Choose the right words

SPM ENGLISH WITH JUGDEEP KAUR GILL

WRITING a descriptive essay is more challenging than writing a narrative essay. This is because the
descriptive essay makes more demands on your ability to use language effectively.
When writing a descriptive essay, you should be able to portray people and places, and capture
things, moments or experiences vividly so that the reader can create a mental picture of what is
being described.
In other words, you should be able to paint pictures using words.
For instance, if you are describing a person, the reader should be able to visualise, in his minds eye,
the person you are describing.
If you are describing a place, then the reader should be able to see the place in his mind.
Not everyone can handle a descriptive essay.
You need to be competent in the language and have a good eye for detail. Besides, you also need to
be able to appeal to the readers senses and evoke his emotions.
Techniques in descriptive writing
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Use details to make your descriptions come alive.

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Focus on stimulating the senses (sight, sound, smell, taste and touch). Choose appropriate
nouns, adjectives and verbs to help the reader see and feel things.
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A descriptive essay need not be boring and monotonous. Adopt a lively tone and reveal your

feelings, responses and reactions so that the reader feels them too.
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Bring out various aspects in your essay. For instance, if you are describing a person, do not
limit your description to the persons physical appearance. Include a detailed description of his/her
character and personality and talk about how other people react to him/her. Include a detailed
paragraph of an incident which highlights one of these aspects.
Task
Let us now try to write a descriptive essay based on the following topic:
Describe a frightening experience.

Sample answer
The door creaked noisily when I unlocked it. Its hinges, brown with rust, screeched as if angry at
having been forced open. I saw nothing but darkness.
I narrowed my eyes, squinting and straining to see what secrets lay hidden in the room no one had
been allowed to enter as long as mother had been alive. Now, with mother gone, I saw no reason
why I should not enter the forbidden room and unearth its secrets, which mother had purportedly
taken with her to the grave.
I could hear my heart pounding in my chest as I slowly stepped inside. Everyone in the family always
said that I was the fearless one but this time, for no apparent reason, I suddenly felt fear seep into
my body and crawl underneath my skin.
Never in my life had I experienced such eerie feelings. Where was my skepticism? Where was my
courage? Why had they abandoned me when I needed them?
I felt like taking to my heels but could not summon the energy to do so. Whatever was in the room,
whether it was an anxious soul or a well-kept secret, pulled at me like a magnet, wanting me to face
it.
Nervously, my fingers found the switch on the torchlight. I fumbled with it for several seconds before I
was able to switch it on.
I flashed it around and what I saw was something I had seen countless times in all those eerie
made-for-TV movies. The only difference was this time everything was real the cobwebs, the
dusty furniture, the dirty walls.
Sheets which had once been white were now ash grey with dust as they lay stretched over furniture.
The more I looked around, the more tense I felt.
Just then, I felt a slightly chilling draft whiz past me. I froze. There were no windows in the room.
Every opening had been sealed a long time ago. Where had it come from?
Then I felt it again. It whizzed past me to the other side of the room. I knew I was not alone.
Then, it circled around me several times while assaulting my senses. Wave after wave of fear
enveloped me, tormenting every part of my body. Suddenly, a light zoomed past me and hit the wall.
That was when I saw it. That was when I saw the restless spirit.
It looked exactly like me, except for its pale deathly appearance. Was I hallucinating? Was my mind
playing tricks on me?

I could not fathom what was happening and I did not want to. All I wanted to do was run but my feet
felt heavy like lead.
Then the figure bounced around me as if to torment me further. The agony was unbearable and I felt
my body become limp as I crumbled to the floor.
When I regained consciousness, I found myself surrounded by the anxious faces of my family
members. I was told I had been unconscious for several days. All the doctors could tell them was
that I had probably had a terrifying experience which had embedded itself in my mind. I had been
writhing in bed and saying only one word, Francis.
Who was he? I did not know any Francis.
Finally, dad revealed, with a heavy heart, that Francis had been my twin brother who had died in
infancy. Mum had always blamed herself for his death. Mum and dad had been unable to forget him
and had kept all his memories locked up in the forbidden room.
No one, not even my grandparents, had known about his birth. It was a dark secret my parents kept
to themselves, thinking that in some way they had killed their son.
Over the next few days, dad had some priests come over to say prayers to appease Francis, the
spirit. I still find it hard to believe that my parents had kept such a terrible, dark secret.
I believe Francis had died of sudden cot death syndrome, something which was unheard of back
then.
Anyway, I will never be the same again. I cannot say I do not believe in spirits and denizens of the
other world. How can I when I have had a close encounter with one?
Guiding questions
In analysing the above essay, you may try answering the following questions:

What is the writer describing?

