Issue 957 - Weekly
“Come on!
Come on!”
UniS has been challenged!
The search has begun for
the teams to compete in the
1999/2000 series of
‘University Challenge’.
Applications are invited
from all the UK’s universi-
ties and university colleges
for teams to take part in the
toughest quiz programme
on television, presented by
the inimitable Jeremy
Paxman and produced from
Granada Television’s stu-
dios in Manchester. We
need as broad a team as pos-
sible covering mature stu-
dents, postgrads, engineers,
linguists, musicians etc.
There will be a Union quiz
News 1&2 n Union 3 n Features 4 n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7 .
Features 8 n Personals & Crossword 9 n What’s On 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12
STUDENT COUNCIL - Next Thursday - 6pm - LTD
event to help with the selec-
tion process so if you are a
trivia buff or even if you just
win £2 on the Pizza Plus
monopoly machine and
quite fancy the idea then
email H.Sims@surrey.ac.uk.
You can either enter a team
or volunteer as an individual.
All expenses are paid for the
applicants who rank in the
top twenty-eight teams in
the UK, They will record
each episode in Manchester
and five successful appear-
ances will guarantee hon-
our, glory and academic
kudos. So “Come on! Come
on!”
Voting
Today
Austin
Pearce
Friday
Lecture
Theatres
Putting
Students First
This week the Higher
Education Funding
Council for England
announced that it is pro-
viding an extra £20m to
fund the additional costs
incurred by universities in
training students from
lower socioeconomic
groups. The Government
also recently announced
that they are establishing
13 pilot areas for the pro-
posed Education
Maintenance Allowance
(EMA) for FE students.
However, also announced
has been news that. appli-
cations for HE have fallen
again, most worryingly by
over 10% for mature stu-
dents. The Guardian
Higher Education Section
also revealed (8 February
1999) that David Blunkett
is under growing pressure
from universities to dereg-
ulate tuition fees. Were
this to happen, students
would face differential
costs between universities
and courses, paying in the
region’ of £ 10,000 per
National Student Hardship Day
year for some courses at
certain universities. The
article refers to a new cus-
tomer oriented sector, in
which students will be
happy to pay extra for bet-
ter !!!
These announcements
highlight the reality of the
funding crisis faced by
students and institutions in
the further and higher edu-
cation sectors. NUS wel-
comes the extra £20m for
widening access and the
pilot schemes for the
EMA. However, year-on-
year increases in drop-out
rates to a record level of
over 1 in 5 students in HE
and higher rates for FE,
another fall in applications
by mature students to over
10% and the very real
threat of top-up fees being
introduced, particularly by
the elitist ‘Russell’ group
of universities, shows that
the government is far from
delivering its promise of
‘education, education,
education’.
Thursday February 18th 1999
National Student Hardship
Day must ram home the
message that students in
FE and HE are facing
intolerable levels of finan-
cial hardship and that the
government must come up
with extra funds for main-
tenance support. David
Blunkett will be reminded
of his ‘student hardship is
a “national disgrace” and a
“badge of shame... quotes,
whilst the national survey
of student hardship will
give union officers clear
proof of the reality of
financial hardship faced
by student throughout the
UK, which they can use
when lobbying MPs in
their constituency surg-
eries.
On the back of a massive
vote of confidence follow-
ing the Birmingham
University affiliation ref-
erendum Andrew Pakes,
NUS National President
commented: “We now
look forward to our next
vital goal: National
Student Hardship Day on
26 February. I hope all
those students who voted
to stay with NUS at
Birmingham will join me
and hundreds of thou-
sands of students in send-
ing a message to the
Government that enough
is enough. With the
national union leading
them, together students
can effect change. Apart
we achieve nothing.”
Andrew Pakes is here in
Guildford today
(Thursday) as part of the
Yes for NUS campaign in
our own referendum year.
This follows the appear-
ance of Simon Webber, the
National Secretary of
NUS during Mondays vot-
ing. Voting concludes
tomorrow and the results
of the sabbatical elections
are due to be announced
around 6pm.
The post election party
and celebrations will go
long into the night.
2 News Thursday 18th February 1999 n

Editorial News in Brief by James Buller

ith only one day
Editor
Tom Sherwen
W of voting to go,
the candidates are
exhausted from campaign-
held on Monday nights in
the Grant Mitchell room at
6pm. If you want to be part
of the decision making
Psychopaths Imprisoned
been more representative
and we could have truly
gauged what the student atti-
tude was.. The next Student
To Protect Public
Mentally ill people who pose a
threat to others will face permanent
Clinton On Drugs Trip

US President Bill Clinton has been

(su-comms@surrey.ac.uk) ing, the electorate are tired
of being hassled and the
sabbaticals are keen to find
Deputy Editor
out the identities of their
Vacant replacements. The cam-
paign trail, most notably
Hustings, raised a lot of
Arts Editor issues that are both contro-
Daniel Jones versial and important.
Candidates at Hustings
(ps51dj@surrey.ac.uk)
were repeatedly asked about
their views on the forthcom-
News Editor ing Miss Great Britain
Universe competition. To
James Buller
some this sort of “entertain-
(ma71jb@surrey.ac.uk) ment” is viewed as sexist
and discriminatory. To oth-
Features Editor ers it is harmless fun entered
into by volunteers. Whether
Nick Walsh
you agree with the event or
(ps71nw@surrey.ac.uk) not is up to you. The fact
that it is going ahead was up
to you and you supported
Music Editor
the idea. A democratic
Andrew Thomas decision was made by the
Ents committee to allow the
(ps71at@surrey.ac.uk)
event to be held. Ents com-
mittee is an open meeting
Sports Editor
Paul Cliff The Week in Review
(barefacts@surrey.ac.uk)
by Samad
Masood &
Commercial Manager
Laurence Jones
Vacant Going to this weeks hus-
tings was indeed worthy
entertainment. Not only did
we get to see the
Universities top calibre stu-
dents, involved in a heated
battle of wits…we also got
Deadline for Publication fun and games thrown in for
Monday 10am free. Games such as baked
bean races, and toilet paper
mummification. The contes-
Bare Facts is an editorially independent
tants..er..sorry, candidates
newspaper, published by the University performed as well with their
of Surrey Students' Union
election speeches as they
Communications Office.
The views expressed within the paper did with the toilet paper. Is
are those of individual authors, and do
their a correlation here?
not necessarily represent the views of
the Editor, the Editorial Board, the
University of Surrey Students' Union or
We thought the speeches
the University of Surrey.
This publication may not be reproduced were all very good, it will be
in whole or in part, stored in any form,
a tough decision on who to
copied or distributed, without the express
permission of the publisher. vote for. Maybe this is
All submissions must include the author's
because their election cam-
name and Union or Staff Number.
Submission is no guarantee of paigns are all based on per-
publication.
sonal qualities rather than on
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles
will not be published. how they intend to change
Bare Facts reserves the right to edit
things. Lets face it they’re
submissions.
all very nice people, but the
Printed by
East End Offset (TU), Union Entry Policy
group you are very welcome
to attend.
The second controversial
topic is the decision of the
Student Council to allow
tobacco sponsorship for the
Charter Ball. Following a
close vote we are now pro-
ceeding with caution and we
are looking at low profile
sponsorship deals. The vir-
tual 50/50 split in student
opinion warranted compro-
mise. This Charter Ball will
not have tobacco sponsor-
ship and free cigarettes.
Future events may receive
backing providing that the
sponsorship deal is of benefit
to all students even if, as is
the case with tobacco, they
only target one sector of the
student body. Should the
decision have been made in
the first place? If more stu-
dents attended the Council
then the decision would have
point is should these elec-
tions be based on personal
qualities or political views?
(Sad section alert) As we
write this article people all
over the country are out with
their loved ones celebrating
that curse on single people
every where, Valentines day.
We have decided not to be
happy today (our own single
independent choice). If you
think about it, 50% of all
couples must have a bad
valentines day because it
wasn’t what they were
expecting, or football was
on. Add to that the large
amount of single people
(c’mon there must be mil-
lions of us out there……)
and you end up with a very
unhappy majority. Is that a
cause to celebrate? Bah!
Humbug!
In fact, today we learned
about the Russian equiva-
lent of Valentines day. This
is called International
Womens day, and apparent-
Council is next week on
Thursday 25th February at
6pm in Lecture Theatre D.
Finally, some of you may
have noticed a disclaimer in
Barefacts: “The views
expressed within the paper
are those of individual
authors, and do not neces-
sarily represent the views of
the Editor, the Editorial
Board, the University of
Surrey Students' Union or
the University of Surrey.”
The editorial board will take
a decision on any controver-
sial article in Barefacts. If
the board approve an article
then it goes in. Sometimes
decisions are tough to make
and the editorial vote is
close. However if you do
not agree with some of the
articles published come
along to the editorial meet-
ing every Monday night at
7pm in the Barefacts office
ly is a day in which women
must be totally worshiped
and everyone has to be
extremely nice to them.
We’ve been told that on this
day everyone has bunches
of flowers, either that they
receive or will give away.
Isn’t this a better solution
all round? Then you would-
n’t have moaning miserable
gits like us complaining
about it.
Laurence: So how many
Valentines did you get
Samad? Samad: None. What
star sign are you Laurence?
Laurence: Leo, why?
Samad: Me too and those
Lunar Lisa and Mystic
Moonda said we had a 68%
chance of a valentine.
Laurence: But if you think
of it comparatively Samad,
we’re not doing so bad com-
pared to Taurus at 15%, and
Cancer at 20%. We don’t
have such a bad deal after
all. huh? Samad: Umm.
visiting Mexico this week. Clinton
imprisonment under proposals
went to America's southern neigh-
unveiled by the Government this
bour to discuss the environment,
week. Home Secretary Jack Straw
health and trade. Much of the cross
announced the plans for protecting
border trade between the two coun-
the public on Monday.
tries however is illicit.
Under current legislation, a person
The American drugs market is esti-
can only be sent to a mental institu-
mated to be worth $30bn per year.
tion if a doctor believes their condi-
Around 65% of the supplies come
tion is curable. Often however this
through Mexico. Clinton must
is not believed to be possible. A
ascertain if Mexico is doing enough
good example is the case of
to combat the problem. If he
Michael Stone, who murdered
remains unconvinced the US
Lynne and Megan Russell in Kent
Congress is set to impose sanctions
with a hammer. Stone had a severe
on Mexico. Indications are that this
personality disorder and had actual-
will not happen.
ly requested treatment. There was
nothing that could be done for him
Mexican President Ernesto Zedillo
however, and although considered
and Clinton also met to discuss bor-
dangerous, the authorities had to let
der security, and how to control
him go free.
pollution and tuberculosis out-
breaks.
Jack Straw outlined plans to jail psy-
chopaths who are considered a dan-
Meanwhile the Mexican Secret
ger to society. This would affect all
Service has apologised for assaults,
such patients, whether they had not
it's agents made on news camera
committed any crime or had fin-
crews. Security men apparently
ished their standard prison sentence
punched and kicked newsmen from
for a crime. They would be kept
CBS and ABC, while Zedillo,
behind bars indefinitely. Meanwhile
Clinton and their wives went for a
every effort would be made to treat
valentines dinner.
their conditions. The patient's status
would be regularly reviewed by a
quasi judicial review board.
Clinton Faces The Music
The Home Secretary admitted that
the subject was "controversial and A Los Angeles theatre playing host
complex". Shadow Home Secretary to a musical chronicling Bill
Sir Norman Fowler backed the pro- Clinton's recent sex scandal. ,As the
posal but added that unreformed presidential impeachment trial
sex offenders should be given the came to its final act, last week, the
same treatment. curtain rose on "Starr Struck: A
Musical Investigation"
Ex-general favourite to The show features all the major
lead Nigeria names of the prolonged affair,
Monica Lewinsky Linda Tripp,
Paula Jones, Kenneth Starr and of
The former military ruler of Nigeria
course Clinton himself. Alan
is set to return to power, as a civil-
Glueckman who wrote the play's 30
ian president. Olusegun Obasanjo
original songs said "We get below
has won the fight to be nominated
the surface of what everyone thinks
as his party's presidential candidate
about these people, their emotions,
in the country's new elections.
their motivations. There's a lot of
Obasanjo won the votes of nearly
very funny material in the piece,
70% of the members of the Peoples'
but also moments that will put tears
Democratic Party (PDP). The
in your eyes,"
ground breaking presidential elec-
tions will take place later in
Example of the song lyrics include:
February.
Lynda Tripp: "He showed off cojones
to Paula Jone-ess. He passed the
Obasanjo led Nigeria's military
hours plucking Gennifer Flowers. He
regime for 3 years, until in 1979 he
thought he'd get away with it, but
voluntarily handed control over to a
civilian government. However the
country slipped back into military
now he's gonna pay for it."

