How to Network

Four Parts:Mastering the BasicsUsing the Internet to NetworkExploring Why We NetworkSample Networking EmailCommunity Q&A

You've probably heard the phrase "It's not what you know, it's who you know." In today's
interconnected society, that rings true more than ever. Your talents, abilities, and experience will
never take you anywhere if nobody knows you exist. In order to get what you want out of life, you
need to be resourceful. Your fellow human beings are a vast resource.

Mastering the Basics

1.

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Start off networking with your existing connections. Getting in touch with old friends, distant
relatives, and people you went to school with can be a good stepping stone because you're reaching

out, but you're not approaching complete strangers.[1] Work on networking first on this group of
people before moving on to people with whom you have a more tenuous connection.

1.

Locate who you want to talk to. As a professional, or an aspiring professional, your time is
important. Be discerning and selective you owe it to yourself. Simply approach someone
confidently, stick out your hand, and introduce yourself. It's not easy to do, but it's straightforward,
and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Be confident to inspire confidence in you. Many people who regularly schmooze aren't the most
naturally confident people in the world. They've learned to project confidence. This projection
soon becomes reality. The "fake it till you make it" strategy really does work.

Some people call this the "hostess mentality."[2] You put others first and try to make them feel
comfortable. This uncommon effort makes you feel powerful and, ultimately, puts you at ease.

3
Have your elevator pitch prepared. An elevator pitch is a personal blurb that sums up the
"professional you" and can be delivered quickly for example, in the time it would take two people
to share an elevator ride. Not exactly a speech that you memorize, an elevator pitch is a couple of
refrains that you remember that you can build around, given the situation. Here's an example:

"I just graduated from XYZ University with a degree in marine biology. In school, I studied the
interaction of tidal patterns on puffin populations. Currently, I'm leading a conservation effort
designed to save the puffin population in Eastern Egg Rock, Maine."

4
Learn the art of the chit-chat, or small talk. Having a great conversation often starts with a little bit
of back-and-forth. It's an opportunity for you to get a feel for the other person, and for them to get a
feel for you. Some people describe it this way: Conversation is a ladder, and small talk is the first
rung that you step on.[3] Don't worry if it feels unnatural at first. Smile, remember to be confident in
your abilities, and listen intently.

Look for an anchor.[4] This is something that you have in common with the other person. Perhaps it's
a school, or a mutual friend, or a shared experience, like a love of sky-diving. You probably need to
ask questions in order to find one, but once you have one, you're golden.

Reveal something about yourself related to the anchor. Asking questions is great, particularly if
you're searching for an answer, but a conversation is a two-way street, and you gotta give a little in
order to get something back.

Encourage the other person to continue sharing. Once a few pleasantries are exchanged, keep
asking questions about the anchor or share different experiences you've had about the anchor.

5
But don't be afraid to go deeper. If your conversation stays on the bottom half of the ladder, you
risk not distinguishing yourself from the dozens of other people that the person you're networking
with meets over the course of the event or the year. In order to distinguish yourself from others, you'll
want to dive deeper after the superficial chitchat and say something that really causes your contact
to pause and think about you.

One prominent blogger recommends that you look for a passion or a problem.[5]Obviously, finding a
passion is probably a little safer territory for you to talk about, but don't be afraid to empathize with
your contact if they talk about a problem they might be having in work or outside of it.

1.

Set yourself apart by thinking before you speak. In normal conversation, it's common to build up
a flow of conversation and to fear the dreaded awkward pause. But when you're worried about
constantly keeping up the flow of conversation, you often forget about listening to what the other
person has to say and formulating an intelligent response.

Don't be afraid to take a second or two to pause and think about what you're going to say before you
say it. This one or two seconds feels a lot longer to you than it does to your conversator-in-crime. If
something intelligent comes out of your mouth afterwards, that investment was worth it.

Journalist Shane Snow describes the respect he has for a friend who thinks beforehe
speaks: "Whereas most of us (and powerful people especially) feel pressure to have instant answers
to everything (job interviews and media training teaches us to do this), causing us to blubber and
ramble and shoot from the hip, Fred takes his time. When you ask him a question, he pauses.
Sometimes for a long time. Sometimes the silence makes you uncomfortable. He thinks carefully.
And then he responds with triple the insight you expect."[6]

7
Approach the networking experience from the perspective of "How can I help this
person?" Some people think of networking as a selfish act, because some treat the process as a
means to an end instead of an end in itself. While some certainly treat networking that way, it's a
less sophisticated way to think about networking. Instead, try approaching a networking situation
being willing to help someone else out first. If you genuinely try to help others out, they'll want to do
the same for you. Then, the motivation for mutual assistance will come from a genuinely good place.

