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42RulesforCreatingWE(2 n d Edition) A Hands-On, Practical Approach to Organizational Development, Change and

42RulesforCreatingWE(2 nd Edition)

A Hands-On, Practical Approach to Organizational Development, Change and LeadershipBestPractices

EditedbyJudithE.Glaser

ForewordbyAngelaAhrendts

CEO,BurberryGroupPLC

ForewordbyAngelaAhrendts CEO,BurberryGroupPLC E-mail: info@superstarpress.com

20660StevensCreekBlvd.,Suite210

Cupertino,CA95014

Copyright(c)2009,2012byJudithE.Glaser

All rights reserved.No partof this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmittedbyanymeans electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording,or otherwise without writtenpermissionfromthepublisher.

PublishedbySuperStarPressTM,aHappyAbout(r)imprint20660StevensCreekBlvd.,Suite210,

Cupertino,CA95014

SecondPrinting:November2009

2 nd Edition:October2012 1 st Edition(2 nd Printing):November2009 1 st Edition(1 st Printing):July2009 PaperbackISBN(2 nd Edition):978-1-60773-098-9(1-60773-098-7) PaperbackISBN(1 st Edition):978-1-60773-048-4(1-60773-048-0) eBookISBN(1 st Edition):978-1-60773-049-1(1-60773-049-9) PlaceofPublication:SiliconValley,California,USA

LibraryofCongressNumber:2009932454

Trademarks

All terms mentionedinthis bookthatare knownto be trademarks or service marks have been appropriatelycapitalized.HappyAbout(r),noranyofitsimprints,cannotattesttotheaccuracyofthis information.Useof aterm inthisbookshouldnotberegardedasaffecting thevalidityof any trademarkorservicemark.

WarningandDisclaimer

Every effort has been made to make this book as complete and as accurate as possible. The information provided is on an "as is" basis.The author(s), publisher, and its agents assume no responsibilityforerrorsoromissionsnorassumeliabilityorresponsibilitytoanypersonorentity withrespecttoanylossordamagesarisingfromtheuseofinformationcontainedherein.

PraiseForThisBook!

"Oneofthemostpleasingandcaptivatingaspectsofmusicistheabilitytoidentifyandbringtogether sounds that when heard individually would appear lacking and discordant into a beautiful and

completeharmony.In'42RulesforCreatingWE,'leaderswilllearnhowtolistenforthesedifferent

soundsandhowtheycanusethemto bring abouttheharmonizationoftheir organizationinto a beautifulandcompleteWE." NileRodgers,CEO,WeareFamilyFoundation;Composer;MusicProducer

"'42RulesofCreating We'presentsamulti-dimensionalphilosophyregarding thecreationofan organizationalcontextinwhichprofoundinsightsintohumannatureandinterrelationshipscanbe harnessedforgreaterproductivity,successandcompatibility.Thisapproachrequirestheexploration andadoptionofconceptsthatarefundamentaltothehumanconditionsuchastruth,integrity,attitude andsensitivitytoothersandtheirideas." KennethBistany,PastPresident,CPCInternationalEastAsia

"Evenmilitaryorganizationshavetolookbeyondtraditionalnormsandfindwaystobeinclusiveand imaginative.CreatingWEhelpsreaderstotapintothatintuitivewisdomweallpossess,buthavelost sightofinthiscompetitiveworld."

ChiefWarrantOfficer3MichelleCriste,InstructionalSystemsSchoolChief

"Inhergroundbreakingwork,CreatingWe,JudithE.Glaser providesamanualfor buildinghigh functioningteamsbyfocusingonthehumancharacteristicsthatmostoftensabotageourbestefforts atgettingpeopletoworktogether.NowthroughthecollaborationofmembersofTheCreatingWe Institute,shehasputtogether additionalrecipesfor successthatprovide42differentinsightsinto building a WE-centric organization. Like a cookbook, the 42 Rules can be read in any order depending on the occasion and background of the reader. You'll find helpful tools for any managementstyleandawidevarietyofsituations." RichardNaylor,MLS,MBA,DirectoroftheWilliamK.SanfordTownLibrary

"Tocreateanenvironmentwherepeoplecanthriveandsucceediseveryleader'shopeandgoal.'42

RulesforCreatingWE,'withitsdowntoearthtipsandtools,masterfullywrittenbythosewhohave spentdecadesbuilding WE-Centricenvironmentsacrosstheglobe,isanimmeasurablyimportant contributiontowardsthisend.Leaderswillforeverbethankfulforhavingreadit." DamienDernoncourt,CEO,JohnHardyLimited

"OneofthemostpowerfulandprofoundleadershipideasI'veencounteredisWE-centricthinking. Factis,theGaryCoopergo-it-aloneheroicmodeldidn'tevenworkinHighNoon;heneededGrace Kelly'shelptofinishoffthebadguys!Now,membersofTheCreatingWeInstitutehavewrittenthis

veryaccessiblebookof42rulestohelpeveryoneshiftfromI-centricthinkingtomoreinclusive,

moreproductivewaysofworkingandbeingwithothers.Itisaguidebooktoco-creatingourfutures,

worthreadingandkeepingandreadingagain."

JoelMarks,VicePresident/ExecutiveProducer,LearningCommunications

"ToparaphraseVictorHugo,'Nothingisaspowerfulasanideawhosetimehascome.'JudithGlaser

and fellow members of The Creating We Institute have created a highly original and thought- provokingbookthatisastrongaffirmationofthepowerofWE--anideawhosetimehascome.The authorsof'42Rulesfor Creating WE'do agreatjobindemonstrating thepower ofWE-centric thinkingandhowitcanhelpuscreatestrongerfamilies,communities,companiesandnations."

PeggyMurrahandChrisMuccio,co-authorsof42Rulesfor24HourSuccessonLinkedIn

"'42Rules'isahandycollectionofrelationshipgems--wheneveryoufeelstuckinarelationshipand

wonderhowtogetunstuck,pickupthistreasuretroveandfindthegemofinsightthatprovidesa

roadmapforgettingunstuck."

Dr.PierceJ.Howard,author,TheOwner'sManualfortheBrain

Formoretestimonialsandquotesforthisbook,pleasesee"AdditionalPraiseForThisBook!"atthe

endofthisbook.

ForewordbyAngelaAhrendts

IhavealwaysfeltthatwhenJudithGlaserandImetover20yearsago,itwasnotsimplybychance,

butoneoflife'spredestinedgifts.IwasinmyfirstlargeleadershippositionasthePresidentofDonna Karanand,inparallel,Judithhadrecentlylaunchedhernewbusinessventure.Weconnectedatan inflectionpointinbothofourcareers,spendinghourscuriouslydelvingintopersonalphilosophies and methodologies while discovering that our joint energy and shared perspective resulted in intriguinginsights.Manyofherearlylessonsandinsightsarestillpartofmyleadershipstyletoday.

WhenTheCreatingWEInstitutewasborntwoyearsago,Ihadnodoubtthatthisdiversegroupof highlyaccreditedindividualswouldcollectivelycreateoneofthemostvaluableleadershipbiblesfor thisgeneration.Theyunitedasateamtocreatethe'WE'theywouldwriteabout,enacting,analyzing,

andtestingthe42Ruleswewouldsoonread.

Asamodern-thinking,hands-onCEOofaPLC(PublicLimitedCompany),Ilovethatthethemes containedinthisworkarecenteredonhumanemotionsandinstincts.Weintuitivelyandinformally

usemanyoftheserulesnumeroustimesadayand42Ruleshelpstofocus,organize,andmagnifythe

importanceofeach,giving usfurther inspirationalinsightsinto howto moreconstructivelyand systematicallyleveragewithinourorganizations.

In2006,Burberrybeganitstransformationfrom aprivateto apubliccompany,revitalizing the

companyforasecondtimein10yearswhileplanningtodoublerevenueandprofitsinfiveyears--no

easyfeat.Theestimatedprobabilityofsuccesswasfivepercent.Weknewthatabrilliantteamof functionalexpertswasour onlypossibilityto achieveour goals;ateamthatwould'Shatter Old Paradigms,'andtrulyunderstand'WhatMovesPeople'toperformattheirpeak.

Weagreedearlyonthatourcourseofactionwouldnotbewhatwasbestfortheindividual,butwhat was bestfor the brand.We all hadto be selfless to win(Rule #3) andinorder to buildbrand momentum,weknewweneededafocused,consciouslycontagious'CultLikeCulture'thatinitself

wouldcreatetheenergyneededtopermeatethroughoutthecompany--(Rule#15).Alongwithpassion

andenergy,ournewteamwasbuiltonatrustthatallowedustofurther'FosterIntegrity,Candor,and

Caring.'Wedidnotsimplyhiregreatindividuals,butindividualswhowereculturallycompatiblewith

ourorganizationandservedasgreatteammembers.

Asagloballuxurybrandinafast-moving,socially-interconnectedworld,communicationacrossall mediumswasacriticalcomponentinclarifyingapureandconsistentvision.Weneededtobeacutely awareofhowaunited,focused,sharing,synergisticteamcouldachievefargreaterthingsforour

business,ouremployees,andthecommunitieswhereweliveandwork(Rule#28;Rules#36-42)and

thatourBrandisourbeacontoouremployee,customer,andconsumerconstituenciesworldwide. Indeed,ourgreatestaccomplishmentatBurberryhasbeentoinstillastrongfaithorbeliefinthe team,brand,andvisionwhilealwaysadheringtothelifelonggoldenrule,orasTheCreatingWe Institutecallsit,'WalkInTheir Shoes'(Rule#18),andmaintainingaconstantawarenessof'How WordsCreateWorlds.'

IttookNapoleonHillnearly25yearstowritehislegendaryguidebookforindividualsuccess,'Think

andGrowRich.'JudithandTheCreating WEInstitute(withover athousandyearsofcombined experience)havewrittentoday'sgreatestguideforteamsuccessinlessthantwoanditwillsoonbe

readbyallBurberryemployeesworldwide.JustasJudithdidover20yearsago,thisexceptional

guidebookhasarrivedattheperfecttimeto helpleadBurberryandmyselfevenfurther toward achievingourdreams.

AngelaAhrendts,CEO BurberryGroupPLC

July,2009

DedicationtomyCreatingWEInstitutecolleagues

JudithE.Glaser

In 2007, a friend and colleague, Peg Aldridge, asked if I would be interested in designing an innovationsummitfor QueensUniversityinCharlotte,NorthCarolina.Withinafewmonths,our

InnovationSummitlaunched,andthereweremorethan300attendeeswith30facilitatorsonhandfor

thetwo-dayevent.Outofthisrippledanenergythathasbeenunstoppable.Iamforevergratefulfor

Peg'sinfluenceinmovingmetostepuptothisbigandexcitingchallenge.

Next,agreatthinghappened--IgotanemailfromSouthAfricafromLouisevanRhyn--whoIdidn't

yetknow--toflytoSouthAfricaandworkwithhertointroducemyworktoleadersfromallwalksof

life.Icouldn'tsaynotoLouise.Youwillunderstandwhywhenyoureadher'RespondwithYes!'Rule.

Mytwo-weekvisittoSouthAfricabroughtmeintoconversationwiththousandsofleadersthere,in

businessandgovernment,aswellasconsultants,coachesandemployeestodiscussandexploremy

concepts,ideasandpracticesonCreatingWE.

AfterourSouthAfricanwork,LouisewantedtocometotheU.S.tobecomecertifiedinCreatingWE principlesandpractices,andIinvitedmy'thoughtleadershipcircle' of colleaguesto joinus.In

Octoberof2007,IlaunchedthefirstCreatingWEThoughtLeadershipSummit.

AmonthbeforetheSummit,afewofus(JerryManas,PegAldridge,NancyRingandI)createda virtualvenueonthewebtostartconversationsamongstpeoplewhohadn'tyetmeteachother in person.Anincrediblecuriositysoonemergedaspeoplebegantopose'bigquestions'theywantedto discuss with others prior to the Summit. These included examining and understanding 'the connectionsbetweenlanguage,energy,andtheneuroscienceofrelationships.'

Everyonewascuriousaboutwhatothershadtosay.Thecamaraderiewithinthegroupsurfacedeven beforeourface-to-facemeeting,andtheSummitfarexceededeveryone'sexpectations.Mycolleagues developeddeepconnectionsandbecameacohesiveteam.AttheSummitwediscussedbigthemes such as energy, neuroscience, branding, innovation, generativity and humanity. We discovered commonbondsbasedoninfusinganewspiritofWEintotheworld.Weeachsharedwhatwewere workingonwithclients,andhowwewerethinkingandevolvingouruniquepracticeareas.During thisdeepsharingprocesswegotexcitedabouteachother'spassions.

Attheendofour2.5daystogether,weunanimouslyagreedtoformTheCreatingWeInstitute(CWI).

BrianPenry,ourresidentArtDirectorandbrandguru,createdtheincrediblelogoforus,whichison the cover of this book.In shortorder our Institute members started interacting with each other regularly.Overthecourseofthenextsixmonthswebeganco-authoringarticles.WhenKenShelton's

'ExecutiveExcellence'Magazinefeaturedfourofourarticles(intheJuly2008issue)wethoughtwe'd

gonetoheaven!

Findingour'virtual'conversations--andour'newvoices'soexciting,wewantedmorefacetimeto

'co-create,'andsoweheldasecondSummit.InthesecondSummit,werecognizedthatsomethingwas

happeningintheroom:inco-creatingandexploringnewterritorywehadentereda'generative'state,

onewewantedtolearnmoreabout,andsharewithourclients.

Wefoundwewerebecomingbolder,moreinnovative,andmoreopentonewwaysofthinking.We cameupwithatermfor thisnewparadigm;terming theenergywefeltwithandfor eachother 'generativeconnectivity.'Wealsodecidedthatwewerebecomingpioneersinanemergingfield,one thatweseeas'theneuroscienceofWE.'Wearealsoeagerlyengagedintranslatingwhatweare learninginthisemergingfieldintopracticalwisdomforleaderssotheycanhelptheirorganizations achievehigherlevelsofproductivityandengagement.

The'CreatingWEInstitute'hasbeenstructuredtoundertakeresearch,writingprojects,andclient interventions.We are certifying others--clients--in our work so thatthey can learn whatwe are learning.WearedevelopingTAGs(TargetedActionGroups)toengagepractitionersandclientswith similarinterestsinastructuredwayofco-developingtoolstobringthisworkintoorganizations.We hope you will visit our website and read more about who we are and what we believe in-- (www.creatingweinstitute.com)Pleasealso reachoutto usifyouareinspiredto beapartofthe Institute--andtheenergythatisemergingaroundcreatingmore'WE'intheworld!

BigThankYous!

IwanttothankallofmycolleaguesatTheCreatingWeInstitutefortakinganopen-mindedleapwith

meintonewwaysofthinking.Noneofusknewwhenwestartedwherethisincrediblejourneywould

takeus,buttheenergyandenthusiasmhasjustcontinuedtogrowandgrow.

TheCreatingWeInstitute

TheCreatingWeInstitutenowhasmembersfromaroundtheglobeandwearegrowing.Wehave begunestablishingTheCreatingWeInstitute(CWI)CentersindifferentcitiesandwillbeofferingWe are working with our partners in other countries to bring WE-centric Leadership to Schools, EducationalInstitutions,Universitiesandworkplacesinsmall,mediumandlargecompanies.

ThroughourGlobalPartnerships,we 1 velaunchedCreatingWEInstituteSouthAmerica,Creating WEInstituteAsia,CreatingWEInstituteSouthAfrica,CreatingWEInstituteNigeria.IntheUSwe haveCWIInstitutesopeningupintheCarolinas,Chicago,andotherlocations.

WearebuildingCreatingWEPartnershipswithTheNationalConstitutionCenter,withDrexeland

TempleUniversitiestoteachCreatingWe,WE-CentricLeadership,andConversationalIntelligence-

ourflagshipprograms-tostudentsthroughclassroomeducationandwellasthroughotherinteractive

media.

partnerships

(http://www.creatingwe.com/institute/membership-directory), I also want to deeply thank our new colleagueswhohavejoinedandcontributedtoourInstitute,andourclientswhohaveshowninterest indrawingonourInstitute(http://www.creatingwe.com/we-are/the-team)andourbodyofwork.

In addition

to

all

of

our

growing

and

exciting

Withyou,aboard,Iknowwecanandwillexpandthecapacityforleaderstogrowandevolvetheir

WE-centricleadershiparoundtheworld!

AndtomysummerinternsandeditorsCarlaRoodandRamiGlatt-Icouldn'thavedonethiswithout

you!Thankyousomuchforproofingthebookandmakingsurewesaidwhatwewantedtosay

clearly!Aspecialthankstootomythirdintern,AnnaBorgwing,whoisalsoworkingwithmeto

producetheAuthorsStudioInterviews,whichIamdoingwithincredibleleaders.Andmyfourth

internYaakovCohen,whoishelpingusorganizeourNeuro-tipswhichwewillmakeavailablefor

thosewhowanttobetterunderstandthesciencebehindwhyCreatingWEworks

Judith

Epigraph

"Wedonotbelieveinourselvesuntilsomeonerevealsthatdeepinsideusisvaluable,worthlistening to,worthyofour trust,sacredto our touch.Oncewebelieveinourselveswecanriskcuriosity, wonder,spontaneousdelightoranyexperiencethatrevealsthehumanspirit."

--E.E.Cummings(1894-1962),poet,playwright,painter,essayist

"Weneedtogiveeachotherthespacetogrow,tobeourselves,toexerciseourdiversity.Weneedto giveeachotherspacesothatwemaybothgiveandreceivesuchbeautifulthingsasideas,openness, dignity,joy,healing,andinclusion."

--MaxDePree(b.1924),author,formerCEOofHermanMiller,Inc.

"Thereisnosuchthingasa'self-made'man.Wearemadeupofthousandsofothers.Everyonewho haseverdoneakinddeedforus,orspokenonewordofencouragementtous,hasenteredintothe make-upofourcharacterandofourthoughts,aswellasoursuccess."

--GeorgeBurtonAdams(1851-1925),educator,historian

Contents

ForewordForewordbyAngelaAhrendts

PrefacePrefacebyJudithE.Glaser

IntroIntroduction

SectionIShatterOldParadigms

Rule1RulesareMeanttoBeBroken

Rule2ThereIsNoQuidProQuoinWE

Rule3BeSelfishtoBecomeSelfless

Rule4LiveinYourHeart'sZone

SectionIIAcknowledgethe'I'Insidethe'WE'

Rule5Thereisan'I'inTeam

Rule6Speakfromthe'I'--Listenfromthe'WE'

Rule7BecomeaCreatingWELeader

Rule8SeektoMineforValue

Rule9TakeYourSeatattheTableandUseIt!

SectionIIIUnderstandWhatMovesPeople

Rule10CreateaVirtualWaterCooler

Rule11LivingtheBrandCreatesWE

Rule12HarnessCollectiveWisdom

Rule13Respondwith"Yes!"

Rule14SometimesThinkingSmallHasBigPayoffs

Rule15BeConsciouslyContagious

SectionIVFosterIntegrity,CandorandCaring

Rule16TheTorchofIntegrity

Rule17TellItLikeItIs

Rule18WalkinTheirShoes

Rule19RespecttheViewsofYourAdversary

Rule20ForgiveandNotForget

Rule21ActinaMannerThatHonorsYourselfandYourAssociates

Rule22SpeakYourVulnerableTruth

Rule23PracticePresence

SectionVUnderstandWhentoPullInsteadofPush

Rule24MoveWith,NotAgainst,Partners

Rule25SeekEngagement,NotCompliance

Rule26ListentoConnect

Rule27EmbraceDifferentPerspectives

Rule28SynergizeYourTeams

SectionVIRealizeHowWordsCreateWorlds

Rule29CreateSharedMeaning

Rule30SupportOthersinRecognizingNeeds

Rule31SeparateOpinionsfromFacts

Rule32BeWillingtoChangeOurBeliefs

Rule33AdvocateforNeeds,NotMeans

Rule34WeAreWhatWeWrite

Rule35BeElegantlyInclusive

SectionVIIExpandBeliefSystemsandPerspectives

Rule36ThinkandAct"BIGWE,littleme"

Rule37TrumpetsforSuccess

Rule38LookBacktoLookForward

Rule39LookatWE,NotMe

Rule40FocusOnWhatWorks

Rule41CreateaSharedVisionfortheFuture

Rule42TheseareOurRules.WhatareYours?

EditorAbouttheEditor

AppendixAContributors'Background

AppendixBTools,Resources&Assessments

AppendixCBooks

AppendixDReferences

YourRulesWriteYourOwnRules

BooksOtherHappyAboutBooks

Preface

PrefacebyJudithE.Glaser

Afewyearsago,Iinvitednearly40colleaguestojoinmeforwhatIcalledaThoughtLeadership

Summit.Wedidn'treallyhaveaplaninmindforhowwewantedtoworktogether,orevenwhatthat

workwouldbe;whatwedidhavewastherecognitionofaspecialenergyconnectingoursmallgroup

oftalentedcolleagues.Weallheldanincrediblelevelofrespectfortheuniquevaluesandskillseach

personbroughttothetable,andwefeltcomfortabletalkingwitheachotherandexploringourdeepest

aspirationstogether.

Everyday,whetheritisforworkorforlifeingeneral,wemoveinandoutofrelationshipsbasedon ourneedsandwhatothershavetooffer,orjustsimplybecauseajobrequiresustodoso.However, during thefirstmeeting ofthisnewgroupofpeople,wediscoveredweweredeveloping avery specialrelationshipwitheachother,differentfromanywehadeverexperiencedbefore.Wefoundwe hadhigherlevelsofempathyandconnectivitythanwenormallydidwithothersandwantedawayto cultivatethisevenfurther--andthus,TheCreatingWeInstitutewasborn.

AtoursecondSummit,wespenttimedefiningwhathadtranspiredatthefirstSummit.Weendedup

callingwhatwehadexperienced'GenerativeConnectivity'anddecidedwewantedtowriteaboutit,

shareitandseehowitintegratedintoourlivesandoursenseofwellbeing.

Today,onlyayear andahalflater,weareforging newallianceswitheachother andwithnew Creating WEInstitutecolleagues.Wearealwaysfinding morepeopleto inviteto joinusinour explorationofnewandprofoundresearcharoundtheneuroscienceofWE,andinotherrelatedareas.

ExecutiveExcellenceMagazine:KenShelton,publisherofExecutiveExcellencemagazinehadthe foresighttopublishmyfirstarticleonVitalInstincts,whichcorrelateswhathappensatthecellular level in organisms to what happens at the organizational levels.Cancer in cells and cancer in organizationsaremirrorimages.WithKen'scontinuedsupportofthe'WE-centric'theme,mywriting andnowourwritinghasenabledustoadvanceourworkandexplorationtowherewearetoday.

August2009ExecutiveExcellencemagazinewillpublishaCWIJournalofarticlesonBrain,Brand

&Energy.Thiswillserveasausefulsupplementto'42RulesforCreatingWE'forthosewhoare

seekingagreaterunderstandingoftheneuroscienceunderlyingthisbook.

MergersandAcquisitions:Sincethewriting of'42Rulesfor Creating WE,'wehavealso been creating alliances with associations such as the Alliance of Mergers & Acquisitions, a national organizationoflawyers,accountingfirms,privateequityexecutivesandbusinesspeople,andweare workingonbuildingassessmenttoolstohelpraisethesuccessratioforM&A's.

