Happiness Practice #1: Three Good Things

Background
This exercise asks you to remember and list three positive things that have
happened in your day so far and consider what caused them.
Time required
10 minutes/day for at least one week.
Instructions
Each day for at least one week, write down three things that went well for you that
day, and provide an explanation for why they went well. It is important to create a
physical record of your items by writing them down; it is not enough simply to do
this exercise in your head. The items can be relatively small in importance (e.g.,
my co-worker made the coffee today) or relatively large (e.g., I earned a big
promotion). To make this exercise part of your daily routine, some find that writing
before bed is helpful.
As you write, follow these instructions:
1.

Give the event a title (e.g., co-worker complimented my work on a project)

2.

Write down exactly what happened in as much detail as possible, including

what you did or said and, if others were involved, what they did or said.

3.

Include how this event made you feel at the time and how this event made
you feel later (including now, as you remember it).

4.

Explain what you think caused this eventwhy it came to pass.

5.

Use whatever writing style you please, and do not worry about perfect
grammar and spelling. Use as much detail as you'd like.

6.

If you find yourself focusing on negative feelings, refocus your mind on the
good event and the positive feelings that came with it. This can take effort but gets
easier with practice and can make a real difference in how you feel.

Evidence that it works

Seligman, M. E., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology
progress: empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410.
Visitors to a website received instructions for performing this exercise and four
others. Writing about three good things increased happiness for each time point
during a six-month period (immediately afterward and one week, one month, three
months, and six months later).
Why it works
By giving you the space to focus on the positive, this practice teaches you to notice,
remember, and savor the better things in life. It may prompt you to pay closer
attention to positive events down the road and engage in them more fullyboth in
the moment and later on, when you can reminisce and share these experiences
with others. Reflecting on the cause of the event may help attune you to the deeper
sources of goodness in your life.
Sources
Jeffrey Huffman, M.D., Harvard Medical School
Sonja Lyubomirksy, Ph.D., University of California, Riverside

Happiness Practice #2: Active

Listening
Background
Often well listen to a conversation partner without really hearing him or her.
In the process, we miss opportunities to connect with that person--and even
risk making him or her feel neglected, disrespected, and resentful.
This exercise helps you express active interest in what the other person has
to say and make him or her feel hearda way to foster empathy and
connection. This technique is especially well-suited for difficult conversations
(such as arguments with a spouse) and for expressing support. Research

suggests that using this technique can help others feel more understood and
improve relationship satisfaction.
Time required
At least 10 minutes. Try to make time for this practice at least once per
week.
Instructions
Find a quiet place where you can talk with your partner without interruption
or distraction. Invite him or her to share whats on his or her mind. As he or
she does so, try to follow the steps below. You dont need to cover every
step, but the more you do cover, the more effective this practice is likely to
be.
1. Paraphrase. Once the other person has finished expressing a
thought, paraphrase what he or she said to make sure you understand
and to show that you are paying attention. Helpful ways to paraphrase
include What I hear you saying is It sounds like and If I
understand you right.
2. Ask questions. When appropriate, ask questions to encourage the
other person to elaborate on his or her thoughts and feelings. Avoid
jumping to conclusions about what the other person means. Instead
ask questions to clarify his or her meaning, such as, When you
say_____, do you mean_____?
3. Express empathy. If the other person voices negative feelings, strive
to validate these feelings rather than questioning or defending against
them. For example, if the speaker expresses frustration, try to
consider why he or she feels that way, regardless of whether you think
that feeling is justified or whether you would feel that way yourself
were you in his or her position. You might respond, I can sense that
youre feeling frustrated, and even I can understand how that
situation could cause frustration.
4. Use engaged body language. Show that you are engaged and
interested by making eye contact, nodding, facing the other person,
and maintaining an open and relaxed body posture. Avoid attending to
distractions in your environment or checking your phone. Be mindful of
your facial expressions: Avoid expressions that might communicate
disapproval or disgust.

5. Avoid judgment. Your goal is to understand the other persons

perspective and accept it for what it is, even if you disagree with it. Try
not to interrupt with counter-arguments or mentally prepare a rebuttal
while the other person is speaking.
6. Avoid giving advice. Problem-solving is likely to be more effective
after both conversation partners understand one anothers perspective
and feel heard. Moving too quickly into advice-giving can be
counterproductive.
7. Take turns. After the other person has had a chance to speak and
you have engaged in the active listening steps above, ask if its okay
for you to share your perspective. When sharing your perspective,
express yourself as clearly as possible using I statements (e.g., I
feel overwhelmed when you dont help out around the house). It may
also be helpful, when relevant, to express empathy for the other
persons perspective (e.g., I know youve been very busy lately and
dont mean to leave me hanging)
Evidence that it works
Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The
relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. International
Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13-31.
Participants had brief conversations (about their biggest disappointment with
their university) with someone trained to engage in active listening,
someone who gave them advice, or someone who gave simple
acknowledgments of their point of view. Participants who received active
listening reported feeling more understood at the end of the conversation.
Why it works
Active listening helps listeners better understand others perspectives and
helps speakers feel more understood and less threatened. This technique
can prevent miscommunication and spare hurt feelings on both sides. By
improving communication and preventing arguments from escalating, active
listening can make relationships more enduring and satisfying. Practicing
active listening with someone close to you can also help you listen better
when interacting with other people in your life, such as students, coworkers, or roommates.
Source

Instructions adapted from: Markman, H., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S.L.
(1994). Fighting for your marriage. San Francisco: Josey-Bass Publishers.

Happiness Practice #3: Random Acts of Kindness

Background
We all perform acts of kindness at one time or another. These acts may be
large or small, and their beneficiaries may not even be aware of them. Yet
their effects can be profoundnot only on the recipient but on the giver as
well. This exercise asks you to perform five acts of kindness in one day as a
way of both promoting kindness in the world and cultivating happiness in
yourself and others.
Time required
Varies depending on your acts of kindness. Could be anywhere from
several minutes to several hours.
Instructions
One day this week, perform five acts of kindnessall five in one day. It
doesnt matter if the acts are big or small, but it is more effective if you
perform a variety of acts.
The acts do not need to be for the same personthe person doesnt even
have to be aware of them. Examples include feeding a stranger's parking
meter, donating blood, helping a friend with a chore, or providing a meal to a
person in need.
After each act, write down what you did in at least one or two sentences; for
more of a happiness boost, also write down how it made you feel.
Evidence that it works
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K., & Schkade, D. (2005) Pursuing happiness: The
architecture of sustainable change.Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111131.

Study participants who performed five acts of kindness every week for six
weeks saw a significant boost in happiness, but only if they performed their
five acts in a single day rather than spread out over each week. This may be
because many acts of kindness are small, so spreading them out might
make them harder to remember and savor.
Why it works
Researchers believe this practice makes you feel happier because it makes
you think more highly of yourself and become more aware of positive social
interactions. It may also increase your kind, helpfulor pro-social
attitudes and tendencies toward others. Evidence suggests that variety is
key: People who perform the same acts over and over show a downward
trajectory in happiness, perhaps because any act starts to feel less special
the more it becomes routine.
Source
Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., University of California, Riverside