Bow, London, E3 3LT Clinton croons to "Sax In The Oval

hands and General Sani Abacha
1 All members must show their campus card to gain access after 7pm. Members Office": "There's only the Oval
took over as a dictator. General
without their card will not be permitted entry. office. I'm the President, see, and I
© USSU Communications Obasanjo was among 43 Nigerians
can't sneak chicks into the residen-
Office 1998 who plotted a coup against Abacha
cy 'cuz they keep a list and Hillary
2 Full members may sign in 2 guests. This may be done by: in 1995. All were jailed when they
gets pissed,"
Mon - Thurs 10.30 pm, Fri 7pm , Sat 10 pm, Sun 10 pm were discovered. When Abacha
died suddenly, the new leader,
Paula Jones sings that "The kind of
Bare Facts Members of the Students Union may NOT be signed in as guests. General Abdulsalami Abubakar
exposure I was looking for was not
released some of the prisoners and
Union House the kind I got. The kind of meat I
started the process of reform.
University Of Surrey 3.NUS card holders may sign themselves in at any time unless specific
Abubakar will himself step down
was greetin' was not the meetin' I
Guildford restrictions are in place. a UOS NUS card is not acceptable. had in mind."
when the new president is elected.
Surrey
GU2 5XH 4.Guests for FNO must be in possession of a valid guest ticket which may be Finally independent prosecutor
Nigeria's other main political par-
Kenneth Starr proclaims: "It's a
purchased up until 7pm. This guest ticket may be exchanged for a guest ticket ties are also putting up candidates
fundamentalist fundamental, if you
Tel: 01483 259275 for another event if unused. This ticket is not redeemable for cash. for the election. However
think sex is fun, you're mental."
Fax: 01483 534749 Obasanjo's PDP polled most of the
5 Telephone signing in is NOT permitted except for industrial year students & votes in January's state elections.
Glueckman described the play as a
Obasanjo also enjoys support from
email: life members. classic love triangle evolving along
across Nigeria's racial groups and
barefacts@surrey.ac.uk Evidence of this status will be required on entry. R.O.A.R.
he can boast many friends still serv-
a very Shakespearean style. "It's got
The management reserve the right of admission without giving a reason. sex and power, love and betrayal,
ing in the army.
Thursday 18th February 1999 n 3 Union

Today the campus, tomorrow the world?

t the moment
A there’s twelve peo-
ple on campus who
must really wish that Peter
Mandelson was their uncle,
especially now he’s got so
much time on his hands.
Love him or hate him, he
did wonders promoting the
Labour Party and, with such
a huge majority, they’ve got
a lot to thank him for. But
our twelve candidates who
are unfortunately
Mandelson-less are current-
ly campaigning for sabbati-
cal positions, running their
own campaigns and hoping
to emulate his successes….
Campaigning on campus is
different to campaigning in
the real world, although
there are some similarities.
It’s all about exposure.
In real world politics, the
press is the key. Although
manifestos are produced and
posters are put up on thou-
sands of billboards; TV,
radio and the papers are
would be interesting to hear
what Mandelson would
think of their alternative
ways of getting their mes-
sages across- huge banners,
posters, balloons, tee-shirts,
badges- anything to break
the ice with the electorate-
although, except in hustings,
the Full Monty route to
exposure has so far been
avoided. Mandelson would
recognise some things
though- everyone knows
politicians love the sound of
their own voices, and hus-
tings provides our candi-
dates with the perfect oppor-
tunity to prove this with
speeches and question and
answer sessions, while giv-
ing the student audience the
chance to test their knowl-
edge, experience and
singing voices.
Why does anyone get
involved in campaigning?
For Mandelson and co. it’s
easy- it’s a combination of
power lust and a love of the
access to the vast technolog-
Hairtec
ical support and personnel
needed to carry out canvass-
ing on a mass scale. They
24 Madrid Road
tend to rely on hand-painted (01483)440414
posters, enthusiastic friends
and a modest budget that
probably wouldn’t even Shampoo & Blow Dry from £9.00
cover Mandelson’s pager Cutting incl. Shampoo from £11.00
bill. Gents cut incl. shampoo from £8.50
Semi permanent Tint from £22.00
The ban on negative cam-
paigning means that there’s Permanent Tint £ from £25.00
generally goodwill in cam- Highlights/Lowlights from £35.00
pus campaigning. Each can- Permanent Wave from £32.50
didate has to try to be elect-
ed on their own merit, rather
KMS/Fudge Treatment from £3.00
than putting down others or Sets & Blow Drys included in all
trashing their campaigns. Perming & Colouring Services, but excluding Cutting
Ironically, this is what real
world politics thrives on-
attacking the opposition’s Reduced Prices for Students
record is stock in trade for
politicians- but we still vote
for them. Tuesdays - Fridays inclusive
It doesn’t matter how cyni-
cal you are, in the real world
Lloyds
politicians are elected to
represent your local area
Chemist
nationally, and your country

considered crucial for win-
ning. The Sun, for example,
is credited with winning the
election for Labour by
switching sides during the
General Election.
party.
On campus things are a little
more difficult, there is no
party system so everyone
standing is an independent
individual and needs to cre-
Hairtec
internationally, defending
your rights. In our union Madrid The Astolat
elections, our sabbaticals
are elected to represent our GPA Road
views to the university,
locally and nationally,
through NUS, defending our
Apollo Video Store x Newsagent

For our campus candidates,
however, the press is off
limits- their manifestos
appear in Barefacts but, in
order to be scrupulously
fair, they can’t be inter-
viewed or submit articles. It
ate their own dedicated rights. So why not show the
campaigning team. Unless campaigners that all their TLA’s From The PGA – (Three Letter Abbreviations!!!!)
they’re extremely organ- hard work has been worth it
fter the confusion at the research students but is specifically aimed at
ised, it is unlikely that the
students will have started
planning before Christmas,
and probably won’t have
and go out and vote?