Neuroscience of WE Summit: In addition to publishing literature on the topic of applied neuroscience,wehavedevelopedasummitforleaderscalledBringNeuro-innovationBacktoYour

Workplace.It'sbasedonwhatwecall'TheWisdomofthe5Brains,'andenablesleaderstounderstand

howoursocialbrainswork.ByfocusingontheneuroscienceofWEourgoalistoutilizecurrent

researchinthefieldofneuroscienceandmakeitaccessibleandusefultoleadersbyapplyingthis

wisdomtosituationstheyoftenfaceatworksuchashowto:handleconflicts,runbettermeetings,

executestrategies,harvestinnovationandexpandcollaborationinbusinesssettings.

RealityTV:We'veformedapartnershipwithRobertGalinsky,creatorofRealityTVSchool.Weare meldingourtalentstobringleadersan'outofthechair'experienceofhowourbrainsworkunder pressure,underfire,andwhenweareinanoptimumstateofmind.Inourprogramwiththeworking title 'Reality TV Meets the Wisdom of the 5 Brains,' we are using innovative 'improvisational techniques' that create a powerful acceleration in how leaders can shift into higher levels of leadershippresence.Inthissessionwesimulateconversations--called'realplays'--sothatleaderscan

seehowconversationsimpactuswhentheyemanatefromeachofour5brains.

Leadersgettoseewhenourlower,lesshumanbrainsarehijackingusandwhenwearespeaking

fromourhighestbrain--andthenlearntoshiftfromlowertohigher-levelconversationalskills.

TempleUniversityandTheGuruNation:AspartoftheevolutionoftheInstitute,wehavecreated analliancewiththeDeanofTempleUniversity'sSchoolofLiberalArtsaswellastheDeanofits SchoolofNeuroscience.Ourhopeistoworkwiththeminco-creatingaNeuroscienceSummitfor

2010.Tothisend,wewillbeinvitingAmyDornKopelan,CEOofTheGuruNationandBedlam

EntertainmentInc.,tohelpusdevelopthemostexciting,educational,andengagingsummitwecan. WearealsoworkingwithTheGuruNationtobuildalibraryofCreatingWEtools,webinars,and interviews so everyone can learn more about the neuroscience of WE online:

HarvardMedicalSchool:Sincethewritingof42Rules,we'vemadeanalliancewithSriniPillay,

M.D.,HarvardMedicalSchoolAssistantClinicalProfessorofPsychiatryandCEO,Neurobusiness

Group.Withthehelpofhisexpertise,wewillbedevelopingproductsandservicestoadvanceour

abilitytoshapeourneuralnetworkstobemoreadaptabletochangeandtoenablepeopletoactively

shiftintomorepositivemindsets.

HeartMath: Also, we have formed an alliance with Bruce Cryer and the HeartMath Institute. Additionally,anumberofourCreatingWEInstitutecolleagueshavebeencertifiedtobeHeartMath One-on-OneProviders.Eachoneofusbelievesinthepowerofthehearttocreatecoherence,andwe

knowfrom15yearsofresearchattheHeartMathInstitutethatthemorewecanmoveourselvesinto

coherenceindividuallyandcollectively,themorewecangainclarityofthinkingandhealthofour

minds,hearts,bodiesandspirits.

LiminalGroup:Forthepastfiveyearswe'veworkedwithScudderFowlerandtheLiminalGroupto

bringourkeynotestoleadersaroundtheUnitedStates.Thisyearwe'vecreatedtheActor'sStudio,a

seriesofin-depthinterviewsthatwewillbeconductingwithincredibleleadersandneuroscientists

whoarechangingthefaceofbusinessandwhoseideaswewanttogetouttolargeraudiences.

GlobalPlatinumGroup: For the pastfive years we've worked with a powerful diagnostic and assessmenttoolbasedonauniqueandpowerfulplatform.Wehavebeenworkingwiththistool,and withtheGlobalPlatinumGrouptocreateamorepowerfulprocessforleaderstounderstandhowto collectivelyandaccuratelydeterminehowto focusenergyoncustomers,employees,leadersand

culturalissues.Thepredictivenatureofthistoolisastounding,anditspowertocreatealignmentisin

aclassofitsown.

ClientSummits:Wearecontinuallyseekingnewalliances,partnerships,researchopportunitiesand clients who want to learn more about Creating WE ideas, technologies, practices and how to acceleratesuccessfulcollaborationinsideandoutsideoftheirorganizations.We'vegottenrequeststo bring our summitsinto clientorganizationsso peoplecanlearntogether abouthowto bemore 'humantogether'andcanworktoshapetheirworkplacestobecomeinnovationenginesandgreat placestowork.

However,allofthisisjustthebeginning.Wearelearningtodeepenourconversationsandexpand

ourinterestsinlisteningtopeoplefromallwalksoflifeandfromaroundtheglobe.Thereisso

muchtolearn,andtoshare.Wearehereforthejourneyandwelcomeyouaboard!

Intro

Introduction

"Where the Art of Engagement and the Spirit of Innovation Build Collective Wisdom in the Workplace."

TheCreating WEInstituteis aninternational cadreof critical thinkers,consultants,coaches and scientists with multi-disciplinary expertise, who have come together to harvest new forms of engagementandinnovationintheworkplaceandintheworld.

We believe thatWE are all connected.Through a WE-centric rather than a traditional I-centric approach,ourcollectivewisdomgrowsandevolves,creatingstrongersolutionsandmutualrespect fortheuniquecontributionsofothers.

We-centricthinkingcanchangetheverynatureofleadership,culture,brands,businessesandother organizations anditallstartswithconversation.

YouareinvitedtoexploreanddialoguewithTheCreatingWeInstitute.Wehopeyouwillcontactus

totalkabouthowwecanengagewithyouandyourorganization,leadersandemployees,tohelp

changehowconversationstakeplaceatwork.FindouthowthepowerofCreatingWEischanging

howleaderslead,andhowitcanchangethetenorandcontextofyourorganizationalculture,now

andforyearstocome.

The Creating WE Institute is engaged in ongoing research, exploring the dynamics of thought leadership,andhowleadersemerge,engageandevolve.

ThemembershipoftheInstituteiscomposedofauniqueamalgamofcriticalthinkers,consultants

andotherpractitionersengagedinpursuitsrangingfrompureresearchtoactiveapplicationofthe

latesttechniques,insightsandtechnologiestochangeoutcomes.

As an adjunct to our research, and on a contractual basis, The Creating WE Institute accepts engagementsandprovidesservicesandproductsto clientswho areinterestedinexpanding their organizations'capacityforsuccess,growthanddevelopmentfromI-centrictoWE-centricthinking.

OurservicesreflectarangeofcollectiveInstituteexpertiseatthevanguardofchange.Weworkwith clientsonengagementsthatfocusonexecutive,team,andorganizationalcoachingandconsulting.We utilize several products and various assessments thatare customized to determine and meetour clients'emergingneeds.Wewelcomeconversations,inquiries,questionsanddialoguesonanyandall

ofthethemesandprinciplesofferedin'42RulesforCreatingWE.'

SectionI

ShatterOld

Paradigms

Rule1:RulesareMeanttoBeBroken

Rule2:ThereIsNoQuidProQuoinWE

Rule3:BeSelfishtoBecomeSelfless

Rule4:LiveinYourHeart'sZone

Rule1

RulesareMeanttoBeBroken

MichelleBoos-Stone

TocreateWE,wecan'tsimplyfocusonourexistingrulesanddemandothersfollowthem.

Mostofushavebeenbroughtupbyrules:TheGoldenRule,TheTenCommandments,andgeneral

'RulestoLiveBy.'Rulesaresuchaningrainedpartofourcultureandoureverydaythinkingthatthey

havebecomealmostinvisibletoourveryowneyes.

Somerulesarecreatedforthebettermentofmankind,andgiveusasharedframeworkforsuccess:

"Treatothersasyouwouldwantthemtotreatyou,"and"Sharewhatyouhavewithothers."Other

rulesaremadetocreatecompliancetostrictguidelines;suchasthelawsourcountriesaregoverned

by,whichultimatelyareintendedtoavoidchaosandanarchy.

Rulesexistineveryaspectofourlives,whethertheyareassumed,written,ormadeup,andeveryday

weliveourlivesbytheserules.Yetsometimes,whenwefeelsostronglyaboutourownrulesthey

canbindustofightforourviews,andblindustotheviewsofothers.

Somerulesaremeanttobebroken,especiallywhenitcomestoCreatingWE--sowewillexplore

newpossibilitiestogetherandcreateruleswebothembracewithpassionandenthusiasm.

TocreateatruesenseofWEit'simportantforusto:

Committothinkingdifferentlyaboutrules!

Createandnurtureenvironmentsthatfosterrulebreaking,notjustrulefollowing.

Givepeoplepermissiontotakerisksandmakemistakes.

Foster'possibilitythinking'over'rulefollowing.'

Bewillingtoletgoof(orre-examine)ruleswe'veself-created.

Theruleswe'makeup'areoftentheonesmeanttobebroken.Togrowourselvesandothers,consider shiftingfromdemandingrulestoexploringpossibilities.Possibilitiesallowustostretchourown thinking andincorporateothers'bestideasinunimaginablenewways.Theyencourageusto ask deeperquestionsthatleadustodeepersharedinsightsandwisdom.

Possibilitythinkingasksustoimagine:

Whathaven'twethoughtofyet?

Howthinkingdifferentlyallowsustocreatesomethingbetteranddifferent?

Ifweshiftthewaywedothis,couldourapproachbegame-changing?

Whathappensifwe/Idon'tchangeandthingsstaythesame?

Whichkeystakeholdershaveavestedinterestinthingsbeingdifferent?

Whatcouldthefuturelooklikeifwecouldhaveitexactlyaswewantedit?

Wecan'tgettoWEwhenweareonlyfocusedontherulesthatmustbefollowed.Insteadwemust focusonwhatcouldbeandharnessourcollectiveintelligencebybreakingoldmentalmodelsandto think andactdifferentlytocreateoutrageouspossibilities!

andharnessourcollectiveintelligencebybreakingoldmentalmodelsandto think andactdifferentlytocreateoutrageouspossibilities!

Rule2

ThereIsNoQuidProQuoinWE

Toomanypeoplewaitforotherstogofirst.

BudBilanich

WEisbuiltonrelationships;theideathatweareallconnected,andthatthroughaWE-centric,rather thanatraditionalI-centricapproach,ourcollectivewisdomgrowsandevolves.Thiskindofthinking createsstronger organizationsandsocieties.Itfostersmutualrespectfor theuniquecontribution everypersoniscapableofmaking.Solid,lasting,mutually-beneficialrelationshipsareatthecoreof WE.Givingwithnoexpectationofreturnisagreatwaytocreatethesetypesofrelationships.

However,weliveinaquidproquoworld:youdoformeandI'lldoforyou.Whilethereisnothing

wronginreciprocatingagooddeedorafavor,thereisafundamentalproblemwithquidproquo.It

isreactivenotproactive.Toomanypeoplewaitforotherstogofirst.Theyadopttheattitude,"When

andifyoudoforme,I'lldoforyou."ThisscarcitymentalityisnotconducivetocreatingWE.When

youcomefromascarcitymentality,youfocusonholdingontowhatyoualreadyhave;thiscan

preventyoufromreceivingwhatyoumightpossiblyget.

Ontheotherhand,givingwithnoexpectationofreturncomesfromaproactiveabundancementality.

Whenyougivewithnoexpectationofreturn,youareacknowledgingtheabundanceoftheuniverse.

Youaredemonstratingfaiththatthegoodyoudowillbenefitothersclosetoyouandtheworldat

large--andthatgoodthingswillcomebacktoyou.

Givingwithnoexpectationofreturnisironic.IhavefoundthatthemoreIgive,themoreIreceive,

andoftenfromunlikelysources.Butthat'snotmyreasonforgiving--andIhopeitisnotyours.The

bestreasonforgivingisthebasicjoyofmakingadifferenceinotherpeople'slivesandincreatinga

WE-centricworld.

IlovetheLibertyMutualInsurance'responsibility'ads.Theyareaveryvisualdemonstrationofthe ideasbehindcreating WE--especiallygiving withno expectationofreturn.You'veprobablyseen them.Theybeginwithsomeonegoingalittleoutoftheirwaytodosomethingthatbenefitsothers; pickingupapieceoftrash,oropeningadoorforanotherpersonwhosehandsarefull.Another personobservesthisandgoesoutoftheirwayforsomeoneelse.Thecyclerepeatsseveraltimes duringthead.Themessageisclear.Weareallbetteroffwhenwehelpeachother.

GivingwithoutexpectationofreturnnotonlyhelpsyoucreateaWE-centricculture,ithelpsyou

buildstrongpartnerships.LifeandSuccessCoachLarryAgrestoisaWE-centricguy.Hesays,"Truly

successfulpeoplenevercompete,theynetworkandleveragetheirrelationshipsbyprovidingvalue

andgivingmorethantheyreceive."

Intheend,givingwithnoexpectationofreturncomesdowntoyourmentality--scarcityorabundance.

Ifyoucomefromascarcitymentality,youwilllivebyquidproquo,andperpetuatetheI-centric

statusquo.Ifyoucomefromanabundancementality,youwillgivewithnoexpectationofreturnand

begintocreateaWE-centricworld.

IchooseabundanceandtotakeanactivepartincreatingaWE-centricparadigminmycircleof

influence.IagreewithWinstonChurchillwhooncesaid,"Wemakealivingbywhatweget,wemake

alifebywhatwegive."Whenyougivewithnoexpectationofreturnyouwillgetagoodlife.You'll

alsogetabetterworld;oneinwhichwealllookoutforoneanother.

Rule3

BeSelfishtoBecomeSelfless

NancyRing

SelflessleadersbuildastrongWEbyfirstbeingselfishenoughtoensuretheyareaneffectiveI.

Selfish.Therearefewthingswecouldsayaboutaleaderthatwouldbemoredamning.Yetwithout

beingselfishenoughtodowhatweneedtobeeffective,wecannotbecomeselfless.

Likeitornot,weallhaveneedsandbecomestressedwhentheyarenotmet.Thisreactivestress

behaviorrendersusineffective,therebyunderminingthepowerofWE.

Let'staketheleadershipteamofXYZTechnologies,forexample.Sixofitsleaderswouldflyinfrom

allovertheUSandEuropetotheirmonthlyteammeetingsrightoutsideofLondon.Becausetheir

timeandtravelwereexpensive,theypackedinasmuchworkaspossibleintotwodays.

Theyworkedthroughlunch,andoftenthroughdinneraswell.Thenitwasa9:00nightcapinthe

hotel'sbar,afewhoursofemail,andmaybefourhoursofsleepbeforestartingthenextday.Yet

despiteallthisfocusonactivity,theyneverseemedtogetenoughdone."Howisitthatthemorewe

do,themorethereistodo?Ifwedelegateonemorethingournextlevelmanagerswillrevolt!"

Sofocusedonbeingselfless,thisteamwasnotgettingitsneedsmet.Sittingonplanesandinmeetings ignored their high need to be physically active.Their stress reaction was to create unnecessary activityandbusy-nessfor themselvesandothers--effectivelyundermining their abilityto actually accomplishtheirgoals.

Thesolution?Theteamtookachanceandbecame'selfish.'Theyshortenedtheirmeetingtimes,and

structuredbreaksintotheiragendasoeveryonecouldleavetheroomandgoforawalk.Inaddition,

theymadesuretheteammembershadanopportunitytomovearoundthemeetingroomratherthan

stayingseatedallday.Asanaddedbonus,theyalsocommittedtoexercisingbeforeorafterwork.

Byproductivelychanneling their physicalenergyinto exercise,theteamwasableto thinkmore clearly,andtoorganizetheiractivitiestogether.Inaclearerstateofmind,theystoppedmakingup additionalprojectsforthemselvesandothersthatdidnotaddvalue.Theyrealizedthatbydoingless, theyaccomplishedmore--allmadepossiblebybeingselfish--thatis,theytookthetimetorecognize andattendtotheirownneeds.

Howaboutyou?

Do you know what you need to be effective in your life? Do you know how much time and informationyouneedtomakesounddecisionsandbuildthatintoyourworkplan?Or,doyouforce yourselftodecidequicklywithoutallthedatayouneed,stressout,andmakemoreworkforeveryone bychangingthedecision,orforcingtheineffectivedecisiontowork?

Perhapsyoufindthattoomanymeetingswithtoomanypeopleleaveyoucrankyandimpatient?By

'selfishly'schedulingenoughtimeeverydaytorechargeonyourown,youcouldbemoreaselfless

meetingparticipant,onewhoisbetterabletoparticipateintheprocessratherthanobstructit.

Beingselflesslyselfishcangoevenfurther.Haveyoufoundthatyouarebetterabletobeobjective andfocusonthefactsafteryou'vehadachancetoexpressyourfeelings?Ifso,beselfish.Finda trustedcolleaguewhocanlistenempatheticallyandhelpyouclear emotionsthatmaycloudyour thinking.

Selfishleaders--thosewhopayattentiontotheirownneeds--enableotherstodothesame.Oncewe takecareofourownneeds,webecomemoreopentolistenandpayattentiontoothers--webecome selfless.Selflessleadershavelearnedtorecognizewhentheirresponsesarereactionstostressand whichunmetneedsarethecause.Inthesesituations,theyknowwhatmeasurestotaketohavethese needsmetandensuretheyarequicklyacteduponso theycanreturnto working effectivelywith others.

SelflessleadersbuildastrongWEbyfirstbeingselfishenoughtoensuretheyareaneffectiveI.

Rule4

LiveinYourHeart'sZone

BruceCryer,JudithE.

Glaser,andNancyRing

Actually,ittookrecognizingmyownjudgmentsandemotionsasthetruesourceofmystress

thatchanged--evensaved--mylife.

Negativeemotionscanplayapowerfulroleinourrelationshipswithothers.It'spossibletorewire

ourmental,emotionalandphysicalreac-tions--youjustneedtoknowhow.

Now,severalyearsdowntheline,JacklooksbackonhisexperiencewithTomandrealizesthatit

changedhislife--forthebetter.

Tom and Jack, both part of Chemco's decentralized IT function, lobbied hard to gather their colleaguesintoasingledepartment.AftertheCEOappointedthemco-leadersofthenewgroup,word wasoutonthestreet:"Doomedtofail.Theseguysarelikeoilandwater!"

"Andtheywereright,"remembersJack.Tomwasknownforhislaser-likeintellect,hiswarmwit,and

atemperthatcutpeopleoffattheirknees.

"EveryonethoughtIwasthecool,detached,calmone,"Jackcontinues."LittledidtheyknowIwas

seethingbeneaththeveneer.Tom'sunpredictablemoodsleftmeexhaustedandIwasconvincedhis

explosionswouldbringusdown.Actually,ittookrecognizingmyownjudgmentsandemotionsas

thetruesourceofmystressthatchanged--evensaved--mylife."

HowdidJackcometosuchamajorrevelation?Heliterallyhadachangeofheart.

HeartMath'seighteenyearsofscientificresearchhaveshownthatourheartshavetheabilitytocalm ourfight-or-flightreactionstostress,therebyallowingourbrains,hearts,andbodilyfunctionsto synchronizenaturally.OnceJackbeganusing HeartMath'ssimplefive-stepprocessofdetaching, breathinginaten-secondrhythm,connectingtopositivefeelings,openingtonewpossibilities,and anchoringhisnewperspectives,hebeganrewiringhismental,emotional,andphysicalreactionsto Tom--andtoallthepotentialstressorsinhislife.

Here'showoneoftheHeartMath(r)keytechniquesworks:

First,takeabreak--evenmomentarily--anddetachyourselffromthesituation.Theirresearchshows that freezing and disengaging from our emotional reactions interrupts the process whereby the brain'samygdalaconnectsthecurrentexperiencetomemoriesofsimilarevents,andtriggersaseries

of1,400biochemicalreactionsthatstimulateourfight-or-flightresponse.Interruptingthisprocess

savesusfromarushofthestresshormonecortisol,whichhasbeenlinkedtoalonglistofmaladies

includingsleeplessness,ulcers,andheartdisease.

Second,focusyourattentionontheareaaroundyourheart.Imaginebreathingthroughyourheart:

inhaleto thecountoffive,andexhalefor another fiveseconds.Thissimplebreathing technique bringstheheart--yourmostpowerfulorgan--intosync(orcoherence)withtherestofyourbody. Coherencethentriggersfeelingsofwell-beinginthebrain,whichcanaccuratelybesenttotherestof yoursystemtoalleviateanxietyandothernegativereactions.

Thethirdstepistoconnectwithpositivefeelingsbyrecallingexperiencesthateasilyandreliably

makeyoufeelgood.Fanningthosesincerefeelingsenablesyouramygdalatomatchyourcurrent

experiencewithapositiveemotionalresponse,therebyopeningyourbraintocreative,innovative,

andhelpfulwaystohandlewhat'sbeforeyou.

Fourth,askyourself(andperhapsothersinvolved)whatother perspectivesor approacheswould alleviatestressnow,andinthefuture.Nowthatstressisnolongerblockingyourowncreativityand internal wisdom, you will be amazed at the brighter possibilities that appear. This stress-free objectivityenablesyoutoseethewisdominothers'ideasaswell.

Fifth,spendsometime--asmuchaspossible--reflectingontheshiftsyou'vemadeandanchoring

themintonewwaysofthinking,feeling,andacting.Thiswillenableyoutoexpandyourlearning

beyondyourcurrentexperience.

"It'sthislaststepthatenabledmetoreaplessonsfromreframingmyreactionstoTomandtranslate

themintoothercircumstancesandrelationships,"Jackreports."Iwouldneverhavebeenabletotake

onHRandFinancewithoutthesetechniques,"headds.

Like many other successful leaders, Jack experienced howchanging our approach to stress can changeourlives.

SectionII

Acknowledgethe'I'

Insidethe'WE'

Rule5:Thereisan'I'inTeam

Rule6:Speakfromthe'I'--Listenfromthe'WE'

Rule7:BecomeaCreatingWELeader

Rule8:SeektoMineforValue

Rule9:TakeYourSeatattheTableandUseIt!

Rule5

Thereisan'I'inTeam

JerryManas

The'I's'intheteamwerenowallowedtoshineintheirownterms,whichresultedinakinder

workenvironment,amoreproductivestaff,moresatisfiedcustomersandatrueWEspirit.

InanefforttocreateaWEatmosphere,someleaderstrytohaveeveryonemovetogetherasifthey're

inachaingang,allclonesofoneanothermovinginthesamedirection.Instead,wemustcelebratethe

diversityonourteams,andleveragethedifferentstrengthspeoplehave.There'satimeforindividual

achievementandatimeforconvergenceasateam.Weneedtogiveequalattentiontoboth.

Iwascalledintooneorganizationtohelpthemcreateaprocessandstructureforadepartmentthat

supportedandmaintainedfinancialsystems."We'rehavingproblemswithonepersoninparticular,"

thedirector,Patty,toldme."Maxjustseemstomarchtohisownagenda.He'sgreatatwhathedoes,

andisprobablyourbestperson,buthe'snotgoodatcommunicatingwithourclients.""Howcanwe

turnhimaround?"sheasked.

Myimmediatereactionwas,"Whyonearthwouldyouwanttoturnhimaroundifhe'syour best employee?"ItwasapparentthattheyhadspentquiteabitoftimetryingtoturnMaxintoa'customer servicerep'insteadofthetechnicianthathewasandabrilliantoneatthat.

