20 tips for women about courtship:

Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider
marriage. Until that timefoster the virtue of friendship and hold off the
romance until you are really ready for it.

Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying. A
woman might consider just dating any guy that shes attracted to as long
as she has no sense of long-term commitment. The problem arises when
shes grown attached to him after a period of time and cant bring herself to
breaking off the relationship, even when its not good. She may end up
marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Set the stakes higher
only court with a man youd consider marrying.

Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a
certain man. Courtship is dating with a purpose. If you know that you would
not consider marriage with this man, or you are not ready to consider
marriage yet, then dont enter into a courtship. Stay friends or acquaintances
for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means
you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or
that He is not. Both outcomes are valid in a courtship!

Take time through prayer to discern Gods will. You need to foster prayer in
your lives individually and as a couple. You can not know Gods will without
prayer.

Base your courtship in the family: As much as possible, spend time with each
others families. This is so importantfor if you do end up married, youll want
to get along. Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of
who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other

relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much
insight about the man with whom you are courting (and his family, about
you!) Family sees things we dont always see. Love can be blind at times
family (and friends) can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from
family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the
meantime, adopt a family (friends from Church, for example) to provide for
you all the benefits of a family-based courtship.

Items 6 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very
beginning of your courtship. (If youre starting overchanging from a dating
relationship to a courtship modelthen begin now with guidelines.) The
following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines.

Emotional Intimacy: Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a
courtship relationship head first. Give yourselves time to learn about each
other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each
other immediatelyjust because you are courting. Allow your relationship to
grow naturally. Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at
once. The problem with dumping on each other emotionally early on in a
relationship is that if you later discern that you are not called to marriage you
could have many regrets over having shared those intimate thoughts and
secrets with someone who will not be your husband. You need to be honest
with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right
away. As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing
those emotional intimacies.

Physical Intimacy: Decide what your limits will be and write them down.
Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before
marriageevery sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you
to share with each other in marriage. At that timeyou will be able to delight
in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally. And
your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting.

To kiss or not to kiss: Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT
a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting
if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines.
So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not!

Saving that first kiss: Many couples decide to leave kissing out of their
relationshipas kissing has the power to ignite their passions. They choose to
wait until the altar for their first kiss. They also might be coming out of past
relationshipswhere they are struggling to keep control over their passions.
They might be coming from a position of never having been kissed before,
and now that theyve waited this longthey want to go all the way with it!
There are a variety of reasons why some couples choose this path.

Saving that next kiss: Other couples, who have allowed for kissing in their
relationship, sometimes decide to cut it out and wait to have their next kiss
at the altarwhich could be quite a wait! But theyve seen how kissing is
stirring passions that are making it harder for them to stick to their goal of
staying pure in their relationship.

Kissing with limitations: Some couples allow for kissingbut they limit how
and when and wherewhich is wise if they want to keep it from stirring those
passions that can be so easily ignited.

Hugging: Are you allowing for huggingand in what context? Hugging is a

completely acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and
love. However, prolonged huggingwhile all alone and at times when you
might be feeling weak (like late at night)can stir passions. Just be careful
that you are guarding the context well so that it doesnt begin to undermine
your good intentions.

How, where and when you spend time alone: During courtship you obviously
will want and need to spend time alone together. But how and where are
important questions. If you are spending time alone late at night or in
complete isolation, you may just find that your resistance to temptation is
weakened. Its best to find time alone together while doing somethinggoing
for a walk, cycling, canoeing, playing sports, taking in a show or going out to
a restaurant, etc.

Avoid the near occasion of sin. This is not to say that a couple who is courting
will only stick to their goal of purity if they are NEVER alone together . . . as if
to say the only reason they resisted temptation is because they never went
near temptation. But there is a teaching that exhorts us to avoid the near
occasion of sin. We should not deliberately put ourselves in temptations
way. Hopefully, any couple who makes these resolutionseven if they were
given the opportunity to break themwouldnt break them, because they are
persons of integrity! But we are all weak at times. All it takes is one moment
of weakness (and be sure Satan will be watching for it) for you to make a
mistake that you could regret for a lifetime.

Dont give rise to scandal. But what if were not being tempted? Why
wouldnt it be alright to be off, alone, in isolation togetherfor example
staying late over at one or the others apartment alone? This is where we get
into the whole issue of giving rise to scandal. The problem a couple faces
hereeven if they are strong enough to resist all temptationis the impression
they are giving to others. So what? You may ask. Let them gossipwhat do
we care? We know were not doing anything wrong! When others perceive
you to be leading an impure life, it gives others a sense of it being okay to
not embrace purity in their own relationships. Theyll be thinking, After all,
theyre doing it and theyre a nice Christian couple. Obviously it doesnt make
any difference if we do or dont. Even though you had been embracing
purity, you still misled others to believe you werent. In this way you would
not be helping to build the body of Christ by your good example. Rather,
through the scandal you would have given rise to, you would have
inadvertently led others to sin. It is our sense of responsibility in the body of
Christ that leads us to make the necessary sacrifices for the sake of others
when we decide not to give rise to scandal.

Accountability: We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for
our actions. Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your
courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability
partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church,
friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you
trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship. They
should be able to ask you at any time how your are doingif you are keeping
your resolutionsand you need to be able to answer them honestly.

Mentoring: Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couplesideally that
would be your parents, but it is not limited to parents. These couples should
be well-versed in the Churchs teachings on marriage and the sacraments.
They should be couples who can advise you on all kinds of issues related to
marriage: finances (especially tithing), family networking, Natural Family
Planning and the gift of human sexuality, balancing work and family life and
so on.

Time to pray and time to play: Obviously prayer time is important for a couple
who is courtingas they are trying to discern Gods will for their relationship.
But a couple should never neglect to be sure to allow for play time! Have fun.
This season of life should be fun and filled with excitement and adventure.
Dont forget to make time to play.

Keep the romance alive: Remember that courtship is a time of romance.

Dont cheat yourselves out of that. Enjoy dynamic, exciting, God-glorifying
romance by seeking ways to give of yourselves to each other, to serve each
other and to show your love for each other in simple ways. Romancetrue
romanceis about blessing the other by giving of self . . . and thats what true
love is about, too. So you see, the two go hand in hand. Couples who engage
in an intensely physical relationship often lose out on this very pointbecause
physical pleasure has become the focus of their relationship. By converse,
couples who do not distract themselves with physical intimacy have more
time on their hands to spend creatively doing romantic things for each other

and togetherblessing each other with their loving deeds and gestures as
often as they can.

Be active in your faith community: Courtship is a great time to grow in faith

togetherand to spend time together in your faith community. In this way
your relationship is supported by like-minded people who will become for you
that community that celebrates with you in times of joy, consoles you in
times of grieving, and that lifts you up you in times of hardship. We cannot
live in isolationwe need that community to be there for us, which means, we
need to be there for them as well. Be involved, have fun taking in events and
activities together, volunteer service time together, and join in prayer groups
and Bible studies together. These opportunities to spend time together, in a
larger group setting, help you to learn much about each other by seeing how
each other deals with a variety of situations and other persons . . . and are
great opportunities to dedicate your time and talents to the Lord.

There is a great deal that can be said about courtship. And each family will
establish their own modelsometimes a different model for the varying
circumstances of each child. What is import is that you discuss these things
in the family and when the time comes in your life for courtship you will be
prepared with an excellent game plan!