Jo Keech
A Hustings about the
NPC, a small TLA
used by a member of the
PGA, it was thought that we
had better educate all you
The ZACK GILPIN Show students who aren’t in the
know and give you a chance
to utilise that large capacity
of space between your ears
and fill it with something
slightly more informative
than saw dust. (No, don’t try
shoving Bare Facts down
your lugg ‘ole to fill the
gap.)
The PGA (Postgraduate
Association) within the uni-
versity and the union is a
committee of postgraduates
representing the views and
opinion of postgraduates
throughout the university. It
isn’t a committee full of
boring old farts, instead it’s
a committee working for the
Rythmic Heat Bounty Beat benefit of all postgraduates
At the Harlequin, Redhill on and who also use it as an
Friday 23rd Feb 1999 excuse to spend every
Thursday evening socialis-
9-11pm
ing in Wates House. The
Tickets £15 PGA encompasses approxi-
mately 4,000 students (hard-
All ticket holders are entitled to a free invitation to appear in my next
ly a minority), which
music video. A 1/500 chance of winning a return ticket to California, includes any of you out
USA. Harlequin, Redhill BOX OFFICE there registered on a taught
tel: 01737 765 547 course (mainly Masters and
PGCEA students) and also
email Zack on eusebiou@yahoo.com
(MPhil/PhD). It doesn’t
matter if you’re a full-time,
part-time and even collabo-
rative student, a sandwich
student, an overseas
exchange student or a dis-
tance learning student; so
long as you’re registered at
the uni, you’ve automatical-
ly become one of us, a full
member of the PGA.
The ‘job’ of the PGA is to pro-
mote the welfare and advance
the education of its members, to
promote better understanding
between postgraduates, under-
graduates and staff and, more
importantly, to promote social
and recreational activities
among its members. Or, in
short, to try and voice your
views to the relevant people on
the relevant committees (there is
a position for a postgrad repre-
sentative on nearly every uni-
versity committee which the
sabbaticals attend, and also on
many of the union committees).
The PGA is affiliated to the
NPC (National Postgraduate
Committee) which meets
once every four months. So
not only are you a member
of the NUS, but also the
NPC. Bargain!!! The NPC
works a bit like the NUS,
postgrads, whether your
doing a PGCE to a PhD. It is
run by Postgrads for
Postgrads, the majority of
the work being done by full
time students. It liases with
many organisations
involved in postgrad affairs,
including the NUS, the UK
Council for Graduate
Employment, the research
councils and many more.
(And it actually employs a
sabbatical!!) They’re so
high tech that they’ve even
got their own web page:
http://www.npc.org.uk
So if there are any of you
crazy postgrads that want to
get involved, whether you
want to be a departmental
or school rep, if you want
any more info, or you just
want a drink, we (other
crazy postgrads!) can be
found in Wates House prop-
ping up the bar on Thursday
evenings from about
8ish............ (check the PGA
board in the Union for
details of special evens or
our web page
thttp://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/
Societies/pga/).
Jayne Elliott Treasurer,
Postgraduate Association
4 Features
HOSPITALITY CATERING
SERVICES REDEVELOPMENT
HISTORY
uring early 1997, a spe-
D cialist catering consul-
tant, appointed by the
University to review the overall
provision of catering on campus,
recommended that an increase in
catering capacity and an
improvement in the quality of the
catering environment was need-
ed. An option appraisal of poten-
tial locations for a new develop-
ment resulted in the decision to
extend the existing Hall
Restaurant complex.
A London-based architectural
practice, RMJM, were appointed
to progress the scheme, and
together with the University,
developed the design until it
reflected the University’s aims
and objectives and came within
budget.
The final design was agreed upon
towards the end of last year, and
with a turf cutting ceremony to
mark the start of the construction
phase, the project started on site
on 30 November 1998.
PROGRESS
The construction of the new
development is now well under
way, with completion set for
autumn 1999. The work
involves constructing a three
storey infill which will link the
buildings and therefore the cater-
ing venues on either side of the
site - the Hall Restaurant on one
side and the Vegetarian
Restaurant and Hall Bar on the
other. Construction of a brand
new top floor meeting and dining
suite is also part of the scheme.
THE VENUES
From autumn 1999, students and
staff will benefit from greatly
enhanced and modernised cater-
ing services in the new
Hospitality Catering Services
complex. Choice and value for
money will be key aims underly-
ing the improved service, which
will be delivered through a new
450-seat restaurant, a 200-seat
cafe/bar and a top floor table
d’hote restaurant.
A range of light, hot breakfasts
will be served in the main restau-
rant until 11.00am, and
lunchtime diners will then be
able to choose from a wide selec-
tion of dishes served from four
themed food counters. A sepa-
rate vegetarian servery will also
be available. The restaurant’s
double height atrium will
increase natural light into the
area and air conditioning and
light, contemporary decor will
help create a comfortable and
modern venue. Patio doors will
open from the restaurant onto a
newly landscaped terraced area
for alfresco dining and barbe-
cues.
A new Cafe Bar will not only
double the size of the existing
Bar area, it will provide a brand
new, bright, modern air-condi-
tioned venue Innovative menus
will be available at breakfast and
lunch, with food served until
5.00pm. The Cafe Bar will be
open until 8.30pm with a wide
choice of beers, wines and soft
drinks available all day.
Customers will be able to choose
to sit in either smoking or non-
smoking areas of the Cafe Bar.
For special occasions, or when
you need to impress someone,
students and staff can book a table
in the new 40-seat restaurant on
the top floor of the building.
A lift and ramp system will
enable students and staff with
disabilities to reach every area in
the new complex.
MEETING
DEMAND
Whilst the redevelopment of cen-
tral catering facilities will obvi-
ously affect a number of catering
venues from April 1999 to the
end of the summer, Hospitality
Catering Services are working
with the Students’ Union and
Wates House to try to minimise
disruption. Please refer to
Barefacts and Surrey Matters for
regular project updates and a
timetable showing venue open-
ing times during the construction
period. A small exhibition of the
new development can be viewed
in the Hall Bar.
Hospitality Catering Services
apologises for any inconvenience
and thanks you for your co-oper-
ation. Please email Allan
Collinson, Director of
Hospitality Catering Services, at
a.collinson@surrey.ac.uk, for
more information on the new
complex.
Aerobics Class
HIGH IMPACT FROM
SCANDINAVIA
Join ‘Trine’ on Thursdays 13.05
14.00 at the
Studio Sports Centre
Starting
Thursday Feb 18th - March 18th
Free for Campusport Card Holders
(£3.50 public, £2.50 Staff, £1.50
Students)
NEW ITV
DATING PROGRAMME
TV is set to launch a brand
I new concept in dating pro-
grammes on Friday 30th
April 1999. The programme
takes a new and unique look at
the 90s phenomenon of dating
programmes, utilising the latest
developments in telephone and
video dating. The show is a tele-
vision dating agency where
viewers can ring in if they are
interested in dating any of our
featured contestants.
Unlike other dating pro-
grammes, Dial-A-Date will be
filmed in towns and cities right
across the UK, reflecting the
local character and focussing on
the people from those areas.
Hewland International, the mak-
ers of the programme, are cur-
rently looking for contestants
(aged 18 and over) to take part
in this show. We are primarily
interested in attracting contes-
tants from the student popula-
tion of British Universities.
Thursday 18th February 1999
WWW
octor X and Joe
D Castleman have written an
interesting treatise entitled
Friedrich Nietzsche, the C.I.A.,
and Men on the Moon. In the
opening paragraph, the authors say
that their intention “is to inform
the public that the Man on the
Moon is not a myth; in fact there is
more than one Man: hundreds,
possibly thousands of persons
comprise a mysterious lunar soci-
ety, one that is far more technolog-
ically superior to even the most
advanced secret societies on
Earth.” They then go on to argue
that the members of this society
bear a strong resemblance to
philosopher Friedrich Nietzche,
who was in fact a renegade, and
that the CIA is no more than the
Earth branch of the society. One
too many X-Files episodes
methinks!
However, the Bizarre Website
award must go to the Alien inva-
sion base of operation web
page. The designers claim to be
part of a military unit of brain-
sucking aliens who are looking
for their lost comrades. Maybe
they should take The Weirdness
Evaluation Survey. It might seem
like one of those self-discovery
quizzes which are so popular with
woman’s magazines...and you
would not be far wrong.
Last Thursday, The Mirror
revealed that some of the guests
on the BBC’s Vanessa show had
been faked. A female victim of
domestic violence was in fact an
unmarried struggling actress.
Feuding sisters were exposed as
strippergrams who met just
before the show. The revelations
sent shockwaves throughout
journalism, with some predicting
the end of the human interest chat
show. And ITV bossess were
probably laughing!!! Until the
next day, when it turned out that
some of the guests on Trisha
However we are also looking
more broadly for persons
between the ages of 18 and 35,
of all sexes and sexuality (and
preferably broad-minded).
Wannabe contestants should
send a recent photo (which can-
not be returned), together with
contact telephone number and
address on the back. They
should also give a brief descrip-
tion of their own personality,
together with what they are
looking for in the ideal date, to:
Dial-A-Date
Hewland International
PO Box 91
LONDON NW5 3WQ
Or they can visit our Web Site
at:
http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/he
wland.development/
Email applications are welcome
hewland.development@dial.pip
ex.com
by Pravin Jeyaraj
were also faked.
The other big event of the week
was Valentine’s Day, when lovers
all over the world show their
affection for their partner(s). It
seems like coincidence, therefore,
that the storyline of Sex and The
City centred around the premise
that there is an ongoing battle
between singles and couples. The
US show, currently airing on
Channel Four, follows the lives of
sex columnist Carrie (played by
Sarah Jessica Parker) and friends
as she discovers that relationships
have become the new religion
Described as pushing back the
boundaries of sex-talk on screen,
it is simply a more sophisticated,
non-musical version of Ally
McBeal.
Finally, if you want to know
whether you should make a
move on your object of desire,
then you want to do a LoveTest.
There are numerous compatibili-
ty tests, such as “Is your heart-
throb a perfect match?” and “Do
you know how to flirt?”. The site
does verge on the tacky side with
lyrics and multimedia clips of
love songs. Still, the overall
atmosphere is just about right.
Good Luck!
This week’s websites
LoveTest
http://www.lovetest.com/
The Weirdness Evaluation
Surveyhttp://www.zoomnet.net/
~macfaye/Weirdness.html
Friedrich Nietzsche, the C.I.A.,
and Men on the Moon
http://www.eden.com/~jcastle/n
oframes/nietzsch.html
Sex and the City
http://www.hbo.com/city/
Alien invasion base of opera-
tion web page
http://www.users.dircon.co.uk/~
number-6/ayaa/
Chiune Sugihara: Lifesaving
Visashttp://members.aol.com/ny
rules9/sugihara.html
 Thursday 18th February 1999 n Live Music 5

Holy Calamity, Scream It's Manatee! WIN SPECIAL 10”

Manatee/Dogeared, 6/2/99, The Dublin Castle COPY OF BLUR’S
After the underage audience had stormed the pub entrance, NEW SINGLE
much to the horror of the landlord, Manatee kicked into
their first gig of the year. With Steve Lamacq watching the TENDER
pressure was clearly on to perform. After a short improvised
number the epic guitar whirlwind of 'Food' arrived. Manatee
have a maturity in songwriting clearly above their so called
"bratpop" contemporaries, presenting headstrong pop clas-
sics ('8 Seconds', 'Duck'...) alongside casual rock ballads
('Yuuki' and one yet to be titled) with all the grace of their

Photo: Andrew Thomas

private school upbringing. The crowd scream, and dance,
and roar for an encore. The satirical pop jangle of 'Indie
Boys All Look The Same' is what they get. Considering the
current musical climate the question is not if Manatee will
be offered a record deal, but when. Oh yeah, Dogeared
played too, pleasing the crowd with a rougher version of
Gel. Andrew Thomas

TERRORVISION - THEY’LL MAKE YOU HAPPY

On a rather dull early
February afternoon,
Terrorvision arrive in
Guildford for their sold out
show at the Civic Hall, after
a soundcheck and audition-
ing girls to sing back up
vocals for their current real
hit single, ‘Tequila’, bassist
Leigh Marklew gets the
opportunity to talk to BF. He
looks relaxed.
You must be quite happy
with your renewed success?
“We just find this funny
rather than an indication of
our talent or anything. I just
think it’s funny, here we are
back in the charts.”
Why did you chose to
release ‘Tequila’ as a remix?
“We’ve had remixes done in
the past, some of which
haven’t been very good
some of which have been
quite successful. We had
this one done by these guys
(Mint Royale) after I heard a
remix they’d done of a
Kenickie song. They are up
and coming and did it as a
prospective mix. We really
liked it, it was by far the best
remix we’d heard. We
decided to put it out as a
white label to try and get it
going in the clubs over
Christmas and then use it as
a b-side in January. That
was the plan until the record
was taken by our pluggers to
Radio 1 and other radio sta-
tions, and the rest is histo-
ry,” he says with a huge grin
spreading across his face.
“It’s caught the public imag-
ination. It’s a happy accident
really!”
A lot of the media have been
using the success of
Terrorvision, along with The
Offspring, as heralding a
new rock revival.
“Again, I just find it so
amusing. I read in The
Times the other day that
heavy metal is making a
comeback. They were citing
the fact that The Offspring
were number 1 and that
Terrorvision were number 2.
Terrorvision - Leigh Marklew second left
Well, if you can spot heavy
metal in them two records
you’re a better man than me,
one’s a cartoon punk song,
the other’s a samba drinking
song. It’s just that we’re
rock bands, and they’re
looking for something out of
the ashes of Britpop.
Terrorvision existed before,
during and after that, we’re
still in the charts and having
fun.”
Do you think that the party
vibe at Terrorvision shows
helps you maintain your fol-
lowing?
“It gets a bit cliched that
when people describe it as
that. It can downsell the
band a bit, that it’s just this
big party thing. But, if
you’re going to come to a
concert you want to have a
good time. You are paying
an extra ten pounds to sere
the concert, why do that if
you only get the same expe-
rience as staying at home
and listening to the CD. I
thought that the touring we
did at the end of last year
was a reaffirmation of what
it is all about, it was a real
buzz to be out there.”
You took a long break
between the last album
‘Regular Urban Survivors’
and the new album ‘Shaving
Peaches’.
“When you look at it, the
gap wasn’t that much longer
and I can assure you there
were no breaks taken. It was
spent working on the record
and battling with the busi-
ness side of it. We had to get
some bits of shit sorted out.”
Leigh starts to discuss mak-
ing records.
“I have always been a fan of
the situation where a band
used to bring out an album
every year, or even less than
a year. When you put on a
vinyl LP it lasted maybe 25
minutes, nine or ten songs,
and you released two singles
from it at most, the b-sides
were from the album or
instrumental versions. I
would rather do that than
have to try and milk a load
of singles off it. You do an
album see if it hits, and if it
doesn’t you’ve got another
album in under a year’s
time. It keeps the touring
fresh. Now it’s a big thing.”
You would prefer
Terrorvision to work like
that?
“I would love to go back to
that. Now, there is much
more onus put on the release
of a CD, because it is every
two years. You release a sin-
gle and have to provide
three or four extra songs for
the b-sides and stuff. If you
Just answer this simple question to win Blur’s mighty
new single from their forthcoming new album
What were Blur called before they were
signed?
a)Traverse b)Womenswear c)Seymour
Answers to be e-mailed to ps71at@surrey.ac.uk
Closing date: 25th February
CHA CHA COHEN
CHA CHA COHEN - Gaultier top looked better
Union 7/2/99 by than Debbie Harry in her
prime, 100 times sexier than
Sometimes us here on the the likes of Louise and
music team, feel sorry for friends for 1 simple reason;
the isolated up bringing she's got a brain and a dirty
other students here at Surrey soul.
have had. It seems, any- Coming across like
look over the space of our
thing, which hasn't been Blondie meets Royal Trux
four albums, we’ve proba-
ruined by a shitty, dumb pop meets Happy Mondays
bly written at least eighty
group, doesn't get any sort meets The Jesus and Mary
songs and we could have
of attention here at all. Oh, Chain. Wall of sound songs
done eight albums with
well your loss. Cha Cha like 'Cool Slate', with its
those. I’d like to see it return
Cohen are the sort of band infectious delta-blues
to that.”
we are in desperate need sleaziness which got every-
You used several producers
here to save us from the one grooving. To the Beck
on ‘Shaving Pieces’, was
vacuum of style which is meets Beta Band junkie-
this through design or acci-
Friday Night Out. For those country-cowgirl-pop of
dent?
who missed it, the band are 'Nothing to Do'. One of the
“The last two albums were
as cool-as-f*** concoction best bands ever seen in the
done with Gil Norton and
of the funk of the 'funky Union, and although the
we fancied a change and we
f*** all stars', blended with dance floor at times might
really struggled to find
the 'who-gives-a-f***' atti- have been empty everyone
someone to work with who
tude of The Velvet who witnessed this momen-
we thought would be right
Underground. Topped off tous occasion left with their
for the job. So over the time
with a beautiful-as-f*** hearts full and their souls
of looking for people we
singer Jacqui Dulany, who overflowing.
ended up working with
resplendent in her Jean Paul Rodney Gambora
Edwin Collins and just try-
ing a couple of tracks and
the Utah Saints and trying a
couple of tracks and it
became the album. It just
turned out like that.”
What come next for
Terrorvision?
“We’ll see. A third single
here, and while ‘Tequila’ is
released around the world
we’ll start writing the next
album.”
With that Leigh takes his
leave. A couple of hours
later Terrorvision show that
they are one of the best live
bands in the world these
days.
Rob Winder
6 Music
SINGLES
FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE -
Denise (EastWest)
First single from the second
Fountains Of Wayne album and it is
no disappointment. Another simple
catchy pop song with great har-
monies. Love it. 9/10 R.W.
PROPELLERHEADS
Extended Play E.P. (Wall Of
Sound)
‘Crash’ must be one of the best
tracks I’ve heard in a long while.
Sounding like a massive mix of
70’s cult TV shows themes, or the
sort of thing played in the back-
ground of a radio 1 top forty. Joined
by The Jungle Brothers and De La
Soul, this E.P. couldn’t be better.
9/10 E.C.
on, courtesy of a certain Mr
Norman Cook. Here we see Nick
Dresti blend an old “Stetsasonic”
sample (“This story’s funny/I met
this girl and she had money”) with
a drum-loop you’ve probably heard
a million times before. Silly, yet
hugely entertaining, this should be
- massive. 8/10 A.S.
TB - 9 PM Till I Come (Data)
9 PM Till I Come is a ripping track
released on the newly formed Data
label. If you aren’t hearing this on
every European Dance Floor by the
end of the year, I don’t know what
to call a sure shot anymore. 8/10
G.N.
RAE & CHRISTIAN FEATUR-
A reworking of the instrumental
Unreal, where the trip-hop beats
from Unkle provide the backdrop
for an inform Ian Brown. Anyone
who thinks Ian Brown can’t sing a
tuneful note, probably wont appre-
ciate this and would prefer the orig-
inal. 7/10 A.S.
KIRSTY HAWKSHAW - Sci-
Clone (Coalition)
Originally written about a cyclone
that ravaged through Australia, this
song has been remade as a kind of
show of the vocal abilities of the
singer, who happens to be really
good. The B-side track is better
than sci-clone itself. A mix of
relaxed jazzy melody with angelic
lyrics. Whereas the title track is
more mystical sounding and dubi-
ous with occasional vocal outbursts
of energy, a bit mad. 5/10 M.D.C.
Thursday 18th February 1999
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
BIS - Action and Drama
(Wiija)
A rallying call from the
Scottish trio against the cul-
ture of faceless DJ acts preva-
lent in the late ninety’s charts.
Tackling it in their familiar
keyboard and drum machine
style this will convert no-one,
but will keep their small
enduring fanbase happy. The
‘Eurodisco’ remixes on cd1
are well worth a listen. 9/10
A.T.
did it without resorting to jokes
about the name either. 2/10 M.A.

