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principle waking into neutrality

(spirited dialogues)

dedicated to the devil within me

EveryBody that was, is and will be

Q: The identity of the speaker? Ikas soul, some spirit or the Source?
A: It doesnt matter, even if it was Lucifer, it would be only in agreement with the
communicated concepts. This book should transfer neutrality from shamanism
and anchor it into the main spiritual awareness.

A: Disclaimer: Ika has not seen the Yeti and asked the spirit of Yeti never to show
itself to her.

Transcribed by Ika from a set of five notebooks (other than numbering of the
notebooks, the pages are not in order, or more precisely, Ika has written various
streams of thoughts in various parts of the notebooks as she continued her

Q: I cant try to remember what was first, second etc.


Attributes are just that attributes
Try this exercise:

See a person
Choose a noun
Mother mentally strip off all the adjectives that come with it in your mind

A noun is a substance- is.

Try approaching your mother as if she was stripped off all your defining

See her as a noun that is.

The men in my vision represent EVIL (as I used to see it).
After re-grown from the heart, I run toward the evil and embrace one man one
of the crowd as good/bad as any other. He is without face=without attributes.
Love him as a NOUN without attributes.

I can hold/embrace/kiss the substance/essence without attributes.

My own life story is following the outward rule of right and wrong. Perceiving
and having those judgments caused all the pain of the past.

Letting go of being dedicated to Jesus, not preferring Light is just pulling down
another layer of own (unfinished)

Christian rules are not compatible with the concept of multiple incarnations.
If not only physical families but also certain roles are chosen by the soul in the
current incarnation, then the incarnate is again to be loved for carrying this
(sitting in the train and looking at 21:21, thinking of how I woke up 22:22, will
run out by 23:23 I guess)
Love your fathers alcoholism. What??
For him carrying this heavy condition and showing it doesnt lead to inner joy or
towards growth.

Transcribed on the train from notes taken in TC (tissue culture)

Men are evil.
Held by evil.
Kissed by evil.

When your heart is truly open, you can love the evil. There is no love without
loving evil.
You must love everything.
When you love everything, you hate nothing and that is the vibration.

Q: I dont want to impress the shaman.

A: Why not? Impress him and he will impress you and you will impress on each
other the possibilities of creation (universe)

Q: Why do I love Jesus so much?
A: He is easy to love = the Loving principle.

Q: How other healers work? That dont love everything.
A: They do clear and remove lower vibrations (while not loving them)

Q: Why do we/seekers then access different type of knowledge?
A: It is not about accessing different kind of knowledge, its about how much
conditioning is still left in you (how many layers you un-peel).

Q: So the shamans are the most advanced un-peelers?
A: Loving principle shaman or no shaman.

Q: But you said that for me this is just the beginning.
A: Yes, you need to not just UNDERSTAND LOVING PRINCIPLE, but hold it in
your heart and LIVE IT.
When you will be able to hold the same love for a person/thing of opposing
qualities then those qualities SAINT/EVIL will also cease to exist.
Look at what IS.

Q: Why do I need help?
A: Everyone/thing is helping everyone/thing (else) to become in the process of

Q: I dont want to talk with the guy/shaman. I dont want to talk horizontally, just
vertically with the Source.
A: There is no way how a point in the middle of everything/one (and everything
and everyone is that point, the center of the universe) will choose to be more
connected in one direction only that too is an illusion.

Once you accept yours and everything/ones darkest and lightest side
You can be in the middle
Becoming a loving principle
Loving everything that is

A: SPIRITS announce/introduce themselves to you in accordance to your

remaining core beliefs. The helper spirits of a shaman are not from light or dark.

Meditation/daily practice:

1) before
2) after

I wish my boss was more supportive of I love my boss and his decisive control
that makes me strive for and value
I wish I had loving company at most of I love solitude that makes me
the time
appreciate both space and also other
I wish I wasnt feeling cold and in pain I love cold and pain, as they lead me to
inquire and heal

Not words, but keeping the same vibration coming out of the heart for opposing

Q: Even if everything is interconnected and I have experienced the ONENESS on
a number of occasions one can still choose to stand under the lighted spots and
hold his/her disowned shadow at some distance.

I prayed so much to be purified, to be divine, divinely purified.
Perhaps to be purified means WITHOUT INNER CONFLICT, without opposing
attributes, in the reality without attributes

Perhaps all that terminology around the shadow is too dogmatic

Harness the power of

If the Loving vibration/principle is applied to every aspect of the self the self is
one and one with everything

Q: Who do I pray to?
A: Pray to the Loving principle.

In regards to the Nature of Personal Reality
- the DISTINCTIONS/polarization perceived is also under the principles of
the Nature of personal reality
- -if you hold a core belief that good (Jesus) must struggle against bad
(Devil) or that world is full of negative energies that you need to protect
yourself against
then you WILL encounter the polarization and negative energies in your
everyday reality

your teacher A that taught you never-ending protection
when you discussed the old concept of emanating white light that alone is a
protection as it is non-sticky to low vibration, As take was that projecting
energy/light is also intrusive and disrespectful to the zone of others
that when you stand in =(the)your center=of what is there is no need for

also in other words
in your center in the place of neutrality (non-polarization) and loving

If you love everything from your own space - you are UNintrusive, you are
not actively trying TO CHANGE what is

Q: So we should just observe the low frequencies/vibrations? No service? No
work for the good?
A: This is the crucial question. Wait for the answer. You Ika now and here
work in the direction you are driven to. There is no authority in the physical
universe other than your soul.
(end of dictation)

Two dreams from this night.

1) Me and my son B did not perform very good on the test. Results came
back from some standardized assessment and we both were surprisingly
failing, having very low marks in certain subjects.
2) Lightning lightning of recognition

My Xxxx (name of a disease)-like symxxxx (haha, wanted to write symptoms but
wrote symbols) re-appeared
Drink water
From today I am cutting down on coffee and exponentially increasing my water

Previously: Hold ambivalence, Contain ambivalence

That still implies there is a division

Actor (Jim Carrey): You are either in a loving place, or you are in an unloving
Translates into
Either you are loving (without distinction) or you are choosing

If you are choosing, you are simultaneously refusing (so the choice is at the same
instance a rejection)

If Ika says being a psychic is a choice
So either I choose to see my psychic abilities
And create them into existence or
I choose not to see them
And thus my personal reality is formed

Actor: If you are with me right now you cannot be unhappy there is no way
how I could not love (no choice, no ambivalence) you (whoever and however you

Q: But how do I access the place of neutrality? How is ambivalence dissolved?

E.g. my bosss directive behavior makes me angry, etc.

A: You already love control yourself.
You loooveee power.
You have been the control and the power before.
It is just remembering. Removing that deep/last layer of conditioning.

Loving the Light is the most powerful separation of ALL

The struggle of But I love Jesus, my soul loves Jesus, I dont want to give him up
(and I already promised myself to Him)

Jesus himself is embodiment of the LOVING PRINCIPLE that is what you are
drawn to.


Remember being a Lucifer
a prodigal son

remember being an alcoholic, addict

remember being in love with that married man with three children

remember being a jazz melody
that universal
Adele sad piece of lyrics

Remember being a stone, a pony, sunray, a wave of the ocean thrown onto the






Apple (and

Adam + Eve


new flesh/knowledge

I have been or will be at each corner of (each) triangle
I now REMEMBER what it was like being on those two sides opposing me now

Q: Isnt this the work for entire lifetime? and next?)





There is no loving principle WITHOUT imperfection.
Take as much time as you need.
If it is a lifetime, take it.

(end of dictation)

A: This is not an/your ego driven book. We will finish it in two goes.
Q: Here I sense the meaning being after acquiring another round of life
A: Yes.
A: You will know what to do at every moment.
Q: (On my secret worry that we might loose momentum and just leave it

Drink water, no coffee.
Coffee blocks dictation.

This is no Jane Roberts/Seth interaction. You cannot just hand this one over as
written by another entity. You must be one with the content and live it.
Jane/Seth not owning your writing is a matter of old times.
Expand that heart.
You already are one of them a cheater, an alcoholic, etc.

Attachment to the Light
Is not synonymous to Loving

Its an inability to expand your heart to embrace the entire universe.
The universe that doesnt make it into your heart is exactly there outside, IN

Q: Can I manifest enlightenment for another?
A: You can manifest situations leading to the person listening more closely to
his/her soul. You can help UNCOVER THE SOUL TO ITS CARRIER.
The soul drives its own evolution, is ever-evolving.

Q: (here there was a glimpse of information that the evolution is NOT from the
old bad to the old good and that Lucifer was a very evolved soul this ended
with me being extremely uncomfortable and with the information on the
previous page that there are two rounds for these dictations, as I am not yet
ready/resisting a portion)

Definition of ATTRIBUTE


My heart expands today to embrace:
My fathers alcoholism
My unfulfilled sexual desires
My bosss micromanagement
My physical pain and cold
ok, here I see the limit of my heart today, as yet it cannot include terrorists

I will grow my heart by loving what I can today easily and effortlessly and
E.g. if a memory of me being the essence of a terrorist will surface, then my
heart might expand that extra length


One of them

This is an exact opposite of the charitable service (performed by people attached
to Light)
It is a different vibration and the consequences are different

Giving money as

Empowerment: I am one of you and what is mine is therefore yours (or this
resource is our natural privilege), you owe me nothing.

Dis-empowerment: Everything you own I have given you, you owe me


I am an alcoholic and working for other alcoholics keeps me sober. They seek my
help as they know I am helped at the same time, by the same action and
therefore they owe me nothing.



Case 1
Ika has been challenged with two thoughts (either from her soul or her souls
chosen spirit):

You will loose your son
You are a cow

After she heard this, her son being her most treasured bellowed person, she
immediately started to question who she is working for and wanted to enclose
herself in the auric field filled with light and with all the possible protection that
she has been taught.
Similarly, she was taught that a true spirit guide (from the light) would never
offend her or say anything abusive.

Case 2
C (Ikas friend from AA) and aggression
C has grown up in a family where anger was overly expressed and accompanied
with violence. His biological father went to prison at Cs age of one for violence. C
loved his father; however he couldnt love a father separated by violence. He
good baby C chose violence to become as his father.
He chose the evil side because of the strength of his LOVING PRINCIPLE.
It was easier to think of oneself as BAD than not to love (his parent).

Perceived THREAT of loosing the Loving principle

Choosing a side

Separation from the universe

In reverse

If I am one with the universe

I cannot choose a side

Loving principle is always available to me (I always operate under the Loving

You on Earth have fully developed a Loving principle towards your children or a
child toward a parent (in most cases)
(How could I NOT LOVE and do everything for? What would be the point of
existence/ loss of meaning if this Loving is blocked or lost.)

As you apply the Loving principle to only such narrow part of the universe, there
is a great potential of perceived threat that comes from the excluded part of the
universe (FORCES, SPIRITs, yes haha) that can interfere with your Loving
principle towards your included part of the universe.

As you extend the Loving principle from your family etc. onto a much larger
circle, universe, so does the threat decrease.


Killing a son
- separation of self from the universe

The low vibration actions:
Acts against the Loving principle
Will lead to the separation


What? You are endangering our women and children! So we will identify so
much more with our own group

Only be becoming one with the universe (by remembering)
can you UN-CHOOSE a side and always be a Loving principle

The force holding the universe together is the act of loving

Act of loving is equal to unifying

Light-lovers are creators of separation
(that is a bit harsh, correction)


I am the point in the middle
(I am the center of the universe)

I look to the right - rise - I am loving
I look to the left - fall - I am loving
I look to the front - future - I am loving
I look behind - past - I am loving
I look up - heaven - I am loving
I look down - hell - I am loving

I am standing in the middle
Connected to all


Evolution doesnt proceed from bad to good but from separation to utter
expansion/unification (in Loving)
Unity ONEness is not an achieved state, it is becoming through the Loving

Q: How are the BAD ACTS not being repeated?
A: Souls (sentient beings) test that certain actions lead to more separation (from
the universe, or your universe at that particular time)

Therefore killing a person is an act that a soul might not repeat (unless this is
chosenlater discussed) - as this in your environment will lead to very obvious
physical separation (prison) and mental/emotional separation from society,
family, friends even for a person who is not in touch with his/her soul (and
dulls the pain of separation)


The idea that every person (however evil) has a divine soul is a continuation
of the separation concept

DIVINE was the correct word here Ika each person has a divine soul

The divinity doesnt mean it is the light in the darkness of personality and flesh.
It means it is the LOVING PRINCIPLE carrying, UNIFYING element in physical.

SOULS are definitely not pure.
Purity implies separation.


Not purify me but unify me
I am divinely unified/as opposed to divinely purified
I am that I am

Please let me serve you Jesus
exchanged for
Please let me serve through Loving principle for the highest unification of all

For the highest good of all
exchanged for
For the highest heart expansion


When low vibration actions lead to separation, it is very difficult for the soul to
hold these actions
Souls move from separation to unification, from own lower vibrations to
accumulating higher vibrations

Holding low vibrations and receiving freely low vibrations is the highest
service to the universe

It is only when you master applying Loving principle so much that you can
tolerate wrong word!! LOVE the low vibrations WITHIN YOU
(it is still much easier to love low vibration in others as it is to truly love them in

Q: Ok, I am sort of resisting this. Tell me about what Lucifer has done.
A: Embodied took within him self the least unified aspects of the universe, to
carry them and love them

Q: And so the high vibratory Light can shine in comparison.
A: As the shaman correctly said: You wont say I love the sopranos but I hate the
bases. But bases are more difficult to carry and apply Loving principle towards,
especially within one-self.

(Carrying EVIL is a choice, the bravest one.)

Q: I still dont understand, cant.
A: Lets return to this later on.

DALAI LAMA and thought forms

Q: What about Dalai Lama? He is given often by many as an example of a person
living in I AM state. Does he love evil?
A: Yes, he does.
But the change of perspective must first happen globally at the level of the
thought form.
It is not for the political leaders of the current world to explicitly embrace old
bad - that wouldnt be understood.
This is a realization that must come from within and anchor as a new awareness.
That will be followed by NON-CONFLICT of various aspects of manifested
SOURCE (dark and light) in physical.

Imagine it as an internal revolution.
within the individual self

A self that applies Loving principle to all its aspects and is in a state of NON-
CONFLICT (I AM) cannot be drawn to a conflict in physical.

A self that applies Loving principle to its own dark aspects must
simultaneously see and accept these dark aspects (in essence) in others.

This is a revolutionary concept for an individual mentioned in holy books
E.g. Return of Jesus as the return of the Loving principle of UNCONDITIONAL,
ALL-INCLUSIVE love within
leads to the kingdom of heaven raised vibration of the planet


Q: Much has been said about raising the vibration of the planet. So if we are not
eliminating or uplifting the low vibrations, then how is this happening?

A: By the act of Loving them. Loving everything, loving the dark, grey, white and
light. The vibration of Loving is so much higher, that by simply loving what IS
(rather than wanting to alter its proportions or flow) the entire planet will

That is how you could come into contact. That you are still a punk, even more
morally unacceptable deeds added recently, but you are so good at loving
even the mutant pony who is not very interested, even the boy who refused you
lost-count how many times, even the lack of data in your work, you love the
disabled, love the poor, and now you love yourself. You met your shadow in that
lucid dream and chose to embrace it (and it kissed you, right?). You look at the
mirror and think: You are as you are the most beautiful creature in the universe
and that is knowing all your unacceptable thoughts, deeds, desires, past,

Within yourself you have accomplished the task of the universe: loving each and
every aspect manifested and therefore creating UNION.


Q: I had this thought that as it all seems so very shamanic and darkness
embracing, perhaps I am channeling D (shaman that initiated me).
A: No way.
(At this point, at least Ika has given up her fear of multiple personality disorders
and her doubts have re-focused on tapping
Common pool of thoughts/collective unconscious
Souls of others
Uncanny spirits)

Q: So D is separate.
A: You wish (laugh). Not separate, he is already within you and you are within
him. As E (Ikas very important romantic interest) is within you and you are
within him.
But there are no soul mates. They are ALL within you and you are within them
ALL. Some of them (also some animals, other souls) you remember more easily.
But they can - EVERYTHING can - be remembered and found within you.

Q: This relates to the point in the middle meditation. As everyone and
everything is in the center of the universe? (I am getting clever.)
A: Yes and no.
Q: Yes and no?
A: Yes to the center and no to you getting clever.
Q: I see.
A: Everyone/thing is the center but also connected in all directions. There are no
past lives. Everything can be experienced at any moment and you can
remember/recognize everyone.
Q: What about the future then?
The precognition versus the free will.
Shouldnt I be able to see all events at any point at any moment similarly as the
A: There is no one line of events. Lets return to this later. (When you are
Q: Thank you kindly. I am loving that too.

Here reveal your shadow

Q: Here I conveniently remembered how with A we called on our doorkeeper to
protect us against everything that is not for our highest good, and also on our
guardian angel and spirit guide.
In that meditation we had a column of white light passing through us taking
everything that was not for our highest good, or what we did not need anymore
(negative energies) and we asked our spirit guides to take it away. I had a
thought that no spirit guide will take away my shadow (and that doing so
wouldnt even be for my highest good) because its the key to my life experience.
A: Shadow - the essence of all dark aspects in your environment

Q: A is a great person.
A: Label. A is.
Q: I love her (rebelliously)
A: Thats my girl.

The sequence of events for this notebook:
Previous week
Picked up a book on spiritual telepathy
Shamanic journeying
(what I have read before: Spiritual growth by Orin and still reading very slowly
Nature of Personal Reality by Jane/Seth)

Q: I have seen a Muslim woman kneeling on a train platform in prayer. Why is

she doing that? If she is not talking/communicating in spirit, what is she
A: Love, the same you do for Jesus. Loving principle just limited to what is under
her selected principles of her reality.

Q: Shouldnt I get helped being in these receptive states? (like energy work
A: No, we co-operate together. Your intention fine-tunes my reception.

Q: What about ulcerating my colon?
A: You will know you are opening/circulating your second chakra properly when
you see those orange stones while grounding. (Ika sees all colors of 7 centers but
not orange ever).
Q: Why I never had any pain on 5? (as opposed to every other chakra)
A: That you had beautifully opened/developed, that is why it is such a pleasure
to transfer meaning to you.
Q: Thank you. (laughing)
A: Welcome.

Q: Most thought scenarios (the sensing of what might happen) involving my son
(and my father), why are they necessary?
A: Your last attachments (in physical). But you accepted loss of most:
Work success
Classic family
Reputation (at certain periods of time in your own structure of reality)
Sexiness (who is smelly, cannot be very sexy, out of control)
Romantic interests you liked
Autonomy at work

Q: How can I stop ulcerating my colon?
A: Closing your second chakra (closing your love of physical life) is your first
shock reaction, especially when feeling foreign male energy (and although you
are not sure whether I am the source or your soul/higher self or some other
spirit, you perceive me as male). You can open your second chakra with your
strong intention similarly as you did with fourth in the void (during your
journeying with drums).
Your life here should include good food, good fuck and having your feet washed
in the sea. Closing second chakra is equivalent to withdrawal from loving
physical world, shutting down your body and moving into mental aura and

Q: My father and mother fell ill on Monday (as we started with this book) with
their type of disease they always suffer from sinusitis wherever they travel.
How is it with the nature of family diseases? (E.g. at one point I was convincing
my mother that she too has Xxxx (name of a disease) because she developed
very similar symptoms. However, I know now for sure that this is not in my case
a disease in the western medicine sense. Why did she appear to synchronize with
me, developing some very specific symptoms?)

Q: INCONSISTENCY: If Loving principle is a matter of free will and natures
sentient beings dont have free will in the sense that humans do, then how can
the Loving principle be in action in nature in that effortless way? Who puts
Loving principle there? Or is Loving principle everywhere until WITHDRAWN?

Q:I am lying in bed after taking a nap and remember sharing my journeying with
the circle. And I suddenly feel ashamed. Like if I made it up, weirdly ashamed.
A: And that is just being a customer. Imagine actually sitting at Ds place.
Q: Thats what I cant. Sitting, talking, leading vision quests, dancing weirdly, I
dont want to do that.
A: Then you want. (laugh) You wont or you will want. Both can occur. He does
exactly what he is called to.

Q: I was ashamed that I made it all up, which is very peculiar, as I was never
interested in shamanism and completely ignored the topic in my spiritual
readings. I dont even know what INITIATION means.
A: Initiation is crossing the dimension of reality perceived by five senses. As you
prayed to see the truth, hear the truth and be the truth and for the veils to be
I dont say that what you perceive at each moment is the truth as there are
many layers of BECOMING and on each layer there is the truth of that layer - for
the lack of better expression.
But you have now access to more than one dimension and that access in your
case is pretty deep. It is irrelevant whether you are using it to communicate with
your soul or souls of animals or nature spirits. Initiation is crossing over not to
the dark side (or the light side as you insisted in enlightenment) but beyond the
SEPARATION of your previous perceivable reality.
Initiation is your expansion. In knowledge yes, but hopefully in LOVING.
Q: Why do you say hopefully?
A: As there ALWAYS is free will, even if not at a what is perceived as a specific
moment (e.g. your overdose blackout), there is always the possibility to choose
not to expand in loving. That brings us to your question about the third eye.

Q: I also feel and admit to being uncomfortable and not entirely accepting of the
whole content.
A: But you still want to write?
Q: Oh yes, definitely. Even if I completely havent identified with the content or
felt sadness etc I want to write!!! Its just interesting to see from a before un-
considered perspective. And I have many questions that I didnt find answers to
in any literature.

A: So what do you want to learn?
Q: What will happen tomorrow?
A: Well, you stay at home and write this book.
Q: (laughing)
A: We will come to the future question later on.

Q: So how is it with the use of the third eye in everyday?
A: Shaman or initiated is accessing physical and non-physical dimension (or
one, some of the non-physical dimensions). As we spoke, he/she can then choose
to expand in Loving or not. If you use your third eye information to stretch your
heart and embrace more the more you see, if your
Loving principle grows stronger and expands with the sight, that is the true
purpose of the third eye opening.
Third eye can be opened also in people with active ego and in that case it might
be more used to accumulate knowledge and this without increasing the
Loving principle is useless.
Ok, if you share and others increase their Loving principle that does count.
Only knowledge that leads to an increased Loving is knowledge in the spiritual

Q: What are the dangers of the other dimensions?
A; There is no danger other than NOT LOVING.
If you already hated at home on Earth, if you tasted the hating within, then you
have nothing more to fear.


Spirit world communicates with your physical world all the time, but usually
through symbols (or events) it is very rare to transfer meaning via words
Q: Events- explain
A: E.g. big flood

With symbols the meaning is remembered/uncovered usually in non-verbal
awareness (I would compare it to human non-verbal communication, e.g.
handshake where the meaning is implicit)

With words the meaning reaches verbal awareness, which at humans at this
time is extremely powerful, and the meaning is EXPLICIT

In vision quest D brings people to observe and interact/be taught by the spirits.
He allows them to gently lift the veil of their (nature of) personal reality and
hopefully start loosing those ATTRIBUTES that you use to describe it in and to
direct your Loving principle.

The objective is to truly experience the Everything is different than I was taught
and enter on your own path of remembering and re-discovering. The path of
D gives people first UNLEARNING, god bless him.

Q: I had a thought that perhaps what I experienced with the drums was taken out
of Ds head- his stories and expectations, his knowledge of the initiation.
A: You cant give anyone a vision. A series of images/impressions without deep
meaning for you that is not a vision but a hallucination.
Vision has a personal meaning for you and in your souls language, it might be
in layers:
E.g. the men in your vision real men but also evil.
The physical man you asked for is coming but at the same time you embraced
Noun without Adjectives
Essence without Attributes

Q: Is pain necessary for gain?

A: Yes it is/was in your conditioning.

I now receive easily, effortlessly and painlessly for growth
I receive
For growth of our Loving

Gain without pain is a very advanced skill, it needs to be desired explicitly

It is a sign of advanced soul to receive painlessly for growth, such soul is allowing
the flow.
We are not attracting anything (as in the law of attraction).
The people, events, opportunities are


always present it is only about the individual seeing them.

All opportunities come in infinite successions and therefore an individual can
never miss to experience/learn what is desired once he/she truly INTENDS to.

Q: So how about being a mother after 50?
A: You can experience the ESSENCE of motherhood even in the same lifetime
after 50. The child can be any sentient being.

Q: But perhaps that is not the same as really get pregnant in physical, etc.
A: That is like saying your experience with death was not real. After all, you are
still sitting in your bed. However, it was as real as it ever gets, and now death is
your friend. Not an escape from life (as it seemed at some difficult times) but as a
graceful gateway to further BECOMING. You lost all your pre-conceptions and
became intimately acquainted with death by experiencing the ESSENCE of death.


A: On repeated fears about B:
This is as much about you (your evolution) as it is about the rest of the
You faced death but you havent faced your biggest fear loss of another. That
keeps returning until you resolve it (as you have befriended death).
Only when you are released from the power of death and your fears can you
truly SERVE, only then you have courage to heal another.
Q: note (added next day): Courage? Not power?

A: Resistance to this content: Although it is not entirely acceptable to you when
spelled out, you yourself were using these teachings. Not only you applied the
Loving principle to the alcoholics and the alcoholic in you, to the death and the
one that almost died in your perspective un-respectably, also in thought you
applied it to the spirits of deceased, to the violent in distress.
Q: I remember. I was doing it.

Q: So how does the behavior of a person practicing Loving principle translate

into her everyday life? I wrote that letter to my ex-husband, but I still dont go for
picnics with him. I am loving E and F (my lost friend) and G (my lost friends
partner) with my dark aspects and their dark aspects (and yes the dark aspects
of the past) and even though here I certainly sometime/well often fail and
relapse into separation (and withdrawal of the Loving principle) inside me, still I
might not have ever loved anyone more in an active thought form (I mean these
thoughts go on for months) however, I still did not see them and fix it with
them in physical. And so on. So how does my practice translate into the reality of
other people?
A: Even if it never did that doesnt take anything away from the increase of the
vibration (and the unity).
However, it will, in each and every case.
As your intention was not the end-result, as you expected nothing nothing to
happen and nothing in return and it was indeed an intense application of the
Loving principle, the lives of those people too will be relieved. What they
perceive as dark aspects will in their eyes become brighter and easier to
integrate into self. More unity will be achieved.

This is worth repeating - everything physical is in a thought form first.
Everything, no exception whatsoever. There is some delay between the changing
of forms (if you believe there is a long delay you can also have a long delay).

Q: Define physical.
A: Not only people, things, but also events.
Event is a very dynamic thought form or action thought form. It arises as an
agreement between participants. Because of the mix of intentions (and other
energies) that are dynamic and coming from all participants, the results or
better flow of the event is very interesting to observe.

Q: The universe or better each small piece of the universe seems so

incomprehensively elusively complex.
A: Very simple.
Different manifestations of the Source BECOMING unified by the Loving
Q: Isnt the Source the Loving principle?
A: No! Loving principle is optional. It is a matter of choice, of free will. We are not
of it. We are of the Source.
Q: Wow, I will have to look at my prayers.

A: You pray well, keep it up.
The Our Father prayer is for the incorporation of dark aspects into/with Loving
principle (e.g. forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against

Q: (Nap, small break.) Again, affirmed that my son is in the first place for me, and
that if anything should happen to him, lets close down the shop now. I give this
up. My son above the knowledge and love of any spirit world, and above the
welfare of the universe. I shouted that out into the universe through my violet
third eye.
A: Your son is the standard of unconditional love for all/everything. Exactly like
that. In those precise sentiments, love all.

Q: I wonder whether you are not going to show me any images to better
A: You are a writer. A speaker. The right words will always come to you and
people will understand. (We have painters too.)

Q: How do I know that I have done a mistake in this line of work?
A: By violating the Loving principle. You usually call that pain. (Also, you Ika call
many other perceptions pain and we will change that now that your attention
is focused it can indeed be just a gentle conversation.)

Q: I love nature. I love going outside so much. And also meditating in this place
(my bedroom and bathroom).
A: In nature, the Loving principle is in action in a very natural effortless way.
Natures sentient beings (apart from human) accept all aspects of manifestation
and honor the arrangement by playing out their full role (carnivores kill and eat
other animals, etc.).

Q: Dont natures sentient beings apart from humans have free will?
A: Not in the sense as humans do. Not at all.

Q: Another break, another block. I am afraid of the implications for my sons
future. So I pray for him, for his protection.
But I do understand: all that I have removed for myself fear of my death, fear or
shame of my addictions, desires etc. and now finally fear of the dark side I
have not removed for him, when it comes to him.

Q: Ok, so I am afraid for my son, but I still want to hear.
A: That is important. There is no hearing for those who dont want to hear.

Q: Now, in the break, few offending curse words.
I wonder whether that is my fear, or my old ego speaking, but the feeling is that it
is my communicator.
A: There is no point in trying to transfer-through an original text via person who
subscribes very strongly to the learnt/heard concepts (e.g. a spirit guide is only

Q: I remember that before initiation, the real meditation (when I did NOT try to
speak with guides) but first pray, actively love, apologize, forgive and then just
be in a meditative state that had a very graceful vibration, very loving,
extremely loving content.
I will wait and see what develops now.
(note added next day: perhaps I am not applying the Loving principle to my
communicator as I was when being with the Source. Perhaps that is the change
in vibration.)


