
2. _ __________________________________________________________
3. _ __________________________________________________________
4. _ __________________________________________________________
5. _ __________________________________________________________
6. _ __________________________________________________________
7. _ __________________________________________________________
8. _ __________________________________________________________
9. _ __________________________________________________________
10.___________________________________________________________
Its Never Too Late to Ignite Your Relationship or Find Passion

I am in loveand, my God, it is the greatest thing that can happen to a
man. I tell you, find a woman you can fall in love with. Do it. Let yourself fall in love. If you have not done so already, you are wasting your life.
D. H. Lawrence
Wherever you are right now, know that it is never too late to find your true love
or ignite passion in your current relationship. As women we are so strong, vibrant
and unstoppable if only we believe those things to be true. I do believe that we
have incredible relationships waiting for us and sometimes that relationship is
the one in which we currently find ourselves.
Wherever you are right now, know that it is never too late to find your true love
or ignite passion in your current relationship.
If you believe that you can awaken the part of you that is passionate, move
towards it. Naturally, there are times when we doubt our ability to attract the
perfect partner or create more romance with our current partner. The secret to
having the relationship of your dreams is to stop comparing what you have to
the past. The moment you let go of the if onlys and move into possibility, you
shift your reality. Stop focusing on the past and what was. It prevents you from
creating something even more vibrant in the future.
My husband was lamenting one day about how passionate we were when we first
started dating. Of course, we didnt have four children and a full life. I shared
with him that focusing on the past was closing the door to what could be in the
future. Passion changes and love intensifies the longer we are with someone.
By the same token, people who live only for the passion find themselves
disappointed when it comes to long-term commitment.
Long-lasting, nurturing relationships where both partners grow together are
incredible. Passion can be ignited by variety, spontaneity, and yes, effort!!! To
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bring passion into your marriage or relationship takes creativity and work. It is
much like going to the gym: the hardest part is getting there, if you know what I
mean. Rememberwhatever we fail to nurture dies.
To bring passion into your marriage or relationship takes creativity and work.
I am always looking for creative ways to experience greater connection with my
husband. Having four children doesnt always provide opportunities to indulge
in solitary time. Sometimes I write him a random e-mail detailing 10 things I
love about him right now, or leave a little Post-It note for him with an invitation
for a kiss. I also know that when I take care of and love myself, Chris is more
appreciative. If I am self-deprecating it is a major turn-off. No one wants to hear
their partner putting themselves down.
For women who have not found long-lasting partnership, it is important to
believe that it is possible. It is also important to put yourself out there and meet
as many people as you can. Be specific in what you are seeking and do not give
up hope. On a planet with billions of people, I know that your ideal partner is
out there, and that as you set your intention on finding them, the closer you will
get to achieving a lifelong, fulfilling relationship.
Igniting Your Relationship

There are many ways to ignite your relationship. Choose a few of these
suggestions and get started today.
Schedule a set date night: you can stay in, go outeither way, make the time.
Leave a random love note or card of appreciation.
Take a class together.
Schedule a romantic night away.
Play dress-up for your partner.
Write a list of 10 things you appreciate about your partner and leave it on the pillow.
Book a you choose afternoon and allow your partner to choose an activity.
Ladiesyou are fairly certain what will be chosen. Just go with it.
Watch a movie, sporting event or something your partner wants to watch.
Buy concert tickets to your partners favorite artist.
Leave a randy note in your partners computer bag or wallet.
Lastly, ease up, girlfriend: as women we can get really uptight.
Relationships with Our Children

Childrens talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
Maya Angelou
Ask any parent and they will tell you that being a parent is a great gift; what
they often will not share is that it is also the greatest challenge. What often
scares us about our children are those tiny idiosyncrasies that we cannot stand in
ourselves and are being made manifest by the child. For example, I was a messy
teenager. I had clothes piled waist-high on my floor. My room was horrid. When
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Avery doesnt clean her room, it upsets me, which is ironic because she is not
half as messy as I was.
We are often critical with our children because in some rather small or large way
they remind us of parts of ourselves that we have not fully embraced. Children
are fascinating individuals. They see the world in a way which is incredibly
unique. When we can choose to move past criticism and step into a place of
collaboration with our children, the relationship becomes magical.
We are often critical with our children because in some rather small or large way
they remind us of parts of ourselves that we have not fully embraced.
In day-to-day life it is easy to focus on just getting things done with our kids
as opposed to savoring each and every moment. Time goes by so quickly. My
beautiful teenage daughter was in diapers not that long ago and I feel as though
the time has slipped by. Our children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews are
only this age once. You can choose to enjoy it or miss out.
In our house we make time for daily gratitude. Every night before the children go
to sleep we say prayers and thank God for specific things in our day. No matter
what is going on in our lives or even if the kids have had some moments we
end our day in appreciation and this is all our kids know. Some of the women
that I have mentored have taken up this practice and have seen an incredible
shift in their kids. Lets face it: as women we want to be appreciated; how will
our children ever appreciate us if we do not teach appreciation as a family?
Lets face it: as women we want to be appreciated; how will our children ever
appreciate us if we do not teach appreciation as a family?
At the end of the day we can master ourselves emotionally and physically, but
we must surrender to the relationship. Our children will be children. They may
write on the walls, pee on the carpet, say things which we feel are inappropriate
or do things which scare us. We may not be able to change the past; however,
we can choose to show up in the present, love them unconditionally and allow
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ourselves to be fully committed to the relationship no matter what form it takes.

It is easy to question our parenting skills; however, that only serves to put more
pressure on your child. If your children are happy, healthy and safe then you
are ahead of much of the worlds population, where the majority of children
live in poverty. At the end of the day it creates far less resistance to accept our
children for who they are, love them as they are and choose to learn from them
as opposed to attempt to teach them everything.
As a Have It All Woman you can choose to enhance your relationships with
your children though the following tips. Take what works in your life. I am by
no means an expert on parenting; I am still learning and having a lot of fun
doing so.
Have It All Tips for Parents

Schedule time to simply be with your children.
Take time for daily family gratitude, or high points. We also do high points
at dinner.
Make time to sit down as a family for dinner as often as possible. One study
illustrated that children who sit down for a family meal 4-5 times a week are
70% less likely to do drugs.
Realize that your kids are kidsembrace them for who they are.
Recognize that we teach our children how to be by our actions and not so
much by our words.
Send little motivational notes in their lunchesour kids love this.
Allow you children to choose activities from time to time.
Instead of criticizing, ask your child if they think their behavior is appropriate
they know the answer.
Restrict Internet and television to one hour a day. There are many predators
on the Internet and it is not necessarily a safe place.
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If you have more than one child, schedule special individual time with each.
Encourage your children to invite their friends over so you can have the
opportunity to see who they are spending time with.
If you co-parent with an ex, make sure you schedule regular communication
sessions. Leave your emotions out of it.
advocate of divorce unless there is abuse or infidelity; however, I am an advocate

for divorced people. You may have people in your life, or even your partner, who
really do deserve to be in your lifeinvest in those relationships and do not be
afraid to let the others go.
Have It All Woman Tips for Creating Have It All Relationships
A Last Thought on Relationships

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best
we can do is breathe and reboot.
Sarah Jessica Parker
In all relationships it is important to remember that people will come and
go from our lives. The friends who saw you through one season may not be
there for the next. As we grow and see the world through new eyes we also see
how some relationships no longer serve us. If we are in a place of aiming to be
positive then the negative people in our lives only serve to reinforce the notion
of who we no longer wish to be.
Remember that meaningful relationships take work.

Create a list of people with whom you would like to develop
more meaningful relationships.
Create a small group of people with whom you can have T.U.A.
Learn to collaborate instead of compete with other women.
Recognize your relationship patterns.
Be the woman you would want to do business with.
Use the Gratitude Process to release toxic people.
Be specific about what you want in your relationships.
Have faith that the ideal relationship is coming.
Do not be afraid to cherry pick your relationships.
I have had to go cherry picking with my own friends. One friend in particular,
someone who had been quite close, was very negative about decisions that
Chris and I had made, particularly when we chose network marketing over our
traditional careers. Without going into details, and although she had been a
good friend, we realized that we no longer had the same goals and values. This
friend is no longer in my life; however, I wish her well and will always care about
her well-being.
If a relationship isnt serving us or is abusive or harmful, then we have to let it
go and move on. Our life is too short to be with people who do not want the
very best for us, although in the realm of marriage and commitment we may
have to work hard to get that relationship to where we want it to be. I am not an
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Chap t e r S ix
Th e H av e I t A l l
W o m a n s Guid e
to Money
A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and
mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life.
- Suze Orman
In your life right now there is money energy and it is either positive or negative.
You are either struggling, or you have financial freedom. I can guarantee you
this: whatever you are presently focusing on you are getting. If you are focusing
on debt and how much money you do not have, then I know you are getting
more of the same. If you are focusing on how to create more money, then I am
sure that money is flowing to you. My mentor also told me that what you focus
on expands. Whatever you direct your energy to will increase. Focus on bills
and get more. Focus on wealth and get more.
Money is critical to achieving anything. There is no glamour in struggle.
Where You Are Right Now is Dictated by Your Past

Everyone can get a little sloppy with cash and its smart to notice. But
whats squeezing you is the big stuff you ladle onto your credit cards.
Money Matters
Jane Bryant, Journalist
It is not uncommon at our seminars to meet women who are heavily in debt.
They pull together the money to attend an event and weep when we get to the
point of creating a clearing around money. The honest truth about money is
that regardless of where you are while reading this book, you are at a starting
pointmuch like it is with your health. The Have It All Woman understands
that no matter where she is, the future can be created to suit her needs.
Money is critical to achieving anything. There is no glamour in struggle. Many of
my multi-millionaire friends are great philanthropists. My family gives a minimum
of ten percent of everything we make. Money absolutely creates change in the
world. Think about it. If there is a need for penicillin in Africa, those funds
must come from somewhere. One of my mentors, a mega-millionaire, said,
Susan, rich people help poor people. Poor people do not help poor people.
No matter how you slice it, money absolutely matters.
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To understand the present, we must look at the past. All of our current money
situations are a result of something we have learned. Financially, we are a
culmination of the habits we have created due to these money lessons. We may
have the habit of spending what we do not have because that is what our parents
did, and now we are in debt. Or, we may be very budget-conscious and, due
to the habit of saving, are in a place of abundance. Either way, our habits are
rooted in our childhood.
Lets start with your upbringing. As children we observe what our parents do
and create our own story around the interpretation. All it takes is witnessing
one argument over money and our perception is changed forever. The point at
which we visit the places in our past where our money story was created, it is to
that degree we can unglue the fabric of our current situation.
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My earliest memories of money started when I was quite young. My parents

divorced when I was three, and leading up to the separation they fought. At
night I would hide under my bed as they yelled and screamed at each other.
Quite often the argument was over money.
On one occasion, when I was about five years old, we had very little in the
house, and I was hungry. My mother was at work, so I took Monopoly money to
the store to try and buy food. I remember the shock and embarrassment when
the clerk laughed. She had no idea that we had nothing at home.
On one particular night, I remember my mother throwing expensive Wedgwood

china at my father and hearing it shatter into many tiny fragments. My mother
loved that china. In breaking it she was hurting no one but herself.
As an adult, my money pattern was to purchase things that made me feel good.
Often these were items that I couldnt afford. I would buy designer sunglasses,
beautiful clothing, handbags and jewelry in an effort to feel wealthy. I would
then live on very little for the following two weeks until the next paycheck. We
now know where this habit came from.
One of my patterns became the destruction of anything that I cherished. When