Theywerefrustratedandsowashe.IwasremindedoftheRobertHeinleinquote:Nevertrytoteacha

pigtosing.Itwastesyourtimeandannoysthepig.

Thisisexactlywhattheyweretryingtodo--teachthepigtosing.Isuggestedthattheystopwasting

energytryingto'turnaround'Max,butthattheyshouldinsteadletMaxdowhathedoesbest,andpair

himwithsomeonewhoexcelsatcustomerservice.Itjustsohappenedthattherewassomeoneelsein

thedepartmentwhowasextremelycustomer-oriented,andcouldfitquitewellasaliaisonbetween

Maxandthecustomers.WhenPattysuggestedthatthispersonmaynothavetime,Iwasabletofind

severalthingsonthatperson'splatethatweremuchbettersuitedforsomeoneelseinthegroup.

Managementwroteoffanotherpersonontheteamasaslacker,andasitturnedout,thispersonwasn't

aslackeratall.Hewasjustapatheticbecausehewasn'tengagedandwasn'toperatinginhisareaof

strength.Hewasananalyst,whopreferredheads-downdetailedlogicalwork.Yethewasbeingasked

tofacilitateandleadprojects--abadfitifIeversawone.Assoonashewasgiventhepropersupport

andappropriateworkforhisstrengths,hegrewlessapatheticandatleastgaveagoodday'seffort.

Onebyone,weassessedwherepeoplewereplayingtotheirstrengths,andwheretheyweren't.Aftera

fewweeksofgettingafeelforpeople'sstrengths,adjustingtheirrolesaccordingly,andinvolving

themincreatingprocessesthathelpedinsteadofhindered,thedepartmentbegantooperatemuch

morecohesively.

WhenIfirstarrived,theclientcomplainedabouthavingtoomany'heroes,'dysfunctionamongthe

team,andjustplainpoorperformers.TheclientfelttheylackedtheingredientstobecomeaWE-

centricteam.Yettheseso-calledbarrierswerejustsymptoms--amiragehidingtherealproblem.This

isoftenthecasewhenpeoplearemisalignedornotallowedtolettheirindividualityshine.

There'smuchtalkaboutthedangerof'heroes,'yetgreatachievementshaveoftenbeenaresultof

heroiceffortsonthepartofafewpeople,andsometimesevenoneperson.It'soneoftheworld's

biggestmythsaboutteamworkthatthere'sno'I'inTeam.Infactthereisan'I'inTeam;therearemany

'I's,eachwiththeirownstrengthsandpreferences.Andthefasterwerecognizethat,thefasterwe'll

succeedatcreatingWE.

Inthecaseofmyclient,the'I's'intheteamwerenowallowedtoshineintheirownterms,which

resultedinakinderworkenvironment,amoreproductivestaff,moresatisfiedcustomersandatrue

WEspirit.

Rule6

Speakfromthe'I'--Listen

fromthe'WE'

JudithE.Glaser

Difficultconversationsarechallenging,yetwhenone'I'meetsanother'I'incandorandcaring,

theyformaperfectWE.

Difficultconversationsanddisagreementscanbechallenging.Whenweareatoddswithotherswe

oftenfeelcompetitive,asthoughweareinawin/losesituation.Beingonoppositesidesofanissue

withsomeonecanleadustofeellikeweareinconflictwiththem,whichcancauseustofeellikewe

arefoesandnotfriends.

Oncewelabelsomeoneafoe,wetendtotreatthemasafoe,andoftenfallintopatternsofbehavior

thatcontinuouslypushthemaway.Bychangingalabelfromfoetofriend,weactivateawholenewset

ofpatternsofinteractionthatmoveustowardratherthanawayfromthem.Thewaytomovesomeone

fromfoetofriendistospeakfromthe'I'andlistenfromthe'WE.'

IimplementedthisstrategyafewyearsagowhenIwasintroducedtoanewcolleague.Whenwemet

weimmediatelyhititoff.Wehadsimilarbusinessinterests,whichseemedtopullustowardeach

other.Consequently,wedecidedtoworkonprojectstogetherandattempttoformapartnership.

Wedevelopedideasandcreatedplanstogoafterbusinesstogether.Iintroducedhertomanyofmy

clientsandsheintroducedmetosomeofhers.Bothofusputalotofenergyintotheprocess,so

muchsothatwewereredirectingenergyawayfromourownindividualwork,ontothisnew'dream'

webothsharedofcreatingsomethingbiggerthaneachofuscoulddoalone.

Ifoundmyselfstartingtokeeptrackandscoreof'mygivingandmygettingback.'Partmeofknew

thiswasn'tahealthypractice,butatthetime,Iwasgraspingforamoreconcreteunderstandingof

howourpartnershipwasplayingout.OnceIrealizedIwasthe'timeinvestorwithnoreturn,'Igot

angryanddidsomethingthatwasneitherhelpfulforherorme--Ikeptmyfeelingstomyself.

Insteadofairingmyfrustrationandissuesbyspeakingfromthe'I'andlisteningfromthe'WE,'I simply pretended that everything was okay.In the meantime, Iwas ranting and complaining to everyoneelse.Iwasafraidtoconfrontmycolleagueoutofthefearthatdoingsowouldruinour friendship.Withouteven being aware of it, my misdirected complaints transformed me into the enemy.

Ieventuallydecidedtocallupmycolleagueandaskherforsometimeforustotalk.Ratherthan

projectmyangeronher,Idecidedtosharemyemotionsinanewway:byspeakingfromthe'I'and

listeningfromthe'WE.'

"Ihavebeenupsetoverourbusinesspartnership.IstartedtokeepscoreonhowmuchtimeIinvested,

andfeltIwasthegiverandyouwerenot.Ididn'tsharethiswithyououtoffearthatitwouldruinour

relationship,butthemoretimeIinvestedtheangrierIgot.WehaveagreatdreamandIwanttowork

outourrulesofagreementsowecancontinuetocreatesomethingbiggerthaneitherofuscould

createalone."

Fromthisnewperspective,Irealizedthat:

createalone." Fromthisnewperspective,Irealizedthat:

Bykeepingscoreandnotmakingmyfeelingstransparent,Ihadmadebothofusenemies. ReleasingemotionsthatweregettinginthewayofCreatingWE,enabledanewfriendshipto emerge. When speaking to someone with whom you need to 'work out issues,' speak from your authentic'I.' Oneshouldsharefeelingsinacandid,notjudgmental,way. Itisimportanttobecaringandopenbutnotblameful.

Difficultconversationsarechallenging,yetwhenone'I'meetsanother'I'incandorandcaring,they

formaperfectWE.Whenweareabletostepintoeachother'sshoesandappreciatetheworldfrom

eachother'sperspective--seekingtoconnect--everythingchanges.

Rule7

BecomeaCreatingWELeader

CindyTortorici

Maximizetheindividual,createacommunityofpeople,anddefinethepurpose.

Ifwelookbacktothebeginningoftime,weseethesamehumanneedsemergeoverandoveragain:

tobeeffective,leadersneedtoknowthemselves--what'senergizing,andwhat'sdraining,andthey needto knowwhatturnsothersonandoffaswell.Mostimportantly,theyneedto knowhowto awakenthiswisdominthemselvesandothers.Withoutself-awareness,leaderscannotlead.

BecomingaWE-centricleader isnotsomethingwedoovernight.For manyofus,it'salifelong quest.Yetalltoo often,weshortchangethejourneyanddefineleadershipas'aprocessand/or a tacticalapplicationofprinciples.'Whenyou'Google'theterm'leadership,'you'llfindcharts,lists, andcomplextheoriesthatpromiseto'transform'theteam,andallowitto'soar'toahigherlevel.

You'll also find websites designed to help leaders manage the performance review process or performanceproblems,protectingtheorganizationfromlitigationandhumanresourceissues.And whiletheseobjectivesallhavetheirplace,theyarenotthebasisoftrueleadership.

Inour challenging andunpredictableglobalenvironment,thetruthisthatweareviscerallymost attractedtoleaderswhoareself-reflectiveabouttheirleadership,andwhoinspirethissamereflection inothers.

Whenwelookbackatleadershipwiththelensofcutting-edgesustain-ability,weseethatthebestof thebestfocusnotontheprocessesandthetactics,butonhelpingpeoplebringtheirwholepersonto work.Through this process of self-exploration, they learn howto maximize the greatness each personbringstotheirlifeandtheirjob.

WE-centricLeadership TheEssentialandVitalThree

Thebigquestion,ofcourse,ishowdoyoutakeonsomethingthatisdefinedsoclearlyandsimply,

yetisobviouslyquitedifficulttoachieve?Whenoneofthekeyelementsinthatdefinitionisoutof

alignment,theleaderislesseffective.Herearethethreemostimportantinsightsthatleadersneedto

focuson,inordertobeWE-centricleaders.

MaximizetheIndividual

Leadershiporiginateswiththeindividual.Themostsuccessfulbusinessesrecognizethateveryperson

inthecompanycanbealeader.Themostsustainablepracticestodayfocusonhoweachperson's

uniquecapabilitiescombinewiththeirpassionsandvalues.Thebestpracticesaskthequestion,"What

iseachindividual's'patternofsuccess'thatinfluences(leads)theteamtoachievethesharedpurpose

orvision?"Clarifyingandcelebratingthatcontributionisavitalstepindevelopinggreatleaderswho

canreliablyachievesustainablesuccess.

CreateaCommunityofPeople

Latestneuroscienceresearchdemonstratesthathumanbeingsaresocialbeings.Morethananything

weneedandwanttobeconnectedtoothers.Weseekmeaningfulconnectionswithothers;wecrave

belongingandinclusion.Beingrejectedisaspainful--somesaymorepainful--thandeath.Yet,even

whensurroundedbypeopleallday,manyofusfeelcutofffromthecommunity.Why?Beyond

simpleinteractionswithothers,wewantstrong,humanrelationshipswiththosewhoseideas,actions

andvisionmatchoursoropposeoursinastimulatingandconstructiveway.

DefinethePurpose

Leadership today--and, one could argue, every day--is about establishing trust, internally and externallyaroundacommonpurpose.Thisprocessbeginsatthehighestlevelsinour worldand flowsintoourorganizationsandourrelationships.Thenpurposeflowsthrougheachindividualinto theteamandmovesoutwardtoenvelopourclientswithquietauthority.Creatingasharedpurposeis essentialandvitaltoeveryorganization'ssuccess.

WE-centricleadershipintwelvewordsor less:Maximizetheindividual,create a communityof people,anddefinethepurpose.Simpleyetsopowerful!

Rule8

SeektoMineforValue

DaleKramerCohen

Whenweseektomineforvalue,weendowmeaningtomembersbeyondmerelytheirfunction,

andweinspirethemtocontributetheirfullpotential

Whenweenterameetingroomfilledwithcolleaguesweoftenthinkabouthowwewillbeperceived.

WillJoeinthecornerthinkI'msmartenough?WillDebradismissmyideasagain?WillBillassume

heknowsmyopinionandinterrupt?

Whatif,instead,wethoughtaboutthevalueJoe,Debra,andBillcouldeachbringtotheprojectand

thencollaboratedtoachieveourgoals?

Intoday's24/7/365world,webarelyhaveaminuteto think,letalonereflect.Meetingsconvene, agendasarepresentedandwejumpin.Whileweknowwehavetoconsidereachperson'srole,dowe reallymakethetime?Oristhistheareaweshortchangewithoutevenrealizingit,andthenwatchthe precipitousdeclineintheorganicgrowthofthesecriticalrelationships?

Toensureeachindividual'svalueandstrengthisaccessed,andoptimized,theWE-centricleadermust

continuouslystrivetominethegiftsandpotentialcontributionsofeachteammember.

TakeLuisa,forexample,ExecutiveDirectorofanon-profitorganizationwhohadasmart,eager staffdedicatedto thecause.Shewaspassionate,brilliant,anddeterminedto seetheorganization flourish. She had great vision and drive. She was also efficient and officious and drove her overworkedteamrigidly.Whileshewasachievinghersuccess,her'I'-centricapproachwouldnever bringforththebestfromeachteammember,rather,itposedtounderminetheteam'sfuturesuccess.

HowWEEngage

Imaginethebenefittothebusinessifshetookthetimetorecognizethefresh,fearlessvantagethatthe

newphilosophy-major-analystbroughttothetableorthenewleadershipskillsthattheITDirector

hadacquiredfromhervolunteerBoardpositionoutsideofwork.Inbeingsodeterminedtodevelop

theorganization,Luisahadforgottenabouttheverypeoplewhohelpedbuiltitandthetalentsthey

possessed.

Forcinghertotakethetimetostepbackandclearly'see'theindividualsinherteam,andnotjusttheir

titles,wasthefirststep.Impersonalcommandssuchas,"OhweneedITtodothis,"or,"Marketing

Team,youdothat,"neededtobemodifiedtoaddressindividuals,likeherself,whowantedtobe

valuedandappreciatedaspartoftheWE.Thatmeantmappingeachpersonandidentifyingtheirvalue

totheteamforcurrentandfuturegoals.

WhenLuisaconsciouslyconsideredeachperson'svaluebeforehernextbigmeeting,shewasstunned

athowsuchsimplegroundworkcouldreapfundamentalbenefits.Sherecognizedthatinorder to createaWE,itisincumbentoneachleadertoseekandmineeachteammember'sstrengthsandvalue andunleashthemtopropeltheteamintounparalleledterrainandsuccess.

Somesimplestepstomineforteam-membervalueare:

Somesimplestepstomineforteam-membervalueare: Justasyouprepareforameeting,taketimetoconsider who

Justasyouprepareforameeting,taketimetoconsiderwhoispartoftheWE.

Makealistofeachindividualandwhatyouseeastheirstrengthsandvalue.

Meetwiththeseindividualsandseewhattheyperceiveastheirstrengthsandvaluetotheteam.

Mapneededvalueandconsiderwhereeachindividual'svaluewouldbegreatest.

Consciouslyprovideeachteammemberspecificopportunitiestodemonstratetheirprowessin

thatarea.

CreateWEandconsider:

-DidIhelpeachpersontaketheirvasttalenttocontributeoptimally?

-DidIhelpeachpersonclimbtotheirbest,inthemeeting/withinthisinitiative?

-DidIleveragethisperson'sstrengthsbyanticipatingtheirabilitytoservethegoalbasedontheir

competence,confidence,andcapabilities?

Eachofuswantstobevalued--byourpeers,ourboss,ourteammembers,andourorganization. Whenweseektomineforvalue,WEendowmeaningtoeachmemberbeyondmerelytheirfunction, andweinspirethemto contributetheir fullpotentialto theteamandentireor-ganization--thisis transformational!

Rule9

TakeYourSeatatthe

TableandUseIt!

CindyTortorici

TeamsthatCreateWEdependonyourperspectiveandexperience.ToCreateWE,youneedto

makethemostofyourseatbycontributingwithconfidence.

Manypeopletaketheirroleontheteamforgranted.Weoftendon'trealizethateverythingwedowill

haveanimpact.Ifweshowupwithonlyhalfaheart,orhalfourattentiontothemattersathand,we

willbeshortchangingtheteamaswellasourselves.

Withabitofcouragethiscanshiftdramatically.Courage?Yes,courage.Ittakescouragetotakeyour

'full'seatatthetable.Why?Becausewearecommittingtobringoutourideas,andthinking--evenif

othersatfirstdisagree.Wemaygetpushbackorresponseswemaynothaveexpected,yetthisispart

ofthejourneywewillneedtotaketogettothetop.

Itcanbeuncomfortabletomakeachangeinthewaywecontributetotheteam.Buttherealityis,as we progress in our careers, we must evolve and grow because we are ultimately expected to contributeatahigherleveltothestrategicteamandtoachievingresults.Thismeanssteppingupand intoarolethathasimpact.Thismeansshowingupwithconfidenceandusingourexperiencetomake adifference.Ittakessomepracticetochangethewaywebehave.Herearesomeideastohelpyoutake yourseatanduseit!

ThinkBIG

Mostmeetingsaretacticalinnaturebuthaveaninherentopportunitytocreatepositivechangeand/or

momentum.MaximizeyourseatbythinkingBIG!Takeeachgrouptoahigherlevelbyprovidingan

atmosphereforalltoflourish.AskBIGquestionsthatcausepeopletothinkWEtogether.

Forexample:

Whatdoessuccesslooklike?

Howcanwedescribeournextgreatestaccomplishmentasateam?

Howcanwechallengeeachothertothinkbiggerthanwe'veeverthoughtbefore?

Thinkinacriticalandstrategicmannertoprovidevision,purposeandaroadmaptoachieveyour

goalsandtheorganization'sgoals.

GetOutside

Bringnewperspectivetoyourorganizationbyparticipatingoutsidethecompanyinaneutralnetwork

ofpeersandmentors.Itiseasytobecomeabsorbedinthecompanycultureandloseperspective.

Often,thismayleadtoalossofconfidencetotestnewideas.Takerisksandbesuretoconfrontthe

fearoffailure.

Aneutralnetworkofpeersandmentorsprovidescontextonthebroaderworldview,whichleadsto

offeringandmakingbettersuggestionsanddecisions.Seekoutopportunitiestoconnectwithothers

whowillhelpyoucreatemindspaceforinnovativeideasandstrategies.

Forinstance,joinanonprofitorforprofitboard,volunteerforanorganizationwhosemissionyou

arepassionateabout;takeacookingclass,participateinToastmasters.Findthetimeandparticipate!

Thenbringyournewperspectivesbacktosharewithothersinsideyouror-ganization--soyouexpand

theWE-centricthinkingwhereyouwork.

CommunicatewithPurpose

Somepeopletalktoomuch,andwhentheydotheirmostimportantmessageorideamaygetlost.

Somepeopledon'tcommunicateenoughandlosetheopportunitytoleadandinfluence,andworse

yet,canbecomeinvisible.BothoftheseexamplesaredangeroustoaWE-centricteam.Beprepared

forthemeetingandclearonwhatyouwanttoachievebeforeyougettheresoyoucanbesuretoget

yourideasheard.Thinkbeforeyouspeakbutalwaysspeak!

Atanygivenboardroomtablethereareperhaps12seats.Youmustmakeyourcontributioncount!

TeamsthatCreateWEdependonyourperspectiveandexperience.ToCreateWE,youneedtomake

themostofyourseatbycontributingwithconfidence.

SectionIII

UnderstandWhat

MovesPeople

Rule10:CreateaVirtualWaterCooler

Rule11:LivingtheBrandCreatesWE

Rule12:HarnessCollectiveWisdom

Rule13:Respondwith"Yes!"

Rule14:SometimesThinkingSmallHasBigPayoffs

Rule15:BeConsciouslyContagious

Rule10

CreateaVirtualWaterCooler

JerryManas

Itwasanewwaytocommunicate,andmuchmoreefficient.Inmanycases,itnegatedtheneed

formeetings.

Increasingly,organizationsmustadapttopeopleworkingoffsite,fromhome,orinremotelocations.

Whatwelosewiththisisthe'watercooler'effect,thesimplecamaraderieandinformationsharing

whichhappensatthewatercooler,foundinasharedcommonarea.Toremedythis,it'simportantto

understandhowtoolssuchassocialnetworks,blogs,andvirtualworldscanbeleveragedtominimize

thesegaps.Properlyused,thesetoolscanboostafeelingofteamworkandraiseproductivity.

Let'stakeBobforexample.Bobworksfromhomemostofthetimeasasoftwaredeveloper.Heis

oneofhiscompany'smostproductiveandvaluedemployees,doingmostofhisworkinthecomfort

ofhisownhome,withoutthecommutetimeandtheinterruptionstypicalofmostworkplaces.Yet

whenhefirststartedworkingfromhome,hesawtherewasalsoadownsidetoit.Hefelt'outoftouch'

anddisconnectedfromotherpeople.Hehadtroublereachingpeopleonthephoneifheneededto,

whetheritwaswaitingtohearfromacustomerforfeedbackonaprototype,orneedingtohearfrom

anothertechnicalpersoninordertocompleteacertainfunction.Healsomissedtheidlechatthathe

usedtohaveintheofficetoaddlevitytotheday.

Thensomeofhiscolleaguesbegantalking aboutsocialmediatools,suchasTwitter,Facebook, BlogsandWikis.Tostartwith,hesetupaFacebookprofile,andjoinedaFacebookgroupthatmany ofhisteammatesweremembersof.

The group was set up specifically for Information Technology people in his company.To his surprise,henoticedfromtheirprofilesthatanumberofhiscolleaguessharedmanyofhisinterests notonlywork-related,butmusic,books,movies,andsportsaswell.

And,bywayoftheirstatusupdates,hewasabletoseewhattheywereuptoduringthecourseofthe

day.Hewouldcommentoccasionallyontheirupdates,andtheywouldcommentonhis.Inafunny

sortofway,hebegantofeelmoreconnectedtothem.Allofasudden,thesecolleagues,somehalfway

acrosstheworld,becamehisfriends.Hebeganfeelingmorecomfortableaskingthemquestions,and

hisrelationshipwiththembecamemorecollaborative.

Then,Bobbeganexperimentingwithothertools.Hesubscribedtoonecolleague'sblogtostayin

touchwithwhatthelatesttrendswereinthatperson'sareaofexpertise.Andhefoundthatbyusing

Twitterhecouldexchangebriefmessagesaboutspecificprojectswithanynumberofpeopleinthe

company,includingclients,teammates,andmanagers.Anyonewhowantedtobe'intheknow'onthe

projectwouldsimplysubscribetotheappropriatefeed,gettingupdatesviaemailordirectlytotheir

cellphonesiftheychose.Andanyoneontheteamcouldcontributetothefeedaswell.Itwasanew

waytocommunicate,andmuchmoreefficient.Inmanycases,itnegatedtheneedformeetings.

All too often in companies, we don't find time to communicate, even when we are co-located. Relationshipstendtobebuiltmoreinhallways,inthelunchroom,oratthewatercooler.Whether we'reco-locatedorworkingvirtually,wecanboostthiswatercoolereffectbycreatingonlinespaces forpeopletobuildrelationshipsandcommunicate.Someorganizationsfearthatpeoplewillabuse this,andspendalltheir timegossiping.Thosewhohaveleveragedthesetoolsknowbetter.They knowthatthebenefitsfaroutweightherisks.

CreatingWEisallaboutcommunication.Andsocialmediatoolscanboostcommunicationtoan

unprecedentedlevel,whatwecancallourCQor'CommunicationQuotient.'Thismeanswork-related

communicationandrelationshipbuilding,whichisequallyimportantfortrue,lastingproductivity.

Rule11

LivingtheBrandCreatesWE

BrianPenry

FocusoncreatingWEaroundthemostpowerfulfeatureofyourorganization:onethattruly

exemplifiesyourbrand--whiledifferentiatinganddistinguishingitamongallothers.

Missionorvaluestatementsareintendedtoinstillsharedsetsofbeliefsthroughoutanorganizational

culture,yettheyareoftenignored.Whilethisisduetoseveralreasons,itisoftenbecausetheylack

relevanceorpassion.

Ourauthenticsenseofself,andinturn,oursenseof'WE,'generatesfrombeingpartof,andgivingto

somethingbigger--ratherthanfromfollowingtheseeminglyarbitraryguidelinesandintentionsof

officialstatements.Hereisaunique,simple,andhighlyeffectiveapproachtocreatingacultureof

WE.Bysettingabrandidentity-drivencommongoalthroughoutalllevelsofyourorganization,you

canachievesuccessthatisanythingbut'common.'