Why is the incident/experience important to the writer?
What were her feelings at that time? How does she convey these feelings?
How does she engage the reader?
What mental images does she create? Are they vivid enough?
What feelings does the essay evoke? Is it effective in evoking such feelings?

The sample essay given is also suitable if the question is Describe an unusual
encounter, or, Describe an unforgettable experience.

Guidelines to remember when writing a narrative essay

You have to decide whether to write your essay from your own perspective or
someone elses. The first person or third person singular is the most popular voice
If you choose to write from your own perspective, then use the first person singular,
that is,
I.
If you choose to write from someone elses perspective, use third person pronouns
(he, she,
it). Be consistent in your choice of pronouns. Do not switch perspectives
mid-way through
the essay.

Engage your reader. Make the story real for him. Get him involved in your
experience

Bring your characters to life. Make them real. Make them memorable
It is always more interesting to read about flawed characters.
Have a simple plot. You will be better off using chronological order. Flashbacks
are a wonderful device but you should only engage in this if you can carry it off

Use the simple past tense if you cannot handle the past perfect tense

Use verbs and adjectives to enable your reader to visualise things in his minds
eye

You may use dialogue but use it sparingly and effectively. Remember, you are
writing a narrative, not a script

Avoid using informal language

Avoid clichs
.
Sample essay
Write a story ending with, I never saw her again after that. The gaunt figure that inched
its way slowly towards the medicine counter looked old and haggard.
Her dreary-looking outfit did nothing to conceal her bleak and depressing demeanour.
Anyone who looked at her would have thought she carried the worlds burdens on her
shoulders.

Quietly, she sat on one of the chairs and waited patiently, like the rest of us, for her
number to be flashed on the digital screen.
I was rattled. I knew I had seen her somewhere before a younger, happier version.
There was no way I could be wrong. Like an arrow released from its bow, the buried and
forgotten memories pierced my heart with an unknown intensity.
It had to be Mary Anne, my best friend in secondary school. Then again, this person
looked old, much too old to be 29. Anyway, I summoned enough courage and went
towards her. Hearing my footsteps, she looked up slowly. The flash of recognition in her
eyes told me I was not wrong.
It is you, Mary Anne Danker, is it not?
She nodded her head silently as if embarrassed.
Hello, John? You are looking good.
Her remarks reminded me of how beautiful she had been once. Mary Anne had been
the school beauty. Everyone had admired her for her looks, her brains and her beautiful
character.
Many had said, rather enviously, that God had worked overtime with her making her
one of his masterpieces.
One day, Mary Anne had stopped coming to school. Devastated, I had gone to her
house, only to find it all locked up. Checks with neighbours proved futile. No one knew
where the Danker family had gone and why they had left so suddenly.
Taking a seat next to her, I wondered what had happened to the ravishing beauty I had
once known.
Why did you leave so suddenly, Mary Anne? Why?
She looked at me nervously, clasping and unclasping her hands in her lap. I could
sense that she was rather reluctant to talk, reluctant to expose a part of her life which
had probably caused her a great deal of pain and suffering. A prolonged silence ensued.
Finally, she inhaled deeply and started telling me her story.

Her mother had been diagnosed with endstage cancer and there was nothing the
doctors could do. They said that she had only three months to live. Her father thought it
best to return to their hometown, to let her live in peace in the surroundings she had
grown up in.
Her father, devastated by his wifes death, started to neglect his own health and three
months later, he too died of a broken heart, leaving Mary Anne in the care of relatives.
Tears rolled down Mary Annes cheeks as she related the difficult years with her aunt.
The old widow treated her badly, forcing Mary Anne to quit school and to work as a
dishwasher in a restaurant. The cruel old lady often beat her, and her cousins, jealous
of her beauty, were more vicious than their mother.
Now that the aunt was old and suffering from cancer, her five children had deserted her
when they realised that she needed special care. Despite her aunts ghastly treatment
of her, Mary Anne felt sorry for her.
I cannot leave her. She has no one else, she said. I have promised to take care of her
till the end of her life.
I looked at Mary Anne and saw her goodness. Instead of seeing a gaunt and weary
figure, I saw an amazingly beautiful human being.
My heart went out to her. Just then her number was flashed on the screen. She got up
and collected the medicine which, I understood, was for her aunt. Never had I felt so
helpless and wretched. Her story reminded me of something my late grandfather used
to say,
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
Before leaving, Mary Anne turned and smiled sadly at me. I never saw her again after
that.
(677 words)
Let us analyse the elements in the sample essay.
Simple plot

The story revolves around Mary Anne who leaves town when her mother is
diagnosed with cancer. Her parents die and she is treated cruelly by her aunt
A chance encounter at a pharmacy reveals this to the narrator.
Setting

Most likely, a pharmacy/clinic

A past event (no specific time entioned).