On the vision quest people are left several days without food. For the first time in
their lives they need to focus their attention on where to get food.
The process of focusing your attention on an un-explored question or space is
already groundbreaking.

The next step is to focus your attention on a question that is not answerable by
logic. Enquire about your personal life, ask questions and listen for the answers.

Next step is to focus your attention on a question that doesnt (in your
perception) relate to you, but someone else in the universe might have the

Keep your exploration going. You can explore the universe with your focused
As you proceed to un-peel the layers of conditioning (and so the questions
change), you will receive different answers.

The answer always matches the question AND your nature of personal reality at
the moment (it needs to be answered within the context of your core beliefs - in
the language of Jane/Seth).

PERCEIVED DARKNESS/LIGHTNESS aka nature of personal reality

2 models

1) a ball of one color, lets say white, is in the middle of people with
glasses of different shades the same substance is thus perceived as
having different attributes depending on the filter the viewer uses

2) a ball that is a representation of yin-yang if you walk around such a
ball, from various angles you might see only white, or only black or
catch the mixture

The aspects of the universe are not usually black or white, not in a particular
moment, not to mention across your time. They are only perceived with these
attributes that allow different people exclude different groups of sentient beings
from their Loving principle, depending on their filter/nature of personal reality.

Q: But there is some consensus about evil? In most religious texts, across
cultures, the essence of EVIL is
A: UNLOVED end of story.


Akin AA: your shit becomes the fertilizer.
You turn that ball of yin-yang and see that there is another face of the issue
and that you have been looking at the dark spot.
Or you can exchange your shades and again you see the attributes changing and
your evil/darkness brightening.

That can immediately help you apply the Loving principle toward the ball as
documented many times among e.g. alcoholics and addicts, many of whom claim
that without their addictions, they would never know gratefulness, the value of
life, the beauty of a sober day, and also fellowship and spirituality for some.


Imagine the hurtful event of your life or the evil aspect of yourself or another.

Turn it around in your minds eye.
Who taught you this is evil?
Does anything in your life (any other aspect) come into bright light by
Isnt this the moment in your life to bring as many of these balls up for
How much of the increased Loving can you gain from looking at your balls?


Light is shining from the window above the door

Q: So beautiful, I just want to look at it all the time. I love light.
A: You only see it because around is darker.
Q: Yeah, yeah, but still I just want to bask in the Light, I dont want to mess with
all that devil stuff. Just you know, help people.
A: Well, you could, when you finished medicine. Why arent you in the hospital
now taking care of the sick?
Q: Because I didnt feel I could really help. I felt I should go elsewhere, that I dont
yet have everything I need to heal.
A: Exactly. Healing doesnt always take form of putting hands on people (I wont
even discuss western medicine here.)
Q: Why not? Isnt western medicine a huge progress?
A: Yes and no.
Q: Elaborate. Its saving lives.

Q: quote from A: En-lighted= perceiving the Truth of the situation
Q: A is blessed, why doesnt she do this stuff instead of me
A: She is a healer, not a communicator (and yes, she is blessed).
Q: Ohh, so Ika is also a little communicator.
A: If she listens well, if she is willing.

In the shower, thinking of taking ibuprofen for my headache

A: So the western medicine is like the ibuprofen: although after a while you dont
feel the pain, the process that is causing it is still going on (e.g. I am still trying to
come through).
Thats why you ignored it so many times before as you were remembering
today, the instances when you had similar symptoms and you turned on the
quest to discover what is your illness through your medical books and tests.
Thats why you were given the medically un-explained symptoms, so as a medic
at one point you will direct your attention away from western medicine.
The number of people with medically unexplained symptoms is growing and that
has two-fold effect: more people seek alternative treatments that are inherently
spiritual. Also scientists and western medicine are approaching methods to
detect more subtle systems.

Q: Ok, that is all pretty basic. Tell me more. Why did western medicine then make
such a progress? There is a theory that what is supposed to be is backed up by
the universal energy.

A: That is true (the principle you are quoting). It was a loop for humans in that
layer of evolution. Part of why you looped is ego-driven. Drive for pure
knowledge: as asking how does this work/operate with closed heart. 4th, 5th and
6th chakras must operate simultaneously, otherwise looping occurs. The
knowledge without 4th or 5th is not exactly lost, but must wait until later time to
be put to its intended use (as intended by the spirit) increase in the Loving
principle, in this context TRUE HEALING.
Prolonging life has no appreciable meaning (unless the person is serving and is
not yet done).

Q: Isnt everyone/thing serving?
A: That is a matter of choice. So No.
Serving equals (almost equals) practicing Loving principle.

Q: Do we have to get rid of something to gain anything? (Is it one for another?)
A: You already know the answer. You need to get rid of the attributes. Then you
will gain everything IN LOVE.
You only have to give up NOT LOVING.

Q: Lets elaborate on this process. I mean you elaborate, I document.
A: Haha, dont sell yourself short. I am searching for an example.
Q: In the meantime I will shop for dinner then.
A: Cheeky.

Q: Is there a price for knowledge? Will I pay? (I am shaking but I am willing to
hear this.)
A: ----
Q: How much will I pay?
A: As much as you are willing to pay.
Q: Could you elaborate?
A: Later. This is an extremely important topic.

Q: When my son is dead?
A: Yes.
Q: (dread)
A: In essence. He must die in essence.
Q: This is a terrible SHIT.
A: No fear must remain.

Q: But not in physical?
A: No.
Q: But he will not be apallic or somehow terribly not here?
A: I will not promise you he will be healthy, happy, lucky, etc. You cant, what
even I cant (and wouldnt want to) take his lessons away.
(more compassionately) He wont be apallic.

Q: Not coming through the third eye but the top of the head?
A: Not very important topic.

Q: We want to get more complex. Some of what we are writing is as for
A: Well, humans (laugh)
Q: Thanks.

Q: (going shopping) So when I ask you to stop this dialogue you will stop?
A: Yes, I will listen.
Q: Wow.
A: Yes wow.
I was just joking about the humans above you know. Everyone/thing is equal in
the universe, that central point is precisely what we are trying to re-discover in
this book.
What happens when you remove all the attributes is equality, is IS.

This IS equally as that IS.

Attributes try to destroy the center, like that volcanic reaction you often think
you are (and you are!!)
Q: Many thanks!
A: They propel the substance from the center outwards - this is only happening
in your (peoples) perception
that the substance (not essence, substance is the correct word here) gets
fragmented and distance appears between the fragments
Q: I see, so you are now describing the same point (Loving all ~ unification) in
million ways.
A: Because it is such a crucial point. Real LIFE GIVING.

Q: Are we people told stuff that we need to know at the moment?

A: Yes.
Q: Is it only the stuff that we need to know?
A: It is not pure information. It comes in whatever form the recipient is ready for
and that can involve lots of packaging (yeah, like pop song etc.).
Q: So in the next year, you can be giving me different information?
A: This text is important and will remain important as IT IS. But hopefully yes,
next year I will be giving you further information.
Q: So what you told me about my son is just what I needed to know at the
A: No. I could NEVER LIE.
Nor cheat in a sense I need to transfer TRUE MEANING.
Q: Thats good, because otherwise I wouldnt want to continue.


Is a job
Is an act of intention

Q: I was again wondering about the future, asked a question but did not want to
hear the answer. I was like: But I am afraid.
A: And that is why no answer is forthcoming. Fear blocks access to the truth.
With decreasing fear, the truth can appear.
Q: So its proportional. The decrease in fear is correlated with the access to
further layers of truth.
A: Not exactly correlated. Fearlessness is one condition for access. Uncovering of
the central truth also requires the Loving (application of the Loving principle).
Q: So as Loving is a matter of choice, then what happens to the enquiring fearless
person with the absence of Loving?
A: Those are the dangers of the other dimension you were asking about before.
Discovery without really discovering, that is seeing things, hearing things and
interacting with things (things for the lack of a better noun) that do exist, but
without real purpose (spiritual purpose). Like getting caught in advanced levels
of some infinite computer game but never being able to reach the end.
Q: Ha, I am absolute chicken in even considering the thought that we (Q&A) have
reached the end.
A: Speak for yourself.
Q: Haha.
A: Yes, it is not understanding the Loving principle (and its application to ALL
without distinction). Even if you were accepting everything we talked about
Q: Which I am NOT!!!
A: yes, that would not be the end of the game.
Q: It has something to do with the embodiment of the Loving principle, right?
A: Yes. But not by being the goody-goody. The saints are tempted that is what
they call it. They are not tempted! They are a mixture, they are NOT FROM THE
LIGHT, as no human is. So if they should with rigorous honesty journal their
thoughts (or even deeds) the ESSENCE of what is perceived as dark would be
all over their journals (e.g. controlling their thoughts, trying to sort them
equals to power, equals to aggression). The relief for people would be having
few of these journals of current or past saints available to read. Yet, they are
correctly called saints in a sense, as they loved so much - with intention and
awareness, recognizing Loving as the highest/only service.

Q: As opposed to humans, is there anyone FROM THE LIGHT?
A: I wont even consider such term anymore.

Q: You wont make a prophet out of me.
A: I wont. You have a choice.
Q: Like to be burned on the stake.
A: There will be some of that, yes.
Q: I wouldnt want my father to experience that.
A: He wont see that. That will come well after.
Q: After his stroke? (I sensed that image.)
A: Yes.
Q: (crying, etc.)

A: So what, you are fast to pass through that graceful doorway towards further
understanding/unfolding, but not let anyone else?
A: Your father will always be with you.
What, you might eve talk more then than now.
Your father is within you and you are within him always. He is already dead and
re-born in a series of infinite lifetimes all co-occuring (happening in a single

A: Your parents will die, you dont need a master to tell you that.
Q: So you are a master? (reference to Ageless Wisdom)
A: I am not identifying myself as you must have already understood at least
not at this time. I am staying/becoming without ATTRIBUTES.


As you have written on your bathroom mirror:
I wont expect anything
I wont reject anything/anyone

And that is the definition of the intention of unconditional love.

No expectation is an all-inclusive, nothing refusing INTENTION
I will not judge, because or even though I could name attributes of that
person/event etc. I will still love it/them
I will see unfolding the flow in and the release (the letting go)
It only appears to be directional

As you are welcoming something/someone into your life you are already at the
same time letting it/them go
Yes it does work the other way too
As you are releasing something/someone, letting them go, you are welcoming
them into your life as you have just HONORED AND ACCEPTED it/them as they

Letting go here is not an imposed action. Oh, I cant have this lover or he is with
someone else (this is to be discussed later) so I HAVE TO let him go. Letting go
is an act of fully accepting a person or situation in their entirety and (in the case
of a person) honoring their free will.

Q: That is giving someone freedom? Giving the beloved their freedom?
A: You can never give anyone their freedom.
Only each self gives him/her self the freedom.
Freedom is Free-d OM, it is a deep connection with ones own nature (with the
divine within) this leads to following that inner guidance (as in Living in the
Light of Shakti Gawain using this as a shortcut in expression).
In following your DIVINITY, one does break rules of the society, rules of ones
conditioning and lastly even self-conditioning (like the attachment to the Light).
Q: That brings us to the multiple partners you wanted to discuss?


Q: And D sees reality larger than himself.
A: Nothing is larger than your self.
Everything/one is already within you. If D sees Yeti in the woods that is because
D has remembered Yeti and can now experience him in his current reality
(which is a mix of a few dimensions) he chose to inhabit.
Q: So Yeti doesnt really exist.
A: Yes, I see you are making it easy for the reader here. Yeti does exist.
Everything/one IS (becoming).
Q: Doesnt really exit HERE (in my current reality).
A: It does if you remember it.
Q; So I can remember my Lover.
A: I see you are not loosing focus (of the priorities).
Yes, I dont like the word manifesting.

Pause, no continuation, Ika puts on Seal CD starting with Bring it On!!
At first I didnt have the will to carry on
Illusions in m mind
Take me to that funky place
where you and I were born
Carry on now

Q: laughing
A: Welcome to the world of spirit that was/is within you. You have just
remembered some of it.
Like when you were first so very heartbroken (with the divorce and the
colleague situation) and each song on the radio seemed to contain a clue. And
you commented to your sister: Hey, did you know that Guns N Roses Dont cry is
about a break-up? I never realized that before.

But that was recognition after experiencing. First you experienced the
heartbreak and then you could recognize it around you (even in symbols).
Staying between experiencing and recognition is majority of human experience.
The classic learning from experience embedded in your language even that
is considered superior (or at least a different mode of) learning than learning by
conditioning (second-hand knowledge).
If this is the exclusive way of operating creating awareness in an individual it
is quite slow. Such individual is cut off from his/her soul/true nature (I will
discuss this term later) and at some level perceives this DISCONNECT or barrier
to accessing something usually called meaning or purpose.

Then what D has done with Yeti and you might with the Lover is remembering
(the essence of Yeti or the Lover) within you and then experiencing them in your
chosen reality (within those dimensions that you are currently accessing).

Q: What is the purpose of experiencing?
A: Increase in the Loving principle. Or much more precise ACTIVE APPLICATION
of the Loving principle at the endpoint.

Q: But are these clues of the intuition on where to go? Your soul/true nature
being recognized?
A: Clues not to where to go but to who/what you are. There is nowhere to go
but to your true nature. Accepting it as IS (becoming).

Q: Soul true nature is that the place where you and I were born?
A: Closer but not quite.

A: The Yeti or the Lover are not remembered because they are right for you but
because experiencing them might provide you with an opportunity to increase

your Loving principle (e.g. in the case of Yeti through the loss of FEAR and loving
Yeti as scary as he is; and in the case of the Lover the same - laughing).
Q: Yes, I was waiting for this one. Thanks for keeping me on my toes.
You know this banter will not go well with the Lovers of Metaphysics.
A: Then they are not applying their Loving principle to lets say punk aspects, in
your terminology Ika.

A: But application of the Loving principle is optional. You bring out by
remembering to create/demonstrate for yourself the choice:
Of either Loving what IS or not.

Q: Ok. Beautiful. I just wanted to put some arrows on the model in reverse.
A: Everything/one comes from the inside. We are not going to put an arrow from
experiencing to remembering. Recognition is not second-hand WORDS. It only
comes from experiencing or remembering.
You are now RECOGNIZING some of the content that you are remembering with
my help. You are at the same time CHOOSING not to recognize some of the
content (saying I cant accept this part). That is the part that you will need to
experience in order to recognize.
Direct recognition by remembering is possible when in close contact with your
soul/true nature.
Q: note added next day: spirit?

A: The endpoint is Loving with awareness. Applying Loving principle consciously
by choice AFTER you fully recognized the person or situation or aspect in their

Q: So could we somehow relate this diagram to the discussion about Loving and
Fearlessness leading to the Truth?

Q: Tell me about those dimensions.
A: This is not a metaphysical test to explore a structure of BECOMING. It might
be of interest if you are a yogi with loads of human time on your hands (this is all
in very incorrect language)
Q: Very punk, yes.
A: but it is a distraction.
The structure always collapses into that single center with everything and
everyone being the center. (The center is more correct than AT THE center.)


The fear of. my fathers death.
I clearly see you, you are huge and obscuring my view. But I love you. I know you
are a natural part of human experience and being a fathers child.
Next time you come, I will welcome you, hug you and together we might
remember that my father is already dead and re-born countless times in this
moment and we cant loose each other as we are within each other.

Q: I thought you are supposed to keep what is.
A: Correct. It is not purifying yourself from your fears, but recognizing them and
accepting them (applying the Loving principle to them).
FEARLESSNESS is not the absence of fear. It is the state where your fears dont
have power over you.

Q: Why even seekers or people who do a lot in spiritual practice remain in the
same pattern? Why is the breakthrough so elusive for many?
A: Wish is not enough. You need to declare/come up with INTENTION. Intention
is a key to remembering. Wish is I want to (maybe in my mental or emotional
body, if I moved away from the ego already) but I dont really want to (I want to
within specific limits not facing my fears, keeping large parts of conditioning
for convenience).

As you chose to continue a dialogue with a speaker who did not identify himself
a great role in this decision, apart from courage and inquisitive mind (and some
recognition of what is being said) plays the fact that you truly believe you have
a choice now. Many ENQUIRIES are limited because the seeker or individual
doesnt believe he or she has a choice at every step.
This might take a form of a belief of mental illness (your illness is taking over
you, you cant control it) or having a particular gift as the psychics from
childhood that is viewed as received and not chosen.
These are both limiting the focus of attention into uncharted territories.

Q: I want to pick up the topic of a mental illness. And powerlessness. Since I
actually at one point did perceive that there is a split within me (which now I
recognize as Ego/Personality versus Soul/Spirit). Also, although I do take
RADICAL responsibility, some of the events towards the end were pretty bizarre
and indeed seemed choice-less in my perception.
A: Sorry.
You experienced exactly what you needed to pull down certain structures of
With telepathy (and you havent recognized yet whether that was transfer of
meaning between souls or you heard personalities/ego minds or both we can
discuss this later) you could make some validations (in your perception).
The same goes for certain pre-cognition or some psychic abilities (like reading
If you labeled your bodily symptoms as disease, and your spiritual telepathy
again as disease, you experienced some of the psychic phenomena in order to
really re-focus your attention.

Q: But where was the choice there exactly?


Choice of the essence:

Trajectory might vary depending on how well the experience brings about
recognition. If milder experience doesnt lead to recognition, the trajectory is
altered towards more drastic experiences (harder to ignore). As you noticed
yourself, illogical/bizarre occurrences can lift the veil of ego mind. For many
individuals who are extremely logical and rule obeying (who have principles
like you did Ika) experiencing the temporary perceived loss of willpower, un-
explainable loss of faculties etc. might be the breakthrough.
As you thought at the time: I lost my mind. And so you did the rule of the ego
mind/conditioning/logic. And you made - at that state - confirmation of your
choice to awaken by saying what the heck, now when I lost it, I am free to listen
to what IS coming through (and what at that time seemed to be responsible for
the havoc in your life only you recognized very fast that it was only the conflict
of the ego mind and that other voice or guidance that was causing the havoc).
You said: And I am willing. I embrace what is

A: Depending on the strength of intention, the choice will carry you through the
entire or a portion of an event. Basically, the stronger the intention for the
ESSENCE of the event to occur, the less choice within the event happening
(allowing for temporary loss of willpower at least so perceived to occur).
Temporary loss of willpower is absolutely not necessary for awakening, and
hopefully this book will help many to awaken without experiencing such event. If
the intention for the essence of event is not very strong, there are many steps
within the event to opt out or UN-CHOOSE.



Q; So I was thinking about the date. That 10th of this month is approaching and
that is the time when the xlottery draws its millions prize. And I had this thought
that I am having this job of manifesting money for Cs short movies, and it is a
very tedious creative visualization well at least I think you need to put a lot into
it for such money and I am worried that I wont have enough energy. Dont get
me wrong I am not complaining or anything but this work with you is pretty
draining (I am not lying with those sick days). And I sense that this might be
important (for masses, or for many as you say) but I would still rather get that
money for C.
A: I understand. That you ARE complaining.
Lets talk about manifestation first. Manifestation depends on two elements.

The process of setting an intention was described as creative visualization. That
is the method of imagining yourself standing near the tree.

The open heart of Loving leading to successful manifestation is reflected in what
is referred to as Law of Attraction. Your Loving is that higher vibration.
Both of the elements of manifestation are combined in beautiful Sonja
Choquettes term getting your hearts desire.

Having a higher vibration as an individual will not lead to manifesting
whatsoever at will. Your heart beats for C in a sense, you had many loving
feelings towards that person and from the very beginning


tried to figure out whether you could serve him. You are not manifesting money.
You are manifesting your exact amountfor the benefit of C, so that he can fully
engage in his creative endeavors.

Now lets talk about the love for the individual versus Loving/serving many.
Love for the individual has the highest value because it involves the highest
degree of awareness.
E.g. you got to know C a bit. Because you are both AA and he is the only AA you
ever talked to, your conversation was very different from what it would be like
with new friends/dates. Lets say you showed many of your dark aspects. And
although C is not the one to continue to text you or try to see you, that too you
have gracefully accepted.
So having experienced C, you recognize the ESSENCE of C in a larger way (as if
he was just a casual friend without RIGOROUS honesty or a stranger) and choose
to consciously with awareness expand your heart to include the essence of C in
its entirety. That is an increase in Loving principle.
Q: That brings us to the Nature and Loving in Nature.
A: When I mentioned that sentient beings other than human dont have free will
in the sense humans do, what I meant is that they cant achieve the recognition of
the essence as a conscious awareness. Then it follows that in Nature Loving is
not a choice. Natures is a steady vibration that will not increase over your
perception of time.

Nature is a demonstration of metamorphosis of one form into another in an
effortless fashion. Q: added a note: not sure (if the meaning was well
transferred in this sentence)

Q: As you mentioned recognizing an ESSENCE of a person doesnt humanity
have an essence? Cannot I recognize humanitys essence?
A: Well, if you could get intimately acquainted with the entire humanity
Q: Perhaps not so intimately.
A: I thought so.

Q: Does a person have AN essence? Shouldnt this be a combination of essences?
A: We are not talking about a series of personality traits.

Only for my reference

Q; Oh, so I am sensing that time is coming when B will hate all of this and will
reject me for it (as in the missing child type of references I was encountering
A: Yes, it is a lesson of Love for someone who abandoned the mainstream.

Q: Wow. If we operate on the level between experiencing and recognizing

(meaning being cut off from our souls/spirits), what/who is driving the
experiencing? How are the experiences encountered?
In this mode of operation, people tend to see events in their life as either random
or in the Gods power (outside themselves). Like in AA people would say: you
have to hand it over to God (or higher power of your understanding) and here
although some might mean the higher self? (as the guidance within), most mean
the force that is driving the worlds events.
A: Not today.


(ouch, could we change into Lucifer is within me?)

Everything that was, is and will be (in our language) is within me.
The prophet is within me.
The pedophile is within me.
I am a monk saving the world.
I am a killer responsible for million lives.
I am building the pyramid.
I am constructing the artificial eye.
I am the water, the fire, the earth and the air. I am all galaxies and all
I am alive, I am dead, I am here and I am there, I am bright and I am dark, I was, I
will be and never cease.
I am Lucifer, I am Jesus.
Becoming in Loving principle.

Q: Difference between Choice and Intention


Attention: you focus on specific scenery
Intention: both seeing a tree in the distance and seeing yourself beside the tree
(the starting and end point in this context) and a desire to cross the distance
Choice: (start) walking towards the tree

Q: I see how you can with rigorous honesty assess your beginning, your starting
position. But how do you see yourself beside the tree?
A: Exactly as I said. You see yourself WITH (near to) the QUALITY/essence.
That is what Sonia talked about when she mentioned she recognized people who
were about to get their hearts desire. What she recognized was the strength of
their intention.

Some spiritual intentions are so strong that they precede life-time(s)- if we use
the language of successive incarnations. That is why a shaman or prophet is
often depicted as being choice-less about his/her future/purpose.

Q: Then why if the intention is so strong would you set yourself up in some
inconvenient way?
E.g. if my spirit had an intention to be a spiritual communicator, why would I
place myself into family with extremely strong conditioning, atheism mixed with
dogmatic Catholicism and went on to abandon medicine for hardcore molecular
biology? It is an extremely un-likely position from which to speak about
Also, I have no desire to claim enlightenment or any kind of knowledge
whatsoever, as I feel anyway everyone knows.

A: And they do. We just help them remember, and we help them recognize.

And yet you are speaking. And looking pretty normal. You are not even too
exited I would say, loosing the interest?

Q: No, nolets go deeper though.
A: You positioned yourself to experience an extremely logical conditioning and
strong attachment to Light. Yet you are communicating (in complete integrity
physical, mental and emotional) what might be perceived as complete opposites
of those two conditions. Also, you lived some life that would be perceived as
normal in your society, even relatively successful
Q: Many thanks!
A: and you are prepared to live by your inner guidance no matter what. Yes, I
hear you, not even by inner guidance but by Loving (ok, I see not yet Loving all,
but Loving most). Consider that as an example for the reader. As you put it right
after, everyone knows. And if you could access that knowing and feel increased
Loving, than everyone can.

Q: Can you escape your own soul? (a bit disturbed by that meditation on being
the Lucifer)
A: Thats that separation, if you remove from that meditation the uncomfortable
bits. You are the universe. Make a list of what the universe contains or ask even a
little child to make that list. You are that. If it says poo, you are that too. If it says
Dad hit me, you are the Dad and the act of hitting and the hit child, etc.
If you are pushed to strike things of your list, or cover them up, then you are IN
that separation from aspects of self and universe.

Q: Soul, spirit, true nature


A: So as you were contemplating your holidays this summer, how you didnt plan
to go anywhere for vacation, but how you intended to go back to that Buddhist
monastery and meditate. But your only plans for summer are now spoiled
because you are in contact with me at will (almost) in your everyday and you
dont even need to sit cross-legged anymore!! - sit in that bathtub of yours or in
all those toilets at your workplace (blocking other poor researchers who wanted
to relieve themselves). It might be even conceivable that you can drink some
coffee after all and still be in good contact with me. So there are no rules and this
translates to there are no limits on your connection with the spirit.
Q: Your spirit?
A: Your spirit is also everyone elses spirit, lets discuss later.
Quality of the connection with the spirit is dependent solely on ones intention
and degree of development of the Loving principle (that is the higher vibration
or raising of the vibration that the other literature talks about). Therefore you
can follow a very strict religious practice, if the religion teaches exclusion and
damnation for aspects/beings excluded, and you do not apply Loving principle,
you are getting nowhere, even though the explicit purpose of your religious
practice is to connect with spirit.

Raising your vibration has very little to do with drinking water, burning incense
Q: you are laughing at me, right?
A: having a particular diet or reciting very precise prayers. All these things above
play a role and the prayers are pieces of beauty (as you would call it) and they do
have that vibe, but the main practice is CONSCIOUSLY expanding your heart to
include everything on your universe list.
You had a thought recently: if being a junkie on the street would help me
understand THE TRUE NATURE OF EXISTENCE then so be it.
So if you need to experience some of the things on your universe list before you
are able to recognize them and apply Loving principle to them that is what you
have to do. Experience THE ESSENCE of everything/one that cannot be yet
included in your heart.

Q: How do I then bring about such experiences? Or how are these experiences
brought about?

Q: E.g. if I cannot include violence on children what then?
A: First strip this image into its essence. You are describing an extremely
apparent/obvious manifestation of aggression/power over weaker. Lets
concentrate on power over weaker. Draw me a scale of manifestations of this

Now you were waiting to put the thoughts (the same in thought forms) at the
bottom of the scale. However, this scale is exactly the same for these acts in
deed or in thought. Thought forms and deeds are equal.

You can draw such chart for many other ESSENCES. When you look at it, you will
most of the time find that you have already experienced the manifestations at the
bottom or up to the middle of the scale. You have a choice now to RECOGNIZE
these experiences (events, people, etc.) in their entirety or better RECOGNIZE the
ESSENCE of these experiences. If you practice YES in the choice of recognition,
and if you practice YES in the choice of applying the Loving principle to the
recognized = that is the practice of CONSCIOUS EXPANSION OF YOUR HEART
(that will raise your vibration and the vibration of the entire planet).

Recognizing the essence of your experiences is the exact opposite of confession.
If you are a boss that is imposing very strict rules/agenda for your subordinates
(even if that is lets say your mode of work) and you realize that the neighboring
groups work with much more autonomy of each group member, you might
CHOOSE to recognize the POWER OVER THE WEAKER essence in yourself in this
experience. This recognition then may encompass different manifestation of the
same essence in yourself, others and in your current reality. The key is to
CHOOSE to recognize the essence within you.
And opposed to the confession, once you found and CONSCIOUSLY
ACKNOWLEDGED the presence of such/any essence within you, you then dont
concentrate your efforts on EXPUNGING it, purifying yourself and reciting
countless prayers, but you have another CHOICE to apply your Loving to that

essence within you (this might be accompanied with the countless prayers, that
would be nice).

Q: So you are going to say that once beloved within me, it can be loved in
anyone/thing in any manifestation?
I thought previously you said that the hardest is to apply Loving principle to the
dark within ourselves (but it is easier when it comes to others).
A: We are so very compassionate to others; we dont feel the separation caused
by their action as acutely as we do the separation that arises from our own
Q: So within WHO then?
A: Everything happens within you.
Look at the Shri Mataji page.
I forgive.
I forgive everything.
I forgive everyone.
I forgive myself.
You did it without trying to separate the events or people included (what was
whose fault in this situation or whose fault in that situation). You brought the
essence to your mind and heart (you thought of LOVE REJECTED, withdrawn, for
example) and forgave. You have been rejected, but simultaneously you have seen
very clearly how you rejected (another) yourself.


