1

College Comp II

Period 1

4/27/10

Grandpa’s Problem

IV. The Ghost

I guess you could say that the day he sold Cindy Lou had finally marked he was

gone. I mean the man that lay in front of me couldn’t be Grandpa! Grandpa would’ve

been the one playing me a tune until I drifted off to sleep. Grandpa would live off of early

mornings and late nights in the field! Grandpa wouldn’t need help getting in the tractor,

and he could sure as hell run that International Harvester with his eyes closed! The man

that lay in front of me was hardly capable of walking! What the hell went wrong? Why

couldn’t things just be the way they use to be?

As much as I wanted to scream out all of these questions in my head, I just held it

all in. Finally a song had come to mind that brought me peace. It was a song that

reminded me of everything Grandpa use to be from beginning until this present day. I

began to play “Grandpa Told Me So” by Kenny Chesney.

I. Early Years

Grandpa Ole was a blue collared, shit-shoveler. He would wake up, drink a pot of

coffee, and still make another pot for his thermos, all before the sun could even peek over

the trees. I use to sleep on the couch in the living room when I would stay there and I can

always recall hearing Grandma rustling around in the kitchen at 4 a.m. She would get up
 2

just before Grandpa, so she could have a lunch packed for him so he could just grab it

and walk out the door.

Olaf was a very handsome man. He would always wear a long sleeved, denim

shirt with a white-t underneath and his faded blue jeans were held up by John Deere

suspenders. His face was beginning to show age around his eyes, but this was very well

disguised by a tan that would even put Hailey Johnson to shame! His eyes were a clear

sky blue, his smile was bright, and his thick, white hair seemed to have a natural flip that

would flow when it was touched by the wind. His hands were strong and steady, and his

stride was full of confidence.

Grandpa was a man of confidence. I could always tell just by the way he operated

the tractor. When he would throw me over his shoulders and pull himself up the ladder.

He would jump behind the wheel and set me down on the armrest (which is a very

uncomfortable spot) and he would effortlessly crank the throttle, stomp in the clutch, and

put it into gear without any grinding. At such a young age it just amazed me at how good

he was at running this machine! He could play with the radio, carry on conversations with

me, and still make perfect rows. The best was when Grandpa let me sit on his lap and

steer because that meant I didn’t have to sit on that armrest. The old 1086 International

Harvester would wince to just about every bump or gopher mound in the field and

truthfully it was beginning to make my tailbone very raw. But the pain would all go away

once I was focused on the row of crop in front of me. Grandpa would coach me with

every turn. “Take er wide ma boy! We don’t wanna roll er!”

“Have you ever rolled a tractor before Grandpa?” I had to ask.

“Yes Squash! Many times when I wus yur age. But remember, der are two kins of
 3

people in dis here world. The quick and the dead!”

V. A Songs of Memories

If you don't get in the water you're never gonna learn to swim

He said a snake is just as scared of you as you are of him

He could tell by the moon when the fish would bite

Seems there was nothing that he didn't know

And as a kid I believed 'cause Grandpa told me so

Although Grandpa never did spend much time in the water or messing around

with snakes, he did seem to know and teach me many things as I grew up. He taught me

that the sun rose in the east and set in the west. He was never much of a hunter, but he

knew when the deer would be out just by looking at the moon. He would always stop

whatever he was doing to give me a life lesson. I always remember him saying,

“Remember Squash, anytin’ dats free jus ain’t wort havin! The only tings dat mean

anytin’ at all are the tings ya work fer!” Grandpa always seemed to have the answers, and

I learned so much from him.

II. The Bootlegging Bandits

It was a dark night that was perfect to for some mischief. The darkness worked as

a giant blanket, covering us from the enemy. The stillness was disrupted by the high-

pitched whine of our Sportsman 500 as it carried three shadowy figures towards the lights

of the farmhouse. We turned off the headlights once we were halfway through the field
 4

and let off the throttle so we would not wake the cattle in the pasture nearby. We need our

attack to be as blind as possible!

Once we reached the end of the trail, we killed the engine and walked the rest of

the way. Every step we took on the gravel of that huge driveway seemed to pop like POP-

ITS were under our shoes. What we were about to do was impossible but we were too

desperate to sit back and just do nothing. We need to steal all of the loot!

