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Running Head: Family Origins

Family Dynamics and Genogram Paper

Selena Frizzley
ECC 516: Family Systems and Conflict Management
City University of Seattle
Dr. Dave Khatib

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Running Head: Family Origins

To first understanding me as a person and how this reflects upon me as an educator and
leader, I need to start by providing some insight to my background and how it has shaped the
individual I am today. I grew up in Red Deer, Alberta with my older brother; we were raised in a
home with both a Catholic and a Moslem parent. Our parents involved us in both religions; we
would go to the Mosque on Fridays and attend St. Marys Church on Sundays. Through our
familys involvement in the Mosque and Church we learned to respect and appreciate diversity
while also gaining an understanding of both religions. This foundation of respect and
understanding has benefited me throughout my life as I truly appreciate and value diversity in all
people.
My mom, as a new immigrant to Canada from Iran was a former teacher; her upbringing
and experiences taught her the value of determination and hard work, she modelled these
behaviours to instill a similar work ethic in me and my brother. Following her belief that if you
worked hard enough and pushed yourself far enough you could achieve whatever goals you set
yourself. She had a growth mind-set that you should always strive to improve upon yourself,
that there is always more you can do to develop and grow as a person (Dweck, 2012). Growing
up, I watched my mom push herself to learn and perfect the English language. She became
frustrated if we corrected her pronunciation of a word or tense of a sentence; she would use this
as an opportunity to remind us that she was the one who had taught us everything that we know,
as our parent she was the primary educator for her children.

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Running Head: Family Origins

My mother raised my brother and I as a single parent which developed a strong and
united family of three. We looked supported and looked out for one another by always putting
our familys thoughts and needs before our own personal wants and desires.
Our Persian roots were flourishing as we were continually surrounding by our Iranian
relatives. We developed a strong sense of culture and pride in our Middle Eastern roots. We
spoke Farsi, danced, played backgammon and become immersed in learning and living in our
culture. We still continued to attend St. Marys church with our Moslem family who wanted to
support my brother and myself. They would talk, laugh and visit throughout every mass but we
appreciated the time and support shown by their attendance.
During childhood my extended Persian family of aunts, uncles and cousins surrounded us
and replaced our father. When we came home from school each day a different cousin took turns
meeting us at our home to take care of us. During this time my mom worked hard, showed
perseverance and strength in starting her own business. She still managed to find time to take us
to every activity possible including gymnastics, hockey, dancing, and soccer. Regardless of the
sport and my mom would register us and made sure we had an opportunity to participate in it all.
We also had a huge fan base with our relatives coming to support us and cheer us on in any and
all occasions.
My moms next biggest mission for us was to attend University and where we could
continue to push ourselves, set goals and achieve them. Her desire to see us and all of our
friends to pursue our undergrad degrees dominated my moms thoughts, actions and
conversations for years. The achievement of our undergraduate degrees truly meant that she had

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Running Head: Family Origins

achieved her goal in raising us and she could now relax a little, that is until the grandchildren
came along and now she has new a new goal to get this next generation through university.
My upbringing has definitely impacted and shaped the person I am today. It has also
impacted on my current leadership style. Growing up practicing two religions and learning to be
respectful all different religious beliefs and practices has provided me with an understanding of
the diverse students I teach. We all come from different backgrounds and have different stories,
every person that enters my school building has a story to tell and I need to be aware and open in
my dealings with students, parents and staff. Taking time to value the diversity of all people I
encounter and keeping in mind we all come from different places, upbringing and cultures.
Being surrounded by a family of all English Language Learners and often being called on
to make phone calls, write notes on behalf of my family and to provide translation has given me
empathy to understand what it is like to be an ELL learner or to be an ELL parent. It definitely
gives me a different perspective in working with students from different backgrounds and
different cultures. I understand the difficulty of moving to a new county and learning a new way
of life and the extra stress and difficulty that this can have on students and parents.
I have found that I truly desire for each classroom to have a family centered feel where
the class watches out for one another and can rely on one another in times of celebration and
times of need; this is direct result of my strong connection to both my immediate and extended
family. If one child in the class is struggling then as a class it is our job as the classroom
family to help and lift the child up and help them to succeed, just as me and my family have
done for each other over the years.

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Running Head: Family Origins

Through my own upbringing I have also learned to follow the guiding principles of my
family. Reflecting as a leader, I need to recognize and always be aware of the role of the parents.
The parents are the primary educators for our students. The role of the parent needs to be
continually encouraged, to be active in the school and part of our school culture and community
through the creation of an open door policy. Creating a culture that encourages the heart of all
members will be a benefit for the students (Kouzes & Posner, 2003).
I have also developed a strong sense of cultural pride in who I am. I take pride when
people ask me what my background is and what languages I speak. I want the same for all of my
students. I want students to know who they are, were they came from and to be proud of their
lineage. Taking pride in their own uniqueness of self (Kouzes & Posner, 2003). By taking the
time to celebrate the cultures of all of my students I am showing them that I am interested in
their backgrounds and ready to learn more. I will be the first to speak to the students in Tagalog,
dance in a Pow Pow or participate in a smudge ceremony. I strive to do what I can help build
pride and a sense of acceptance in all of my students just as my family has done the same for me.
When dealing with conflict with students or parents of different backgrounds, I am often
called on to be present in these situations to act a mediator and provide support. My current
school has students from a variety of different cultural backgrounds and I am often seen as
calming element when tensions can tend to run high and I will always do what is in the best
interest of the student. At times, at my current school we are called on to make some difficult
choices for the benefit of the students and to be the one safe place for the students to come to
daily. I take this responsibility seriously and will always act in a calm manor in the interest of
the student first.

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Running Head: Family Origins

I always had a big cheering section to support me through my journeys when growing up.
Now, as a leader in my school I want to provide this for my students as well, I want them to
know that I will always provide genuine and constant support for them. By being my students
biggest cheerleader when dealing with conflict and discipline the students know that I will
always be working with them to help and guide them in the right direction. Celebrating
achievements and successes in a public setting increases people sense of wellbeing (Kouzes &
Posner, 2003).
Just like my beautiful mother who is always pushing and encouraging me to set new
goals for myself and to follow through with them, I have a similar expectation as a leader for my
students and staff. I want my students to be an engaged member of their learning team and focus
to make decisions that will have a positive impact on themselves both academically and
personally. I look forward to when they will come back to visit me and tell me about their
successes, all the while knowing that I am here to support them both in success and challenges,
that I will be an advocate for them and a support to them if they find themselves struggling. For
the staff, I want us to set goals and aspire to grow for the benefits of the students, school
community and individually as educators (Covey, 2008).

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Running Head: Family Origins

References
Covey, S.R (2008). The leader in me: How schools and parents around the world are inspiring
greatness, one child at a time. New York, NY: Free Press.
Dweck, C. S. (2012). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Kennett Square, PA; Norwood,
Mass.
Kouzes, J. M., & Posner, B. Z. (2005). Student Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI)
Edition). Hoboken, NJ, USA: Jossey-Bass. Retrieved from
http://www.ebrary.com

(2nd

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Running Head: Family Origins

Appendix A
Genogram
http://www.familyecho.com/?p=START&c=n6iwbyufwo&f=687785635929263360

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Running Head: Family Origins