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Nancy Cao
Anya Connelly
English 5
2 August 2016
Reading Sucks... Right?
In America, growing up in a household whose primary language is not English does not
always work to my advantage. Vietnamese was my first language, and shortly after I was taught
to speak English by my older sisters. It was easier to learn English because it is everywhere- on
television, labels, signs, and newspapers. The only time I would be exposed to Vietnamese is
when I spoke to my mom and my grandma. This constant and excessive exposure to English
created a divide between my language and culture. If I spend too much time speaking English,
then I would lose my ability to speak Vietnamese, but if I spend too much time speaking
Vietnamese, then I will have trouble speaking English. When I was three, my mom admitted me
into pre-school for two years so I could learn how to read and write in English. And by my
second year in pre-school, I was golden; I could read, write, and speak in English perfectly fine. I
was always confident in my speaking, reading, and writing abilities until I started Kindergarten.
Once I started school, I began to encounter discouraging experiences that stunted my growth as a
reader and writer, which made me feel like I was not good enough. Trying to balance Vietnamese
and English and the lack of reading caused my loss in confidence, and this affected my
development.
When I started kindergarten, I moved from a diverse school in South Sacramento to a less
diverse, predominantly white elementary school in Elk Grove. At this new school, certain
students would be sent out of class to receive extra help, and this made it easier for the bullies to

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target their victims. One day, I was sent out of class and taken by the teacher that helped the
slower kids, and every kid knew who this teacher was. This was humiliating because I knew I
was not one of those kids that needed help. I thought to myself there must be some kind of
mistake. She began to talk to me slowly and test my English. I already knew all the English a
kindergartener should know, so I did not understand why she began to do a series of incredibly
easy tests on me. As I passed each one, the teacher and I were both confused why I was being
sent away from class to learn how to read and write in English when I obviously knew how to do
it. Is my reading and writing bad? Did my teacher assume that my English was not good because
I am bilingual? Was my English not good enough? After that incident, I felt my confidence in
reading and writing plummet and this discouraged me because I did not think I was good enough
anymore. I assumed that English was no longer one of my strong suits and this lack of
confidence moved on into my next few years of elementary school.
Every year at my elementary school, students must take the S.T.A.R. test to see where they
place in each subject: math and English. I always scored lower in the English test than math. Due
to these test scores, I assumed that math was my strength and reading and writing was my
weakness. Every year, I always tried to score higher in the English section, but I believe that
subconsciously I did not have faith in myself so I never improved. Eventually, my confidence
began to fade away faster in elementary school when I was forced to stop reading. When I was in
the third grade, the Elk Grove Unified School District had to decide how to save money due to
budget cuts, so they decided to shut down the schools library. I loved to read and I would read
all night and get in trouble for not sleeping. As a child, the library being shut down did not seem
like a big deal to me, but in actuality this started a domino effect of bad habits for the next few
years. I became very disengaged into reading and I did not see it as fun anymore. Instead, I saw

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reading as a boring chore that I had to do because I was told so by my teacher. I did not have the
chance to read what I wanted, and this formed an obnoxious teen that would never listen.
My obnoxious teen phase led on into middle school English class where I was assigned to read a
collection of novels during the term, but I did not pick up one novel nor did I do the notes on the
readings. I was dedicated into being a bad egg and cause mischief for my teachers. I hated the
fact that teachers forced me to read books, so I would not bother myself to read a book that does
not matter to me. I was okay with the zeros on my assignments and failing all the reading quizzes
because I grew to hate and resent reading. I was not challenging my reading and writing abilities,
nor was I interested in challenging myself which caused me to plateau. As my grades were
dropping, so was my confidence in my reading and writing skills, and it made me think that I
was not good enough and I never will be good enough.
When I started high school I wanted to do better, but I faced the same issues in English
class. I tried force myself to read the novels and the textbook readings, but I could not get myself
to do it. I wanted to get better grades and I wanted to try and challenge myself, but the novels
were so dull to me. Then, the next term I had a class called Academic Literacy and in that class
you have to read for an hour and a half. This class sounded like my worst nightmare and I
wanted to get out of it, but there was no way to get out of this one because it is a graduation
requirement. One day, we went to the schools library, and the teacher set us free to pick any
novel we wanted to read. This amazed me. Do I really get to read anything I want instead of
being forced to read a novel for curriculum? Since I got to choose my own novels, I felt more
free and willing to read for the class. I read books that I could relate to at the moment or caught
my attention like The Perks of being a Wallflower, Its Kind of a Funny Story, Thirteen Reasons
Why, Lovely Bones, Howls Moving Castle, Paper Towns, The Fault in our Stars. I remember

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reading The Fault in our Stars and falling in love with the character Augustus, but unfortunately
he passes away. I felt my heart shatter. I even cried for fifteen minutes. And after crying for
fifteen minutes, I called my friend, who also read the book, and cried for another fifteen minutes
asking, Why did John Green do this to me? Why didnt he try to ease into his death? The
chapter literally starts with Augustus dies. I have never read a book that evoked so much
feeling and emotion out of me. I have never been so devastated because a fictional character died
in a book. Augustus is not even real, but that did not stop me from crying for thirty minutes. This
was when I began to appreciate reading. I was finishing book after book and by the end of the
term, I read over ten choice novels and my love for reading was rekindled. This class taught me
how to like reading again and how to analyze my novels in depth which helped my confidence
grow. This encouraged me to start reading the assigned novels and I slowly began to like reading
for English class. I enjoyed reading novels and doing projects on Of Mice and Men, To Kill a
Mockingbird, The Catcher in the Rye, Their Eyes were Watching God, The Great Gatsby. After
learning how to properly analyze readings, my essay writing skills and projects received really
high grades. I received compliments on my essays by my teachers, and my papers were always
used as examples. I became much more involved in English class, which encouraged me to start
taking honors English courses.
When I became a more passionate reader, I could see myself progressing and evolving
into a more knowledgeable person. All of this time, I believed that reading and writing was not
one of my strengths as a student, but that was not true. My Cs in English class turned into As
and I scored higher on English and writing on my SATs than math. My discouraging
experiences stunted my growth in my reading and writing, and this made me feel like I was not
good enough. Balancing two languages and the lack of reading caused my loss in confidence,

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and this affected my development as a reader and writer. Now that I have grown more
confidence, I have matured into a better reader and writer and I see the value and importance in
reading and writing.