FUNGUS - Over My Head (CH22

Records)
Fungus are a crafty clone of
Idlewild, power guitars and frog
stomping songs. ‘Over my head’ is
a raucous and powering track
fuzzed to the top with speed. Better
than their contemporaries, so 8/10
K.M.
ING VEBA ‘All I Ask’ (Grand
Central)
The second release from last years
acclaimed album. Often referred to
in the same light as Nu Yorican
Soul, the duo use the soulful vocals
of Veba and include a remix by DJ
Spinna that adds the very much
needed ‘up-beat’ to the original and
UNDERSTAND/JETPAK
‘Split’ (Gravitate)
– Next Week
This weeks reviews by:
Understand are a local group that is
up and coming. During the past Andrew Thomas, Kevin An
year they toured with the band A Marston, Mario Dias, Georgina
and this has influenced their musi-
REGURGITATOR-Polyester
Girl(Coalition) Tarrant, Adam Saxty, Andrew Interview
cal style. Understand play with What can I say? Other than no Smith, Emma Clarke, Matthew
heavy guitar riffs and surprisingly
high quality vocals but lack a
thanks, there surely isn’t much to Anderson, Daniel Cremin, Ian With
say about this daft offering. Raving Purvey, James Hemingway,

LOOP DA LOOP - Hazel

(Manifesto)
has a tendency to smile at you until
you like it. D.M.C. 7/10

BE THERE - Unkle Featuring

And so the “Big Beat” flame burns
degree of originality. The song
titles are taken from life and have
some relevance to living life. 5/10
G.T.
Ian Brown (Mowax)
on about “plastic breasts and plastic
thighs” over some poor imitation-
Air beat, this lot, claiming to be the
biggest band out of Austrailia real-
Gareth Nolan, Daniel Jones,
Rodney Gambora, and Rob
Winder
BIS
ly aren’t worth the trouble. There, I

ALBUMS ALBUM OF THE WEEK

CHA CHA COHEN - Cha Cha
Cohen (Chemikal Underground)
Jacqui Dulany is American, beauti-
ful and charming. She sings songs
with a swagger like she doesn't
care, but actually you suspect she
does. The remainder of the band are
from our own Northern shores.
This may be the geographical mir-
ror of Garbage, but it's quit a differ-
ent cup of tea - more rounders than
baseball. You see, there aren't drum
loops, though the drumming is Reni
hypnotic and the sound hasn't been
swallowed in a sheen of production
yet the sonic adventures are crisp
and cansescent. Of course the top-
ics of her discourse are not the
essential part of the equation - it's
the way she stretches and cuts her
voice around the lo-fi guitar and
keyboard funk cocophony. To pick
favourites amongst these would be
unfair, but the country folk of
'Nothing To Do' has the brightest of
choruses you'll ever hear on a
Chemikal Undergound record. 8/10
D.J.
ENEMYMINE - Enemymine (K
Records)
Can there be lo-fi heavy metal.
How about if there was a record
that alternated between this and
more fragile, sentimental country
lo-fi over a seven track ep. Like this
one for example. The cover is the
black of the night sky and the sound
does not belie this in any way. It's
cathartic but utterly delightful. It
won't please the masses but if you
like a little variety and invention in
your music, and you want it languid
and then spiky, this newest K offer-
ing is the way to go. 7/10 D.J.
BLONDIE - No Exit (Beyond)
Blondie return after a 17-year hia-
tus in a successful fashion continu-
ing the #1's they had all those years
ago, with the tuneful 'Maria'. But
maybe coming back after all this
time isn't such a good idea, it is an
unwritten rule that all bands that re-
form after acrimonious circum-
stances are doomed. There are no
songs on here to match their semi-
nal heyday disco classics of 'Heart
of Glass' or 'Atomic'. But that is not
to say that this is a bad album, it's
just that it's not as good as say
'Parallel Lines'. All the trademark
essential Blondie hallmarks are
there Debbie Harry's seductive lilt,
and the (probably one of the best
ever) drumming of Jimmy Destri.
A veritable smorgasbord of styles
are on show from the boozy bar-
room boogie of 'Boom Boom' to the
80's heyday Madonna-esque disco
of 'Forgive and Forget' via the
chainsaw skank of 'Screaming
Skin'. Coolio features on the not so
good title track but ignore that and
enjoy the wondrous, pounding
choral group ensemble of the clos-
ing finale 'Dig Up the Conjo'. A fit-
ting reminder of the uplift Blondie
give. Debbie Harry may not be the
pin-up she once was but she can
still hold her head up high as a
member of one of the most impor-
tant bands ever. 8/10 R.G.
BLACK STAR LINER - Bengali
Bantam Youth Experience
(WEA)
This album is very different from
the live experience. Whilst live
BSL are fairly rocking lyrical
affair, the album is decidedly
dubby. The album has a slow start
with ‘Sita D’, followed by the cold-
er ‘Swimmer’ with the chilling
lyric ‘Swimmer, I’d like to drown’.
‘Low BMW’ it all wakes up on
this vaguely comical track with its
insanely bouncy tune. ‘Gurdeep’s
Yellow Funk’ is more upbeat with a
computerised voice which just
reminds you of the ‘Rock Freak’
single, which is omitted from the
album. ‘Pink Ruppe’ is all together
a more acoustic sounding affair.
This is followed by ‘Ethnic Suicide
Of The Volga Boatmen’ whilst hav-
ing eery stretched sounds at the
front with a faster backbeat. After
this it all starts to merge together.
Whilst if you like BSL live its does-
n’t guareentee you’ll like the album
or vice versa, they are both rather
good. 7/10 I.P.
THE KYND - Shakedown (Go
Go Girl)
So, here we are again....the band-
wagon continues to roll. More
angst-driven indie guitar pop from
another UK band hoping to retrace
the footsteps of its mid-90s prede-
cessors. Or so I first thought.
However, on a couple of listens you GAZE - Shake The Pounce (K) set hand in hand. Tracks like ‘The Snake
realise this debut release does try to As with all good lo-fi American indie-pop Song’ combine Lush like harmonies in a
move away from the stereotypical records this sounds like it was recorded in a Pastels style, reminiscent almost of Belle
image of britpop. No where else dustbin, on a broken 4-track, with a mic and Sebastian. But only with female vocals.
can this be more true than on the
opening track, the single, ‘World’s from the Tandy bargain bin. Obviously Probably released six months too early but,
Finest’, with a vocal harking back these are all good things and should be hey, it’s on K and they’re way too cool to
to Jam-era Weller, and an anthemic encouraged. Gaze live in a world of long worry about marketing plans and other
horn-drenched chorus which would term relationships between floppy fringed such trivialities enforced by “the man”.
not have been out of place on one
of those great summery (and sadly boys and girls with bunches. They sit on 8/10 A.T.
missed) Dodgy tunes. The brash hills in middle America and watch the sun
punk of ‘Egotripper’ and ‘She’s
Naked’, a definite nod to earlyish now, but The Kynd are trying to onto the scene with this interesting thing for the man, but hey, its his
Blur, furtherly consolidate the feel- move in the right direction with little diddy, ‘The Last True Family album. The samples on the other
ing that maybe there is more to this this. To stand out from the zillions Man’. If you are already with your tracks are excellent and humour is
band than at the initial glance. of Embraces we have in this coun- ear to the ground in the big beat splashed liberally throughout. The
‘Almost There’, however, is where try though, they are going to have scene you would have seen this guy whole thing is a mix of
the album really peaks....a sort of to diversify just that little bit more. coming a mile away. This album Propellorheads and Fatboy Slim
chugalong Levellers number with 7/10 J.H. has collaborations on it with names which is mind blowing by any
Teenage Fanclub harmonies. Why like The Freestylers, Grandmaster account, but for some strange rea-
on earth it’s been left at number 10 Freddy Fresh. The Last True Flash and even Fatboy Slim. The son it just doesn’t translate to great-
in the order I do not know. The Family Man (Eye Q) only problem is that the best track ness. 6/10 G.N.
UK’s music scene may be getting Freddy Fresh, the Minneapolis B- on the album is the Fatboy Slim
staler with every passing year right boy and funk merchant, busts back one. This surely can’t be a good

February Win!
Go Thurs 18:
Sat 20:
Sun 21:
Winner, TFL, Spotless @ Camberly Agincourt
Freekspert, Side Parting @ Aldershot West End Centre
Sunday Night Live @ The Union
We have a stack of
FANTASTIC
posters from the

See Mon 22:

Tues 23:
Wed 24:
Stay @ Home
Mink @ London Kings X Waterats
3 Colours Red, Cay @ London Electric Ballroom
SEXIEST BAND
on the planet...
PLACEBO!!!!
Thurs 25: Rae and Christian @ London Kings College To win one just finish the title

Live! Fri 26:

Sat 27:
Inter, Speedurchin, Oizone, Holy Roman Empire @ Aldershot WEC
Indian Ropeman, Space Raiders @ Reading Alleycat
“Every You Every --”
e-mails to ps71at@surrey.ac.uk
 Thursday 18th February 1999 n Entertainments Guide 7

OFU
was actually the convict that was his
0870 50 50 007 benefactor.
WWW.ODEON.CO.UK Hmmm... that doesn’t make this film
Fri Feb 12th - Thurs Feb 18th 1999 sound quite as exciting as it really is
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

You’ve got mai l- Sun 20.45 - it’s great, and it features the
19th

This Year’s Love phwoarr-able Gwyneth Paltrow, and

fri-sat 14.15 16.45 19.15 22.00 the equally phwoarr-able Ethan
Hawke, to boot!
sun-thurs 12.30 15.30 17.40 20.45
A Holy Man
fri-sat 13.20 16.00 18.50 21.30 Hans Richter
sun-thurs 12.20 15.00 17.40 20.20
A Bug’s Life Night
fri-sat 10.45 11.30 12.00 13.10 13.45 14.30 15.35 Weds. 24th Feb, 8pm, LTG:
16.15 17.00 18.00 18.45 19.30 20.20 22.00 22.30
20th

sun-thurs 11.15 not sun, 12.00 12.45 13.35 14.15
15.15 16.00 16.30 17.45 18.30 18.45 20.00 21.00
Shakespeare in Love
fri-sat 12.15 15.10 18.30 21.20
sun-thurs 12.05 14.50 17.40 20.30
Hilary & Jackie
fri-sat 16.05 21.50
sun-thurs 14.45 20.20 (not wed)
Don’t go Breaking my Heart
21st
Season tickets are still available (and
are still a bargain!) or you can get indi-
vidual guest tickets from Union recep-
tion or by filling out a slip in the Union
pigeonhole an hour before the film.
Hans Richter (1888-1976) pioneered
avant-garde filmmaking in the twen-
ties. He left Germany in 1933 when
the Nazis took power, and made his
first feature in the USA in 1941.
In tonight’s programme, USAC pre-
sents two of his early short films
including the delightfully absurd
comedy Ghosts Before Breakfast,
which seeks to defy all conventions -

fri-sat 17.35 20.00 22.20

sun-thurs 16.30 18.45 21.00
Great social, cinematic, and physical -
originally created for the Baden-
Jack Frost
fri-thurs 12.00 14.15
Expectations Baden music festival (although the
soundtrack and score have since
Madeline Sun. 21st Feb, 8pm, LTG: been lost); and Rhythmus 21, an
experimental piece in which Richter
fri-sat 13.30 15.40 17.45
Finn (Ethan Hawke) is a poor orphan seeks to subvert the cinematic illu-
sun 12.15 14.25 16.30 sion of depth using square forms.
with a talent for art, whose life is
mon-thurs 12.15 14.25 transformed by his chance meeting These are followed by Dreams That
Hideous Kinky Money Can Buy, a reference text for
22nd

with an escaped convict (Robert De

fri-sat 21.40 Niro). Years later, he starts to receive students of surrealism. The mono-
sun-thurs 21.00 money from an anonymous benefac- chrome framing story centres on a
Stepmom tor, whom he mistakenly believes is man who sets up in business to sell
fri-sat 13.30 19.00 recluse Ms. Dinsmoor. Finn dreams dreams; there are then six colour
sun-thurs 12.10 17.30 (not wed) of winning the heart of Ms. dream sequences devised by six dif-
Dinsmoor’s beautiful but cold-heart- ferent directors, including one by
Little Voice
ed ward (Gwyneth Paltrow), who his Richter himself, each with its own
fri-sat 19.45 22.10 specially-written soundtrack and
been playing hard-to-get ever since
sun-thurs16.30 (not sun) 18.45 21.00 they were children. Finn’s life is unique style.
23rd

devastated by the revelation that it

Lunar Lisa and Mystic Moonda

AQUARIUS
21st January - 19th February
Uranus is in a difficult position
this week. It will make things
uncomfortable. Perhaps you
24th
TAURUS
21st April-21st May
Board up your windows and run to
the hills as Mars is passing through
your sign...hang on a minute, sorry
that was the kid next doors football
LEO
21st July-23rd August
This week you’ll feel as tame
as a kitten. You certainly won’t
be up for a night out in
SCORPIO
24th October-22nd November
You’ve been feeling a bit like
Venus... the planet of Lurve this
week. Ask if you can borrow

should try standing....up for - our mistake. Um...you’ll meet a

yourself instead of letting peo-
ple walk all over you.
unlucky object; Cheesy Poofs
tall, dark, handsome stranger...than
you. Unlucky Object; A three
legged man...Oops, our mistake
again!
Guildford?! (you’re not feeling
that tame!) Why not relax and
do a bit of gardening, maybe
you should try growing a few
pot plants.
Unlucky Object; Bill and Ben
your parents’ Barry White
records. Then set the scene
with a little dim lighting - so
that they don’t recognise you!
Unlucky object; Your kinky
bunny costume.

PISCES GEMINI SAGITTAURUS

20th February-20th March 22nd May-21st June
POOL Congratulations you have been You’ve been going off on one late-
ly, be warned it might be the aliens
VIRGO
23rd November-21st December
That’s a nice pink aura you’ve
25th

entered into our free prize

Competition draw! All you have to do is buy
items exceeding £200 from our
exclusive designer collection of
7pm Kays catalogue - and the
money could be yours.
Unlucky Object; An envelope
with free prize draw on it
26th
this time. Look out for anal probes.
Make sure there aren’t any sat-
telites coming out of your arse
when you go to the toilet.
Unlucky Object; An anal probe of
catastrophic proportions.
CANCER
22nd June-23rd July
Dazed? Confused?-sound familiar?
24th August-23rd September got going on there! Perhaps you
You don’t seem to able to stop
thinking about one specific
should opt for the entertain-
ment questions on any forth-
goal you’re trying to achieve at coming Trivial pursuit games.
the moment. Remember that
Rome wasn’t built in a day-it
Unlucky object; A pink cheese
you found growing in your car-
was built in Italy. ton of milk.
Unlucky object; A cunning
banana peel hiding on your CAPRICORN
stairs from the planet of doom

Well, it shouldn’t do. You’ve been

ARIES
21at March-20th April
Fancy a game of marbles?-
tough, you’ve lost yours so
you’ll not be playing for some
time. Talk to someone about
it....and you’re sure to be
locked up, so try to act normal
instead. Use a pint as a prop
27th
wondering why everything around
you seems a little different at the
moment. Don’t worry, you won’t
be in that padded cell for long..(but
seriously).. the reason why every-
thing is still (we know, still room
syndrome is a killer) is because
you’ve let your drinking routine
slip. Don’t do it again! Go to the
union and hang out with the other
and despair.
LIBRA
24th September-23rd October
Everything is hanging in the
balance at the moment so make
sure you don’t step too far to
one side in case you fall off.
22nd December-20th January
Although your future may seem
bleak at the moment-don’t
stress, it’s just the weather.
Crank up the rads, put on your
bermuda shorts/bikini and your
yellow tinted sunnies, sprinkle
a little sand around and bingo!
You’re absorbing the atmos-
phere of the Caribbean.

Unlucky object; A Big Biscuit

and people will assume you’re patients from Surrey University Unlucky object; A postcard
drunk Mental Institute (why else do you from somebody actually in the
Unlucky Object; Your Doctor’s think they’ve got a nursing depart- Caribbean.
notes. ment).
Unlucky object;.Hannibal Lecter
without his false teeth.
8 Feature Thursday 18th February 1999 n

The N.H.S is in a Faffing Mess! REPUTE AND LLOYDS AGONY COLUMN

Comment by John Dear
EXCLUSIVE: RUPERT “Zorro” speaks to Rupert tried to carve a Z in her nightie
ast year the National born in 1948. During it’s first Needless to say, this was total

L Health Service celebrat-

ed its fiftieth year. It was
such a momentous occasion
six months, the NHS was so
successful at looking after the
nation’s health that even the
nonsense. These reforms most-
ly resulted in damaging a per-
fectly functioning structure.
AND LLOYD TALK TO “L.
ZORRO”

ou may have seen this

that a special fifty pence piece
was minted and tossed into cir-
culation. Health Secretary
Frank, “Duh, my brain hurts”
Dobson did something new
with his beard. However,
despite these three important
points, the NHS is still a mal-
functioning organ in Britain’s
flabby old body.
A comprehensive health ser-
vice was a dream that was
realised by the Labour party’s
most venerated government.
This government lasted from
1945 until 1951 under the bald
headed leadership of Clement
Atlee, who was assisted by
health minister Aneurin Bevan
and the ideas contained within
the Beveridge plan. After much
hard work and a small amount
of bribery, the NHS was finally
Conservative party said it was
alright for it to exist. The public
agreed, and a short film depict-
ing a young female patient
being chatted up by Bevan was
watched avidly in Britain’s cin-
emas.
The honeymoon was short.
Bevan resigned after it was
decided that nominal fees were to
be introduced. But this was only
the beginning. The NHS was des-
tined to be permanently short of
funds, criticised by upper class
newspapers and tinkered with by
successive governments.
One government that did a lot
of mainly unproductive tinker-
ing was, of course, Margaret
Thatcher’s. Firstly, millions of
pounds were spent finding out
how much operations, syringes,
etc actually cost. Before this,
nobody in the health service
really knew where the money
was going. The NHS spending
its yearly income before it
knew what it’s patients needed
exacerbated this problem. With
all this to consider, Thatcher’s
first solution made a great deal
of sense.
However, in typical Thatcher
style, there had to be some
lunacy. In 1983 it was decided
that a market system should be
imposed upon the NHS.
Hospitals were encouraged to
specialise, and to “compete”
with other publicly owned hos-
pitals for patients, rather than
co-operating with them.
General practitioners became
“fund holders”; the “pur-
chasers” of health on the
patient’s behalf, not only look-
ing for the best treatment but
for the best deal price wise.
and Lloyd about his obscene
freetime fetish. Here are
some extracts:
with a breadknife she screamed
as if I were a psycho. She took
Heidi with her back to
Dortmund for a few weeks. It
Another factor in the NHS
problem is the discovery of
new diseases and new ways of
Y man before. He calls
himself “L. Zorro,”
though his real name you will
R.P.: Mr.Zorro how did a
respectable member of society
like you get into this murky
was then that the fox so cun-
ning and free was released once
again...to flash his blade and
probably never know. In his business? avail senoritas in distress.
treating them. Back in the late
early thirties, married with a
1940’s, it was far easier for the
daughter of five, he works as My life changed the day R.P. Tell us about the first time
NHS to turn patients away, as
a corporate tax consultant Hildegard and I went to see
treatments for disease were
with an international accoun- “The Mask of Zorro” with L.Z. It was about six months
few. In those days, the NHS
tancy firm in London, earn- Antonio Banderas and ago, I think. I´d heard that aer-
was really just a big warehouse
ing £100k a year and driving Catherine Zeta Jones obics classes took place at the
containing false teeth and
to work every Monday to University of Surrey between
cheap spectacles. Nowadays,
Friday morning in a sporty L.C. So what happened? five and six every Thursday
all is different. Many more ill-
S-Reg BMW M3 But that evening. The atmosphere was
nesses have been recognised
was not the Zorro we bumped L.Z. I realised that I´d been El charged with pulsating sexual
and new medical advances can
into last Saturday. Wearing Zorro in my previous life. But tension....(sorry, we had to
deal with them. Expensive
an oversized navy overcoat like Glen Hoddle, I had been leave this bit out, as we got
treatments, such as laser
and Hi-Tec Trainers, face reincarnated as a boring git for censored last week). Then
surgery, are all the rage. This
obscured by a tartan scarf, he my sinful extracurricular pur- three glowing senoritas
means that the populace
was literally caught in the act, suits one hundred and seventy breathtlessy exited the building
expects more from the NHS,
indecently exposing himself years ago. in search of light refreshments.
and more money must be spent
to three attractive young Amusing themselves at the
to meet the public’s higher
ladies outside their Park L.C. Too much of a ladies man, expense of the male species in
expectations. Demand for treat-
Barn council house. “I huh? coarse East Sussex dialect, lit-
ment will never be completely
never thought something like tle could they have been aware
satiated, and there will always
this could happen in Park L.Z. (Flashing his coffee of the enormity of what was
be waiting lists so long as there
Barn,” said one of the terri- stained teeth like Tony Blair in about to take place. Then I
is a NHS.
fied victims. Another, clearly a grant-maintained struck! As I flashed my trusty
suffering from shock, merely girls´school) Exactamente, blade I felt once again like a
So what do the next fifty years
stammered “His sword was amigo! I tried to rejuvenate the man fulfilling his destiny. El
hold for the NHS? If Frank
much longer in the film.” passions I´d been used to in my Zorro was back!
Dobson continues to think that
former existence, but Hildegard
putting dead bodies into refrig-
In an exclusive interview would have none of it. When I L.C. So how did your victims
erated lorries isn’t a problem,
take it, Zorro?
then there isn’t much of a future.
His efforts have been disastrous.
L.Z. Victims? Victims?! How
Giving five percent of nurses a
dare you call those young
twelve- percent pay rise will fail
senoritas victims, hombre?
to make much difference.
They have been liberated by
the sword of Zorro!
Unfortunately in Britain, we
would rather have a lousy NHS
Well there you have it, folks.
and low taxes and to keep our
Zorro´s story tragically illus-
fingers crossed than vote in a
trates the moral decay of
government that will push up
Britain in the twilight of this
income tax a little to pay for a
millennium. The young
more effective health service. It
ladies of Park Barn Council
is my contention that if you
Estate were not the first vic-
want a good public health ser-
tims of this pin-striped per-
vice, you must be prepared to
vert; and we fear they won´t
pay for it.
be the last.