8
Find out who knows whom. When you're talking to people, find out what they do for a living and for
fun, as well as what their spouse or significant other, nearby family members, and close friends do
for work and recreation, too. It may be helpful to make note of this in your address book so you don't
lose track of who does what.

Pretend that you've meet Mary at a book club meeting and you find out that her cousin is an
expert windsurfer. A few months later, your niece reveals to you that one of her life's goals is to go
windsurfing. Find Mary, call her up, and ask her if her cousin is available to give your niece a private
lesson as a birthday gift. Mary says "Sure!" and convinces her cousin to give you a discount. Your
niece is thrilled. A month later, your car breaks down, and you remember that your niece's boyfriend
is an aspiring auto mechanic...

Find the extroverts. As you continue to network, you'll find that some people are much better at it
than you are they already know everyone! You'll stand to benefit from getting to know such
people first because they can introduce you to others who share your interests or goals. In other
words, if you're an introvert, find an extrovert who can "set you up".

9
If all goes well, ask for their business card and assure them you'd like to continue the
conversation. Once you've had a pleasant chat, exchanged viewpoints, or commiserated over a
horrible boss, don't be afraid to say that you've enjoyed the conversation. Offer something like: "I'm
glad we talked. You seem like a very knowledgeable and respected person. How about we continue
the conversation soon?"

10
Follow up. Don't get someone's business card or e-mail address and forget about it. Find a way to
stay in touch. Maintain your network. Because your network is like a tree: without nourishment, it will
die. Be sure to give it the attention it needs to stay alive.

Whenever you find an article that might be of interest to them, for instance, send it on their way. If
you hear about a negative event (a tornado, a riot, an electrical blackout) that happened in their
vicinity, call them and make sure they're fine.

Keep track of everyone's birthday and mark them on a calendar; be sure to send birthday cards to
everyone you know, along with a nice note to let them know you haven't forgotten about them, and
that you don't want them to forget about you.

Using the Internet to Network

1.

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Pursue online interests and activities that mean a lot to you. Who says that you can't network
while playing chess against a worthy opponent in Russia? Or network while on your favorite medical
community researching your husband's autoimmune disorder? The internet has networking with
groups of like-minded people a whole lot easier. Check forums, listings, classifieds, and internet
mailing lists (known as "listservs") for local events or meetings that are likely to attract people with
similar interests or passions.

2.

2
Research people you admire or those who hold interesting positions. The internet has also
made researching prominent (or not-so-prominent) people a lot easier than it used to used. Now,
you can gather information about people with a simple Google search, or you can connect with them
on one of the many social networks that people spend increasing time on. Research these people
for two reasons:

It helps to be knowledgeable about different career arcs and career opportunities. Researching other
peoples' careers teaches you that there are an almost infinite numbers of ways that you can get into
advertising, for example, or become a merchant.

You're familiarizing yourself with their personal history. This information will come in handy when you
reach out to them; it shows you've done your homework.

3
Ask several people for an informational interview. An informational interview is an informal
meeting you have with another professional in which you ask them questions about their careers and
pick their brains. An informational interview can be coffee after work or a Skype interview in the
middle of the workday. Whatever it ends up being, it's usually short 30 minutes or less and you
should offer to pick up the bill if you grabbed coffee or lunch.

Informational interviews are a great way to both learn about the other person and develop your
critical questioning and listening skills. You never know; you might impress the person so much
during the informational interview that they decide to offer you a job if they have the authority. Some
feel it's a lot less of a crapshoot than playing the resume game.

When you're done with your informational interview, express your gratitude and ask your contact for
three other people who you might talk to as part of your continuing outreach. Reach out to those
people and refer back to the original contact if needed.

4
Tap your network periodically. The next time you need something (a job, a date, a hiking partner)
cast a wide net and see what happens. Make a few phone calls or send out an e-mail describing
your situation in a friendly tone: "Hey, I'm in a bit of a pinch. I have these concert tickets for Saturday
and I haven't been able to find someone to go with me. Since this is a band I love, I'd like to go with
someone I know I'll have fun with. Do you know of anyone who might enjoy it with me?"