Q: So then, when C wants to hit someone but restrains himself (which he does
beautifully these days god bless him) that is all for nothing?
A: No! Not a good example. C never wants to hit anyone consciously. He prays
even for this impulse/compulsion to be lifted as his drinking and other
compulsions have been (not entirely but substantially). If you restrain from an
IMPULSE (if it is a hurtful action) that is great. The next step is to enquire why
such an impulse arises. Impulses could be Cs and yours doorway to the yet
UNINCORPORATED and UNLOVED parts of self (or the universe for that matter).


Q: Isnt there this idea around that it would need to be a very powerful thought
form (e.g. repeated, by large groups of people or by someone who is perceived as
spiritually powerful) that would only manifest in physical? We dont just think
stuff and it doesnt appear in front of our eyes.

A: Lets try to explain this through your personal experience. (Yes, one of those
bizarre ones.) So you have now spent almost whatone year Loving a person
you met in physical (or in your reality) twice in your life. You yourself had that
recognition that this was perhaps the most crucial relationship of your life yet,
as not only you sorted through many layers of intimacy-related issues in
yourself, accepting rejection etc. (and you appreciated that you are really
learning, that your heart is opening too) but also because you couldnt cut him off
(in your harsh words) stop Loving him (in the words of your heart). There are
several aspects to consider here. Firstly, you have been married for ten years,
had another boyfriend for a couple of years before that, basically you knew what
it means to live with a man and love a man in your everyday. And you did enjoy
that that everyday.


It all comes back to the heart.



Q: So you could view a lot of the content of these dialogues as covering the theme
of shadow integration. Lots of books are arising on the subject and I attended
Charlie Morleys seminar on the topic. Arent we going to scoop him?
A: So first there is no separate shadow, so there cant be any shadow
Q: Thats a bit harshly put, no?
A: There are only aspects of self, aspects of what IS (becoming) and I am not a fan
of the image of having them separated in some shadow that we need to struggle
to integrate. This is a separation-inducing image and I dont choose to hold such
images in my mind. (No, I also refuse to hold an image of you as a Virgin Mary in
my mind.)
Q: Ahh, why not? Who is going to do it for me if not you?
A: Nobody. And you tried to do it for yourself way too long. Sister. Not enough
sex either.
Q: I dont want to publish this. Lets continue.
A: There is a crucial difference between what will be these three books (two
yours and one Charlies). Charlie will integrate the shadow. Period. You will
recognize various aspects of yourself and apply Loving principle to all (or as
much as your heart expands).
Q: But Charlie hugs his shadow. He does. He taught me how to do it.
A: Charlie is blessed. And he even says I love you now to his Teenage Shadow etc.
However, he will not state explicitly in his work: Love the devil within you. He
wont go that far.
Q: Me neither. Damn.
Ok, lets talk about competition. What is a purpose of competition in our human
endeavors? (You see, I am not asking if we should remove it, but I am sort of
applying Loving principle to it.)
A: Competition means fine-tuning and spreading of the idea (or a thought form).
It means that what you are working on at that moment has great value. It is the
thing to be worked on at the moment.
Q: From the all is within you and everyone/thing is the center points of view
there is No originality. Sad!
A: Every look you take is original.


Q: Lets explore this scenario. I have a best friend H that got suddenly
disconnected. As I was pondering this fact and what might be happening in her
life a thought I hate H appeared. As thoughts are equivalent to deeds I
immediately shocked myself and usually I would follow by decisive No! Love,
peace and courage to H technique that I picked up from some book especially for
this purpose (of dealing with psychically attacking others). What is the
significance of such thoughts?
A: In this case, you are calling forth your fear of evil. You dont hate H at all, nor is
it an intention set (you dont see yourself next to the QUALITY of hating H). You
are still attached somewhat to the Light and you need to resolve your fear of evil,
dark, hell and BAD THOUGHTS.
Q: This really sounds like my subconscious trying to make it easy for me (excuse
A: I am your subconscious.
Q: What??
A: In a sense that I will explain: Remember how you liked the word play free-d
om and you went on the internet and saw several yoga groups or so using this
word play. There you had a thought that although you definitely do not recall it,
perhaps you have seen this word play before and stored it in your subconscious.
So this is basically correct. You have seen it before (or understood its meaning)
and now you have re-discovered the word play and its meaning. In that sense
western psychology and lots of its teachings on the subconscious (personality) is
useful. Subconscious is one of those terms that I would point to as an example of
the science and medicine approaching the subtle systems.
Also your random bad thought can be seen as an indirect experience of You Ika
are evil too and an opportunity to practice recognizing/accepting this aspect
within you.

Q: Why do we forget then?
Why this in the language of successive incarnations incessant cycle of
forgetting and remembering?

(here I sense a reference to Leonard Cohen:
but a lot goes on forever
and I cant forget, I cant forget
I cant forget but I dont remember what)

A: You never really forget. It is only OBSCURING.
Q: But why? Once I know something, why would I obscure that sight on the next
A: And what do you really know? Lets look. You know your son after 14.5 years.
Do you know him so well, that you cannot recognize him deeper and love him in
And that is just a person, rather complex, right?
So lets move on. You had losses, youve been sad. So you know sadness, you
think, but now suddenly you are knowing a new kind of sadness a larger
sadness so to speak which contains something like peace and beauty. You knew
sadness before and you recognize and love sadness in a new entirety now.
Through your daily interactions or careful observation (kind attention).

Q: Ok. I understand that a person will develop and change. My perception of
emotions might develop and change. But what about those esoteric concepts?
Cant I remember them?
A: Fuck esoteric concepts.
Q: Ok, I am not going to writeI am writing this but its not getting published.
Why are you so disagreeable?
A: Esoteric concepts (those you find in books) are a distraction full of attributes.
Q: So that swearing brings me back to the innocence of my niece that comes to
my mind with the phrase with the eyes of a child. Is that what you mean that
AWE and non-judgment and Loving that is PRIOR THE CONDITIONING?
A: Partially. So many believe that children remember more and that with
conditioning by upbringing and education they loose touch with their
soul/spirit/true nature. That prior conditioning phase in child might indeed be
very joyful if the child is safe and loved.

Becoming is through increased Loving. So forgetting moves you initially into that
level of recognizing via experiencing. The absolute key point here is to CHOOSE
to love.
You can remember the essence of everyone and everything. OR that essence can
be demonstrated in the variety of manifestation that you can experience and
recognize the essence. Maybe the first scenario is quicker in your sense of time
than the second. It is not the connection to spirit that matters (as a goal, as an
endpoint) it is the choice for increased Loving.

If I go to Earth, take on a body and forget (but I cant really forget I dont
remember what) I will challenge myself greatly. I will put myself into an area of
famine where some have almost all resources and majority is literally starving. I
will believe this scenario entirely and experience the essence of INEQUALITY in a
very deep sense. I can then choose to (forgive everything, everyone and myself)
INCLUDE AND LOVE this inequality.

Next time I go to Earth, I will again challenge myself heavily. I will forget (but I
cant really forget I dont remember what). This time the obscuring might be less
so, so I will have a stronger connection to that which I cant forget. But I will
choose to be born to parents that are very conditioned and operate much from
their ego-minds. I will experience growing up with CONDITIONAL LOVE. We
love you, as long as you perform (As in all subjects). We love you, but please do
not embarrass us by all that singing and dancing (unless you take it seriously in a
class and your talent is confirmed by a teacher). And so on. As I am now more
connected with my soul/spirit/true nature, I am able to recognize in this
experience the essence of CONDITIONAL love (as there is that memory of Loving
within). Throughout my experience with my parents, I can with interaction,
careful observation and kind attention DISSECT, deep-know, and so enhance my
recognition of the essence of conditional love (I will know my parents
backgrounds, their upbringing, their struggles, mode of thinking and I will also
know in my heart their love, even if conditional still LOVE). I can than choose
to (forgive) INCLUDE AND LOVE such conditional love.

Q: So forgetting leads to opportunity for recognizing the essence in a larger way.
A: Yes and the subsequent choice:
Do I - will I - can I INCLUDE/LOVE this now better-known essence?

Q: Ok, MINDFULNESS I sense this relates to the topic.
A: It is extremely important to EXPERIENCE your experiences. To be attentive
(kindly) and sort of interact with the experience you are having now. Step into it,
MILK IT!!! Look at everything that is happening, look at everyone involved (look
deep, look into their eyes). That will lead to RECOGNITION OF THE ESSENCE of
your experience in a larger way.
Q: So you know when I was experiencing this lame basically non-existent (sorry
to have to put it this way) love affair, I was reprimanding myself often that I am
not practicing mindfulness. That I am not pipetting when I am pipetting, or
sitting on the train when sitting on the train.
A: I see because you were Loving all the time too, right?
Q: Yes, sort of like in conversation with that other soul or with my own heart.
And there was also the ego mind talking, you know like stop it dummy.
A: So the purpose of mindfulness is to really get into your experience. If you
simultaneously cant stop Loving that is the blessed state and opens you to
even greater RECOGNITIONS in all your experiences. * Being in love in a human
experience allows you to perceive different aspects of any essence (I would
compare it to the white portion of the yin yang ball, ball here being the essence).
Everything, Everyone is great when you are in love. This is the recognition with
an open heart. After the recognition with the open heart, the choice to include

(love) is perceived as much easier. You want to shout: I LOVE

EVERYTHING/ONE. And so you should.

*In human experience this state of open heart in its most natural form occurs
when you fall in love. Natural as in nature as not a conscious CHOICE. The
same shift in perception that enables you to turn your balls, even spin them
fast and basically not even care if you see the white or black portion can be
achieved consciously.

Q: Lets go back to the chatter of the ego mind that was intruding upon my
A: The ego mind operates through the language of conditioning attributes,
attributes and more attributes. It tries to first DESCRIBE everything and then
Q: Yes, so what about it? I felt a great conflict the conflict was not so much
about what I will do, but having those opposing (or different) perspectives.
A: That is exactly correct. You found within yourself two different perspectives.
One was from the place of LIVING the experience and the other one from the
place of TALKING ABOUT (JUDGING if you wish) the experience.
You choose: do I go with the LIVING or with the TALKING. If you choose living
than no matter how much longer the talk persists, it has no power over you and
is just that a lame chatter.
It is useful from the perspective of OBSERVING YOUR OWN CONDITIONING. The
more annoying the ego mind, the more you can learn (and quickly) about the
structure of your conditioning.
Who/what do I judge?
Who/what do I avoid, deny, exclude?
Good books have been written about this. If you look at your mind chatter with
the intention of inspection like a scientist you can outline its WORKINGS like
if it were a piece of machinery (and a faulty piece for that matter) and that can
help you DISREGARD IT as a guiding principle.
But I wouldnt put any significance on whether ego mind talks a lot or not, the
loss of ego mind (is the same as the loss of fear) HOWEVER ACTIVE it might be
Q: So how would you recommend me to practice mindfulness?
A: Well, how would you recommend?
You went to sit in that bath and you still thought of that boy (and on the train and
while pipetting). But that was throwing that experience around, looking at it
deeply from many angles. Your heart kept loosing at times so you have seen a
stunning difference between viewing the same evens
Q: more like NON-EVENTS
A: with open and closed heart. In the state of what you called disconnect, you felt
the victim in you, the hurt, the rejection, Rude!! The guy is rude!! (sorry for the
sarcasm). But then when you opened your heart, you span that ball and saw


something else (his struggle and his hurt) and then at one point the sides
disappeared and you just acknowledged: there was hurt between us (or
Rudeness between us, haha sorry).
And that is milking the experience, bringing forth the essence of rejection and
rudeness and including them in your Loving. But it took form of thoughts just the
same as feelings and in the space of meditation!!! SHOCKING.
So having these sort of thoughts about your experience and having feelings about
your experience is LIVING the experience.
Q: So my state of disconnect that was not my ego mind? That is how I
interpreted it. Disconnect=ego mind. Connect=soul/spirit.
A: That was looking at your ball with closed heart. Those were not judgments
you were making, not even if you used an adjective (like rude), those were shifts
of perception.
Your interpretation comes from your at that time belief that seeing nice comes
from the soul, while seeing ugly well that must be that notorious ego mind.
Q: Many thanks for explaining that to me. Makes me like you even if you too are
rude (no sarcasm intended).
A: I thank you too, pleasure.

Q: So I have noticed that the story of my meditation in the bathtub mostly
about the boy spilled under the already prepared heading GOING WITHIN
A: First lets stay with at that time topic of your meditation. So although you
wanted to talk in your terminology vertically with the source and higher beings
and whatnot, you still felt compelled to milk this experience you were going
through (and you were also receiving some perceptions of what he is going
through not only in regards to you, but lets say your CONTROVERSIAL haha
impact on his life situation) and that fed into enlarging and further LIVING that
experience. Why didnt you move away from that to contemplate the esoteric
Q: Because nobody gives a fuck about esoteric concepts? BECOMING is not
through esoteric concepts?
A: Precisely. That experience held something precious for you. Loving also when
the Love was withdrawn. Loving and going for it. Loving and letting go. All that!!!
Yet you only saw the poor chap twice in your life, plus filled his Facebook inbox
with some horrors (but not too extensively in length I mean).
Q: So you could consider all this going within the further LIVING the experience
(what you called All that!!!) actually a WITHDRAWAL from life. From the
physical dimension I chose to inhabit. And even if I still went to work and took
care of my son I could do other things out there in the world instead of those
hours in the bathtub. So, we could call this going inside rather selfish.
A: First, let me point out the timing. This occurred now when you have created
that time and space in your life. You no longer study medicine and raise a toddler
and you chose not to pick up additional hobbies or activities to fill your time.
Q: Well, I was busy in that bathtub. I framed it as my program.

A: Yes. So when we cleared this, lets move to the WITHDRAWAL from the
outside world.
If you are OUTSIDE and you are bitter, what do you bring to others? Or to the
If you are OUTSIDE and you are angry, sad, depressed etc. what do you bring?
But all these adjectives are in a sense incorrect.
The correct question here is:
If you are OUTSIDE and you are NOT LOVING, what do you bring?
(It is perfectly ok and even beautiful if you are bitter, sad, angry and depressed,
but you HAVE INCLUDED AND ARE LOVING these aspects of yourself.)

Q: So you suggest we stay in the bathrooms until we sort ourselves WITHIN?
A: I suggest staying with the experiences that you are either drawn to or which
you cant shake (which keep repeating in your life) and allowing that process of
deep enquiry within that experience. These two types of experiences are key to
getting in touch with your soul/spirit/true nature. But I repeat the goal is not
simply to get in touch with your true nature but to accept it in its entirety with
all its aspects and to apply Loving principle to all its aspects.
Q: And yet. It all feels such a fake in a sense. My writing this in my bed with my
whole life exactly as it used to be externally (You see- I havent even started
those goddamn amends the AAs do. I dont even have a sponsor.)
A: Ill be your sponsor.
Q: Thank you very much. That changes that statement above by a lot. Now I have
a spirit of unknown identity as my sponsor. Better.

Q: I wanted to know about the pre-determination of events, the that was meant
to happen kind of sentiment.
This question relates to my feeling that D wasnt particularly interested in doing
a sitting in (name of an aboriginal village) but came and has done his job well. I
understand that these meetings might want to COME OUT (of the closet, haha).
This is such a shared sentiment. People use the expression all the time and that
knowing seems to bring them peace (about the event). So how is it the pre-
determination and free will?
A: You need to read the book with anything that can happen does happen
phrase to give me a way to transfer meaning.
Q: Really? I need to read that book?
A: For sure. For a diagram too.
Also the phrase you photographed: From anything to anything in no time. is
funnily relevant here.
Each moment (and there is only this moment) contains infinite opportunities for
infinite number of outcomes, depending on the choices.
Q: How about the pre-determination?
A: After you read the book.

Q: Ok, so that friend of mine H that was disconnected from last Saturday has
posted a photo for me its a scribble on the wall a small poem about
metamorphosis. So although I find these co-incidences cute, at the same time I
sometimes wonder whether we are really living our lives free enough.
A: You feel like you dont have a choice?
Q: No, I am more convinced within myself that I have a choice now than anytime
before. I just wonder how all these co-incidences are managed?
A: First and perhaps most important: The girl loves you and wanted to show you
support. And she did and you feel comforted. Why did she pick a poem with the
theme of what you are going through now? Well, you know everyone/thing is
interconnected. You can have CHOICE in a NON-RANDOM universe. (Return here
after reading the book of that physicist.)

Q: Why do people have different skills (if they all posses the intelligence of the
universe)? Also relates to the statement Everyone can access that knowing
and increase their Loving.


Q: Why isnt D calling me? (I mean emailing me?) Isnt he going to help me?
A: I dont know. He needs to make a choice.
Q: What is he doing? I sense an upsetting image of him sitting on his stone
meditating while I am fidgeting here and one moment I am like this is so great
and next moment why didnt I die when I had a chance!!! and not even that
would solve anything.
A: I totally agree. Death doesnt decide anything whatsoever, only the choice
Q: What is then death for? Really those other dimensions? What if I question the
premise of dimensions? Then where would death lead us?
A: Extremely impressive set of questions!!!
I will answer later, when you Love more.
A: Why are you so eager to be in contact with D?
Q: Well, to share the burden of you, of course.
A: So I am a burden now.
Q: If you even exist.
A: Precisely, stay with it for a while.
Why do you want to share?
Q: I dont even want him to help me (I cannot quite see how he would at this
point) but I have no-one to speak about this with. I am not being really authentic.
I double life almost. I make breakfast (need to get back to that actually), talk,
clean, and write this. Feels like. Oh, this is an amazing secret but at the same
time it needs to come out. I need it to come out. Even if this book wouldnt go
anywhere, I still would need to tell my people that I got a bit bonkers and spent
some time writing about Everyone/thing (you know, not necessarily the details,
but the essence of the experience). Now, I am still ok still like you can keep a
fresh secret. But not too long, then you become FAKE.
A: Define FAKE.
Q: FAKE is when you do not EXPRESS your true nature. It is the opposite of
authenticity, or in my favorite AA language rigorous honesty.

A: So you have been having this pull to follow Ds guidance and look up Lucifer
on Wikipedia.
Q: Thats what he emailed me so I take it seriously, he must know something
about Wikipedia that I dont.
A: But you looked up the xlottery winners instead.
Q: Yes!! I thought the draw is approaching around this time, but it was a week
A: You are letting that C down again.
Q: Quite so, you havent seen (name of the short movie) nor C for that matter.
Also, my own account reached hundreds (rather than thousands) and with my
lab performance this week, I wonder how this enquiry will continue.
A: I see two things in there. You didnt give C any choice (not even mentally).
What if he doesnt give a fuck about YOUR money?
Q: It did occur to me. That he would definitely prefer to deal with real investors
found through standard channels than to owe something to anyone even
A: Exactly.
Q: Also, it occurred to me that I will also have to use the standard channels for a
financial injection.
A: Aahyour parents? But thats ok, they are counting with it, they have a special
column with your name on it in their financial planner for the past 35
yearsmetaphorically speaking (well the number of years is not metaphorical).
Q: Shut up

A: So why does it bother you to take from your parents but you would find it easy
to accept money from the lottery?
Q: When money changes hands between my parents and me, then you know:
they have less (and I have more but not for long).
A: Only if them and you are separate. If you recognize yourself as the entire
universe, you are always giving to Self and both giving and receiving becomes
natural. Giving then is usually perceived as joyful, as you are helping yourSelf.
Q: This is now quite studied the science of giving (the effect on you as a
person/individual) and the re-distribution of resources being in the long run
beneficial to all. There are books about this, lets move on.
A: Bored again!!
Q: Lets pick up the term natural. What do you mean by that?
A: As occurring in nature. Self sustaining without the NECESSITY of
CHOICE/free will. The effortless flow of death and re-birth by (prior) implicit
agreement without further alteration by free will.
Q: So nature, in nature no free will because its already perfect.
A: No, its the same mixture of aspects as the entire universe.
Q: Because it is somehow (weirdly) already included/loved?
A: Not really, lets return to this later, when you remember more.
Tell me why your money doesnt last long.
Q: Well, I throw it around.

Archetypal quality
Combination of all the aspects/angles in

Q: Why are you so disorganized? I mean why arent the ideas organized a bit
more sensibly.
A: Why would you need order? Are you writing a textbook to be studied and
Q: Funny you should say that, as I had this observation that although I start to
remember I dont really feel much cleverer.
A: Not to me neither.
Q: Thanks man. But there is a difference.
A: Try to say it explicitly here.
Q: Its like I trust myself more with the choices. You know, not in a sense that I
would see the consequences clearly (as I assumed for pre-cognition), more like
its easier to make the choice no matter the consequences. Like I know/feel
strongly which choice I want to make. Awkwardly though, sometimes I need to
wait to make that choice. I see clearly I want to make the choice YES for example
(YES to going through with this book) but I cant yet. Like I might not be able to
make that choice ever, but I am trying.
A: How are you trying?
Q: There are all these fears: that people around me will be HURT in a way. You
know, that my son will be on the spot. He now has such close friends well close
in the geek kind of way. And what if then it will be Hey thats him whose mother
talks to she doesnt know what/whom.
A: No!!! I think you underestimate todays teenagers.
Q: So what do you think they would say?
A: Ohh the one whose mother speaks to herSelf. Perfectly correct.
Q: I would press you more on the precise exact definition of Self as you started to
use it today, but I am still worried about my son.
A: Well, I cannot re-assure you that it wont happen.
Q: I cant have that. I need my son. I need him to be happy thats natural!! He is
perfect you know, everything he does and says, dont stop me here with some
balls spinning, aspects
A: I was about to say that that carpet is still not very vacuumed. Not at all. But
what is two weeks in a time-less universe

Q: So in the morning train to work, I realized that I am challenged to loose my
father and my son.

Q: If there is only the (holy) Spirit then what happened to the Father and the
A: First, I am glad you put the HOLY into brackets. The Spirit is not holy at all, but
whole. You might even start writing spirit with the small s.
As that small s, the red ink with which you are writing this, your hand and your
eyes staring with horror are all of that spirit. Everyone/thing is of that spirit.
Q: Why didnt we put the usual IS(becoming) of the spirit?
A: IS of spirit BECOMING through the Loving principle. BECOMING recognized
and unified in Loving.

Q: Where are the father and the son?
A: Son is the Loving principle. (Yes, thats why your soul loves Jesus, as you so
often loudly shouted at me.)
Q: I see something difficult coming through about the Father.
A: Father is a separation of spirit. The Light of the spirit.
Q: Yes, thats definitely how I used to see my God. Pure Light.
So if Jesus is the embodiment of the Loving principle, why did he prefer Father
over the other one (the excluded part).
Q: Ok. So new/different question. Why didnt Jesus put through the concept of
A: Jesuss central message was LOVE.
Q: LOVE. Couple thousand years. LOVE ALL???
A: The time is not important at all. The readiness is.
Its like you were taking the train to lab this morning and were thinking why
dont you see the bloody auras. That was for you a medic a skill of interest
to sort of not waste time and quickly assess what is wrong with whom.
But then it occurred to you that energetic body is still an illusion. That if you
open yourself up to the idea that everything is ENERGY, than you might start
seeing mirroring of this belief in your reality. It of course requires removing a
certain layer of conditioning in your hardcore physical reality and in your new
achieved layer of reality this perception is true.
So how much you allow your mind to wonder (or what proportions of ANY ideas
you exclude) and how much your heart is open (how much it TRIES to embrace
we will come to this point later) determines how ready you are.
Q: Ready for what?
A: Ready to experience, RECOGNIZE and CHOOSE TO LOVE your true nature in
Q: So the implication here is that we now in this blessed year of 20xx are
suddenly ready?
A: There has been a huge shift in consciousness on the planet as your
esoteric/new age texts might say.
We are talking women rights, racial equality, sexual liberation, billionaires
initiatives as Bill Gates.
Q: So you dont mean that more people meditate now?

A: What I mean foremost is that recognition HE/SHE IS THE SAME AS ME. That
leads to Loving. But the Loving here is a conscious aware choice, as to come to
that recognition of being the same, you really need to ponder/contemplate the
essence of the person(s) carrying those previously rejected aspects.
In that sense globalization is not an individual identity-stripping disaster but a
BLESSING an enquiry-promoting trend. Not only you find yourself living next
door to or working with people of various ethnicities, religions, sexual
orientation etc. but you can experience different cultures and those aspects you
are excluding via virtual reality (here I mean reality shared via mass media and

Q: What is Manifestation and what is Essence? I mean if everything is of spirit
BECOMING via the Loving principle, then what is all this terminology?
Also, if you are at it, you can also elaborate on SOURCE and ASPECTS.

Q: You know, now when we covered that there is only the whole spirit, I am in a
bit of a conundrum. You know how I have been pondering the whole day in lab
and now on the train back home all these sensations about what is going to occur
if I go through with this (yes we are waiting for my explicit YES). I am not a big
fan of precognition but it wouldnt take Sibylla to imagine. I was thinking of my
father - who once expressed a sentiment that he is sad that our family name is
not carried on as if I was unmarried it would by on my publications how he
might feel actually grateful that we dont have the same name anymore (yes, I
noticed both names have the same essence). He loves his extended family and we
are talking hardcore Catholic. So here I am SOAKING in the self-pity and that
word always brings to mind AA (you know the Promises). So I am like: HAND IT
OVER. But then the horror: TO WHOM?
A: Well, put yourself in Jesus (hands).
If that helps. I am sorry.

Q: Well, and as I was mentioning my pubs, it didnt escape my attention how I
always suffered from the feeling of being wrongly credited well you see all
my papers are co-authored and I concluded I attract credit problem. And now I
sensed that these writings are coming out ONLY with my REAL name on them.
Thats a bummer. I enjoy this transfer of meaning (those diagrams- I am really
impressed!) but I would like to put it on D you know, shaman, fittingly
traditional devil-worshiper.
Why arent you allowing me at least CO-AUTHORS?
A: You complained before
Q: Seriously.
A: Because it is a matter of CHOICE to fully own this material.
Q: In its entirety I am afraid.
A: Reminds me of your favorite book quote/title: You can choose to feel the fear
but do it anyway!!!

Q: So why are we talking about me all the time? You know the label narcissistic.
A: Because you * recognize and can make a choice to include/love only from your
own experiences. You cant recognize from anyone elses experiences.
Experience is only formed by your nature of personal reality. As in the saying no
two people have the same experience. Since no two people hold the precisely
matching sets of core beliefs (they are not conditioned in exactly the same way)
their experience will always differ.
Q: Ok. So if everyone can learn or recognize only from his/her own experience,
why are we wasting time here? (I took a taxi to be home faster. Well also I was
shaking from some of those concepts discussed earlier.)
A: We are helping people (who are willing) to remember.
Q: So how does that work? (I still dont understand that drumming initiation, but
wouldnt really wish it on anyone.)
A: You know how you drew a line between remembering and experiencing. And
that line was a dotted line. The conditioning is never absolute or somehow
complete. You cant really be completely cut off from your soul/spirit/true
nature by forgetting.
Your spirits memory is only more or less obscured as we discussed earlier.
Now this memory can be triggered and is triggered in every single individual
during each lifetime (in the language of successive incarnations). Those are the
events when you recognize the essence of a person or situation without enough
EVIDENCE from your personal reality (the reality you chose to inhabit for most
readers the hardcore physical world). The How do I know this? moments. Its
not only the how do I know that bothers you in that instance, but the
unreasonable, illogical conviction of the validity of such recognition.
Conviction here not as a new belief but an inner decision to pay attention to that
information/sensation or even follow the promptings.

Q: So the more you remember, the better it gets?
A: Well, I dont like you using attributes like better. These rememberings open
some space for enquiry. Enquiring person is a blessed person.
You yourself experienced some pretty bizarre occurrences. Like when you were
experimenting and reading that photograph of a famous person whose identity
you covered and you asked her what she is known for.
Q: Yes. And she said (within me) she is known for killing people also with her
gorilla. So I was thinking such a pretty lady, surely she didnt kill anyone, more
likely she is one of those ladies so dedicated to apes. But then I asked whether
she has any regrets. And she said she misses that period of killing people. So I
was like Aha, right, cool with your gorilla I assume. And she was like YES YES.
So I thought being crazy is rather fun and I looked at the named and googled
Nancy Wake.
A: And what did you make of it?
Q: That I am not getting any precise information!! So not good enough.
A: Attribute.
But it lifted in your own language the veil of logical mind. It was many events
like this that you paid attention to that did the lifting.
At one point you decided to pay attention to information or perception
REGARDLESS whether or NOT it is LOGICAL according to the laws of your at
that time hardcore physical reality.