“Come on Dani, you need to keep up or else you should’ve just stayed at the

wheeler!”

“Yea, well maybe you should walk a little faster too! Cause if I catch up to you, I

swear I’m gunna kick you in the balls Lane!”

I just smiled as I listened to my two cousins bicker at one another. We were still

about 200 yards from the house and there was no way Grandma and Grandpa could hear

us.

It was about three hours from sunrise and we knew no one would be awake to see

what we were about to do. If we want this mission to be successful, we need to stick to

our strategy.

Once we reached the grain bins that sat between the shop and the house, I had to

make an announcement. “Okay Comrades, welcome to Operation: Dusty Bottles! We

need to attack quickly, quietly, and efficiently! Lane, you go to the shop and take the

boxes of loot and Dani and I will take what’s in the pickup. Any questions?” Please don’t

ask any questions! It’s way too close to go time.

“Yea, so wait, why can’t I go with you to take the stuff from the pickup?”

AHHH! “Because Dani isn’t strong enough to lift the boxes Lane, but you are!”
 5

“Okay then Josh,” Lane said as he stuck out his lip and gazed at the ground.

Come on Josh, just let him come with you. Everything will still go smoothly. “Fine

Lane, we will all go together. But we need to be quiet and we need to work fast! Soldiers,

are you ready to begin this dangerous mission?”

My cousins straightened their posture, saluted, and whispered intensely, “SIR

YES, SIR!”

IT WAS ON!!!

I. Early Years

I remember I use to listen to pure rock n’ roll at this time. I was about 3 years old

and was still rocking the mullet. But Grandpa wasn’t much on Def Lep, so I always had

to settle for his fiddled out country music. Now I know Charlie Daniels ain’t no Eddie

Van Halen, but after those long hours I had spent locked in that International Harvester,

he wasn’t sounding too bad to me!

My Grandpa Ole always loved music with a passion. I would fall asleep to him

playing his guitar. It was an old Epiphone, with dark, cherry colored trim on the outer

edge. The main body was a golden brown with darker wood grains that stretched

vertically across the guitar. This guitar appeared to be as standard as they come, but to

Grandpa, this guitar meant everything! He called her Cindy Lou.

Whenever I could see Cindy Lou’s glossy figure come into site, I would always

beg Grandpa to play “Rednecks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer” which was made

famous by Johnny Russell.

If Grandpa was out in the field and I wanted to hear that song, I would take
 6

matters into my own hands. I knew that Grandpa let Cindy Lou sit in the corner of his

room. The only problem was that there was a magazine rack in my way. But that could

not stop my determination! Grandma walked in and found me sprawled across the

magazine rack, plucking at the strings on old Cindy Lou singing, “Ohh we don’t fit in

with that white collar crowd, they’re a little too rowdy and a little too loud!” But that was

about the end of my little moment in the spotlight because Granny gave me a butt

chewing. No one touched Cindy Lou besides Grandpa and I knew that!

Josh sneaking over the magazine rack to play Grandpa’s

favorite guitar
(Grandma’s comment)

III. A Strange Change

Once I reached elementary school, I wasn’t able to stop around the farm much to
 7

see Grandma and Grandpa. Over the rest of my younger years nothing seemed to change

with Grandpa until about 7th grade. I stayed there for about two weeks after I had been at

bible camp. It was always just a good place for me to get a fresh start with my life. No

friends, no MSN, no phone service, no troubles at all! Maybe Grandpa will teach me how

to drive the tractor on my own!

I pulled into the driveway just as the sun began to dip below the tree line to the

west. I was surprised to see Grandpa’s truck parked up along side of the farmhouse. The

house was on top of a small hill and Grandpa’s truck had dug into the grass from his

knobby tires pulling its weight up the hill. This was very strange because NOBODY

drove on Grandma’s grass! You would only do such a thing if you wanted a bunch of pots

and pans thrown at you! Her grass was literally Tiger Woods, PGA approved! Plus

Grandpa would never be home before sunset, he would always stay out until darkness

had completely set in. Maybe Grandma needed the pickup to haul furniture and parked

as close to the house as possible. This seemed like a reasonable conclusion until I noticed

that somebody was actually in the pickup. “Too Old to Cut the Mustard” was blasting

through the speakers and rattled the door panels of that old GMC.