I got something that was of value I either lost or broke it. Once I learned where
this pattern had emerged from, I could observe the tendency and replace it
with something else. With money, it was no different. Any money I got slipped
through my hands, until I broke the pattern and created a place for money to
flow to.
Once I learned where this pattern had emerged from, I could observe the
tendency and replace it with something else.
My money rollercoaster continued because of another pattern which emerged
from another childhood event. After my parents divorced, the arguments
stopped. My father, who had been frugal, was no longer there to rein in my
mothers spending habits. When payday came my mother would buy me very
expensive stuffed animals and other gifts.
On payday we would go out for dinner. I loved going to restaurants with
my mother. It was our special time. I associated her paycheck with presents
and feasting.
The money inevitably ran out and I can remember the days with nothing in the
fridge. It wasnt uncommon to have hot dogs, canned beans and not much else
in the house while we waited for her to get paid. I have memories of my mother
picking up partially smoked cigarettes off the street to smoke them.
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When I went to live with my dad it was different. I received an allowance, and
my father gave of his time as opposed to buying me things. I was permitted one
new thing per week. Here I learned to earn my money instead of having a sense
of entitlement.
My father ran our family business with his mother. They worked exceptionally
hard. The business was a very popular restaurant. My dad and my grandmother
were focused on production, day and night. This reinforced my work ethic and
also my belief that if you want to make money you have to work hard.
In high school I desperately wanted to fit in. I felt like the ugly duckling. I envied
the girls who had two parents at home. In our small town, divorce was an ugly
word and children were very much ostracized if their parents were not together.
I lived with my father, which only made the situation worse.
Because we owned a business, people thought we were wealthy. I wanted to fit in
and thought that if I had the right clothes it would make up for my lack of the
right family. I worked at three jobs to make money over the summer. In the
day, I worked in a tea room as a server. In the afternoon I would go to another
restaurant and bus tables. On other days I worked at a sports store.
I was so busy all summer that I saved my money. At the end of the summer my
dad took me shopping in Montreal. I bought the latest and greatest brand-name
clothes. I was so excited to wear them in the fall.
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Even though I was dressing like the other kids I still didnt fit in because I had
so little self-confidence. One of the things we teach at the Have It All Womens
weekend is that we inadvertently teach others how to treat us. The other kids
were merely mirroring back to me how I was feeling about myself on the inside.
to slip into my old routine. Honestly, spending for me was like a drug. Many
women and men are addicted to purchasing things they cannot truly afford at
the time. Breaking this pattern and setting yourself financially free is one of the
greatest gifts you can give yourself and your family. The steps are as follows:
My spending habits did not change as a young adult. Much like my mother, I
spent money as soon as I got it. But fortunately, like both of my parents, I was
a hard worker. Basically I would work multiple jobs, earn the money and then
spend it. It was often a long time between paychecks.
1. Read books and attend courses on financial literacy.

2. Interview millionaires and other successful people.
3. Use prosperity-conscious language.
4. Understand the Laws of Money.
5. Have multiple streams of income.
6. Open multiple bank accounts.
7. Find a financial advisor with a proven track record.
8. Create a Have It All attitude.
Even as an entrepreneur, I always maintained multiple streams of income. At some

level I didnt trust myself to survive on a business owners income. I always kept a
steady job on the side. When I started my personal training business, I managed
part-time at a fitness club and taught aerobics at another. When I bought my
health club I taught nutrition at a college. The harder I worked, the more money I
made. The more money I made, the more of it slipped through my hands.
Breaking the Pattern
Within these steps are individual processes. In doing the exercises, I set myself
financially free and became a millionaire, and you can too. Another process we
teach at the Have It All Womens Weekend is to create something from nothing.
It is absolutely amazing.
Lets take a look at the eight steps and how you can apply them to your life.
A good goal is like a strenuous exerciseit makes you stretch

Mary Kay Ash, Entrepreneur
I had many financial ups and downs. At one point, as I have mentioned, I
was financially devastated and had nothing. But there came a time when I
recognized the pattern and understood that unless I changed, everything would
stay the same. One of the things we teach at the Have It All Womens Weekend
is that no matter where you are, you are at a starting point. I made a decision to
break the cycle.
Step One - Read Books and Attend Courses on Financial Literacy

One of the greatest gifts in my life is the R.O.I. that I gained from my books
and courses. Any financial guru will tell you that R.O.I. is everything. It simply
stands for Return On Investment, and is something we teach in depth in our
courses. Until you fully understand it, you can never know which purchases
make sense.
In breaking my work-hard, spend-hard pattern, I identified eight simple key

steps. In following these, my finances began to change. It was challenging not
Everything has an R.O.I. My dad taught me at an early age to not do anything

unless it makes you money. This is pretty sage advice. Ultimately, there are
things we do which do not make us money. All things, however, have an R.O.I.
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Let me explain. If you go to the bookstore and buy a romance novel you will
not likely make much money from reading it. However, if you read the book,
relax and are more productive in your career or business, and your performance
increases, you may get a positive R.O.I.
A long time ago, I gave up television. My friend Jeff Combs, the trainer and
coach, calls it the Automatic Income Reducer. Now, I admit that once a week I
will watch a favorite show. The proviso is that I record or TIVO it and watch it
in my downtime, not my prime production time.
If you go to the bookstore and buy a book like the one you are reading now, and
apply the principles and begin to make more money, you are definitely receiving
a greater return on your investment.
I also download books to my iPod so that I can read while I run. I love
multi-tasking, and any Have It All Woman knows that this is essential to
creating abundance.
Let me share with you a real life example.
I manage to read one to three books every week. You may be asking how I do
that given three children, three companies and the day-to-day demands of life.
The secret is to capitalize your time. For instance, when you are driving in the
car, try listening to an audio book. As I mentioned before, try downloading
books to your iPod. Also, take fifteen minutes to half an hour at night to read.
Additionally, I bring a book with me in my bag. If I am anywhere in line waiting
or even sitting in my dentists office, I am reading. The wealthiest people I know
are also avid readers.
Two of our great Step Into Your Power students, Marcy and Tom Blackwell,
listened to the Goal Getting Mastery CD set from Step Into Your Power
every night for two months. During this time the income from their network
marketing business went from $3,000/month to $6,000/month. Lets take a
look at the R.O.I.
Original investment:
Net increase in income:
R.O.I.
$29.99 for the CD set.

$3,000.00
10,000%/month
Every book you read, every CD you listen to, every course you take must have
an R.O.I. The only way to get a positive R.O.I. is to apply the principles. In this
book I give you specific exercises to assist you in improving your life. If you apply
them, your R.O.I. increases.
My friend and multi-millionaire Jerry Clarke has one of the biggest libraries
I have ever seen. Jerry has about 10,000 books. He was raised in the ghetto
of Oakland, California, and became a self-made millionaire, despite the
odds. Jerry shared with me his secret to reading so much. When he gets
the big nugget he requires from a book, he puts it down and applies what
he has learned. Once hes done that, he moves on to the next book. Your
nugget may come in the first chapter or you may need to get to the end.
Even in writing the Have It All Woman, I understand that you are all busy,
and that is why the key points are highlighted, and everything is written in
bite-sized pieces.
I am constantly buying and reading books. I take courses. I study the people
who are at a higher level of income. I want to know what their habits are. I want
to know what they did to create wealth. I admit I am a financial book junkie.
Hey, not a bad addiction to claim.
Reading will change your life. The greatest financial minds have shared their
secrets with you. A good book is the outpouring of thought from a brilliant
mind. Some of my favorite financial books are listed below. I have read a few of
them more than once.
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Go to your financial advisor and ask for that kind of return. Most financial
planners will promise something slightly above prime, or around 5-6%, if you
are lucky!!!
a. Rich Dad Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki

b. The Richest Man in Babylon, by George C. Clason
c. Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill
d. We Want You to Be Rich, by Robert Kiyosaki and Donald Trump
e. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, by T. Harv Eker
f. Rich Woman, by Kim Kiyosaki
Get Reading!
Go to your local library or bookstore and commit to reading one new book on
financial literacy. Over the next year commit to reading one book every month
and attending at least one course. If you go to the back of this book, you will
find a special offer through www.stepintoyourpower.com.
g. Retire Young, Retire Rich, by Robert Kiyosaki

h. Think Like a Billionaire, by Donald Trump
i. The Bible
j. The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho
l. Psychologically Unemployable, by Jeffrey Combs
Jim Rohn, the noted business philosopher and self-made multi-millionaire, says
that everything you need to know about money can be found in three books.
These are the Bible, Think and Grow Rich and The Richest Man in Babylon.
He also says that no matter how many seminars he gives all over the world, few
people will ever read these three books and therefore will continue to struggle
in their lives. I am a woman who likes a challenge, so the first time I heard Jim
say that at a seminar we were both speaking at, I went out and purchased The
Richest Man in Babylon and read it in a day. I had already read the Bible and
Think and Grow Rich several times.
My coaching clients and those who attend our seminars will tell you that there
are two specific passages in the Bible that sum up financial possibilities. They
are Mark 11:24 and Matthew 7:7.
I was once chastised for speaking about God from the stage. The truth is that I
was raised in a Jewish, Christian, Buddhist household, and that in every known
language on the planet there is a word for God. Whatever your belief, I respect
it. At our seminars we teach that gifts should not be judged by their wrapping.
Some of the best gifts come in unusual packages. Regardless of your beliefs,
understand that these two passages tell us that anything is possible as long as we
have faith and ask for what we want.
My library is constantly growing and our children are also keen readers. One of the
greatest gifts you can give a child is the love of reading. Books are important and
CDs and courses are equally so. When you have the opportunity to connect with
someone who has been there and done that, the experience can be life-changing.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened for
you. Matthew 7:7
It is not uncommon for me to do a seminar and have women in tears, thanking

me for touching their lives. When a woman can dedicate a day, a weekend or one
hour every week for a telecourse, she opens herself up to infinite possibilities.
There is a saying that goes like this: If you are not growing, you are dying.
When I chose to spend the rest of my life pursuing financial, spiritual and
sound philosophical growth, the results all round were phenomenal, and you
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Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive
them, and you will have them. Mark 11:24
can have the same results too. Commit to creating a greater R.O.I. in your life by
attending uplifting events, listening to audio training and reading more books.
Step Two Interview Millionaires and Other Successful People

The sad truth is that the majority of people get their financial advice from those
who are broke. I made a decision to become financially free by interviewing and
observing millionaires and billionaires. When I made that commitment it was
amazing who began to show up in my life. Not only am I a self-made millionaire,
I am blessed to know many millionaires and multi-millionaires personally.
Millionaires are everyday people. They account for an exceptionally small
percentage of society. In 2004 CNN reported that there were 8.2 million U.S.
households with a net worth of over $1 million. At the time, that represented
7% of the population. Their primary residences did not factor in these statistics.
According to this article, the reason the number of U.S. millionaires was on the
rise was due to investing. Millionaires are investors.
The CNN piece also said that the majority of millionaires surveyed have a few
things in common when it comes to investing.
1. Their investment strategy did not change during a bear or down market.
2. They increased their bond holdings at that time to stabilize the portfolio.
3. They also took a wait and see approach to investing.
Another thing we teach at the Have It All Womens Weekend is to respond
and not react. Warren Buffet, the billionaire investor, does not wildly sell off in
response to a downturn in the market. He stays the course, and invests for the
long term.
In my own portfolio, (please note that I am not giving financial advice but rather
encouraging you to work with a financial planner with a proven track record) I
practice diversity by having a mix of fixed-income, mutual funds and stocks. I
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also invest in I.P.O.s, or initial public offerings. The more money you make, the
more opportunity shows up on your door.
In my portfolio, since I am a Have It All Woman, I choose to respond. I do not
sell off everything because of one down day, week or month. I look at the P/E,
or price to earnings ratio of an investment. I look at the company financials. I
also ask myself if there will be a need for what I am investing in, in the future.
Warren Buffet invests in things that have made him one of the wealthiest men
in the world by simply looking at the need for something down the road.
A recent article I read stated that women tend to receive a higher and more
stable rate of return on their portfolios, as they are more conservative investors.
Women tend to hold a larger percentage of fixed-income products, such as
G.I.C.s in Canada and T-Bills in the United States. You will want to consult
your financial advisor about your asset mix.
I was once quite blessed to attend regular financial meetings for a foundation
with assets exceeding $50 million. The majority of the people who sat on the
Board were self-made millionaires with their own investment strategies. The
financial advisor, a self-made multi-millionaire with a proven industry track
record, had garnered a consistent positive return averaging over 14% since the
foundations inception. Although 14% may not be attractive to the aggressive
investor, take note that this average included 9/11. The advisor had 50% in
fixed-income products and was still realizing an impressive rate of return.
For the seasoned investor reading this information, please remember that this
portfolio was that of a foundation that was not willing to take much risk. In a
private equity fund that the advisor ran personally, the rate of return was over
30% with a significant allocation to fixed income.
I do keep about 25% of my own portfolio in fixed-income products and I do have
mutual funds as well. Although these have a higher management fee, my net rate
of return has been over 12%. I also do some trading and look for investments in
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good companies with temporary problems such as cash flow or lawsuits. This is
not a book on investing, so please consult your own advisor and, yes, I do have
some shares in Mr. Buffets company, Berkshire Hathaway.
They own real estate. Most millionaires own investment properties. They know
how to choose the right property. Their properties are to provide additional
streams of residual income.
One of Mr. Buffets investments was Wrigley Chewing Gum. Mr. Buffets
philosophy was that people will still want to chew gum. He is currently
investing in railroads as I write this text. They call him the Oracle of Omaha
for his Midas touch. I have read several books on Mr. Buffets investment
strategies and suggest you do the same. One way to get close to a billionaire is
to read biographies until you are at the point where you can count billionaires
as your mentors.
Millionaires do not accumulate bad debt. Millionaires will buy luxury items
such as cars, clothes, jewelry, and other things when they can afford them.
When I was broke I did know millionaires. Instead of studying them, I envied
them. My own grandmother was a millionaire in her own right. She had rental
properties, a business and a significant portfolio. She affected me greatly in
terms of how I live my life today. I have already shared the money lessons I
learned, and I must say, I have great peace when it comes to financial freedom,
because I had to go through financial ruin to get to this point in my life.
Millionaires have a team. They surround themselves with people who can do the
job better than they can. This frees up their time for production.
The millionaires I know have several things in common. My strategy is that if