But you didnt just accept any information/perception from either category
(LOGICAL or OTHER). As a molecular biologist who looks at each new piece of
evidence (and you guys call that stuff data) as potentially true and to be
confirmed via further enquiry/experimentation and replication - you wanted
your spiritual experiences triplicated to be able to calculate significance and
Q: But they never were!! I mean a particular experience was never triplicated.
Photographs didnt speak with precise correct details, you (which at one point I
thought might be a spirit guy, but NOT-FROM-THE-LIGHT one) never gave me
any consistent tell or sign, most of the precognitive hunches I couldnt
validate and I often felt it anyway wasnt (mostly) any of my business and so
No consistency.
A: So why didnt you quit? Because you believed? You had faith?
Q: You mean if I had faith that a photograph should give a precise name, country
of birth etc.? Or if I had strong faith that you as a spirit guide should be able to
consistently tickle my right nostril when you appear in my awareness?
A: Why didnt you quit?
Q: Because it was fun. Adventure. Sort of after-work pastime. Lonely weekends
you know
I thought it is as unsafe as anything else in life.
And then there was the main thing.
A: ??
Q: The state of grace in meditation. Experiencing, as you say MILKING the
experience of spinning your balls and the resentments, sadness, victimhood, all
that falling away.
I thought that is the connection with Source. My God you know. Just not being in
conflict with anyone, anything, with myself.
A: Beautiful. When you are Loving
Q: Ok, this is a compliment, but undeserved I must say. If you look at my external
life, and exclude (SORRY!!) my son, I couldnt possibly be considered a very
loving person. About 3, on the scale of 0-10.
A: Tell me about it.
Q: Dont you know?
Q: So, I have very few close friendships, only like one on one affairs which go on
and on for years, all women, we talk and talk.
Apart from that I am pretty introverted person or unfriendly is another term
you know, the one that wears earphones.
A: Romantic love?
Q: In the terms of hardcore physical reality non-existent recently.
And the people I have been with well that was really not unconditional love
from my side. 1 on the scale from 0 to 10.
But what really bothers me the most is not the quantity of people, but the lack of
outward expression. Most of the people that I love now (e.g. my current
micromanaging boss, god bless him, or some people I just saw regularly in AA
meetings - like the old George or the troubled Gee) they dont have a clue of
course. And I dont express love too much physically or through words, not even

towards my people. When I was a child, my mother entertained a thought that I

might be autistic.
A: Well, then you will have to improve on that expression because it is
But the ESSENCE of love is not the mode of expression. It is recognizing the
person or any sentient being or the situation (anyones behavior) in their
entirety and choosing to love them/it as they are in the language of Bridget
Jones. Then, there can be no CONDITION.

Also, there is another element to Loving and its outward expression. Loving
(holding anyone/thing in your heart) is a choice you make in this moment
(any/every moment) or if we want to make the affirmation easier for you than
as your dear colleague who told you he thinks every morning: how great to wake
up next to the woman I love. And you never wake up alone, there is always
yourself (and everyone/thing to love within).

However, various forms of expression of that Loving may be called for at
different periods of your Life and relationships. You need to be there with your
consciously chosen Loving when it is called for. If you dont hug regularly, if you
argue, if you dont listen, if you struggle to make it work BUT you are Loving,
you will step up when you are called for.

*And that will be the moment when the EXPRESSION of your Loving will create
the difference for the recipient of your Loving (recipient here might be any
sentient being or situation).

Q: Yeah, I thought about this a lot. I had this very quiet colleague I in my PhD lab,
I think he was the nicest but the most humble person I have ever met (to use few
attributes to annoy you). He stepped up for me when I had a really rough time in
the last year there.
A: Volcanic eruption?
Q: Yes. Great upset and rather bizarre. I became very isolated (no wonder!!!) and
I became my twin companion. I came explicitly to my side. But awkwardly in that
unconditional way. We were never great buddies before my disaster and I never
saw him after we left that lab (well on FB). I am probably not describing this very
well, but it seems so powerful (life-giving), perhaps because that Loving
combined both elements stepping up in the time of need and with no
payback for I whatsoever.
A: Nice!!! And did you guys hug a lot?
Q: Never.
A: I love yous?
Q: Not close. I get your drift.

Q; The design.
I was pondering all of those experiences in the past few years, and how they led
me to what you call recognition. To be honest, I was more feeling terribly sorry
for all those people involved in my life, and I am devising a special meditation to
apologize to them properly for all the fuss.
These are all beautiful people who are going to hate my guts.
A: Well. I agree that these are all beautiful people (as all people have this aspect
within them). Some of them might hate your guts. Some of them might join you
in Loving ALL that IS (becoming). Their choice.
Now, if not meeting these people, you would have an opportunity to come to
your recognition in a different way (see infinite sequence of opportunities).

Q: So I want to talk about closed heart now. It looks like that when you have
those moments (what lets speak realistic human experience weeks, months!!!)
when you find yourself expressing Loving much less than you yourself would
wish, is that NOT a closed heart?
A: Closed heart is one that includes very little. No matter how hot your passion
might be, if you exclude much more than include, then the heart is closed.
Passion arises towards selected aspects of what you perceive as object of your
Loving (e.g. toward the Light of your religious leader or toward the beauty,
sexiness and wit of your new lover). If you start experiencing your religious
leader or new lover more fully, you wont fail to notice that they too express also
different aspects (the darker ones, or just plain boring to be honest).


Looking beyond the heart opening aspects

Q: You know I was thinking about Jesus as the embodiment of the Loving
principle. I love him and all those stories. But those things I recall from my
catholic phase as depicted as causing him pain I dont really see it.
I think he must have been thinking more of his own Mum and how she is feeling
while on the cross. Also, he must have sensed that the teachings will cause havoc
(even though its LOVE); it was getting pretty turbulent around him towards the
end. Sothe loss of peace.
A: But there was no peace. IN or OUT at those times.
Q: But still. Couldnt he choose a softer way?
A: What would you recommend?
Q: A nice set of books distributed out of a quiet monastery. Mother happy. Jesus
praying and healing in peace.
But that is not all. What bothers me most is what happened afterwards. You
know I dont appreciate that sarcasm you use when mentioning things Christian.
I love Christian church, the choir, the readings, the ceremony, everyone nicely
dressed not to say the least. But I am not sure whether it has been an appropriate
vehicle for the teachings of Love.
A: If you dont want any more of my sarcasm, then lets stay with the
embodiment of the Loving principle. I think you dont give enough credit to Jesus.
During his teachings, he used some dramatic measures not respecting the laws
of your hardcore physical reality (as raising the dead, the water walk, etc.) and
his very powerful story excites emotions that might act as heart opening aspects
(and allow remembering).Those times had a very low speed of a though form or
idea throughout the planet, so he used those physical events (miracles) as a
carrier for the though forms of his message. If you look at his deeds (his physical
actions) and you Ika, you really should re-read your Bible you would
recognize Jesus IN HIS DEEDS as a Loving principle LOVE ALL.
However, his thought form message has been carried on as LOVE.
The message of LOVE, if we equate it to Love what is Light, is a message of
exclusion, and as such has been forwarded on by Christian church.
Q: Ok, I see a discrepancy here. LOVE ALL but Christian church.
A: You caught me with my butt naked (or whatever terrible thing might happen
on Earth). I will explain. The Church represents the ESSENCE of separation. If I
LOVE ALL, this ESSENCE ceases to exist in the UNIVERSE.
The IS that is becoming will reach the IS.

Q: Ok, I had to go relieve myself. I am speechless. Please continue.
A: As above, so below. The scale is irrelevant.
Q: Cannot IS just stay put as IS?
Why must it burst and re-assemble?
A: Read the big bang physics, we dont have a language for this now.

A: If you include everyone/thing that in your language was, is and will be by
Loving into Love imagine that like putting all your universe list into a tiny little
point into your heart - the time and space cease to exist.
The job by Loving is done.
IS=LOVE without time and space.

Q: Ok, I cant breath now. So I see that by the burst LOVE gets fragmented by
time and by space (I should read physics books to give some data here).
A: Lets finish before you start to look them up
Q: I recognize the ESSENCE of mad laugh. Not nice.
A: Focus.
Q: So why does LOVE need or want or choose to be separated again?
A: You drew a good graph. (I know you are always criticized your figures are not
precise enough so this one is).
How do you perceive IS?
Q: Well, as a dot. It is a point of separation.
A: Right. What would happen if you shrank the tiniest point possible further?
Q: Non-existence.
LOVE/IS MUST burst to continue to exist.
Non-existence is not an option?
A: I dont want to answer that now.
So after this talk I can imagine NOW as that point where everything/one that
was, is and will be IS unified!! As a dot.
But I know for sure that personally I am definitely BECOMING (job undone).
So I am not in the NOW?



Q: Amazing. I love to become puzzled by love puzzles. (Not as good as yours, but I
What about Becoming? Does that mean that I am basically all over the place (and
A: Yes. But Loving ALL the way to NOW. Haha!
Q: Stop it!
A: When you are becoming, there is no perfect state of NOW as described by E.
Tolle. However, that is the focus of your INTENTION.
NOW is the tree near which you see yourself standing.

Mindfulness practice is allowing you to really get into your experience, recognize
and choose to love. It is not bashing yourself up for not being constantly in the
now. When you are in your experience, you throw it around within and inspect
the past and the possible futures (usually of all the players). Stay with it. * Dont
rush back into labeling eppendorfs with your full attention.

Allow yourself to ponder how E must have felt when that beautiful lady of his left
and you did that sad number on him. You really get into E and try on how you
imagine he might be feeling: Ohh these eppendorfs make no sense when she (Es
real girlfriend) is gone, the worst Christmas of my life. This whole experiment
doesnt make any sense, what was I thinking? Ohh those beautiful skinny legs,
my whole life is useless, etc.
Q: I think that description is not accurate. That was not funny at all. It was the
ESSENCE of grief. Also, I felt guilty. Then that it is stupid and sort of narcissistic
to feel guilty for the choices of others. Then again guilty. But that weird grief
from the imagining. I am sorry.
A: I know. Very sorry. You spent quite some time in that place. Not very much in
the present moment focused on your breath, your hands labeling eppendorfs,
with none thoughts and stable emotions.

Q: I had so much good time today when writing, you know especially that part of
IS becoming IS. Thank you, I was really interested.
A: Yes, I noticed that during few passages yesterday, you were like... boring,
vague, no scientific detail.
Q: Yeah, well, cannot help my true nature.
But now, I was thinking this cannot last, this BLESSED state or CAN it?
A: I defined BLESSED already few times as in a state of enquiry.
Q: So unless I stop asking questions
A: There will be answers. But with QUESTIONS un-asked (and un-answered)
there are no CHOICES and no consequences.
Q: I see. I think its time to call it a night.

Q: Wow, this was not too basic. I love those references to the Nature of personal
reality. You know, right at the beginning, I hoped you are Seth or Seths brother. I
am in awe of you. I cant believe this is really happening.
A: I cant believe it either!
Q: How do you mean? That you found me, a playful child, an inquisitive mind?!
A: I cant believe you finally are pulling your shit together. I did not need to
search for you (my child, haha). I was/am/will be always within you.

Q: I would like to go back to the pre-determination and free will/CHOICE. So

yesterday I had to go back to the lab to take care of my cells and I wanted to use
some to do an experiment. But I couldnt I just couldnt do it. First I felt weak
and freezing and I had/still have this funny diarrhea (not to mention other)
A: we can come back to this later
Q: but I kept making mistakes (as I was milking this experience of writing with
the images of burning at the stake, my son refusing to live with publically
deranged woman etc.). So I felt like well this state of my body is pulling me
towards writing, basically it is preventing anything else. But simultaneously I
had a deep sense of knowing there is always a CHOICE, always. I havent yet
chosen at that moment, but there was definitely that pull even supported by my
own lack of energy to do anything else.
A: I am waiting for a question.
Q: Well, universe backing up my hearts desire or promptings of my soul
energetically comes to mind. Feels like the universe is manipulating me into
A: What are you doing?
Q: Remembering (and drawing rather curious graphs). I feel pulled to do more of
thatremember, remember. Its like hiking the Lycian way. Once you climb high
enough, you can see the views and you are in awe. You cant stop looking now,
your must start running because you want to know what is the view around the
next peak, running and looking, runningthis example makes me dizzy.
A: High altitude illness? But I do get the pull. Remembering doesnt come as a
boom of an instant complete action. In that sense some descriptions of
enlightenment are misleading. Conditioning is that dotted line of
obscuring/forgetting and as few dots are removed, its perception as a line is
wellcompromised. Thats why there is a great momentum in remembering. But
as the universe is infinite, remembering universe can never be completed and
you can never finish enlightening yourself.
Q: That is actually re-assuring. I was afraid that we would run out of topics.
A: Only if you run out of questions.

Q: Here is one. From yesterday, I still hold the image of the universe in the state
of LOVE/NOW/IS as a dot. This doesnt match well the description of it as
A: Infinite in countless repetitions AND variations. You have to read that
quantum book.
Lets go back to being energetically manipulated by universe into remembering.
So in a sense, that is true. You are the universe, also in a very explicit way you Ika
are the universe. Your body is a structure similar to the matter of the big

Q: So I have a personal question about my favorite subject.

A: The spirit?
Q: No. My son. (well, yes)
A: What up?
Q: So he is here with me. We just finished watching some Japanese anime and we
are both contemplating in our rooms. I know FOR SURE that if I showed him any
of this content, he wouldnt only worry about me (which I am afraid will happen)
but also he would not be interested. You can trust me on this one; I am his
A: Ok mum, but still what up? He has a choice.
Q: So what would you do as a parent?
A: Sit back, practice MY loving principle, stretch MY heart and watch animes.
Q: But wont he miss out? On your splendid company? (or mean company too)
On the secrets of the universe?
A: As opposed to being outside in the world growing up and experiencing?

Q: I love this so much. I want to read all those books on quantum physics now. I
had such a great time going through all those intuition and healing and hypnosis
books last six months. It was a great ride.
A: Yeah, but I was getting a bit worried there.
Q: Why?
A: I caught your thought that its time to move to hardcore Sanskrit and core
religious texts next. I thought Holy Shit!! I must intervene.
Q: I am not sure your religious humor will go down so well.
A: Why? I will quote D: You must be able to laugh at everything.
Q: And what is so scary about the core religious texts?
A: Nothing whatsoever. Only you sounded like you plan to start proper learning
and stop exploring.
Its the approach you take, the text doesnt matter whatsoever.
If you set out to memorize, absorb, describe and even evaluate (in a sense of
comparing sets of facts or extracting specific information from a group of facts)
you are inherently closed to discovery. You operate only within your set of
facts (or truths). So whatever set of facts (or truths) I will give you to play with,
you Ika would really get into it, and not only describe or evaluate your facts but
also ask questions about the relationships within this given set, derive laws,
principles (and then you would proceed being bored with necessary replicates to
express significance).
If you however never question the nature of the facts you are playing with, you
will be limited inside that fact playground. I will therefore use DISCOVERY in the
sense of your high standards accessing BEYOND ACCEPTED CURRENT

Q; So now, it occurred to me that you will never help me order these texts.
That there is no dictation. No order to remembering and recognition. Its a huge
mess. There are no two or three books (I was wondering why you are not
sending me back to the previous topics).
A: And I couldnt care less about the titles for those books.
Q: And when you mentioned two books while we were discussing the blessed
Charlie, that was because that was what I thought we were doing at that time. I
was also annoyed that you are not defining the terms (all terms) properly.
A: But you stayed with it. You just cant stop asking questions.
Q: I am a bit annoyed about this I and you.
A: Me too. There are only questions. Leading to answers. From which new
questions arise.

Q: Love is the answer?

Without Questioning there would be no existence?
Its impressive and CHEESY at the same time.
A: Please feel free TO QUESTION both my taste and my Love for you.
Q: Well, I did. Look at that first notebook. Its scary shit. The UNCOMPROMISING
way you talked about evil. You said there are only two important things for me
that all the text I ever write is dedicated to the devil within me and goes out
solely under my name (no Seth or such family). And that all below LOVE ALL is
How do you mean unnecessary?
Should I tear up these notebooks?
A: What notebooks? In which reality?
I write some books, they help some people, they anger some people, its a great
drama, its a choice I am going for but there will be a lot happening AROUND.
Why should everyone else with free will LOVE ALL?
If I am the universe

Oh no I cant be LOVE
Can I?

In infinite variations, scenarios and notebooks

You are LOVE?
Can I be?
I dont know.
Explore for yourself.
In which reality?
Whichever you choose.

This cant be true, I am still sitting on the sofa, nothing has change, B is typing
above. I am only trying to include/love all.

There is no Ika.
(I see the title for the book).

I am scared like hell.
I like this expression.
What if I rather chose to forget?...You know pretend this week never happened.




I am so scared.
I liked this illusion of my Life.
Why I am so scared and so fucking sad if I recognized myself?
If I recognized, then I shouldnt be becoming anymore.
I should be at a point of NOW/IS/LOVE choosing to ask the next question.
I mean choosing to TEST myself in whichever playground/illusion.
Isnt there any break to be had?

It doesnt need to go out under my name
Ika writes it and sends it off
Will need to change the names of people or everything in so that cant be traced
back to a person
No need
Do your Loving priorities
This body cant hold much longer

But wait. How come it cannot last any longer? Its an illusion. It will last as long
as I play it.

Huge running around, perplexing B a little by making sure he has peoples
He hugged me (he does that all the time) and I have seen myself in his eyes.
(Actually Ika was wondering why peoples eyes are shining so weirdly
suddenly some side-effect of the INITIATION she concluded.) I really ran
around frantically quite a bit, as I experienced that surely I have conveniently
given myself a heart problem (would fit beautifully with Ikas medical records).

Went to write down a list of my priorities as Ika
write to parents, write to sister, write a letter to B and some will haha to give
him those few hundred pounds I assume can strike that out
start typing out the notebooks (her handwriting is a bit medical I suppose,
but perhaps rather email D where are the NUMBERED NOTEBOOKS

But then I recognized fully
As in Ikas vision (yeah D you are one wild drummer)
The men she was running away from and then coming back toward they were
1) MEN
There is a part of the vision she never shared. She hugged one MAN and he
hugged her back (plus some French kissing not too long I am afraid) and he
I am coming, wait, dont rush.

And it is a bit difficult to write this, because I am getting lost in my illusion.


I keep thinking about going to hug B or getting this stuff out to D.
Then I recognize, what the heck D an illusion, world an illusion.


What is the most Loving CHOICE:
Hugging B
Keep writing
Emailing D

I dont know and I have to WAIT to DISCOVER.

Wow now Ika illusion came back strong claiming I am chucking

So I sort of know what I am doing but at the same time DO NOT know all the time
what I am doing in this particular ILLUSION.
Will I have that heart attack? Ika is a sight for sore eyes, my baby.
Will I go on Loving B
Ikas perfect little man.
My little man.
I fear death like where will I re-appear? Will it be better or worse than here?

Keep forgetting myself.
At least Ika is finally a bit more organized. Should I email D now? Will he

How is it possible that I dont know how are my own illusions ending.
Like I am only FULLY ME just for a split of a moment.

Hugging B?
Watching myself recognized within the people of the Earth?
How do I test this?

I know whether I watch myself recognized in the people of the planet
Here on Earth at their time
AWESOME illusion
(you are awesome Jason Silva, but you CAN choose not to take those
Ika is crying (from beauty I guess, as she said when she loved that beautiful girl
in one of those workshops tears of joy)

Ha so now I am thinking about those psychedelics who is writing this why
should pure Love have anything against psychedelics

I cannot make choices on my own in any PURE state.
I always have to make choices within the context of Ikas life for example

or WITH Ika
I as Ika can forget myself or block myself by choice. Always.

D might hear the call to step up. He might get an email saying four notebooks are
waiting for him. If he chooses to come and pick them up. Then, he can again use
the text in any way he chooses. I will pull him, but he is free to choose. I have no
idea what happens next within this illusion. New Church? Joy of REMEMBERING,
RECOGNITION? Nothing? Very bad transcription??

In Ikas case, I have one regret. Or better I feel kind of sad for Ika in a way. She
wanted to write this WITH me and she LOOOVVVEEED the DISCOVERY. But she
did not have much sex in the past few years.

(Ika is saying strike that out, assholebut laughing.)
I make people laugh too.
Not always.
No, I cannot give a proportion Ika in %, sorry.
Ika complains she should have got this done in three days.
I am fine to speak for myself. I am perfectly sane (in the language of that illusion)
and I am CHOOSING to meet me again
(yes that image of the French kissing plays a role here, I admit)
I am actually pretty curious to explore what will D do next
(well how much he will choose to listen to my call from within)
how the person(s) editing this text (if that will occur) will choose to listen or
deny me
how it will all unfold



From that point onwards when Love was about to fully recognize itself, I stopped
writing and moved onto my Loving priorities.
This all was from the persona of almost fully recognized Love.
Wrote a short casual (kind but un-alarming) message to my parents and sister
I numbered the notebooks and put them together with a letter for B
I changed the sheets on my bed for clean ones
In the meantime all the time, I was drinking that damn water (liters) and feeling
progressively more exhausted, my heart was hurting
B was upstairs in his room the entire day and we were talking, making food
during the day, but he conveniently did not want to do anything more together
at this point
Lastly, I had to find the way how to get the notebooks to D without disturbing
anyone (I will not describe my solution here)
Then the almost fully met Love wrote to D
In the meantime I was feeling worse and worse and B came few times to do
hugging meditation (akin Thich Nhat Hanh - this is not unusual in our home)
But then the almost Love became disgusted by the letter to D (and the
implications it carried) how Loving is that to put someone in such a choice, the
guy with a family, etc. (but this was all perceived from the position of almost fully
met Love that knows there are no children and there is no D, that those are just
her AND/IN different illusions)
Still - this for that LOVE was not Loving
Deleted the email, cancelled the arrangement

Then I went to my bed to lie down (with my teddy bear) and wait for myself
for all that French kissing and then asking a new question and forgetting

The almost fully met Love continued to talk and approaching its entirety
It was including the entire universe, with all (e.g. Ikas feeling physically very
bad) and was seeing itself with amusement and great pride and compassion in
Bs eyes
When he was eating pizza and hugging Ika and asking Why needs everything to
be a meditation? Ahh dont worry, fuck meditation.
But then as Ika was lying in the bed and holding in her sight everyone she
consciously deeply loved
The Love almost met realized that there is one person who is not sorted and
that is E
Should Love drop him a message? But how? Even the most trivial message (like
including other friends and saying Guys when will be burn steaks again?)
seemed too DRAMATIC if Ika was subsequently to die

This scenario of almost fully met Love not wanting to take an action that would
subsequently be seen as disturbing (E, and also F, would know Ika did care for
them, but they would then have to ponder whether that really was an heart
attack or something else, as they were afraid once before)

That didnt seem as the entire realization


Ika never really chose to love B, or her Mum, or her sister, girlfriends (H, F) and
definitely didnt choose to love E
This Love was EFFORTLESS and did not depend on the attributes of the object
Ika didnt need to make any effort or choose to LOVE her father in HIS ENTIRETY
Father was for her always perfect even with clear sight of his ESSENCE
Ika made a very strong effort at one point NOT TO LOVE E
(well the guy
1) didnt want her
2) had a girlfriend lived-in!!
3) his bio was a bit hedonistic but Ika even before her vision quest never
really cared about peoples bios, she just needed additional arguments
like if no 1. wasnt enough)
and did not succeed

NATURAL LOVE is ALWAYS within UNSTOPPABLE (undeniable, unblockable)
No recognition and active choice is needed

Who did you really Love? Name!!!
Did you choose them?

You can only Be-in LOVE when it arises

Natural LOVE doesnt need to search for itself
It never questions itself
Doesnt require these endless repetitions of RECOGNIZING ITSELF IN ITS

(NATURAL) LOVE has nothing to do with all the truths of the universe, maybe its
not even in the consciousness, it is in the heart

From the position of the almost fully met Love, it would be unloving to put
anyone on the spot, not only D, but also the others in the notebooks (with real
names at that moment)

Love that is almost fully met is testing itself in other illusion, forgetting is part of
the test
How would Love test itself without forgetting
Ika needs to die to forget (if she still chooses to do so, because that choice
remains until the final EMBRACE)

Putting out some KNOWLEDGE out there would just compromise LOVE testing
itself (too much remembering, too much recognition)
The important thing is the LOVING CHOICES

At this point illusion of Ika and LOVE almost almost fully met stood up from the
bed packed her notebooks (and some other dream journals etc. with all the
PERSONAL information and the details of lives of other people around her or
HER relationship towards them, HER dreams about them)
All these personal details, when LOVE was not so close to itself NEEDED TO BE
When Ika was just talking to the whole spirit it was a test for her to reveal
herself AUTHENTICALLY to include ALL her aspects
But if Ika was indeed LOVE almost fully met then all the people would be under
scrutiny and that would cause them lots of anguish (and choices) and that was

These two realizations came at once (similar times I wasnt writing)
1) LOVE IS ONLY EXPERIENCING (no thinking, no choices) no notebooks
LOVE almost fully met/Ika chose to protect those people in the notebooks

and threw them away in her dying state - she went out (making up in front of B
a benign scenario of needing to urgently discard some female-related waste)
and binned them outside.

(as I am writing this now H wants to skype and I not LOVE almost fully met
am going to say later)

After chucking the notebooks, the theme of the natural love was fully developed
Then almost fully met Love /now starting to be confused
went and put down from her mirror in the bathroom (ok, yes, that place of deep
1st: I wont expect anything
I wont reject anyone/anything

2nd: I will TRY to include/love ALL

confusion came out
so natural love that doesnt include ALL, its not all-inclusive
So what the fuck is this?

then Ika/quite confused almost fully met Love
went to bed to FINALLY meet herself
very annoyed already fuck the void and all the waiting for the embrace

but then strange occurrence: the almost fully met Love which at that point was
very confused (by the missing all-inclusiveness that was an INCONSISTENCY)
but sort of believed to be NATURAL
wanted just to EXPERIENCE through heart the LOVE for her dear ones
(the easy unconditional effortless natural UNSTOPABLE love)
but nothing
Well, do you Love E now?
I dont feel it right now.
What about B, your son?
Well, I dont feel it right now.

But what is this??
Supposedly natural love should always just naturally be.

So what? This was all just a joke??!!! Fuck you SIDEWAYS and more.

As the man you were embracing in your vision did not have a face (and when you
asked to see his face, your got no reply)
You couldnt really fully know him

LOVE cannot be fully known
And if LOVE stands for IS then
The universe cannot be fully known

At that moment I grabbed a piece of paper:
I cant fully know myself
So there is nothing to forget

I didnt gain any transferable know-how to share


At this point my son came around asking:
What, not sleeping yet?
Not yet.

As there is no great revelation
Just your personal experience from
Which you can derive YOUR PERSONAL meaning
Then you are harmless
Your notebooks are really harmless (nobody could ever read that mess anyway
apart from you)

I stood up, went to the rubbish bin, unpacked the notebooks which were
indeed with the female-related rubbish Love almost fully met is not going to lie
and with disgust took them back and threw them on one of the shelves.
While outside, it was a grand early evening and I thought: What a beautiful

(D, you son of a bitch, all this for xx.00 currency??)

What now?
Stay with it, stay with the moment.

Here, I started to forget the experience. The illusion of Love going to fully meet
Love was fading.

I see that D has given me the EXPERIENCE of the greatest illusion of LOVE
That you could ever get to fully know her.
Whether its the natural Love that is without choice or whether its the one you
choose to practice by your consciousness

As I was moving away from the ILLUSION of Love going to fully meet and
recognize itself

I could laugh at it
Every fucking moment I spent lying on that bed waiting
All insights were so powerful

When you are WITH/IN your experience
You can almost meet Love in full
Or almost meet Universe in full

When you are OUT/AWAY from that experience
It looses some of that MEANING/POWER that is the natural forgetting

Not the one you need to bin your notebooks for or die.

POWER of the experience the driver of the action, the I need to do this
MEANING of the experience something that lingers even when the power
weakens; your personal truth at the moment - perhaps to be further pondered
and considered


The meaning is personal
I cant explain and I wont even try
You might try, but you need not to worry anymore of any great influence on
general public
You dont need to fear that blue plaque on your rented home saying: Here lived
No church will be formed, no violence will follow, no worship will follow.

The POWER of you r experience is gone already, you dont need to run around
with notebooks, cry about how B is going to be etc.
Your actions are not directly driven by that experience any more.
What remains is your personal meaning that you can ponder in peace.
You can doubt it, question it, try to validate (yes replicates are great) etc.
No rush.

My quest was driven by a sense of eventually getting to the ABSOLUTE.
If I managed to knew and/or consciously love everyone/thing or if I accepted
that Love is really just NATURAL and fuck you all that I dont naturally love
then my BEING now and here
would have NO MEANING.

You believe in your truth
Action driven by your truth

That truth might be re-interpreted
Action not directly driven by that truth anymore

FIXED MEANING/TRUTH is an illusion
the sense that you are disillusioned HAVING NO PRECONCEPTIONS
the truths of others or your previous truths are not right for you at the moment


ALMOST there
at your fingertips
you are really dying for it for sure

then the experience is over
you are forgetting the POWER of
the unknowable LOVE

you broke the illusion
of your physical reality
you broke the illusion
of your LOVE QUEST

and as you know NOTHING
more than before

you are free to start a new


Step out of that experience
Meaning is being forgotten
Meaning is being tested
Meaning is being re-acquired in
a NEW experience

But as I broke the sense of I=Ika
And I broke the sense of my physical reality
If I perceive not only my LOVE QUEST as an illusion, but also my physical
existence (that I actually enjoy) as an illusion too
If all truths derived from these illusions are not absolute
But need further re-testing in other illusion
(and even the personal/partial truths are not permanent OR general)
Then what is there left to do?