“Grandpa? Is that you?”

“Yes Jarrrrsshhhhh, I’m yur graanppaa!”

The figure that was sitting in the pickup looked nothing like the handsome Olaf

Watne I had seen before! His hair had lost its silver shine and was just a groggy grey

mass that lay lamely on his head. His white t-shirt was dirtied and his John Deere

suspenders were falling off of his shoulders. But the large mug filled with ice and a pale

yellow liquid that sat in his lap had answered all of my questions about what was so
 8

strange about this scene. Grandpa had started drinking again and according to

www.alcoholics-info.com, grandpa was in the second stage of alcoholism. I would soon

realize he was “Drinking because of dependence rather than for stress relief.” He would

also begin to experience “Sporadic loss of control and increasing physical problems.”

V. A Song of Memories

He talked Daddy into letting me have my first car

I thought I was really something 'til Becky Thompson broke my heart

That first taste of love nearly did me in

Getting over her slow

And I knew someday I would 'cause Grandpa told me so

Once I had reached the 9th grade and had spent many summers helping Grandpa in

the fields, he convinced my dad that it was time for me to get my first car.

I was a stylin dude back in those days and I happened to be quite the ladies man. I

knew that I needed a car that would suit my cool reputation and a Camaro was the perfect

fit! I was shocked to see a pearly white Camaro parked in the shop that was just for me! It

had four quarter sized rust spots on the driver side quarter panel, but I didn’t care. All I

could think about was This is soooo friggin cool! I’m gunna make me a CD loaded with

AC/DC and blow the speakers in this beast!

I felt like a king the day Grandpa gave me my car, until something happened that

pissed on my parade and brought me back down to earth. Caitlin Sorvig dumped me that
 9

evening so that she could move on to better things. Wow! I guess I’m not as cool as I

thought I was…

Grandpa noticed I was bumbed because I hadn’t eaten anything for two days.

“Wus wrong wit ya Squash?” he asked.

“My girlfriend broke up with me Grandpa! My life is over! I will never love

again!”

Grandpa sat there for awhile processing what I had just said, until a slight grin

began to slide across his face. “Yer gotta lot to learn ma boy! Women are jus like dem

freight trains, deres always another one comin’ down the tracks! Dere ain’t a woman in

dis here world wort cryin over, cus all dey do is chew yer ass and spend all yer money!”

Ohh boy! This was my baby! This is my ‘85 Camaro that

Grandpa bought me when I had turned 14! She is still one of
my pride and joys because it was my dream car, my first car,
and also because Grandpa bought it for me. It was our project
and I hope to have her in top shape one day before Grandpa
passes!
 10

II. The Bootlegging Bandits

I led the way, running to each piece of machinery in the yard and using it as

shelter from the enemy. As soon as I saw the coast was clear, I would give some kind of

Navy Seal sign that I had seen on a video game. But this was no video game, this was a

real life mission! The closer we came to the house, the less cover we had. It was about

time for us to make a decision. Do we want to army crawl, or do we book it to the

targeted position?

“Alright men, we” but I was quickly cut of by Dani.

“Ehemm! Aren’t you forgetting something?” she said, with a hand on her hip and

her finger waving in the air.

“Alright men and woman! We need to crawl the rest of the way so we are not

spotted by Charlie.”

“Josh?”

Oh for the love of Pete! “What now Lane?”

“Who is Charlie? I don’t know anyone by the name of Charlie,” he asked

“It’s another name for the enemy, now please stop using my real name when we

are so close to enemy lines Commander! I don’t want Charlie to discover our identity!” I

hissed.

We crawled all the way up the hill until all three of us were basically under the

frame of the pickup. “Okay now, on the count of three we I’m going to take the loot in

the box of the pickup, and you guys take the other stuff inside the cab. One, two, three!”

With that we sprung into action!

