Between a Rock and a Dark Place

High school: a masquerade where adolescents adorn their most

fashionable disguise and seek acceptance. We spend countless hours
shifting our personas, drifting from click to click, hoping to find where we
belong. I constantly participated in this charade, despite the conflict I felt
with my integrity and finding myself lost in the facade. As time passed I
came to resent the concealment of my identity from the friends I had
accumulated. I feared to say the wrong thing, exposing my genuine self,
and alienating my so called friends.

Eventually, hopefully, we each experience a period of self-discovery and

begin developing relationships that have true meaning. Meandering along,
we locate the niche we desperately sought. Personally, I feel indescribable
relief in no longer obligating myself to the game, and finding a place I
belong.

It is human nature to desire the experience of social acceptance. This

journey is a natural path; a phase of development that requires only the
most base awareness. Most of us risk little when we expose our identities
and drop our disguises. At most, we may experience alienation or rejection.

However, for transgender individuals revealing such an identity runs the

risk of losing ones life, job, or deepest relationships. Those brave enough
to reveal their true selves face exceedingly difficult hardships. These
experiences include but are not limited to violence, stereotyping, and
discrimination.

A personal friend of mine faced a plethora of these hardships recently. In

transit to a social gathering, she was assaulted. Three men noticed that
she was transgender while she was walking down the street. They
proceeded to assault and rape her, leaving her fearing for her life. Her
family was informed by the police that she was a victim of a hate crime.
The police explained what had happened to her. In doing so the police
revealed that their supposed son was transgender. Appalled by the new
discovery they refused to support her.

A few months later I heard her speaking at one of the support groups she
attends. She was speaking about her experience, responding to the valid
fear expressed by an individual struggling to come out of the closet.

She said, It doesn't matter if I am scared, I cant show people that I am

scared, even after everything I have been put through. I must keep going.

Either we can live afraid, and let people hide us in shadows with fear, or we
can live boldly. I am beyond grateful I can finally live as I am, and I will
never stop fighting for the right to be who I am.

After the group was concluded I asked her to tell me more, How can
you just go on, how can you not be afraid after an experience like that?

Its like being stuck between a rock and a dark place. She answered, Im
still afraid but there is only one way to go. Ill face the dark if it means I can
keep going.

My limited experiences within the transgender community, and researching

transgender experiences at large, often encompass the same poignant
reality: no human has a choice of being who they are. There are few of us
who can change our fundamental personalities or the passions that call to
us. I have heard it expressed time and time again that realizing you are
transgender is something like learning to breathe after holding your breath
your entire life. You can only hold your breath for so long before you gasp
for air.

Recently we have heard a number of horrendous assumptions targeting the

transgender community. It has been frequently argued that allowing
transgender individuals to use their preferred bathroom will put cis-gender
women in danger, and make cis-gender men uncomfortable. It has been
heavily and frequently implied that transgender individuals are sexual
deviants. These claims have no empirical support. In fact, the opposite is
true, as this prejudice has lead to an increase in hate crimes. At least half
of transgender people have experienced some form of violent harassment
in their lifetime (Lombardi, Emilia, Priesing, Malouf, 2002).

We have all struggled to accept ourselves and to find the acceptance of

others. Each of us has felt the pang of rejection, the fear of loss, or the
grief of a broken heart. Which of us would wish such pain on another
individual simply for preferring to take on different roles and appearances?
We must recognize the consequences of fear and prejudice, and
acknowledge both reason, compassion, and logic when faced with the
advancing world around us. All individuals, regardless of gender or belief
system, deserve the right to coexist alongside the rest of humanity, without
prejudice and violence.

Lombardi, Emilia L., et al. "Gender violence: Transgender experiences with

violence and discrimination." Journal of homosexuality 42.1 (2002): 89-101.