FocusoncreatingWEaroundthesingular,mostpowerfulfeatureofyourbusinessororganization:

theonethattrulyexemplifiesyour brandidentity.Intheprocess,youmayfind,assomeof the followingbrandshaveandtheiroutstandingsuccessesattest,thatbrandidentitiescanbeincredibly effectivevehicles,notonlyforengagingpeoplethroughoutyourorganization,butforsparkingtheir individualpassionaswell.

Ratherthantheobviousaspectsofyourbrandidentity(ID),suchasitslogo,etc.,ourfocusisinstead onitsessence:thatone,outstanding featurewithwhichitismostreadilyassociat-ed--andwhich differentiatesanddistinguishesyourbrandIDamongallothers.

Forexample,thecentralfeatureofSouthwestAirlines'brandIDisbeingthelow-costairline.For Disney,itiscreatinghappinessforpeopleofallages,everywhere.ForAppleanditsbrandfamilyof 'i' products,itisbeing aleading technologyinnovator.Byassociating suchsimple,overarching themeswiththeirbrandidentities,theseandotherorganizationshelpdrivedecisionsthroughoutall levelsoftheirenterprise,inwaysmorepowerfulthananymissionorvaluestatementevercould.The formulaissimple:

BrandIdentity+1CompellingFeature=

AnIdealDriverforCreatingaCultureofWE

Whenassociatedwithyour mostcompellingfeature,your brandIDcanbetheultimatedriver of behaviorswithinyourorganization--inturn,drivingitscultureandsuccess.

Belonging,InfluencingandReflectingOurEssence:AbrandID-drivencultureofWEnotonly giveseachindividualinyourorganizationapowerfulsenseofbelongingandpurposebeyondtheir jobdescription,itgivesthemdirectinfluenceonyour brandidentity--apositive,ifnotcathartic,

process.

Fromactinginthebeliefthattheyaremakingarealdifference(andtheyare)toideatingwaysof improving performance,evenusing themostinformalsettingsasopportunities--everything your peopledoorsayreflectsonyourbrand.Italwaysdid,ofcourse.However,giventhiscontext,the wordsandactionsofeverymemberofyourorganizationcanhaveanevenmoreprofoundinfluence onhowothersperceiveit.

Case in Point: In addition to the potential of a brand ID-driven culture of WE within your organization,considertheevengreater,externalpossibilities,asexemplifiedbySkype--bestknown forfree,peer-to-peer,Internettelecommunications.

Withearningsofonly$11million,Skype's$2.6billionsaletoeBaywasdrivenbysomethingmuch

greater than its earnings potential: its customers.Representing even greater promise by almost doubling sincethesale,thisexternal,brandID-drivencultureofWEisnowalmost100million strong.

Yet,itsimpressivegrowthstillisn'twhyitwas,andcontinuestobe,sohighlyvalued:itisbecauseits membersareadvocates.TheynotonlycontinuallyprovetheirworthbytellingothersaboutSkype brandproductsandservices;theyrepresenttheabilitytodoevenmoreforadditionalbrands.Most importantly, they do it through the Inter-net--the fastest growing multiplier of brand ID-driven culturesofWE.

Rule12

HarnessCollectiveWisdom

JerryManas

Thereseemstobesomeunspoken"don'task,don'ttell"mentalitywhenitcomestopeople's backgrounds. This is a shame, because we're missing tremendous opportunities to harness collectivewisdom.

Howwelldoyouknowthepeopleonyourteam?Doesonepersonseemchattywhileanotherseems aloof?Doesonedrivehardto"justgetitdone"whileanotherwantstoexamineallthevariablesfirst? Does one seem overly sensitive while another seems cold and methodical? Does anyone seem resentfulthatthey'renotbeingconsultedmore?Finally,haveyouthoughtaboutwhythesepeopleact thatway,orbetteryethowtoleveragethesedifferences?

Ateamismadeupofindividuals,andeachpersonbringstothetabletheirpersonalwisdomincluding their cultural upbringing, their ethnicity,their genetic code,their social experiences,their home experiences, their past work experiences, and even their age and gender.These variables work collectivelytomakeeachofusunique.Whichfactorstakepriorityisanyone'sguess.Wearelike snowflakes;notwoalike.Peoplealsobringawholerepertoireofknowledgeandskills,manyof whichareneverevenrevealedorleveraged.Thereseemstobesomeunspoken"don'task,don'ttell" mentalitywhenitcomestopeople'sbackgrounds.Thisisashame,becausewe'remissingtremendous opportunitiestoharnesscollectivewisdom.

Whilewemustbecarefulaboutstereotyping,themorewecanlearnabouttheculturesinvolvedon our team, the age or gender-influenced possibilities, and each individual's background and preferences,thebetterwe'llunderstandandbeabletoleveragethepeoplethatmakeupourteam. Equippedwiththisknowledge,wecanassemblepowerfulcombinationsforsub-teams,makebetter staffingdecisions,andcircumventnegativeconflict.

Therearenumerousstudieshighlightingthedifferencesamongcultures.Forinstance,Latincultures

tendtobemorecommunityandrelationship-driven,whiletheU.S.,England,andGermanytendtobe

morerule-orientedandgoal-focused.Regardinggender,brainstudiesseemtosupportthetheorythat

womentendtothinkmoresystematicallyandrelationship-oriented,whilementendtothinkmore

systematicallyandgoal-oriented.

Ofcourse,withanyofthese,therearealwaysexceptions,soit'sprudenttouseanygeneralizationasa

startingpoint(asopposedtostereotyping,whichdrawsconclusionsasanendingpoint).Inother

wordsit'sapossibilitythatcertainactionsorhabitscouldbegenderorculturerelated,andwe'dbe

shortsightedtonotconsiderthisatall.

Toavoidanypossibilityofstereotypingorlabeling,theDisneyInstitute,thetrainingarmofTheWalt Disney Company, suggests assessing people as to whether they are relationships-driven, results-

driven,orboth(inwhichcasetheycanadapttoeitherroleasneeded).Thelessonisthatateammust becomprisedofbothrolesinsomecombinationandatdifferenttimesinorder tobesuccessful. Neitherroleisconsidered'wrong.'

Asfor harnessing theknowledgeonour team,I'veseensomeorganizationsimplement'resume- sharing'sessions,sothatteammatescangettoknoweachotherandbuildrespectforeachother's backgrounds.Thisalsoallowspeopletobettertaponeanother'sknowledgeandskills.Alltoooften, peopleareunderutilizedinorganizationssimplybecausenobodytookthetimetolearnabouttheir backgrounds,orworseprematurelylabeledthem.

Insteadoflabelingpeople,orjudgingthembasedsolelyonwhatweperceive,weneedtotakethe timetodigdeepertogettoknowtheirbackgroundsandtheirinfluences.Wejustmightfindthatthe 'baggage'theybringcontainsgold.Inessence,byunderstandingandbetter leveragingthe'I's,we exponentiallyincreasethevalueofWE.

Rule13

Respondwith"Yes!"

LouisevanRhyn

Thissimpleimprovisationexerciseremindsusofthevalueofacceptingandbuildingonoffers,

ratherthanblockingthem.

Ashumanbeings,wearetunedintohowpeoplerespond.WhenIamwithmycolleagues,Icannot

stopmyselffrombeingacutelyawareofhowtheyrespondtowhatIsayanddo.Whenothersrespond

positivelytomysuggestions,Iamenergized.Whentheyresponddismissively,Iamdrained.

Whenlearningtheskillofimprovisationalacting,participantsplayagamecalled"Yes,and "Inthis game,peopletellastoryinpairs.Thetwopeopletellthestorysentencebysentence.Eachperson respondstotheotherperson'ssentence.Eachacceptswhathasbeengiventothem,andbuildsonthis idea.Inthisgameyousay,"Yes"towhateverisofferedtoyou.Ifyourpartnerstartsthestoryby saying,Let'sgotoParis,youstartyourresponsewithYes,and

Whenplayingthisgame,Iamalwaysstruckbytheenergyandcreativitythatemergeswhenpeople

sharethisexperienceofacceptance.However,Ihavealsonoticedhowdifficultitseemstobetosay

"yes-but.""No"and"Yes-but"blockthestoryandtheother person's

Yes,and

contribution.

andnot"no"or

Awhileago,IaskedmycolleagueSheilatoplay:

Me:"Let'sgotoParis."

Sheila:"Yes,andwecouldgouptheEiffelTower."

Me:"Yes,andwecanbuyabottleofchampagneatthetop."

Sheila:"No,thatwouldbetooexpensive!"

Eventhoughthiswasagameandweweretellingastory,Sheilastillfounditimpossibletoacceptmy

suggestion.Manyyearsofschoolinginbeingcautiousandcarefulhadmadeitsecondnaturefor

Sheilatorespondwith"No"ratherthan"Yes."

Whenpartnersaccepteachother'soffersandcontinuetobuildonthem,theenergyispalpable.They

can'tstopthemselvesfromlaughingoutloudastheirstorytakesonalifeofitsown.

Thissimpleimprovisationexerciseremindsusofthevalueofaccepting andbuilding onoffers, ratherthanblockingthem.A"Yes"liftsourspiritsandenablesustogoon,totakechances,tobebold andcourageous.Itinspires,energizes,invitescollaborationandinstillstrust."No"or"Yes-but"sucks theairoutofthesceneandleavesuswithnowheretogo.

While"No"isasmalltwoletterword,itsmeaningandimpactisgigantic.Wedon'tjusthear"No."We

hear"No,thatwasastupididea"or"No,youarenotgoodenough"or"No,whatidiotwouldthink

thatwouldwork?"A"No"or"Yes-but"shutsdownthechancesfornewpossibilities,diminishesthe

questforrisk-taking,andlockspeopleintoamindsetoflimitations.

Inmyexperience,peoplesay"No"or"Yes-but"becausetheyareafraidofwherea"Yes"maylead. Saying"Yes"bringsunpredictability.Itisdifficulttocontrolaninteractionwhere"Yes"becomesthe defaultresponse(asthosewhohaveplayed"Yes,and "gameswilltestify).Saying"Yes"requires courageandawillingnesstoletgoofnotionsofcontrol.

A"Yes"isinextricablylinkedwithasenseofpossibility.BenjaminZander,conductoroftheBoston

PhilharmonicOrchestraandco-authorofthebook'TheArtofPossibility,'pointsoutthat"human

beingshaveshiningeyesinthepresenceofpossibility--itisapsychologicalfact."

"Yes"responsesfromourcolleaguesenableustothinkmorecreativelyandbemoreinnovative.In

groupswherepeopleconsciouslychooseanappreciativeorientation,membersreport,"Ifeelsafe

andsupportedandthisenablesmetobemorecreativeinmythinking."

Respondingwith"Yes"givesamessageofvalueandrecognitiontothepersonwhowascourageous

enoughtoofferasuggestion.Each"Yes"containswithinitmanysubtlemeta-messagesofacceptance,

value,andawillingnesstogoontogether,toreachthestars.

Trythis:Respondwith"Yes"andnoticetheshiningeyesofthepeoplearoundyou!

Rule14

SometimesThinking

SmallHasBigPayoffs

JerryManas

Oncewedecidedtobreaktheoverallteamintosub-teams,andthen,wherethesub-teamswere

toobig,breakthemintosub-teams,ourmomentumandourmoraleincreased.

Whentryingtoachievemajorinitiativeswithlargegroupsofpeople,weoftenrunintooneofthree

problemsandsometimesallthree.First,there'softenanaccountabilityproblem.It'stheoldadage,"If

everyoneisaccountable,nobodyisaccountable."Sothingsjustdon'tgetdone.Second,wedescend

intoanalysisparalysisasteamsattempttoreachconsensus.Thendecisionsgetdelayedforextended

periodsandmomentumislost.Thethirdsideeffectoflargeteamsisthatweloseengagement,as

somepeoplefeellessinvolvedthanothers.It'shardtoinvolveeveryoneinalargeteamsoalotof

peoplebecomedisengaged,orworse,angry.That'snowaytocreateaWE-centricenvironment.

Manysuccessfulorganizationsaddresstheseissuesbybreakingteamsintosmallsub-teams.Having small teams promotes distributed accountability, results in faster decision-making, and boosts engagement.Isthereaspecificrelationshipofteamsizetooverallperformance?Isthereacertain sizethatworksbest?Muchdependsonthenatureofthework.

Thegeneralthinkingisthattwoisnotenoughdiversityand/orcanleadtoastalemate.Fourcanlead totakingsides.Threeisarguable.Inonesensethere'sadequatediversitywiththreepeople,andit's easier to reachamajority.It'salso easyto maintainfrequentcommunication.Yetsomeevidence showsthattheremaynotbeenoughcriticalmasstokeepmomentumgoing.

Anumberofstudieshaveconcludedthatateamoffivetoninepeopleisideal,andthatlargeteams

shouldbebrokenintosub-teamsofthatsize.Onestudyevenconcludedthatsixisthemagicnumber.

Butgenerally,itdependsonthenatureoftheteamanditsgoal,andthelengthoftheeffort.I'vehad

successwiththreepeopleonmanysmallerefforts.

Here'sanexampleofteamsizeinaction.Ionceservedonthecoreleadershipteamfora400-person,

two-year,global,all-volunteer programto createtwo newinternationalstandardsfor theProject ManagementInstitute(PMI).Forthefirstsixmonths,thesix-personcoreteamspenttimeplanningthe initiativeandconductingpreliminaryresearchviawebforums.Weopeneduptheforumsfor the team-at-largetocontributetheir opinionsoncertaintopics,butingeneral,westillhadn'tthought about,orcommunicated,whatweweregoingtodowiththelargeinfluxofpeople.

Wesentoutamonthlynoticetoeveryone,butthatwasn'tenough.Thegreatmajorityofpeoplefelt

liketheywerejust"alongfortheride"butnotmakinganymeaningfulcontribution.Worse,theyfelt

likenothingwashappeningandthatitwasarunawayprogramwithnobodymindingthemint.The

oppositewastrue,ofcourse.Thecoreteamwasmeetingweeklyandhadbeenactivelyengagedbut

theydidn'tknowthat.Somedisengaged.Somedroppedout.Somebegancausingtroublebyvisibly

complaining.

Weknewwehadtodothingsdifferently,andfast.Weassembledastructureofmultiplesub-teams,

forediting,scheduling,quality,design,andsoon.Whenteamswereadequatelystaffed,wecreated

additionalrolesfortherest,including'researchers'and'reviewers,'evenbreakingthesegroupsinto

sub-teams.WealsoappointedaCommunicationLead,alongwithasub-teamtopublisharegular

newsletter,withupdatesonteamhappeningsandmilestonestatus.

Oncewedecidedtobreaktheoverallteamintosub-teams,andthen,wherethesub-teamsweretoo big, break them into sub-teams, our momentum and our morale increased. Boosting the communicationhelpedaswell.Wecompletedthestandardsinrecordtime,meetingtheaggressive two-yearplanwhennoPMIstandardhadeverbeenproducedinlessthanthreeyears.Thiswasa classicexampleofthepowerofsub-teamsworkingtowardacollectivewhole.

WhenweneedtocreateaWEspiritacrossalargegroup,weneedtothinkintermsofsmallsub-

teams,generally5-9people.Thiskeepspeopleaccountable,decisive,andengaged.

Rule15

BeConsciously

Contagious

NancyRing

Ifwecancatcha"badmoodvirus,"wecantransmitonetoo.Or,wecanradiatea"greatmood

virus."Thechoiceisours.

Howmanytimeshaveyouhadthisexperience?You'reabouttositdown,andknowimmediate-ly--

withoutevenlookingatthem--thatyoudonotwanttoengagewiththepersonnexttoyou.Maybe

you'reonaplane,ridingthesubway,orabouttoeatinacrowdedrestaurant--andsuddenlyyou'rejust

certainthatconversingwiththispersonwouldnotbeapositiveexperience.Howdoyouknowthat?

Howdoyouknowthataperfectstrangerisinalousymoodbeforeyouevenmeetthem?

Quantumphysiciststellusthatwehumansareinconstantcommunicationwiththerestoftheuniverse.

Weallareradiatorsandreceptorsofenergy--energywhichwereceiveinformationabouttheworld

aroundus.Ourbodiesarecontinuouslyreadingthisinformation--whetherweknowitconsciouslyor

not.Physicistshavealsodiscoveredthatthisenergycanbefeltfromasfarawayastenfeet.

Thatstrangerisradiatingenergy,whichourbodyreceivesandtranslatesintoinformationthatwe

factorintoourdecisiontostrikeupaconversation,orinthiscase,toavoidit.Maybeweevenchange

ourseat--forweintuitivelyknowthatifwearenotcareful,wemightcatchthatstranger'sbadmood

asifitwereavirus.Neuroscientistshaveconfirmedthisintuitionwithstudiesthatshowthatthemore

openwearetotheenergyofothers,themorelikelywearetocatchtheirvirus-likemoods.

Ifwecancatcha"badmoodvirus,"wecantransmitonetoo.Or,wecanradiatea"greatmoodvirus."

Thechoiceisours.

Startingtothinkabitdifferentlyaboutemotionsbychance?Foratthispointwerealizethatbeingina goodmoodisnotmerelyselfish,itisalsoapublicservice.Wouldyourcurrentmoodhelporhinder

yourteam'sprogressinyour11:00meeting?Wouldyouwanttositnexttoyourselfonthebus?

Withjustafewconsciouspracticesweallcanbecomeradiatorsofgoodvibesathome,atwork,and

everywherewego.Tobecomeanemotionalpublicservant:

Monitoryouremotionsonaregularbasisduringtheday.

Feelwhateveremotionsarepresentforyourightnowwithoutanyjudgmentwhatsoever,andlabel

them.Joy,peace,anger--justlabelyouremotionswithoutjudgingorfeedingthem.Thenaskyourself

whetheryourcurrentvibeisservingyouinsomepositiveway.Ifso,proceednofurther.

Releaseemotionsthatnolongerserveyou.

Once you've felt emotions that aren't serving you, you can release them using the following technique.Firstrealizethatwhenyoujudgeyourownemotions,ormakethembiggerthanlife,the hardertheyaretorelease.Simplyholdtheintentiontorelease--orletgooftheemotionwhileyou takeafewdeepbreaths,allowingeachexhalationtowashtheemotionaway.Feelaroundtheinsideof thepalmofyourhandtofindtheacupressurepointthatalsocanhelpyourelease,andholditgently. Formostofus,it'sinourdominanthand.Practicethisineasiersituationsfirstthenmovetoharder ones,likewhenyougivingaspeechorinthemidstofadifficultconversation.

Raiseyourvibesoyouaresomeoneyou'dwanttobearound.

Onceyou'reinthatneutralemotionalspace,raisingyourvibecanbeassimpleasthinkingabout

somethingthatliftsyouhigherandbreathingintotheemotiontomakeitbigger.Soonyou'refeeling

itacrossyourentirechest,andthenyourentirebody.Atthatpoint,simplyenvisionyourselfradiating

thatgoodvibe,andenjoy.

SectionIV

FosterIntegrity,

CandorandCaring

SectionIV FosterIntegrity, CandorandCaring Rule16: TheTorchofIntegrity Rule17: TellItLikeItIs Rule18: WalkinTheirShoes

Rule16:TheTorchofIntegrity

Rule17:TellItLikeItIs

Rule18:WalkinTheirShoes

Rule19:RespecttheViewsofYourAdversary

Rule20:ForgiveandNotForget

Rule21:ActinaMannerThatHonorsYourselfandYourAssociates

Rule22:SpeakYourVulnerableTruth

Rule23:PracticePresence

Rule16

TheTorchofIntegrity

DeborahE.Garand

Everythingweareandeverythingwebecomeisfromasinglebeacon--TheTorchofIntegrity.

Ashumans,weareundauntedseekersoftruth,love,andwisdom.Weareinacontinuoussearchfor howwecanlivethisthingwecalllifehappilyandwithpurpose.The'I'inusdevelopsourrealmof values--integrity provides the language.Butwhatis integrity? Whatdoes itmean and why is it important?

Webster'sDictionarydefinesintegrityas"soundness,anuncompromising adherenceto acodeof valuesandprinciples."Everythingweareandeverythingwebecomeisfromasinglebeacon--the Torchof Integrity.Itcannotbebought,soldor measuredbyanyamountof money.Integrityis strivingtothinkandactthroughself-respect,self-restraint,innerstrength,honorandcourage.Itis beingdrivenbytheconsiderationandregardforothersaswellasyourself.Integrityasksyouto reachhigher--doinggoodoverfeelinggood.

Integrityisthepremiseonwhichwebuildourlife.Wealladmire,respectandseekoutotherswho

mirror our ideas of strong character.Why? Inherently, we wantto trustthe words, actions and intentionsofoneanother.Integrityspeakstoourethicalfiberandoursenseofwhatisright.Whenwe

exemplifyrespect,virtue,honesty,excellenceandmanyotherhonorablequalitieswithinourselves--

wearebuildingtrust.Trustallowsustodevelopstrong,honest,andauthenticrelationships.

Integritychallengesustomakesacrificesandtodotherightthingevenwhendoingsomayprevent

usfrommaterialgainorjeopardizeourcareers.

David,aseniorexecutiveworkingforamajordeveloper,wasconfrontedwithjustsuchasituation.

Hehadbeenaskedtooverseeanexternalauditforoneoftheirnegotiatedprojects.Shortlyintothe

project,thePresidentcalledDavidintohisofficeandpassedhimalettertopresenttotheauditors.

AsDavidwalkeddownthehall,hescannedtheletter andrealizedthePresidentwasdenying the existenceofcertaindocuments.DavidknewtheyexistedandheknewthePresidentknewthisaswell. ThiswasDavid'sdefiningmoment:torisklosinghisjobbyhonoringhimselfandthetruth,orto becomecomplicitinthedeceit.HeturnedaroundandwalkedbackintothePresident'sofficeandsaid, "Don,youknowIamdedicatedtohelpingyoubuildastrongercorporationbutdonoteverimpute myintegrity.Wehavetheserecords--youknowitandIknowit.Weshouldalwaysbeinfrontofthe bus--notunderit."

Thetorchofintegrityisnoble,authenticandhumble;thelightofintegrityisbrightandstrong,

raisinghumanspirittoitshighestelevation.Davidspoketruthtopowerandbyexample,encouraged

thePresidenttorethinkhisownmotivations,ethicsandstandardsofleadershipforthecompany.

Integrityisa'WE-centric'expressionofourhighestselves.Ifweallstrivetoseekahigherelevation

imaginewhatourworldcanlooklike!Weeachcastapowerfulshadowthatimpactseverysoulwe

meetthroughouttheday.

Atacommencementspeech,SteveJobsfromAppleComputersaid,"Wealldiesomedayandfacing

thatrealitychangedmylife."Heaskshimselfeverymorning,ifhediedtomorrowwouldhebeproud

ofhowhelived?

Intheend,wewillberememberedforwhoweare,whatwestoodfor,howwestoodforit,andwhom

wetouchedalongtheway.

Rule17

TellItLikeItIs

Leadingwithtrustinvitestrust

DeborahE.Garand

Thebestwaytofindoutifyoucantrustsomebodyistotrustthem.--ErnestHemingway

Youhaveheardthesaying--"Youmaynotagreewithhim/herbutatleastyouknowwheretheystand."

Wehaveprobablyencounteredmanypeoplelikethis.Theseareindividualswhoaren'tafraidtotell

youwhattheythinkorfeel.Theyarehappytoengageinamutualinteractivedialoguethatincludes

healthy,respectfulpushbackondissentingpoints.