you want to be a millionaire, then act like one. That is why I love T. Harv Ekers
book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. It is a great read in terms of getting into
the millionaire mindset. For the Have It All Woman, I will share some things
that the many millionaires I know do:
They are not afraid of good debt. This is debt that is not true debt. It may be the
mortgage on a cash-positive investment property.
Millionaires are constantly bettering themselves. They read, attend courses and
are open to learning.
Most millionaires have a mentor or someone who is at a higher level of income

who gives them advice.
Millionaires respondnot reactto the stock market and other global issues.
You can start to adopt all of these things now. Pay yourself first, do not accumulate
bad debt, start to donate money from your weekly paycheck, get a mentor, read
the books recommended and learn. The only difference between where you are
now and where you want to be is that space between your ears.
They hire financial experts, and comparison-shop. Many of the millionaires I

know have more than one investment advisor.
One of the greatest things you can do to improve your financial literacy is to
interview millionaires. If you are in a situation where you do not know any, then
purchase biographies and read magazines such as Fortune and Forbes, where
millionaires are regularly featured. Your present income level is directly related
to the people you spend the most time with. In any socioeconomic situation
there is only about a 20% variance between the income levels of friends. By
interviewing and surrounding yourself with millionaires, you will soon begin
your own personal evolution.
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They pay themselves first. All millionaires follow the simple principle that you
pay yourself a minimum of 10% first before you do anything.
Millionaires donate to charity. All of the millionaires I know donate to charity,
and some have started their own. When you give you receive. Period!!!
All of the successful people I know are open to being interviewed. They want
to share their secrets. The only difference between you and someone who has
more money than you is that the person with more money thinks differently.
Thoughts lead to actions and actions lead to results. Interviewing successful
people will be truly enlightening.
In many of my courses I challenge participants to interview successful people. It
has helped many women and men get over their fear of talking to people who
they perceive to be at a higher level. Millionaires and billionaires are people
just like everyone else. They want better health, more income, greater financial
security, fun in their lives, fulfilling relationships and to be surrounded by
people they can count on. Sound familiar?
The best person to interview is someone who is in your current or desired
occupation or industry. If you are in network marketing then interview someone
who is at a high level in your company. If you are in law then interview a senior
partner. If you are contemplating switching careers, interview someone who
is successful in your desired field. Lastly, if you are making the jump from
employee to entrepreneur, interview at least three entrepreneurs. This is critical,
as the majority of first-time businesses fail.
I have been interviewed on many occasions. A good interviewer pays close attention
and does their homework. One of the best interviewers I have ever encountered
was Greg Arnold from the Virgin Islands. Greg had done his homework on me and
asked questions that were pertinent. He was aware of my philanthropy and knew
which causes I applied my energy to. Even though the interview was on becoming a
successful entrepreneur, Greg was able to link my two passions, namely, giving and
running. I was very relaxed and gave one of my best interviews to date.
Before you interview your subject, do your homework. People love to talk about
their hobbies, travels, interests, social causes and, in general, things other than
their work. With the internet, it isnt difficult to discover things about a person.
A successful individual will respect you for coming to the interview well prepared.
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Step Number Three - Use Prosperity-Conscious Language

Now that you have interviewed a successful individual, it is time to reflect on
what you learned. How did this person speak? What words did they use? Did they
choose their answers carefully or were they direct? Did you observe something
different about them?
Over the years, the people who I have met who are the most broke have also been
the most negative. The wealthiest people I know tend to be the most positive.
The wealthiest women I know do not think in terms of not being able to afford
or do something. When given a choice, the Have It All Woman chooses both.
Over the years, the people who I have met who are the most broke have also
been the most negative.
I was reading a magazine (yes, I do that to relax) and there were photos of Kimora
Lee Simmonss closet. Kimora Lee is the co-founder of Baby Phat and the exwife of hip hop mogul Russell Simmons. Kimora is clearly a Have It All Woman.
She has two gorgeous daughters, a beautiful son, runs several companies and
donates money and time to charity. She is absolutely stunning. It is also said that
her work ethic is unparalleled.
The magazine article featured an interview with Kimora during which the
interviewer was asking Kimora about her clothing. She was quite open to sharing
that when she finds the perfect shoe, pair of pants or sweater, she will buy them
in multiple colors. Kimora Lee clearly has it all and chooses both as opposed to
one or another.
I found this interesting because so many women will have an either/or
mentality. The Have It All Woman earns her money, invests her money and
allocates money so she can truly choose both.
Being wealthy is fun for an entire host of other reasons. Your choices become
vaster. We cant afford a vacation, becomes, Where do we want to go? Instead
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Action!
Make a list of three of the most successful people you know.
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
Call them and set up a time to interview them. Many successful people are
quite busy so ask for 5-10 minutes, and tell them what it is for. Quite often,
millionaires and billionaires are often left holding the tab. Offer to buy them
lunch or coffeea gesture that will go a long way to establishing good rapport.
3. What are your favorite books?

4. Have you ever lost money and, if so, what did you learn?
5. What are your daily habits?
6. Are there any seminars you recommend?
7. What are your goals?
8. How long did it take you to become financially free?
9. Do you ever get frustrated? If so, what do you do?
10. Do you make an annual business plan?
11. What advice would you give someone in my position?
12. What are your greatest strengths?
My own additional questions:
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
Name Appointment Time
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
Prepare the questions you want to ask the success-minded people. I suggest you
watch some great interviewers such as Anderson Cooper of CNN or Oprah
Winfrey. Observe how they interview and get to the point quickly. Remember,
millionaires and billionaires are often on tight schedules. They are often
Type-A, aggressive personalities, so it is critical you let them know that you are
prepared. Plan each interview knowing that you may only have a small window
of opportunity.
Key points I learned from my interviews:
Here are a few sample questions. You may add some of your own.
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
1. How did you learn about making money?

2. Who were your financial teachers?
Do not go on to the next section until you have completed at least one interview.
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1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
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of This is the only car we can afford, it is now, Which car do we wish to buy
and which of our companies will we run the expense through? The wealthy
have choice. They have freedom of financial expression. Not only do they have
the bank account to prove it, they have the language that goes along with it.
When I had reached rock bottom my language was extremely negative. I agonized
that I couldnt afford things. I thought constantly about debt. I worried about
how long it would be until payday and on and on and on. We often hear that
our outer world reflects our inner world. I am here to share that our outer world
is exactly what we are painting on the canvas of our minds. The thoughts we
think are being manifested right before our eyes.
If we focus on debt we get more. If we focus on wealth we get more. If we
focus on health we are healthy and if we focus on disease prevention we become
diseased. What we think about comes about in vivid reality.
What we think about comes about in vivid reality.
When I learned these principles, I realized that my thinking was the simplest
thing to change. It didnt cost me anything to start thinking differently, and
the rewards were seemingly immediate. I went from making $15,000 a year to
becoming a millionaire in four years just by changing my thinking. When we
change our thoughts, the outer world must catch up and match exactly what we
are focusing on in our mind.
One of the things we teach at the Have It All Womens Weekend is how to
change the way women think. We teach the principles of focus and how to
make decisions based on our life pyramid. When women see the world as one of
possibility and not of struggle or restriction, they literally leave the event looking
ten years younger. All this is not by a specialized facial or anti-aging cream, but
by changing how they think. Incredible!
The time to change how you think is now. The faster you embrace the language
of the wealthy, the faster you will attract new opportunities to your reality. One
of my favorite expressions is, If you think its easy, its easy; if you think its
hard, its hard. Either way you are right. Using affirming language is one of the
most powerful steps in creating wealth.
A quote dating back to about 400 B.C. says, Words are the physicians of a
diseased mind. For thousands of years it has been understood that words are
powerful. Words are the paint on the canvas of our mind. The question for you
is what have you been painting?
On any morning when I do online banking I have a process. Before I conduct
any transfers or pay any bills, I take time to imagine larger balances. I go into the
state of mind of having more money. As I pay my bills I am grateful. The words
and images I used in my mind were powerful.
My friend, Dr. Tony ODonnell, author of the book Miracle Super Foods that
Heal and an individual who makes millions annually, started out as a child in
a family of eleven. He was born to poor Irish parents and earned his own way
to America. Tony says that to become wealthy the biggest asset is faith. How
does faith start? It begins with your words and where you focus. Believing that
something is already so, is more powerful than wishing. Wishing provides a
window of doubt, whereas belief has limitless faith.
Wishing provides a window of doubt, whereas belief has limitless faith.
You can begin to change your language now. You can begin to increase your
faith and belief at this very moment. Do not just try to do thistrain for it.
Imagine that this level of financial power only comes with daily training, much
like preparing for an athletic event. One day may provide immediate results, but
know for sure that repetition is the master of all success.
In your life right now, what are you focused on when it comes to money? Do you
see lack? Do you see debt? Do you focus on what you cant afford?
If you observe great athletes, you understand that many started in childhood
and became successful as adults. It takes years of training to become great. Many
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millionaires and billionaires were once failures. It was through repetition and
mental training that they, too, became successful.
Take some time to answer the following questions:

What are my current beliefs about attracting more money?
Sylvester Stallone, famous for his Rocky role, was turned down many times
when he attempted to sell his script. He persisted, and only accepted an offer
that would give him a percentage of the revenue. He became a millionaire.
Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen were turned away by many publishing
houses for their Chicken Soup for the Soul book. However, due to positive
thinking, belief, and the right language they have sold a record number of books.
Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad Poor Dad, built and lost a Velcro wallet
business. He spent time floundering. When he changed his thinking to creating
wealth as opposed to surviving, his life changed.
Begin now. Change your thinking now. Focus on what is possible. Believe that
wherever you are now is merely a starting point. Listen to your language and
have faith that what you focus on shall be yours.
Lets take a look at some common negative thoughts around money, and their
positive replacements.
- I cant afford that vs. I am in the process of attracting the money to buy that.
- I am broke vs. I am becoming cash-positive.
- I am in debt vs. I am in the process of building my assets.
- Investments are only for the rich vs. I can invest any time I choose.
- I am never going to get ahead vs. I will move forward.
- There is no opportunity for me vs. There are opportunities everywhere.
You can change your mindset by asking some simple questions. When the dark
side of your mind comes forward to tell you what is not possible, remember to
shut that down and focus only on the simple truth that whatever you want in
this life is out there right now. The more you focus on having it, the faster it is
attracted to you.
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What was I taught about rich people at a young age?
What is the story I am telling myself about having my own wealth?
Our language truly reflects our inner beliefs. As we begin to shift our thoughts
and our language, our situation also begins to shift. I encourage you to spend
time daily reinforcing exactly what you want by speaking about it, or at the very
least thinking about it. Lastly, using prosperity-conscious language is a skill that
can be developed. Train that skill every day.
Step Number Four - Understand the Simple Laws of Money

