David and the Three Goliaths

Prologue
1: The year was 1722 and Johann Kuhnau was dead.
2: Who?
1: Kuhnau
2: Bless you.
3: Never heard of him.
1: He was the cantor at St. Thomass church in Leipzig, Germany. One of the best jobs
a composer could have. A high paying salary, numerous projects to work on, one of the
best cities in the world to live in.
3: So he was a composer?
1: A music director more like. A music teacher. A choirmaster. A church organist. An
instrument repairman. The end all and be all of music connoisseurs.
2: But he is dead?
1: Yes. Leaving open a vacancy.
(1 flips over a Help Wanted Sign)
Part 1: The Giants
1: This vacancy attracted the most celebrated and talented composers this side of
Germany. Including Georg Phillip Telemann.
2: (puts on sunglasses as Telemann) No photographs please.

3: Christoph Graupner
1: (puts on a beanie as Graupner) If its not baroque. Dont fix it.
3: And a man named Johann Sebastian Bach. (puts on a scarf as Bach) Its easy to
play a musical instrument: all you have to do is touch the right key at the right time and
the instrument will play itself.
2: Are you trying to be clever?
3: Telemann, what are you doing here?
2: Oh you know. The usual. Writing sonatas. Picking up chicks. Being a general
musical genius.
3: I see.
2: Im here to get the hot new job in Leipzig. I hear the benefits are pretty sweet. They
have a dental plan which is super good because Ive been meaning to get my teeth
whitened.
3: Oh, youre applying for the job as well?
2: You are too? Youre joshing me right. Bachie! Get out of town.
3: Yeah. Yeah I am.
1: Oh, hello guys!
3: Graupner, so nice to see you.
1: Its been a while, hasnt it?
2: Graupner, baby! Howve you been?

1: Oh... well, you know... things could be better. The opera house closed so I cant
really afford to feed my children right now. And my good friend and mentor, Kuhnau, just
died.
2: Who?
1: Dude, weve been over this.
2: Sorry.
1: So Ive come here to pay my respects... and to take over the job that my dead friend
and mentor has now left behind.
3: Cool. Us two.
1: Oh.
3: Yeah. It seems us three all want the job.
1: Oh.
3: Yep.
(A pause. The three rock on their feet unsure of what to do.)
3: Well this is awkward.
2: I hate to have to say it, but we all know who theyre going to offer it to.
All: Me.
2: Dont make me laugh.
1: What makes you think theyre going to automatically pick you?

2: Guys. Im Tellemann. My music has been performed all across Europe in France,
Italy, Belgium, Spain, and the Netherlands among others. Music theorists use my work
as a model. My music is the driving force between the Baroque and Classical styles.
3: Do you even understand the things youre saying?
2: And to be honest guys, no one has ever heard of you.
3: So? They may not know who J.S. Bach is now, but one day my name will be in
lights. One day Ill prove to the world the wonders you can do with just an organ. One
day, hundreds of years from now, music students will spend hours studying the musical
forms and theories behind the cantatas Ive written. One day I will be famous!
2: With a name like Bach? Really?
3: Not this again.
2: No. No. Dont worry, Johann. I got your Bach! Get it?
3: Yes, Telemann. Youre very funny.
2: Wait, wait, wait. I got another one. You know what Johann told his wife when he left
for work this morning? (in Arnold Schwarzenegger voice) Ill be Bach.
3: Ha. Yes. Very clever.
1: Listen fellas, I dont mean to be rude, but you guys already have jobs. I have the
greater need. My style resembles Kuhnau. Therefore, I should be the one they hire.
2: Oh, they should, should they? (mocking) Oh look at me. Im Graupner and Im a
poor musician and nobody likes me.
1: Now wait just a second-2: Stand aside losers. The new cantor of St. Thomas church has arrived!
3: In your dreams Telemann. Theyll know who the true maestro is.

All: Me!
Part 3: The Duke
1: (removing hat, as narrator) Now Bach had been employed to the Duke Wilhelm
Ernst. The Duke had made Bach Konzertmerister. Bach gave lessons, played the court
organ, and composed a new piece every month. But when an even better position in
court became available, Bach was not promoted. Bach became restless and
dissatisfied and decided to leave Duke Wilhelms court.
3: Duke... I have to talk to you about something.
2: (puts on a crown, as Duke) Bach! Did you write me a new cantata? Let us hear it
then!
3: No, no. Im not here about that.
2: Oh, do you want some cookies? My cook just made these delicious cookies. They
have chocolate in them.
3: Duke, listen. I cant work here anymore.
2: Oh you want a new room? Is this one too cramped?
3: No. Duke, Im quitting. (Duke gives him a blank stare) Im leaving forever. Im not
going to be writing you any more songs for you about what you ate for dinner on
Thursday. Im going somewhere where they can pay me more.
2: No, youre not.
3: Yes, I am. I already packed my suitcase.
2: No. You signed a contract. Youre my konzertmeister. You have to stay here forever.
3: I dont remember reading that on the contract.