Everythingisupfront.Theyaredirect,honestandtransparent,freeofanypretenseordeceit.They harness the power of being secure with themselves and hold themselves accountable for their thoughtsandactionswithaclearunderstandingoftheirvaluesandprinciples.Theyleadwithacalm innerconfidenceandself-trust.Leadingwithtrustinvitestrust.Soundseasy,right?Wrong.

Transparencyisscaryformanyofus,notbecauseweareintentionallydoingsomethingwrongbut

becausewearehighlysusceptibletosocialacceptance,judgment,criticism,andfearofretribution.

Topreventusfrombecomingvulnerable,ourbrainscommandustoprotectanddefendourselvesby

havingamentalityof"Thelesstheyknowthebetter."

Thisprotectiveself-focuscansabotageour bestintentions.Wemaycreateanatmosphereofde- fensivenessandbuilddistrustfulterritorialsilos.Insteadwemusthavethecouragetotearwallsdown and institute new behaviors that generate trust, cohesiveness, connectedness, and ownership. A paradigmshifttoward'WE'centricthinkingexpandsour capacitytoextendourselvesopenlyand honestlythroughtheclearlensoftransparency.Ittakesgutsandcourageto'letgo'ofoldthinkingbut thepayoffishuge.

Bendiscoveredthispayoff.AsCEOofahighlysuccessfulsalescompany,Benwaspositionedto

doublehisbusinessin2009.Prettygoodconsideringoureconomiccondition!Havingworkedwith

Ben for months as his executive coach, Ben and I developed a WE-centric, transparent and comprehensivestrategy.Benwasexcitedyetnervous.Transparencyscaredhim.Ontopofthis,his project managers, though loyal and hard-working, had become solo warriors and were not communicatingwitheachother.

Ben was closing a lot of deals, running fast, overseeing every aspect of the business, but not communicating fully.EachPMknewwhattheyweredoing butfeltdisconnectedfromthewhole. Protectionism,dissension,andlowmoralebegantosettlein.Bencouldn'ttakehiscompanytothe nextlevelwithoutchanginghisleadershipandmanagementapproach.

Co-creatingConversations(r)

The company meeting was based upon co-creation and transparency. Leading with trust, we uncoveredwhatwasworkingandwhatwasnotworking.Theteambuiltastructuredmanagement modeltomeetnewdemandsandtohirenewpeople.Asyoumovethroughaprocessofco-creation withothers,thinkaboutusingthesesteps--topavethewayforsuccess:

Openconversationswithrespectfor others'opinions--withoutmaking someonewrong for holdingadifferentpointofview. Ask'whatif'and'helpmeunderstandyourperspective'questions. Identifytheexistingsituation/challenges. Definethegoalsanddesiredoutcomes. Agree as a team on best practices for communicating, handling conflict, and continuing innovationconversations. Shareandinvitedifferingopinions--validatenewwaysofthinking. Discoveranddefinetrust,accountability,andbuildyourcultureonintegrity.

Bytheendoftheday,wehadcatalyzed,energizedandbuiltapowerfulnewteam.Bencalledmethree

weekslaterandtoldmetheywererightontargetandwasthrilledathowproductive,cohesive,and

innovativehisteamhadbecome.

Whenthereisno'perceived'hiddenagenda--whenwhatyouseeiswhatyouget--thereistrust.With

trustthereisease,acomfort.

Leadingwithtrustinvitestrust.Betransparent,speakwithcandorandtrustyourselfenoughtoinvite

othersin.Youwillfinditproductive,profitable,uplifting,energizing,andawholelotmorefun!

Rule18

WalkinTheirShoes

Beforespeaking,trytowalkintheirshoes.

DeborahE.Garand

Bringingtruthandpowertogetherthroughunderstandingrequiresanenormousamountofcourage;

itisalsooneofthegreatestattributesin'CreatingWE.'

Often,wespeakandleadconversationsthroughourlensandassumptionsandfailtorecognizeor even consider other's viewpoints.Examining both perspectives affords respectful and interactive dialogue.Wemustthereforestrivetoseekunderstanding,andwecandothisbytryingtowalkinthe shoesofanother.

NormanSchwarzkopfoncesaid,"Thetruthofthematteristhatyoualwaysknowtherightthingto

do.Thehardpartisdoingit."Ononeoftheworstdaysofmyprofessionalcareer,Ilearnedthis

statementtobetruerthanIeverrealized.

Manyyearsago,Iwasoverseeingamulti-milliondollarprojectforaprestigiousorganization.A

teammeetinghadbeeninsessionfor20minutesastheSr.VicePresidentwalkedin.Helistenedfora

whileandthentomyhorror,Iwatchedashebegantoverballyattackthreeofmycolleagues.

Ashisrageescalated,tearsstreameddowntwoofthewomen'sfaces.Helambastedthemforstupidity,

whereandhowtheylivedandforbeing'lowerclass.'Iwasinshock.Ididn'tknowwhattodoorhow

todiffusethesituation.Hisragewasverbal,butitsimpactwasphysical--thewomenwereshaking.

Twoofthewomenaskediftheycouldleavefortheday.

Iwasfurious.ThiswasmyteamandasfarasIwasconcerned--noonedeservedtobetreatedthatway.

AsIwasabouttogointohisofficeand"lethimhaveit,"IrecognizedthatIneededtocoolofffirstor

riskthepossibilityoflosingmyjob.

Ineededtoclear myheadandfindawaytoseebeyondhisactionstounderstandwhatdrovehis actions.Theonlywaytodothiswastotryand"walkinhisshoes."Thiswasnosmallchallenge.

Knowingthatabusivebulliesgenerallytryandexertcontroloverothersbecauseofinsecurity,alack

ofinternalstrengthandaneedtofeelpowerful,Ibegantoformulateaplan.Anhourlater,mybest

attemptforarespectfulapproachledwiththisquestion:

"Judd,I'msorrytobotheryou.Iwashopingyoumighthelpmeunderstandwhyyourespondedthe

wayyoudidinthemeeting?"

Frustrated,hesaid,"Ittakesthemforevertoanswermyquestions,theycowerandstutterandthenthey

fumblewiththeirpaperwork."

Itriedtoempathizewithhisfrustration.

Thencamemymomentoftruth.

I helped Judd "walk in their shoes" so he could understand how his behavior was creating breakdowns,distrust,fear,lackofproductivityandjeopardizingthedeadlineoftheproject.Iwas fascinatedwithhisresponse.Hesaid,"Icanseetheimpactofmyactionsandwillworkwithyouon this,buttheotherwomenareweakandIdon'trespectweak.YouarenotafraidsoIrespectyou."His responsesignaledimportantinitialprogressbutwestillhadalongwaytogo.Self-awarenessisthe first,mostimportantsteptopersonaltransformation.Withoutthis,nochangecantakeplace.

Walkingintheotherperson'sshoescanbefrightening,intimidatinganddaunting.Wehavethechoice

toturnablindeye,remainquiet,maskourfeelingsandunknowingly,becomeenmeshedinlivinga

lieorfindthecourageandpowertoconnectwithothersdeeplythroughunderstandingtheirpointof

view.Wehavethepowertoinfluenceoutcomesbyhowwechoosetorespond.Throughexercising

ourabilitytowalkinothersshoes,wemoveclosertowardtheultimategoalof'CreatingWE.'

Rule19

RespecttheViewsofYourAdversary

WhitakerRaymondand

JudithE.Glaser

Ifwelearntorefrainfromtryingtochangeothersortoimposeourtruthsonothers,something

positiveandamazinghappens.

Sometimesweenduphavingtoworkwithpeoplewejustdon'tgetalongwith.Weareputonprojects

orjoininitiativesandwediscoverconflictseverywhere.Sometimeswedon'tevenknowwhatexactly

theconflictsareallabout,wejustknowwedon'tlikeworkingwiththeperson.Othertimesit'sreally

clear--wedisagreeabouthowaprojectistoberun,whoisresponsibleforwhat,andatadeeper

level,wedisagreeaboutbasicvalueslikerespect,authenticityandtrust.

For example, two peer managers were both asked to work in a project targeted to provide outplacementservicestopeopleabouttobelaidoff.Bothmanagerswereassignedthetask;noone had clear authority over the other.In essence both had equal voice.One manager passionately advocatedforhighqualityoutplacementservicestoeveryonethroughtheirtransition,whiletheother adamantlyinsistedonprovidingminimalservicestoonlyafewseniormanagers.

Thefirstmanagerhadplacedstrongvaluesontheimportanceofrespectforallemployees,whilethe

othermanagervaluedkeepingcostsandfinancialexposuretoaminimum.Formanymeetingsthey

debatedandargueduntiltheirbossmadethedecisionforthem.

Doesthiskindofadversarialsituationsoundfamiliar?

Whenwefeelweareright,andareentrenchedinourownpositions,weoftenfindfaultorweakness

intheother'sposition.Implicitlyorexplicitly,rightorwrong,thiswin-losestrugglebecomesarally

inwhicheachpartyprotectshis/herown'I.'Pepperedintheirlanguagearethewords,'I','me','my',

'you'or,ininstancesofadversarialgroups,theterms'we','you'and'they.'

Thetrap:Insituationslikethese,peoplebecomeadversarial--theydigintheirheelsandtakeastand onwhattheybelieve.Theyadoptstrongpositionsasastrategytofightfortheirownvaluesorbeliefs. Inmostcases,astheexchangeevolves,neither personisarguingagainstfacts;theyare,instead, tryinghardertoinfluencetheotherperson'sbeliefsandvalues,whichareoftenindependentoffacts.

Theheartofthematteristhatwhenweareentrenchedinourpositionswelackagenuinerespectfor

theotherperson'sperspective.Welabeltheother'side'asanenemy:wrong,bad,crazy,outoftheir

minds,andsomeonetobeat.Weassumewearerightandknowthetruthandweassumetheyare

wrongsowetrytopersuade,convince,imposeorinfluencetheotherpersontoyieldand/oradopt

ourposition.

The opportunity: Rather than getting pulled into battling for our positions, we can turn to

thoughtful,non-reaction,non-adversarialstrategiesthatyieldtremendousvalueandbenefitintimes

ofconflict.Centraltothesestrategiesisa'WE-centric'mindsetinwhichweacknowledgethatwhile

wemaydisagreeonmanythings,weareoftensimilarinsomanyotherrespects.

FromaWE-centricmindset--weneedtoseektoconnectandfindcommongroundratherthanseekto

makeotherswrong.

Start fromcommonground- Example:Firstreach agreementon howquality and cost- effectivenessimpactthecompany'shealth. - Example:Firstreach agreementon howquality and cost- effectivenessimpactthecompany'shealth.

Ask questions to learn what connects you to others - Example:"Whatdo you see as importantincomingupwithaplan?Thenaskmorequestionstolearnwhattheyarethinking - Example:"Whatdo you see as importantincomingupwithaplan?Thenaskmorequestionstolearnwhattheyarethinking drawthemout." Respectthebeliefsofothersandseektofindoutwhattheyvalueandwhy-Example:

Highlightwhattheotherpersonsaysisimportant,andthenfocusonwhataspectsyouendorse

andexplainwhy.

Inthisspirit,weareopentorecognizethatourneighborsmayhaveinterestsincommonthatwecan agreeupon.Ifwerevisitourtwomanagerswhoappearedonthesurfacetodisagreeonastrategyfor givingoutplacementtotheirpeers,usingourapproachwesuggesteachmanageraskquestionsto learnwhatisimportantto their ap-proach--whatliesbehindtheir positionsandwhytheyfeelso stronglyaboutthem.

Bydoingthis,wemayrecognizethattheothers'intentions,likeours,maybetocreateabetterfuture,

yetwithadifferentstrategythantheonewemayhavechosen.Wediscoverthatweboth,asthegreater

'WE,'maysharemoreincommonthanwedisagreeon.

Rule20

ForgiveandNotForget

JosephineWashington

ForgivenesspracticespromotedaWE-centriccommunitybuiltuponprinciplesofappreciative

discovery,co-creatinginspiration,generativethinkingandteamsynergy.

Toooftenwecarryaroundbaggagethatweighsusdown,causesustoholdangertowardothers,and

leadsustobecarriersoftoxicemotions.Understandinghowtoforgiveandnotforgetisessentialfor

creatingWEineveryorganization.

Mad, hurt and confused, Steve hated his new colleague! Once again, his day at the office was miserable.Blame,blame,blame.Anger,anger,anger.AnnandSteveworkedtogether.Steve,who workedinSalesAdministration,preparedsalesagreementsforAnnwhointerfacedwithcustomers.

Ann,thenewcolleague,blamedSteveformisplacingthesalesagreementforthenewprospective

client.Sureenough,thiswasthesamesalesagreementthatshetookhomethenightbeforetoreview

anddidnotbringbacktotheoffice,yetStevewashertargettoday.Frustratedbyherownangerfor

nothavingthesalesagreementattheofficetoreviewwiththeprospectiveclient,shecommunicated

thewronginstructionstoSteveashewaspreparingthenewsalesfolderfortheclient.

Whentheclientgotthewrongsalesagreement,hewasupsetandconfusedbytheagreementdetails. Consequently,hedecidedtotakehisbusinesstoacompetitor.Needlesstosay,Annwasfuriousatthe loss of theclient's business.Thenextday,SteveoverheardAnngossiping withtheother office colleaguesabouthowmuchshedistrustedSteve.Steve,ontheotherhand,feltbetrayedandwronged. Justifiedinhisbitterness,anger,andresentment,hefelttherewasnoapparentreasonto"forgiveand forget"Ann'sactions.

InSteve'spersonallife,hehadembarkedonapathwayofloveandforgiveness.Hewashealingfrom various personal transgressions and practiced the virtues of forgiveness daily. He started by forgivinghimself,thusfreeinghimselfoftheemotionalwallsofbitterness,angerandresentment.He meditatedinthemorningsandeveningstoanchor hispositivethoughtsfor theday.Additionally, Stevementallyreflecteduponsituationswherehepracticedcompassionandjoy.Stevelivedinhis heartmostofthetime,practicinghismantraof"forgiveandforget,"exceptatwork!

Notlivinginhisheartatwork,theplacewhereheinvestedmostofhisemotionalenergies,really botheredSteve.Henotonlyfaceddifficultyexpressingheartfeltforgiveness,butalsowasequally burdenedbyhisbrain'sgeneralinabilityto forgetthehurtfulemotionalsituationsthatseemedto occuronanalmostdailybasis.Hisworkplaceenvironment,likemost,wastoxicandpollutedwith lotsofnegativeenergy,makingforgettingalessthanviableoption.However,Steve'sdesirefora healthy work-life balance and for positive, WE-centric relationships propelled him to make the commitmenttolearnhowto"forgiveandnotforget."

Immediately,Stevetriedseveral newforgiveness practices whileatwork.First,hewouldtryto envision a compassionate place for himself, a practice that allowed him to develop a greater appreciationforhisownlife.Second,Stevewouldtrytoviewhimselfandhiscolleaguesasequals andhavethehighestconcernforenablingandensuringtheiroptimalperformance.

Forgiveness practices promoted a WE-centric community built upon principles of appreciative discovery,co-creatinginspiration,generativethinkingandteamsynergy.Finally,Stevewouldtryto openhisheartandbecomemoreawareofthedynamicsinhisenvironmentandnotfeelthepressure tofixeverything.Thispracticeexpandedhisabilitytoenablebothhisheartandmindtoflowin synchronyanddetectwheneverythingisokayexactlyasitis.

Finally,StevewouldnotforgettogiveAnnthetremendousgiftofall--hisforgiveness!

Rule21

ActinaMannerThat

HonorsYourselfandYour

Associates

BudBilanich

Youractionsreflect not onlyonyoupersonally, but also onthegroupswithwhichyouare associated.

Originally,mymessageherewas,"Never doanythingtoembarrassyourselfor your associates." NancyRing,acolleagueinTheCreatingWeInstitute,pointedoutthatthisisanegativestatement;it toldyouwhatnottodo.NancysuggestedthatIchangeittoapositivestatementthattellsyouwhatyou shoulddotobearesponsiblememberofanorganizationorcommunity.

Nancyisright.It'smuchbettertoprovideotherswithpositive,affirmativeactionstheycanuseas

guidesforactionthanwithnegativeactionstoavoid.ThankstoNancyforthisbonusadvice.

WE-centricthinkingholdsthatweareallpartofsomethingbiggerthanourselves.Thisbeingthe case,your actionsreflectnotonlyonyoupersonally,butalsoonthegroupswithwhichyouare associated.

WhenIwasinjuniorhighschoolIwascaughtshopliftinganitemthatcostlessthanadollarfroma

localdiscountstore.Ididitonadare.Myparentswereobviouslyveryupsetwithmebecausethey

hadraisedmenottolie,cheatandsteal.Withthislittleshopliftingescapade,Idishonoredourfamily.

Itdidn'tmatterthatitwasonachildhooddareorthat"everyoneelsewasdoingit."Whatmatteredwas

thatmyactionshadimplicationsthatwentbeyondmeandreflectednegativelyonmyfamily.

Thisistheheartofthematterhere.Yourepresentallofthegroupswithwhomyouareassociated. You representyour family, your school, your company and any number of other groups.Your behavior,positiveandnegative,reflectsonthesegroupsandtheirmembersasmuchasitdoeson you.Acthonorably,andpeoplewillassociatehonorwiththegroupswithwhichyouareassociated. Actdishonorably,andpeoplewillformnegativeopinionsofthesegroups.

IfelthonoredwhenIwasaskedtocontributeafewrulestothisbook.AsamemberofTheCreating WeInstitute,Iknowthatmywritingreflectsonallofmyco-authorsinthisbookaswellasevery member oftheInstitute.Ifeelalittleextraresponsibilityto do thebestjobIcanbecauseofmy responsibilitytorepresentmyfriendsandcolleagueswell.Iwantthemtobeproudofthisbookand thoseofuswhocontributedtoit.

Sometimesthingsworkouttheotherway.SeveralyearsagothecityofNewYorkhonoredagroupof policemenandfiremenfor actsofvalor.After theceremony,afewpolicemanandfiremanover indulgedabit.WhatbeganasgoodnaturedbanteringandtauntingbetweenNewYork'sFinest(the

police)andNewYork'sBravest(thefirefighters)turnedintoafistfightinfrontofarestaurantand barthatborderedoneofthecity'smorepopularparks.Theincidentwaswidelyreportedinthelocal

papersandTVnewscasts.Eventhoughfewerthan20copsandfiremenwereinvolved,noneofwhom

werethehonorees,boththePoliceDepartmentandFireDepartmentsufferedabigblackeye.This

negativepublicperceptionlingereduntilthebraveryofbothdepartmentswasdisplayedon9/11.

IfyouwanttobehaveinaWE-centricmanner,youneedtoacceptthefactthatyouractionsarea

reflectiononyouandonallofthepeopleandorganizationswithwhichyouareassociated.Actina

mannerthatwillreflectwellonyouandtheothersinyourlife.

Rule22

SpeakYourVulnerableTruth

CharlesJones

Sometimeswedon'ttellthetruthbecausewe'renotsurehow.

Considerthisscenario:

AlthoughPhil wasthelogical choicefor taking onaparticular project,Janewasabitwaryof assigning itto him because he missed meeting the deadline on his lastproject.So instead, she assignedtheprojecttoJim.

WhenPhilheardthattheprojecthadbeengiventoJim,hestoppedbyJane'sofficeandrespectfully

askedherwhyJimhadbeendelegatedtheprojectinsteadofhimself.JaneassuredPhilthatheshould

innowaytakethisasanegativereflectiononhisabilities--shejustsimplywantedtogiveJima

chancetoexpandhisskillsinthisarea.

Onthesurface,itmightlooklikeJanewasprotectingPhil'sself-esteemwhilegettingthejobdonein

themostexpeditiousway.However,itisinteractionslikethisonethatarethedeathofmanya'WE.'

Bywithholdingthetruerationaleforherchoice,andavoidingtherealquestion,"whyPhildidn'tget theassignment,"JanewasnotcandidwithPhil.Morelikelythannot,Philpickedupnonverbalclues of'avoidance'atboththeemotionalandconversationallevel.EvenifPhildoesn'tknowwhyJanewas beingdishonestorhidinghertruefeelings,hewillfeelJane'slackofhonestyandcandor.One'small' incident like this can distort a working relationship. Aseries of such incidents can damage a relationshipbeyondrepair.

Atsomelevel,weallknowthis.Sowhydowedoit?Sometimeswehesitatetellingthetruthtopeople

forfearwewillhurttheirfeelingsorruinarelationshipirreparably.Sometimeswedon'ttellthetruth

becausewe'renotsurehow.

Tounderstandthisdynamicmorefully,let'sreplayJane'ssituationfromthetop.

Inthisscenario,thefirstchoiceJanefacedwaswhattosaytoPhilwhenhemissedthedeadlineonhis

lastproject.

Take1:JanecouldhaveaskedPhiltorecounttheassessmentsanddecisionshemadethatledhimto

missthedeadline.HavingheardPhil'sstory,JanewouldbeinabetterpositiontoassesswhetherPhil

couldbetrustedwithprojectssuchastheseinthefuture.Thiskindofdebriefiscommoninmany

organizationstodayand,althoughitmaybepreferabletodoingnothingatall,itislikelytohavea

damagingeffectontheirrelationship.Janeis,ineffect,interrogatingPhilwiththeassumptionthat

Philalonehassomethingtolearnfromthisexperience.Imaginehowthisconversationwouldplay

outandhowPhilmightfeelattheend.

Take2:Incontrast,Janecouldhavebegunbyacknowledgingthatsinceshedelegatedthisassignment

to Phil, both she and Phil were accountable for ensuring that the deadline was met. With this declaration of shared accountability, Jane and Phil could work together to unearth the various assessments and decisions that each of them made that led to Phil missing the deadline. How differentlydoyouimaginethisconversationwouldplayout?

I'mguessingthatPhilwouldnotonlyfeelmoreopentotalkandidentifythingshecouldhavedone differently, but that Jane too would also identify one or more moments when she might have intervened in a helpful way. Both Phil and Jane would emerge from the conversation feeling empoweredandfarmoreconnected.Therub,ofcourse,isthatinorderforconversationssuchas thesetohappen,Janemustriskbeingemotionallyvulnerablewithasubordinate.

Andyet,thebenefitsofrelatingtoothersthroughsharedaccountabilityandopennessfaroutweigh

therisks.Notonlydoesthiswayofrelatingimproveperformance,italsostrengthenstheWEand

leadstoafarmorehumaneworkplace.

Rule23

PracticePresence

CatherineMullally

Itistheabilitytofocusourattentionthatraisescapacityandproductivityandsignalstoothers

thatweareengagingwithourwholeself.

ACEOwalksintoanemergencymeetingwithherexecutiveteam;theFDAhasrecalledtheirmarquee

product.TheCEO,normallycalm,isdistraughtandherteamquicklymirrorsthatattitude.TheVPof

PublicAffairsbeginsthediscussionand,forthenextfifteenminutes,theChiefExecutivedoesn'thear

aword.Hermindisspeedingaroundthevariables,thestockprice,thelegalliabilityandhowthis

couldhavehappenedtoher.

Whathappenswhenaleadershowsupbutisnottrulypresent?Inthiscase,lackofCEOpresence

causedtheteamtoshoreupthewallsbetweenthem,aseachsoughttoavoidblame.Themeeting

dissolvedwithoutaplan,andtheteamleftfeelingsuspiciousofoneanother.Whatmightthismeeting

havelookedlikeiftheCEOhadpracticedpresence?