Until I understood the simple laws of money, I stayed in the pattern of living
paycheck to paycheck. There was never enough money left at the end of the
month. I had no savings, and my debt was unmanageable. The creditors were
calling and I got sick.
At the time, I was embarrassed. How could I have let myself get into such a
terrible financial state? I didnt understand my patterns and I had never been
taught the simple laws of money. The truth was that the majority of my income
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was coming from one source. Previously, before the downturn, I always had
multiple streams of income, but at the lowest point I was living on income from
my business which was operating at a loss!
When I became an entrepreneur many people said, Susan, pay yourself first.
These were some of the most successful people I knew, and yet I didnt have the
courage to ask them what that truly meant. I had heard the number ten percent
often; however, I couldnt truly imagine having ten percent to save. I am positive
that many of you understand exactly what I am talking about.
It was at a Jim Rohn seminar that I fully grasped the concept. Mr. Rohn was
speaking on the simple laws of money. He said that they dated back to the Bible
and that the wealthiest people he knew subscribed to these teachings. It was
in that room and in that moment that I clearly understood that principle. Just
three years later I was a millionaire and that is proof that the principles work.
I, too, was once heavily in debt. I thought that I couldnt pay myself first. I was
so wrong. When I started to pay myself first and set aside this ten percent, my
income continued to grow. Start today regardless of the situation you are in. It
may be smalljust a few dollars every weekhowever, one thousand dollars is
made up of one thousand dollar bills, and one hundred thousand is made up
of one hundred thousand dollar bills. The bottom line is to start now and do it
with every source of income you have.
Giving
The Bible also says to give ten percent. This means that for every paycheck you
receive, you should give ten percent away. You may be thinking that you cant
do this one either. However, to fully grasp this you must understand the law of
reciprocity. It simply means that when you give you receive.
The principle of paying yourself first means that when you receive a paycheck or
any kind of income, you will take ten percent and allocate that to savings. You will
never touch the principal and it is never too late to start. That ten percent goes
into a savings account, 401K, RRSP or whatever investment account you have. The
interest and the principal grow and it is always there for you. This ten percent should
have a low degree of risk so that a volatile stock market does not wipe it out.
Ellas Story
I see a lot of women who get seduced into investments and when tragedy such as
9/11 occurs, their entire savings is eliminated. Educate yourself and keep this ten
percent in something conservative. Find an investment vehicle that yields a strong
percentage above inflation and yet has the least degree of risk. You will be thankful.
One day I asked her which part of her life included contribution. She was silent
as she looked into all of the dark corners of her existence. She thought she was
truly contributing in every area of her life, but her giving came with expectation.
If she worked with one of her people, she expected them to produce. If she
helped a stranger she expected something in return. Even with her health it was
all about buying time. Ella would even indulge in ice cream one day and plan to
work out the nextbut tomorrow never came.
What if I am Upside-Down in Debt?

If you have a great deal of debt you must still pay yourself first. Regardless of
debt, we age, have illness, have tragedy and all sorts of other life events. It is more
expensive not to pay yourself first, believe me, I have learned from experience.
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I was working with a woman who was a professional network marketer. Ella was
in a place where her income was stuck, and she was blocked in all other areas
of her life. Her health was poor, her finances were a mess, people were not
returning her phone calls and her leaders were not producing. Every time we got
on the phone she complained about her life. It was all about Ella.
I suggested that Ella start making her life about something more than herself. I
encouraged her to sponsor a child through World Vision (www.worldvision.ca
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in Canada or www.worldvision.com in the U.S.). The sponsor amount was only

about $40/month and that covered vaccinations, clean water, food and education.
I have personally been to World Vision development program locations and know
firsthand the work that goes into assisting one child. $40/month is a bargain.
Ella and I went on the website together. She chose the first child to pop up
on her screen, a boy from Thailand. Ella pulled out her credit card and took
the plunge. She was fearful. Ella had never really committed to anything in
her life.
The first thing to happen was that Ella felt joy. She then cried because of the impact.
She showed her family and friends her newly sponsored child. She felt peaceful.
Find a charity or church that resonates with you spiritually. My husband and
I donate to numerous causes, but our criteria for donating are that the charity
must be improving the lives of women and children. Chris and I have funded two
schools in Africa, supported a trauma centre in Cambodia and also sponsored,
at the time of writing this book, 20 children through World Vision.
Winston Churchill said, We earn a living by what we do. We make a life by
what we give. Ask yourself how you want to be viewed in one year. Two years?
Three years? At the end of your life? My grandmother was a great philanthropist.
She gave to many causes that were near to her heart. Even though she has since
passed, she is still known as a great lady in her community.
The best thing happened a few weeks later. Ellas income doubled and
she became a six-figure earner. Ella had learned the fundamental law of
reciprocity. When you give, you eventually receive, but only if you expect
nothing in return.
You do not have to give a lot of money to make an impact. For instance, the
charity Child Help USA can fund one life-saving phone call with only $5.00.
Donate your unused clothes to a womens shelter. Buy baby food for your local
Food Bank. There are so many things you can do to make a massive impact.
Begin today.
Start Tithing Now
Becoming Cash-Positive
You may be thinking, I am in debt; I cant afford to give anything. That is

not true. I hear a lot of people say that they will start contributing when they
become rich. They never become rich. Start now.
Keep on asking and it will be given to you; keep on seeking and you will
find; keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.
You may start with something like sponsoring a child or contributing to your
church, synagogue or mosque. The donation may seem like very little to you.
However, if you can give and expect nothing in return, the abundance will
eventually flow.
Charitable donations are usually tax-deductible up to a certain percentage.
Consult your accountant or national government website to see which percentage
applies to you. Not all charities are registered, so if you intend to utilize a tax
receipt, make sure the charity is indeed registered nationally.
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- Matthew 7:7 AMP

So many women say that their number-one goal is to get out of debt. Bob Proctor
says, To get out of debt or get in, if your focus is on debt you will get more of it.
Your focus should never be to get out of debt; the focus should be on becoming
cash-positive.
Cash-positive simply means that your total assets are greater than your liabilities.
You can never truly be financially free until this happens. Of course, the bottom
line on the cash-positive quotient is simply a reflection of your net worth.
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If you own a home and have a mortgage, then take your estimated sale price less
legal fees and commissions and deduct your mortgage. This is the approximate
net worth of your home. The housing market fluctuates and I would caution
you against making your home your only asset. For many people this is the case,
which does not create a secure financial position.
It is important to know your C.P.Q., or your Cash Positive Quotient. This
number does not include monthly expenses. It is simply the where you are at
right now number. If you are a couple, then do this with your partner. This
number has provided a great benchmark for many women with whom I have
worked, so lets get started.
(fill out worksheet to right)
Now that you have your C.P.Q., it is either positive or negative. Wherever you
are right now, this is your starting point. The goal is to get you to neutral and
then to positive. The wealthiest people in the world owe money. However, it is
often business-related, and they maintain a positive C.P.Q.
Even as I am writing this my C.P.Q. is going up. I have multiple streams of
income that pay me every day. Make sure you set up a debt repayment plan
and contribute at least ten percent to releasing debt. Use cash for purchases
and, if necessary, freeze your credit cards until you are responsible enough to
use them wisely.
If your total debt payments amount to more than ten percent of your income,
you need to create a clearing. First and foremost, it means that you spent on
items you could not afford. I have a rule: If I cannot pay for it, I do not buy it. In
the future, all new purchases should come out of your living expenses.
Knowing Your C.P.Q.

List All of Your Assets and their Estimated Value
Cash
Securities
Pension Plan
Life Insurance Policy
Estimated Sale Price of Home Less Commissions, etc.
Land
Real Estate Other than Primary Residence
Net Worth of Car
Jewelry
Art
Other
Total ____________________
List All of Your Liabilities
Credit Card Debt
Mortgage
Line of Credit
Misc. Debt
Total ____________________
Deduct your Liabilities from your Assets_________________ C.P.Q.
There are great programs that allow you to consolidate your debt. This way you
can make one payment every month to reduce the overall debt. Most credit card
companies would rather receive regular small payments than no payments at all.
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Please speak to a credit advisor to get your debt in line.

Debt is a great cause of stress in this country and across the globe. A survey in USA
Today found that approximately 50% of American divorces could be prevented by
an extra $500/month income. Even the wealthy have money challenges if they do
not allocate their income accordingly. Many fortunes have been lost by investors
who bet their entire savings on the next big thing in the market.
is the greatest investment you can make. The more you grow, the more ability
you develop to create change.
Take a look at what you can afford to do. Even if you are on a strict budget,
get a library card and start working on yourself today. You do not have to
spend a great deal of money to advance yourself, but you will have to invest
the time.
The ultimate peace is to become one hundred percent cash-positive, and spend
only what you have, not what you will be making in the future. Debt is a noose
around your neck. It is worth it to look for ways to create more income for yourself,
so you can release debt forever, even if it means extra effort in the short term.
All of the millionaires and multi-millionaires I know invest in themselves. They

are constantly reading, attending seminars and looking for ways to improve.
Being stuck is a choice more than a state. You are only stuck if you are not
investing in your future.
Credit Cards
Invest in Assets
On a personal note, I have only two credit cards. One is for personal use and the
other for business. I do not believe in having individual store credit cards. These
are seductive and give a person a false sense of security.
Take another ten percent and invest in assets that will appreciate in value. These
could be stocks, your mortgage or even additional investment properties. No
matter what level your income is or what state you are in financially, allocate
another ten percent to investing in long-term assets. This will help shape your
financial future.
Whatever credit card you use, make sure you accumulate something in return.
For Chris and me, we use a card which gives us airline miles. We can then
take fabulous trips that we could not write off for tax purposes. For personal
expenses I use a credit card which I must pay off monthly. It is an American
Express and, no, they did not ask me to endorse them.
I love the Amex card because you cannot carry a balance. If you are a big spender
with a small paycheck, I encourage you to use a card that you must pay off. It
creates a greater awareness of debt responsibility.
Live on Fifty-Five Percent

If you save ten percent, tithe ten percent, use ten percent to release debt, reinvest five percent into yourself and take ten percent and invest it in long-term
assets such as your home, you will be left with fifty-five percent to live on.
At our seminars I encourage people to invest in themselves. You may decide to

take five to ten percent and invest in seminars, books, courses and programs
designed for personal growth or developing new skill sets. Investing in yourself
This fifty-five percent is divided among your day-to-day expenses such as groceries,
transportation, phone, computer, etc. If you own a home-based business, then
you will be able to write off some of these expenses and that deduction can be
exceptional at tax time. If you are living on fifty-five percent and following the
simple money rules and not incurring new debt, eventually you will be cashpositive and in a place of true financial freedom.
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Investing in Yourself
Step Five - Have Multiple Streams of Income

Since I was a teen, I have always had multiple streams of income. In high school
I worked at three jobs so I could make extra money for college. In the day I
worked at a tea room, in the afternoon I sold clothing, and in the evening I
bussed tables at a restaurant. Three part-time paychecks earned me a full-time
income over the summers.
When I went to university, I taught fitness classes and preschool camps.
This provided me with multiple streams of income although it was employee
income. After university, I worked for the government and the schedule was
often midnights, so the only other thing I could do to make extra income was
teach fitness.
My dad always said that as long as you have skills you will be fine. He encouraged
me to become a certified fitness instructor, personal trainer, nutritional consultant
and much more. He also taught me how to drive a stick shift because he explained
that both tractors and race cars require manual transmission.
When I owned my health club I also worked as a personal trainer on the side
and taught at a local college. To this day, I love checks. They are sublime. I
no longer teach fitness or do personal training. However, I do have multiple
streams of income from multiple businesses, investments and contracts.
The road to financial stability and truly understanding how useful multiple
streams of income were, came with many lessons. When I lost my health club I
still had my skills, and was able to walk into a management position with what
was then the worlds largest health club chain. As always, I did personal training
and nutritional counseling on the side. I thought I was being smart by having all
of these other sources of income, but I did become exhausted and got quite ill.
a business owner, but the majority of my income was from the employee
quadrant. That meant that someone else was dictating how much money I was
worth. Additionally, none of it was passive income, which meant that I had to
work for every penny of it. If I didnt work, I didnt get paid.
Many professionals are in this boat. Chiropractors, lawyers, accountants,
physicians, therapists and many others only get paid when they work with a
patient or client. If they are in a partnership they will get paid when they do not
work. But it takes years to build a reputation as a professional, and the price to
buy into a partnership is often so high that it takes years to pay it off. To become
a professional requires years and years of education that is often accompanied
by student loans in the hundreds of thousands.
Dont get me wrong, I love professionals and I am married to one. I had originally
gone to university with the intention of becoming a medical doctor. God had
other plans for me, although I may yet go back to school for fun at some point
to get another degree.
There are passive streams of income that have work on the front end and residual
income on the back end. People who write or record hit songs, authors, investors
and many others receive royalties, dividends and income. They could be on
vacation or sleeping when it happens. The likelihood of my performing a charttopping song wasnt very great. To write a best-selling book required experience
in the area I wanted to write about. My investment ability was contingent on
initial capital and so that left only a few options. Fortunately, I found one of
the best.
It was thanks to a great mentor that I first read Rich Dad Poor Dad, by Robert
Kiyosaki. I was absolutely stunned by the simplicity of the message. I was already
Thanks to Robert Kiyosaki, I also became passionate about network marketing.

