Ticket Id: 146925

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games
by children and young people. What mental and physical problems
may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these
problems be reduced?
On the cutting-edge of technology, computer games become a greater
attraction for children compared to other entertainments. An excessive
playing is concerned due to its detrimental effects both in physical and
mental. In this case, caused and solutions will be discussed here.
It is by all means clear that long-time watching computer screen harms
humans eyes and can cause a vision problem. Moreover, while playing
game, children and youngsters hardly move themselves and this leads to a
sedentary lifestyle which causes obesity in substantial people. Furthermore,
violence in game influences directly to children who cannot discriminate
whether is an appropriate behavior. In addition to isolation issue, children
who spend more time on computer dont know how to socialize with their
friends. Therefore, all of these affect their physical and mental
characteristics when they become to adult.
In order to reduce the problems, family and adults (parents, foster parents,
guardians and teachers) have to play a key role in this point by increasing
concentration and caring on their offspring. Having an outdoor activity
together, for example camping and hiking, will support their physical health
and interaction skill and prevent them from the excessive computer use.
While playing under supervision reduce a tendency of absorbing violent
patterns. Finally, teaching children and young people to manage time and
determine advantages and disadvantages of computer game by themselves
may be the best way to decrease this concern.
To summarise, spending more time on computer games causes children and
teenagers to physical and mental effects such as vision problem, obesity and
violence. Consequently, family and adults should pay more attention on their
descendants to ameliorate this situation.
Evaluation Report
Word count
Comments

272
The ideas are presented coherently; it is
evident that the writer progresses from
one idea to another. There are some
attempts to use more sophisticated words

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Ticket Id: 146925

Tuesday, September 20, 2016
but they are sometimes inaccurate. Also,
there are some errors in grammar and
sentence structures. Overall, the task
response needs further improvements.
Estimated Band
Score
Suggestions

Helpful links

6.0
1. Revise grammar.
2. Learn more vocabulary and improve
choice of words.
3. Read sample essays from our website.
4. Always proofread the task response
after finishing it.
5. Keep practicing to improve your
performance.
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Ticket Id: 146925

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

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