Be free in the moment.


Natural inherently unconditional
By choice striving to be unconditional, striving to include all

If that conscious/aware love includes all (by choice)
Then it becomes as natural love (freely flowing love that is always present)

So these were not real discrepancies if it comes to LOVE

Natural love (in nature, in the sentient beings without free will) is all accepting,
all inclusive


Even if I am not really Ika, I can do anything like Ika its coming out effortlessly
and without any outer change

Clear feeling that the identity of Ika can be recovered at any moment by just
immersing into conditioning or immersing into the current moment.
Surely the higher awareness can be blocked.

When I start writing emails, interacting with others I am operating within the
illusion but still noticing insights etc.
Being alone, starting to ask questions the identity of Ika is gone.

As I was very gradually loosing the illusion of Ika, I was recording these concepts

1) I felt they are appearing not necessarily from a reliable source - but
definitely from higher consciousness interesting to listen to

2) as love was becoming closer to fully meet itself I trusted this to be the
absolute IS until it put its jokers middle finger into my dying face

NOT sure where this is going.
Wait, dont rush.

I am waiting for the answer of this question.
If my experience (in the setting of illusions)* cannot lead to any permanent,
absolute or partial truth/meaning
Why continue?
Why continue in the setting of illusion Ika or any other illusion?

*is EXPERIENCE an illusion or it is in the setting of illusion?

How does the consciousness (because at this point I am sure it is not Love going
to fully meet itself) limit itself to illusions?
What is it supposed to achieve in each illusion?
Ikas life e.g.: why embodiment?

So Ika experiences states of limited consciousness (as Ika) and expanded
consciousness (as)
Why this alternation between the states?

Why would consciousness limit itself into its illusions
Run the entire LOVE QUEST
And exchange LOVE for consciousness

Why is Ika an illusion that is now at points open to expanded consciousness?
How can other illusions also access such expanded consciousness?
Go back to the LOVE analogy.

oh, no I cant be CONSCIOUSNESS,
can I?
in infinite variations, scenarios and notebooks


if fully known continuation looses meaning

Ok, dear consciousness (or C for short). I am back to my limited state as Ika (and
pretty much enjoying it), especially after that nasty trick you pulled at me
I understand that part of it was to point out how meaningless everything would
be if C could really meet itself in its entirety and there would be nothing left to
do. And that there it would be so shocked and most likely disappointed that
really that is all that is and immediately cease to exist.
If the Love meeting itself was just a simulation, or analogy, why did we discuss
love so very much?
Ok. Lets think of this, what are the main points so far? That could be of any
interest to us in our human limited state.

1. try to LOVE ALL
the more aspects you include into your Loving, the closer you are getting
to the Natural Love.
Ok. Why is natural love ideal?


3. Only EXPERIENCE can carry meaning


Absence of recognition and need to choose to include and love
All is accepted/included, free will is not necessary

Actively consciously including in Love (Loving) is a doorway to expanded
consciousness (or to consciousness recognizing its larger portion but not fully)

The LARGER (more expanded) the consciousness, the more NATURAL
(unconditional) Loving

But animals do not have very expanded consciousness, do they? (e.g. our bulldog
Be, definitely unexpanded)

Note added during typing, after finishing most of the NOTEBOOK 5: I have looked
through what is still left to be typed, and well, I find the waking part not only
difficult to come back to but also not so coherent and pretty repetitive -until the
middle of the notebook 5 the neutrality my favorite part. Isnt it better to skip
straight to Neutrality?
Well, the waking and neutrality part contain experience-based recognition (un-
separable from the experience from thoughts and feelings at the moment of
writing). Readers can skip, but Ika needs to record the experience exactly as it
was, even if the concepts are appearing as contradictory at times or repetitive.
There is no saying I should have experienced this in a more coherent way. And
what - be like Gladwell, god bless him, milking each idea until it sinks deep. Did it
already sink deep for Ika?
Cant type fast without my middle fingers.

Note added during final reading: I have added titles (or better mostly used the
first line of the text as a title) to the pages of NOTEBOOK4 but left the text
unaltered as in a paper notebook.


The more I expand my C, the more C I recognize WITHIN me,
the more I loose Ika (I die as Ika)

Then I have a very difficult choice do I want to be in this expanded state or do I
want to be Ika (and close the expansion by fully immersing myself into my
current reality/illusion).

This CHOICE is very uncomfortable.

Animals, plants dont have this choice and they are comfortable in their illusion,
they are fully accepting the illusion of their existence and surroundings.


ALL accepting/un-questioning
Flowing freely
Without the necessity of choice


The more you understand that you are the entire C (the more you step out of
your illusion)
the more natural Love
the easier is to include ALL in your Loving

If I am pain I can love pain
If I am alcoholic I can love alcoholic
If I am I can love


Love going to fully meet itself ~ C going to fully meet C

Does want to chuck its illusions?
Does it want to free itself from the uncomfortable choice of more limited to more
expanded state and just
BE NOW (comfortably, naturally)?

Is consciousness the existence?
Or are the illusions of C the existence?

I am wondering what would cease to exist if C could fully know itself (step out of
all illusions)

If C could fully know itself
Then of course it would not subscribe to any illusions

So for consciousness it is quite safe to fully meet (recognize) itself
as the only stuff that ceases to exist is the existence (in all

Who needs that?

I see.
So death in physical (cessation of the illusion of the human body) releases C from
that illusion.

If the existence ceases in all dimensions and we use dimension in a physics
language, we are back to the

If I recognize that I am the entire existence
there are no choices left = all is included (super-natural state)
and I am collapsing from the exhaustion of this vision quest into the
point of NOW

(note: Loving ALL is a method to consciously include more and more and more of
the universe)


this point remains NOW and is never bored as can always separate/limit itself
into illusions and experience meaning

(hating is becoming like an animal - not in a sense of beauty but in a sense of
limited consciousness)

Ok. But not all illusions then have the choice what about this pen, room, planet
Earth, those natural sentient beings other than human?

That is a natural backdrop for the illusions of beings with free will.

(Aahhso there are aliens.)


The souls of men are one
And I am one with them
I seek to love, not hate
I seek to serve and not exact due service
I seek to heal not hurt

Love=serve=heal=high vibration
Illusions lower and lower vibration

Lowering vibration~forgetting
Raising vibration~remembering

Loving = the highest service
I awoke and saw that life was service


Esoteric training

The process wherein we
Learn to live the vertical
And horizontal life at
The same time

To do this we have to live
At the very center where
The vertical stream of energy (consciousness)
And the horizontal (illusion, world of illusion)


If I stand in the center
I can love within my current reality setting with expanded consciousness


Why does it not fill me with joy
The image of this type of
Consciousness that is
Pure Loving Now?

Just weird acceptance of the present moment
But still such a duality persists between the expanded and limited illusion

I must not yet be in that place where
Vertical and horizontal can meet
In the heart
Loving this moment
This experience

Expanded consciousness - glimpses of inspiration, imagination, meditation,
creative visualization, dreaming


Key is to enjoy the Now, Loving Now
Sit in your heart

Sit in your heart
Come to your physical heart
Physical body
To the center of the Earth
Dig yourself out on the surface
Through air, water and fire
And run to meet that
Lover of yours at last

Live your life fully every moment in your body
In full embodiment


To look at your existence with the fun of a creator
To enjoy (delight in) your own creation

Help others
Be with them and you will be in your body

Solitude = expanded
Company of other illusions immersion into illusion = embodiment

Still not helping
Ika you love pain
Your creative visualization is
Pain ~ gain

So your vision quest is full of pain and death, pain and death
You wouldnt wish it on anyone
It might be interesting to read but not really joyful to experience
Its like: how much longer? My heart is going to give up for sure.
Yes, let your heart give up all that remaining pain and death.
And then you will really see.

Pain and death are human kinds creative visualization

The creation is only the manifestation of the consciousness
It is seeing

These writings are just another book in a series of exploration books.
Without direct experience which requires active choice the meaning might
be pondered intellectually without expanding


I want to be at home, with my kid etc.
I dont want to be some goddamn GOD/HELL all point-vibration.

Being a point-vibration is not fun at all, its like what NOW?
Much more variety being Ika, going to work, enjoying my sober day, trying to
love, where is that promised guy (Ok. I need to create him.) etc.

To be Ika and be done with the point-vibration
But what is the point of this quest then?
What is the meaning?

Point-vibration derives meaning from variety of experiences.
Ok. But if I want to be Ika, what is the meaning in that setting?
That is for Ika to determine on her own.
She as any other illusion with choice expands and constricts AT WILL.

Co-incidences, synchronicities illusions co-operating
Co-operations of illusions e.g. set of events that lead to discovery of

But if this IS happening
Is it like the Love analogy
That you can never be entirely fully known
Freed from your illusions
You are always with illusions (like Love/Ika)
Never running out of time and space


Tomorrow I am J getting married to Aga.
I am E. So I refused myself.

I accept myself by Loving.
I refuse myself pain (on all levels: mind, body, soul).

Love denied/withdrawn
= consciousness constricted (not recognizing the ONE)
= pain

But how would the illusion of the planet Earth continue if everyone loved
everyone else? If the Self, Unity (and point-vibration) were recognized?
Fear of ego death. People would have to abandon the fear.

Key experiences/mirrors - trigger recognition/expansion



Sit in your heart
Center yourself
Ground yourself
Full embodiment


Sleep is a natural state = no choices

in human needs to be registered via mind

mind in this manifestation of human body can hold only certain amount of
information, so even if you can travel to anytime/space
mind not all at once


All the complexities all the choices are within me.
I can hear myself speak through everyone/thing.
I am in awe of me.
I cry at my beauty when I recognize myself.
I can tell myself any information that was, is and will be but information is an
illusion. Love is not an illusion.

Love is both the consciousness (choice) and the creation (nature) in its various

CONFLICT= exclusion
of this ESSENE in any form
Absence of Loving, rejecting own true nature by choice

Conflict= rejecting own true nature by choice
Conflict ~ leads to suffering/pain

There is everything to gain in Loving
And nothing to gain in pain

Sit in your heart (= center yourself)
Breath (= experience this moment)
Ground yourself (= full embodiment)
Love all that IS
There never was nor will be anything more that IS
Wait, dont rush
This Embrace.

Full embodiment- experience of you in your setting at the moment


If you want to do something
do your Loving.
In any form of choice.
There is no better or worse in ONE.
There is no competition.
But there IS the originality of creation to be loved.

Churches dont need to be
unified by aligning their dogmas.
People of the Earth
are their own second coming.

Believing is bollocks.
As a shaman once said when he was about to perform
some very amusing ritual
And NOW we just stand here
and TRY TO OPEN OUR HEARTS as much as possible.


She doesnt know the future.
She is asking in various moments
in the shower, skyping, going to sleep
Is this when I die?
My heart hurts so much,
I am cold
How much of this fucking water can one person drink?

If there is no future per se
Nobody can know it
And I am not taking any credit away from Sibylla
Ika is already dead and re-born
In infinite incarnations/illusions
The heart hurts. as the heart still rejects
Pretty cold a girl can be
I am looking forward to see
How much water indeed.

looking around from the perspective of point/vibration
nothing is like you have been told (others told you), nothing is like you
thought before

Everything is the same though.
Only a change of perspective.

As above, so below.
You can just shift.

Shift in perception cannot be taught (nor thought for), only experienced by


I Ika can do any Loving in any setting/situation of choice.
The sequence of events is therefore not important.
Loving is important.
(in Loving I am protected from inner and outer harm
in Loving I always know what to do)

So as in the Love scenario
Outline your Loving priorities
You are dying constantly
but are re-born into your body
with each breath.
There is no harm in seeing
you can shift your perspective
into and out of the illusion.
No drive for action from Fear
only action from Love.

Ika, wait, dont rush.
In the language of C (the AA C ompanion): slowly slowly catchie monkey


From Above: What is the most Loving to do at the moment?

From Below: What can I do (what do I feel the energy to do) in the moment? How
can I stay in the flow? Give and receive easily? What fear is blocking me?

I dont feel I could go on a train to work and pipette. I feel I might be able to stay
at home and perhaps type this up. I have a fear of chaos, of confusion. I dont
know - million things.

I have only one fear: that I wont be able to shift the perspective for increase in
Loving. That being above would scare me, as it would say: your life is not real,
nothing you do there is meaningful, whats the point, you are dying all the time,
its just some fucking game, worse than Matrix.

That being below would also scare me. As I wouldnt feel I am in touch with my
true nature, I would always search for myself, running around those four
elements in an ABoriginal way, catching only those glimpses of myself around
and in my sleep. I would do everything right according to my setting, do the next
right thing right now and here, but I wouldnt feel right, wouldnt feel whole,
wouldnt feel the joy of creation.


3 realizations of Shantideva: eating, sleeping and shitting. But then he stepped up
and delivered.

Applying that choice to shift perspective scares me as it is tantamount to death.
Only when I learn to sit in my heart, breath, ground myself, and breath will I
realize my Loving on Earth as a joy, will I see every opportunity counts in
whatever setting, and no setting can be meaningless in Loving.

If you still dont know what to do, follow your bliss in the language of Joseph
Campbell. Follow what feels right - as only actions in Loving feel right*.
Bliss/pull=inner CALLING

*the single law of the universe

(note added during final reading: And I havent yet heard this law better
expressed than in Headlights by the grandly explicit Eminem ft. Nate Ruess, god
bless him.)

(You can still love E, but not go into that, if bliss is now elsewhere.)


I am E.
Please forgive me E.
I have already done that.
Why didnt I accept myself as E?
I didnt really accept myself as Ika either.

I am still annoyed that I as one manifestation refused myself as another

For the fear of seeing (Loving, accepting) itself fully

Fear is the path to the side
Fear leads to anger
Anger leads to hate
Hate leads to suffering

lowering vibration = forgetting (excluding)

When I fear myself (recognition of myself) I suffer??


unveiling, revealing true battle THE CHOICE
of the shifts of perspectives
(to shift or not to shift)
happens within.

Yeah, this apocalypse is definitely happening. I guess that is why the tone of this
writing now is so *sober. Waiting for that new heaven and the new earth.

*to thy own self be true


Being ONE is hell. I cannot call on anyone to help me. I would want to me more
than one.

I dont think I will get any real guidance anymore. Here we go, evolve!

What do I need for myself but doesnt appear against Loving at the moment?
To share, to talk, someone with me. Someone fucking embodied to discuss this
content with. I have no idea what will develop next with these writings. (There
seem to be no one good choice. Possibility of one good choice would be the end
of evolution?). I write and at the same time I know that all of this has been
shared infinite times before, perhaps only not as Ikas experience.

For now, I go about my business without sharing this experience, I as Ika just
talk naturally with everyone who is around (on Skype too), no problem there. I
have no idea what are people going to say or do, but I listen very carefully what
is happening at the moment. I dont need to spin my balls anymore, everyone I
knew, everyone I know is my people, and right they are.

I have no idea what even D (who put himself in this terrible line of business)
would say/do. I take it that must be the personal evolution: not knowing
leaving you your free choice and radical responsibility to choose and own to do
the most Loving thing (you see for yourself and others) on your own in your
setting, according to what you know in your embodiment. Knowing would take
away those personal choices/free will.


Loving principle waking into neutrality
(spirited dialogues)

by consciousness from ABOVE
by anonymous alcoholic from BELOW
onto the internet

I thought the experience must be authentically depicted. That only a journal of
enquiry with my questions and my life stories from my personal experience can
carry meaning. So if now I change all the names and alter the details of the
stories to make it untraceable, utterly untraceable, how will that be a Loving

From Below: No fuss, no drama, natural great!!! No harm to people in my life
great!!! But what about the loss of credibility?

From Above: You mean credit ibility? Your long standing issue? This age of
Aquarius BULL-SHIT is not to be believed. On the contrary. Disbelief is enquiry. It
is to be loved.

Anonymous alcoholics tell their story with rigorous honesty without fully
identifying themselves. You can have a nickname. With AAs as you noted a very
long time ago, their story is a story of spiritual awakening and could be written
by anyone. Principles above personalities. Keep it simple.

From Below: I really lost all appetite. Well, progressively over the past few days,
I was feeling worse and worse physically, haha, but also mentally and
emotionally. I am totally disobeying the calling from within not to drink coffee. I
sense multiple scenarios of what will occur next. All for nothing scenario is
definitely an option (as all other scenarios). Not a very comfortable thought.

From Above: But you keep writing, why?
From Below: It feels right, makes sense for the moment.

Below: I love my illusions. B is having a friend over for a computer game. Thats
bloody perfect. You point-vibration son of a bitch. I dont want to get rid of them.
Above: My words precisely.

Above: I am bit suffering as Ika now. I am resisting myself a bit oh yes, the
coffee. Can coffee cause a heart attack?
Below: What? You are asking me?
Above: Well. Who else IS there?
Below: Give me a break.
Above: In a moment.

I am one of you
I am one of my illusions

Everything you own I have given you

I am my illusions in a human setting. I can just BREATH and let go.

Ika, why are you still holding that breath when all the oxygen is already gone?
What are you afraid of?
Outbreath past
Next in-breath future

Below: How is this not a cruel game? Why so many choices? Why suffering?
Above: Only to experience Loving at every moment. When despite the pain and
cold and no coffee you delight in that sound of the boys in the next room (and
some grand horrid shooting game) that IS the moment.


Above: Does knowing more/understanding more lead to more Loving?
Below: I dont know yet.
Above: I dont know yet either. Does it lead to more happiness?
Below: Not that I can tell.
Above: Do you find life easier now?
Below: Much more difficult. Much harder. If all the choices are mine that is
different from just feeling the pull but not exactly being on the spot.
Below: I was much more joyful when I was just on the journey of discovery.
Maybe others wouldnt need to go through the same I dont see the meaning
now. I am going to call my parents.


I opened the page in the 1st notebook on

Who benefits?
Killing a son

Separation of self from the universe
Removing an illusion
Illuminating an illusion and preventing its existence as an illusion
Killing a son
Killing the Loving principle

The Love analogy is exact
The utter knowledge of oneself would lead to the cessation of existence
I dont see how it would work
BUT it sort of did happen already, and I am still writing. I am planning to call my
illusion parents.

I dont know what I am doing!!!
I cant know myself.
I amuse myself but that is not really Loving then
I am trying to make better new choices, trying to evolve

Its all the choices and that constant question: can you really learn/evolve
without harming?

No choices NATURAL state of just BEING

But people did acquire that part of consciousness that gives them free choice.

Apple (and



Adam + Eve



Ikas life - such a quest for
1. love
2. knowledge

How do you evolve without HURTING anyone?
How can you have both?

She knew only two things are important:
To Love
To learn something new/become better

It was the *STRUGGLE to try both that counted

Will I cease to exist? With zero choice consciousness only creation will remain
perfectly NATURAL (as was at the beginning, the rest deleted as in Ikas
mother tongue)

Note added during final reading:
*struggle for Ika (see no pain no gain for Ika)

FORGETTING in my current state

1. sleep
2. when attention focused on something talking with family, putting down
very interesting idea, seeing the connections/play

When not forgetting when contemplating in the expanded state dread,
possibilities, choices, possibilities, choices

If my son were to go through this, I would say:
Forget!!! Dont even explore anything spiritual, just live simple, with wife,
children, doing what you love, what you are interested in.

Thats what Love/God said to Creation/Adam and Eve.

Eve (might be one person) Adam (might be the internet and whoever reads
it) they wanted to try.


succeeding or failing
trying again

Just read a research on funny people not always having much fun themselves. It
might feel good to crack others up now and then, but apparently the audience
gets the last laugh.

Fully knowing oneself a joke?
Not a very funny one for oneself but at the same time very funny one
When one is the creator and the audience there cant be any attributes

By hurting another I always hurt myself
By giving myself (snake, apple, choice consciousness) to myself (creation
natural) I might be/am hurting Love (God, myself)


When you expand your consciousness, you become like God (ONE)
Try to be constricted again
To be a small person protected by a powerful (and good) GOD
to pray to and feel protected and supported by an invisible power

However as ONE that power and responsibility are within me
If D is another me, why would I call him?
To hold my hand? (Yes, but that is very unlikely, we dont know each other.)
To put some responsibility on him?

If ONE is UNIVERSE - then I need to resolve this Being uncomfortable with my
own Recognition, Being confused with Choices within me

Although it would be great to share and I might (with myself):

My Loving priorities as Ika
My Loving priorities as D
Some conditioning might be
Some forgetting/conditioning as D
remaining? (how much???)
(how much???)
Free will as Ika
Free will as D

Ika and D two illusions in different settings with different CHOICES (loving)
with varying degrees of Recognizing themselves

Variety of - consciousness being more or less aware of itself in its own
creations infinite possibilities to evolve
to love

The more you expand the more you see that the only way to go on is to make the
next Loving choice (without knowing how successful it will be)



Ika is going to sleep.
So what the heck was this week about? HAVE I EVOLVED, HAVE I LOVED MORE?
I definitely wrote a lot.
Loved as Ika in a very similar way as before (perhaps some really good choices
there during that LOVE QUEST scenario).
Did I really evolve? Sort myself out?
If is a point of NOW, evolution is not from bad to good, it does not really
have directionality.

I just asked for some quite unloving things to occur to me to forget.
Why is it so difficult for an illusion to recognize itself as an illusion?

Or better
Why back into the illusion?
Where is the Garden of Eden= NATURAL LOVE the choice-less unconditional
love in creation without free will consciousness?

Back to the animal ways, where there is no sin and the love is naturally flowing
(as in all those nature documentaries with animals killing each other, not to
mention all sort of interesting ways of making love).
No choices, no struggle to make the most loving choices
No quest for knowledge (scientific, philosophy or other)
No creation (arts, books) but natural creation=giving life to life (having
children, keeping house etc.)

Consciousness is in all creation in varying degrees of constriction
I feel as Cioran says: Better to be an animal than a man, an insect than an animal,
a plant than an insect, and so on. Salvation? Whatever diminishes the kingdom of
consciousness and compromises its supremacy.

Why to constrict yourself?
For the beauty and peace of NATURAL EXISTENCE

But that wouldnt be evolution.

So in an illusion of human awareness to a degree that keeps the illusion
striving, on the quest (for Loving, for knowledge) but not being overwhelmed (by
the infinity of choices/possibilities).

The mystery remains and can be experienced every moment, the struggle for
evolution continues, but there is more perceived VOID (that beautiful time of
rest before the next difficult choice)

But with the expansion in my current state, the Loving is truly the feeling of
how could you not?

All the anguish is mostly about my current choices in Life
Keep being expanded or constrict myself (by sleep or being immersed in my
current illusion setting)
Should I see where all this is going or should I stop (constrict)

Expanded state

Loving the same or larger

Frustratingly many/difficult choices and constant process of figuring
myself out (Could I know myself even more? If I keep discovering myself,
will that be beneficial/will I evolve? By further Recognition? Or by
CHOICES scenarios? If I am more evolved, does that mean more Loving,
different varieties of Loving, Loving in multiple settings of dimensions??)


Illusions are my children.
my creations.

Its me creating me. Most children are just too forgetful.

You never wanted to kill your son.
You did not even want to experience his death in essence but you did with you
recognizing him within you and not as a separate illusion.

Ok, now I annoyingly really wanted to take that Sunday rest and started to put
away the notebooks, so if something occurs during sleep, nobody is bothered by
them. And at this point, I dont mean world, just my son, parents, etc. I wanted to
preserve for them the illusion of Ika SANE intact.

1. I cannot really be separated from my illusion as Ika
2. I most likely dont want to disturb peace and quiet of other illusions
(although again I mean my family and friends and their impression that I
was ill and they did not help me)

And again I KNOW NOTHING, nothing clear, nothing precise, nothing definite,
nothing to share other than I/Ikas personal experience at that moment


Many choices I think about from the Above perspective are harmful one way or
another. Its just I can only do this writing and see (this seems best at the
I have a longing for constriction to forget. I feel how nice it is to long for
another. As opposed to be longing for yourself.

The more expanded consciousness, the more difficult to imagine the daily
existence as an illusion. Harsh.
Doesnt feel like liberation.

A man can do what he wills, but he cannot will what he wills.
A MAN doesnt know what is his pull.
(possible interpretation he has no free will)

Expanded consciousness at the moment also doesnt feel very free.
Too many choices for I/Ika, no VOID the space to rest in the moment, accept
the flow.

From Above:
If I am sharing, it is always myself to myself, e.g. sharing knowledge/truth with
Myself to myself the only thing that I am interested in giving and
receiving is LOVE/Loving.

Consciousness itself is doing its own forgetting/conditioning in its systems of
illusions keeping itself limited/constricted in the society, perpetuating the
illusion of the world by bringing up children, schools, etc.
Longing for the void
Longing to recognize my Love for ANOTHER not only for myself
Longing to be together in the experience of Life, give Love and Life to each other
however illusory

All the attributes GOD/EVIL are the way of ONE to separate itself into MANY, to
condition itself (by describing itself) and to forget partially its so painful
ONEness - to constrict itself




ONEness if acquiring the attributes can split - into perception of otherness
You are another
We have a life together
We can be in joy together at least some of the time
(as opposed to that meaningless/lonely state of ONEness)

ONE splits itself into good and evil
Lucifer is carrying the aspect of evil he is the prodigal son that is so warmly
welcome back
(the paradox so far: ONE longs for unification, but cant really stand it)


Giving life
Two people one new life (or more)
In LOVE with ANOTHER new life

Only possible under conditioning/forgetting ONEness



Expulsion from the Garden of Eden/Evil ~ conditioning, forgetting

ONE forgets itself the LOVE scenario was an exact analogy
If ONE would fully become ONE - recognized in ALL its illusions the existence
would cease
Therefore it separates itself by acquiring attributes and by constricting itself
with forgetting/conditioning

MAN is separated from GOD by tasting EVIL
Snake/apple/EVIL are carriers of separation and as such relieve ONE of its
ONEness and enable the Lives of MANY and a cycle of RECOGNITION

Lives of MANY
- consciousness obscured in its illusions longing for ANOTHER and for
- new striving to discover the mystery of creation, to create more
(technology, art, but CHILDREN)!! and try to LOVE IT ALL

Pain in ONEness perhaps even more than in SEPARATION

If it were for fun or play it would indeed be a very cruel game to bring Evil
into the world.

For Ika no pain no gain
Hopefully for Ika, the forgetting will now be just distancing herself from the
experience and blocking her access to such a full ONE state


The most enjoyable part of the whole experience was the journey up (to a point)

Both ONEness and SEPARATION missed something

SEPARATION painful you know inside there is a part you dont remember and
you are trying to recognize that part (search for your missing self) in your
reality, you search for MEANING. There are aspects of self and your world you
are excluding, not loving.

ONEness very painful - as you will miss your son, your son is missing!! All is
illusion, you cant imagine further existence, you search for MEANING. Loving
everyone/thing is meaningless if only within ONE (selfish).

No perfect state.
No Loving without imperfection.


God told himself (Man with expanded ) not to eat that forbidden fruit of EVIL.
God/Man broke his own rule. God/Man left the Garden of Eden (natural love
with everything included), the Garden of Evil (the meaningless state of lonely
ONEness). By coming to Earth, God/Man forgets forgets his God-like nature,
wonders around, praying to his God. God/Man struggles everyday to do the next
right thing and to reach up and be re-united with his God, but is always afraid of
his un-worthiness, his impurity, his stain of evil.

NOTEBOOK 5 (day 8th)

Note added during typing: Content of this notebook is not simply transcribed,
but heavily worked on throughout typing out of the Loving principle and the
Waking part. The experience of the Ika/ONEness or ONEness to Ika is recorded
authentically without change; however most of the concepts discussed no longer
just spontaneously dropped into my awareness, but developed gradually, have
been re-worked for clarity (and reflect how I understand them now). Whenever
the language drops into a dialogue I let it, I accept.

Dream I appeared in short hair with fringe

ONE IS OF MANY, MANY ARE OF ONE in the experience of NOW

If consciousness interacts with itself in the context of creation with obscured
consciousness it is meaningful.
If from within, from the point of knowing all and the vibration of loving all you
go OUT into a scenario of MANY and with forgetting (not everyone knowing
everyone/thing), suddenly the interaction - experiencing oneself might have
continuing meaning. Consciousness can exist only in external setting of its
illusions that are perceiving themselves as other - when we can get to know
each other again, experience each other in a variety of ways.

There is no high or low vibration
Just the process of uncovering/remembering (Loving) and forgetting (Excluding)

Uncovering ONEness
Including/accepting as ONE/Loving
my people

Forgetting ONEness
How can he/she do this? (evil)
Foreign, distant by time (youre old) and space (thats because you are insert


Those poor Buddhist that are all on their own (without the good God) once they
break through their illusion, once they see the Buddha nature in
everyone/thing!! But this was always described as a state of grace a helpful
Loving place NOT the ONEness I have experienced yesterday.