I attempted several companies until I struck gold and became a millionaire
with one of them. Network marketing is one of the best business models in the
world. It allows the business owner a small start-up compared to a franchise or
organically growing a business, and people learn more about themselves here
than any other place.
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Network marketing also encourages personal empowerment. The most positive,

open people I know are also network marketers. The industry has also received
some bad press, but with investors such as Warren Buffet, and accolades from
Donald Trump, T. Harv Eker and others, the network marketing industry is
reporting record growth. It also creates more millionaires, to my knowledge,
than any other industry in the world.
There are many good network marketing companies out there. With most you
can get started with an investment of under $2,000. Compare this to a franchise
or starting your own business, and the investment is indeed quite small. To be
classified as legitimate, a product must exchange hands. Make sure that your
initial start-up fee includes more than a training manual.
These days most companies provide the distributor or member with their own
replicated website. E-commerce is here to stay. Many more people are purchasing
products and services online. Network marketing is a great way to learn about
e-commerce because instead of you using your own money, it is the company
that invests hundreds of thousands to millions developing their website so that
you can realize benefits. My book Inspired to Win in MLM discusses the features
to look for in a solid network marketing company.
Multiple Streams of Income

Make a List of Potential Multiple Streams of Income
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
What do you intend to start right now?
What research do you have to do?
The Wealthy Have Multiple Income Streams

The wealthiest people in the world have several streams of income. Many invest
in companies and real estate. Others have written books, and have personal
portfolios and even work income. There are many wealthy female CEOs out
there, though not enough, in my mind.
Who can assist you?
My grandmother had multiple streams of income and taught me a great deal

about having financial freedom. She owned rental properties, ran her own
business, and she had investments. I remember my grandmother teaching me
how to read a portfolio review and what to look for.
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You can start building additional streams of income today. You can start a
savings account with even $20.00/month and at the end of the year you can put
that money into a larger investment. Obviously you want to invest more than
that. Getting started, however, is the hardest part.
You can get a certificate for a new skill such as book keeping or personal training.
You can do this part-time, and make a significant amount of additional income.
While this income may not be passive it will assist you to become cash-positive
and build additional multiple income streams, including a portfolio.
Portfolio income is just one of the possible streams. As I mentioned before,
you may elect to do a network marketing business or run a small business
from your home. If you are an executive with little time, ask your financial
advisor about other potential streams such as rental income and other
investments. When you have multiple streams of income you are not relying
on just one source.
institutions will let you have multiple bank accounts for free if only one is a
checking account.
The first account is your primary one. This is where the day-to-day expenses
come from. You may have a check draft account or debit account. This is your
fifty-five percent account and is the one which is used the most.
The second account is savings. This is where your ten percent goes. It may stay
in cash, although that would not be as prudent with such low interest on most
savings accounts. Ideally you will leave some in cash and the rest you will invest.
It is a good idea to set up a regular contribution to a 401K, or RRSP if you are
Canadian. This way money is automatically deducted from your account and
goes straight into your investment account.
The next account may be allocated for debt payment. Take ten percent and put
it into this account every time you get paid. At the end of the month you can
make your debt payments from this money.
My husband and I have many streams of income. We are just getting started. We
own two companies, produce books and CDs, have individual portfolios and
are paid public speakers. At the writing of this book we are also looking at other
investment vehicles for more streams. I have gone from being heavily in debt to
being cash-positive with multiple streams. If I can do it, you can do it.
If you wish to do a fourth account you can put your tithing money here. At
the end of the month you can make your donation and feel really good about
what you are supporting. I donate online using my credit card so I simply move
money from my tithing account to my credit card after I make the donation.
Step Number Six - Open Multiple Bank Accounts
I also have a kids account, which I put money into every week. This money
goes towards their education in addition to their education savings plans. As
I am self-employed, I also have a tax account where I allocate money weekly
towards my income tax.
Now you may be saying, Susan, this is bordering on the ridiculous. I cant
afford to pay my mortgage and you want me to open up multiple accounts? The
answer is absolutely yes.
With the arrival of internet banking it has never been easier to open multiple
bank accounts. Personally, I have more than five. You may want to start with
just two or three. In order to get your financial head on straight, it is key that
you know where your money is going and what it is allocated to. Good financial
It is never too early to have multiple bank accounts. If you have more week at
the end of the money, then it is because you do not know where your money
is going and you do not have multiple streams. If you are on social assistance,
not working or staying at home, then open the accounts and get ahead. Take a
course, get on a new path and become the master of your life. You can make a
huge impact and be a role model to millions.
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Step Number Seven - Find a Financial Advisor with a Proven Track Record
After my financial reversals when I was making $15,000/year, I had a $250,000/
year attitude. I knew that I would be a six-figure earner again. I was in a position
that was temporary and although I didnt know how it was going to change I
knew it was going to change.
The first thing I did was establish some multiple streams of income. I started in
network marketing, again. I saw nutrition clients on the side and was able to get
to an income of $40,000/year within a short period of time.
I was at a womens networking group one day when I met my advisor Kathy.
Kathy and I really connected. I went to see her the next day. At that time I could
only invest $50/week. I shared with Kathy that I would be growing that amount.
I shared with her my plan and my dreams.
recommendations. Over the years we have had a lot of fun and as Kathy
knows, I am just getting started.
If your financial advisor isnt serving you, do not hesitate to find someone new.
This is your money and your future. Your advisor is essentially your business
partner so find someone you trust, and get to work. Every wealthy person has a
team, and your advisor is a big part of that.
Before you go see an advisor, figure out your annual income, your current
debt, your retirement goal date and how much you intend to live on. Your advisor can then assist you in creating a strategy that works.
Step Number Eight - Create a Have It All Attitude
Kathy believed in me and I became her client. That relationship still exists to
this day. We now have more fun investing, and looking at different strategies. I
also stayed with her because she believed in me.
The Have It All Woman has a have it all attitude when it comes to money. She
doesnt say that she cannot afford something, and she doesnt spend out of
her comfort zone. When it comes to savings, becoming cash-positive and leading
an abundant life, she wants it all and doesnt hesitate to create a team of people
who support her goals.
A few days before I met Kathy, I had another experience. I went to see an advisor
who informed me that I didnt make enough money to deal with her, nor was I
likely to. I felt saddened, not for me but for this woman because I knew where
I was headed.
The Have It All Woman has multiple streams of income. This may come in the
form of investments, a part-time job, real estate, network marketing or some
other source. She does not question why; instead she asks the question how
to find out exactly how to get what she wants.
Every one of us deserves to partner with an advisor who believes in us. Interview
advisors and ask them for referrals. If you are an entrepreneur, work with an
advisor who works with other self-employed people. If you are single you may
want to partner with someone who specializes in single-family incomes.
The Have It All Woman does not value herself by what she wears or what she
drives; she values her self-worth by what she does to make an impact. The Have
It All Woman is truly free because she is in the process of creating her destiny.
There are many financial advisors out there, so partner with someone
who is accredited and knows what they are doing. I meet with Kathy twice
every year, once at the beginning, and once halfway through to review goals
and strategize. I bring my own research to the table and Kathy makes her
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The Have It All attitude is about living now. It is about deciding right now that
you are the master of your finances and taking responsibility for your life. No
one is going to save you, and winning the lottery is very unlikely. You can be
your own lottery and move forward.
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The evidence is compelling that women all over the world are living rags-toriches stories and not marrying into them. You can create something from
nothing because no matter what happens no one can take away your heart, your
skills or your dreams. The Have It All Woman knows that she is in charge of her
life and the only person who can stop her from getting what she wants is that
person in the mirror.
Have It All Tips for Money

Use prosperity-conscious language.
Pay yourself first.
Recognize that wherever you are, it is a starting point.
Get a good financial advisor.
Set up a debt-repayment system.
Understand the R.O.I. principle.
Create multiple streams of income.
Give without expectation.
Recognize that you are the master of your destiny.
Chap t e r S e v e n
Th e H av e I t A l l Guid e
T o Cr e a t i n g a n
Ex t ra o rdi n ary Lif e
Ive realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub
anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to
be happy. When I get logical and I dont trust my instinctsthats
when I get in trouble.
Angelina Jolie - Actor and Humanitarian
Ordinary Versus Extraordinary