WORD OF To Stretch or not to stretch?

THE WEEK his was the topic of a train-
Welcome to Word of the Week, a
feature devoted to all sorts of quirks
T ing day for teachers and
coaches held
Campusport. The session was
at
in the English language, and in lead by Greg Parkin-Smith a
British culture. Basically I'm inter- Chiropractic Sports Physician.
ested in words, and strange names The idea of this article is to pass on
for things (ie villages, rivers, region- some of the information to the rest
al dialect, anything). of us.
Let's get the ball rolling then. Warming up before and cooling
down after exercise has been
Word of the Week is: POMP shown to be beneficial to sports
A nice old fashioned word don't you performance. Yet there are
think? many people who seem to think
Village of the week is: that swiping their card and run-
MIDDLE WALLOP ning up a flight of stairs is suf-
This is to be found in the depths of ficient warm up for a strenuous
Wiltshire. game of squash or lifting heavy
Local Lingo of the week is: weights in the gym.
MALLYSHAG
This is what the good folk of the Isle Warming up is important as it
of Wight call a caterpillar! prepares the body for the exer-
Anyway, I'm sure you all get the cise to come. A good warm up
idea. I want to hear from anyone will increase the suppleness of
who has any strange words / names the muscles and tendons,
etc. which the people of this univer- increase the blood flow to the
sity would muscles, raise body tempera-
really want to know about to broad- ture, increase oxygen dissocia-
en their understanding of this wacky tion and increase the speed of
world. nervous impulses.
Happy wording!
That is the Question.
Appropriate warming up also
appears to reduce the likely
hood of sports related injuries.
Stretching is an important, but
often neglected, part of the
warm up. Regular stretching
will improve and maintain the
range of motion that is possible
around a joint (otherwise
known as your flexibility!).
Maintaining good flexibility
will aid the prevention of mus-
cularskeletal injuries and is an
effective tool in their rehabilita-
tion.
Increased flexibility allows the
muscles to work more effec-
tively and allows a larger range
of motion in a joint meaning
better sports performance.
Given this information, Why
are we still not stretching
enough?
One reason is that most people
do not know how to stretch
properly.
Some Guidelines
Warm Up first
This will increase the blood flow
to the muscles and make the tis-
sues more supple. Try a little
jogging or other CV exercise.
Stretch slowly and progressively
It doesn’t have to hurt!! If it
hurts you have stretched too
far.
Hold each stretch for 12 to 20
seconds Aim to stretch all the
major muscle groups
Arms and Shoulders
Trunk and Hips
Quadriceps
Hamstrings
Calf muscles
Make stretching a major part of
you exercise routine both for
injury prevention and rehabili-
tation. To stretch properly takes
time, allow extra time so at the
start of your training session for
stretching.Cooling down after
exercise should also include
stretching. A proper cool down
will help to prevent stiffness the
day after your training session.
 n Thursday 18th February 1999 Personals & Crossword 9

Crossword No 94 Dr Russ Personals

Across
1. To stupefy (6)
4. Mimosa (6)
9. Hopelessness (7)
10. Stage parts (5)
11. A wooded ravine (5)
12. Salvoes (7)
13. Division of a railway
carriage (11)
18. Gigantic (7)
20. Prickly plants (5)
22. Deluge (5)
23. A great achievement (7)
24. Feeble from age (6)
25. Military policeman (3-3)
Solution to Crossword No.
93
Across: 1. Pacify 4.petrol
9.tango 10.eloping 11.trou-
bled 12.neat 14.relations
18.rite 20.divorcee 22.peli-
can 23.inert 24.lepers
25.street
Dear Russ
I’ve heard that selection cen-
tres often include discussion
groups as part of the assess-
ment procedure. I haven’t
got a clue what to expect.
Can you help me?
Dear Adam
Having watched a number of
discussion groups over the
years, the main thing I’ve
noticed is that they tend to
come in all sorts of shapes and
sizes. A chairperson might be
appointed or the group left
leaderless; a specific topic
might be thrown in for discus-
sion or you might be left to
develop something yourselves;
Down sometimes you are given a
1. Spanish wine-shop (6) brief beforehand, other times
2. Stale-smelling (5) you’re not.
3. A shellfish (7)
5. Boy’s name (5) Whatever form they take there
6. Irish girl (7) are a number of things you can
7. To aid (6) do to improve your perfor-
8. Evade the truth (11) mance. First of all, it is essen-
14. Obsolete (7) tial that you say something
15. An engine (7) early on. The longer you leave
16. Sticks used for sup- it, the harder it is to get going.
port (6) Don’t worry about making a
17. Accident (6) fool of yourself at this stage,
19. Knotty (5) it’s far more important to get
21. Funny (5) used to the sound of your own
voice. You will gain in confi-
Down: 1. Potato 3.candor dence the more you speak.
3.football 5.Eton 6.raise
7.lights 8.pedestrians Secondly, if you feel shut out of
13.motorist 15.secrete the discussion at any stage -
16.propel 17.sextet 19.tulip you can come back in fairly
21.scar painlessly either by compli-
Compiled by menting someone on a view or
Jeff Blackham
an opinion which they’ve
expressed or by asking them to
clarify something they’ve said.
You will be given marks for
these contributions because
they are seen as supportive and
helpful.
Thirdly, if you are chairing the
discussion you should aim to:
introduce the topic; set down
any guidelines such as encour-
aging only one person to speak
at a time; curtail overbearing
participants whilst involving
those on the fringes of the dis-
cussion; and, finally, steer the
group towards a point where
you can make a short summary
of the discussion. Keep your
eye on the clock because if you
over-run, you might be
penalised. The discussion
might even be terminated by
the examiners before you’ve
had a chance to draw it all
together and that would be dis-
astrous.
However, as with every part of
the selection procedure, don’t
panic if you think you’ve made
a mess of it. Candidates are
seldom rejected on the results
of just one exercise. What’s
more, if you stay calm and can
bounce back for the next test,
your positive attitude is certain
to impress the examiners and
will often more than compen-
sate for previous disappoint-
ments.
Russ Clark
Careers Service
■ Spikey Economist, What the
hell has happened to your dress
sense!!!!
■ Girl with long brown hair at
Chancellors for Jazz night -
you’re mighty fine!!!
■ Maria(daddy), We love you -
from your brats
■ HAS THE ELECTION SPE-
CIAL BEEN SENT TO ANY
MANAGEMENT STU-
DENTS???
■ HAVE PLACEMENT STU-
DENTS BEEN SENT FORMS
TO VOTE???
■ Twinkle will be seeking
revenge. Watch this space!!!
■ Twinkle, twinkle, little star.....
■ I love that picture of the ven-
triloquist’s dummy - anyone
got a scanner ?!!!
■ REVEREND BROWN - on
a mission from god!
■ we want Reverend Brown
back!
■ If you doubt me then you hate
me and thats all I need to know.
■ Rob,hope you had a great
21st. Love Liz,Vina,Maria
■ Male sexy wilderbeast,3B
floor 2-Maybe you should draw
your curtains next time-your
window admirers
■ Davids at uni court-we
■ Yung - Your grass was
beautiful!
■ Zaza, I’m looking forward to
par-tay-ing on my 80th!!!
■ Lisa, James, Tom and Jez,
Thanks for looking after me
again, Love K.
■ Nice juicy plums in Magaluf
■ Congratulations Jo and Joe
■ TBOGN-Says hello to all the
mad pals she lives with!
■ Anja-Look I sent you a per-
sonal!
■ Computers, bah, humbug!
■ love is all around us, its in
our house
■ its in the house and we don’t
like it
■ the (sat) staff at the restau-
rant would like to remind you
all WE’RE OPEN 10 TILL 2
■ you must be ginger too!!!
■ Plots of beardy blokes in Ap
on 11-2-99, 3:50pm.Are you
ECCENTRIC?
■ Emma T, How do you spell
ceamen?
■ Polly the green sheep
Pyjama woman, please let us
see them again!!!
■ Graham’s law - R before A
except after B!!!!
■ MissyE has a spanner w***

