My Final Letter

From Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Posted May 10, 2005
May 8, 2005
Dear Maharajas, Prabhus and Disciples
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
This is the final letter that I will be sending out. Our movement is like a young adult. There are many
things that everyone experiences, individuals as well as institutions, that are part of the maturation
process. As we grow, we also have to deal with growth pains. Often after these growth pains we
experience the greatest benefits from our struggles, just like a mother who is pregnant and who is
bringing forth children. Each time before she gives birth she has to deal with almost unbearable
challenges.
So we as an institution have experienced so many birth pains and challenges, especially each time
there is opportunity for major acceleration. Sometimes some of these tests institutionally and
individually have heavily bewildered us, seriously wounded us, and unfortunately, sometimes
temporarily destroyed us. But we all know that there cannot be serious growth and advancement
without austerity. Prabhupada explains in the Bhagavatam that an easy life and Krishna
consciousness go ill together.
We all have our own battle of Kuruksetra that we have to deal with. In any battlefield situation one
can be victorious or one can be a failure. However, even when one is a failure, it can be used to come
back stronger at a later time. In a battlefield situation one is in the most dangerous environment,
where the most gruesome as well as the most noble things take place, but with good association the
individual has more guarantee to be successful.
We have been offered the very best strategy and association by our wonderful acaryas, so really if
we become failures it is ultimately our own fault. If we keep in good association even our temporary
defeats will remind us but not define us. From these setbacks we should individually as well as
collectively become stronger and hopefully wiser and more unified.
It is important to remind ourselves that at the end of the day, all we really have is each other.
Ultimately, a genuine family is eager to see how to help each other. The family members share in the
defeats, and they share in the successes, especially since devotees are para dukha dukhi.
So many of us have been pioneers. Pioneers naturally make sacrifices for future generations, but
ultimately they establish the foundation. The special mercy for all that we did is in our spiritual bank
accounts. I have personally noticed that many devotees build up their spiritual investments, and
when it is almost time for them to benefit from their credits, i.e. to receive empowerment and to
accelerate by leaps and bounds in their consciousness, Maya finds a way to trick them so that they
become unaware or unable to benefit from what is available at the right time.

These kinds of tests bring a person to tremendous crossroads. At a crossroad we can take the path
of successmore profound selfless devotion, offering oneself more intensely than ever before to
Guru and to Krishnaor we can choose the path of selfishness, with all kinds of subtle attachments
that will lead to downfall.

My realization is that without sufficient humility and high quality association many people will take
the path of temporary failure. It seems that several of the recent serious falldowns in big places are
connected with four major factors: aparadhas, a lack of humility, a lack of quality association, and a
lack of understanding of some of the dynamics of advancement (some of the great "dark night of the
soul" challenges). As more of us raise the quality of our own consciousness, this will lead to
consistent manifestations of deeper purity and we will have a greater impact on the environment.
Just as Maya is contagious, authentic Bhakti is contagious.
I have made many mistakes in my devotional career, especially in the area of being more sensitive to
devotees' needs. I feel I was given a special service in Srila Prabhupadas mission to help the
devotees to look closer at how to rise above anartha nivrtti. A lot of my focus in preaching was to
care for and to help the devotees as best as I could, especially to help them to recognize their
stagnations while they simultaneously develop the faith and technologies of how to be less and less
distracted.
I also feel that I was given a few special privileges and lots of help in addressing a small part of Srila
Prabhupadas mission on how to solve material problems with spiritual solutions. This required a
certain style of presentation. It wasnt so much that I sacrificed developing external sadhu qualities,
but I think it had more to do with some of the ways I needed to function to go in like a needle and
come out like an elephant.
After all, it was these kinds of servicescreative sankirtana that constantly got me Srila
Prabhupadas favor when he was on the planet. This was one of the reasons I chose to leave my
body in the West, on the battlefield.
Another reason was that I realized if a few more of the senior leaders left their bodies where there
are major projects, this would play a significant role in helping to develop and secure those projects,
what to speak of reminding ourselves that so much of Srila Prabhupadas success was in establishing
holy dhamas all around the world.
The important thing, in my humble opinion, is that the scriptural injunction states that one should
always desire to live in the holy dhamas and one should leave one's body in a holy dhama. We
understand that yes, it is physical, but more important, it is a state of consciousness. We should
never minimize the sacredness and the benefit of leaving our bodies in the holy dhama. So many
wonderful special helpers are there in the holy dhamas to assist one with one's transition. By the
mercy of Srila Prabhupada all kinds of help for the devotee is arranged.
I have shared with many of you that one of my greatest realizations is that even when we think we
are doing our best it is still so insignificant, or that by the mercy of Krishna, Srila Prabhupada, and
their many helpers, they will maintain what we have and supply big-time what we are lacking.
By the mercy of all of you, there are indications that I may be on my way back to the spiritual world
in perhaps one or two weeks and I may also be able to continue to have some influence here to

assist the mission.

I want to offer my apologies to all of you that I have offended, especially because of my often radical
and unorthodox nature. I want to thank you so much for helping my life to be successful by allowing
me in my own small way to offer myself up in sacrifice, somewhat in the mood of Vasudeva Datta, to
try to be the servant of the servant.
Only by your constant prayers and the constant forcing of Srila Prabhupada in keeping me somewhat
focused was I able to pass the final test. So I leave with you my funny mantra with its different
variations: "We are all spiritual warriors, who are blessed by the best, and we have a duty to reach
out more to help each other to pass the test."
In order to successfully deal with the pains of maturation, the birth pains, and our own battle of
Kuruksetra, all of us really need more of each other's protection, and that protection manifests more
profoundly in how we allow ourselves to be conduits for Krishnas and Srila Prabhupadas mercy.
This experience of leaving the body is frightening and scary at times, full of surprises, pain, and
inconveniences, but I also understand that so much of my suffering is just a token due to Srila
Prabhupadas mercy. When I look at all the people that Srila Prabhupada used me to assist in various
ways, all of the inconveniences and suffering are surely worth it. So I will now go ahead and join
some of those who have already left and help them in making arrangements for so many of you.
Isnt this powerful, global, interplanetary family that we have so wonderful?
Last, let me say to my biological family, I want to thank all of you for allowing me to take birth in
your family so I could hide out a little bit and do the special work that I was sent here to do in
connection with previous lifetimes.
There should not be so much ambiguity after my departure, as many things have been spoken or
written down, for example, how my disciples and well-wishers should continue with various projects.
Later there will be a posting of who to contact when one sends in one's application for a health grant.
The grants will be in gifts of one thousand to three thousand dollars for each legitimate request as
long as the money is available. This amount is insignificant, but it is just a token from me in an effort
to use money that was sent from around the world to cover the cost of my health expenses.
It is one way that I want to bring more attention to the fact that it is not just the leaders who should
receive so much support but that each dedicated sadhu should be able to look forward to various
support systems kicking in for him or her more and more in the future. When we think more about
others welfare, Krishna will hear our prayers. He will help us to find more and better ways to do our
part in serving our own communities as well as serving the world.
We are not salvationists. We do not want to just give assistance and love only to those of our same
faith. We dont want to be that pseudo-spiritualist who just wants to facilitate his or her own kind.
We want to be active agents for global consciousness-raising.
I love you all and will find even more ways to show it after I leave this body.
Yours in Srila Prabhupadas service,
With love,

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

PS. I want to thank all the wonderful doctors, nurses, health practitioners, and other caretakers who
assisted me so nicely throughout my sickness. Although you may not have been able to cure me of
the disease, you surely healed me with your expert care and love.
dipika.org May 10, 2005

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