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Nimeni nu m poate ajuta. Fiindc nu mai exist nimeni, (se aud alte mugete,
alte fugreli de copite, se ridic alt nor de praf.) Nu mai vreau s-i aud. O s-mi
pun vat-n urechi. (i pune vat n urechi i i vorbete siei n oglind.) Nu
exist alt soluie dect s-i conving. S-i conving de ce? i sunt oare reversibile
mutaiile? Ai? Or fi ele reversibile? Asta ar fi o munc de Hercule. E mai presus
de forele mele. Mai nti c, pentru a-i convinge, ar trebui s le vorbesc. Iar ca
s le pot vorbi, ar trebui s nv limba lor. Sau ei s-o nvee pe-a mea? Dar eu ce
limb vorbesc? Care-i limba mea? Franceza? Vorbesc eu franceza? Dar ce e
franceza? Se poate numi i francez, dac vrem, nimeni nu poate s conteste, de
vreme ce snt singurul care-o vorbete. Ce spun eu? Dar eu m neleg? Eu m
neleg? (Avanseaz spre mijlocul scenei.) Dar dac, aa cum spunea Daisy, ei,
rinocerii, au dreptate? (Se rentoarce spre oglind.) Omul nu e urt, nu e urt!
(Se privete i i trece palma peste fa.) Ce caraghioslc! Cu ce semn eu,
atunci? Cu ce? (Se duce la dulap, scoate un teanc de fotografii i le privete.)
Fotografii! Cine-s toi oamenii tia? Papillon? Sau mai degrab Daisy? Iar sta
e Botard sau Dudard? Sau poate Jean? Ori poate eu! (Caut iar febril prin dulap
i scoate cteva tablouri.) Da, m recunosc: sta snt eu, snt eu! (Aga
tablourile pe peretele din fund, alturi de capetele rinocerilor.) Eu snt, eu snt.
(Cnd snt atrnate tablourile, vedem c ele reprezint unul un btrn, cellalt o
femeie gras, iar ultimul un alt brbat dect Be'renger. Urenia chipurilor din
portrete contrasteaz cu capetele de rinoceri, care au devenit foarte frumoase.
Berenger se trage civa pai napoi i contempl tablourile.) Nu snt frumos, nu
sunt frumos. (Smulge tablourile de pe perete, le calc-n picioare i se duce la
oglind.) Ei sunt frumoi. M-am nelat. Oh, ct de mult a vrea s fiu ca ei.
Poftim: eu n-am corn! Ce urt e o frunte plat! Mi-ar trebui un corn sau dou,
ca s-mi mai rafinez chipul i s-mi dispar ridurile. Dar uite c nu-mi crete
nici unul. Iar minile-mi snt fine. Oare mi se vor face vreodat zgrunuroase?
(i scoate haina, se descheie la cma i i contempl pieptul n oglind :) Am
pielea flasc. Ah! Acest trup lucios i pros! Ce mult a vrea s am i eu aa o
piele groas i o culoare att de magnific precum acest verde ntunecat. S am
i eu aceast nuditate decent, cum e goliciunea lor! (Ascult mugetele.)
Cntrile lor te farmec, snt puin aspre, dar au un anume farmec! Dac i eu a
putea face ca ei! (ncearc s-i imite.) Ahhh! Ahhh! NU, nu e aa! S mai ncerc
o dat, mai tare! Ahh! Ahh! Brr! Nu, nu, nu, nu-i aa, e prea slab, prea lipsit de
vigoare! Nu pot s mugesc. Pot doar s urlu. Ahh! Ahh! Brr! Numai c urletele
nu se compar cu mugetul! Ah, ce ruvoitor am fost, i crcota: ar fi trebuit s
m fac mai devreme ca ei i s-i urmez! Acuma-i prea trziu! Ei da, snt un
MONOLOG COMIC
DAVID:
Debbie, I want you back. You are the light in my life and I was a fool to let that
glow fade away from me. Please forgive me. No -- this isn't a joke. I've been
doing a lot of thinking in the past few minutes. And I've come to realize that my
life is incomplete without you.I'd like you to have this. It's a ring. Well, actually
it a piece of a socket wrench, but its a symbol of my love for you. I don't want to
work on cars anymore. I want to work on our marriage. And I'm not afraid to get
my hands dirty. Debbie, I... I've miss you. I miss the way you take three scoops
of ice cream, stick them in a bowl and put it in the microwave to get it all melty
and drink it with a straw. And I miss the way that you and I used to look at each
other when we'd wake up from a nap. And maybe most of all, I miss that little
wrinkle in between your eyes, right above the ridge of your nose, that crinkled
expression you'd give me whenever you got angry. The one you're making right
now!
Cyrano:
Young man, I am afraid your speech was a trifle short. You could have said at
least one hundred other things, varying the tone of your words. Let me give you
some examples.
In an aggressive tone: "Sir, if I had a nose like that, I would amputate it!"
Friendly: "When you drink from a cup your nose must get wet. Why don't you
drink from a bowl?"
"Sir,
only
the
beast
that
Aristophanes
calls
the
hippocampelephantocamelos could have had such a solid lump of flesh and bone
below its forehead."
Cavalier: "A hook to hang your hat upon."
Emphatic: "No breeze, O majestic nose, can give thee cold - save when the north
winds blow."
Dramatic: "When it bleeds, it must be like the Red Sea."
Admiring: "What a fine sign for a perfume shop!"
Lyrical: "Is that a conch shell? And are you Triton risen from the ocean?"
Nave: "Is that monument open to the public?"
Rustic: "That don't look like a nose. It's either a big cucumber or a little
watermelon."
Military: "The enemy is charging! Aim your cannon!"
Practical: "A nose like that has one advantage: it keeps your feet dry in the rain."
There, sir, now you have an inkling of what you might have said, had you been a
witty man of letters. Unfortunately, you're totally witless and a man of very few
letters: only four that spell the word "fool." But even if you had the skill to
invent such remarks, you would not have been able to entertain me with them.
You would have uttered no more than a quarter of such a jest, the first syllable of
the first word, for such jesting is a privilege I only grant myself.
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