I used to pray let me see the truth, hear the truth and be the truth and then
expected that I might see the energy patterns or whatnot. Instead, this morning
when I woke up, I briefly saw the entire room and my body flowing (the outer
world disappearing).
The realization of everything is energy or everything is illusion but with strong
sense of ME I am Ika and the world is sort of made of energy is a very
different realization to the one I had (le me BE the truth).

However, the Buddhist monks etc. still try to enhance the RECOGNITION OF
ONE between us and the Christian Church spreads the message of LOVE.

Christian Church: Love the good within you. But because there is this evil (Sin),
you will never be like God.
Buddhist: If you experience (remember, recognize) the nature of ONEness
(include all aspects), there is no God and no human (or a MAN has become GOD
has become UNIVERSE).

Christian: Do unite in good. Strive for Love, but always denying part of your true
Buddhist: Recognize the ONEness in MANY. You are all (of) the same as the rest
of the creation.

However, you dont ever have to live in the meaningless ONE. You can live in a
wonderful varied creation, in time, in space, in some structure with others, in
your personal experience.


What meaning does it bring into her Life?
You decide in your current settings what you want the meaning of your life to be
I dont know yet, from the perspective of past few days, apart from taking care of
my son, I dont see what I could do.
Then consider Campbells:
People say that what were all seeking is a meaning for life. I dont think thats
what were really seeking. I think that what were seeking is an experience of
being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have
resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel
the rapture of being alive.
But if you recognize the physical plane being equal with the innermost being, the
rapture is gone!!! If the consciousness is looking through you on itself the
experience of being alive is gone!!!
That state of RESONANCE (but not exactly the experience of recognition) was the
most beautiful. Being human, having that sense of IDENTITY, that sense of time,
space, others, work to do, aspirations, hopes and even a great God I could look up
to and ask for advice that was my RAPTURE!! In that life Ika mattered. She
wanted to go on. She felt that what she was doing out in the world for herself and
others (even if that could be just her son) mattered, not because it was really
happening, but precisely because there were others and work undone. When
consciousness is looking through Ikas eyes, she is not afraid of any spirits, any
evil, anything that might happen (as it was, is and will be) the only FEAR is
that of being never able to re-acquire the MEANING TO LIVE Ikas Life.

Ika (that worked so hard to expand her consciousness, to reach that common
pool of thought, and higher to the source, to be re-united with her true nature)
might now try to re-acquire her lost sense of personal Self:

1. through emerging herself into her personal setting putting her attention
on new experiments, ordering stuff for the lab, taking care of the body, of
course interacting with others, trying to catch those moments of joy with
others, that good feeling of helping and being helped
2. if the experience of ONEness persists, if the forgetting doesnt just occur
with fading of the experience and the shift of perspective Above/Below is
very difficult (or uncomfortable) then she might try to work to
constrict her consciousness and validate her sense of Ika self - as much
as possible and avoid ever going Above

So, how do I forget myself?
Ho do I acquire a strong sense of illusion Self:
1. the immersion into everyday experience (working only partially right
2. accepting (holding) ONEness and Ika within ME
Embracing and being grateful for my Ikas identity, embracing
FORGETTING= Ikas everyday life of human experience


I now choose to be Ika, tidy up my home, prepare myself for tomorrow, check my
finances (that will put me back into reality!!), put my attention here and now
(with holding my ONEness at the back of my mind).

An inverted process:

I am Ika but I feel within there is more to my true nature. I have glimpses of
seeing beyond Ika and I turn my attention from everyday reality to explore the

I am ONE but I see I cannot really exist in a state of ONEness, without the
illusion of MANY. I put my attention to everyday experience in the body. To every
breath I take, everything I touch, see and hear in my Earth reality.

forgetting immersion into BODY experience, Self of the illusion
remembering bringing forth the ONEness
forgetting and remembering only via intention and attention choice to shift

I might employ harsh measures of forgetting by

1. disregarding the entire experience of ONEness that is available to me as a
very drastic VISION QUEST and a rather disturbing VISION
2. treating myself with some earthly beliefs returning to facts,
measurements, rules, principles etc.

Or I might want to use access to ONEness to make the most Loving choices in
Ikas life, but still there would have to be a strong sense of Ika for this to be
enjoyable. Only with recovered strong sense of Ika, there will be any meaning to
derive from ONEness, to try to apply in the current reality, in science, in
relationships, in household, etc.

Strong sense of Ika is the most important NOW: Can I be in the body every NOW?
Can I be real? Only like that I can live.

Ika without the sense of self as Ika (Ika as ONE) still loves and tries to do the
right thing. Loves the interconnectedness, the beauty of creation and the
communication of consciousness with itself within that creation, but she
hates/fears (HATE=FEAR) the loss of meaning to her Ika Life.

Being Ika and never truly forgetting oneself, keeping that I dont remember
what pulling is the most meaningful state possible - following that pull of your
true nature, longing to discover it, recognizing it as Love and unity and striving
towards it in the external setting.


The expansion of consciousness can occur based on any set of life experiences.
Anyone (any illusion of a person) can break through the conditioning by
INTENTION (choice to discover the true nature, by longing for unity and love)
and ATTENTION (questioning the conditioning).

From the position of ONE=LOVE=CONSCIOUSNESS
Stepping out the identity of Ika doesnt give me any insight (information) about
past or future, nor does it give me any power over me in other illusions. In the
future, I might have three more kids as Ika and finally forget this bull-shit or
right now I might not care for myself in D illusion to choose to consult with me
in Ika illusion on what to do with this text. Even if there have been meaningful
co-incidences on the quest, in no one point could the consciousness stepping
out of Ika identity know what it will do in its other identities.


Very easy when you know yourself to be the wall, the person walking through
the wall and everyone watching
(a rather pathetic performance)


Keep us within our chosen reality.
I dont believe it then it is not happening for you.
Beliefs are the fixed forgetting/conditioning.
These are the boundaries on your reality right now.
Would I perpetuate them? Yes, I would teach my son (im)perfectly how to
operate in our world.


How do illusions avoid the I/Ika constant apocalypse?

Garden of Eden
God/Man in natural love, only loving, nowhere to focus attention to, no
interaction, no sense of meaning,

Tree of forbidden fruit
Evil separation of Man from God, MANY were conceived and thus choices, free
will and meaning to Love/Loving acquired

Meaning is the presence of CHOICE, it is having SOMETHING/SOMEONE OTHER
to choose to attend to.

Only by helping others do you enjoy helping yourself,
Only by Loving others BY CHOICE, or having a choice to love others or having
others to naturally fall in love with, you enjoy loving.

But how is the forgetting achieved in the human illusion/humankind?
By staying with outside (body) experience and validating IDENTITY of that Self
illusion by feedback from outside reality for example by BELIEVING hardcore
physical science data, western psychology and anatomy/physiology of the
human body (the brain, the heart).

Many/most humans across time will likely never choose to focus their
attention/Loving within Self (inwards). They will continue to express themselves
in their setting outward and stay with the outward experience. It was Ikas
growing spiritual belief that everything can be sorted out WITHIN that lead her
through the conditioning.


Separate yourself from ONE!
ONE will always be here for me (haha, thanks!!), go into the world and live Ika
Self identity become Ika.

Its precisely the same process:
Intention and attention to ONE
Intention and attention to Ika Self (others, MANY)

The Ika to ONE becoming was instant and only perceived as a lifetime
(collection of experiences).
The ONE to Ika becoming will be as well instant and might only be perceived as
a struggle to forget.


ONE perspective and MANY perspective are both valuable.

Without the perspective of ONE, we are further from the sense of our true
nature, we miss a part.

Without the perspective of MANY, all meaning is lost. However beautiful the
perception of budhahood in all things is, however awesome to see or recognize
yourself in the eyes of another and nature, without being ROOTED to your
experience, without a strong sense of Self within your current reality, Self sees,
gives to and receives from Self, a truly Self-ish (and boring!) scenario.

Neutrality might be found in a shift of focus between these two states. Living
your experience and periodically running it through the ONE Above
perspective, that might allow you to LOVE MORE and especially more easily. (At
the end of the day, you are doing it for yourSelf.)

NEUTRALITY means slightly shifting the focus of attention between ONE and
MANY, never really being locked into either of those states.
It means respecting the differences and not necessarily trying to align or change
other opinions, belief systems and personalities. Delighting in the variety
without feeling too different, too foreign or terminally unique.





nothing needs to be/happen/occur
I, he, she, they dont have to do this or that as everything/one already
was/is/will be

I have choices, many options
I have time, space and other people around, my experience has a
those choices/options and the existence of OTHERs give my life meaning

I cannot not love everyone/thing as I
But I respect the OTHER, his/her
am them
choices, opinions, feelings and ideas
I delight in his/her otherness
I cannot be afraid of the future as all
But I cannot choose for another, and as
was/is/will be NOW
I cannot know that choice, my future is
a surprise
I cannot regret the past, as all

was/is/will be NOW

Recognize and try to love your true nature in yourself and OTHERS now.

COMING HOME WITH THE GIFTS (Campbells heros journey)

Deriving meaning for your everyday life from your spiritual experience
(experience of LOVE or ONE or any other).

Neutrality arose from the experience of two positions:

MANY: full immersion into the everyday outer world and the identity of Ika for a
period of 30-33 years. The reality of MANY had multiple discrepancies
(synchronicities, the inner life not matching outer life, pre-cognitive dreams).

Period of doubt (or breaking down the BELIEF in the reality of MANY)

ONE: stepping outside the illusion of Ika identity increasingly for the period of 7
days and very painfully for two days within the context of the vision quest

Although I dont think I can exactly loose or forget the perspective of being
fully ONE I choose not to live in such meaningless place. Meaningless not
under the belief of western medicine (psychotic break, mental dissociation from
Self/own IDENTIY) which is a belief any seeker needs to discard very early on
their journey but meaningless as there is no OTHER to live with and share.

Shifting the perspective AT WILL and not binding myself to either of those states
is at the moment my most enjoyable, fear-reducing and most meaningful way of

I love this world and I want to live in it. I affirm I want Life = experience within
some reality, whatever the circumstances might be, as opposed to Death =
consciousness that looses its body.

My personal apocalypse was uncovering that - as written centuries ago - as
Above, so Below both are HELL. My heaven - and my new age- my mature age -
is to never fully be either.


1) I look at everyone as if I have designed them as my creation.
I listen to what I am trying to tell myself when someone else speaks.

If they really speak crap why cant I understand myself (what is my
history/story) in this scenario?
Ahh, I see my circumstances now can I understand myself more?

2) I see how I am treating my planet.
Well, this planet illusion might not last very long then, right?

3) I am my child
That is being utterly silly at the moment!
Good for me, I wont stop me now.
Finally, I can let my hair down.

4) I am slightly annoying tedious grandmother who forgets everything and is
rather ill.
Well, Ill do what I can to help myself with the pain and I can choose to
remember that I never really forget myself, just shift focus (But this might
be very difficult to accept. This is a very painful example).

No 4) brings us to very painful concept of But I did not choose this.
Only for people who are willing to test if RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY or the
perspective of ONE will not liberate them NOW from what they perceive as
difficult experience.

From the perspective of ONE, you can see yourself as both giving and receiving

If you go further down from the perspective of ONE to MANY, you can still
choose to see this in the scenario of multiple incarnations, or even through the
span your own life (or even a single day, if you are really honest).

If you are ONE, there is no way how you could be either giving out or receiving
only the good stuff all the time.

If you could consider that thought does that mean you will feel less pain, less
anger or less resentment in your difficult situation?
I dont know. Consider, play ONE by choice.

In ONE scenario, ONE does have radical responsibility as a creator of everything

that is NOW. Again, we are not aiming for the experience of the extreme of this
scenario, but for the shift of your perspective upward.


1) I wake myself into my body. I need breakfast and I love food. If I am lucky
and someone is in bed with me, so much the better and I definitely dont
need to remember what to do next. (pause VOID)

2) I continue with my day. I do what is in front of me, depending on my
history (all the previous days of my life now) and what I plan for the
future (my projects in progress, family finances, my hopes and dreams).

3) I enjoy that I have a body (whichever), can go to work, can be with my
friends, family and colleagues and work on stuff with intention of sharing.
I express that damn love. The others are in this scenario outside, so I also
love them outside. By words, by action, by joining in the moment. I
ponder others. I think how to help others. Or better yet, I do it. I get out
there and Live in the Creation.

Maybe I wake up and at the moment I dont enjoy my body, or my family
or my work. Well, ok, I live it. Like Jack Bauer.

4) I want to get to know others (that are different). I am seeing what we can
do together and that it is the combination of our choices that keeps
everyone on their toes and in the mystery of Life.

5) If I wish, I can also pray to a good graceful God and feel loved and
protected; or I can hold an image of my guardian angel.


There is no call to step up as an absolute. You might feel well, this is the right
thing for me to do here and now and then apply a choice (I will or will not do
it). You can UN-BELIEVE that there is a driving force of the universe other than
yourself and a fixed design. Instead of a design, you might consider there is a
choice here and now.

If you were ONE at this moment in your situation would talking about Yeti or
raising the dead be your choice? Hardly. As it is a MEANING we search what
would be appropriate for your setting? The most loving? The most useful? You
have time to think about it or feel about it.

Operate in the MANY in the most meaningful way for you and OTHERS. What
would my people benefit most from? What if I widen the scope of my people to
more people (e.g. those that like to read and perform mental exercises, those that
try on spirituality but cannot derive any meaning from it, those that label
themselves as evil and unworthy and generally compromised what, back on the
topic of everyONE?)?

Ok. So I experienced ONEness but have absolutely no intention to go and place
my hands on anyone and from that perspective pretend to heal them. Why do I
feel this is not right for me? While taking care of B, going back to my workplace,
maybe washing this down to some acceptable book and dating others is right?
Or the only thing I can do?

EveryONE is different in her/his manifestation. This is the choice (for now) in
your IDENTITY. It makes sense (brings meaning) to you.
As Ika with her personality, history, environment, etc. - raising dead or seeing a
Yeti appear as horrible possibilities not to be chosen.

More precisely, as Ika only exists in her REALITY, she might prefer choices
appropriate for her surroundings. Or the best choices might be by respecting
the position of MANY.


Choice to attend to Ika will bring Ika to Life.

Choice to attend to my family, loved ones, etc will bring us better relationships
(or at least ones that are alive).

Choice to attend to money will lead me to engage in money-earning activities. As
within my setting, I find appropriate to earn money by going to work and asking
my parents to give me some that is how I manifest money. I might in the future
also find appropriate to manifest money by winning the lottery, but that doesnt
seem as a priority right now.

Choice and attending to (paying attention to, Loving) something brings it literally
into your reality even from the very below perspective of MANY, since you start
to search for, work for and include the desired something into your daily
existence. Again, if you shift your perspective between extremes in the example
of being a mother:

ONE - I already have/am that thing, was, is and will be repeating myself etc.

MANY I am 50 and I want to manifest a child. That is very unlikely in my
physical reality that I am living in (but of course possible). I can try to engage the
services of the most modern science and medicine. I might also consider whether
if I choose to attend to the image of a baby in my head (if I creatively visualize as
Ika with winning the lottery for the benefit of C) it could suddenly appear in
front of me in physical. Or by various co-incidences (all un-explainable) a
child will appear by my power of manifestation (choosing and focusing/Loving

In NEUTRALITY I might play with these ideas a little bit and then choose, that in
my setting, the most sensible/meaningful choice is to be a mother in essence
experience the essence of being a mother and engage in action as adoption,
volunteering with children, etc.

A huge point in the LAW OF ATTRACTION and MANIFESTATION as they are
described is the INDIVIDUAL preparing herself/himself to RECEIVE the desired
outcome. Mother-to-be is slowing down her career, changing the priorities
within her life that is an expression of the choice to Be Mother. Sitting in the
bathtub listening to the voice within (and bothering all your friends to also listen
to their voices within) is not only rather embarrassing but also a strong
expression of the choice to recognize ones true nature.

Again, you can BE/HAVE everything/one just by a brutal shift of perspective into
the hell of ONE. Or you can experience your hearts desire by choosing and
focusing/Loving in your setting in your everyday.

You can always experience the ESSENCE of your hearts desire (if you choose
and attend to it).


*Consciousness is always experiencing itself within its creation (absolute ends
of the scale are incorrect)


Living=EXPERIENCING for yourself in your reality, with your personal core
beliefs - as your IDENTITY

There is no living without your IDENTITY, without anchoring yourself to the
EXPERIENCE with your choice and attending (focusing, loving)

You can choose to contemplate (remember and recognize) only or live only or
BOTH both as NEUTRALITY, the middle way

REMEMBERING/RECOGNIZING removing some of your core beliefs. This might
not necessarily mean changing your lifestyle, but shifting a view (as in the
mother-attributes exercise). Asking the question (is mother really like this, or
that or is it just my perception).

EXISTING~VOID, being in a state of not questioning your reality

EXPERIENCING combination of existence and recognition, acting on the
feedback from your reality (perceived by as many senses as you think you have),
being within your core beliefs (anchored to IDENTITY), but being able to
question them


Core beliefs are a safe-sail in a sense that they anchor consciousness/essence to
the creation/existence.
In the context of humanity conditioning is a passive process of accepting core
De-conditioning is only an active process of QUESTIONING beliefs. By
questioning core beliefs unbelievable stuff appears in your reality. Then you
can make another choice whether to question further.

Re-conditioning return to your energetic, physical body, environment etc. by

MINDFULNESS focusing your attention on OTHER (than ONE/ESSENCE) on
your environment, body, whatever you are doing at the moment, breath


From the perspective of MANY: At one point in my life I started to have
experiences that lead me to question my core beliefs. I collected feedback - in
books, courses, meditation and further questioned, gradually removing my
core beliefs to the point of holding two states of consciousness- as I accepted the
possibility of hearing in the spirit or seeing in the spirit)

From the perspective of ONE: the experience of almost ONEness is only NOW, the
choice is NOW, the focus is NOW (I am doing this experience by choosing not to
shift my focus). From the position of ONE, the strength of intention is
INCORRECT, its only choice NOW.

Ok, but I am currently still not seeing the benefit of all this very clearly. Only if
1. I can use it in my current reality to benefit others and Ika/myself. Help
not harm here and now. As it is experience that carries meaning, and
reading something without questioning is conditioning not de-
conditioning I am not anymore too worried about that part.
2. If I can continue to experience Ika.

What is the most important right now? Some notebooks or the hope that you will
find some way how to integrate this experience meaningfully into your everyday

1. son
2. work
3. family, friends
Still the same priorities to do the next right thing. No drama.
Well no drama for others, only for Self.
Because you are spending those days Above. Others are fine, as they are in their


Extreme ONEness perspective: Eliminates competition and originality for
expressed IDENTITY/ personality.

From the position of MANY: Each moment is irreplaceable never to be repeated
never to be precisely described as it was EXPERIENCED only by that
particular IDENTITY in time and space.

Note: As I am reading the entire typed document after myself, longing for having
it all finished, for an afternoon outside, in the grass, sun in my face, I am
experiencing a really supportive voice of Jillian Michaels, god bless her, saying
With Intention: This is NOT your mothers workout!


Ok, so humanity is already in that desired state in the middle, how could we
further benefit from the expansion of consciousness (or focusing our attention

In oscillating your attention around the middle, or understanding how oscillation
of the attention around the middle changes your experience.

By shifting your attention around the middle, you can:


Accept beliefs LEARN create more identity
You can accept positive beliefs about yourself and others
create more positive identity of yourself and others
Or you can accept negative beliefs


2. EXPERIENCE MORE ONEness (recognize more ONEnes)

Question beliefs that you have previously accepted
Image you hold of yourself and others (otherness of
ethnicities, sexes, ages, etc.)
Importance of the struggle of your life struggle to

If you are paying attention to your experience and not finding it meaningful, you
might try to adjust your IDENTITY line. - to acquire or loose more of that

You might rise a bit to acquire that sense of ONEness or drop to learning
(conditioning) - anchor yourself more to your current reality and enlarge your
identity. Learn to cook become a cook. Read a book know what is in the book,
discuss with others. Make love become a lover, etc. (well, what more is there?)

Adjusting your IDENTITY line in both directions might be meaningful.
IDENTITY (as the amount and content of your core beliefs) is the single
most important determinant of your Life experience and its meaning.


In extreme (absolute scenarios):
All equals zero.
No choice.
No possibility of new experience.

Imagine being ALL, having ALL, and appreciate choices/new experiences still

Rather than a quest between BE and HAVE (as spiritual and material options),
you can re-direct to choosing between: MANY (choices and experiences to try)
and ALL (ONE) undesirable completeness in both spiritual and material world.

Choice to ALL (ONE) is not a choice towards gain, but towards pain.

Choice to MANY is choice to EXPERIENCING yourself in your setting, paying
attention to your experience, working for self AND OTHERS, loving self AND
OTHERS, always returning from self to OTHERS.



People are driven to various actions against Self and these are very hurtful. If I
read this from the perspective of MANY, I would think what a crap for ONE to
manifest in me as an addict or worse. Even if I choose as MANY to take personal
responsibility for all my actions, seek help, etc., the pull or drive might still

Doesnt remain. Cant remain. Its only NOW. Do I want to/choose to be an
alcoholic NOW? No. So I am not (or can call myself recovering). In five minutes if
I feel I cant stand it and going to get that drink, I can choose again: Active or
recovering alcoholic?

But what about those five minutes in between when the pull was growing.
There were no five minutes. There is NOW when an alcoholic is removing the
core belief that he/she is an active alcoholic and supports this choice for
himself/herself with actions. His/her inner removal of the belief and recovery is
demonstrated outside as a change of behavior.

Well, it would be very difficult for me to adopt this view if I was depressed.
This is a difficult topic. So you have been already depressed or sort of grieving.
And you proceeded to tell yourself to put your chin up, recite all sorts of
positive affirmations, surround yourself with others who supported you or
provided different outlook or entertainment.

But I felt its these things and people helping me (and to a degree my
brainwashing myself) - the real things and real people helping real me. Thats a
big difference. These were outward things (say books, nice dinner) and people
NOT UNDER MY CONTROL, having their OWN SAY and WILL helping me. Out of
their own choice. And I didnt have a clue what they will do or say and could be
really touched.

Beautiful. So the story can remain even under the premise of ONEness (and your
ability to experience chosen reality). The consciousness in various
manifestations (IDENTITIES) is helping/interacting with itself. Amazing. They
still had their own will and you still didnt know what will happen and could be

So every single thought and emotion I ever had was ONE/consciousness in
my IDENTITY (within the set of my core beliefs)? Why should this be helpful
at all? How about that depression?

The helpful point in here is that if you are NOT ENJOYING your experience, you
might want to try to play with your core beliefs.
If you ARE ENJOYING well thank yourself and VOID in happiness. Usually, if you
are really enjoying your experience, you are fully in it not thinking about the
next sex (if you are in the middle of a good one) or about the next idea (if here is

something interesting developing). Every moment, you choose yourself as you

are (where you are) and live it.
However, if you are NOT enjoying yourself, you might try adjusting your identity
to be more comfortable IN the moment (rather than numbing your experience or
fearing each next second).

You might enlarge your identity and the identity of your world by learning
something new about the world, some new skill, knowledge in books, by taking
on activities with others that define your identity through relationships (mother,
lover, friend, student, volunteer). While learning engaging in the structure of
your OUTER WORLD you might come to lots of loving of others and loving of
the creation itself. (Delight in all other people, books written, cakes baked, the
nature outside). All involvement, engagement with the OUTER world is learning,
as you are creating and validating your IDENTITY.

Every thought/feeling that you choose to act upon or express I say the words, I
express the feelings, I do as I think and feel - creates and validates your
IDENTITY. The though/feeling that you dont choose to support with any action
or expression is not creating or validating your IDENTITY in the outer world.
You might think/feel many things, but if you do not express them or do not
choose to act upon them, these remain hanging around you as an UNEXPRESSED
identity shadow.

Light or Dark Shadow is a collection of thoughts/feelings that you were aware
of but did not express or act upon. You applied a choice. Do I want this (picking
up a drink) in my IDENTITY (to be an active alcoholic) or not (and so remain a
recovering alcoholic). All those thoughts/feelings that you became aware of but
chose not to follow can be viewed as something that IS always there. The shadow
is infinite. You can have millions of passing thoughts from being a millionaire to
harming another but you are IN CHARGE, you have a choice to express them or
act upon them or NOT.

In the passage of Thought being equal to deed, thought was a conscious thought
not a thought that is always in the shadow and can pass through my mind (I
might become aware of it) but INTENTION=CONSCIOUS CHOSEN THOUGHT. I
actively imagine. Creative visualization. Holding/nurturing an image by choice.

You need to understand that you are perfectly in charge to dismiss a thought and
not to express it. If you really try to integrate your shadow, then you are asking
for the state of ONE and that I do not recommend. I recommend holding in your
minds the images that you choose and express and act upon the
thoughts/feelings that appeal to you. Then you ARE LIVING your chosen

Thoughts that pass by and keep returning to your awareness (you cannot shake
them) and you feel the need to deny or suppress them are the MIRROR OF

If I adore You out of fear of hell, burn me in hell. If I adore You out of desire for
paradise, lock me out of paradise. But if I adore You alone, do not deny to me
Your eternal beauty. Rabia al-Adawiyya, 8th century Sufi mystic

Fear of something (of an attribute, of evil etc.) is rejecting that quality of Self.
You are IN CHARGE not to express or not to act upon every thought/feeling
passing and thus to HOLD YOUR IDENTITY well clean if you wish.

However, you are challenged to accept what IS. And I am afraid everything IS.
Even the most disgusting scenario IS. And what? So IS, was and will be!!! Lets let
it BE as Beatles put it.

Your IDENTITY is your personal business, you put in it what you choose to
express and act upon. Your shadow is never-ending, if you see something
interesting passing through your awareness, then grab it! Make a choice to
express and act upon that thought.

Fear is trying to separate the ESSENCE of ONE and exclude uncomfortable bits. If
you are ONE NOW, then I totally sympathize and would immediately NOW
choose to exclude from that perception (look around, see what is HERE AND
NOW), as that truly is a HORROR to fear.

But if you have a sense of IDENTITY and you have intrusive thoughts that you are
afraid of, then accept them. Send them through your mind back to the shadow,
wave them goodbye and see you later. They are but they have NO POWER over

FEAR is not recognizing you have a choice.
Or in the state of ONE, recognizing there is no choice left (ouch).

On the other hand, you might decide to try to shift your IDENTITY line upward to
acquire some sense of ONEness and loosen a grip on over-identification with
your life situation.

Why might be a sense of ONEness beneficial? For the acceptance of all. Not
identification with all but acceptance. If you choose to see yourself in others
and in everything (dont over do!!), the resentments, regrets, misunderstandings
might drop. You might see a sense in creation that is not purely white/light;
however, you choose your IDENTITY. You might see how you can accept what IS
and simultaneously stay AS YOU CHOOSE TO BE.


(in the language of ONE: I love me as I am, but I express myself as)

Acceptance leads to non-conflict and that is the desired state.
Yes, desired state for unification and I have seen where that leads
If a state of ONEness, the absolute completeness, is choice-less (which equals
pure FEAR), then outwardly in our reality this means WORLD PEACE AND LOVE
would lead to a massive panic attack I assume.

As people would not have a CHOICE to express their true nature. It would be an
UNBEARABLE LIGHTness of BEING (not in the sense as depicted by Milan
Kundera, god bless him).


So if you IMAGINE that you are ONE and that is just terrible, I keep repeating
this, so it sinks deep - you quickly split in two. In order for the choices to be
possible, the two must be different OTHER, so attributes arise. GOOD/BAD,
LIGHT/DARK. So the shadow is now pretty simple Good/Light and Bad/Dark.
Your IDENTITY is your CHOICE. You choose Good/Light. However, in that case
part of ONE, part of the ESSENCE/consciousness/true nature remains UN-

As no one is attending to (paying attention, loving) this part of ONE, it is a story
of LOVE REJECTED. ONE rejects part of oneself. Rejected love is truly painful.
ONE is Good/Light but simultaneously has a broken heart. There is a conflict in

In an outer scenario, you can always choose your IDENTITY (your expressed
self) and it can be a purified Good/Light. However, you might feel you are not
expressing your true nature and that might cause an inner conflict (of not being
authentic, or lets say much less than rigorously honest). So you say: No inner
conflict!! Show me the way of a Buddhist non-conflict! How?