NOTICES
NEW MARKET
STALLS
Every Tuesday - Stall selling
cheap good quality cards, gift
wrap, notelets etc.
Weekly markets are held in the
Union building on Mon, Tues,
Thurs, Fri.
The Jiu Jitsu Club
EGM - 21st February after
the training session. 8pm
Ballroom Dancing
Society AGM March
3rd 7.30pm University Hall
Trampoline club
AGM - 3rd march
6.45pm Campusport
Rifle Club EGM
Tuesday 23rd Feb 17.30
Grant Mitchell Room -
Students’ Union
Extreme Sports
Parachute course for static line
jump -1st & 3rd of March
£80 Interested please contact
Tony at php1ae or leave a note
in the pigeon hole
Ultimate Frisbee
CampuSport Sundays 12:00 to
14:00 come along and give it a
go. Contact cs81bm
Check before it is too late!! been oiling your basket lately??
luvvvvvvvvvvv your tings!!! ■ MadPheobe has got some
The Register of Electors is published on 16th February we’re watching you both!! great tried and tested ideas for
1999. If you do not think that you have registered to vote ■ The fox has come out, she is Comic Relief!!!
you can check at the Council Offices, (Millmead, blonde (it said so on the box) ■ OI!! Snowy, stop rolling
Guildford), Public Library (North Street, Guildford), with ■ Al - TBOGN says worms around with TinTin, just keep
TICKET FOR SALE Student Union Receptionist, and those that live on need to be played running around!!!! You little
5 Nations Rugby Wales vs. Campus, with the University Post Office to see if your ■ we’re so cool, we’re so cool, tart (or not!)
Ireland, 20 Feb. Wembley £20 we’re so cool (17 people) ■ R.Perugi, THERE CAN
name is on the list.
contact emm2ne@surrey.ac.uk ■ Twinkle, twinkle little star, ONLY BE ONE ITALIAN
how I wonder who you are? STALLION AND IT IS I. Stef
Borough and Parish Elections will be held on 6th May and
LAPTOP for Sale ■ Anyone seen a bent nosed, ‘not the best looking guy in the
European Parliamentary Elections on 10th June 1999. If you left hander? world’?, don’t use my name.
Toshiba Sattelite pro 405 cs are not in the area where you wish to vote, then you may ■ It’s snowing. Spiers 1 ‘AVE IT! The ONE and ONLY I.Stallion!
CD Rom, modem, Microsoft apply to vote by post or proxy. A standard postal/proxy vote ■ Wind Band President - You ■ Emma T., you are going to
Office
£800 o.n.o.
form, known as RPF9a, is available from Council Office, know that Frank is a tank! vote for R.O.N. aren’t you? He’s
Millmead. The closing date for application for postal/proxy Thundercats HO! a good friend of yours I take it!
Tel Joel Russel on0171 723
is 20th April for Borough and Parish Elections and 25th May ■ We love ewe and your sheep ■ B.Tutt....THROW MY A
4747 or 0956 333117 Alan FRIGGING...BONE!!
for European Parliamentary Elections.
■ Maria - Turn the volume ■ BEKCYBOO...GIVE ME A
Sports Standing down ! Don’t obsess yourself BONE!!!(YOU ARE AS
Meeting Skills Development out over CK! SOUND AS A POUND)
■ Apparently A Dim Jakeway ■ RICKSHAW MAN IS WAIT-
will be held on Tuesday 23rd can make girls come with his
February (Week 6) in LTE at
UNDERSTANDING SUCCESSFUL ING FOR YOU J.BEGUM!!
knee!! Wow what a guy! ■ To South of the border,
6pm. Attendance from one club BODY LANGUAGE STUDYING ■ Small boy security Chris - Queen of the night, Tulula,
member is compulsory. Tuesday 23 February (4pm - Wednesday 24 February are you really the world’s Oscar Five(sunny),
APologies to Rob or Alex in 6pm) in the Grant Mitchell (12noon - 2pm) in the Grant best kisser?? ■ Swoosh, Kenny Ken,
Room. Mitchell Room.
the Sports Office ■ Ha ha ha Neil was the first Rainman and Rainy...We need
person this year not to get into more black
GUEST LECTURE This workshop will look at This session is led by mem- the Union on a Friday!! Happy ■ clothing...repeat we need
Lecturer: Dr. Bijan Kermani cultural issues and barriers as bers of the Student Advice birthday! more black clothing!
from British Petroleum (BP) well as identifying different Service and will look at the ■ To Zaza, Claire, Yung and ■ Silver Fox - One night and
Title: MATERIALS types of body language that areas of note-taking and revi- Ngan - thanks for a memorable she went running. Beware of
people exhibit. This interac- sion. It will give participants a
CHALLENGE FOR birthday! the old Bill!
AGGRESSIVE OIL & GAS tive session aims to challenge number of practical insights to
views and responses to certain assist studying and help with
PRODUCTION:
behaviour. Open to all stu- revision. Again, this session is
TECHNOLOGY OVERVIEW
dents but may be particularly open to all students but may be
DATE: 25/2/1999
interesting to those in student particularly relevant to inter-
TIME: 5.30 -6.30
societies or with an interest in national students or those that
VENUE: LT J (Lecture
psychology/sociology. are finding studying difficult
Theatre J)
at the moment.
Organiser: Iranian society
Language: Persian
For more details or to sign up for either or both sessions, contact
Rodney Bates on ext. 3177 or e-mail (R.Bates@surrey.ac.uk)
10 Films, Reviews & Previews
GCR CHART
& PLAYLIST
- WEEK 5
1) Blur -Tender
2) Assorted - Planet Electrica
‘PROTECTION’ - Hurricane
Appeal.
3) Mansun - Six
4) Fountains of Wayne -
Denise
5) Offspring - Pretty Fly (for
a white guy)
6) Sleater Kinney - The Hot
Rocks-(ALBUM) -Track 13
7)Stereophonics-Just
Looking - Released 22/2/99
on V2
8) Freddy Fresh - The Last
True Family Man -ALBUM
9) Skunk Anansie - Charlie Big
Potato - New Album out soon....
10) 3 Colours Red - Revolt -
ALBUM
11) Placebo - Every You
Every Me - on Virgin/Hut
12) Ruth - Waiting for this
13) Moloko - Sing it back
14) Travis - Writing To Reach
You
15) Everlast -What Its Like
16) UNKLE feat. Ian Brown -
Be There
17) The Divine Comedy -
National Express
18) Supernaturals -Everest
19) Mercury Rev - Delta Sun
- Out Now on V2
20) Propellerheads - EP -
released 8/2/99 on Wall of
Sound
Lucy Andrews 14/2/99
Thursday 18th February 1999 n
What’s On in Guildford A Bug’s Life
Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) (U) Out Now
Disney and Pixar - the creators
‘The Ultimate’ (23rd Feb / 7.45pm / Tickets £12.50 £16.50) Three legends from the
of “Toy Story” - transport you
world of traditional jazz perform at the Guildford Civic for one night only – Kenny Ball
to a fantastic, never-before-
& His Jazzmen, Chris Barber with his Jazz & Blues Band and Mr Acker Bilk & The
seen world for a computer-ani-
Paramount Jazz Band.
mated adventure filled with
outrageous comedy and heart-
Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre (01483 440000) warming fun. Or so they’d
have you think.... Anyway, the
Loot (Tues 23 Feb to Sat 27 Feb / Times vary / £10 to £20.50) Joe Orton’s Loot is one of story first. Join Flik, a brave
the funniest plays of the ‘60s. Orton’s comic masterpiece is packed with brilliant one-lin- but misguided ant, as he mis-
ers and situations which are hilariously constructed and absurdly resolved. takenly enlists a troupe of
unemployed bug performers
The New Victoria, Woking (01483 761144) from a second-rate flea circus
to help him save Ant Island
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (Mon 22 Feb to Sat 6 Mar / Times from a gang of greedy
vary / £7.50 to £21) One of the most popular and successful musicals of all time. A joy- grasshoppers. Rivetting, I’m
ously entertaining show guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a tear to your eye, sure you’ll agree.
Joseph is a sparkling rainbow mix not to be missed.
There is no doubt this looks
Wilde Theatre @ South Hill Park Arts Centre, Bracknell (01344 good. In fact I’d go as far as
484123) to say it looks splendid. The
parallels of bug society to
Hushabye Mountain (Wed 24 Feb to Sat 27 Feb / 8.00pm / £8 to £10) by Jonathan human society are quite
Harvey. Hushabye Mountain is about the reality of living with AIDS today. Gutsy, funny charming too - the young ants
and often moving, written by one of the country’s most brilliant playwrights, is a bitter- doing school plays and so on.
sweet comedy of life and the relationships within it. What doesn’t set this apart is
the story. Boredom is easy to
come by, perhaps because of
the sluggish pace (its as if
they’ve got the technology for
the pretty imagery and by Joe they’re gonna use it whether
or not its relevant to the story ) or the formulaic nature of it
all. Its not terrible, its just not great. 6/10 Daniel Jones
Prize Winners
Film Competition in Christmas issue, 10th December 1998
Sorry about the delay - prize suppliers have been sluggish.
Winners will have been notified by e-mail by now.Next
Week: A Night At The Roxbury competition
27th
 n Thursday 11th February 1999
Surrey Pride Star Profile
Number 13, Graham Swallow
SPORTS INTERNATIONAL
SOCCER :
Olympiakos Remains
Top Of The Greek
League
With one goal in each half,
Olympiakos Piraeus beat
Panelefsiniakos 2-0 on Sunday
to increase its lead in the Greek
First division soccer league.
The defending champions
stretched their lead to four
points as second-placed AEK
Vital Stats; Athens were held to a 1-1 draw
with rivals Apollon.
Age: 22
Olympiakos now have 43
Dept: LIS
points from 19 games com-
Nicknames: Doctor, the Hound, Swallow, der Hundt
Measurements: 9” (depending on the alcohol content)
pared to the 40 of AEK.
Panathinaikos shares second
[Why have scowls of derisory laughter just broke out from place with AEK, but from 18
the Women’s Rugby contingent currently visiting the BF games. Olympiakos had little
office? - Sports Ed.] difficulty beating
Sporting Interests (and why?): Tennis (I can play it!), Rugby Panelefsiniakos. The Piraeus
(for the beer!), Hounding (preserves my sense of smell!). club was more aggressive
Marital Status: Freshly divorced! throughout most of the match.
In the 29th minute, Grigoris
Georgatos took a corner kick,
and Giorgos Amanatidis gave
Personal Info; his team a 1-0 lead. Two min-
What is your favourite feature? Irrepressible face furniture!
utes into the second half,
What do you go for in a woman? Ginger, blonde, ginger,
Georgatos again provided the
brunette, ginger, strawberry, blonde, ginger.......[Striped?] golden pass to Predrag
Favourite Drink? The free ones [What a chancer ladies Djordjevic, whose blistering
shot was too strong for goalie
and gents....]
Alecos Randos.
Favourite Food? Anything my Mum cooks
Favourite Music? Anything you dont hear at the FNO
TENNIS : Mauresmo
Responds To Hingis’
Sporting Info: Homosexuality
What does Surrey Sport give you? Remarks
An overdraft, several hangovers, a life, amnesia....
What is your;
most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? Going to
Bournemouth, playing my home Club Champion and win-
French star Amelie Mauresmo
has said that world No. 1
Martina Hingis was out of line
when she made remarks about
ning the overall fixture by one game - for a place in BUSA
her homosexuality during the
nationals. Australian Open. Speaking
funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey? publicly for the first time since
Cycling back (pissed) from FNO with a mate (Brains). He the tournament, where
crashed into me, then a lampost and knocked himself out. It Mauresmo lost to Hingis in the
was my birthday and I spent the first 4 hours in Casualty. final, the 19-year-old vowed to
worst injury? A broken heart (boo hoo, sniff sniff!) ignore the focus on her sexual-
ity and seek to win a Grand
worst STD? How do you define worst?!? [Yours, Swallow!]
Do you have any sporting superstitions? Slam event this year. Before
the final of the showpiece
Never play with another man’s balls!
event, Swiss player Hingis, was
How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? reported to have said “she’s
What Private life! here with her girlfriend, she’s
Is sex better before or after sport? Before, after, during - why half a man,” when asked about
say no? [Especially after a two month lean spell, eh, mate?] her opponent. Two weeks later,
Who is your sporting role model? Fabrizio Ravanelli - he Mauresmo said she is looking
manages to make loads of money with little talent and lots to learn from her experiences in
Melbourne. Mauresmo, the
of effort [like Boyzone!]
first top player since Martina
Which sports personality would you most like to meet? Navratilova to talk publicly
Anna Kournikova (for some one-on-one coaching, of course!) about being gay, won the
Sum yourself up in 3 words? Pissed up c#*t! [Taking the French Open and Wimbledon
Golden shower thing a bit far mate!] junior titles in 1996, and is
shooting up the world rankings,
Bowen’s nominated question; Allegedly, you’ve been climbing from No. 109 at the
likened to a particular breed of canine. Would you care start of last year to her current
to elaborate on this and tell us if your facial ornaments position of No. 18. Now, her
aim is to win a Grand Slam
are real or not? Hound - due to an apparent ability and kee-
event.
ness to ‘hound’ members of the opposite sex [not unlike a
starved rabid dog]. Of course the facial ornaments are real
BASKETBALL :
[who’d wear fake stoats on his face?]
Rodman To Sign
Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question With Lakers
would you like added to the profile list for next weeks
Dennis Rodman, known for his
Star, the as yet unknown incoming Sports Officer?
dyed hair and cross-dressing as
Will you prefer whips or sticks in your attempts to control well as his ferocious defence
the untameable Sports Administrator in the cuboidal arena and rebounding, has decided to
of death known as the Sports Office? play for the Los Angeles
Cheers, Swallow (he howls at the moon!) and I’ll say no Lakers, the Los Angeles Times
more as the race to answer his question draws to a cli- reported. Rodman, the NBA’s
max (No, Graham, we’re not talking about you again!). seven-time rebounding champ
and the league’s most flamboy-
Sporting Correspondent
George Pavlou
ant player, has agreed to play
for $1 million. He will also earn
$3 million from an endorse-
ment contract with Converse.
The 6-foot-8 forward, the
NBA’s top rebounder in each of
the last seven seasons, was lay-
ing low before finally agreeing
to meet with Lakers officials
last week. Rodman’s signing
would be a boost for the Lakers,
which failed to sign a marquee
power forward to help O’Neal
shoulder the rebounding bur-
den. However, the Lakers
would find it difficult to control
Rodman’s temperament and
bizarre behaviour. Three sea-
sons ago he was suspended by
the NBA for head-butting a ref-
eree. A season later he was sus-
pended by the Chicago Bulls
for swearing on a live postgame
show and by the league for
kicking a photographer in the
crotch during a game.
Rodman’s arrival would cap a
bizarre past two months in
which Rodman announced he
was retiring, then changed his
mind and said he wanted to
return to professional basket-
ball. His career scoring average
is just 7.5 points, but he is one
of the greatest rebounders in
league history with a 13.2 aver-
age. No other player won seven
straight rebounding titles.
ATHLETICS :
Gebrselassie Sets
New World Record
Haile Gebrselassie claimed his
15th world record on Sunday in
the BUPA Open in
Birmingham, cutting 1.10 sec-
onds off the indoor 5,000-meter
mark owned by his major rival
Daniel Komen. Five seconds
behind world record pace with
1,000 meters to go and by now
running without pacemakers,
the Ethiopian Olympic 5,000-
meter gold medalist and out-
door world record-holder was
in range of Komen’s 12 min-
utes, 51.48 seconds as he hit
the final bend with three strag-
glers in his way. Gebrselassie
lost time as he wriggled
through the trio but charged
down the final straight to win
in 12:50.38. Five hundred of
his countrymen were among
the 7,000 fans in the National
Indoor Arena cheering him on.
In other key events, Cuban
world record-holder Javier
Sotomayor high-jumped 7 feet,
61/2 inches, and Jamaica’s
James Beckford long-jumped
26-113/4 to edge rival Ivan
Pedroso by three-quarters of an
inch.
Surrey Pride
Campusport News
Squash - UniS, Guildford
came through their latest match
against Chichester 3-2 and are
now almost sure of top spot in
their group giving them a home
draw in the play offs. The
Varsity Centre was packed to
the rafters to watch an exiting
dual between the top two. For
information on the playoffs
contact I.Woodley@surrey.
7 Student Helpers
Required
-for the Surrey Careers Services
Higher Education Convention
on Friday 23rd April. You will
be needed approx 7am-4pm for
general duties in helping the
exhibitors. Pay is £36 for the
day. Contact me at the sport
centre reception to fill in the
necessary forms for payment.
Shop - Our offer of a reduction
of 15% on ALL footwear has
been received very well by visi-
tors to the Sport Centre this
month. Continuation of this
could lead to a permanent deci-
sion of a mark up of 20% less
than High Street full retail prices.
Golf - Indoor teaching/coach-
ing facility is on its way to the
Sport Centre - to include video
analysis equipment. For more
details contact Geoff Wheeler
via Campusport. The student
BUSA team play their 1st round
First Past the Post
mixed bag of results last
A weekend; Island Chief
did not take on Step on
Eyre at Haydock, but both won
comfortably as favourites.
Earthmover was most disap-
pointing in falling at the third at
Newbury, a performance which
has seen his odds for the Gold
Cup pushed out to 25’s. The big
race of the week, the Tote Gold
Trophy, was won by Decoupage
at 6-1, with the rest of the places
being claimed by outsiders. So
I now have 17 winners from 42
- still not too bad!
Some more Mitsubishi races
coming up this Saturday, with
the Japanese car manufacturer
sponsoring the Ascot Chase
over nineteen and a half fur-
longs. The two ante-post
favourites, Teeton Mill and
Direct Route, remained entered
at the five day stage, but I’m
steering clear - I suspect the for-
mer would find it too sharp,
while the latter may not last.
Either way, neither are sure
starters, so try Super Coin. In
the Gerrard Group
Reynoldstown Novices’ Chase,
Atavistic steps up in class, while
Marlborough returns to his pre-
ferred distance of an extended
three miles following a fall last
week. However, Spendid should
be more than good enough to
take this. Another race for the
stayers at Newcastle sees recent
Singer and Friedlander winner,
Him of Praise, try and continue
his good pre-National form in
the four mile one furlong Tote
Eider Chase. He must have it
soft and slow, however, and the
only other runner I like the look
of is Santa Concerto. At
11
proper against Herts on Weds
17th Feb at Farnham Golf Club.
Spectators welcome.
Vertex Climbing
Newsletter coming soon, news,
views and developments - avail-
able via the wall. Beginners
Climbing Course 3rd March 7-
8pm for four weeks £35.
Campusport
Administrator
- is away sunning it on her
25th Anniversary. All
enquiries to myself or Jane
Macleod on x9298.
‘Beers of the World’
Exhibition - at the Varsity
Centre on Friday 19th March
5.30-11pm. Free entrance and
over 40 beers to choose from.
I.Woodley@surrey.
Latino Evening - at the
Varsity Centre on Friday 12th
March featuring a salsa/lamba-
da workshop, a mexican meal
and a free tequilla, & disco -
£7, student/concs £4.75.
Contact P.Robbins@surrey.
BUSA National
Trampolining
Championships
- at the Sport Centre on
Sunday 14th March - spectators
welcome.
by Eddie
Warwick, Michael Page has
most of the card, and I’m focus-
ing on the two mile
International Kingmaker
Novices’ Chase. After unseat-
ing his rider on his last two out-
ings over longer distances,
Mister Morose must be lacking
confidence, and is probably best
watched. Flagship Uberalles has
been looking worthy of a place
in one of the top Cheltenham
novice races all season, and
should win this easily.
Beleaguered chase handicap-
per, Phil Smith, put his recent
worries behind him as he
released the weights for the
Martell Grand National, play-
ing down the so-called ‘Aintree
Factor’ in compiling the list. Of
the 80-plus entrants, 29 are in
the handicap proper, with a fur-
ther 8 disqualified. One needs
to return to Rubstic in 1979 for
a winner from outside of the
handicap. Early odds were
immediately snapped up for
both Double Thriller and
Eudipe. It should be interest-
ing to see if any of the early
entrants are keen on attempting
a National-Gold Cup double, a
feat not achieved since Golden
Miller in 1936. Three weeks
between the chase season’s two
flagship races should be
enough to recover. Bathroom
company, Faucets, has com-
pleted the signing of a 6 week,
£50,000 jockey sponsorship
deal. The pact should be
cleared in order for riders to
begin sporting logos at the
Cheltenham Festival in mid-
March, covering the Aintree
meeting and finishing on
Whitbread Gold Cup day.
 Surrey Pride
S.U.R.F BOYS ARE BACK!! There Can Be Only One!
Surrey 1st XV 28 – 12 Old Alleynians XV Paul Cliff, Sports Editor

