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A letter to my cheating, lying husband | Life and style | The Guardian

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A letter to my cheating, lying husband

The letter you always wanted to write
The Guardian, Saturday 5 July 2 01 4

It's been about 12 weeks since I saw the awful texts that confirmed my suspicions that
you were being unfaithful. For two years I had been questioning whether you loved me
as I felt so unloved so much so that I occasionally asked if you were having an affair.
And I felt you were avoiding me. You assured me every time that you did love me and
were not having an affair, which made me feel happy that things were fine again, for
a while.
However, I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right but because you were
reassuring me, I began to question my own sanity. I became ill, had panic attacks and
anxiety. Our children wondered why you were going out so much and not spending
much time with me or with us as a family. But you carried on being selfish.

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A letter to my cheating, lying husband | Life and style | The Guardian

Originally, when I confronted you about the texts on that awful day, you were adamant
it had only been a one-night stand. Although the familiarity in the tone of those texts did
not ring true for just a one-night stand, when I asked you, yet again you reassured me.
You arranged for me to go to a Relate appointment with you the very next day, to which
I'd agreed. Five minutes before we were due to go in for our session, you broke the
devastating news that you had indeed been having an affair for 18 months.
My world fell apart. I was utterly distraught. You were my world my friend, my only
lover and you had completely betrayed and hurt me to a degree beyond my
comprehension.
After a week or so, you twisted the knife yet again and admitted the affair had really
been going on for two years.
You had also spent some of our family money on this woman and taken her away for
weekends. You said you had purchased several bottles of wine every time you met her,
as you put it, to help you "do the deed" as it was "just drunken sex".
You bought her flowers, a photographic memory book with pictures of you together and
a necklace for her birthday. You took her away to several concerts, including the V
festival. You took her for a night in A HOTEL the day after Valentine's day, which was
also a couple of days before her birthday. And all that time you were lying to me about
who you were seeing and what you were doing. I was so trusting.
The woman is a work colleague and you obviously still see her every day, even though
you have said you are no longer "seeing" her. I am not sure that I believe you after so
many lies for so long. Unfortunately, I will never know whether you are still seeing her,
as you can just do as you please now because you are no longer with me. You fooled me
so well.
You continue to treat me despicably. You do not show any remorse or regret for what
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A letter to my cheating, lying husband | Life and style | The Guardian

you have done, nor do you show any emotions or feelings towards me or my wellbeing
you act as if nothing has happened and not once have you cried.
You have told me that you hadn't loved me properly for quite some time, which I am
extremely upset about as you never brought up the problems in our relationship so that
we could have tried to work them out. We had been together 28 years and that's a lot of
memories to throw away.
Everything is so hurtful. I am devastated that you decided that our relationship was
over and was going to end in such a horrible way, and that you made that awful,
emotionless woman part of our marriage.
You do say you are sorry, but that really is an empty word for the immense pain that
you have caused me and our children. I have lost my husband and my best friend and I
am not sure I will ever fully recover from the heartache you have caused me.
Your heartbroken wife
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