The average American woman is 54 tall and weighs 140 pounds. She has
children, and works. The average woman also has dreams and goals, yet lacks
the self-esteem to follow through. The average American is also in debt and
living paycheck to paycheck. Basically the average person leads an ordinary life.
To me, all women are beautiful; the challenge is that most do not see it. God
has made us with different shapes, sizes, colors, personalities and attitudes. For
some women being curvy is sexy. For others being pin-thin is ideal. To me,
regardless of shape and size the thing that sets apart a Have It All Woman from
an ordinary woman is that she doesnt want to be like anyone else. The Have
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It All Woman is content to simply be herself and do what makes her happy, as
long as it doesnt negatively affect anyone else.
When I was growing up, ordinary seemed all right with me. I longed to live in
a home with two parents, have cookies and milk after school, go on one family
vacation every year, and have a backyard to play in. All I wanted as a child was
to be like everyone else. It didnt take me very long to realize that I wasnt like
everyone else. I was different.
When I was in school, the other kids were extremely curious about my life.
They assumed that because we (my dad and grandmother) owned a Chinese
restaurant that we were both rich and spoke Chinese. Neither of these was
true. My grandmother was wealthy and my dad worked for her when he left
engineering. We lived above the restaurant, and even though I heard Chinese
being spoken and went to Chinese school on Sunday, I did not speak it.
Growing up, I was also teased because of the color of my skin. One day I was
chased home by a group of kids yelling and calling me nigger. I cried my
eyes out, because first and foremost, I didnt even know what that word meant.
When the kids were educatedmost likely by their parentsthey instead
chased me home saying, chinky, chinky, Chinaman and me Chinese, me
care, me go pee-pee underwear. As I write this, I am reminded that I do not
have any current friends from my early grade school days.
In grade seven, I lost some weight and grew a couple of inches. I was then about
130 pounds and 57. My braces also came off and boys started to take notice.
It was at this time that my stepmother, Anne, left, and my world turned upsidedown. Anne had married my dad and they were happy. She was a health fanatic,
fitness teacher, entrepreneur and drop-dead gorgeous.
Anne and I didnt truly get along, though she brought a semblance of normality
to my life. She took me back-to-school-shopping, ensured we had family dinners,
made sure I took care of my skin and my health, and did many of the things
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mothers are supposed to do. When my dad married Anne, people let their kids
come over to play because it wasnt as weird as it had been when it was just me
and my dad.
I ended up being a lot like Anne. I went into personal training, fitness
instruction, nutrition and network marketing just like she had. Anne had also
owned a fitness facility, something which I later did as well. Anne went into law
enforcement and so did I. Anne was one of my early models for the Have It All
Woman. When she left, my heart broke and I felt that I had driven her away.
I gained some weight back in grade eight and then lost it in grade nine when I
joined both the cross-country and basketball teams. I was running twice every
day and getting fairly good at it. I had a boyfriend and had gone from being
ethnic to exotic. I actually felt comfortable in high school.
My favorite movie then was Wall Street with Michael Douglas and Charlie
Sheen. In the movie Michael Douglas plays an intense stock broker with Charlie
Sheen as his protg. I used to watch that movie every week and dream of being
a multi-millionaire entrepreneur. My friends wanted to be doctors and teachers.
Somehow I knew I was different; I just didnt have the same dreams.
In grade ten I experienced public humiliation when a boy accused me of stealing
beer he had left out in a field. First and foremost, I had not taken it. Secondly,
it was devastating because people talked about me and how we chinks were so
cheap that we would have to steal things.
Within a week of this happening, my friend, Trevor, who had also been the first
boy I ever kissed, died in the park across the street from our school. He and some
friends had been sniffing cooking spray to get high and Trevor asphyxiated. He
was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital.
Trevors death affected me profoundly. He had been sweet, sincere and had a
beautiful soul. I remember my very first kiss with him. It felt so glorious in a way
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that only your first real kiss can. I still go to visit his grave and oddly enough
Trevors date of birth, June 7th, is also my husbands.
Within a week of Trevors death one of my favorite cousins, Martin, also died. He
was only nineteen. How he died is a private family matter and all I will say is that
it was tragic, painful and devastating. Martin had been one of these guys with no
fear. Whether he was windsurfing in South America or cliff diving in Hong Kong,
he did everything with such ease. He was a bright light in our family.
After that I moved to the East Coast to live with my mother. I gained weight
again and took up a lifestyle of partying. Being too smart for my own good, I
graduated high school when I was sixteen. At this time I was already living on
my own.
Being Chinese means that university is not an option, it is an expectation. I
ended up going to a small East Coast school and working towards a science
degree. The only reason I went to that school was to be with a boya boy who
would later verbally abuse me and tell me that I was stupid.
I remember hiding in the closet one nightthe closet had always been a place
of safety from earliest childhoodand thinking, Is this my life? Is this what I
deserve? What will happen if nothing changes? I made a decision to get out of
the relationship.
Have you ever been in a relationship that was more like a dance? It wasnt so
much about the things that were being said but about those things that were not
being said. My boyfriend had gained over sixty pounds while we were together. I
had packed on close to the same. The day the scale read 194 I knew that I was in
trouble. My quest for an ordinary life had unraveled again. Just because I lived
with someone who was blonde, blue-eyed, came from a good home and was
educated, didnt make me normal.
competed. There was his relationship with his ex, and there was another type
of dance where we both checked out of the relationship like prize fighters going
back to their corners. While training for a fitness competition my weight went
back to my ideal of 132 pounds. I felt amazing.
After the competition I knew something was wrong with my marriage. We also
got pregnant. The pattern continued. Whenever I reached that perfect weight,
abandonment happened. It was only this morning, while writing this text that
the pattern became clear. For my entire life I longed to be ordinary. Whenever
I lost weight and looked like the other girls I knew, someone would leave me,
either physically or emotionally. I started to see a pattern which led me to arrive
at certain conclusions.
What I realized was that none of those situations had anything to do with me.
Of course, I was a part of them but not necessarily the cause. I was armed only
with the skills and knowledge I had at that time in my life, and nothing more.
In my quest to be so ordinary, I had attracted extraordinary events.
Several years ago I gave up wanting to be ordinary. I am who I am. I have olive
skin and brown eyes. I speak a bit of French and Spanish. I love to travel, write,
read, and I am passionate about business and finance. I love meeting people
who are open. I do not judge and have let go of judgment. I love fashion, art,
and inner beauty. I love to exercisejust for me. I love spending time with my
kids, and I adore my amazing husband Chris. I am a student and I am a teacher.
I have done things in the past that I regretted. They are now badges of honor,
because I have grown from them and the experiences have made me who I am:
a better person. I have lived a full life, but in another sense I am just getting
started. This is who I am, an extraordinary Have It All Woman.
When I got the courage to leave, I met the man whom I would marry. For
the first time things seemed normal. They were anything but. We constantly
You do not have to be ordinary. You can choose to celebrate who you are: hips,
lips, cheekbones, skin color, likes, dislikes, experiences and all of the things that
make you unique. You do not have to conform or live up to someone elses idea
of ordinary. Just go ahead and be extraordinary. Life is absolutely miraculous
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and you can be an agent of change. Think of all of the women and girls you can
empower just by loving who you are right now, and letting go of trying to be like
everyone else.
Who Is The Have It All Woman?

by Crystal Andrus
woman, mother, lover, daughter, sister, author,
international television and radio personality
The Have it All Woman embraces the essence of the word allmeaning whole and
complete. It is a state of being, not doing.
Are You Having Fun?

Children reinvent your world for you.
The Have it All Woman knows that she already possesses all that she needs.
Susan Sarandon, Actor
It may seem absolutely crazy to be writing a guide to having fun. What I can tell
you from firsthand experience, though, is that many women around the world
are not taking time to play and be silly. Children know how to have fun. This
is how they learn and grow. This is also how they relax. For adults, fun tends to
come last on the priority list after a trip to the dentist. If you could have more
fun in your life, how would it feel?
To step into anything requires the courage to change and also the ability to
commit to the process. To commit to anything requires a certain degree of
reward. Would you stay on a diet if it didnt work? Would you go to your job if
you didnt get paid? Would you hang out with a friend if they were constantly
negative? No!! So why would you commit to becoming the best you can be
without a reward? You wouldnt.
The Have it All Woman keeps her priorities aligned with her values, focusing daily on
what lights her up and brings her joy and purpose, while circumventing the distractions
that inevitably rob her of her power, vision and energy.
The Have it All Woman willingly accepts that her outer world is a mirror of her inner
world, and she uses it to reflect on what she must transcend within herself.
The Have it All Woman lives her truth, even when no one else gets it.
The Have it All Woman resonates with courage, willingness, faith, trust, acceptance
and love.
The Have it All Woman exudes a gentle strength and humble confidence.
The Have it All Woman innately understands that in order to have it all she must be
willing to surrender it all.
The Have it All Woman doesnt try, she simply is . . .
To me one of the best rewards is having fun. I mean good, old-fashioned, laughtil-you-want-to-pee-your-pants fun. As I travel around the world I have noticed
many women getting so serious that the fun quotient is missing from their lives.
Being a true Have It All Woman means to be able to play, laugh and have fun.
Every year I revise the Step Into Your Power goal planner, which is available free on
our website www.stepintoyourpower.com. It has over 13 pages of goal planning for
every area of your life. The most amusing thing that happens when I am coaching
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a client who has filled out the planner, is that when it comes to having fun, they
have no idea what to write down. Those lines usually remain blank.
Fun is perhaps a lost art in the twenty-first century. Somehow we have become
so serious that stress and disease are at an all-time record high. Laughter and
play is such wonderful medicine that there are stories of people recovering
from horrible diseases because they choose to focus not on the disease, but on
laughing and having fun.
When we laugh, smile and play it releases endorphins. It creates a natural high.
No wonder children play all the time. They are addicted. As we grow up and
have to work, pay bills and deal with the challenges of adulthood, we lose our
sense of playfulness. Losing that part of yourself, or perhaps never discovering,
can lead to a life lacking in fulfillment. The time is now to start having fun.
What do you do for fun? Do you like to hang with the girls? Do you like to
ski, take a class, watch a movie, go for a pedicure, check out the museum, read
a trashy novel, have a bubble bath while perusing a gossip magazine, or get
romantic with your partner? What does having fun mean to you? Could you do
more of it? If so, what would your life look like?
Before you unpack that auditory filter, let me share that having fun does not
need to cost money or be time-consuming. You can go rake a pile of leaves and
jump in them, or go to the beach and build a sandcastle. There are many ways
and many definitions of fun. The best way to find it is to go and play.
Fun!
Write out ten things that you like to do for fun.
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
6. _ ___________________________________________________________
7. _ ___________________________________________________________
8. _ ___________________________________________________________
9. _ ___________________________________________________________
10.____________________________________________________________

Go into your planner or PDA and schedule at least one thing per week for the
next eight weeks. Observe how this lights up your life.
For me, I have an addiction and it is www.perezhilton.com. Yes, I loves me some

Perez. When I am finished a conference call, or have shut down for the night,
I go onto Perez Hilton to laugh at his blogs. As a Have It All Woman I do not
need to justify myself but I do thank Tisha, my sister-in-law, for turning me onto
it. I also like a bubble bath with People magazine, or playing Lego with my kids.
In my T.U.A. group there are code phrases that can bring us to tears of laughter
in a heartbeat. After I got sick, I made a decision to have more fun and laugh
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every day. It continues to be true that laughter is the best medicine anyone could
ever have.
The Extraordinary Art of Self-Care

God heard us. He sent help. He sent you.
Marianne Williamson, Author, Activist
Becoming a true Have It All Woman takes discipline and letting go of anyone
elses notion of balance. To truly build the life of your dreams may require a
little help, a lot of focus and getting rid of anything that does not serve you.
When you can see how everything you do affects other people, including those
you love the most, it is easy to understand why self-care is an art more so than
a science.
As women, we have hormones, cycles of life and a host of things that affect
our ability to truly recognize when we need help. Help may come in the form
of a part-time assistant, occasional babysitter, housekeeper, financial advisor,
therapist, aesthetician and whoever else can make your life easier. Women are
great givers, but when it comes to receiving we often fail the test. This is why
many women burn themselves out trying to care for everyone else, and care for
themselves only when things get desperate.
To truly care for yourself means to honor your inner child and know that when
you are cranky you need sleep, when you are sad you need your good girlfriends
to cheer you up, when the housework is piling up you need someone to assist
you, when your body aches you need a massage and when you feel blue and it is
not tied to your hormonal cycle, then you may need other types of help.
As a Have It All Woman, I have help. I have someone who comes to clean, I have
two one part-time and two full-time assistants, I have the best massage therapist in the
world, I have a financial advisor, an accountant, a lawyer, my aesthetician, my amazing
hairdresser, a computer tech, several mentors, and of course my T.U.A. girlfriends.
Every Have It All Woman needs a support team in her quest for self-care. Would
you rather do your own laundry or play with your kids? No matter where you are
financially, you can create more, and when you get it the first thing you should
do is fire yourself from any tasks that do not serve you!!! Trust me: it is a lot
easier to relax in a bubble bath at night knowing that my house is clean.
Sharons Story
Finding Balance with a Career, Four Children, a Husband Who Happens
to Be a Busy Doctor, and a Quest for Self
When you care for yourself it is magical. You can do anything. You can inspire
people. You can be a better mother, partner, lover, friend, daughter, sister or any
other role you take on. Self-care strengthens our integrity and sense of purpose.
When Susan asked me to do a page for her about balance and how I have
managed to achieve it in my life, I must admit that it seemed like a fairly
daunting task. It required that I take a good look at my life and assess whether
I had really achieved balance. So, thats what I did. I am a realtor who produces
enough business to be ranked in the top 5% for my company, in the country,
consistently, every year since I began my real estate career. I have four children:
13, 10, and 7-year-old twins. I am married to a medical doctor who has a very
busy schedule as he not only has a full medical practice, but also has a second
full-time position heading a specialized team at a local hospital.
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Being a true Have It All Woman means to care for yourself lovingly and openly.
Recognize when you need help. Look for signs that you need assistance, such as
being overwhelmed, fatigue, binge eating, drinking too much alcohol, lack of sleep,
weight gain and anything that causes you to feel out of alignment in your body.
All four of my children are active in sports, with my oldest participating in