 11

III. A Strange Change

Only about five years ago, Grandpa had experienced a heart attack due to his

failure to take care of his diabetes. His bad habits such as drinking, smoking, chewing,

and feasting on steak and potatoes every night also didn’t help with his medical

dysfunction either. The doctor had told him that he needed to change his lifestyle or else

he wouldn’t live anymore than three years! Ha! Well that doctor was a fool to think that

Grandpa would change against his own will. He was talking to the most stubborn son of

a bitch in the world!

Maybe he just drank yesterday, I mean he has stayed away from straight whiskey

for quite some time. Yea, it had to have been a one-time thing! My wishful thinking had

been far from the truth.

Grandpa must’ve been on quite a run because I even managed to wake up before

he had gotten out of bed. Although he may have been hung over, he still planned to hit

the fields for the day because I could hear the low growl from the idling International

Harvester that was sitting in the yard.

Once Grandpa had finally groomed himself and was ready to roll, he gimped his

way down the sidewalk and I walked closely behind him to make sure he didn’t trip. Man

Grandpa has really lost coordination!

Once we reached the tractor, Grandpa turned to me with a grin and said, “Would

ya mine helpin’ an ol’ man up dis here ladder? My ol’ frame is experiencing a bit of

stiffness my boy!”

I’m sure he wasn’t surprised to see me pause and raise my eyebrows in disbelief.
 12

The truth was, that I needed to process everything that was going on! How could he do

such a thing to himself? He has lost so much to that bottle in such a small amount of

time. Well I guess it could be worse, he could be crawling into the house at nights instead

of stumbling! “Sure Grandpa, you just pull on the rail and I will push you from

underneath.”

Although Grandpa didn’t need too much help, it was still a great struggle for him

to get up the ladder. His legs were like jelly underneath him and his arms shook

vigorously as he pulled himself up. After a short struggle, he was finally in the cab of the

tractor.

“Thanks Squash! Oh crap! I furgot my Cowboy Candy on my bed! Would ya

mine goin‘ up to da house an grabbin er for me?” he asked.

“Sure thing Grandpa!” I raced back up to the house and into Grandpa’s room.

There on his half made bed, was the blue Skoal can. As I reached out to pick it up, my

hand froze as soon as my fingers grazed the top of the tin. Out of the corner of my eye, I

spotted the oddest sight out of anything I had seen yet! It was Cindy Lou! She was sitting

in her usual corner, only now something was very different about her.

II. The Bootlegging Bandits

I barrel rolled one time so I was on the driver side of the truck and then jumped up

to grab the loot. It wasn’t that hard to find, because it was the only thing in the box

besides a flathead shovel, and one hundred Busch Light cans. The loot was located in a

big blue cooler.

I finally managed to pulled it out of the box of the pickup, and pop off the lid. I
 13

was surprised to see that the whole bottom was neatly stacked with beer cans and an

unopened Windsor bottle laid across the top. I need to make this look like a legit robbery!

But how?

It only took me a second to come up with a brilliant idea. I went back to the box

and used the cooler as a stool. I began to collect enough empty cans to match the amount

in the cooler and even found an empty Windsor bottle buried beneath all of the garbage. I

quickly pulled out everything that was in the cooler and refilled it with the empty ones.

Ha! Now that old fool wouldn’t think of us taking it all! He will have no idea where it is!

I grabbed the loot and took it down to the bottom of the hill and waited for Lane

and Dani to finish their assignment. After about five minutes Lane hopped out of the

pickup with a box of whiskey and Dani was using her shirt as a basket for all of the cans.

We threw all of the odds and ends they had collected in a pile in front of the shop. Next

we had to check the shop for Grandpa’s secret stash. This is going to be an easy task

because it’s a long ways from the house and it’s in the darkest corner of the yard. “Lane,

you should starting hiding the loot all over in the junkyard so that the enemy cannot find

it. Dani and I shouldn‘t need any help with what is in the shop.”

Lane made sure he responded with a, “Yes Sir!” and he scurried off to complete

his assignment.

