1

INT. - FIRST HOUSE - MORNING

JACK, an awkwardly preppy boy with a lisp, and FILLIS, his

equally awkward, slightly blind sister, enter their bathroom
(first). They walk drearily into frame, sigh.
DESDEMONA, a Shakespeare obsessed, love-struck girl, and her
sister SHARON, an abnormally spazzy girl plagued by
short-term memory, are in their own bathroom (second). They
sigh in unison.
First bathroom. Jack and Fillis are brushing their teeth in
unison.
Second bathroom. Desdemona and Sharon brush their teeth in
unison.
First bathroom. Jack and Fillis spit into the sink in
unison.
Second bathroom. Desdemona and Sharon spit into the sink in
unison.
First bathroom. Jack and Fillis brush their hair in unison.
Second bathroom. Desdemona and Sharon brush their hair in
unison.
2

EXT. - SECOND HOUSE - MORNING

Desdemona and Sharon take one step out of their house, both
with their left foot, carrying soccer gear. They look out
determinedly, then both simultaneously look sharply left to
see Jack and Fillis on the porch next door who are also
carrying soccer gear, staring back at them. They squint
angrily in unison.
3

EXT. - SIDEWALK - MORNING

They both pick up speed as they run to the sidewalk, more

determined.
4

EXT. - PARK - MORNING

The pairs reach the park, panting and eagerly approaching a

group of cool kidz playing soccer. They look up at them
desperately for approval, but are matched with condescending
glares. BEA, leading the pack of soccer kids, steps forward.
Shots of each character as their named.
BEA
You cant play soccer. Look at you
bunch. ("Lispy" said with a lisp)

2.
BEA
Lispy. Four-eyes. Old-Fashion
weirdo. Spaz attack.
Sharon spazzes.
BEA
We dont want you here.
ALL TEAM
Yeeeaah!
The rest of the team stares them down, then resumes playing.
The four sadly turn away, but Desdemona longingly turns back
to stare at OLIVER, a cute boy on the soccer team and
Desdemonas far away love, only to be jolted back by Sharon.
and trudge back home.
5

INT - SECOND HOUSE - MIDDAY

Desdemona and Sharon flop face-up onto their bed, clearly

distraught.
SHARON
My life is over.
6

INT. - FIRST HOUSE - MORNING

Jack and Fillis are in the exact same position.
JACK
First the basketball team, then
football, golf, now this?
(First house.)
DESDEMONA
Such villains they do play the role
of to juxtapose our glory.
(Second house.)
FILLIS
What rascals.
JACK
Scoundrels!
(First house.)
SHARON
I hate not being cool.
(Second house.)

3.

JACK
Tell me about it.
(First house.)
DESDEMONA
Art thou afeared to be in thine own
act and valor as thou art in
desire?
SHARON
...what?
(Second house.)
FILLIS
You know, theyre just jealous.
Its so ennuyeux.
JACK
Theyre so barbaric in their after
school activities! If only we were
cool enough to assemble our own A
team!
(First house.)
The girls sigh.
(Second house.)
The pair sigh, then Fillis lights up and opens her mouth to
say something.
(First house.)
Sharon and Des are looking at each other in excitement.
SHARON
We should start our own team!
Second house.
JACK
What a swell idea!
First house.
SHARON
We should start our own team!

4.

DESDEMONA
Thou hast said that before...
Sharon facepalms.
SHARON
Stupid!
Second house.
JACK AND FILLIS
Whiffle ball!
First house.
SHARON AND DESDEMONA
Squash!
Second house. JANICE, the snooty queen mother of Jack and
Fillis, enters their room happily.
JANICE
Farquhar anyone?
Still looking at each other.
JACK AND FILLIS
(Brightly) No mother!
7

EXT. - PARK - MIDDAY

Desdemona lowers her binoculars from her face and looks at
Oliver longingly from the play structure.
SHARON
Are you done yet?
DESDEMONA
Oh this star doth shine brightly
upon the green meadow before us.
Oliver, Oliver, where art thou my
dearest, dearset
We see Oliver playing soccer unmagestically. Desdemona
sighs, and Sharon once again yanks her out of her stupor.
They are entering the courts, look up then see Jack and
Fillis, who are already occupying the courts. Stare down.
JACK
What are you doing here, losers?