2: No! Youre my konzertmeister and you cannot leave! I forbid it.

3: You cant forbid me!
2: Yes, I can. You cant leave. I have declared it and therefore it is so.
3: Listen, dont take this so personally.
2: Why would you want to leave hmm? Everything you need is right here. Ill get you a
new organ. Do you want a new organ?
3: We had some laughs, but I think its time we started seeing other people.
2: I can change! I can be a better Duke. Ill actually pay attention to your music when
you play it from now on.
3: Duke, its not you, its me... and the huge salary waiting for me at this other job.
Goodbye.
2: Oh no you dont! Guards arrest him!
(1 becomes a security guard and grabs 3)
3: You cant arrest me for quitting!
2: Actually I can. Now, go to prison and think about what youve done. You can come
out when youve come to your senses and apologize.
1: (as narrator) After a month, Bach was released from prison and was free to pursue
better, higher paying jobs with saner bosses. Bach was free to take any job he wanted.
Part 4: The Decision
3: (as narrator) And now... the moment youve all been waiting for. Who will become
the next cantor at St. Thomas church? Will it be Telemann?
2: (puts on sunglasses, as Telemann) Wooo! Yeah baby! Telemann in the house!

3: Graupner?
1: (puts on hat, as Graupner) Please. Ive been living off of ramen noodles for 2
months now.
3: Or Bach? (puts on scarf, as Bach) They will remember my name!
1: (as narrator) Drum roll please... And the winner is... Georg Phillip Telemann.
2: Wooo! Wooo! Thats right! Whos the man? Im the man! High fives all around. Oh
yeah!
1: (hands him trophy) Congratulations Telemann, you are now the cantor of St. Thomas
church. How does it feel?
2: Yeah... actually. Im gonna pass.
3: What?
2: Yeah. I like my job. I just wanted to prove that they would pick me first over you
guys. And I was right. Ha ha! Losers.
1: Ok. Nevermind. Lets try this again.
2: (as narrator) Drum roll please.... The winner is... Christoph Graupner. (hands him
trophy)
1: (puts on hat as Graupner) Oh my gosh. What an honor. This is truly an honor.
3: Congratulations Graupner. You deserve it.
1: Actually... my job just started paying me again. Turns out, I cant leave, but they
promised me steady paychecks from now on. Looks like I dont need this job after all.
3: You mean youre turning it down?

1: Yeah. Good luck. (to 2) Hey, this Bach guy is actually super good. I think you
should go with him.
2: (shrugs) Sure, why not. Here you go, Bach. (hands him trophy) Youre the new
cantor at St. Thomas church.
3: Seriously?
2: Yeah. Unless you want to refuse it to?
3: No, no. I want it. I want the job.
2: Good. I cant wait to hear what you come up with.
1: (as narrator) Bach loved his new job and his new town. He was cantor at St. Thomas
for 27 years, until his death in 1750.
Part 5: The Son
3: (as narrator) In Leipzig, Bach raised a family and taught his four children the ways of
music. One of his songs was named Carl Phillip Emmanuel Bach.
2: (puts on sunglasses, as Telemann) The Phillip part is an homage to me.
3: Yes, Telemann was his godfather.
2: (to 1 who has become CPE) What big ears you have. All the better to hear my
musical genius.
1: (puts on glasses and scarf, as CPE) Yours and my fathers music is great, Godfather.
But the Baroque era is in the past. The music world must move forward. It is not merely
for the church, but part of the larger artistic world.
2: Thats great, kid. Hey listen, Im getting kind of old and Im about to kick the bucket.
I think Im going to retire from my post as director of music in Hamburg. You want the
job?

1: Sure I guess.
3: Unlike his father, whose music was highly religious, Bach drew inspiration from all
across the artistic world, from playwrights, painters, poets, and philosophers.
1: A musician cannot move others unless he too is moved.
3: Mozart once said of C.P.E., Bach is the father. We are the children. Bachs music
later influenced the styles of Haydn and Beethoven. His music was the stepping stone
between the Baroque and the Classical period.
2: Hey, kid. Your father would be proud of you.
1: You think so?
2: Totally.