Presenceisaskill,likeanyotherwemightacquireinourlives.Mostexecutivesworkquitehardto developthebusinessskillsnecessarytorunanenterprise.Veryfewtaketheinitialstepofexamining their capacity to stay in the moment.Presence is not a mystery, nor does it require a specific background.Greatleaders in all domains knowthe power of presence and use thatcapacity to performatlevelsfarbeyondaverageachievement.

It'shardtoimagineTigerWoodsmakingthatfinal,perfectputtifhismindwereoccupiedelsewhere, orBarackObamaengagingheadsofstatewhilehisattentionwasdivertedbyothermatters.Yetin business,weliveunderthemythofmulti-taskingforhigherproductivity.Infact,itistheabilityto focusourattentionthatraisescapacityandproductivity,andsignalstoothersthatweareengaging withour wholeself.Whenweexperiencethisinaleader,webecomeencouragedto participate similarly, which is what shifts the business into a WE-centric environment. By consciously developingPresence,aleadercanturnateamofindividual'I's'intoahigherorderofco-creators equippedtoguideanorganizationforward.

Howcanwetrainourselvesandotherstostaypresent?

QuiettheMind:Likeanyskill,practicedoesmakeusbetter.Findaplacethatisquietand comfortable.Asagoal,holdaquietmindforacountoffive.Keepthespinestraight,feetflat onthefloor andwitheyesclosed,simplywatchasthoughtscomeinandoutofthemind. Insteadoffollowingthethought,havetheintentiontoreleasethemthemomenttheyarise. Whenwequietourthoughts,webecomemastersofourownmind.Wearemorepresentto otherswhenwebecomemorepresenttoourselves. PracticeAttention:TherearemanywaystodevelopPresenceandalmostalloftheminclude practicesofconcentrationandobservation.Findtheonethatworksbestforyou--Meditation,

Yoga,andBreathing.

CultivateWisdom:Wisdomrequiresself-curiosity,thedesiretounderstandwhoweareand

howweframeourexperiencessowearemuchmoreabletounderstandandacceptthewisdom

ofothers.Wisdomiscontagiousandwhenaleadermakesthiscommitment,otherswillfollow.

Whatistheimpact?

Whatistheimpact?

Greatercreativity,astheleaderavoidsimposingoldframeworksonnewissues Increased capacity to shift out of deductive reasoning into a more right brain, intuitive knowing OpenengagementamongpeopleresultinginheightenedWE-centriccollaboration Agreatersenseofpersonalcalm,confidence,andcongruencethatgeneratesthesameinothers

Thefollowingweek,ourCEOre-groupedwithherteam.Throughpractice,shewaslearninghowto

stillhermindandencouragedherteamtodothesame.Theymadeitthroughtheproductrecallasa

cohesiveteam;theyactedasaWE,insteadofagroupofdisconnectedindividuals,protectingtheir

individualturfs.Theybondedtogether,usedtheircollectivewisdom,andidentifiednotjustsolutions

butwaystoprovideadditionalandunanticipatedvaluetotheirconsumers.

Imaginewhatpracticingpresencecandoforyou,yourteam,andyourorganization.

SectionV

UnderstandWhento

PullInsteadofPush

Rule24:MoveWith,NotAgainst,Partners

Rule25:SeekEngagement,NotCompliance

Rule26:ListentoConnect

Rule27:EmbraceDifferentPerspectives

Rule28:SynergizeYourTeams

Rule24

MoveWith,NotAgainst,

Partners

JudithE.Glaserand

JerryManas

Ratherthandemandingotherstostepintoapower-fight,wecanrequestthatothersmoveinto

apower-withdancewithus.

Weinteractenergeticallywithothers.Weeithermovetowardsothers,awayfromothers,withothers

oragainstothers.Whenwebelievethatothersareouradversaries,wemoveagainstthem.Action--

reaction,tit-for-tatorretaliation,cantransformthemintoadversaries.

Anthropologistsandbiologistsbelievewehaveatit-for-tatinstincthardwiredintoourDNA.Infact,

thisinstinctisevolutionaryandisfoundinallmammals.Suchistrue,forexample,whensomeone

comesatus'mammals'inanger,wefireofffearsignalsinouramygdala--atinyorganfoundinthe

lowerpartofourlimbicbrain--andwemoveintoourprotectionmode.

Assoonasweseeandfeelthesignalsthatsomeoneisontheattack,werespondinstinctivelyto

protectourselves.Somepeoplereactbymatchingangerwithanger,oftencausingafighttoensue.

Othersmayfleeiftheyfeeltheangerandaggressionwillleadtodanger,believingthatrunningaway

willsavethemfrombeing'eatenalive.'Otherswillfreeze,hopingtheaggressorwillchangetheir

mindandmoveontomoreenticingprey.

This dance of engagement drives all of human behavior. Psychiatrist Stuart Brown gives an incrediblepresentationthatputstheseinteractiondynamicsintocontext.Browndescribesameeting

betweenanenormous1,200-poundmalepolarbearandafemalehusky.Thesceneisthemomentof

contactbetweenthe two the polar bear andhusky onthe Hudson Bayinlate fall,justnorthof Churchill,Manitoba.

Inhisconstantpursuitoffood,thepolar bear focuseshispredatorygazeontothefemalehusky, catching her stare. Under normal circumstances, the polar bear's generally fixed, rigid, and stereotypicalbehaviorwouldendwiththehuskyashisnextmeal,butthistime,somethingunusual happens.Thehuskyreturnedhisgazewithanengagingandgracefulbowandawaggingtail.The polarbearstoodtoweringoverthehusky,andinsteadofclawsandfangs,theybegantoengageinan incredibleballet.

Thisunexpectedinteractionisjustasmuchapartofnature'sorderastheanticipatedbattle-to-the-

death.Yetthistime,itmanifestsasanincredibleduetbetweenpredatorandprey,withtwoanimalsina

transformedstateastateofplay.Allbecauseofthewaythehuskyacted.

Whattrumpswhatinnature?Weassumepoweroverothersgetsusourway.Andwhatisourway

anyway?Thedanceinnaturewewitnessedinthestoryofthehuskyandthepolarbearisaperfect

exampleofhowhumanbeingsandallotheranimalscommunicate.Wesendalltypesofsignalsallthe

time.Wetesteachother--asthehuskydidthebear,andweseewhatcomesback.Oursignalswork

likeradiosignalssaying:"Whereareyou?"and"Whatdoyouwant?"

Oursignalingsystem--whatwesendandwhatwereceive--alertsustothenatureofourrelationship

withothers.Weeithermovetowardsothers,awayfromothers,withothersoragainstothers.Each

signalgeneratesareactionthatisashardwiredinnatureasthefight-or-flightsyndrome.

Inourbrains,wetranslatethesesignalsintolabelsaboutourpowerrelationshiptoothers.Weare

eitherinapower-overorpower-withmodeofinteractionwiththosearoundus.Thehusky'ssignals

toplay--power-with--trumpedthepolarbear'ssignalstodomi-nate--power-over--certainlyatrump

thatisoneofnature'sbigsurprises.

Theantidotetothecommonpower-overbehaviorsatworkistoresistgivingbackpowertoothers,

andinstead,requestthattheymovewithusintoapower-withdance,thusavoidingthepower-fightall

together.

Antidote:Make requests,notdemands.Bymoving towardandwithothers,withthe intentionof creatingagreater,moreengagingand(inbusiness)amoreproductiveoutcome--ouradultformof playcanproduceunimaginableandpositiveresults.Ourbeliefsdriveourintentions,ourintentions driveouractions,andouractionsdrivetheresultsweachievewithothers.

Rule25

SeekEngagement,Not

Compliance

JerryManas

Presentations,training,missionstatements,roadshows,lectures,orevenaudits,willnotmake

peopleembraceanything.

Manyorganizationsimplementsomenewprocessor formandwonder whypeopledon'tcomply. Worseyet,insteadofattemptingtolearnthenewlyproposedsystem,peopleinsteadgrumbleand spreadthemiseryaroundtheoffice.Abetter methodfor implementingsuchchangeistoengage people in co-creating the solution wherever possible. By soliciting feedback and presenting challengesfor peopleto address,you'llbesurprisedbytheingenuitydisplayedandthelevelof participation.Nexttime,seekengagementinsteadofcompliance,andseethedifferenceitmakes.

Oneofmycoachingclients(let'scallhimDave)washavingdifficultygettinghissmallstaffofthree tocomplywithusinganewprojectmanagementtemplatehehadrecentlyimplemented."Theydon't seemtoseemtoappreciatethefactthatIknowthisstuffbetterthantheydo,"Davelamented."Besides, Iknowwhat'srightfor theorganization--I'vebeendoing thisfor 20years!"Thenheposedhis questiontome."HowdoIgetthemtocomply?"

Isuggestedthatperhapsanalternateperspectiveofthequestionwouldbe:"Whatobjectivesarewe

tryingtoachieveandhowcanIgetpeopleengagedinmeetingtheobjectiveseffectively?"Iaddedthat

it'snotamatterofwhoknowswhat;it'samatterofhowweengageothers,howwecommunicateour

needstothem,andhowwemeettheirneedforinclusion.Isuggestedheholdameetingwiththethree

peopleinquestion,withthefollowingagendaandguidelines.

Reviewtheproblemoropportunitythatthetemplatewasmeanttoserve.

Ensurethateveryoneagreesthattheproblemoropportunityisrealandneedstobeaddressed

insomemanner.Ifthereisdisagreement,tryanotherperspective--thatofmeetingtheneedsof

allpartiesintheroom.

Revieweachelementofthetemplateinquestionandtheneeditisintendedtomeet.

Haveanopendialogueonalternatewaysofmeetingthoseneeds,lettingthestafftakethelead

anddiscussalternatives.Avoidsteeringordirectingtheconversationatallcosts.

Beopentoremovingelementswherethecostinconfusionortimeisnotworththevalueit

brings.Trytointegratetheideasofallpartieswherepossible.

Davedidholdthemeetingwithhisstaff,andreportedbacktomethefollowingweek."Notonlydid

wecomeawaywithamorestreamlinedandmoreeffectivetemplate,"hesaid,"buttwomembersof

mystafftoldmeprivatelythenextdaythatitwasthefirsttimesincethey'vebeenwiththecompany

thattheyfeltimportant."Healmostseemedsurprised."Theycameintothankme,"headded."Infact,

thewholedynamicinourdepartmenthaschanged."

Thisdidnotsurprisemeintheleast.I'veseensimilarresultstimeandtimeagainwhenpeopleare includedinthecreationofoutcomes,insteadofbeing askedto complywithsomething thatwas inflicted upon them. The reverse is also true. I've seen countless organizations implement bureaucratic,laboriousprocesseswithouttheinvolvementortheengagementofthepeoplewhomust usethem,andtheywonderwhythere'sverylittleadoptionofthenewstandards.

Peopleneedtofeelincluded.Theyneedtoknowwhat'sinitforthemandtheywanttohaveasayin howtheydo their jobs.Presentations,training,missionstatements,roadshows,lectures,or even audits,willnotmakepeopleembraceanythingandinfactsomemayevenworktosabotagethenew idea.Instead,wemustengagepeopleinco-creatingmethodsandoutcomes.

Rule26

ListentoConnect

LisaGiruzziand

JudithE.Glaser

Listeningtoconnectallowsforadifferentlevelofconversation,wherecolleaguesareenlivened,

andenergized;wherecreativityandinnovationabound;andwherepeopleareforeverchanged.

Listeningisaverycomplexprocess.Thinkaboutyourlastreallygreatconversation.Whatmadeit

great?Wasitthespeakingorthelisteningorsomecombinationofboth?Typicallywedonotgive

listeningmuchthoughtand,ifwedo,themainconcerniswhetherornotwearelistening.Thereality

isthathowwelistenshapesandinfluenceseverythingweencounter.

Thetraditional,'I-Centric'approachtolisteningisprimarilytolistenforinformation,atransactional experience of asking and telling, each person delivering a monologue to their audience.Expe- rientially,wefeelleftout,talkedatanddisconnected.

TocreateWE,onemustlistentoconnect.Listeningtoconnectbringspeopleintoour livesina meaningfulwaybypromotingmutualsharinganddiscovery.Thereisasenseofbeingtalkedwith, andincludedintheprocess.

Listeningtoconnectisnotaboutwaitingfor otherstostoptalking.It'saboutbeingengagedina discoveryprocess,andanticipatingwhat'pearlsofwisdom'willbesharedordiscovered.It'sabout quieting your internal dialogue and being fully present--generating acceptance, safety, and appreciationwhileothersspeak;andit'saboutallowingbrilliancetoemerge.Listeningtoconnect allowsforadifferentlevelofconversation,wherecolleaguesareenlivened,andenergizedbyeach other;wherecreativityandinnovationhaveachancetoemerge;andwherepeople'justmightbe foreverchanged.'

Apowerful exampleis Corey,who despitebeing averycapableandskilledvicepresidentina financial company,was facing terminationdueto his negativeimpactoncolleagues andclients. Coreywasatalker;hetalkedabouthimselfnon-stop.Hetalkedabouthisopinions,accomplishments, andcontacts,never leaving amomentfor another to interject.Hethoughtof himself asagreat communicator,neveratalossforwords.Othersviewedhimasegotistical,boorish,andself-centered withnohopeforimprovement.

Thedamagingeffectsofhisinteractionswerefarreachingbecauseofhishigh-levelposition;his

colleaguesandclientshadnointerestinworkingwithhim.TheCEOgaveCoreytheoptiontoeither

participateinexecutivecoachingorbefired.

Throughcoaching,Coreylearnedtheimpacthis'I-centric'listeningstylewashavingoneveryone,

includinghimself.Itwaslifechanging.Hebegantonoticethebalancebetweenlisteningandtalking

withinaconversation.Hebecameinterestedinwhathewaslisteningfor;ratherthanlisteningfor

"howtowinpoints."Hebeganlisteningforhowhecouldconnectwithpeople.Notonlydidthisshift

inlisteningalterCorey'sabilitytoperform,butitalsotransformedtheperceptionsothershadofhim.

Ultimately,hebecamesomeonewhowaswelllikedandadmiredbybothhiscolleaguesandclients

andtheCEOaskedhimtostayonatthefirm.

Someprinciplesoflisteningtoconnectare:

Quietyourinnerdialogueandfocusyourattentiononthepersonspeaking. Determinewhatjudgmentsandopinionsyouarebringing to theconversation,thendecide whichyouwanttoletgo. Askyourselfwhatyouarelisteningfor. Beforespeaking,consider:"HaveIfullyunderstoodthisperson'sperspective?"Ifnot,ask questionstogainmoreunderstanding. Listenforwhatyouhaveincommon;whereyoucanagreeandwherenewintersectionscanbe born. Expectthepersonspeakingtosaygreatthings;expectthatyouwillsaygreatthingstoo. Sharestoriesofyourexperienceratherthanjustopinions. Appreciatetheotherperson'spointofviewandthinkingstyle. Noticethebalanceofspeakingandlistening.

Listeningtoconnecthassuchextraordinarypowerthatitcanturnfoesintofriendsanddistrustinto trust,oneconversationafteranother.Openingourselvesuptonoticeourlisteningpatternscanhavea life-changing impact on everyone involved.As we listen to connect we are building a web of connectivity and expanding our circle of colleagues and friends.People will feel included and honoredandwillnaturallywanttogivebackasmuch,ormore,thantheyreceive.

Rule27

EmbraceDifferent

Perspectives

LisaGiruzzi

Anatmospherewhereitissafetoexpressdifferentpointsofviewandwherethereisfreedomto

dissentfosterspowerfulcollaborativerelationships

Eachindividualbringstheirownuniqueperspectivetoeverythingtheyencounter.Ourperspectiveor

pointofviewdeterminestheworldweseeandexperience.Notwoperspectivesareexactlythesame

becauseeachofusdevelopsourperspectiveovertimebasedonourpasthistory.

Inthetraditional'I-centric'paradigm,the'game'istypicallytoseekoutotherswhoshareasimilar pointofview.Whenweencounterthosewithdifferingpointsofview,wehavetwochoices:tochange their mind to agree with ours or to prove them wrong.This is all in an effortto protectour understandingofthesituation(oroflife).Whydoesourviewneedprotecting?Winningisaprimary objective of the 'I-centric' paradigm and being right equals winning. Proving others wrong is necessaryinthisright/wrong-win/loseapproachtolife,andbeingprovenwrongistobeavoidedat allcosts.

Creating WE is a totally different game. A fundamental principle of creating WE is that all perspectivesarevalid;notrightorwrong.Infact,embracingdiversityofperspectivesisessentialfor creatingWE.AhealthyWEisoneinwhichallofthemembers'individualperspectiveshavebeen exploredandconsideredbythegroupasawhole.Thisensureseveryonefeelsheard,whichiscritical formaintainingWE.Whateverdecisionisultimatelymade,thedecisionmakershavehadthebenefit ofeveryone'sbestthinking.Each'I'withintheWEcancontributetothisgoalbymakingsurethey balancetheamountoftimetheyspendadvocatingtheirownpointofview,withtheamountoftime theyspendinquiringintotheperspectiveofothers--includingdrawingouttheperspectivesofthose whohaven'tsaidanything.

Whenwehonordiverseperspectives,andappreciatemembersfortheircontributions,weincreasethe likelihood everyone will embrace a new innovative strategy. WE-centric cultures create an atmospherewhereitissafeto expressdifferingpointsofview.Allowing for freedomtodissent fosterspowerfulcollaborativerelationships.

Inoneinstance,threenon-profitorganizationswereeachworkingtodeveloptheirownindividual

eventsthatwouldraisefundsandalsoattractalargerdonorbase.Whentheseagenciesbecameaware

oftheircommoncauses,interests,andgoalstheydecidedtoworktogetherandpooltheirresources.

Unfortunately,aftermonthsofmeetingsandotherefforts,therewaslittleprogress.Thoseinvolved

werefeelingfrustratedandbegantoquestionwhetherdecidingtoworktogetherwasagoodidea.

Aninterventionwasarrangedwiththeobjectiveofmovingtheprojectforward.Initially,eachofthe

organizationsadvocatedforitsownpointofviewandunintentionallydismissedthosebelongingto

others.Additionally,eachprivatelyharboredtheconcernthattheirblendedeffortswouldresultin

theirownorganizationlosingcontroloftheproject.

Theinterventionallowedforthesefearstobeidentifiedandestablishedasafeenvironment,which allowedforthedifferingperspectivesonhowtobestachievethegoaltobesharedandheardwithout judgment.Aftertheright/wrongparadigmwasleftbehind,theorganizationswereabletoformatrue collaborationandeasilydevelopwaystoworktogethertoaccomplishtheirgoal.Withinfivemonths

ofthecompletionoftheintervention,theinauguraleventwasheld--over$55,000hadbeenraisedfor

thecause.

Embracingdifferentperspectivestakesawillingnesstogiveupbeingrightaboutyourownpointof view,acommitmenttoinquireintotheperspectivesofothersandanunderstandingthatthebenefitsof divergent perspectives far outweigh any discomfort that one may encounter in the process of acknowledgingthem.

Rule28

SynergizeYourTeams

JosephineWashington

Ittakescouragetoseemorethantheoutershellofapersonandjourneyinwardtoinspiretheir

hearts,minds,andsouls.

Bill, the company's CEO, determined that it would need to shut down the business, effectively diminishing thelivelihoodofhundredsoffamiliesunlesstheywereableto increaseproduction, improvequality,andreducestaffcosts.Theywereatthepivotpoint:changeordie!

Overtheyears,theyhadconductedseveralhighperformancetrainingprogramsfortheteams,but

nothingchanged.Billdeclaredthatthesupervi-sors--nottheteam--weretheproblem.Hedecidedto

givetrainingonemoretry,butthistimeitwouldbefortheteamandprovidingthemwithadditional

trainingwouldbeafixforthe"hardhat,steel-toeshoewearingguys."

Eventhoughhewasnotconvincedthatsupervisorytrainingwouldwork,BillbroughtinJoyce,a

trainingconsultant,asonelastattempttocreatechange.HeletJoyceknowthathereallydidn'tthink

thesupervisorswouldeverchangetheirunproductivebehaviors;hejustcouldn'tseeit.Butasonelast

efforttosavehiscompany,hechallengedhertogetresults.Healso'kindly'informedher,"Wehave

firedthreeothertrainingconsultantsbeforeyou.GoodLuck!"

Six months later, to his pleasant surprise, Bill started noticing behavior shifting among the supervisors:positiveinteractions,dramaticallyimprovedattendanceatmeetings,moreinterestin performanceresults,andeagerlearnerswhosoughttoworkasteamplayers.Everyonenoticed!

Fourmonthslater,Billwasreviewingthethirdquarterperformancereports.Tohisutteramazement, productivity and quality levels had increased significantly.Unable to contain his enthusiasm, he immediatelymadeacalltoJoyce:What'sgoingon?

JoyceandhercolleagueCherylpreparedtheirpresentation,whichincludedherbeliefthatleaders have the critical responsibility to create a synergetic organizational culture that inspires open learning and WE-centric principles. Like great athletes and musicians, the performance of the supervisorsdependedupontheiremotional,mental,andspiritualpreparationtoworkinaninspiring environment.

Joyce decided to present her plan to establish the Synergy Zone on the shop floor where the supervisorswereinspiredtodiscovertheirinnerstrengths,sharenewknowledge,andunearththe team'swisdom.Practicingthesesynergizingteamtechniquesweekly,wisdomemerged.Supervisors becamefocused,competent,andpassionateaboutagreaterpurposeotherthanthemselves.Whenan eggissittingstill,itcanbeeasytoforgetthatinsideitisstillsomethingveryspecialdeveloping.It takescouragetoseebeyondtheoutershellofapersonandtojourneyinwardtoinspiretheirhearts, minds,andsouls.Joyceclosedthepresentationwithsomehelpful tips.TheAPPLY(r) Invitation

coachingdevelopmentprincipleswereideal.

ThesimpleprinciplesforAPPLY(r)Invitationare:

Authentic-

Appreciateandhonoryourinnerself.Understandyourpersonaluniquegifts,talents,

Self

andabilities.

Purpose

Deepenyourinnerknowingofyourpersonaldestiny.Alignyouraspirationstoadvance

yourpersonalandprofessionalgoals.

Practice

Implementinspiredactionstopromoteyourlearningopportunities.Realizethepower

ofpracticingoften.

Learn

Buildyourknowledgeandskillstoincreaseyourperformancecapabilities.Openyour

heartandmindtoexplorenewhorizons.

Your

Shareyourlearningexperiencesandyourwisdomwillemerge.Committosharingand

Growth

nurturingyourpositivedevelopmentcontinuously.

InstantlyuponsteppingintoBill'soffice,sheknewsomethingdifferentwasgoingon.Hisdesktop

wastotallyclearedandhewascompletelyfocused.BillbegantellingJoyceaboutwhathehadbeen

observingandlearningasthoughhehadreadherpresentationnotes.

Withoutadoubt,Billwasverymuchinrhythmwith"whatwasgoingon."JoycediscoveredthatBill

toowasinspiredbyhissupervisorsandhadlearnedthevalueofthesynergizingteampractices.Bill

soonbecameahighlyrespectedleaderandbeganadvocatingtootherexecutivesaroundtheworld

howinnerwisdomsynergizesteams.Thecompanyremainsopentodayandisoperatingwithahigh

degreeofsuccess.