Dani and I proceeded to the doorstep of the shop and we were hit with shock once

we had opened the door and flipped on the lights. OH MY LORD! This would be a total

jackpot for any college student! There were literally 20 huge boxes stacked up on the far

side of the shop. Each box read: Windsor Canadian Whiskey! Every box had eight half-

gallon jugs of whiskey. Gosh, that’s enough whiskey to feed ten of the world’s largest
 14

drunk for a whole year! Where the hell are we going to hide all of this? Lane was already

back from hiding the other stuff. He walked through the door and stopped beside us

looking very confused. “Did you guys find any more of the loot?” But neither Dani, nor I

could answer that question. We just sat and stared at the boxes dumbfounded. “What are

you guys… HOLY SHIT THAT’S A LOT OF WHISKEY!”

III. A Strange Change

No! It couldn’t be! There must have been at least three years of dust on that guitar.

It looked as though everything in the house was cleaned except for her! But she was

Grandpa’s baby! I mean Grandma use to joke about how he loved that guitar more than

he loved her.

All I could do was just shake my head to regain consciousness from all that I had

seen in the last 24 hours. This place seemed to be so foreign to me. Why is everything so

weird? Why did it take Grandpa so long to get going this morning? I think I’ve seen

enough! I just need to get out of here! I grabbed the snus and stormed out the door.

“Did ya fine er Squash?” Grandpa asked.

Yes Sir.” I murmured as I handed him his Cowboy Candy and climbed into the

cab of the tractor.

“Atta boy! Well let’s git tease wheels rollin!” Grandpa cheered. His left leg

quivered as he struggled to step the clutch in and he finally managed to whine the

machine into gear. The tractor vomited itself forward, and away we went!

II. The Bootlegging Bandits

 15

We began to carry the loot out box, by box, by box. Dani had to take them out by

the bottle because the boxes were too heavy. We hid them under hoods of the cars, in the

boxes of old, worn out pickups, and in the sleeper of a few semis that had been totaled

out. There is no way Grandpa will find any of this. I don’t even know if ill remember all

of the hiding places we used! Finally the deed was done and it was time to move out.

“Alright soldiers! Let’s evacuate the premises as quickly and quietly as possible!” I

commanded.

We tiptoed our way back to the wheeler being careful not to make a sound. We

were halfway to the wheeler when the yard light kicked on! “CRAP! MOVE SOLDIERS

MOVE!” I squealed. I started to book it to the getaway vehicle until I had turned around

to see that only Lane was behind me. Where the heck is Dani?

I finally realized that Danielle had tripped on the loose gravel and was

incapacitated with a wounded knee! I need to save her! “No man gets left behind!” I

gasped between breaths.

“It’s okay Josh, she is a women so we can just leave her!” Lane stammered.

I didn’t even respond to that dumb remark, I just murmured, “Get the wheeler

ready to roll! I only need a second!”

I sprinted back to Dani and noticed that she had managed to crawl into the

shadows behind the machinery that was in the yard. With one smooth motion I picked her

up and swooped her over my shoulder. I could tell she was crying because I could feel her

tears dampening the back of my shirt.

I focused on staying balanced as I trotted my way back to the wheeler. Don’t fall,

don’t fall. Come on, you’re almost there!

 16

Lane already had that 500 Sportsman warmed up and in gear. I dropped Dani

down on the seat right behind Lane and I jumped onto the rack on the back part of the

four-wheeler.

As soon as he felt my weight pressure the rear shocks, he punched in the throttle,

causing the machine to roar with power. I closed my eyes and held on as tight as I could.

Please don’t let me fall off! Please don’t let me fall off!

I didn’t open my eyes until I heard the sound of Dani sobbing over the noise of

the engine and the whirling wind. I snapped out of Army mode and gained sympathy for

what had happened to her. “I’m sorry this happened to you Danielle, it wasn’t worth all of

this trouble.”

She instantly stopped sobbing and looked at me like I was some kind of alien! She

then lowered her eyebrows and with a stern look my eight-year-old cousin said, “THAT’S

BULLSHIT! Anything is worth saving Grandpa!”

OPERATION DUSTY BOTTLES: Complete?

Just a few days later, Lane and I were checking gopher traps in the field across

from the farm house. My Dad pulled up and asked, “Did you boys have anything to do

with Grandpa’s stuff going missing?”

Lane and I pretended as if we had no idea what he was talking about. “No I have

no idea what happened to his stuff.”