Important characters

Mary Anne

Narrator

The aunt
How the essay seeks to engage the reader
Vivid portrayal of the character through the use of verbs, adjectives and adverbs.
The gaunt figure that inched its way slowly towards the medicine counter looked old
and haggard. Her dreary-looking outfit did nothing to conceal her bleak and depressing
demeanour.
Quietly, she sat on one of the chairs and waited patiently, like the rest of us, for her
number to be flashed on the digital screen.
Vivid reminder of what the character had been like before.
Mary Anne had been the school beauty. Everyone had admired her for her looks, her
brains and her beautiful character.
Focus shifts from loss of external to internal beauty.
I wondered what had happened to the ravishing beauty I had once known. Then again,
this person looked old, much too old to be 29.
Narrators realisation that she is still beautiful on the inside.
I looked at Mary Anne and saw her goodness. Instead of seeing a gaunt and weary
figure, I saw an amazingly beautiful human being.

Narrators thoughts and feelings.

Anyone who looked at her would have thought she carried the worlds burdens on her
shoulders.
I was rattled. I looked at Mary Anne and saw her goodness. Instead of seeing a gaunt
and weary figure, I saw an amazingly beautiful human being. My heart went out to her.
Effective use of past and past perfect tense.
Her remarks reminded me of how beautiful she had been once. Mary Anne had been
the school beauty. Everyone had admired her for her looks, her brains and her beautiful
character.
Touch of humour.
Many had said, rather enviously, that God had worked overtime with her making her
one of his masterpieces.
Choice of words.

Precise/apt pitiable

Not repetitive, e.g. treated her badly, ghastly treatment.

Inclusion of dialogue.

Gives voice to the narrator and Mary Anne.

Breaks monotony of narration

Varied sentence structures.
I was rattled. (simple sentence)
Her mother had been diagnosed with end-stage cancer and there was nothing the
doctors could do. (compound sentence)
Now that the aunt was old and suffering from cancer, her five children had deserted her
when they realised that she needed special care. (complex sentence)
Use of repetition for emphasis.

"Why did you leave so suddenly, Mary Anne? Why"

Unexpected ending.
Mary Anne does not desert her aunt in her time of need. The beauty of her character
shines through.
Sometimes, you can change a story to suit another topic. Why dont you manipulate the
sample essay to fit the topic Beauty?

Sample 1
The frail old woman seated in the wheelchair slowly looks up when she hears
approaching footsteps. I look at the deeply wrinkled face and search for some signs of
recognition but fail to do so. She, on her part, looks at me blankly and after a few
seconds continues doing what she had been doing earlier looking at her gnarled
fingers and toying with the gold band on her third finger. Sighing in disappointment, I
wonder what is on her mind. It pains my heart to know what Alzheimers disease and
arthritis have done to this feeble woman.
Grandmother has not always been like this. She used to be an energetic woman who
had much love to share with those around her, be they her children, grandchildren or
daughters-in law. My mother, her eldest sons wife, had not a negative word to say
about grandma who had welcomed her into their home. In fact, mum always says that
she is blessed to have a mother-in-law and not a monster-in-law.
Married at the tender age of 14 to a labourer, she had been a loyal and supportive wife.
Grandfather, when he was alive, would sometimes regale us with stories from his past.
He would fondly tell us that he was a lucky man to have married grandma although the
circumstances under which they got married were not so joyous. Grandma had been
the village beauty but when the Japanese invaded Malaya, my great grandfather,
grandmas father, decided that marriage was the only solution to save her from the
clutches of the rampaging Japanese soldiers who went around raping and abducting
young girls. We did not marry for love, but survival. Yet we are happy, unlike many

young couples these days who split even before the honeymoon is over! Grandma
always looked shy and demure when grandpa was in his story-telling moods.
Blessed with three sons, they worked hard to bring up their boys. Grandpa and
grandma, who were both illiterate, made sure that their sons got the education they
deserved so that their lives would be different. Despite his meagre salary, grandfather
was able to send his sons to school and later to university. He did this by working
overtime and taking on other menial tasks. Grandma did her share by washing and
ironing clothes for a rich taukey and his family.
All three sons got married in due time and lived with grandpa and grandma in a double
storey house my dad bought soon after becoming the managing director of a local telco.
After grandpas demise, however, my two uncles moved out due to work commitments.
grandma continued to live with us as she could not bear to part with me, her first
grandson.
I am fortunate as I have many fond memories of my grandmother. She babysat me
when my mum went to work. She accompanied me to school every morning during my
primary school years. She made sure I had my meals, cajoling me when I was reluctant
to eat. She was there to share my happiness and sorrow.
All this started to change when she had arthritis. It hurt me because there was nothing I
could do to ease her suffering although she put on a brave front despite the excruciating
pain she suffered when family members were present.
Six years ago, grandmother started showing signs of Alzheimers Disease. At first, she
forgot the little things what she was doing, where she had put her glasses etc. Slowly
the disease took its toll. Now, she has forgotten everything. She cannot recognise her
sons and their wives; worse still, she cannot remember me. It pains me to see a woman
who had once been a bundle of energy reduced to this.
I slowly move towards her, bend down and take her hands in mine, hoping that
somehow, in the deep recesses of her faded memory, she can remember me. She looks
up at me in childlike innocence and smiles, not out of recognition but in the way one
would at strangers who show the slightest bit of caring. I know I have lost her forever.
Paragraph 1
Vivid portrayal of the grandmother:

- frail old woman, deeply wrinkled face

- gnarled fingers, toying with the gold band
Vivid portrayal of narrators and grandmothers feelings:
- looks at me blankly, sighing in disappointment, pains my heart
Use of present tense:
- indicates grandmother is still alive
Paragraph 2
Looks at grandmothers qualities before illness:
- healthy, energetic, loving
Use of past tense:
- indicates shift in story from the present to the past
Use of present tense:
- shows narrators mother still has nothing negative to say about grandmother
Touch of humour:
- not a monster-in-law
Paragraph 3
Continues with looking at grandmother:
- her qualities (loyal and supportive wife)
- her history (marriage to grandfather)
Choice of words:
- precise/apt encompass so much meaning, e.g. regale, rampaging, joyous, invaded

- not repetitive, e.g. my great grandfather is replaced with grandma's father

Inclusion of dialogue:
- gives voice to the grandfather
- breaks monotony of narration
Paragraph 4
Continues with account of grandmothers life after marriage:
- worked hard
Paragraph 5
Account of grandmothers life after grandfathers death:
- continued to live with eldest son, close to narrator
Choice of words:
- demise instead of death, telco
Paragraph 6
Role of grandmothers in narrators life:
- took care of him
- played the role of mother
Use of repetitive sentence structure for emphasis:
- She babysat...
- She accompanied me...
- She was there?
Paragraph 7

Introduces grandmothers illness:

- Arthritis and how narrator felt to see her suffering
Paragraph 8
Narrator tells us about her other illness: Alzheimers
Shift in focus from the past back to the present
Repetition of sentence structure to emphasise what Alzheimers has done to her:
- ...she forgot?
- ...she cannot remember?
Paragraph 9
Return to the present:
- Focus is on narrators feelings
- We can sense his frustration at her inability to recognise him.
The narrative essay is quite demanding as it requires you to engage your reader. The
merits of the essay above are pointed out in the margin. Although you are asked to write
an essay of at least 350 words, it is difficult to write an interesting story within this range
of words. The length of the above essay is 700 words. So go ahead and let your
creative juices flow.
Avoid writing essays like the example shown in the excerpt below.

My grandmother is sixty-eight years old. She is thin and frail. Her skin is dry and
withered. She is a widow and she lives with us.
My grandmother was born in Kuala Nerang in 1939. She was the eldest of nine siblings.
Her father was a rubber tapper and her mother was a housewife. She did not go to
school because her parents were very poor.

The essay above is dull and boring because the writer has used only simple and
compound sentences. Sentences structures are often repeated She is?, She was?
When writing a narrative, remember
You can make use of your own everyday experiences at home, at school or in your
neighbourhood as long as they are interesting, realistic and authentic. For
instance, you might want to write about your neighbours who abuse their maid or the
rebellious teenager at school who gets into all sorts of trouble just to get his parents
attention. In your descriptions, you may want to draw on your observations of people
you know their mannerisms, habits, behaviours, ambitions or desires.
You can also make use of other peoples stories or experiences and make them your
own. For instance, you can draw on stories you have heard from others, or read about
in the newspapers, or even watched on television.
Make your essay vivid and engaging. Make your characters come to life use words to
paint visual images. Describe their emotions and feelings.
Inject humour into your essay if you can, but let me remind you that this is a difficult
skill.
Make sure your essay is not monotonous.
Pitfalls to avoid
Do not let your imagination run too wild. Do not turn an essay into a dream. Many
students write beautiful essays but the oomph disappears when they insert a
sentence: Suddenly, I woke up and realised that no such thing had happened as I had
been dreaming.
Do pay attention to the sensitivities of our Asian culture. Avoid subjects like sex,
violence, horror and profanities and blasphemy.
Do not write out a draft as you do not have the time.
Avoid the use of too much dialogue/conversation. Remember you are asked to write a
narrative, not a dialogue/conversation.