travelling team sports. Sounds impossible, doesnt it? Well, first let me confess
that we have a live-in housekeeper who does all of the cleaning, cooking and
laundry from Monday to Friday. No supermom here. This was the first difficult
decision that we made on our journey to finding balance in our lives. It was
not easy adjusting to the idea of another person living in our house but the
work that she does is the work that we hate doing. It makes us miserable after a
long day at work to come home and clean, do laundry and try to come up with
something nutritious for the family to eat. We would be short-tempered with
the children if they left their school bags in the hall, didnt make their beds, etc.
Now, dont get me wrong, the children are still expected to do all of these things
and more. The housekeeper is for the adults. When we come home we know
that the house is clean, and there is a nutritious meal cooking for us to eat
together as a family, at 6pm. Thats right: the six of us eat together as a family
almost every night, with the exception of Tuesday when swim lessons interfere.
We do not answer the telephone, pagers, cell phones, Blackberries or anything
else during dinner. The children set and clear the table. This was the first level
of balance for our family Being a FAMILY.
Next, I needed to find balance in myself. For years I had enjoyed life in ways that
were lots of fun but not necessarily positive. Excess is Best was my motto. I had
A LOT of fun! I drank too much, ate what I wanted, stayed up late consistently
and generally behaved like I was immortal. As my business increased along with
the demands on my time, something had to give, so guess what I chose? Exercise!
It was getting harder and harder to get up early enough in the morning to fit it
in (I wasnt getting any younger!), so it fell by the wayside. And so went my life
for the next few years. I gained 20 pounds, slept badly, felt exhausted and unwell
most days, my face looked tired and bloated, I frequently suffered from headaches
and for the first time in my life started to get the occasional migraine headache.
But here is the kicker: I started to experience peri-menopausal symptoms (night
sweats, the occasional hair that sprouted on my chin (ugh!), and thanks to the
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lack of exercise you can imagine what happened to my aging butt and boobs (and
belly if Im being completely honest).
So, there I was. I had the family sorted but I was so far off the mark that I
couldnt see it. So what great event changed my life? I have no idea. One day I
just decided enough was enough. It was time for a change. There were things
that I had enjoyed doing that I never had time to do anymore, because when I
wasnt working I was too tired from my detrimental lifestyle to do anything else,
so I just stopped. Its that simple. NO ITS NOT!!! Its damn hard!! Theres
nothing simple about it! So when you are ready to find balance in your life you
may as well know now that it requires commitment from you, support from
your family (remember, they are used to you the way that you are, they may not
like all of the changes that come about), and patience. You need to be patient
with yourself because you are probably going to fall off the proverbial Balance
Wagon on occasion and that is OK, just get back on.
First, I started exercising again. I started shifting my night-owl status to morning
person, slowly. I used to crawl out of bed at 8am so I started with 7:30am and
a walk. Gradually, I increased my level of exercise and kept shifting the alarm
back, until now, I get up at 4:40am, exercise for an hour (I have a treadmill and
elliptical in the basement and Law and Order is on the Mystery channel at
5am!), and Im in the office by 7:30am.
Second, I cut out drinking (mostly). I still have wine at a dinner party, and I
meet a group of girlfriends on Friday afternoons for a glass, but other than that,
no alcohol. I go to bed early every night (at the same time as the children), which
is necessary if I am going to heed the 4:40 alarm. I have also changed my eating
habits from pizza, wings, anything I wanted, to low-fat, high-nutrition choices.
What is the result? I have lost the 20 pounds, I no longer suffer from night
sweats (although I still get the occasional rogue hair on my chin!), I havent had
a migraine since I quit my life of excess, and rarely get any headaches. I am far
more productive at work because I am there before anyone else in the morning
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so I get more done without distraction, and I am fully THERE, not half-awake.
The result of my increased productivity is that I have a lot more free time to
enjoy the things that I had lost the time to do. I am producing a lot more work
in a lot less time, so I am finally working SMART.
So, have I achieved balance in my life? For now. I dont think balance is a
stagnant state; have you ever tried to balance on one leg or on an exercise ball
for an extended period of time? Everything is great until something throws you
off, or you sneeze, or flinch; then you need to find that state of balance again.
That is why I think that you have to be kind to yourself. It is a journey. You know
when you are doing your best, and you know when you arent. As long as you are
doing your best to get back to that state of balance when life makes you sneeze.
Just pat yourself on the back and keep going.
The Fun of Reinventing Yourself

Im undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.
Hillary Clinton
My friend, and hairdresser, once counseled me never to get my hair cut when
I was angry, hormonal, going through a major life change, or postpartum. His
wisdom was right on the money, but despite his words I found myself cutting
off ten inches of hair on my birthday this year. I wanted something new and
different. Naturally, I regretted it the day after, although for one day, with my
new slick bob, I felt like a different person.
My reinventions have been many over the years. I have been lean, curvy, longhaired, red-haired, highlighted, dressed all in black, dressed in color, soft-spoken,
kick-ass and everything else under the sun. Every reinvention is an evolution
of my self. Next on my list is to hire a stylist. That will be fun.
As women we can get into a rut. We keep the same makeup, clothing, hair,
friends, interests and habits for years. Have you ever seen one of those television
shows where they make someone over and it totally changes them? Often the
person resists the change and I tend to wonder how long they will actually stay
made over. If you are stepping into your power as a Have It All Woman then
it may be time to reinvent you.
Reinventions can be subtle. You may change your hair, your makeup, how
you dress, your outlook, your interests and even your dreams. Reinventions
can also be more significant, such as getting married, having a child, getting
divorced or moving. The truth is that every major junction in our lives
provides us with the opportunity to step out as new incarnations of our
former selves.
At the Have It All Womans Weekend there is a session where women are given
the opportunity to dress up. They assume new personas for about an hour. It
is a lot of fun. We have women in their sixties who come in very conservative
clothing, completely vamping it up and having the best time. Reinvention
doesnt have to be scary, as long as you stay true to yourself and do not pretend
to be someone you arent.
Oprah Winfrey is a prime example of a woman who constantly reinvents herself.
Oprah stays true to her heart while changing her hairstyle, look and her interests.
Oprah does not waver from her belief in justice and equality. That is what allows
her to be a chameleon while maintaining her integrity.
As you read this book and look at new ways of doing things, do you find yourself
shifting? Are you beginning to look at the world and your fellow women in a
different light? If so, this is a perfect time to reinvent who you are and who you
are becoming. Life is too short to stay exactly the same forever. In fact, as I write
this I am growing my hair again for my next look.
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Reinvent
What are some simple ways that I can reinvent myself? Is it a look, hairstyle,
clothing, makeup or even an attitude that I can put on and make my own?
Sues Reinvention Story

Sue Lebruns Journey to Becoming A Have It All Woman
Attending the Have It All Women (HIAW) weekend was a pivotal time for me
because I realized clearly the changes I needed to make to improve my leadership
abilities, so that I could attract the right leaders into my growing team. This
was one of the best self-improvement training weekends I have ever attended,
because I came away with a clear vision and plan that are still having positive
effects. This is truly exciting to me!
People continually tell me, You are different, what have you done? I am different!
I work every day at how not to work like an island, but more like a continent
that encourages others to grow and duplicate how to be part of a team while
starting a new business for themselves. I am already noticing that I am attracting
into my organization new leaders who share this same philosophy. This shows
me I received great value for my investment. I am the leader who people want
to be around! And oh! Did I mention how much fun I had? This was a working
weekend, but you could have fooled me; women everywhere need to experience
the HIAW weekend at least once in their lives! I am a Have It All woman!
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Shannons Story Shannon Doran-Fisher Discusses Trading Time for Dollars and Earning
More Dollars in Less Time
Have you ever thought that you were worth so much more? Yet struggled with
the how do I create more wealth?
Well I have been pondering this for years. I have always had leadership attitude
in my life, for if I wanted to be successful it was going to be up to me to create
my financial independence. After all, I am an independent woman. At age 19
I became self-employed as a Reflexologist and then at 20 I became a Registered
Massage Therapist and opened my first practice. Thinking that I knew it all, I
really enjoyed the benefits of being my own boss. Seeing that both of my parents
were self-employed I never wanted anyone to dictate what I was worth. However,
all I really did was create a job for myself. I loved the education I received in college
to become a health professional. However I felt as if I was skipping down the
street on my butt as I graduated. I had all the skills in the world to massage, yet
zero ability to drive clientele into my practice. I understood very fast that I needed
to network and create interest in the skills I hadeasier said than done.
Just recently I read E-Myth Revisited, by Michael E. Gerber, I laughed, for it
completely resonated with me. I had gone to school and became a technician of
my industry. The manager and entrepreneur were somewhat ther;, however, I
had no formal education.
I was consistently trading time for money and even though I was charging $65
per hour it still wasnt enough, for there are only so many massages you can do in
one day. The stressors of being the technician almost sent me into bankruptcy
in 2002. Intuition led me to go on tour with the band The Cranberries that
same year. Unfortunately, the year ended with me going into a complete state
of desperation.
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Early the next year something shifted and I realized that it was up to me to create
my life and my day. No pity parties, just victory...plain and simple. The victories
I have had werent always viewed positively for the lessons have been very tiring.
However, I now realize that committing to playing at 100% and playing BIG
wasnt going to be easy or fast. I am thankful though that my mother taught me
to always trust my intuition for it has NEVER led me astray. As Oprah always
says, Your gut is your inner compass.
Thankfully, I stumbled on network marketing a few years ago. I enjoyed the
concept, yet I never became passionate about the product. I am grateful for
learning the principles of business seeing that was one of the areas I was lacking.
Creating networks, working smarter than harder, multiple streams of income
and personal development all added to my knowledge, allowing me to become
stronger and more passionate. I didnt apply it to the maximum though, and so
went back to what I truly knewmassaging and trading time for money again.
I have always had a sixth sense that one day I would find my place in the world
and be a huge contributor to others around me. Just 2 years ago, another
opportunity fell into my lap. I was open, but not sure what I was looking for. I
would always come home after a hard days work with tons of different ideas to
create more income, yet I didnt have the money to invest in the ideas I had. A
client of mine was always trying to assist me in finding ways to save my hands so
that I could stay in my profession and not burn out.
This NEW opportunity has blessed my life and I truly believe that it has been a
process. I had to learn the lessons to prepare me for what is currently occurring.
I started to learn a new industry. I am passionate about the product and it
comes complete with the entire infrastructure that I didnt have to create. I can
just be the best me and it works. I just recently revised my vision and purpose
in life, which is to allow others to live in light and play big in their lives, for we
are all worth it. It has allowed me to step into my power as a woman, and believe
in the dreams that I have and to go for it with all my might.
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Why not? I deserve it, because if not this, then what? If not me, then who?? I
made a decision to create a life that I deserve and trust my gut in every decision.
Now I am currently living a life that I only dreamed about: I am now in my
thirties, married to my soulmate and have three young children. I am blessed
that I have figured this out, and have had the guts to do so. For I know that I
am going to co-create tens of thousands of inspirational, passionate men and
women who will serve the world for the greatest good. This is what allows me
to sleep at night. I embrace my lessons and encourage change for it is the only
constant in life.
The Fun of Giving Back

Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe
in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.
Princess Diana of Wales
When I walked into the trauma center in Cambodia my heart leapt out of my
chest. There was a four-year-old girl holding a teddy bear. I asked one of the staff
why she was there and he said two terrible words: raped repeatedly. I knew in
that moment I would work for these girls. That is why a portion of the sales of this
book are going to World Vision, the organization overseeing the trauma center
where girls who have been sold into brothels, raped and assaulted, can come to
find shelter, medical and psychological counseling, therapy, education and the
community of other girls who have experienced similar trauma and atrocities.
Having money makes it easier to give, though I started giving when I didnt have a
lot. After reading numerous financial and spiritual books I understood that tithing
was important. I made a decision to donate what I could until ten percent became
a realistic number. My first contribution started with a small monthly donation
to Amnesty International, an organization that fights for people who have been
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the victims of human rights abuses. Next I began to give to the food bank, the
Salvation Army and other organizations working with women and children.
I also gave to my church. We built a school in Africa. We have contributed to the
United Nations High Commission on Refugees, and many others. Essentially,
Chris and I are passionate to help women and children around the world.
Chris and I sponsor twenty children through World Vision. At only about
$45 a month per child, this brings us joy. We love getting letters and progress
reports. We also love sending letters. When I was in Cambodia I visited two
area development projects and I can tell you from firsthand experience that
sponsorship makes a huge difference in the lives of these kids. They get medical
care, vaccinations, clean water and food, and they get to go to school.
We have all of their photos hung up in a room just off the kitchen in our home.
If I am feeling a little sad or tired I look at those faces and become instantly
inspired. How can I afford one down day if I can save a life?
Giving has also provided us with an awesome opportunity to travel. Yes, we love
a good luxury hotel now and again, though going into the field and hearing
stories where we know we can make a difference is truly life-changing. As I am
writing this we have plans to take Avery on a mission trip next year. What an
amazing experience.
Contributing money is only one form of service. You can give of your time or
expertise. There are many charities looking for volunteers. Create a life where
you are defined by the contribution you make in the world.
Contribution is something you do with your heart and not your head. When
we give it does come back to us, especially when we expect nothing in return.
The Have It All Woman is a contributor. She can make a huge impact in her
community and in the world. On your journey start giving now, even if it seems
really small. That gift which has little meaning to you can be huge to someone else.
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One Blanket - A Journey of a Thousand Miles

by P.K. Smith
It is my privilege to serve a small village called Hanoke in the tiny country of
Malawi. My wife Sandy and I discovered this very needy village three years ago.
Since then through the generous partnerships with great people like Chris and
Susan we have been making this starving village sustainable and very soon it will
even be prosperous.
One of the things we bring on every trip is blankets. The elevation at Hanoke
is 3700 feet and that means that in their winter it can get close to freezing at
night. Small children huddle under woven plastic bags which previously held
bulk corn. So each year the people of Brockville donate blankets for this village.
One particular donation stands out in my memory. The gentlemans name is
Cecil and he is 83 years young. After speaking at his church Cecil came forward
with this heavy woolen blanket. This blanket was different though; this blanket
had a story. Cecil served his country in World War II. When the fighting finally
ended and Cecils notice to return home was delivered, he decided he should
bring his young bride home a gift from Europe for their new home together.
Cecil chose a beige woolen blanket. He thought it would make a great
housewarming gift for his wife. Well Cecils wife did not agree. She loved his
intention but not his choice of woolen blankets. It was far too coarse for her
tender sensibilities so it never once rested on the bed. But because it was a gift
from Europe it was never discarded, but rather was placed in a storage chest at
the end of their bed.
Well, there it stayed for the next 60 years. Yes thats right, 60 years. When Cecil
heard of the need for blankets in Malawi he knew the perfect home for his
247
blanket had been found. He donated the blanket and offered the story of the
gifted blanket as an extra bonus.
The day we were handing out blankets was crazy in our little village of Hanoke.
Families desperate for anything that might assist them in surviving one more
winter lined up in the heat of summer to receive their gifted blanket from
Canada. In the midst of chaos a very old woman was brought to my attention.
The average life expectancy in this country is the late thirties for both men and
women, and this dear grandmother was in her sixties.
Through an interpreter she asked me directly if there was a blanket to spare for
an old woman who had no children to care for or keep her warm. I immediately
thought of my friend Cecil and the 60-year-old blanket. I dug it out of the pile
and personally gave the blanket to this dear old grandmother. The blanket had
found its reason for being. It had found its home.
Gratitude
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no
more hurt, only more love.
Mother Teresa
In all of our courses we teach the simple act of gratitude. When someone is
grateful for where they are right now in their life, it is amazing how the abundance
flows to them. Gratitude doesnt take very much time. However, the results can
be astounding when you commit to the process.
A few years ago I asked my mentor the secret to her success. She was a multimillionaire, cancer survivor and a real Have It All Woman. She told me that
every day she wrote at least ten things she was grateful for. She said that when
she started to list the gratitude items daily, her life became extraordinary. I
embraced this process and it changed my life too.
I think of all the resources that we enjoy in our First World communities
and I wonder the same thing. When will some of our resources find their
destiny? When will our time, our tithe, or our talents find the place they
were destined to be dispensed long before the creation of all that is? When
will we understand that we are merely stewards of this wealth and not the
exclusive owners?
As we begin to truly stand in a place of gratitude our view of the world shifts.
It is as though we were living in black and white and are suddenly seeing color
for the first time. Initially it may be challenging and you might be grateful just
for the eyes to read this book or the ears to listen to the audio. Whatever the
case, being grateful for what you have leads to more abundance and fulfillment
in all areas.
If you are determined to find the proper home for all that you are destined to
share with others, please consider our work in Hanoke, Malawi. If you are moved
to do so please contact us at Youth Unlimited impactmalawi@gmail.com.
Begin today. Notice everything around you that you are thankful for. Maybe it is
a roof over your head. Maybe it is food to eat. Perhaps it is your child. Gratitude
has unlimited possibilities.
Some of you should give and some of you should go and some of you should
do both! But none of you should miss the opportunity to see the smile of a
Malawian woman of sixty when she knows she will never have to suffer a cold
winter as long as she remains on this earth.
As you grow with this exercise, get specific. At this moment in time, I am grateful
to all of the new Have It All Women who will make a huge impact in the world. I
am grateful to all of you for committing to read this book. I am also very grateful
for all of the lives I touch and will touch in the future.
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Being Thankful
Get started today and write down ten items of gratitude.
1. _ ___________________________________________________________
Conclusion
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in
which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we
think we cannot.
Eleanor Roosevelt
2. _ ___________________________________________________________
3. _ ___________________________________________________________
4. _ ___________________________________________________________
5. _ ___________________________________________________________
6. _ ___________________________________________________________
7. _ ___________________________________________________________
8. _ ___________________________________________________________
9. _ ___________________________________________________________
10.____________________________________________________________
A wonderful friend, and Have It All Womens Weekend graduate, Terry Probst
likes to say,The climb may be hard but the view is amazing. As you journey from
where you are to the next level, take time to enjoy every victory from the seemingly
small to those that we perceive as significant. There may be moments or even days,
where your transformation seems tough and it is much more seductive to remain
complacent; remember that you are not alone, it happens to us all.
Our lives are on purpose. We have the ability to positively impact our families,
our community, our country and our world. When we live into our life pyramid
and ultimately are able to operate from a place of abundance and fulfillment we
become closer to living into our destiny. You are magnificent beyond measure
and I wish you every joy, every peace, every fulfillment that life has to offer. Go
for your dreams with passion and enthusiasmyou deserve to Have It All.
Have It All Woman Tips for Living an Extraordinary Life

Let go of ordinarymove to extraordinary.
Celebrate who you are.
Make time to play and have fun.
Master the art of self-care.
Develop a support team.
Choose to reinvent yourself.
Start contributing now.
Make time every day to stand in gratitude.
Always remember that you can Have It All.
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Audio Programs From Susan Sly

www.stepintoyourpower.com
The Power to Be Rich Now 3-CD Set

Susan unlocks the secrets of millionaires and takes you through the simple steps
of transformation required to attract more money into your life.
Step Into Your Power 8-CD Set

Learn how to unleash your inner power. We all have greatness within and often
that greatness is untapped. This is a great CD series for anyone working in the
sales profession looking for a personal breakthrough.
Susan Slys Marketing Bootcamp 8-CD Set

How do you master the basics of selling to create million-dollar results? The
answer is simpleget Marketing Bootcamp today. In these 8 CDs Susan takes
you through the fundamentals of selling, from creating your own mission
statement to how to posture for the close. This is also a great gift for anyone
in real estate, direct sales, insurance, mortgage brokering, high-end retail and
network marketing.
Goal Getting Mastery 2-CD Set

Learn the five simple steps to getting everything you want in your life. Take
these easy-to-do actions and transform them into the life of your dreams.
Create abundance with ease as Susan Sly takes you through a fifteen-minute
visualization on the second CD.
Order Today Toll-Free at 1-866-890-0807
The Have It All Womens Weekend

Do you want to take your life to the next level? Would you like to learn how
to attract everything you want and in the process become the best you can be?
Attending the Have It All Womens Weekend can be your ticket to a lifetime of
personal power.
Over the course of 3 days you will stretch and grow like never before. Our
students come back and create results in their lives that are unparalleled. We
have even received thank-you notes from husbands and partners in gratitude for
the woman that returns.
Go to www.stepintoyourpower.com to find out when the next womens weekend
will be held.
For a limited timewith the purchase of the Have It All Woman book, you can
get your ticket to the Have It All Womans Weekend for only $797 - the regular
price is $2000. Go to www.stepintoyourpower.com today and type in the ISBN
number on this book or call 1-866-890-0807 today. Spaces fill up very quickly.
You deserve to have it all.
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Wha t W o m e n S ay
A b o u t Th e H av e I t
All Womens Weekend
Dear Susan,
Just a little note to say THANK you for the outstanding, life-changing experience! I am
so over the moon with excitement and energy. My life will never be the same and for that
I am extremely grateful.
Betty Halman-Plumley, Personal Endorsements for Susan Sly
The Have It All Womens Weekend was the best personal development weekend I have
ever attended (and I have been to many). Some of the exercises we did really took me out
of my comfort zone, which was great as I now know that I can do anything I set my mind
to doing. I discovered that it is more fun to play at 100% then to just sit back and let
things happen.
I came away from that weekend eager to take my business to the next level. The relationship
that I developed with 3 of our talented team leaders is priceless and for that I am very grateful.
Susan Sly is an amazing women and I look forward to the next Have It all Womens Weekend.
Christina Murray, Entrepreneur
After attending the Have it All Womens Weekend I realized how the importance of
creating and embracing a schedule could help me achieve true balance and happiness
in my life. Now that I am able to make better decisions based on my values and the
parameters I set for myself, family and business it has created less anxiety, stress and
greater balance in my life.
My life began to shift the moment I met Susan. Little did I know I was about to embark on
the most beautiful journey of my life! Susan immediately recognized the protective shield
I had created for myself that was ultimately holding me back from infinite possibility and
greatness. She knew exactly what I needed to do, step by step, to change the patterns I
had let myself get too comfortable with that were sabotaging my happiness and success.
She has guided me safely, with the utmost compassion and strength, to a place I only
dreamed of. Susan has helped turn my dreams into reality and most importantly, brought
great awareness to the power I hold within myself. Susan has a gift like no other.
Since working with Susan, my relationships are incredible and life just seems easier! Shes
helped me to enjoy and love everything I am and because of this, great things are starting
to happen. Susan provides such comfort and knowledge in guiding you through exercises
that get you to feel, think and then move forward into action.
I will be forever grateful to Susan for believing in my greatness and guiding me personally,
spiritually and professionally to achieve everything I ever wanted.
Susan is a special gift given to us all!
Irina Bobrow, Actor
Alissa Boris, Entrepreneur
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Inside every woman lies not only the desire, but the power to manifest her dreams
and desires. Susan is able to share her insight and wisdom through her own personal
experiences. She provides you with the tools you require to tap into that power with you.
You deserve to have it all and Susan is the woman to show you how.
Erica Combs, Author, Speaker, Entrepreneur
The HIAW weekend course began the unraveling of ME. It ignited a process of discovering
my deeper values, the waking of my fun and creative side, the ability to have balance in
life and definitely more! Im experiencing happiness and success that I have not had.
What is extraordinary is the belief and passion Susan has for each woman, individually.
She empowers all of us in a FUN supportive environment that you will never forget!
Ada Vander Meer
I always knew there was more for me in life...but I didnt have a clue how to access it.
I also had personal doubts over my abilities and worthiness. Attending the HIAW and
HIAW advanced events opened my eyes, head and heart to who I am. I acquired skills,
laughed harder than I have in years, cried, healed, was challenged and made connections
that will last for many years.
I believe every woman deserves this experience.
Teresa Van Hoesen
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