Dad began to smirk as if he knew something that we didn’t and he said, “Alright

boys, but watch out, because Grandpa says there are some sly bootleggers around! They

could even steal the shirt right off your backs!” He began to giggle to himself, while
 17

shaking his head and drove away.

They know! But how? There is no way they could’ve seen us! It was too dark, too

late, too sly! “Lane! Come on! We need to check our hiding spots!”

I fired up the Sportsman and we stormed down the road, kicking up a thick trail of

dust behind us as we drove. We pulled into the junkyard and left the wheeler forgot to kill

the engine of the wheeler because we were so excited. We checked every single hiding

place we could remember. Nothing! Nothing at all! He found all of it. But how?

I just sat there for a few minutes and pondered all of the possibilities. Suddenly, I

heard footsteps crunch on the gravel behind me. I turned around to see Dad standing there

just smiling.

“He found er all din he? Remember boys, ya can’t keep an ol’ drunk away from

his booze!”

OPERATION DUSTY BOTTLES: FAILED!!!

IV. The Ghost

Grandpa Ole is long gone now. According to www.alcoholics-info.com, Grandpa

was at stage 4. His drinking started early and continued throughout the day. He has lost

tolerance of alcohol and experiences “the shakes” when he is sober in the mornings. He

also has to have a bottle sitting shotgun in the seat right next to him. We tried all we

could to make him stop but my dad was right all along. “You can’t keep an ol’ drunk from

his booze!” Now one can see headlights come down the driveway and pull up along side

of the house where two large, orange cones mark where the driver should stop. After the

vehicle has idled for about an hour, one can hear the engine sputter to its death and see
 18

the driver side door swing open. A pale figure crawls out of the pickup and onto the cool,

wet ground.

He wears his Doobie Brother shades to cover his bloodshot eyes. One John Deere

suspender is over his right shoulder and the other is twisted around his bicep. His muscles

quiver as he brings himself to his hands and knees. He steps forward by using his hands

and then stops once he is almost flat on the ground and then he digs in with his knees

until they are caught up with his hands. He moves forward inch by inch and to an

unknowing spectator, he would look like a human sized caterpillar! But this is not a huge

caterpillar! This strange figure is, what I would consider, the ghost of Ole Watne!

If I’m ever down for a visit at the farmhouse, Grandpa will call me into his room

after he had successfully crawled into his bed and stripped down to his briefs. Once I

walked into the room he would slur slowly, “Play me a tune on dat ol’ six string dat sits

oer dere by da closet!” He sold Cindy Lou because he could no longer play anymore. His

hands shook so much that he couldn’t even hold his silverware when he ate! However,

Grandpa did manage to buy a new Hohner guitar that had the design of Mt. Rushmore on

it. It definitely had nothing on Cindy Lou because it didn’t drive that same powerful,

brassy ring that Cindy Lou had. But Grandpa just bought it so others could play it for

him.

V. A Song of Memories

He said life is made for you to live

The best love is the love that you give

There'll be times when you wanna hold on but you gotta let go
 19

And I live by those words 'cause Grandpa told me so

Grandpa taught me that one can spend most of their time looking at their past or

only focusing on the future and they will often miss out on what is going on this very

moment. Grandpa missed out on a lot because of his years wasted with the bottle. He

missed out on supporting his grandchildren over the years as they have grown. But

Grandpa has changed once again! He finally put down that brown jug of poison and

crawled into the house for the last time! I asked him why he quit and he simply said,

“You can kick any ol’ habbit if yer stubborn enuff! I’ve missed too much deese pass few

years an I ain’t gunna miss anudder day! I’m gunna be dere ter see ya graduate and that’s

that!” And I live by those words 'cause Grandpa told me so…

This picture captures Grandpa’s personality the best.

 20

Before drinking, he was so alive and such a jokester! I am glad

to know he has finally put down the bottle and I am slowly
starting to see a glimpse of the old Grandpa Ole!

Workcited

Chesney, Kenny. All I Need to Know. BMG Music, 2004. CD.

"Classic Alcoholic Behavior." Alcoholics Info | Alcoholics Help | Alcoholics | Alcoholic

Behavior. Web. 13 May 2010.