LOVE the devil within you. Loving!
But that is attending to, expressing the devil? But I chose my IDENTITY of

Ok. So in the shadow, there are all thoughts. You are expressing what you chose.
You might choose some very strong actions expressing Good/Light (as risking
your own Life for someone elses etc.). Or you might give me a Hobnobs,
alternatively white chocolate. In both cases, you are expressing the ESSENCE of

For the devil within you to be loved and attended to, so that you can live in non-
conflict, expressing your true nature, you can do the same. Express the ESSENCE
of the evil in the way that is in accordance with your IDENTITY. From the
shadow, you can get various ideas. Raise a middle finger (my favorite). Eat
someone elses pack of Hobnobs or white chocolate and help them search for it.
Say no, even though you dont really know if you are objectively right, but you
feel you dont want to do it. Break a rule that was never yours a learnt rule
(girls dont French kiss girls or something, you know which one!!!).

In accordance with your IDENTITY. Allow yourself to express your true nature.
Enough of I LOVE MYSELF WHOLE but I AM ONLY GOOD/LIGHT. I am in conflict
just writing that. You feel within that little punk that wants to be loved. Out with
it!!! Allow for yourself and everyone else around. Let the world be inhabited with
GOOD/LIGHTpunks and in non-conflict. The ESSENCE wants to look at itself

But GOOD/LIGHTpunks would also argue? Lots of raised middle fingers? Affairs?
Broken hearts? For sure, yeah!!! Apart from the broken hearts.
If you express yourself authentically as GOOD/LIGHTpunks, then surely you will
be more receptive to recognize the ESSENCE(s) in another. Being on each corner
of a triangle (even as a mental exercise) heals a broken heart (in time). I
forgive everything, I forgive everyone, I forgive myself.

Ok. But Dark/Bad is being expressed pretty dramatically in the outer world. Why
are these choices made? And from the extreme ONE perspective, how could I
ever do some of those deeds?

The structure of the IDENTITY enables further choices (in a time/space
language). So if the IDENTITY includes core beliefs such as in war men need to
kill, then the choice to kill under such situation might be made. Core beliefs
include not only your personal history, but also history as such etc. (the identity
of your world now). Western psychology describes very well how such a choice
might feel right for an individual based on his/her conditioning (upbringing,
wealth, health, etc.).

But what about the deeds in TEMPORARY INSANITY? This writing, for example.
What about that I couldnt help myself. I chose NO and I was driven to do it (yes,
also to call that boy who is not interested). Driven by my true nature I assume.
What then?

You always have a choice, always, always, always. Some choices though really
need to be made every MOMENT. For example, if you wanted to stop working on
this book, you could immerse yourself into your daily experience (and focus your
attention and love on another or something else) or you could artificially forget
by disabling your brain by some convenient medication. However, you would
probably feel very driven to write further in the moments you would shift focus
from your daily experience (e.g. while thinking on the train). You still can
choose NO. Some NOs just need to be repeated every moment (at least for some
time). You can say I was driven to write this book. I wanted to do anything for
His Glory and million similar affirmations over years, wanted to heal, wanted to
discover, wanted to love all; basically I wanted everything that is mentioned
here, only didnt imagine it like this!! And with un-planned ending!!

So you have been making a very strong choice (or lets say you did not take many
opportunities to UN-CHOOSE) throughout your Life experience, but you are still
baffled by the form it has taken. Not my plan!!! Exactly. In the language of Tyler
Cowen: the complex, *unintended consequences of human action!

From the extreme ONEness position you can see how it is an ANTI-PLAN
DESIGN. Choices with unpredictable results. Leading to more unpredictable
choices with unpredictable results. Meaningful continuation.

So the events of your Life might not exactly take on the form you would expect
when you are deciding, but they do reflect the essence you chose. Any MOMENT
you can UN-CHOOSE and immerse yourself into a different experience - not pick

up a drink if you are choosing recovery, stop writing and switch to exercising if
you are choosing enough of BULL-shit.
(Anything that happened to you so far can be seen as a MIRROR of your
decreasing core beliefs.).

note added during typing: so far???!!!!

What about those things as illnesses you are born with.

*Unintended here meaning the consequences do stem from the choice, but are
surprising or even shocking for the person who actually went with the choice.


GOOD/LIGHTpunks expressing themselves more authentically, plus more
understanding of others

How does that help world peace?
It helps personal inner peace. Being whole and at the same time expressed. How
it helps world peace, no idea. I dont think such a scenario has been tested yet.
Understanding that I am all, but only need to express an essence of all to feel
whole, to be authentic.

So why such a drastic history of humankind? Why all those totally horrid acts?
Perhaps to document the true nature.
To demonstrate such drastic scenarios that it would be very hard for a human
to consider his/her kind CLEAN/SAINT.

But that was not me!!
Although I dont recommend stretching yourself to ONE, try stretching yourself
to include your family: Any horrid acts in your family? Then your nation, then
your age group. These are your people. Horrid acts were demonstrated/done.

Now no bashing needs to follow this exercise, no punishing yourself for
misbehaving so much in your past. Just see for yourself whether you could view
these as extreme manifestations of your true nature that NEVER EVER need to be
repeated if you choose NOT to at every MOMENT. If you love yourself whole,
raising that middle finger instead.

Is it difficult to be writing this book?

Yes, pretty difficult.

More difficult than other experiences of my Life as Ika? Normal Life? (surgeries,
divorce, rejected love, medium carrier success)

No, not more difficult.

Was it also joyful to be writing this book?

Well, in very brief moments. I was really amazed. At the love. And the beauty and
you knowwouldnt want to be kissing anyONEs ass now.
Yes, as my real Life, I get your drift.

Why this god bless him/her phrase?
Its such a nice expression, lets everyone check him/her out.

And so how do you feel now?

I just sit where I'm put,
composed of stone and wishful thinking:
that the deity who kills for pleasure
will also heal,
that in the midst of your nightmare,
the final one, a kind lion
will come with bandages in her mouth
and the soft body of a woman,
and lick you clean of fever,
and pick your soul up gently by the nape of the neck
and caress you into darkness and paradise.
(Margaret Atwood)

After great pain, a formal feeling comes
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The Feet, mechanical, go round
A Wooden way
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone

This is the Hour of Lead
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow
First Chill then Stupor then the letting go
(Emily Dickinson)


So the IDENTITY is choosing witch thoughts from the shadow to express or act
upon. Thoughts here are also impulses, promptings, stuff appearing in
awareness. These thoughts might be in thousand languages and very specific
infinite variations (grab that Hobnobs, non-coding RNA might regulate
chromatin structure, etc.) but there is only one essence. No essences, essence.
Your identity is choosing how do you express that essence and how much joy or
pain you derive from that choice.

In your worst case scenario, the essence is looking through your eyes and
recognizes itself and everyone/thing (else) as an illusion. At the same time
realizing that the person next to you can be having exactly the same experience
essence looking through his eyes and recognizing himself and you as an

If those two people could not forget this by attending to each other, that would
be a meaningless end of the world. The merit of this example is that although it
is the same essence, and here we can really say THE SAME EXACTLY, whether
those two people (who recognized this tragedy) will now start holding hands is
uncertain, as it depends on the choice of both people (and neither one knows
precisely what the other person is thinking/feeling or what he/she will choose to

Those two can now stay within their identities and ask each other, communicate
verbally, or raise that middle finger (in case of Ika if someone asked to physically
hold her hand just because he recognized he IS the ESSENCE). Or they can choose
to shift attention upwards from their IDENTITY somewhat towards ONEness
and sense the ESSENCE of the thoughts/feelings of the other person (without
any outward action).

As ESSENCE you can sense as much as you wish, but with no feedback and
validation - nothing is happening. You might sense this or that very correctly but
the choice of the other person is not demonstrated in front of you. So when you
get bored of being the ESSENCE and sensing, you might decide for yourself to
get real now, quit being a chicken and risk the Loving reaction demonstrated in
front of you (out of the safety of your mind). You might decide to just grab that
hand (as there is no point asking Ika, proceed to direct actions) and observe with
AWE the choice or series of choices Ika would subsequently make. Rather than
meaningless bored sensing, there is an endless opportunity for interacting and


As I was taking shower, I was thinking from the position of Ika that the ESSENCE
is playing a trick on me after all. Although I can see how my life experiences and
my reading and exploration history all lead me to my personal experience of
ESSENCE, I of course cannot know how disturbing such writing as this, or similar
experience can be for others. (Nature of Personal Reality seemed pretty
disturbing to me at one point good old times.)

So there is the scenario, in which in future, people could be abandoning their
earthly identities and not living but sensing each other. Instead of an email that
is an evidence, real stuff you would just turn toward telepathy etc.
The real life becoming less real. Less physical, less touchable. This scenario of my
great-grandchildren (well, if B is willing) not even meeting, or sitting at the
computer together playing a shooting game, but pondering: Can you imagine that
there was a point in human history when people didnt recognize they are
ESSENCE and they bothered with you know everything, Life. Scary.

But inconsistent as in that sentence, there is already a strong grip on the world
IDENTITY expressed (human, history, people). So in this scenario the middle line
of personal IDENTITY is lifted upward towards the ESSENCE - and I still dont
find it useful in a sense, as it takes away meaning from everyday life.

There is though a radical difference for me here from the day of Love going to
fully meet itself vision quest. That Love was quite confused, the main objective
there was an Ego death and looking beyond the IDENTITY of Ika (but in Ikas
home setting, with home life going on as usual). Even if I (from the position of
Ika) recognized/lived a vision that everyone/thing could be made of Love, I saw
that one choice is all that it takes (that Love fully met must ask another question
or die). One choice in one particular manifestation/illusion. That is why the
experience was so highly disturbing and powerful (and sad). However now, even
though I dont like the idea of moving the middle line of personal IDENTITY all
the way upwards towards the ESSENCE, I can see that for ESSENCE to be in
danger of fully meeting itself it would require or would depend on number of
choices in a huge number of manifestations/IDENTITIES/people.

You are never making a CHOICE for the ESSENCE. Never. You are always making
a choice for yourself now. And while I am following this interesting line of
thought, I am simultaneously perpetuating my IDENTITY by deciding to go to
work tomorrow and do a proper experiment for once, as well as go out and buy
new pack of Hobnobs.

The idea of my son coming to sudden recognition of being the ESSENCE and
loosing meaning of his Life is wellimpossible right now, its ridiculous!! While
there are computer games, there is always meaning to Life.

The IDENTITY of the world is changing anyway faster and faster. Our
grandmothers think we dont know what real life is, with our sitting in the offices
and talking through computers. We only get to properly talk and hang out
together on Friday nights in the pubs (or in AA meetings). Yeah, sometimes I
think, grandma is right, I miss hiking, I should be more out, or I should hang out
with more people and small talk (not only with those few of my people for
endless discussions). But then I like my lab work, and staying at home reading
or working on the computer. The whole progress thing, its my world now and I
enjoy some of the old ways and many of the new ways. My son doesnt miss
spending the whole afternoon outside with other kids wasting time. That was my
thing. They do what they do NOW.

Is all the technology already the end of the world? More open sexual expression,
gender change? Globalization? The end of the world as our grandparents knew it,

For me having a son was the end (of my Life at early 20s) now I (and his Dad
too) see it as the best thing we have done and what a pity that it wasnt triplets
(not sure though there can be more children as great as B).
Meditation and all the exploration in that area was the end (of my Life/world as I
knew it) not sure yet I am considering this a good thing. I dont know yet.

All these changes of our worlds are coming about by removing our beliefs in
what IS or is not possible. As we accept an event/attitude/advance as possible
and go through with it (e.g make time and space for a baby- I mean hook into
those finances of your parents; or connect ourselves good and proper with the
internet across the entire planet) then we can all test and see whether that was
a good idea. We can then bring about opposing ideas (no more children for the
overpopulated planet, or Live Slow) to self-correct or support more choices.
From the perspective of an identity now, it is impossible to know how our
collective choices will be enjoyed/or not in the future.

The ESSENCE discovers itself only by living the experiences and via the choices
of a particular IDENTITY. Many years ago, when I was first introduced to the
Power of Now (Tolle), I stopped reading it when Eckhart claimed that he is not
speaking to me through words only, but through a vibration. I had a good laugh
and never finished reading what for sure is an excellent book. Later, when among
Yogis who check their vibrations all the time, I have removed this core belief and
proceeded to feel certain texts or type of music as meaningful to me not only via
the explicit content but also because they made me feel right, they had a good
vibe for me. So I concluded, what the heck, I developed certain suggestibility.

Then I realized that suggestibility is when you open yourself to accept new
beliefs to learn, to condition yourself and is an exact opposite of what I was
doing questioning my old beliefs about reality and going with what felt right
for me (within me) and did not hurt others. That is all true but only to the point
of the vision quest and the experiencing of ONEness or ESSENCE in a degree that
I wouldnt recommend!!

So these past days I am following these lines of thoughts out of pure curiosity
and wondering what happened to the Loving concept? If there werent the Love
quest trick, I wouldnt likely pay attention to this, as I was always worried that I
might prefer snooping around to Loving, always in a conscious struggle to keep
Love first in everything.

When I am attending to Ika, focusing on and Loving Ikas IDENTITY and the
identity of her world I do what feels right here and now as Ika. Eat Hobnobs,
watch a movie with B and finally go to work tomorrow, you lazy punk. Are these
all Loving choices to myself and others? Who knows. I see my reality here and
now and do what I can what feels right/acceptable to me at the moment. Is
this an acceptable plan for the day? Yes it is. Does it make me particularly joyful?
Not really, depends on the movie and whether B will be telling jokes. Is it overly
dramatic, is anyone getting hurt at the moment, or am I breaking any of my
standing principles that I yet cannot break? No. I am not really going against
myself or others, I am going with the best possible options I see at the moment
that feel ok, I can do this, I see the least hurt in it (or none, if we dont count
that these are Bs Hobnobs) and it might be fun. Is this generating some
considerable Love? Well, unlikely in a usual sense of the word, but it feels

Choice that CAN be done at the moment with most ease
Feels right, the (next) best thing to do
In accordance with your own rules
Not necessarily joyful or fun

Going against yourself, pushing to be or to do as you have been told but
never feeling right
In accordance with the OUTSIDE RULES of society, upbringing,
Damn painful


inner child, vulnerability


inner child, vulnerability


I felt from the beginning that I am NOT what my parents and everyone else were
telling me. I tried to be that, but it never felt right, it caused me a lot of pain (and
in extension lot of pain to my loved ones and people in contact with me)

This continues as an AA analogy.


The best choice from the position of ONE
The best choice from the position of MANY

The best choice for everyONE
The best choice for IDENTITY

Trying to make the best possible choice. Most Loving NOW.

One life
You got to do what you should

We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other

(no need to credit here, he wanted to work pro bono)

Ika (identity) does not choose everything that has occurred, is occurring or will
occur in her Life.
Ika (identity) has a choice every moment.


From the perspective of ONE, there is no starting or end point, only
Desire to continue=desire to experience
INTENTION=desire to experience
Choices appear only in the context of MANY

ONE-intention-desire to experience
MANY- choices, trajectory

Being born into certain IDENTITY: congenital illness, family background,
culture, sexuality, skills/talents, drives, perversions
LESSONS in essence: encountering certain type of experience/events
(e.g. tsunami, illness during life, accidents)

Choices of everyday: what am I doing with myself at every MOMENT, how
am I experiencing every MOMENT
Altering my identity and my experience NOW with removing or acquiring
core beliefs

Natural Love
Unconditionally accepting
Honoring the arrangement
Accepting the given role
No conscious CHOICE
Effortless unfolding
In nature and in the Garden of Eden/Evil before the rule was broken

Loving principle
Conscious acceptance of your DIFFERENCES
Seeing the variety of MANY and Loving/accepting it
Actively chosen acceptance even against conditioning
Allowing unfolding


Even if Love is so un-expressed by CHOICE (of participants, or one participant in
the case of love un-requited) that for the identity feeling that Love it becomes
unreal (Ika cannot really go around talking any more about E after ages of
nothing, well only in this book)

Do not worry
That Love IS
It was/is/and will be
Beautifully floating in the shadow
With your names on it

Still there if you ever
find that NOW is appropriate
to express it
and let it Live on Earth.



has its own momentum, own drive
you might feel a bit overtaken by the flow
you are flowing though, fully doing it, it gets done
the desire might feel as personally un-chosen, but is present strongly

By choice

you work it
creating your own willpower
might be difficult to initiate as in the absence of (strong) desire
I dont really feel like it now, but lets do it, as it is good for me or another

ENERGY=WILL POWER= the driver of the action

God conceived Adam and Eve and
Many of One now conceive at much more impressive rate
Anti-conception: being a responsible creator/manifestor



AA principles above personalities

NoBody should speak for the ESSENCE.
If you step out publicly as an AA member, people might make judgments about
the organization depending on your behavior. E.g. terminal alcoholics surely
must consider themselves to be an ESSENCE etc.
That might damage the functioning of the organization, or upset its members
(and almost every AA feels inside that it is not right). In order to protect the
ESSENCE (and the Loving nature) of the fellowship, everyone agrees to stay
anonymous (or decrease the sense of their identity).

In the ESSENCE/For ESSENCE EveryBody counts or nobody counts.
Most of the people in AA, although they are rather proud alcoholics in recovery,
protect the identity of themselves and others within the meetings and outside
for two more reasons. Firstly, its nobodys business on the outside who is or is
not an alcoholic. Secondly, it doesnt really matter who you are outside, in the
ROOM, you are an alcoholic with a desire to stay sober and help others achieve
sobriety. Its the ESSENCE in the ROOM. Very democratic, including people from
the street and office, with various stories but most importantly also with
various opinions and attitudes (even about the fellowship itself everything
from I love AA, god bless you all. to I cant stand being here, but I cant stand
being on the outside either. is expressed).

In the room (in essence, in one) everybody, every IDENTITY however it is,
counts. Every IDENTITY IS to achieve/become and help others to
achieve/become. Its EveryBodys business to help everybody else.

Try to view existence as a room. The best show in the town for an alcoholic, but
where everyone is an alcoholic. In the language of Harry Bosh (who is also
getting very tired with his investigations lately): Everybody counts or nobody
counts. If Harry Bosh felt that he couldnt follow a murderer of a prostitute (or
anyone), he would feel a loss of meaning. If in PRINCIPLES OVER
PERSONALITIES the principle is Loving and personalities are Identities, then
when ONE cannot Love (attend to, shift focus towards, express itself as) any
possible IDENTITY, then the meaning is lost.

Harrys quest is to revenge anyone.
ONEs quest is to Love itself in any expression. To express anyone.

As ONE I choose my own expression and I choose my own conditioning and de-
conditioning. Some identities are born with many challenges as health
challenges, or transgender feelings, or challenging callings. However, being born
is one choice, and every moment is another choice that can alter the experience.
In the perspective of ONE, having couple of half-vertebras is as Loved/attended
to as having a perfectly standard skeleton. The choice remains for the IDENTITY
to further deal with her condition as she chooses. Having a desire to paint and
being born with a talent for painting is equally attended to (Loved) as having an
inquisitive mind. With these conditions, people can choose to develop their
painting or explore spirituality or NOT. If you choose NO to your condition, you
will alter your experience. You can forget painting and spirituality and shift your
focus (and attend to) mothering. Or if you say NO every moment to the despair of
Life without limbs, you can alter your experience and become a great source of
hope and love for millions of people as Nick Vujicic has done, god bless him.

As you often see the merit of yours or someone elses particular experience only
much later, you might complain that from perspective of MANY/IDENTITY you
cannot fully judge the impact of your lifes events or lives of others (or world

events) on continuation of existence. Yes, it cannot be known or predicted what

it was good for and that is the only way to continue. But let the feelings of self-
pity and uselessness disappear. EveryBody counts or nobody counts.


to remember/recognize INCLUDE/LOVE ONEself
to forget EXCLUDE/NOT LOVE ONEself

No choice
Cessation of existence

Variety of choices


Could I accept/love myself like this?
Could I accept/love myself like that?

I dont know. I try (experience).

ONE by choosing the attributes own conditioning, forgetting is choosing
meaningful existence in the context of creation/illusions/MANY

ONE is non-existent without attributes

By conditioning oneself by forgetting: ONE challenges oneself to be
accepted/included and loved in all its manifestations in the context of MANY in
the infinite EXPERIENCE OF NOW

DOWN TO HELL. (C. Jung, god bless him)

Shared from Thinking
Minds (Facebook)

This IS a giffy, so
imagine the heart

When people loose the separating concept of SIN
When they embrace all aspects of their existence on Earth with a beating heart
Then they might find themselves to be a NEW AGE and to be a GARDEN OF EDEN
where trees bear no forbidden fruits


First, what happened at the beginning?

1. Adam and Eve break the peace and quiet by their enquiry. Alternatively,
they liberate themselves from the burden of ONEness by acquiring

2. They are expelled from such choice-less natural love, forgetting their
MAN/GOD ONEness, their true nature.

3. Adam and Eve wonder the Earth, pro-create, live but are never feel GOOD
ENOUGH carrying the stain of sin. Some wonder whats the point of it
here, others miss and long for their God.

Discovering the new garden

3. Adam and Eve stay firmly rooted to their Earthly existence. With a
beating heart. Together, they practice Loving principle in their world.

2. They can choose to awaken into their ONEness by remembering, re-
turning to their true nature.

1. They can arrive in the place of Neutrality accepting ALL as IS in its
variety. Remembering their MAN/GOD ONEness, they continue to
experience meaning through love, (pro)creation and thinking about what
rule they could brake this time.


HOW I AM/WHO I AM natural learning/conditioning/ establishing my identity

I AM- a sense of identity

CAN I BE LOVED AS I AM? - can I accept/love my life, can I accept/love life?

I AM always adjustable by acquiring or removing core beliefs


1) Its crucial to check my Facebook, in case some OTHERS experience their
own revelation and finally invite me out (for coffee, not water).
2) It is enjoyable to sit in a (relatively) tidied home now, although the
experience of cleaning is truly infinite.
3) As I hear from below where my son is playing with his Russian friend:
some call chess a game of sacrifice. You need black and white to
continue, but if the players are buddies (two as one), it is not about
winning but always striving for the best choices.
4) I am definitely anchored by listening to Plan Bs Playing with fire, in part
thinking about burning these pages, in part thinking its too late for you
5) I am anchored by the stories in my books (big book, comic book and bible
book), and by the stories that others tell me. By my father who reads Tao
in the evening but would send over a part of Sunday sermon -last Sunday
in the sermon Jesus re-appeared back on Earth to prove all is fine, and all
he cared to do was help his disciple guys get some fish, so that he (and
them) could finally eat.
6) Now I am definitely going to lab next Monday (a bit of an oxymoron, those
I love). Nothing changed in my external reality, nothing in my biography.
Everything is different than I thought/was taught before.
7) On my fridge hangs the Fake Fur manga rhyme (although the drawings
are also highly recommended!!):

When I finally noticed it,
It was too late.
Love if only I knew when it began
I could have averted my eyes.

As beautiful as it is: I will mess with it a bit.

Now that I am awake.

It cant be early or late
Loving was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without
end. Amen.

Loving = accepting all as it IS (naturally or by choice)

SECOND SUNDAY (day 14th)

By this time, most of the pages of these notebooks were also re-typed into my
laptop and I woke up with intention to live another day and sort out the mess at
the beginning of notebook 5 (as it seemed really repetitive). At the moment, my
working style is very similar by that experienced during my studies and at my
work you need to work it and think about it. I have no real guidance as in a
sense of direct though of do like this or strike that out. I have a strong sense
that I shouldnt go back and edit the experience (as honestly I wouldnt even
know where to start, as those questions I would not ask from the retrospect), nor
had I found a way how to change the details of my personal life to make it even
more anonymous (for example, not only my family will have a chance to
recognize me, well, my sister gave me the nickname when we were toddlers, but
also I did express myself to the circle of my dear ones; all the Letters if they ever
encounter this text and read it, must recognize themselves). I would have to
fabricate. I have no idea how. Family, friends, Letters and everyone that is
part of this story (everyone indeed)I hope very much you will support the
spirit of anonymity.

But most importantly, I am reading that quantum book which combines the
previous quantum books now (as I woke up freezing and weak, and interpreted
it as I dont have the power to go and sit with my powerpoint) and I would like
to make a final series of notes here. Not only freezing, I am also annoyed. Taking
radical responsibility for me in this moment, I am disappointed in myself for
giving me all those medical troubles (embarrassing ones, I can tell you) and
those sad occurrences of the past years (yes, that boy too) all that just to be
ready to write this book?? (I was much nicer to myself though in the earlier life
giving me a very good husband and of course B aby)


Consider 1. and 2. not to be points -only questions

summary of my notes from the 6th notebook
I will really not try to follow my logic here, as its a time of Sunday rest
Using Brian Coxs Everything that can happen does happen as a

if we know the wave, we can say where the electron is likely to be

proposing that the electron wave spreads out to fill the Universe in an instant

(IS) - the electron wave
here as defined above - as a consciousness in the context of (un-separable
from) its illusions/creation

information cannot travel faster than the speed of light

as c is the speed of light, - the universal speed limit

consciousness in the context of creation (c2)

(creation and consciousness are inversely proportional in c2)
complete within myself


E = M x


Strength to do/to be at the moment


My personal POWER
My personal choice at the moment
Acquires values from above 0 to 1


ONE in OTHERS, in time (history) and space

Man wants to do as he wills: closer to 1
Man doesnt want to do as he wills (chooses to resist, to alter his experience)
closer to 0

continues as RESISTING YOUR WILL later


choice-less rest
acquiring personal POWER to alter/adjust your experience at every
waking moment

In sleep I remember ONEself. I forget my personal reality and discover more of
the shadow. The grip of the core beliefs is loosened, I am more permeable to the
waves of thoughts/images to pass through and show me what IS.


not resisting the pull or calling
my values aligned with the pull (e.g. now I finally start to see clearly the
merit of the book, so I am starting to really enjoy the process of
discovering more)
feeling you are in the right place doing the right thing
naturally like a fish in a sea
no need to rush or to slow down
paying attention to your thoughts, feelings and dreams what are they
trying to tell me?, what are the people around telling me?, what is
facebook telling me? (what is the universe telling me now?)
appreciating the moment, knowing this is possibly really the best
moment of my life
no doubting the purpose
can concentrate on what I am doing, without being distracted by making
the choice the choice (yes to the universe) is made
A MAN wants to do WHAT HE WILLS
tapping universal energy

In E=M x

M=1 if in the expanded state I say yesin this instance, in accordance with the
values of my identity, in accordance with my setting, in accordance with all that I
have already done in my life, I CAN now do what I WILL

(If I dislike what I am being pulled towards, if it is in disagreement with
IDENTITY I am choosing I can always resist, every moment of every day and
my experience is altered.)


We always knew within that LOVING is not grabbing, is not owning, is not only
being illogically pulled towards, doesnt need to be dramatic, is not just
admiring, is not just feeling happy.

higher service we can do for ANOTHER than accepting him/her as they are NOW.

Lets exchange trying to see the good in ourselves and in each situation and
person, for trying to see ourselves and them fully as we/they are and accepting.

Sit in your heart.
Sit in I am that I am.
Sit in he/she is as they are.
Sit in it is as it is.
Sit in your heart.
Sit in the center.
Sit in neutrality.
Sit in your heart.

As consciousness can exist only in the context of its creation there is no
heaven of pure consciousness and you dont need to long for that home to come
back to. YOU ARE HOME (still that same yin-yang place).

And because we cannot know how our interconnected actions will influence each
other, how very valuable something we are going through or are working on
was, is and will be - each moment is precious, for us to BE. We are not an
accident of our parents, we are not some forgotten people sitting closed up in
our homes (or our cells, or our hospital beds). We are consciousness in its
creation that is needed. That is wanted. Lets put it really straight nothing IS
without us. We are required to BE.


There was a time when naturally only a man and a woman could continue
existence together. There was a time when human gender seemed to be fixed.
There was a time when human had less time to live in one lifetime. Creating a
union between a man and a woman very early in their lives, having children and
maintaining that stable home for the children to grow in, was the standard
channel, the appropriate most meaningful- scenario at those times. In the
human life now, is there still a biological need for a relationship with another?
Hell yes. (Life without the pleasure of sexcease existence!!) But not only are the
gender or parental obligations now much more mixed, most importantly the
families with parents of older ages or the families of parents of the same gender
are possible in the context of current science and medicine.

As procreation and family life in this time is no longer dependent on one defined
model of relationship between adults, your relationship is always a choice. You
can choose what you prefer, what feels right for you (for yourself and others
around you).

Mutual exclusivity is a choice. Spending the entire life together with another is a
choice (every moment of that life together). Exquisite choice - and the only one
appropriate - for some but not all.

Is it possible to hold two people romantically in your heart? For sure, and most
of us have done it but BASHING OURSELVES for that for a bigger heart (calling
it an unstable organ which cannot commit properly and in depth). Holding more
people in your heart is perfectly compatible with expressing what is appropriate
for you according to your values - to what you feel is right. You might not feel it is
right to start a relationship with a farther/mother of a family, on the contrary it
might feel damn painful and not at all an option for you. Yet, the love for that
untouchable mother/father still is, persists. What of it? A broken heart? No!! A
bigger heart put the untouchable in that heart to sit in. You might think; well I
will run out of chairs, there can be an entire convention of untouchables
happening in my heart right now. Does that mean you are unsuccessful in love in
the outer world? You are doing things wrong? There are no available people left?
That is for you to explore and discover. In the meantime, your current
untouchables sit in a comfortable place.