Don't ever apologize when asking for a favor or help. It can signal a lack ofconfidence and
professionalism.[7] There's nothing to be sorry about--you're just seeing if anyone happens to be in a

position to help you; you're not making demands, or forcing people to do anything that they don't
want to do.

5
Never keep your networking efforts isolated to the internet. You can establish great connections
online, but the most successful networkers are those who take those online connections and
translate them into intimate face-to-face relationships. Going out for lunch, coffee, or drinks is a great
way to begin to establish a face-to-face relationship with people. Remember that you can also invite
people to do things related to your interests. If you met someone at a caving club, why don't you ask
them to check out a new cave with you? The objective here is to establish a connection beyond your
initial online meeting. Preferably, this should be one-on-one.

Exploring Why We Network

1.

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Break your stereotypes about networking. If you're reading this article, you're probably familiar
with the benefits of networking. But perhaps you've avoided networking, for whatever reason (there
are a number of them!), preferring the easy way out. Let go of that! Stop trying to justify your fears.
Instead, try to believe in yourself and realize that we, in fact, network for some very good reasons.

2.

2
Reconsider the idea that networking is insincere, pretentious, or even
manipulative. Sometimes, you're right. Networking can be a superficial way of leveraging a
connection in a self-serving and thoughtless way. But there are also people who want to build
genuine, mutually-beneficial relationships. There are people who are willing to do awe-inspiring
things for the simple pleasure of helping someone else out. There are people who enjoy the sense of
community that networking brings and who like the idea of empowering each other whenever
possible.

When you're networking, you're going to have to sift through the people you don'twant to know to get
to the people you do want to know. That's just an essential part of networking, but the good news is
that with practice, you'll get better at spotting the people worth knowing.

3
Reconsider that you're too shy or self-conscious to network. Networking does require a degree
of boldness. Yet with the advent of social networking sites, you can get to find others with similar
interests and goals without being in a room full of people.

People who are shy and self-conscious tend to be a lot more open and talkative when they're doing
or talking about something they're deeply interested in. If you find people who are just as obsessed
with birding, origami, or manga as you are, then you'll have a much easier time establishing
connections.

4
Reconsider the myth that networking takes too much time and effort. Unless you're an
extroverted person who thoroughly enjoys schmoozing, networking can be exhausting. Why bother,
right? Yes, networking takes time and effort, but the time and effort you save by networking can also
be tremendous. Imagine how much time and frustration you would save if anything you wanted or
needed was just one or two phone calls away. Ultimately, a network is an investment, with benefits
that outweigh the costs.[8] You just need to stick with it and watch it grow.

5
Continue networking in order to push yourself. You want to grow as an individual, both
personally and professionally. Networking helps you hone essential interpersonal skills that are huge
assets in today's world. It helps keep you on your toes, teaches you to listen, and inspires a humility
born of a desire to help others. If you do networking for nothing else, do it for personal growth.
Networking can help you become the best version of yourself.

Tips

It always helps to look approachable and be charming. Over time, it will get easier for you tostart a
conversation with a stranger.

Start small. Don't sign up for 12 meetings in one month. A sustained effort over the long run is better
than making a one-time big effort and then burning out. Remember that networking requires
maintenance, so don't bite off more than you can chew.

You can make great contacts with politicians and their aides by volunteering in an election or being
involved with their party outside of election time.

Use every Internet tool at your disposal to build your social network in real life. Instant messaging
applications, for instance, are sometimes better than phone calls. Internet is very useful to meet and
keep contact with a very large amount of people worldwide.

Can't find a local club or group that's related to your interests or career? Start one!

Warnings

Watch out for parasites - people who'll pump you for favors and never try to help you in return. When
you find one attached to you (and if you're generous, you will) turn them down as politely as you can:
"No, I'm sorry, I can't do that tomorrow. I've got plans." If they try to make you feel guilty, feign an
excuse to get out of the conversation and make yourself scarce to them. Don't lose your temper or
act cold because that'll give them something negative to say about you when they're talking to
others, like "Oh, yes I know James, he once called me a leech..." - don't let this happen to you.