5.

SHARON
Playing squish!
DESDEMONA
(Whispered) Squash.
SHARON
Squash!
Sharon facepalms.
FILLIS
To my knowledge, squash actually
involved two players hitting one
singular ball at a wall which I
dont seem to see here...
SHARON
Well, were using a net instead
so...
FILLIS
Isnt that called tennis?
JACK
Yeah stupid.
DESDEMONA
Thou elvish-marked, abortive
rooting-hogsThey give her a fleeting look of confusion.
FILLIS
Well, were playing whiffle ball.
SHARON
Thats a tennis racquet.
JACK
Yeah so?
DESDEMONA
You fools, you doth possess a
tennis ball as well!
JACK
(Really slowly. POed.) Shut. Up.
Go into slow motion. Arc shot. Major stare. Michael Buble
says his thing (insert sound effect). They begin to swing at
each other with their racquets as "Silent Night" plays. Slow
motion action scene, then cut.

6.
8

INT. - FIRST HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Janice, and MILLIE, mother of Jack and Desdemona, sit
sternly across from the four kids, who are bruised and
beaten.
JANICE
Youve beaten my precious babies
up, and over what? A silly game of
squash-ay?
JACK
You mean squash, mother?
JANICE
Touche, squash-ay. (Snooty laugh)
MILLIE
Denise, I told you, you cant speak
in prose all the time or these big
kids will pick on you?
DESDEMONA
I dismiss thy ordinary names for
that of "Desdemona" which I call
myselfSHARON
Shut up stupid!
JACK
(Mimicking) Shut up stupid!
SHARON
You cant say half those words,
Toothless Jack!
JACK
(Really hurt for a sec) Aw...
FILLIS
Coming from the nervous wreckSHARON
Youre cant say half those words,
ToothlessDESDEMONA
You already saidMILLIE
Quiet!
Sharon facepalms.

7.

JANICE
Perhaps you could reach a
compromise?
FILLIS
What, sq-squiffle? Whaffle?
MILLIE
How about tennis!
The four kids ad-lib annoyance and disgust at this.
JANICE
Croquet?
Ew!
MILLIE
Pickle ball!
Ugh.
Filliss face lights up with an idea.
FILLIS
Are you thinking what Im thinking?
They go from absolutely blank to a complete unified
understanding of each others thoughts.
9

INT. - FIRST HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Badminton montage. Within this, theres a comedic pause (in

music and speed) in which the group is unable to open the
back shed. They call the locksmith, he opens it, they get
the stuff out, then speed and music restarts.
They stand ready and excited after completion.
10

EXT. - FRONT PORCH - AFTERNOON

10

All four step forward in synchronicity with their left foot.

We see their full badminton outfits. They are proud and
ready.
11

EXT. - PARK - AFTERNOON

Slow motion as they sassily pass by the cool soccer kids,
who gasp and stare at their badminton outfits and
confidence. Hair flips and upturned noses. They reach the
badminton field, and see the soccer kids lurking.

11

8.

FILLIS
Anyone care to join?
They all slowly filter away. Oliver is the last to leave. He
and Desdemona make quick eye contact, but he turns to go
regardless. She sighs.
DESDEMONA
Be careful with this heart, it will
explode if the light of this star
fades.
Jack approaches her from behind and puts a comforting arm
around her. She leans her head onto his shoulder.
JACK
Hes really gotcha, doesnt he?
DESDEMONA
As I said, this heart dothThey make eye contact and it gets all dreamy-like.
DESDEMONA
(Completely normal) Damn.
FILLIS
Serves up!
A ball is thrown into the air. Racquet up, then cut to
black!