SectionVI

RealizeHowWords

CreateWorlds

Rule29:CreateSharedMeaning

Rule30:SupportOthersinRecognizingNeeds

Rule31:SeparateOpinionsfromFacts

Rule32:BeWillingtoChangeOurBeliefs

Rule33:AdvocateforNeeds,NotMeans

Rule34:WeAreWhatWeWrite

Rule35:BeElegantlyInclusive

Rule29

CreateSharedMeaning

LisaGiruzzi

Simple everyday terms such as teamwork, leadership, and respect have entirely different meaningsdependingonwhomyoutalkto.

"LanguageisthehouseofBeing;initshomemandwells.Thosewhothinkandthosewhocreatewith wordsaretheguardiansofthishome."

--MartinHeidegger,Germanphilosopher,LetteronHumanism,1947

Words,words,words.Wearesurroundedbywords.Wethinkinlanguage,wespeakinlanguage,we

readandwriteinlanguageandyetwetakelanguageforgranted.Wespendlittletonotimeactually

distinguishingwhatwemeanbythewordsweuseincommunicationwithothers.

Afundamentalassumptionisthatweallmeanthesamethingwhenweusethesamewords,despitethe

factthatvirtuallyallwordshavemorethanonemeaningandcanevenhavetotallydifferentmeanings

dependingonthecontext.Givenourdiversebackgroundsandperspectives,isitsurprisingthatwe

havedifferentinterpretationsofwhatwordsmean?

InordertocreateWE,sharedmeaningofcommonlanguagemustbeestablished.Forinstance,ifan

organizationhasasetofguidingprinciplesorvalues,effortmustbemadetoensureeveryonehasa

sharedunderstandingofthismeaning.

Anofficeequipmentcompanyexperiencedthisdilemmafirst-hand.Oneofthetenetsoftheirbusiness

wasprovidingexcellentcustomerservice.Thiscompanywasmadeupofasalesteamandatechnical

supportteam.Thesalesteamwasresponsibleforallaspectsofsaleswhilethetechnicalsupportteam

wasresponsibleforthesetupandserviceofthemachinesthatthecompanysold.

Theownersofthecompanyweredistressedbyongoingreportsofmediocreservicebycustomers.In spiteoftheowners'persistenteffortstoemphasizeexcellentcustomerservicewiththeiremployees, there was no change.The need to create shared meaning was discussed with the owners.Their responsewas,"Everyoneknowswhatitmeans."

Contrarytotheowners'assertionthiswasnotthecase.Thesalesteamdefinedexcellentcustomer serviceasforming relationshipswiththecustomersandmaking suretheyweretakencareof.It entailed lots of communication and 'schmoozing.' On the other hand the technical supportteam defineditasgettingthemachinesrunningasquicklyaspossible.Infacttheyfeltthatcommunication withcustomersshouldbekepttoaminimum,concentratingonlyonthefacts.

Thisexamplemaysoundextremebutitisfarmorecommonthanyouthink.Simpleeverydayterms

suchasteamwork,leadership,andrespecthaveentirelydifferentmeaningsdependingonwhomyou

talkto.Ifyouhaveteenagersathome,youknowyourdefinitionof'clean'oftendoesnotmatchtheirs.

Comingtoasharedunderstandingcanavertconflictsandallsortsofnegativeconsequences.

Someideasforcreatingsharedmeaningare:

Someideasforcreatingsharedmeaningare:

Askpeopletoshareexamplesratherthandefinitions.Forexample,canyoutellmeastoryofa

timewhenyouprovidedexcellentcustomerservice?

Assumeyourdefinitionofwordsdifferfromothers'definition.

Respectothers'interpretations.Theyhavevalidreasonsfortheirdefinitions.

Ask, "What do WE mean by?"

createyour ownuniquedefinition.Whiletheremaybesimilarities,abaseballteamhasa distinctdefinitionofteamthatisdifferentfromacrewteam,orfromasalesteam. Don'tbeafraidtouseenoughwordstosaywhatyoumean.Everythingdoesnotneedtofitona bumpersticker. Keepaskingquestionsuntilyouareconfidentthatyouhavecreatedsharedmeaning.

Be willing to

InordertocreateWE,themembersneedtoknowwhattheyareapartof.Thatcanonlyhappenwhen

thereisasharedunderstandingofwhatthingsmean.

Rule30

SupportOthersin

RecognizingNeeds

NancyRing

Wecaninvestourenergyinhelpingpeoplegettheirneedsmetandseethembeeffectiveand

productive,orwecanignorethoseneedsanddealwithpeople'sreactiveandineffectivestress

behavior.

Despitewhatmanybusinesseswouldliketobelieve,wehumansallhavecoreneeds--fromthewaywe

needtobetreatedtotheelementsinourlivesthatfeedus.

Businesses oftenworrythatacknowledging those needs will require extra resources andhave a negativeimpactonthebottomline."Payingattentiontoindividuals'needsjustseemsliketoomuch work,"managerscancomplain.Inreality,though,wehavetwochoices:wecaninvestourenergyin helpingpeoplegettheirneedsmetandseethembeeffectiveandproductive,orwecanignorethose needsanddealwithpeople'sreactiveandineffectivestressbehavior.

Eitherway,it'saninvestment.Personally,I'dmuchrathersupportpeople'seffectivenessthanputup

withtheirstress.MoretimesthanIcancount,I'veseenitpayoffinorganizationsaswell.

AlargepharmaceuticalcompanyinMinneapolisisagreatexample.Theissueisthattheireffortsto

gettheirnewtreatmentforrebuildingweakeningbonesthroughtheR&Dprocesswerefloundering.

ConflictswereafootbetweentheleaderoftheOsteoporosisTherapeuticArea,Dr.Simpson,andhis

scientificteam.Asthetimelinestightened,theyfellfurtherandfurtherbehindandtheirdatacontinued

tolooklessandlesspromising.Thescientistswerebetteratunderminingeachother'sresultsthan

theywereatdevelopingcredibleresultsoftheirown.

"Thestressiskillingus,"Dr.Simpsontoldus.Frustratedthatpeoplewerenotabletoworktogether,

hesetupthreedatareviewmeetingsaweekwherepeoplewereforcedtopresentanddefendtheirdata

inthefaceoftheharshestofcriticism.

Theeffect,however,waslessprogress,lowerproductivity,andmoreconflictabouthowtoapproach

scientificdilemmas.Halfofthegroupwassobusytryingtogetoutofthemeetingsunscathedthat

theywerenotsayingwhattheyreallythoughtaboutthescience.Theotherhalftookthe"bestdefense

isagoodoffense"approach,rippingdatasetsapartwithoutofferinganysolutions.

"Youmayworkbestinrigorous,largegroupdebates,"ItoldDr.Simpson,"butit'sclearthatonlya

fewonyourteamhavethatsameneed."WethenworkedwithDr.Simpsonandhisgrouptohelp

everyonerecognizeandmeettheirownneeds.Duringthisprocess,wediscoveredthatsometeam

membersworkedbetterontheirown,whileotherspreferredtoworkingroups.

Someofthescientistswantedtheteamtostructuretheirwork,whileotherswantedtoprovidethat

structurethemselves.Afewofthemwantedtocontinuetherigorousgroupdebates,butthosewho

learnedbetterfromone-on-onecoachingandfeedbackwereaffordedthatapproach.

Weledtheteamthroughacollaborativeplanningprocesswheretheycreatedastrategythatfactored

ineveryone'sneeds,notjustDr.Simpson's.Thenewapproachesworked.Lessthanamonthlater,the

Osteoporosisteamwasseeingpromisingdataandtheircompoundisnowinclinicaltrials.

By recognizing and supporting the varying needs on his team--including his own--Dr.Simpson createdanenvironmentwheretheWEbecamebiggerthanthesumoftheI's.Anditlookslikethose whosufferfromosteoporosiswillbenefitfromthisapproachtoo.

Rule31

SeparateOpinionsfromFacts

CharlesJonesand

WhitakerRaymond

Treatingopinionsandfactsasoneandthesameincreasestherisksofwoundedegos

Moreoftenthanwerealize,weargueaboutopinionsasiftheyarefacts.Andwhenthishappens,the

qualityofcommunicationdropsdramatically.

Julie,aseniorexecutiveofafinancialservicesfirm,wasfrustratedwithhernumberonemanager,

Fred,whowasinchargeofrelationshipmanagementwithallimportantoutsidevendors.

Julie:"Fred,youarenotcloseenoughtoourvendors.Theydon'tknowwheretheystandwithus."

Fred:"Waitaminute,that'snotright!Ihavecommunicatedcloselywiththem.Relax.Everythingis

ok."

Julie:"Youdon'tunderstand,"shequicklyresponded.

Intheexampleabove,Julieisexpressingherviewsasiftheyarefacts,aswealldoonoccasion.She

talkswithFredasthoughsheknowsthetruth--whatactuallyhappenedandwhy.She's'interpreting'

whatishappeningwithjudgment--isalreadylockedonwhatthesituationandsolutionare.

Yetshe(andothers)mightreachadifferentconclusionoropinionintheconversationhadthefacts

beenexplicitandnotassumed.Asaresult,Fredrespondsdefensively--andshootsbackanopinionof

hisown.Forafewminutestheybattleovertheseopinionsuntilitiscleartheconversationisonly

gettingworse.

Bythemselves,opinionsarenot problematic.Why?Becauseour opinionsarewhatmoveusto action--theyareconclusions,judgments,andpositionsthatweadoptafter making meaning from observationsandfacts.Whatisproblematicismisinterpretingormisrepresentingtheseopinionsas facts,especiallywhentheyarejudgmentsaboutothers'actions.

Treating opinions and facts as one and the same increases the risks of wounded egos, strained relationships,wastedtime,divisiveconflict,andfaultydecision-making.Thedegreeof riskwill depend on factors such as the level of agreement or disagreement, the relative organizational positions,andattitudestowardeachother.

So,howcanyouavoidthismistake?

Precedeyouropinionswithphraseslike"BasedonthefactsI'veheard,it'smyopinionthat "Inthe conversationabove,FredfinallyaskedJulie,"Whospecificallyhassaidtoyoutheydon'tknowwhere theystand?"andtheconversationshiftedtofocusingonJulie'spreviousobservations.

Beexplicitaboutyouropinionsontheissue,e.g.:"Fred,givenmypastconversationswithanumber

ofvendors,it'smyopinionthatyouarenotcloseenoughtothem."

Shareyourfact-basedrationaleforyourposition,e.g.,"Fred,lastweekinaphonecallwithBill

JohnsonandagainyesterdayinameetingwithLizGorning,theybothsaidtheyweren'tsurewhatto

expectfromusinthewayofbusinessinthemonthsahead.Billsaidheisunclearwhatyouwantofhis

firm,andLizwasaskingmealotofquestionsaboutyourviewofrelationshipswithfirmssuchas

hers.Tome,thisindicatestheydon'tknowwheretheystand,andit'spossiblethatothersareinthe

sameboattoo."

Whenyouhearothersstatingtheiropinionsasiftheywerefacts,herearesomewaysyoucan

encouragethemtotakeownershipfortheiropinions:

Reframetheirstatementasanopinionandreflectitbacktothegroup,e.g.,"Julie,soyouareofthe

opinionthatthere'saproblem,andaseriousone.Howdowegetatthefactshere?"

Askthespeakerfortheirrationale,e.g.,"Ineedtounderstandthisbetter.What'shappenedthatledyou

tothisconclusion?"

Calloutand/orchallengethespeaker's[unspoken]assumptions,e.g.,"Julie,thisisaseriousviewyou

have,andthereforeimportant.AreyouconcernednotjustaboutthevendorsbutalsoaboutthewayI

amdoingmyjob?"

Whatever approachyouuse,owning your opinionsandhelping othersowntheirswillminimize pointlessbattlesofopinions,damagedegos,strainedrelationships,andfaultydecisions.Donewell, thissimpleactofacknowledgingopinionsreinforcesanenvironmentoftrustandtransparency,and strengthensthebondsofWE.

Rule32

BeWillingtoChangeOurBeliefs

JudithE.Glaserand

JerryManas

Conversations, especiallythosewhereweareentrenchedinourownviewof theworld, are rarelyneutral.

WecreateWEthroughconversations.Thatmaybeaboldstatement;yetwhenwethinkaboutit,it

ringstrue.Conversationsconnectustoeachother,andenableustoshareandcompareourviews,

feelings,insights,andwisdom.Asweconnectthroughconversationswemovefromthe'I'toasense

of'WE.'

Conversationsenableustoseehowwearealike,andhowwearedifferentfromothers.Mostofall,

conversationsenableustoseetheworldthrougheachother'seyes,andtovalidateourperspectivesof

theworld,apracticeMarcusreallyneededtolearntobeagreatleader.

Marcusroseupthecorporateladderinmarketingquitequickly,andintheprocess,hedevelopedan

edgeofarrogance.Hisprofessionalstatureoftenwenttohishead,leavinghimtobelievehiswisdom

wasinvaluable.Consequently,duringconversationswithco-workers,hefellintothehabitofmaking

apointbycorrectingtheotherperson'sstatements;itwassubtle,yetunnervingforthosearoundhim.

Robert: Ireally think we need to rally the sales force by giving them new, glossy marketing materialstheycanleavebehindwithcustomers. Marcus:Yes,butit'snotreallyglossythattheyneed,it'sreallysomethingthathasasensethatweare launchinganewproductline.It'snotglossythatweneed. Robert:WhatIwanttodoisgetthesalesforceexcited. Marcus:Yes,butwhattheyneedisamessage,notaglossy.

Marcuswasn'treallylistening.Heused"Yes,but,"afewtoomanytimes.Robertleftthemeeting

feelinghisperspectiveandhissalesteam'sneedswentunheard.

Whenourviewsdifferfromothers,weoftenfeelinconflictwiththem.Sometimeswecanfeelwe

needtoargueforourperspectiveandconvinceothersthatourviewistherightone.Whenwefeel

stronglyaboutourviews,wetendtofocusmoreonpersuadingotherstoagreewithoursideandend

uplisteningwithdeafearsatwhattheyaresayingandwhat'simportanttothem.Weputourvested

interestsaheadoftheirs.

Conversations,especiallythosewhereweareentrenchedinourownviewoftheworld,arerarely

neutral.Theseconversationsactivateusemotionally,spiritually,intellectually,andphysically.When

wefeelstronglyaboutthings,wefightforourbeliefs,andtrytoinfluenceotherstobringthemover

toourside.

InhealthyCo-creatingConversations(r):

InhealthyCo-creatingConversations(r): Weremainopentolistening,weaskquestions,wereflectonandponder others'ideas,we

Weremainopentolistening,weaskquestions,wereflectonandponder others'ideas,we engagetodeepenourunderstandingofthesituation,thepersonandtheevents. We recognize that we hold a strong point of view, but we remain open to learn and to determineifweneedtochangeourviewbasedonthenewideasandinsightswearegaining. Weexchangeideas,allowinginfluencetoflowinbothdirections,evenwhilewetryattimesto explainourownperspective;mostofallweareopentoinfluence. Weacknowledgeothers'pointsofview,andweshareourpointofviewlikeaconversational danceinanefforttodiscoverthewaysweinterconnectandcanco-createanevenbroaderand moreexpansivepointofview.

Someconversations,ontheotherhand,feelunhealthy.Theyfeelveryone-sided.Whenoneperson

doesallthetalking,itfeelslikeheorsheistalkingat,ordownto,asopposedto'with'theother

person.Intheworst-casescenario,itfeelslikeheorshehasstoppedlisteningalltogether.

Whenweengageinconversationsbytellingotherswhat'sonour minds,wecancomeacrossas pedantic,controlling,andunwillingtochangeourbeliefs.Whenweareopenandgenerative--when bothofusarewillingtoallowourwordsandbeliefstotransformourthink-ing--weriseupand createabigger WE.Whenweareableto letgo ofvestedinterests,faultyassumptions,outdated beliefs,worn-outstories,andopenourmindstonewpossibilities,wetransformourrelationshipsand ourenvironmentstoonesthatbreedinnovation,sustainableleadershipandbusinesssuccess.

Rule33

AdvocateforNeeds,NotMeans

CharlesJones

OnceJohnandJaneshift thefocus of theconversationto theirrespectiveneeds, theywill immediatelyceaseoperatingasadversariesandbeginoperatingaspartners.

We've all had the experience of seeing a WE devolve into two or more 'I's' due to seemingly irreconcilabledifferencesofopiniononhowtoproceed.JohnfromEngineeringiscertainthatXis theonlywaytoresolvetheproductissuebutJanefromSalesisconvincedthatthecustomerwill acceptnothingshortofY.

Thisisaclassicexampleoftwoparties,eachofwhomhavelegitimateconcerns,lockedinadispute

thatofferslittlechanceforahappyending.IftheymoveforwardwithX,Janeloses;iftheymove

forwardwithY,Johnloses;andiftheyreacha'compromise,'bothJaneandJohnwillhavelost.

TheproblemisthatJaneandJohnareadvocatingforthewrongthing.Insteadofadvocatingforthe fulfillmentoftheir respectiveneeds,JohnandJanehaveslippedinto advocating for aparticular meansbywhichto meettheir respectiveneeds.Andaslong astheconversationcontinuesto be framedintermsoftheseparticularmeans(i.e.,XandY),therewillbeconflict,hardfeelings,and sub-optimaloutcomes.

However,onceJohnandJaneshiftthefocusoftheconversationtotheirrespectiveneeds,theywill

immediatelyceaseoperatingasadversariesandbeginoperatingaspartners.Insteadofadvocatingfor

XandY,JohnwilladvocateforfindingasolutionthatwillnotraiseEngineering'sunitcostwhile

Janeadvocatesforfindingasolutionthatwillsatisfytheclient'sstandardsforreliability.XandYmay

stillproveusefulasstartingpointsfortheconversation.

Forexample,JanemayrespondwithalistofclientneedsthatwouldnotbemetbyXandJohncan respondswithalistofengineeringneedsthatwouldnotbemetbyY--openingacollaborativespace inwhichJaneandJohncanworktowardabreakthroughsolutionthatmeetsbothpartiesneeds. Failing abreakthroughsolution,JohnandJanecanusethedilemmato clarifytheorganization's prioritiesandvalues--andmoveforwardwithaZthatisawinfortheWEofwhichJohnandJaneare nowapart.

ThenexttimeyoufindyourselfrelatingtosomeoneinyourWEasiftheywerea'them,'checktosee

ifthetwoofyouarelockedinanargumentovermeansratherthanacollaborationoverneeds.Ifthe

answeris'yes,'tryshiftingthefocusoftheconversationfrommeanstoneedsbysayingsomething

alongthelinesof:

"Itseemslikeyouwanttofindasolutionthatwilladdressengineering'sneedtokeepcostsdown

whileIwanttofindasolutionthataddressesourclient'sneedforincreasedreliability.Whatideasdo

youhaveformeetingbothoftheseneeds?"

Ifyoudon'tknowwhatneedstheotherpartyistryingtomeet,ask:

"I'dliketofindasolutionthatworksforeveryone.You'vesaidthatXwouldnotworkforyou.Would

youbewillingtosaywhatneedsofyourswouldnotbemetbyX?"

Ifyou'restuck,thinkabouthowyoucouldexpandtheWE:

"Whocouldhelpusgeneratesomenewideasonthis?"

"Theclient'sengineerseemedtohaveagoodgraspoftheproblem.Doyouthinkhewouldbewilling

toworkwithustofindasolution?"

Ifthislastsuggestionsoundsabitunorthodox,considerthecompetitiveadvantagesofoperatinga

businessinwhichyourcustomersaswellasyoursuppliersconsiderthemselvespartofthesameWE.

Rule34

WeAreWhatWeWrite

DeborahDumaine

Weworksohardtocreateapositiverelationship,butitcanbedamagedinamomentwitha

thoughtlessmessage.

Creating a great organizational climate has a silent challenge: the written word.In this age of globalization,wehavebegunmanagingandcollaboratingmoreinwritingandlessinperson.Your

wordsrepresentyouoncomputerscreens24/7.Theyshouldinstantlyevokethewarmandcollegial

WErelationshipsyoudesire.Yourreadersshouldfeelyourpresenceinprint--thepersonbehindthe

message,behindthebusiness.

Sometimesweactwiththoughtlessurgencyandwriteemailssuchas,"Where'smyanswer?Didn't yougetmyemail?"Orweforgettoaddafriendly,humantouch.Thereactiontosuchacareless message can be fear or irritation, setting up the working relationship to fail.Cooperation and teamworkaresuccessfullybuiltonhowyoupresentyourselfinthewrittenword,especiallytoday whenwemaynevermeetsomeofourcolleaguesface-to-face.

Whichmessagewouldyouprefertoreceive?

Whichmessagewouldyouprefertoreceive? Yourresponsetothisproblemwaswayoffbase! Canyouexplainthis???

Yourresponsetothisproblemwaswayoffbase!

Canyouexplainthis???

Pleasehelpmetounderstandourhandlingofthisissue.

Whichencouragesdefensiveness?WhichencouragescollaborationandWE?Weworksohardto

createapositiverelationship,butitcanbedamagedinamomentwithathoughtlessmessage.The

nexttimeyouwrite,tryfollowingtheprocessbelowtocreateWEinyourwriting.

Beginwithaplan

Beforeyoustarttowrite,focuson;WhyamIwriting?DoIhavetoaskforsomethingorrecommend

something?

Thenconsideryourreaders:Whatinformation,andhowmuchinformation,dotheyneedfromyou,

givenwhatyouwantfromthem?Arelationshipisborn--andit'sWE,notME.

Nowwrite

Notfrombeginningtoend,likeanovel,butfromwhat'simportant:whatyouwant,whyyouwantit,

andsoon.Yourreadersareinahurry--don'taskthemtospendtimetryingtounderstandyourpoint.

What'sin,what'sout?

Givethemeverythingtheyneedandnothingmore,exceptgoodmanners:"Please,""Thankyou,"and apositivetoneaboutthegreatresultsyou'llachievetogether.Whereyou'vebeenbearsmentioning, butonlyafter wordsthatinspire.Whatwentwrong inthepastisnothing comparedto thesteps leadingtoabetterfuture.

Walkaway--thencomeback

Whenyou'redonewriting something important,re-readit,listening to your ownvoice.Didyou speakwiththekindofformalityreservedforastatefunction?Ordidyouhonortherelationship(the WE),bycreatingalevelplayingfieldwithsimpleanddirectwordsthatallowyourreaderstosail throughyourmessage?

Thefinalcheck

throughyourmessage? Thefinalcheck Did you consider the relationship of your words to your

Did you consider the relationship of your words to your venue: keywords for the web, acronymsdefinedasneeded,andunderstandableabbreviationsfortextingandIM? Areyoursentenceslong,passive,andfullofancient,worn-outphrasinglike'Ithascometo myattention'?Oraretheyactiveandmostlylimitedtotwolines? Areyourparagraphssixlinesorfewer?Ifnot,breakthemup;considerbullets,numbers,or links. Didyouputvividheadlines abovekeyparagraphs,suchas 'Recommendation,' 'Suggested Deadline'or'ActionRequested'?Yourheadlinesshouldtellthestory. Spelling,grammar(includingrun-onsandpassivevoice),punctuation--checkthemall.Don't appearsloppy!

Messagesent,relationshipsecure:You'redone!

Rule35

BeElegantlyInclusive

Seek0%objectionNOT100%agreement.

CharlesJonesand

WhitakerRaymond

Sometimes meetings turn into unfriendly tennis matches, drawn out consensus building extravaganzas,andwecan'tseehowtostopthemwithoutpeoplefeelingunheardorexcluded.