e set off from Hummers to play front sure was regained by a

W
ow are you? Feeling bly raced to the placed ball and absolutely wankered on
Senate
usual on a
Saturday, hungover, late
as row – FOR THEM!!
Then disaster, being
camped on their line they
few from the Skipper
and anyone else who
thought they would
H energetic? Frisky? Full
of the joys of Spring?
Filling your keen, pink lungs
hoofed it into touch before any
Brazilian had touched the bal-
lon. Sheer comic genius. You
Company time (so to speak!)
and those of us who refrain
from excessive Friday night
and full of banter. The suddenly became injured ‘gob-off’. Shortly after with the sharp February air, have to applaud the man’s alcohol consumption play the
stories from FNO (and and it went to uncontested their try a bull dozing safe in the knowledge that cheek! ‘How many fellas/birds turn up
what followed) occu- scrums, aaarrgghh. solo effort from a close Summer and all it’s pleas- to their Saturday morning
pied more time than the range tapped penalty by antries are but a few short Here’s to another successful sports meets wearing Tuxes/
tactics to be followed. The deadlock was final- Bimbo increased our months and several long exams Wednesday of BUSA/ SESSA Ball dresses’.
The team being made up ly broken after a series lead once more. The away? Bastards! Being current- knockout sport (toasted with a
of a few faces being of commanding mauls centres of Brad and ly riddled with an awful head- mug of Lemsip and a Strepsil Pity the poor fella who’ll be
scraped from the bottom by the few forwards Sven continued to make cold and a throat which is dryer Extra) and the hope that we’re bumping into the missus’ par-
of the barrel, yours truly who had not decided to surging runs through the than Jack Dee drinking Martini all fit and ready to quaff again ents on the way to the match
being a prime candidate, hang off, nicely done midfield, with Owen and ginger, it is safe to say that in time for the Kronenbourg though - I couldn’t wish that on
having run no further AJ, Axle Foley, Grubby achieving tackle of the I am not the happiest cub at the and Jack Daniel’s sponsored my worst enemy!!!
than One-stop since last and Shane, the power day, by nailing Phil “I camp! Not by a long shot! Saturday Sports Preparation
September. and stomach of Ginger got hit by a car” Humby Programme (aka The Charter Vote For Sport; Vote For the
Ben Dewen bursting without the ball. Old With election fever also adding Ball) as next years Sabbaticals Surrey Pride
The came got underway through and scoring Alleynians scored again to the infectious maelstrom enjoy their first chance to get
once the boys had decid- between the uprights. late in the game but it buzzing around my head at the
ed who was to be cap- was too little to late as moment 90% of my body’s cur-
tain, in the absence of
Cheeky, Langley,
Half time 7-0. Soon
after the restart Aesop
Surreys forth try was
run in after a glorious
rent energy expenditure is cur-
rently focused on Paracetamol
Dictionary Corner
Bugger and the like – found himself in a little display of handling metabolism, so please excuse tonsils n.pl. the small bodies, one on each side, covered
Well Done Matt space and, with the from both forwards and my lack of focus. by mucous membrane, embedded in the fauces between
Phillips. thought of his sister backs by Bimbo. the palatine arch; composed of about 10 - 18 lymph folli-
watching giving his I must admit to being some- cles.
The sun was high in the elastic legs enough to Athers played in full what cheered up over the week-
sky, the pitch was good evade the tackle, saw French style at full end by Kanu’s antics in tonsillectomy n. surgical removal of the tonsils, also
and the supporters were him slice between the back, continually using Saturday’s FA Cup game known as an ‘act of God’, and is rumoured to be part of
in full verse, (thanks to defence and raise our his pace to run out of between Arsenal and Sheff Utd the Christening ritual in some future generations of the
Lyndsey and Aesops sis- lead. The usual story of defence, a very well (see this weeks Sports Cliff family.
ter). Anyway enough set- Surrey, getting in the deserving Man of the International). Kanu’s explana-
ting the scene and on to lead and then falling Match. [The style was tion of “an accident” puts me in tonsillitis n. inflammation of the tonsils, also known as
the match, we started asleep, Hummers very adopted due to lack of mind of Zambia’s Thomas Nodes of Bastuardos, commonly filled with crushed
quite well until big Pete nearly trundled in for ability with the boot, Kissadi, in the 1974 World glass, barbed wire or rose thorns, causing repeated cough-
decided he had to go off them but was thankfully apparently]. Well Cup, who, as the referee blew ing and retching and the production of green bouncy
as he’d forgotten how to restrained, but soon played to all the boys in the whistle for a Brazilian free aliens which refuse to rinse down the plug hole despite
play, and then the high- after they managed to ending the long spell of kick to commence, inexplica- the best efforts of a chisel and blow torch.
light, (In AJ’s eyes), score, 14-7. Our compo- defeats. BIMBO