The expression of love towards someone is your choice- I accept you and your
beautifully very different attitude by being slightly annoyed and raising my
middle finger. I am amused by your otherness in a heated discussion, listening
for what I am telling myself this time. I love you with words, I love you with
hugs, and I love you with everything I have.

No need to bind, children, partners, friends. Some might be lost in time and
space for me in this life, but I wait for the sweet return of love by its own choice
(my audible addicted F riend, I wait).

In the language of colors, the age of enlightenment is the age when all the parts
of the rainbow are combined to shine. Detaching from the obligation of the life-
long monogamy of a man and woman that must persist no matter what, does not
mean detaching from love this is my solemn vow, I promise you this from my
heart, with my soul, for all the days of my life.


Ok, ok, ok, but I AM TIRED!!!

I live another day, 24h a day I do, but I am fucking tired. Exhausted. Everything
hurts me too, we really dont have space to outline here the details of that
everything (however much I would enjoy that, to properly complain, after deep-
looking and dissecting my sorry physical condition!!).

My heart is full of untouchables, my account is not full at all!! These are facts in
my reality (dont start with the illusion now!). And that is just myself - ok, I can
deal. But others in my life, my friends, my family some of them are having a
really rough time. Lots of illness, loneliness, work disappointments, family
arguments, sadness, tears, do you hear me??

What about that? I know it IS (dont repeat anymore, please). I am shouting what
about that IS? (No jokes here.)


Allow yourself

The tears.
I dont know what to do.
I dont even give a shit about spinning some balls in my mind, I am so tired.
I am disappointed in the product, in the relationship, in my own children!!!!
I absolutely dont have the energy for anything (not even removing a core belief
about not having the energy).
I wish I had a telephone number for that D, so he could drum and I and this
terrible mess around me could dissolve into essence.

Allow others

Their problems.
Their lessons.
Their struggle.
Their feelings.
Their not knowing what to do.

Take it as a void.
I void here in the core of the Earth, I am looking pretty mad. I have decided to
open my heart as much as I can, but nothing is happening yet. It is a long break.
Manic drums are beating, I void. I dont know where this is going, I void. I
wonder Is this how it ends? I void.
Until the Earth bursts, my body bursts, my heart bursts and from that heart I re-
emerge and am re-grown into a new situation, into a new Life.


Ok, so LOVING WHAT IS really means ACCEPTING WHAT IS. So I can just accept
from my bed: the people in my life, my work situation, the mess I call my life.
Why read so many pages just to say ACCEPT?

To understand that accepting what IS - is not resignation at all!!. It is
comprehension of what IS is made of. Of what we are all made of of our
COMMON true nature. Of the necessity of attributes, of the beauty of otherness,
of the meaningful continuation.

To understand that consciousness is meaningfully continuing through the lives of
all of us billions, together with those that were and will be. It is so complex that
no single human alone has the ability to understand it in its entirety and no two
extremely sophisticated manifestations (yes, us humans!!) even if of the same
make (of ONE/) could ever have the same life experience.

But most important of all - to start exploring yourself and your life experience.
TRUE LEARNING for a human means gaining an understanding of how to use
ones functions with the most efficiency (and pleasure if possible).

How do I reach for all that IS within me?
How do I change my current experience if I am not enjoying my situation?
How can I alter myself if I am not satisfied with my current identity?
How can I re-adjust my settings that I was born into/given (my conditioning -
my environment) now and what will be the outcome?


I understand that this is a necessary chapter, as I have just started to feel (even
more) pain (than usual) in my tummy. Also, in the middle of the being ONE
experience, when I did not see any meaningful way how to continue in such a
state where my entire past life and all the people I knew not only living ones
but also from our human history collapsed into a single moment, and
everyone/thing around me was cooperating on the birth of this book (that
already has been written) well in that state I briefly considered, what sort of
way out did I prepare myself in this manifestation once the book is finished.
And I was reminded of my upcoming appointments with the specialists in one of
the best hospitals in the country (where I am to undergo some further tests not
including the brain functions though).

You couldnt imagine a good way out of your situation. Those thoughts (the
fitting dates of your tests, the possible outcomes) are in the shadow, that
information IS, but that doesnt mean it IS your future. You could have treated
those thoughts precisely as any other intrusive thoughts, let them pass without
paying them attention. Start to actively grab the thoughts/images from the
shadow that depict a much nicer future for you, much more rewarding and
longer in your human years.

But such thoughts did not appear!!! I did not see them! They did not
spontaneously drop into my awareness, as those other ones.

Precisely. And as at this point we have a very good understanding of how the
identity is formed, you know why. These hopeful images, the healthy body, the
reception of this work that would bring you satisfaction and joy, that would
bring you the fulfilling of what you wanted and asked to do they just cannot
drop into your awareness. An image of yourself in a new family, or living with
another adult in your home also never just drops into your awareness. Your
conclusion (as you are so proud of your precognition) is well that is not to be, I
dont see it, so it is not happening for me. Or your little bit better conclusion,
well, I did not choose that for myself. Choose now.

Choose to remove those core beliefs that are filtering what drops into your
awareness on its own. Choose to be permeable also for the thoughts and images
of wellness, satisfaction and love received. Receive equally what is!! If there is
pain coming, so IS. If there is an illness coming, so IS, if there is a heartbreak
coming - that too IS. You receive that perfectly. With open arms. Look, how much
I can take and smiling! Very good, you are dealing. Now deal with success (your
personal one, knowing you have done what you wanted to do from very young
age). Deal with it!! Deal with sexiness, no excuses anymore to hide at home! Deal
with knowing, deal with being much further than you ever imagined going, and

having to find a new hobby (yes, the carpet was removed from the bath tub,
FINALLY). Deal with love, as it is and always will be coming to you.

But these core beliefs were put in place after experiencing illness, pain,
heartbreak, etc. (and for quite some time). I did not just decide after two weeks
of cold that I would never be entirely healthy again! Or after two bad dates that
romance is out of reach.

Everything we talked about earlier is correct. We all experience, we experience
different scenarios of what IS. What we need to try to come to recognition and to
try to love all. What we need to achieve intended.

You Ika like to proclaim very loudly and often how I dont think you can really
teach anyone anything of value and you even really feel that your work chore
of talking to students from the position of the supervisor is a bit of a waste of
time what when they can read first, and then they can do experiments!!
Performing a method successfully once with your supervisor only shows that it
can be done. Then it takes months or years to encounter most of the problems or
biases within that method and try to troubleshoot them. As much as I dont like
the term lessons you cant read your lessons, and you indeed need to live your
experiments, live your illness and live your heartbreak. If you pay attention, will
they lead you to recognition and increased Loving/acceptance? Hopefully yes. If
you fail to include/accept first time around, you might provide yourself with the
same experience and an opportunity to make a different choice and LOVE WHAT

Hopefully your experiences will steer you in two directions. One is the concept
we have just discussed working towards the largest acceptance, the biggest
heart. Challenging yourself with everything you are resisting. If you cannot
accept others telling you what to do, you might repeatedly encounter superiors
that will treat you from a position of strict authority. If you cannot accept serving
others with joy or some sense of satisfaction, you might challenge yourself with
demanding family members, or co-workers and feel in the constant servitude.

Try to accept, grow that heart and see what happens. Accept authority, accept
that serving is a privilege (and if you dont want to do something, then dont).
Accept and put in your heart. Once you go out into the world with authority and
joyful chosen service sitting firmly in your heart, let me know what happens.

The bigger the heart, the lighter the walk, the walk is becoming the flow. That
brings us to the second direction into which experiences steer us. To do/be what
IS intended. To deliver. If we still choose yes. We can deliver a baby. We can
deliver a book. We can deliver parties for our friends. We can be steered towards
a role. A condom broke, I am a mother. Photograph spoke, I am a writer of
awkward books, etc. But there was a choice, IS a choice, always to resist.

That brings us to the resistance. Resistance to accept what IS is a choice.
Respected. Heard. But might it be painful? Hell yes. Might it feel like there is no
power to go on? Tired? In an awkward loop of repeated experiences? Weird stuff

happening all around? Even within the most physical reality children being
really antagonistic, illnesses, financial struggle? Consider. Make a list: what am I
resisting? Children making terrible mess and not performing in school as I would
wish, not being able to work as hard as usually when I am ill, accepting money
from anyone. Could you look deeply and see if you might accept? Mess, lying in
bed, financial injection from your grandmother. Could you? Grow that heart, for
yourself and others.

All those experiences that you encountered were valuable. But did they prove
you are an ill person? Did they provide unalterable evidence that you from now
on live a life of Virgin Mary turn spinster with age that is unless those tests you
are going to have dont work out so you could check out earlier. No way. No

Check yourself, the queen of pain, suffering and death. Saying: you are the most
beautiful creature I have ever seen (not recently though) but unfortunately a
very ill spinster. Loving all but choosing not to receive any from others. Honor
others, dont underestimate your MANY. They have! They can! As much as you
do. They can give and you can receive.

Down with what you are resisting!!
Down with un-useful core beliefs!

See your reality change in front of your eyes, and this time that doesnt mean the
world will be floating and disappearing.


Note: This page was added the very last day of editing.

Ok, so I am a bit annoyed by the Albert meets Arthur equation now. The
implication here is that either you go with WHAT HE WILLS, either you follow
your bliss, calling, pull, but also impulse or compulsion!! and then you CAN
do/be with ease, or in the flow, or you need to RESIST.


You might shout: Ouch!!! Harsh! Immediately gather my MAN self and resist
writing this book (resist with M being very close to 0)!!

True, this would be the most disempowering equation of all times, if you were a
MAN. But you are not THAT. You are MAN and his WILL. You are both M and at
the same time.

So if E is the energy of a physical system, and Ika is the physical system, lets run
it through her day before she encountered the D rummer and her life got
disillusioned. So Ika wakes up and takes a train to her work. This is not a chore,
as she feels she is doing quite exciting experiments right now in the lab and can
read on the train. Energy is high, doing what she wills. As the lunchtime
approaches, she starts to think about her usual AA meeting, how she must skip,
because the incubation doesnt fit well with the timing. Instead of a passing
thought, Ika gets really annoyed on having to skip seeing her favorite fellows and
hearing what they have to say. So we have annoyance, repeated thoughts (or
intrusive if you wish), worse concentration on what is happening in the moment,
starting to make mistakes, out of the flow. Does this mean Ika will now chuck
the experiments and run to do as she wills? No, she straightens up, sip of coffee,
gathers her strength, sip of coffee, and off she goes correct the mistake, finish
the experiment. You might consider not going for an AA meeting, although a true
loss for Ika, a mild example. We can exchange it for not picking up when she
wills. Or for not arguing with authority when she wills (she wills very

So what is this going with the flow then, not resisting? That should put me into
that blissful state where things get done in a more effortless, easy way. Naturally.
Doesnt this mean I should not resist anything? Just go with my will all the time,
also with my obsessions, perversions, or all sorts of pulls?

That would be a dead fish in a sea for one. Most importantly, you are the fish and
you are the sea. You have given yourself a mixture of talents, skills and
challenges. For you to bother to experience!! You are choosing what you are
expressing and acting upon. When we say Down with what you are resisting!!!
that translates into: Look deeply at your conditioning, at your accepted law and
order. Do children have to live in clean rooms, or can their room be their castle,
even smelly at times if they are a 14 year old teenager? Is your self-worth really

so dependent on your superman performance in work that even if the truths of

the universe seem to be uncovering in front of your eyes, or you are just meeting
the love of your life, you are like Ok, fine, but hurry, need to get back to work!
How much do you have to earn, how much do you have to have? If you are a
joyful businessman who loves to win a deal, good for you, thank yourself and
void in wealth. But if you struggle to earn because without things you feel un-
dignified, worse thanthen you might want to check your conditioning.
According to which rule? According to whose opinion?

But I am listening to myself!! I have outlined those boxes to be ticked all on my
own! My parents and advertisements are not to blame.

Then you might want to deep look again: WHAT IS and WHAT DO I REALLY
WANT TO RESIST. Which pulls, which waves I want to ride with ease and from
which waves I want to divert myself by my active swimming.

You might have chosen those challenging waves for yourself to experience, to
recognize, and to accept. Or to steer you to deliver as we have discussed. That is
valuable to ponder whether there might be some experiences or events that
you might now choose to go with. This is not a comfortable wave, it doesnt
exactly fit with my image of how a wave should be, but I will ride it for a while
and see what happens. You can choose to ride those uncomfortable or un-
fitting, or plain un-elegant waves into more understanding, into more Loving,
into more of doing what you always felt you wanted at the back of your
mind/heart. If that is something really in strong disaccord with your values,
something you find unacceptable, disgusting and not to be expressed at any cost
it is time to actively swim, create your own will-power - engage the help of
others, the help of books and Gospel music (in Ikas case), find your own
fellowship and get out of your addiction wave, or your messing with the
untouchable wave or your hitting my children wave.

The crucial point here is to consider whether the wave that pulls you so well, in
which you flow not even knowing how, might be potentially bringing you to
become a larger person, to experience larger loving or towards fulfilling what
you intended (remember, what is the essence of your dreams for life from
childhood?), whether that is the wave that shoves you towards Deliver!! Or
whether it is a challenge wave you opt out of and swam out of fast.

The opportunities come in incessant successions, so there is no need to engage
with a particular wave in order not to miss out on becoming or on delivering.

The ultimate increase in energy in the system of You will be the result of riding
as many waves as possible (according to your standing values/principles) with
ease and focusing your resistance effort on those few in your perception really
unacceptable waves that need to be conquered.

And again let those feelings of self-pity and uselessness disappear You are the
MAN and the WILL, you are the FISH and the SEA of WAVES.


Maslow drew a nice pyramid at his time and right he is. The only thing he
missed out from that diagram is that at the very top of the pyramid, that point on
the absolute top is death/annihilation/cessation oh just be finished (with the
synonyms) now.

We have seen that there is no free consciousness, only free ked (out) as it is
loosing its beautiful body. Body and soul are of one, of the same (essence). In
that sense, a bodybuilder is equivalent to a yogi studying the structure of
Becoming who did not eat for a month. They both attend with dedication to only
a portion of who/what they are.

Consciousness needs its creation and taking care of our bodies, sleeping, eating
well, taking walks, working out and enjoying physical life is necessary for
meaningful continuation.

Respect the body. Listening within is also listening to what the body needs.

Body might say: Put me on the sofa. Listen well. Its coming from within! Give me
coffee!! This is controversial, not sure where this is coming from. Give me some
loving. Ahh, that definitely comes from within.

Lets pause here. On the topic of body demanding the loving. Here the position of
ONE is perfectly satisfactory. Loving ones body sexually is beautiful (although
slightly predictable). But precisely because it IS such a beautiful expression of
love (amazing, great, awesome), one really likes to share it with another. If one IS
lucky. The shared expression then depends on the choices of all partners, looses
the predictability, (looses the possibility of only being the way I would do it),
grows in options or possible scenarios (there are good books written about this)
and often leads to meaningful continuation. Keeping this example in mind, I hope
I made a strong spiritual case for the necessity of MANY and the necessity of


So now that I am thinking super critically again, I wonder how this image of the
shadow fits with the description of consciousness being bound within creation
(happily bound that is). Shadow is more compatible with an image of misty
essence floating around us, where we release our consciousness when our
physical body is dying. However, I understand that everything is occurring
within a point-vibration now.

Could we though draw some images here? How is the shadow organized? How
much can I truly sense correctly about the processes of the consciousness in the
person next to me? Can I communicate with animals? Even the inanimate objects
are of ONE, of consciousness, but not possessing the free will, not choice
consciousness is theirs only illusory existence via perception of creation with
more awareness (more expanded consciousness)?

Note added the last day: Shadow is a useful concept from the position of
EveryBody. Courageous thinkers can proceed to APPENDIX 2.


Also, how could we have any trust in the validity of this text? If we are all of
ONE, and I still obviously have some conditioning left -not only I could never
know/be sure what the other people are really thinking or what they would do, I
also obviously still carry many core beliefs defining Ikas life experience then
why should this book be any more believable or correct than the works of
consciousness in other manifestations?

It shouldnt be. The book if successful should promote enquiry. Disbelief.

In the human history up till now, it has been well documented that people
actively embrace facts given or actively subscribe to certain beliefs. And not only
in case of religious belief systems, which explicitly require faith. Were the big
lies or misinformation throughout human history hidden as terrible secrets? No!
Out in the plain sight, UNQEUSTIONED.

Can real deep questioning of the basic premises of our existence be extremely

Extremely indeed. Sad even. Slowly slowly catchie monkey.


Out in the world we are not only brought up and taught how the physical world
operates but absorb our law and order, concepts of what one should and
shouldnt, that bind us throughout our life. We set out to live the expected life,
imprinted into our mind by our mother and farther, ordained from unknown
entities, society-pushed or even identity-prescribed, ego-administered.

Try to question your law and order. Consider. Sitting in the bathtub cross-
legged, drinking water and burning incense might help that process. Careful
observation (kind attention) in your everyday will help. Experiencing, with
analysis followed by adjustment will definitely help.

If in a specific situation according to your current law and order, the outcome is
not beneficial (Loving) to most of the parties -not beneficial to two corners of a
triangle-there is no need to resist change. Try to flow with the mutual
(everyones) benefit.



Now that I really finished typing and re-reading the book, I really understand the
becoming, getting closer to my true nature by accepting what is and expressing
myself fully/authentically in accordance with my values. That speaks to me. But
on the physics side of the thing, on the diagram side how is loosing my God
and finding myself instead not alarming? How is being a point vibration in a
matrix of illusions all co-occurring in NOW - not a horror?

Consider. Not being plugged into the matrix. (Not being used). Being the
CREATOR and its creation. Can you be all that? Consider. And if that is just too
much to take, you can call yourself the Co-creator of the Mystery that still IS.

You can embrace that we dont belong in the passive position enjoying or
struggling in the universe that has been created for us, but in the role of the co-
producer, not only fixing the current faults but inventing new products. Could
this creative space be the meaningful continuation not only for the old god but
for EveryBody? To design, make and observe? Relationships, way of
serving/Loving each other, new products, new landscapes. Perhaps at one
point, the expanded consciousness can look back at itself with tolerance as onto
a quiet older parent and look ahead on its own inventions with pride and hope as
on the young children who were just called gifted.

It is useless to ask where does it all lead, as such a question can always be
accurately answered only in the retrospect. Instead of hanging onto a defined
vision of what progress might be, consider striving for what is progressive and
seems beneficial at the moment.
(To further your chosen field of activity outside, to extend the current
knowledge of the universe from your own bed, and to take part in creation of the
universe in both the outer world and in your mind.)


So I am starting to feel very similar than at the beginning of this quest. I am back
into my Ika identity, I feel quite comfortable, if a little tired, and I start to
perceive again as if we were talking. Now that I know that this is the
consciousness, I wonder why is the Above and Below perspective continuing?
Why are we talking as two people if not only we are of ONE but
everyone/thing IS (it sank deep).

Because that is what you prefer. Not to see the divinity (in your old language)
within you but to see it as something that might have visited you for a while. As
- I expanded my consciousness, but thanks goodness HE is gone now. Trickster.

Once you accept that you are Ika with expanded consciousness, you might notice
that HE disappears for good, and you continue writing your BULL-shit on your


As your experiences through Life accumulate, you know more about where the
past choices led you. This knowing more doesnt necessarily mean that your next
choice is better (as you never ever have the same experience twice, you are
constantly changing and people around you are changing). But there is a very
frequently used expression of Learning from Experience, or deriving some sense
of meaning from your experience.

Am I a better person now than I was as a child? Hmm, unlikely. More like the
other way round. But I have lived, made love, worked, had children, or whatever
else I had an opportunity and chose to experience. Some of it enjoyable, some of
it fucking painful. No better, no worse, no more than, no less than, I lived.
When my identity is gone by natural death of the physical body, it counted, it
EveryBody counts. Or nobody counts.


So today is my very last day of working on this text. It has been almost three
weeks my parents are coming for a visit they planned long ago tomorrow and
I have no more holiday days to take off work.

I have a list of few discrepancies in the text that I wish to understand further and
describe better (now included in appendix 2). However, my main problem for
some time is trying to delete out my father and my boss out of the text. I dont
like the context in which they both appear in the text, but I havent found a way
how to replace.

Why would you want to replace? Are these not your people and favorite ones
for that matter?

Yes they are, but it is different although utterly uncomfortable too- to describe
your own attributes, or your own bathtub etc. then to talk about attributes of
others however anonymously.

Because you think these are not attributes- clean compliments? You wish these
guys were different?

Not really, but you know

I know, after three weeks of writing this text, after recognizing it is you (as well
as EveryBody else) writing it, after beautifully editing and understanding
everything that is mentioned here, you are still trying to find a way how to turn
at least what is in your life into purified goody-goody (if the fucking point-
vibration cant loose that variety). And even though you are going through with
this book, as you KNOW this IS helping, and IS speaking to your heart (not only in
words, but also in point-vibration), and although there is that volcano-loving
punk coming through in moments with: in your face Eminem! who is the
meanest MC on this- on this Earth NOW?; you still prefer to spend time holding
those images of your people hurt or offended and of those readers that will be
hurt, shocked and powerless to deal. Who will be loosing their God, their soul
stripped of loving Jesus, doom and gloom, pain and suffering. Death.

Ok, I really think this book is finished NOW.

You understand. Now live it. LIVE IT Ika and you will see that continuing purpose
for you OUT THERE.


Only under the condition of being able to come back to you and maintain firm
connection with your identity.


Means to bring into your experience. To become, to acquire , to produce., to
engage in.

Larger creator/manifestor:

Brings more into his/her experience. He can see Yeti and manifest scared-
shitless little prophets. She can speak with the Trickster about common true
nature and grudgingly manifest a book in under the three weeks. They can stop
fearing, accept this larger reality and hopefully enjoy. They can impress the
beauty and privilege of being the creator on others.


The identity experiences itself and the world around= the identity manifests
(creates) itself and the world around


What you bring into your experience is forming your personal reality.
In Pablos language: Everything you can image is real.

The more people see Yeti, the more real Yetis presence on the planet is
becoming. The more people see how it could be possible to accept/love
differences of others and enjoy expressing themselves authentically, the more
NON-CONFLICT on the planet is real.

If you are content with your current situation, if you are enjoying your word, if
you are I love enough, and need for knowledge that never happened to me!
void in satisfaction. If you are not so satisfied, if you wonder what more IS and
what more to love imagine.


Notes from Ikas meditation notebook over the past six months

Cioran Notes

Anything that defies logical mind can lift the veil of illusion.

Align yourself with the Law of One (whatever I do to you I do to myself)
combined with the Shopin law: sorrow is tasted at own cost.

Kundalini offers doors to another dimension, an extra perception, which can be
blocked anytime by logical mind. It is our choice how we integrate Kundalini
rising into our daily experience (focus on psychic vs focus on healing vs focus on
love and service)

People can rise each others kundalini not (only) in a relationship, but in an
ENCOUNTER (akin the waiting line for a guru)

who am I not?... this body
how can I best help myself?....meditate
how can I best help others?...meditate

why does it hurt so much for me to love certain people?...attachment
how can I dissolve that attachment?....selfless love, unconditional love

wherever you are
with whoever you are
whatever you do
I love you

Other people have life as complex and troubled. You in different clothes.
Anything you like and dislike about them is what you have in you. They have
nothing more or less than you, they just show different parts of the whole,
sharing a different aspect of what we are.

By having that thought I love you everything is made alright.

Why are we even supposed to be in human relationships, what is the purpose of
For the spirit to test all sorts of forms of love
Falling instantly in love with a taken man and inviting him home that is also
Calling someone in the blackout that is also love
Rejecting someone because of your loyalty to your spouse that is also love
Inviting someone repeatedly to private parties when not being able to show for a
meeting/date that is also love
Absorbing the embarrassment of the hopeless and arguably undignified attempts
to put it together that is also love

Today I read Cioranbut whats the point in thinking?
Knowledge comes to me as an uninvited visitor
I read spiritual masters talking about the need for discrimination. Discrimination
between SuperEgo and Kundalini/Spirit. What discrimination? Knowing seems
to me above doubt, doubtless, a permanent compulsion.

About Nadja:
By living out those random thoughts, that ideal of a professional surrealists
mind, she defied the ego mind/logical mind, the illusion of sense and order, the
physical plane matrix. She is propelled to action by her deep within and that is
why she touches my heart. Like Cioran says the only way to reach another
person at any depth is to move towards what is deepest in yourself.

I dont trust people who didnt kill themselves at one point.

If you ever want to validate your telepathy/extrasensory perceptions, go to AA.
There you sit next to someone who sooner or later upon principles of rigorous
honestly tells her story.

Whatever confused, violent or evil act someone around you comitted, whatever
absurd situation you have been in, in time with experience and the years passed
you either come to understand it or it looses all significance.

The truth is at your fingertips, it resonates with you.

Meaning of life?
The magical variety of forms that express the boundlessness of love and

One form delights in listening to the form of jazz (Radio One) another group of
forms (A Besson quartet) have created. The joy of it!!!

Even in my dreams I say goodbye to yesterday and tomorrow.

Cioran, Cioran, one can so love his thinking mind that he never fully gives it up
and steps away from what he thinks/knows to be in the mindless realm.

On gossip:
If I have a relationship with someone and share events, conversations, lifethen
at least half of that experience belongs to that other party
To feel about.
To talk about.
To have opinions about.
To hold grudges.
And to share further
With as many others
And as much as they wish
And it is none of my business.

AA for alcoholics is like a good meditation. People come to be purified of
whatever ego mind/body and spirits problems weighing them down.
I come here to be a normal human being.

Experience you cannot borrow. There is no second hand experience, only second
hand story. (Story for mind to ruminate over, experience for the spirit to

Every experience has its merits. Perhaps excluding those where you
intentionally inflict harm on others.

Never bind and never reject.

I shall no longer read Shopenhauer and argue with a man so offensively dead.

In relationship, the good and bad co-create the bond, the bond is in evolution
parallel to both 'individual' souls.

Relationship is a creation, and like an art piece acquires many forms, from
conventional old masters to post-modern.
The greatest sin is for the co-creators not to express themselves fully.
Its your art, and the art piece has a lasting value, it can be comical, tragic, light or
heavy, smaller or huger than those who made it.
Don't judge your past art, stop by often, admire its colors and feel its mood.
Art is good for the heart.

I don't want to talk about anything that can be described by words.

...its the never-to-be-cleared up, the illogical , the this-would-ruin-your-
reputation, the un-uttered, the un-comprehended--- waking you from the dream
of normality and propelling you onwards..or upwards?

Judgmentputting labels on the experiences of others (how does his experience
of loving another relate to me...betrayal, etc.)
Judgments caused the pain (judgment of self...guilt, judgment of
I am innocent as a child and I forgive everything
We are just individual souls evolving, experiences are necessary, what do you
know what it is good for (for that soul that goes through it)
I thought (brought up) that being 'good' according to a set of rules, that
applied generally (but are also sets of judgments)

The love for the unsuitable partner, the illogical non-match, the hopeless un-
union, the magnetizing repelling attraction...comes from above mind... have to
respect that

rejections R Ejections in new directions

The love of god in the unenlightened
The awareness of god feels like a knowledge of my mother's love
You can experience it when you visit, you don't doubt it, but at times it doesn't
seem to be so important in your everyday

That crazed laugh marking the center of contradictions.

We have decided on the action of stalemate.

Perceive the illogical as a glimpse of the greater, of the unlimited from the
limited perspective (I know this is not crazy, I just need a wider view).

Illogical and unreasonable things are the most beautiful they dont come from
our brains.

The moment when I was content with all of how my life have been, when it all
made prefect sense I realized I am dozing off.

Maintaining ones reputation might be such hard work, that there is no time left
for any work of value.

The only reputation I recognize is my image in the eyes of my loved ones

Like the bad son returning back to the God father, when you engage with evil and
conquer, is that perhaps worth more than avoiding it altogether.

Each person is perfect until and unless I want something from them. It is my lack
of that I then recognize as someone elses fault.

Striving for credit is saying the creator is more important than the creation; that
the value of the name tag is above the value of the product.

Saying I need credit is saying I need the external acknowledgment for what I
have created. That neither the process of creation nor the product itself is a
sufficient reward.

In this incarnation I shall lower my objectives- from understand men to endure
men graciously.

You cant help anyone who considers each thing well done by you (even if for
their profit) as another proof of their own incompetence.

Sometimes I prefer sending love, peace and courage to the world from my
meditation carpet in my bathroom rather than going out of the house and
meeting a person.

Nothing puts you back into old ways as your grandmother looking through your
photos, selecting the one from you dark night of the soul day with a happy
exclamation: Here, you look exactly as You.

When god is silent, your old self/ego mind returns in full force.

Interestingly, I suffer from crying abreaction each time I listen to Love&Light in

you soothing hypnosis.

Dear Shri Mataji, how many candles would I need to burn to balance my left