Situation#1:Sharonwasstrugglingtounderstandhowshehadbecomeaspectatorinameetingshe

hadcalled.Shehadaskedtheaccountmanagerandaccountsreceivableclerktocomebytodiscuss

whytheRamseyaccountwassixmonthsoverdue.Allshereallywantedtoknowwashowtheywould

preventthisfromhappeninginthefuture.Whatshegotinsteadofadecision,wasanincreasingly

heatedtennismatchbetweentheaccountmanagerandaccountsreceivableclerkaboutwhattheother

shouldhavedonedifferently.

Situation#2: Johninvitedhis team of sevento participate ina decision.Truthis,this was his

decisiontomake,andifhewasn'tsoworriedabouttakingabeatingonhisnext360fornotbeing

'inclusive'enough,hewouldhavemadehisdecisionandsentitoutasaninformtotherestofthe committee.Heallocated20minutes to reachconsensus andheretheywere,40minutes into the meetingstillwithnodecisioninsight.Tokillsometime,hecalculatedhowmuchitwascostingthe companytohaveallsevenoftheminthisroomforanhour.

Situation#3:Janewascertainthatifsheheardyetonemorepersonoffertheirrationaleforwhy

theysupportedTom'sproposal,shewasgoingtoscream!Andyetsheknewfrompastexperiencethat

ifsheinterruptedthecurrent'lovefest,'shewouldbeaccusedoftryingtorailroadthemeeting.If

onlysomeonewouldcallheronhermobilesoshecouldexcuseherselffromthemeetingandget

backtobeingproductive!Itisconversationslikethesethatgive'WE's'abadname.What'simportant

tounderstandabouttheseconversationsisthattherearereallytwoagendasatwork:

MakingdecisionsthatenablethecollectiveWEtomoveforward.

Meetingtheneedsoftheindividual'I's'tohavetheirconcernsconsideredandtheirideasheard.

Failuretomanagebothagendasskillfullycanleadtodisintegrationoftherelationshipsamongthe

'I's'and/orfailureoftheWEtoachieveitsgoals.Herearesometipsforholdingefficientmeetingsin

environmentsthatvaluebothefficiencyandinclusiveness:

Establishthedecisiontobemade.Intheexampleabove,Sharonwasaskingfortroublewhen shephrasedtheagendaitemas"DiscusstheRamseysituation"--whichopenedthedoor for discussionsaboutanythingandeverything.

Instead,hadSharonphrasedheragendaitemas"HavingdiscoveredthattheRamseyaccountis

sixmonthsinarrears,whatactionswillwetake?"themeeting wouldhavegeneratedjoint

sixmonthsinarrears,whatactionswillwetake?"themeeting wouldhavegeneratedjoint recommendationsinsteadofdestroyingtherelationships.

Clarifyupfront what input isexpected.Intheexampleabove,Johnframedthegoalas reachingconsensus--effectivelyensuringalengthydebate.Hadheclarifiedupfrontthatthis washisdecisionandthatwhatheneededwasperspectivesfor influencinghisdecision,he mighthaveavoidedtheconflicts.Inreflectionherealizedthathedidn'tneedinputfromtwoof theinviteesandthatthebestwaytogatherthisinformationfromtheremainingfolkswouldbe throughone-on-oneconversations.

Seek0%objectionNOT100%agreement.Intheexampleabove,Sharoncouldhaveturned

her frustration into forward motion by asking:"Is there anyone who has an objection to movingforwardwithTom'sproposal?"Ifnot,thediscussioncouldmovetonextsteps.Ifyes, peoplecouldspendtheirtimecomingupwithalternativesolutionsinsteadofwastingtheir time'pilingon.'

Followtherecommendationsaboveandyouwillbepracticingtheartof"beingelegantlyinclusive"--

anincreasingvaluableskillinorganizationsthatplacesahighvalueonbothinclusionandefficiency.

SectionVII

ExpandBelief

Systemsand

Perspectives

Rule36:ThinkandAct"BIGWE,littleme"

Rule37:TrumpetsforSuccess

Rule38:LookBacktoLookForward

Rule39:LookatWE,NotMe

Rule40:FocusOnWhatWorks

Rule41:CreateaSharedVisionfortheFuture

Rule42:TheseareOurRules.WhatareYours?

Rule36

ThinkandAct"BIGWE,littleme"

BudBilanich

Whileweallhavetotakeresponsibilityforourselvesandoursuccessinthislife,weneedtodoso

inawaythathonorsthevariouswholesofwhichweareapart.

Thinking and acting "BIG WE, little me" is not about denying yourself, your needs, or your individuality.Itisaboutrealizingthatyouarepartofawholethatisgreaterthanyou.Weallare.We aremembersoffamilies,communities,workorganizationsandsocieties.Whileweallhavetotake responsibilityforourselvesandoursuccessinthislife,weneedtodosoinawaythathonorsthe variouswholesofwhichweareapart.

TheI-centricthinkingthatledusintothegreatestfinancialcrisissincethegreatdepressionisan

exampleoftheoppositeofthisrule.Itis"BIGME,littlewe"thinkingtothemaximum."I'llgetmine;

youneedtowatchoutforyourself."

"BIG WE,littleme"thinking ontheother hand,comesfrom aperspectiveof"We'reall inthis together.Ineedtotakecareofmyselfinamannerthatenhancesthegreatergood."

It'snoteasytoapproachlifefroma"BIGWE,littleme"perspective.Weseetheexactoppositeevery day. Companies play budgetary games. They pay a premium for temporary workers who fill necessaryslotsintheirworkforce.Theydothisbecausetemporaryworkersareavariablecostthat caneasilybeeliminated,andlookbetteronthebalancesheet.

Managersargueamongthemselvesaboutwhichdepartmentshouldabsorbcoststhatbenefittheentire organization. They do this because they are more worried about their department's budget performancethanthefinancialperformanceoftheircompany.Individualssaythingslike,"It'snotmy fault,butit'shers.Isentheranemail,shenevergotbacktomewiththeinformationIneededto completethisassignment."Theydothisbecausetheyaremoreinterestedintheirownperformance ratingthantheyareintheperformanceoftheircompany.

ThesearerealexamplesthatplayouteverydayinUScompanies,whicharetheresultof"BIGME, little we" thinking. It takes courage to change this type of mindset. It begins with personal responsibility.Ifsomeonedoesn'trespondtoyourrequestinatimelymanner,callorvisithimorher. Explaintheurgencyofyourneed.Helphimorherunderstand.Offertohelphimorherdownthe road.That's"BIGWE,littleme"thinkinginaction.

In '42 Rules to Jumpstart Your Professional Success,' I discuss the importance of mentors and mentoring. Mentors, by definition, embody "BIG WE, little me" thinking. Most often they are successfulpeoplewhoarewillingtogiveofthemselves,theirtimeandenergytohelpotherslearn andgrow.Throughtheirefforts,theynotonlyhelpindividualsdevelopandsucceed,theystrengthen theirorganizationsandcommunities.

Youcandemonstrate"BIGWE,littleme"thinkingbybecomingamentor yourself.It'snever too earlytobecomeamentor.Weallhavesomethingtogive.Thesooneryoubegingiving,thebetter.If you'reincollege,youcanmentorhighschoolstudents.Ifyou'rearecentgraduate,youcanmentor othersstillinschool.Ifyou'vebeeninyour jobfor ayear or two,youcanmentor abrandnew colleague.Mentoringisagreatwaytoserveothersandyourorganization;anditisagreatwayto demonstrateyour"BIGWE,littleme"attitude.

In'TheDifferentDrum:Community-MakingandPeace,'ScottPeckoffersagreatexampleofthe

"BIGWE,littleme"concept.Hecallsit"truecommunity,"characterizedby"deeprespectandtrue

listeningfortheneedsoftheotherpeople."Noticethathedoesnotsuggestthatpeoplesubjugatetheir

ownwantsandneeds,onlythattheypaycloserattentiontothewantsandneedsofthepeoplearound

them.Whenyoudothisconsistently,youarea"BIGWE,littleme"person,andanassettoyourself,

yourorganization,andyourcommunity.

Rule37

TrumpetsforSuccess

JerryManas

Isn't'WE'reallyaboutpeopleonateamhavingtheirprioritiesstraight,whetherornotsomeone

is"steeringtheship?"

Whenwethinkoforganizationswheretheemployeesseemtoshareasimilarattitude,andhavetheir

prioritiesclear,it'shardnottothinkoftheWaltDisneyCompany.Anyonewhohasvisitedanyofthe

DisneythemeparksknowsthataDisneycastmember(asallDisneyemployeesarecalled)iswell-

trained,courteous,alwaysincharacter,andefficient.Ioftenwonderedwhatwentonbehindthescenes

atDisney,soIdecidedtotakesomeworkshopswiththeDisneyInstitute.

Therewereanumber ofeye-openers,butoneofthemostvaluablelessonswasalso oneofthe simplest.Insteadoffancyandcomplicatedpolicymanuals,Disneyreliesonsimplethingsthatstickin people'sminds.Oneofthesetoolsiswhattheycallprioritizedservicequalitystandards.Theyare,in order:

Safetyprioritizedservicequalitystandards .Theyare,in order: Courtesy Show Efficiency

Courtesyprioritizedservicequalitystandards .Theyare,in order: Safety Show Efficiency

Show.Theyare,in order: Safety Courtesy Efficiency

Efficiency.Theyare,in order: Safety Courtesy Show

DisneycastmembersaretaughtthatSafetytrumpseverything.Courtesyisthenextmostimportant

priority.Castmembersmustbecourteous,butnotifitmeansoverlookingsafety.Afterthatcomes

Show(i.e.beingincharacter;andcreatingtheperceptionthateverythingisreal).It'simportantto

maintaintheDisneyimage,providedthatitdoesn'tgetinthewayofsafetyorcourtesy.Last,butstill

important,isEfficiency.Disneyisknownfortheirefficiency,butsafety,courtesy,andshowmust

comefirst.ThissimplelistofprioritiesisinstinctivetoallDisneycastmembers.

Here'showthislistmightplayout.Ifachildwereaboutto fallfromaplatform,aDisneycast memberwouldinstinctivelyruntohelp,regardlessofwhetherheorshewashelpingaguest,orhad togo"outofcharacter"toaddressthesafetyissue.Likewise,ifaridecouldbemademoreefficient butitwouldmaketheridersfeelrushed,or woulddetractfromtheexperience,themodification wouldbenixedbyDisney.

AsDisneyknows,whenpeopleareimmersedintheirwork,theyareoftentoobusytoremember complicated rules or mission statements. Instead they need a simple reminder of what the key prioritiesarethatshouldguidetheiractions.Ideally,thisshouldbenomorethanthreeorfouritems, inorderofimportance.Thisgivespeoplerealguidancewhenmakingindependentdecisions.And let'sfaceit;wedon'twantpeopletobedependentonmanagementforeverydecision.

Whentrying to achieveaWE-centricculture,it's importantto driveconsistentandvalue-driven

behaviors,whether or notmanagementispresent.Suchclearlydefinedandsimplestandardshelp guidepeople'sactionsanddiminishtheneedtoalwaysaskasuperiorfordirections.

Let'sapplythisconcepttoasoftwareprojectforinstance.Let'ssaywehadasoftwaredevelopment

teamandwehadsetthreeprioritizedservicestandards:

Easeofuseteamandwehadsetthreeprioritizedservicestandards: Easeofmaintenance Performance Software developers

Easeofmaintenanceteamandwehadsetthreeprioritizedservicestandards: Easeofuse Performance Software developers

PerformanceEaseofuse Easeofmaintenance Software developers wouldknowinstinctivelywhattheir

Software developers wouldknowinstinctivelywhattheir priorities shouldbe.The productmust performwell,butnotattheexpenseofbeingmaintainable,andcertainlynotattheexpenseofbeing easytouse.

Thesearejustafewexamplesofthemanywaysprioritizedservicestandardscanbemorepowerful

thananymissionstatement.Suchstandardsaresimple,easytoremember,andaboveall,actionable.

Forfartoolong,we'vereliedonmissionstatementsandvaluestatementsinawellintentionedattempt

tocreateaWEspirit.Butisn't'WE'reallyaboutpeopleonateamhavingtheirprioritiesstraight,

whetherornotsomeoneis"steeringtheship?"Prioritizedstandardsenablethattohappen.

Rule38

LookBacktoLookForward

JudithE.Glaser

Whenyouaregazingbackatyourlife,payattentiontofindingexperiencesthatinspireyouwith

passionandexcitement.

Inwhatdirectiondoweholdourvision?Wehave360degreestoworkwith,butwheredoweputour

attention?

Thestudyofattention,andhowitimpactsuseverydayofourlifehasbeenalifelongfascination.

Newdevelopmentsinneurosciencearegivinguscluesaboutattentionthataresuggestinghowweuse

ourattentioncanchangethehardwiringofthebrainradicallyandforthebetter.Ifwelearntopay

attentiontoourattention,wecanevencreatetransformationsthatdefyourgreatestexpectations.

MyfirstlessononattentioncamefromLarry,a24-year-oldmentallychallengedadultlivingatthe

BessStoneCenter,aresidentialhomeformentallydisabledadultsinLawrence,Kansas.

LarryandImetonmyfirstdayofwork.Hewasverytallandverythin.Perhapsthemoststriking

featureofhisappearancewasthewidesuspendersheworetoholduphispants.Histeethprotruded

andhisheadwasoversized.

"HisnameisLarry,"MaryJeansaidtome."Heis24buthasthemindofa2-year-old."Hedoesn't

talk,hejustgrunts.Asshespokethosewords,hisheadtiltedandIimmediatelyknewheunderstood

herharshwords.Larrylookeddifferent,andeventhoughhisoutwardappearancewasunusual,itwas

clearthattherewasmuchwisdomthatlaybeneathLarry'ssurface,afactthatIwasabouttolearn.

Larry,whodidnotpossesstheabilitytocommunicatethroughwordswithothers,puthistalentsto

workandmadeaninvention.Byinsertingthe'foil'fromtheinsideofaketchupbottletopintoa

clothespin,Larrywasabletogazeintothesmallfoil'rearviewmirror'forafullyencompassing

viewoftheworld.

Larryusedhisinventionandattentiontowatchthemanwhocametopolishourfloorsonceaweek.

Larrywatchedtheupmotionandthedownmotioninhismirror,andoncehismindmappedthe

rhythm,heimitatedfloorpolishingevenwhenthepolisherwasnotthere.Iaskedhimifhewantedto

tryitoutandsureenough,Larrybecamethebestfloorpolisherever.

Hepolishedfloorseveryday.Thenhetookmeoutsideandmotionedwithhisarmshewantedto

polishthegrass.Afteritclickedin,Irealizedhewantedtotransferhisnewfoundskillstolearnto

mowthegrass.Andhedid,hebecamethebestgrassmowerwehadeverseen!

Larry'senergyandpassionforlearningbecamecontagious.Soonenough,everyonebecamealivein anewway.Berthawantedtoplaythepiano,andshedid,inher ownway.Albertwantedtohave

'moneyinhispocket'andsoMaryBethgavehimmoneytocarrytothestoreforfoodshopping.

Markwantedtobuildahouse,andsowegavehimwoodtobuildaminiaturehousewhichuponits

completionwasdonatedbytheBessStoneCentertoits'sisterhome'formentallydisabledchildren.

ThelocalnewspaperheardaboutthechangeatBessStoneandcameintowriteafeaturestory,which

wentontogreatlyinspireoursmalltowninKansas.

Larrytaughtusallaboutlookingbacktolookforward.Whenyouaregazingbackatyourlife,pay

attentiontofindingexperiencesthatinspireyouwithpassionandexcitement--andloandbehold,they

willhelpyouattendtothefutureinnewways.

ExerciseyourLookingBacktoLookForwardskillswithothers. Whatyoupayattentiontodrivesyourintention.

Useyour360-degreemirrortofindmemoriesthatigniteyourpassion.

Sharethosememorieswithothers,asLarrytaughtustodo,andwatchyourlifetransform.

Whenweputourattentiononwhatgivesuspassion,wecatalyzegrowthinourselvesand

triggertheGrowthInstinctinothers.

Rule39

LookatWE,NotMe

JaneM.Hewson

Teammembersexcelledintheirindividualassignmentsbecausethedefinitionfortheirsuccess

wasshapedbyconnectivityandcollectivepurpose.

Success is oftenmeasuredbyour abilityto achieve goals while working withothers.Yetwhen workinginthecontextofateam,westilltendtoperceivesuccessusingindividualsetsofcriteria.In ordertobridgethisgap,WE-centricleadersmustbuildframeworksfortheirteamsthatcreatetensile strengthandestablishfreshnewbenchmarksforsuccess.

Learningtoseethecommonalityofviewsandapproachesinteamscanbechallengingformanyof

us.Evenacknowledgingthatateamapproachismorepowerfulthananindividualapproachcanbe

difficult.Mostofuscometoeachnewbusinesssettingwithapredispositionofwhatsuccesslooks

like.

Forexample,thedisciplinesofMarketing,IT,FinanceandProductDevelopmentoftenfunctionina

parallelconfiguration.Withtraditionalbenchmarks,aChiefMarketingOfficermaydefinesuccessas

increasedmarketshare.AnITheadmaydefineitasthesuccessfullaunchofthreetechnologysupport

services.TheCFOmaytellyouthatcostcontainmentmeanssuccess.Theproductdevelopermay

labeltheintroductionofthreenewconsumerproductsassuccess.Howcaneachdisciplinelearnto

seeitselfinthecontextoftheother,andinthecontextofthegoaltheyarealltryingtoachieve?

Amanagement-consulting firm wentaboutdeveloping a newline of service for its clients in a powerful way. The senior management assembled a team of players across the five primary administrative disciplines.Aprojectleader introduced the goals and marketdrivers of the new service branch to her colleagues. She asked each colleague to consider what their respective disciplinescouldcontributetotheflowandqualityoftheservice.Fromtheoutset,theprojectleader createdacollectiveandbalancedapproachfortheteam,placingeachparticipantonanequalfooting, thuscreatingaWE-centricviewoftheassignment.

Theprojectleaderusedasimplevisualtorepresenttheframeworkoftheteam:thehubandspokesof

awheel,aframeworkforprogrammaticplanningthatevenlyweightsallthedisciplinesattheleader's

fingertips.TheHub-and-SpokeApproach(c)toteamworkplacestheclient'sneedatthehub,from

whichradiatethecreativityandskillsprovidedbytheteammembersresponsibleforsuccessfully

deliveringtheservice.

Theteamworkgraphicquicklycommunicatedtoeachteammemberthatsuccesswouldbeachieved

Theteamworkgraphicquicklycommunicatedtoeachteammemberthatsuccesswouldbeachieved

bycreatingabalancedconnectionofviewpoints,alllinkedtotheendclient.Teammembersexcelled

intheirindividualassignmentsbecausethedefinitionfortheirsuccesswasshapedbyconnectivityand

collectivepurpose.

Theywereinspiredtoconsiderhowtheirspokesrelatedtoothersinthewheel:

AmIplacingtoomuchweightonmyviewpoint?

HaveIshapedmythinkingtoblendwellwithothers?

AmIprovidingadequatesupport?

Ihaveheardsaidthatteamworkisthefuelthatallowscommonpeopletoachieveuncommonresults.

Thinkofthetensilestrengthpossiblewhenleadersensurethateachteammemberseessuccessas

evenlyinterdependent,drawingstabilityfrommultipledisciplines,andshiftingtheirviewpointsfrom

'me'toWE.

Rule40

FocusOnWhatWorks

LisaGiruzziand

NancyRing

Peoplearefreetochallengethemselvesandgiveittheirall

theygointothepotentialsuccessqueuewaitingtheirturntosucceed.

Evenfailuresoccurdifferently;

Atanygivenmomentwecanchoosewherewefocusourattentionandourenergy.Wecanfocuson

what'sworkingorwhat'snot;ourstrengthsorourweaknesses;whatgivesusenergyorwhatdrains

it.Weknowintuitivelythatwhatwefocusongrows.Inotherwords,themorewegivesomething

attention,themoreofitwesee.

Haveyoueverboughtanewcar?Onceyoubuyit,asifbymagic,allyouseearecarssimilarto yours.Thefactisthosecarswerealwaysthere,youjustdidn'tpayanyattentionto them.Here's anotherillustrationofthisconcept:whichwouldyouratherhave?Thegolfcoachwhotellsyoutohit theballstraightdownthefairwayortheonewhosays,"Don'thititinthewoods?"Greatathletes focusonmakingtheshot,notonnotmissingit.

Choosingtofocusonwhatworkshasaverydifferentimpactonresultsandone'sexperiencethanthe moretraditional'what'swrong'approach.Whenyoufocusonwhatworksitcreatesanenvironment wherepeople'sstrengthsaremaximized,therebyallowingthemtobuildconfidenceandmastery.This boost in confidence increases willingness and ability to take risks which positively impacts innovationandcreativity.

Inthistypeofculture,peoplearefreeto challengethemselvesandgiveittheir all.Peoplehave permissiontobegreatandallowotherstorevealtheirowngreatness.Evenfailuresoccurdifferently; theygointothepotentialsuccessqueuewaitingtheirturntosucceed.

In this atmosphere, creating WEis natural.Individuals getto shine inside the WE.There is no defensiveness,noneedtomakeotherswrongbecauseeveryoneisrightwhentheyarevaluedfor theiruniquesetoftalentsandstrengths.Peopleconnectonadeeperlevelforminginterdependent relationships,eachabletoseetheiressentialcontributiontothewhole.

Acivillitigationfirm,whichhadbeeninbusinessfornineyears,wasstrugglingtoattractnewclients

andeffectivelymanagethecasestheyhad.Interviewsoffirmmembersrevealedadeficitstyleof

managementthatsoughtto'improveweaknesses'toincreaseproductivity.

Throughcoaching andtraining,weintroducedandimplementedanappreciativeapproach,which focusesonwhatworks.Oncetheyshiftedtheirfocusfromweaknessestostrengths,theymadehuge strides.

The results were outstanding. Individuals identified their strengths and work was distributed

accordingly.Attorneysthentookonmoreoftheworktheyloved,therebyincreasingproductivity. Additionally, the firm identified its strengths, which enabled them to distinguish their niche and dramaticallyincreasetheirabilitytoattractnewclients.

Wheneveryonewasenabledtofocusontheirstrengths,thewholetrulybecamegreaterthanthesum

ofitsparts.Conversely,tryingtofixweaknesseslessenedthewhole'sabilitytofunction.Imaginean

enginemadeupoffaultyparts:itjustwon'trunwell.

Creatingprofoundresultscanbeassimpleasshiftingyourfocusfromweaknessestostrengths.Here

aresomewaystodothat:

Weakness-Focused

Strength-Focused

Focusonfixing'what'swrong'

Focuson'highpoint'stories;theideal

Studyfailurestodiscovercause

Studysuccesstodiscernwhatworks

Worktoimproveweaknessesofindividuals

Worktoenhancestrengthsofindividuals

Right/wrongmanagementapproach

Managementopentoexplorevarious

approaches

Individualistic/'I-Centric'

Interdependentrelationshipsencouraged,'WE-

Centric'

Compartmentalizedculture/silo

Membersessentialcontributiontowhole

recognized

Energyspentavoidingwhattheorganization

Energyspentcreatingwhattheorganization

doesn'twant

wants

Rule41

CreateaSharedVisionfor